The Inverts

by Crystal Jeans

1921: a boy, a girl, a moonlit midnight kiss. A terrible, repulsive kiss.

Bettina and Bart have grown up as best friends, so surely they will end up together? After all, Bettina is young, rich, headstrong…. and gay. Bart is young, rich, charismatic… and also, definitely, gay. Any doubts are dispelled by, in short order: that ghastly kiss; a torrid encounter for Bettina in the school boiler-rooms; and an eye-opening Parisian visit for Bart.

Society will never stand for it. What else can they do but enter into a ‘lavender marriage’ and carry on indulging their true natures in secret? As the ’20s and’ 30s whizz past in a haze of cigarettes, champagne and casual sex, Bart and Bettina have no idea that they are hurtling, via Hollywood and Egypt, Paris and London, towards tragedy and bloodshed…

Genres: Historical Fiction, Queer, LGBT, Historical, Fiction, Romance, Lesbian

374 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2021

About the author

Crystal Jeans was raised in Cardiff. She has various poems published online and in print, including a pamphlet, 'Just Like That' by Mulfran Press, which features poems drawing from her experience as a carer for the elderly. Her short stories, 'Split Me in Two, Gareth Moon' and 'My Bukowski' have appeared in the New Welsh Review (the first of these shortlisted for the Bridport Prize). She lives with her young daughter and numerous animals. She also writes a blog: https://crystaljeans.wordpress.com/ and has a Facebook author page. Don't bother trying to engage her on Twitter - she's crap at it.

Reviews

[Simone · Rating 1 out of 5]

A huge thank you to the publisher for sending me this book.

I hate writing bad reviews because I know there's an actual human being behind this who put a lot of effort and time into writing this. And I implore you, if you're the author and don't want to see negative things written about your work, please stop reading here.

I initially gave this book two stars after finishing it because I thought: Well, I did like the first 100 or so pages. Then, after sleeping on it, I just couldn't. And here is why.

While the story itself sounds like fun and glam and two best friends making the best of being stuck in the 20s (all things that drew me to this book), that took up about one chapter. Everything else was just a little off for me. There's this added "suspense" with a murder mystery shoved in there which was the biggest anti-climax I've ever read in my life. It's there in the first chapter, it's there in the last chapter but it's... not exciting an dare I say even a little boring?

Okay, let's talk about the characters. I didn't like any of them. Not a single character. Not one. There were some that had moments where I felt like I could start to like them only to be absolute idiots a second later. It is hard to read a book if you're not rooting for anyone or even sympathising. Especially when they're the main characters. Why did I not like them you ask? Well, this ties in nicely with my next point.

Who here loves trigger warnings? I do. Because there are just some things that I stay away from. From how this book was presented, I did not see suicide, drug abuse (though let's be real, it's the 20s, I did expect drugs in one form or another), sexual harassment, murder, a very weird fascination with genitals and so on and so on, to be in this book. But it was.

The MCs also came across a bit predator-y with both of them fancying anyone of their own gender with a pulse and constantly daydreaming about sex. Except for one time, when one of the MCs did more than daydream and actually harassed their household staff. And when the person resigns, they think about how that's ridiculous and over reacting. Just no. Generally, this book relies a lot on disgusting descriptions and I am not quite sure why. Everything smells horrible, everyone's teeth are rotting, if someone is losing bodily fluids we WILL know about it and I don't like it. I also didn't like the obsession with genitals. I did not need to know how every single character's genitals look like ESPECIALLY those of kids. I kind of kept slowly blinking at the book when the description of a newborn was 5 lines long and 3 of them was about genitals. NO. I even read this part out to three friends to see if I am being too "snowflakey" but they were absolutely horrified. So was I and I still am, frankly. After that, I kind of just wanted this book to end and I was only about halfway through.

Not that I would have missed a lot if I'd stopped right there and then because to me, my summary is that I wish I hadn't read it. I was triggered, I felt really anxious during and after reading it, I was disgusted and uncomfortable and for the murder mystery then ending like that was... well, a letdown honestly. I wouldn't recommend this book. Sorry.

edit: I forgot about the fatphobia. Which is there all the time. It's gross.

