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541 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006






“I do not wish to live without you.”
“Nor do I.”
“We will not allow that to happen to us. If we die, we die together.”
“If you feel yourself mortally wounded, you will take me with you?”
“Oui, with my dying breath I will kill you. Will you do the same?”
“I do not know if I could.”
“Neither do I, and if I knew I would die I would want you yo live.”
“And I cannot imagine it without you. So we are back at the beginning.”
“Let us not die.”

“You give me hope.”
“How so?”
“If you can… do anything with a man then there is a chance I can learn how not to… slip into madness at any reminder of it.”

Gaston leaned to me during the confusion and hissed, “Damn you, Will, we have not even made it through the soup and already you have threatened a priest and drive them from the house! Are you in such a hurry to return to our room?”

“They are like beasts,” he said with a tired sigh.
“Oui, two beasts. I think they are quite beautiful. In my eye, men appear at their most powerful when they strain to reach that momentary perfection. Every muscle and sinew is taut, and for them there is nothing else except their bodies and the sensations. Fighting in concert, side by side, it is as if they storm the gates of Heaven demanding entry.”

I was gripped with a red-hot fury like I had experienced few times in my life. I could not see him for the blood haze in my eyes. I sat very still, thinking that if I moved, I would spring upon him and strangle him. When I could trust myself to look at him, I found him glaring at me. His eyes glittered dangerously in the lamplight.

“So what do centaurs do with their lives?”
“Hide in caves.”
“Oui, but when that grows dull.”
“Become shepherds and physicians and train great heroes.”
“Are we hiding in a cave?”
“Oui, and in truth, Will, now that you are here I feel no need to leave it.”


“What do you feel centaurs should do?”
“Be with other centaurs.”
“And when that grows dull?” He grinned.
“I do not foresee that.”




Dickey regarded the horizon thoughtfully. “I wish to find or grow love.”
I swallowed a lump of meat I was not finished chewing, so that my mouth would be free to say nothing.
“It will cost in ways you never consider, and it will be worth any price,” Gaston said.
“I know now that I am not as scared of the possibility of you hating me for what we might do – as I am of me hating you for what we will not do.”

“Non, truly,” he said, “I see us as the dark and the light. Two sides of the same thing. You are bright and shining and I am a thing of shadows.”
“I will be your white horse and you can be my black.”




“I have given the matter great thought and I fear it is more a matter of lancing and draining and possibly even bleeding. There is one other time when it functions, though thankfully I have never acted upon it; and that is when the madness grips me.”
“It is all tied together in some Gordian knot in your mind, is it not?”


“I lived because I could not die,” he breathed. “I gave no thought to the future. I was not careless with my life, but not careful either. I was mad before and I am mad now; it merely takes a different form. I was always alone. I think I hoped that eventually I would be unlucky and it would end.”
“Do I frighten you?” he asked.
I found myself studying my hand, watching you see if it would succumb to the tremors again.
“It is not you precisely,” I murmured. “The demon that possesses you manifest in rage and sorrow. My demon shows itself in fear and shame and sometimes melancholy. Yours just calls to mine, that is all.”

“I will fight it with you as best I am able,” he whispered. “But Will, I foresee a very long war.”

“I wish you to understand that I don’t find you… revolting.”

“It is no matter. I am Gaston the Ghoul, and a centaur and matelot to Lord Will the Fool.”


He shook his head. “I cannot imagine a woman adoring me as Pete does, or caring for me the way he can, or fighting at my side, or watching my back, or any of the things he does for me. Pete is an extension of myself now. I think of us as two parts of a whole. I can rely on him as I do on myself. I do not have time to care for another who is not my equal. A man needs a matelot and not a wife to survive. Women are luxuries, like fine clothes and sweetmeats.”
“There is no harm in it,” I said. “If anything, we are the wives.”
“I make no comment on that,” Theodore said. “I believe I meant that you two are the more business-minded of your pairings.”
“I would not say that,” I said. “Gaston is far wealthier than I.”
“Theodore threw his hands wide in exasperation. “More socially acceptable perhaps? More likely to have the proper attire? Less likely to kill another guest?”

“Will, I am sorry.”
“For what?”
“That I do not favor men.”
I cursed silently under the weight of those words. “You do not know how many times I am sorry that I do. It has been the bane of my damn existence.”
“And now the irony of your existence,” he said. “Here you are amongst the Brethren where it is acceptable, and yet you are with me.”
I did not find his comment amusing, and I looked at him sharply. He was studying the surf quite somberly.
“It is not fair,” he added. His eyes met mine. “I will do what I can.”

He shrugged. “It is usually not a pleasant emotion I find myself filled with.”
“And now? Do you feel it know?”
“Oui. It is pleasant. I have no name for it. Can you name yours?”
“Oui.” I bit my lip. I was hesitant to speak it, as I had always been soundly rebuked for it before. “Love.”

“Do not leave me,” he whispered.
“I will not.”
“I will try to make you.”
I frowned and held him tighter. “You will not succeed.”


He was beautiful and brought to mind a fine rapier or even my grandfather’s wheellock musket: a finely crafted thing of grace and tempered strength inlaid with jewels and designed for killing
“I wish my heart could come,” I blurted. He frowned with consternation and so I explained about how I was uncomfortably swollen with emotion. “I know that feeling,” he said soberly. “I feel it.” “Then what do you do?” “Kill something,”
In my eye, men appear at their most powerful when they strain to reach that momentary perfection. Every muscle and sinew is taut, and for them there is nothing else except their bodies and the sensations. Fighting in concert, side by side, it is as if they storm the gates of Heaven demanding entry.”
This was the stuff of poetry, play, and myth. It was equally transcendent and harrowing. There was no condition that could be placed upon it. It was enduring and conquering. And I had never felt its like before.
"That remark, coupled with the name of the Chocolota Hole, visited upon me the realization that I may have landed in a town full of armed sodomites."
"If we fight alongside men we love, we do not fight for our lives or gold or glory or kings, but for each other. Death is less painful than watching a loved one die; and no fear is as great as being alone after the battle. And no man would appear as a coward in his lover’s eyes."
"I may be embarrassed that others consider me to have a lover, but I am honored that it is you."
