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420 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 24, 2002
misbegotten paradise
the bad days and the bad nights now come too
often,
the old dream of having a few easy
years before death–
that dream vanished as the other dreams
have.
too bad, too bad, too bad.
from the beginning, through the
middle years and up to the
end:
too bad, too bad, too bad.
there were moments,
sparkles of hope
but they quickly dissolved
back into the same old
formula:
the stink of reality.
even when luck was
there and life danced in the
flesh,
we knew the stay
would be short.
too bad, too bad, too bad.
we wanted more than
there could ever be:
women of love and
laughter,
nights wild enough for the
tiger,
we wanted days that
strolled through
life
with some grace,
a bit of
meaning,
a plausible use,
not something
just to
waste,
but something to
remember,
something with which to
poke death
in the gut.
too bad, too bad, too bad.
in the totality of
all things, of course,
our petty agony is
stupid
and vain
but I feel that our
dreams were
not.
and we are not alone.
the relentless factors are
not a personal
vendetta against a single self.
others feel the same
searing
disorder,
go mad, suicide, go
dull, run stricken to
imaginary
gods,
or go drunk, go drugged,
go naturally
silly,
disappear into the mass of
nothingness
we call families,
cities,
countries
but fate is not entirely
to blame.
we have wasted
our chances,
we have strangled
our own hearts.
too bad, too bad, too bad.
now we are the citizens of
nothing.
the sun
itself
knows
the sad truth of
how we surrendered
our lives
and deaths
to simple
ritual,
useless
craven
ritual,
and then
slinking away
from the face of
glory,
turning our dreams into
dung,
how we said
no, no, no, no,
to the most beautiful
YES
ever uttered:
life
itself.