[Jesse Lynn Smart · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this book. It had all the makings of an instant favourite, judging by the blurb. It sounded like fascinating, featuring two gay best friends who marry each other and navigate their way through the Roaring 20s and onward. I expected queer history, a bit of fun, and a story of friendship.
Yeesh, was I wrong.
The story starts strong, with a glimpse into the lives of Bart and Bettina (our queer best friends) back in the early 1920s, then veers off into the 1990s, with hints of a murder mystery type situation. Then we shoot right back in time again to when Bart and Bettina first start to come to terms with their queerness. It looks to be a promising tale, with touches of scandal and salacious behaviour (or what was considered as such back in the 20s). The characters seem interesting enough, although I don’t actually like any of them.
So far, so good.
But as the story carries on (for far too long, to be honest), I realise that all the characters in this book are awful, horrible people. They stop being interesting after a while and just become predictable and boring in their constant repetition of self-indulgent, vile behaviour. I don’t mind horrid characters – in fact, I rather enjoy a good villain. But these petty behaviours aren’t worthy of the term ‘villain.’ One could make excuses and justify their obnoxious behaviour by pointing out that it wasn’t easy being queer back in the 20s – naturally, they’d have repressed anger and act out against how unfair life was for anyone outside the regimented ideas of ‘normal’ conduct. Except that they’re behaving badly towards each other, rather than railing against the outside world that’s done them harm. And the characters in this book are all rather well-to-do and are pretty much able to carry on as they please, albeit behind closed doors. You almost want to tell them to check their privilege. And the murder mystery that was hinted at in the beginning of the book comes crashing back in at the last minute, and isn’t that big a deal, really. By the time it gets to the point, you’ve almost forgotten there was an element of mystery to begin with.

As far as any queer history – there are a few little references scattered about – Polari is mentioned, as is Radclyffe Hall – but the characters themselves live in such a bubble that until the war comes along, the outside world doesn’t seem to affect them.

I also didn’t enjoy the writing itself – don’t get me wrong, the structure and style are sound and rather masterfully executed, but the content is frequently, well, gross and crude, to put it bluntly. I’m not a prude or squeamish by any stretch of the imagination, but it seems like the author couldn’t go more than a couple of pages without mentioning snot, vomit, farts, saliva, or some other bodily function. The characters all ‘fuck’, rather than make love or have sex. Thighs are described as resembling slabs of meat on a butcher’s counter; breasts are blue-veined. And everyone seems to have terrible breath, usually saturated with garlic but occasionally with onions, whisky, smoke, or just a simple ‘sour’ taste. I looked up the author’s blog, and apparently, this grossness is just her thing – I believe she has a post about something to the effect of ‘women can be gross, too’. She may think she’s being edgy and feminist and so on, and if that’s her style, then good for her. For me, it felt forced, like someone who goes out of their way to say ‘fuck’ in every sentence for shock value, as if to say, ‘See how outrageous I am!’, rather than just making an intelligent argument.

There also was a fair bit of fat-shaming, and generally disparaging references to people’s looks. Not to mention the fixation on genitals – I’m not sure if it would count as transphobic or even transphobic-adjacent, but it was uncomfortable to read.

I shall shut up now, as I don’t like writing bad reviews – once I get going, I get mean and petty about it. And let me just point out – Crystal Jeans has successfully published a few novels, and I haven’t. She is an actual author, and I’m just someone running her mouth on the internet. And most of the other reviews of this book are positive. So, ya know. All of this is just my opinion. Feel free to read this and make your own.

Thank you, NetGalley, for providing a copy of this ARC in exchange for what is probably a far-too-honest review.

[jay · Rating 1 out of 5]

welcome to 202-Queer 🌈✨, the year where i only read queer books 🌈✨ blablabla

also welcome to 50 books in February where i read ... 50 books in February.... listen, i also don't know what i was thinking. either way:
50 books in February: 1/50


a lavender marriage - the opportunity for great story telling!!! imagine the possibilities!!! the angst!! the yearning!! the constant threat of being found out by society!! the portrayal of friendship!!!

sounds great doesn't it????

well, none of it was in there so don't bother.


the plot was all over the place. did this even have a cohesive storyline? i don't KNOW.
the characters weren't just awful they were also awfully boring.
one of them gets dementia at the end (or something) but that's neither here nor there because i didn't get why and when that happened nor do i CARE.


if you enjoy newborns being introduced by extensive description of their genitalia and just in general prefer your literature to focus on really weird and honestly uncomfortable descriptions of every single person's private parts - this might be a five star read for you

[Saimon (ZanyAnomaly) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know how I'd briefly summarize the plot of The Inverts. All I can say is that it is the story of 2 best friends - Bart & Bettina - who realize they're both queer and their life together as a couple in a lavendar marriage. It also has a mystery element to it, but I cannot reveal more than that cause I might spoil the story.

