Men's Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, and Find Freedom

by Connor Beaton

“I can unequivocally say that this is the book every man needs.” ― Mark Groves, human connection specialist and founder of Create The Love

Suck it up. Stuff it down. Pour a bottle of whiskey over the top. Rinse and repeat until sufficiently numbed. This is the step-by-step doctrine men are taught. Men have traded in their internal leadership, sovereignty, and even masculinity for comfort, validation, and an escape from the mundane boardroom of their existence. Where is the modern-day strength training for the hearts and minds of men?

In Men’s Work, ManTalks founder Connor Beaton offers the tactical, self-led guide men have been looking for. Here, he destigmatizes inner work by reframing it as a kind of psychological warrior training that many men can relate to and have been craving. Beaton walks you through a framework for facing the hidden and rejected aspects of yourself―factors that lead to self-sabotage, anxiety, and depression. Through real-life stories from men he’s worked with and guidance in practical, accessible exercises, he takes you on a three-part journey to uncover and free yourself from the thoughts, emotions, and patterns that hold you back.

When you face off with those pieces in place, that’s when you’

• Live with clear purpose and direction
• Build your skills to win at relationships
• Gain better control of your anger
• Learn how to regulate your mind, body, and emotions, even under stress and conflict
• Become fearless and at peace with your journey

Men’s Work focuses on the unique challenges that men with psychological and emotional wounds so often grapple with―while giving you the tools to heal and return to society in a way that is both empowering personally and beneficial for all. “The goal of this work is not only to become a better man,” says Beaton, “but a better participant in the collective enterprise of living. True freedom awaits.”

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Mental Health, Philosophy, Health

272 pages, Hardcover

Published January 31, 2023

Reviews

[Radim Sandr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful. Intense. Real. A must-read for every man who wants to ditch toxic masculinity and become one with our true purpose as men. The healthy, sacred masculine energy we all possess but are often disconnected from. But a heads up; it will be uncomfortable. Especially if you choose to do all the integration exercises within the book. Connor will break you down to nothing. To the little boy you still are deep within. But then he will help you build yourself up anew. Stronger, healthier, more compassionate, confident and someone to be respected.

[Alex Fikar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Connor may have written the single best resource for men who want to be the leader in their life. A lot of this book is spent analyzing “the shadow,” which is the part of our subconsious that leads us to shame and self- sabotage. Connor presents this through a blend of personal (relatable) experiences not just of men he has worked with, but of himself. This is not a self-help book nor is it a book solely devoted to masculinity. Rather, it is an a game plan for us men to find freedom in healing while becoming better partners, fathers and leaders in the life we desire for ourselves.

[Adam Brossler · Rating 1 out of 5]

This might be helpful if the reader hasn’t tried any types of self-development, if they have then save your money & time as the information within the book is basic. The author’s “no BS approach” I took as an excuse to use largely anecdotal accounts with little supporting evidence from articles or studies. The bibliography highlights this with references to a few articles when there are entire well written books on subjects (pornography being a notable one). The exercises within the book look based on CBT but without the help you would get from a therapist discussing them with you. The book is heavy on Jung, as a lot of others of this genre targeting men are, but shadow work is more complex then is presented & in parts the book feels more Tik-tok in its approach to condense the information.

[Alex Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hold yourself accountable

This is one of the biggest lessons of this book. To often we don’t want to talk about things, push each other or take responsibility. If we want to achieve success then we need to take responsibility for everything we are doing. This book has you accepting your truth for who you are and this allows you to move forward and become the man you desire.

[Gage Elliott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful book that challenges you to look inward instead of blaming your anger/fear/worthiness on others. This book is more like a workbook to utilize for a long duration, not just read once and put down. There’s multiple journaling prompts throughout which helps you sit with your uncomfortableness and answer pointed questions about what makes you tick. Overall I highly recommend this book for anybody looking to break out of their current self sabotage and become the best version of themselves (given you do the work!).

[Martin Tielemans · Rating 3 out of 5]

Het boek is heel matig, want je lees regelmatig open deuren. Tevens biedt de schrijver weinig tot geen onderbouwing voor zijn teksten. Dus de inhoud lijkt op bro wetenschap. Hoewel de schrijver heel aardig is, zou ik eerder aanraden om naar zijn podcast te luisteren voor de inhoud van het boek.

[Matt Kight · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't remember exactly how I discovered Mr. Beaton but I suspect one of his videos popped up in my algorithm YouTube feed. Regardless, initially I was both skeptical and curious to hear more from him. Skeptical, because he's younger than me and how could someone younger than me impart wisdom I haven't already learned and curious because he apparently had a pretty intense life-changing story and seemed genuinely sincere in his efforts to share it for the betterment of other men. Well, thank God I didn't let his age deter me, Connor seems to be light years wiser than me and most of the men I know. I've read many self improvement books over the years but I think this is uniquely special primarily because it's both modern and directed specifically toward men. This was refreshing because he uses examples of how men are bombarded with a glut of technology temptations that our fathers and grandfathers didn't need to contend with as well as some of the more recent cultural shifts that have sent mixed messages and confusing narratives about healthy (toxic?) masculinity to us men. The biggest theme I took away was his recurrent advice that we embrace the discomfort in truly paying attention to our fears, feelings, and behaviors and not shy way from trying to understand them and learn why they exist to help us change. I'm always attracted to the reminder that we can't control our feelings but can learn to control our thoughts about our feelings and can definitely control our actions in response to them. I usually remove books from e-reader immediately after completing them but I think I'll leave this one onboard for a while to reference back for some sage wisdom.