Both Bart and Bettina are unlikable characters. They're so annoying to each other most of the time. And I love that about them. I don't understand why people are rating this book low cause of this. Do they only WANT to read about nice queer characters? sounds a bit boring but to each their own, I guess. I enjoyed this book's crassness, and the characters' messiness. I am neutral about all the descriptions of bodily fluids, flatulence and genitals - THAT was a bit weird, but oh well.

What I DID have a major problem with was the random fatphobia thrown around in the book. At first, it was just Bart making fun of his best friend Bettina for being fat. And sometimes Bettina would remark to herself about how fat she was. Which are both fine, i think, cause that does sound like a lived experience for people. But then it became very icky when Bart comes across a pleasant fat gentleman and immediately remarks to himself that he just was not into him. A few chapters later, he tries to jack off to the thought of the same guy and when he isn't able to he brushes it off in a way that suggests fat people are just not his type - which is such a weird thing to think/say and the author could've just NOT written it that way cause all of this bore no relevance to the plot whatsoever.

Read this book if you want to read about some imperfect queer characters, lifelong friendships, and if you are comfortable with everything I've said in the review so far.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the review copy in exchange for an honest review.

---------
UPDATE: ok no, keeping this as a 4 star cause the fatphobic lines in the book were very icky.
---------
Pre-Review: don't understand why some reviewers are rating the book low cause the characters are not very likeable. It's one of my favorite things about this book. GIMME ALL THE MESSY QUEER PEOPLE YASSSSSS
might bump it up to a 5 star later? 4 stars for now

thanks to netgalley and the publisher for the e-arc

[Brigi · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF on page 76.

What the actual fuck. This was supposed to be about two queer friends in the 1920s, but instead it is just an exercise on how to write the most disgusting book ever. Bodily fluids, diarrhoea, vomiting, everything described in so much detail, and I don't get it why. It's also very vulgar and drips of fatphobia.

[Leo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nope, a bit yucky nope. I did not enjoy the crude and over the topp "humour" with gentails and bodily fluids and fat shame thrown in there as well. I was looking forward for this book about two queer people decided to get married to each other to make it look like they follow social rules. Bettina loves women and Bart loves men. Set in 1920. It does sounds like it was going to be a great story but no. I did not like it one bit. It was way to much for me.

[renée · Rating 3 out of 5]

‘The Inverts’ is a novel about a pair of best friends, one a gay man and the other, a lesbian, who lived their youth in the 1920s. It’s an interesting book, with a very raw writing style: it told things as they were, as they happened, with little to no romanticization. Both Bart and Bettina, the main characters, are shown as deeply flawed, in a way that felt human. While it ached to read some things, it felt real.

I disliked (I’d even go as far as to say that I hated) some things, that I’m not sure whether they were intentional or not. I despised Jean, one of Bettina’s lovers, finding no redeeming traits in her character since the moment she appeared and her sole existence made me want to give up on this book, which I only changed my mind about when I thought about this review. And I thanked heavens when she stopped being a constant in the narrative, because boy, was I tired. She wasn’t funny, or caring, or sweet, or… even interesting! No redeeming traits whatsoever. Besides, the first time Jean and Bettina had sex, it felt deeply uncomfortable, since it didn’t seem like Bettina wanted anything more than a few kisses.

One thing I rather enjoyed was the use of LGBTQ+ artists as a way of mentioning you’re queer, as well as trying to figure out if the person you’re interested in is as well. Bettina mentioned Sappho several times to several of her love interests, and Étienne, Bart’s partner, read him poems by Rimbaud. There was also Bart using Polaris, a secret subculture code used by gay people during early 20th century.

It’s a very straightforward reading, which is refreshing at times, but it also affected the book negatively to me, as there were many time skips that didn’t allow the reader to actually see the drama, which were the consequences of their actions and more details on how they dealt with them. It’s a book about the roaring ‘20s, followed by the Great Depression in 1929, then the World War II. There was a brutal change in their lifestyles, but I couldn’t see that much of a difference. I’d say it’s one of those cases where the author tells instead of showing.

There are also several lines about fat people and overweightness in general that made me uncomfortable, as a fat person and a lot of focus on genitals, almost portraying them as something that equals sexuality (liking dick doesn’t necessary means liking men), which, as a trans person, made me uncomfortable. Yeah, transgender people weren’t as mainstream as they, we, are today, which already isn’t a lot, but I’m sure that within the queer community, at least, there was some knowledge about it. But then again, the protagonists are rich, selfish and egocentrical, privileged people who don’t realise their privilege, and the characters being… well, not exemplary people, that was a point that made me find the book enjoyable. They’re deeply flawed and I don’t think Crystal Jeans tries to prove otherwise.

Overall, it’s an entertaining book, with a few good lines and some positive characteristics, but it’s no must-read masterpiece. The idea of it is wonderful, but could’ve been developed way better. I do think it’s a good start for works about platonic queer relationships, which is what I was seeking with this book (I’m a lesbian and my best friend is achillean, so I was looking for a representation of that. Needless to say I didn’t find it, but it can inspire other queer authors to write something with a similar concept).

To be fair, I was really looking forward to youthful, over the top queer best friends, with all the glamour of the jazz age, a fun book, turning into dramatic in 1930, with their financially stable families entering into poverty, a decrease in their comfortable life conditions, and all the losses brought by war. It did have some of these aspects, of course, but it wasn’t what I expected it to be. So, if you’re looking for a book with a fast rhythm, with a simple writing style and with a lot of sarcastic comments and flawed characters you can relate to but also hate and feel angry towards, then it’ll be a good reading to spend some time with.

[elin | winterrainreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars.

Gay best friends who get married. The 1920's. Dirty humor. Family drama. Love affairs and murder. What else could you want?

Would be five stars if there was less fatphobia and if the murder plot was a bigger part of the story.

[Kat (Bookish Blades) · Rating 1 out of 5]

TWs for this book: racism, sexism, homophobia, internalized homophobia, death, blood, suicide, vomit, excrements, alcohol, drugs, domestic violence, sexual harassment, war, bombing, fatphobia, fatshaming

the good:
- idk

the bad:
- sigh. where to begin
- I do not need detailed descriptions of various bodily fluids
- or genitals, for that matter
- what's up with all the sex
- and the sexual harassment
- unhealthy relationships everywhere
- this is NOT how you should treat your best friend omg. or any friend for that matter
- the pacing was just off
- I wish I would have had trigger warnings before reading
- the characters were all horrible, every single one, I did not like anyone

read my full review on my blog Bookish Blades

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review – as always, thanks so much to Netgalley for sending this to me!

The Inverts follows Bart and Bettina, two best friends who share a unique predicament: their sexuality. Bart is gay, Bettina is a lesbian, neither will ever be satisfied in a heterosexual relationship. The only sensible option, of course, is to marry each other. After all, they’re best friends, platonic soul-mates – what could possibly go wrong?

The book spans several decades of Bart and Bettina’s ‘lavender marriage,’ as they navigate various secret love affairs: Bart’s relationship with a French artist, Etienne; Bettina’s schoolgirl fumbles; Bart’s secret nighttime trysts in parks; new love unexpectedly found in war-torn Britain. I’m obsessed with this dynamic in fiction – a gay man and a lesbian becoming best friends and marrying to help protect one another – and these two were fantastic. They love each other, they hate each other. Their friendship, idyllic to begin with, is at times toxic and turbulent, but they care so much. They’re the definition of ride or die, and I loved their dynamic. It’s worth mentioning that neither of them are saints; they’re messy, cruel, manipulative, stroppy, and kind of awful in a way that makes for fantastic reading. If unlikeable characters are a deal-breaker for you, this book might not work for you, but I had so much fun. Even when they were awful, they were entertaining, and what else can you ask for?

I feel like it’s been well-established that historical fiction is not generally my thing. I’m a contemporary girl, but I’ve wanted to get into historical settings, in particular the 1920s, which is a period I’m very drawn to on an aesthetic level. I’ve read so many books set in this era, chasing a very specific, Gatsby-esque atmosphere: glitter and corruption, prohibition, decadence, flappers and finger waves, and I’m overjoyed to say that I finally found it. This book was all sex, drugs, more sex, booze, old movies, boarding schools and mansions and rolling countryside. It had a strong sense of time and place that was really grounding, and I think the author did a great job of capturing the feel of each time period. The best way I can describe this book is Oscar Wilde meets The Great Gatsby; it’s decadent, queer as hell, super messy, and filled with awful but amazingly compelling people. It also gave me Addie LaRue vibes in some ways – Bart’s first love, Etienne, reminded me irresistibly of Remy, a character Addie loves and loses all in one night.

I was genuinely so pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed this book, with all its mess and mayhem. It was, at its core, a book about queer friendship and solidarity. I didn’t realise how long I’ve been looking for a book like this until I found it. That being said, there were a few issues that I had with it.

Firstly, as mentioned, the book is told in a series of snapshots as we fit bits and pieces of Bart and Bettina’s life together. At times this worked well, but other times it made things feel disjointed and a bit disorienting – sometimes we skip a few days, other times years, and scenes would start and finish in the middle of nowhere with no real sense of context. It was almost as if some scenes had popped into the author’s head half-formed, she’d put them into the book and left it at that, an approach I can definitely sympathise with as a writer – but as a reader, it doesn’t really work. I felt some context was sorely needed in some instances. It almost felt more like a screenplay in some ways, with these random jumps in time and place. (As a side note, if this were a movie, I’d SO watch it. Hollywood, take notes.)

There’s also some weirdness with the framing narrative. The story opens with Bart and Bettina’s kids all grown up, there’s some vague murmurs of a murder, which is swiftly forgotten and not referred to again until the end. I think this was supposed to inject a sense of intrigue into the narrative, but because it’s never brought up again, it just felt kind of pointless – like it was being dangled under our noses the whole time but without any additional hints or allusions to what might have happened, just the vague knowledge that it was a thing and would presumably be addressed again at some point. When it was, it was kind of underwhelming, to be honest. I liked the murder itself, but why introduce it so early on if it’s going to be completely irrelevant for 95% of the book?
Finally, while I loved the writing style – which is mostly rich, detailed and evocative – it is also, on many occasions, gross. Yes, bodies are disgusting, people aren’t perfect, they ooze and leak and whatever, but I really don’t want to hear about it. It was so jarring to me that on one hand we have descriptions about Bart emerging from the water like a gleaming salmon, and then on the next page, graphic descriptions of crusty snot, hissing farts and – on one occasion I would really like to erase from my memory – baby genitals. I’m not especially precious, but I definitely felt squeamish at times, and I wish the author had held back a bit with these descriptions, because honestly they were super disgusting and made me cringe.

Overall, though The Inverts was a pleasant surprise, and I loved this celebration of messy queer friendship, camaraderie and the different kinds of enduring love that one finds over a lifetime. I think this is definitely a book that’s going to stick with me.

[nebula · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another book I read this year that I am not sure how to rate. This was.. interesting and kept my attention enough for me to finish it but I don't know how much I actually Liked it. One thing I definitely did like was how terrible and messy the characters are. Far too often the queer books I read have characters that have very little real flaws, which gets unrealistic at some point. I liked how Bart and Bettina do love each other in very very messy ways, even when they're absolutely furious with each other. It's interesting how the reason why they fight so much is because of how similar they are, that the dynamic is hard to make work in a marriage. I also like how these characters are allowed to be sexual in very very messy and sometimes Bad ways too, as I often find queer characters' sexuality tends to be very.. palatable to the masses if that makes sense? All in all I am glad I read it.

[Emily Davies (libraryofcalliope) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Firstly, a huge thank you to Netgalley and Harper Collins for this ARC. I was so excited to get approved for this as this is one of my most highly anticipated new releases. The novel covers the marriage of Bettina and Bart, childhood friends and homosexuals, covering from 1921 to 1943. The pair marry after realising their shared 'inversion', allowing each other the freedom to pursue lovers of the same sex while still having the safety of marriage to guard their reputation. The novel has the glitz and glamour of stories set in such periods but includes the rawness of the repressed emotion and pain faced by 'outsiders' in this period, regardless of their wealth and glamour. It shines a light on the spaces of the gay community at the time and covers key moments in British LGBT history such as the publication of Radclyffe Hall's The Well of Loneliness and the use of Polari by gay men to identify each other. The novel's characters are rich and complex and thoroughly grip you from their first introduction as do their various love affairs and exploits. In places, it is a brutal depiction, with the characters' flaws coming out in grimacing details, creating a complex, sensual, and difficult fiction of a lavender marriage in the period. There's wish fulfilment and romance but also a crude, unflinching interrogation of the time. One thing I especially liked was the ways it explored the differences in the existence of how lesbians and gay men navigated the world, both the in the sexual availability but dangerous options for men seeking male companionship and also the isolation and compulsory heterosexuality faced by gay women. This was a really interesting book and I loved reading it.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

(2.5) Written in a jaunty style (and so mislabeled 'funny' and 'hilarious') but actually mostly about people being horrible to each other and careless of their most important relationships. The main characters definitely had some redeeming features but those features were not given much air time unfortunately. I liked that it was moving quickly through their lives and the 20th century but that also gave it a more superficial feeling as well.

[Thea · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really promising premise but oh so disappointing in the end.

I really do enjoy an unlikable main character or an unreliable narrator, but these guys were just so petty and unreasonable I kinda wanted to shake them

Also some crude humour is always fun, but if I had to read one more penis, piss or testicle description I would take away another star

Also the murder in the beginning? Mentioned the last few pages in a very anticlimactic way

Really wanted to enjoy this but just didn’t sadly

[Alura Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

They're gay in the 1920s which says it all. Rich twats so on one hand i like it for the cool vibe, on the other hand they're kind of horrible people. I enjoyed it but wont read again

[Tanya · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Marry me."
"Jesus, Bart. What are you trying to prove?"
..."Nothing. You're right. I like men. I do, I fucking well do! And you like women. Let's get married. We love each other, don't we?" [loc. 1122]

Bart and Bettina have grown up together, privileged and good-looking, too young to be personally affected by the Great War (though Bettina's older brother came home with a bad case of shellshock and a single arm). At the outset of the Roaring Twenties, they are discovering adult life, and coming (via separate experiences) to the same conclusion: they are both inverts. Bart is seduced by a gorgeous young French artist, Etienne, on a school trip to Paris; Bettina is caught in flagrante, in the school boiler room, with her friend Margo.

It seems inevitable that they should marry: they love one another, they share a sense of humour and a defensive prickliness, and neither of them is likely to be a good spouse to anybody. Cue wild parties, booze and drugs, a career in movies for Bart, a series of best-selling books by Bettina -- and, bookending it all, a murder mystery.

The blurb gives the impression that this is a light-hearted romp through the Twenties and Thirties, and it is often very funny: but it's also painful and sometimes depressing. Neither Bart nor Bettina is especially lucky in love, and despite their early promises to be kind to one another they treat one another very cruelly. Most importantly, though, they are not characters that I could warm to. There's a sneeriness to them, a disdain for their 'friends' and families, and a strong vein of hypocrisy in their attitudes. At different times, both try to overcome their innate prejudices: Bettina manages it during the Second World War when she's working as a rat-catcher, Bart achieves it from time to time, but they're both too selfish, too superficial, for it to really stick.

The language is lush and sensual, with a lot of food-based metaphors -- though these sometimes jar in conjunction with the frequent slurs against fatness. Descriptions of the physical often tend towards the earthy or even the gross: sweat, vomit, Bart's brush with the Spanish Flu. Glasses and cigarette butts are lipstick-stained, and everyone has bad breath. There is a relentless insistence on bodily functions: Bettina letting loose a long-held fart, Bart burping into his whisky, a newborn baby already leaking urine.

Which is not to say that the story isn't interesting: the arc of Bettina and Bart's relationship with each other and their myriad affairs, the raucous parties and decadent soirees of the Twenties and Thirties, the secrets within families and the openly queer folk in the London arts milieu. Some fun cameos, some poignant moments: if only they had happened to nicer people ...

Thanks to Netgalley for the free review copy!

[Soozee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Bart and Bettina grew up next door to each other, and having discovered that each preferred their own sex, decided to have a 'lavender marriage' so they can live the lives they want to. Set mostly in the 1920s and 30s, a time when homosexuality was a crime, I expected an exciting read, full of sharp wit and humour, poignancy and intrigue.

Instead we are presented with two very self-obsessed, self-indulgent people who clearly have no idea how lucky they are, do not have to work for a living, and spend most of their time using and abusing people (and each other) to achieve some sort of 'happiness'. It was a most disappointing read. No sense of the period of time; the twenties, thirties and forties, with all the myriad events happening around them, fail to actually touch their lives other than allowing Bettina to become a rat-catcher as a (rather over age) land girl. Even their parents are caricatures - father stern, unloving, full of cliches and mothers dithery and drunk, wanting someone else to look after them. Bettina and Bart make appalling parents, with no thought of the impact their actions may be having on their children - and possibly there were none as someone else was always bringing them up so they were always on the periphery. Personal, family and major world events just seem to blow over their heads and don't impact on their self-centred lives.

Very disappointing, I could not sympathise with any of the characters, even Bart and his love for Etienne and his struggle to carve a 'career' as an actor failed to move me very much. Indeed, I would have given it one star but for the final chapter which finally presented them as human beings.

Thank you to NetGalley, HarperCollins UK, HarperFiction and The Borough Press for allowing me access to the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Charlotte Jude · Rating 2 out of 5]

So I really enjoyed the first half of this book. Crystal Jeans put a lot of effort into description and characterisation, making me enjoy Bett and Bart as they discovered their sexuality and struggled to communicate it to one another. Bart’s love affair with Etienne was raw and electric, and Bett’s romps with Margot where developed nicely and spiked interest. Their meeting in the bathroom reminded me of Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - a book I adore.

However, past the wedding, the plot got complex, the characters became petty and messy and significant life events where mentioned in passing forcing double takes over and over. The gross descriptors and casual sexual harassment/fat phobia where distasteful and caused me to struggle through the rest of the text. The build up to the murder also felt anti climactic, although I enjoyed the epilogue and getting to find out the fate of our main characters.

All in all, this book made me hopeful, it’s blurb attracting me through its promises of queerness and murder, set in the scandalous backdrop of 1920s England. However, what it left me with was a sour taste after it’s relentless stereotyping of gay sexual desire and it’s confusing pacing that resulted in the plot and the characters getting lost in their own mess.

[Pablo Martín Campos · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book does a lovely work at portraying the struggles of homosexuality during the beginning of the 20th century and how people had to find different ways to make it work. In this case, we see how a lavender marriage allows two childhood friends explore their sexuality away from society's criticism.

Something that I found quite interesting about this book is that both Bart and Bettina were very easily dislikable characters, self-centered, and immature. They are aware of their own faults and how they're hypocrites when arguing with their partner. However, I'd have appreciated a bit more character development. The book is almost 400 pages long and I feel their personalities haven't changed much since they were kids.

[Luc · Rating 1 out of 5]

What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck?
I've DNF'd this book at 41 pages in because in those 41 pages I've experienced multiple descriptions of bodily fluids, more instances of Fatphobia than I thought possible, and the weirdest combination of Middle-Grade style writing and 'humour' with swear words.
I wanted to like this book, I'm not the kind of person to complain about any of the things listed above generally, but this book felt so mean spirited about every character on the page.

I cannot in good conscience recommend anyone spend money on this tripe.

[Isabelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

This could have been such a fun story, the premise is so fun but alas. Full of fatphobia, a weird obsession with describing everyone's genitals, aggravating characters and very anticlimactic ending - not sure why they threw a murder "mystery" in at the last minute. Also at the beginning Bart complains about the sexualisation of gay people and how it's more than just sex, but all the relationships in the book are basically just focused around sex. The beginning was okay, but generally it was a frustrating (and somewhat anxiety inducing) read.

[Verity Rogers · Rating 3 out of 5]

Why why whyyyyy did this blurb lie to me and get my hopes up so. What a wonderful concept that just fell a little flat. I was so excited for queerness and debauchery and 1920s scandal, and we did get some of that, and it was still a pretty camp old time. I just feel what I was promised was not entirely what I got, and maybe I DID get it but a lot of the characters were pretty unlikeable throughout that it took away some of the queer charm. I understand Bart and Bettina were supposed to be complex, and morally grey, and thus divas and “iconic” because of that - but they were kind of irritating throughout. I did come to love them by the end, so I guess it did work somewhat, but I don’t think that changed everyone else being kinda insufferable. And I get that was the point, that everyone was a bad person and involved in morally questionable activity (that whole roaring twenties scandal), but it took away a lot of heart from the book that I think it would have really benefitted from. I still had a good time, it was indeed a romp and a fun little story for the most part.

There’s a weird string throughout of bodily fluids and visceral sex acts (I think again, an attempt to be scandalous). I do think the murder and blackmail that we were supposedly building up to ended up being a little bit anticlimactic, but I did spend the whole time thinking Bettina had killed Bart - a deliberate red herring that worked, I think - so it was a fun twist that it was Henry she killed, and as she fucking should, I’m glad the old pervert died. This was fun, I just feel I was promised (and wanted more), not a complete waste of time though, a good deal of camp, slightly historically inaccurate, fun.

[Robin · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were parts that were stellar and parts that were... really not. I enjoyed this as a brutally honest examination of queer friendship. Bettina and Bart have a series of delightful ups and downs in their relationship, which seems to be the central plot; however, I read on mostly because I was interested in finding out what was going on with the murder that was alluded to in the beginning and was disappointed at how abrupt and mundane it came out to be. If you're into interpersonal drama and don't care so much about form, this might be the book for you because it is full of hilariously complicated relationship melodrama. However, the "plot" that seems to be hinted at in the beginning and the actual character plot that fills 90% of the book are completely separate and like I said, the murder just pops up at the end with very little lead-in and it broadly did not hit any notes with me. It was just something that happened for the sake of happening. There's also way too much throwing up. Just so much. It's quite disgusting, actually. I think it added to the messiness of it all the first time but I got the message after the next three or four times it came back up, pun intended.

I had fun while I was reading this book because there are some absolutely hysterical lines, but I do not think I would read it again, nor recommend it without a series of heads-ups. 1) The vomiting. 2) Transcribed accents (ugh). 3) Gratuitous use of the genital C-word. 4) Anachronisms. I'm glad I stuck it out and finished it, and if you like some messy interpersonal drama then give this one a try (Havelock Ellis would have had a field day with all the raunchy reflection on gay sex), just don't expect a masterpiece of modern queer literature.

[Jess · Rating 2 out of 5]

this was such an odd one, i think I've only given this 2 stars purely because I finished it so I must of liked it to a certain degree. I really love books that are set in the early 1900s which I why I picked this book up, and I really did like that aspect but I found a lot of the themes in this book super problematic. there was just way too much homophobic language that I found unnecessary a lot of the time and the word 'plump' was also used on pretty much every other page. there was just so much fatphobia and homophobia that it was uncomfortable to read at some points. there were definitely good aspects of this book but just not one that I would pick up again, somehow it did get me out of my 2 month long reading slump though!

[Nati · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well... the other reviews were right.

It had a plot that promised to be a great book, but it tried to cover so many things that it didn't. The murder? Really??? 2 pages at the beginning, 2 at the end, but it's all just "there", it doesn't add to the story. How did they end up as they are in the future (so the present of the story)? No clue either.

I thought this would be a DNF, but it got a bit better and I managed to enjoy some parts of the book, but then it was meh, and the ending doesn't tie all the knots.

[Lauren · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nope nope nope! I got like 37 pages in and lost count of how many characters were body shamed and from reading other reviews it doesn’t get better

[anna marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

had high expectations of this but was pretty disappointed... also found it annoyingly fatphobic tbh :(

[Niamh · Rating 1 out of 5]

1.5 stars

[Moa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought I was gonna like this book, it sounded promising and interesting, but I didn't like it at all.

[Becca Madden · Rating 3 out of 5]

Betts you have my heart

Bart pulling an Amy March was not a slay