[David Maywald · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was published in May 2023, and is written by the founder of ManTalks. Beaton is a Canadian, he is a facilitator and speaker, amongst other things. Some of this book is drawn from Jungian writings, philosophy, and psychology. But what will really resonate with male readers are the lengthy extracts from Beaton’s own life, and from the lives of thousands of men who he has worked with… This real-world insight adds complexity and substance to the book, which is essential.

The main topic areas are relationships, communication, self-development, emotional intelligence, meaning, and purpose. This is a heavy read, with quite a lot of deep introspection and reflection. My guess is that the target audience is likely to be middle-aged fathers, as well as older men. I’d be surprised if many young men choose to engage with this depth of material, prior to marrying or prior to becoming a father themselves (good on you if you have, I’m delighted to be pleasantly surprised).

There are many questions that Beaton poses to the reader in each chapter, along with “integration” exercises to undertake. This is a book for a very engaged reader, who has enough time to slow down and make the most of the rich textures. It’s not preachy or religious, but it does expect a lot of the reader.

Highly recommended. This is a book for our times.

[Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely amazing read. Connor Beaton breaks down the challenges of living life as a Man, with humility and personal reflection, and gives the tools to begin working with the shadow that so many of us have kept just there, in the shadows and dark recesses of our own psyche. With prompts to really get you thinking about different aspects of your life where you have been lacking, where these self limiting beliefs have originated, and ways to integrate these practices to face these personal demons head first, this book is an amazing read with the potential (if taken seriously and with an open mind and determination to face what what have hidden for so long) to change and help the lives of so many.

[ناديا · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the book in order to understand my son’s mind, what he may be going through being away in UK, especially I grew up with no brothers, my late father was the only masculine figure.

This is a very informative book, not only for men but also for anyone who desires knowing them, dealing with.
It also has wide human reach for any kind of person, however I really advice mothers, fathers to read it carefully, its your personalities and acts what affect sons personality


“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed “ Friedrich Nietzsche”

بهذا الاقتباس لنيتشه يبدأ المؤلف الفصل الأول من الباب القبل الأخير المعنون LIBRATE أي تحرر.
برغم مايبدو على موضوع الكتاب أنه عن الرجال وموجه غالبًا إليهم، فقد وجدت من الضرورة بمكان الإشارة أنه لكل أحد، للأم، للأخت، للصديقة والزوجة وبالتأكيد لمعشر الرجال من أب واخ، صديق وزوج، فالحق أنه حديث عن النفس البشرية عمومًا في مواضع عدة، تخبطاتها وهواجسها، في حين يفند بدقة شديدة عالم الرجل، كل ما يخصه، العوامل المؤثرة على تكوين شخصيته، سُبل العمل على تطوير الذات، موردًا أمثلة من قصص حقيقية تعامل معها، ومرفقًا تمارين كتابية في نهاية كل فصل مفترضًا صدق الإجابة عنها، للتغلب على ما قد يلمسه قارئ الكتاب معركته مع نفسه.

يُظهر الكاتب كيف وكم لتأثير علاقة، وجود وتصرفات الأب والأم على علاقة الرجل مع نفسه، أصدقاءه، شريكة حياته، وحتى نظرته للحياة بما فيها التزاماته ومخاوفه.

الكتاب مقسم بالترتيب:
LEAD - LOVE - LIBRATE & LEGACY
القيادة ربطها بالأب، الحب بالأم، التحرر بالعقل، وسأترك لفضول الأصدقاء كيف حكى عن الإرث وبما ألصقه.

▪️The pain isn’t the problem, how to deal with it…… Pain can sharpen … Pain can expand who we are at our core
▪️In our response lies our growth and freedom

The last chapter about LEGACY is very touching!

[Lawrence Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Audible). Absolute must read for all men. I made more notes in this audiobook than any other audiobook. The author cites Carl Jung and the role of the unconscious similar to Elliot in Existential Kink, and takes the listener on a journey thru why masculine is needed to how to reclaim masculinity, with practical exercises.

QUOTES:

(1) don’t avoid pain, rather run towards it, address it and find a way to turn pain into purpose

(2) there is no way to be brave and courageous without being vulnerable (smacks of Brene Brown)

(3) self-leadership is your ability to influence and guide yourself towards your highest aims, potential, capability and purpose; your capacity for self-reliance, trust and direction

(4) in coming of age, men typically have to trade some portion of their authentic strengths and gifts for safety and belonging

(5) isolation makes a man impotent; isolation breeds fragile men that seek to control others in their lives

(6) isolation equals amplification of preexisting conditions, fears and behaviors

(7) only 17% of boys have a positive relationship with their father; typically a boy doesn’t have a relationship with his father, but with his shame, pain, anger and aggression

(8) the breath is a pathway for restoring balance of the nervous system

(9) an intimate relationship is meant to teach you about yourself, it is meant to reveal the deeper layers of who you are as a man; how you treat women is how you treat your unconscious mind and everything that you don’t know about yourself

(10) anger is sacred and an integral part of your life, helping you to create order; sacred anger honors relationships

(11) no legacy is so rich as honesty

(12)the author outlines the PROCESS of finding the choice/growth between stimulus and response (a process most of my criminal clients fail to recognize)


FINAL QUESTION: Are you willing to see what you are truly capable of as man at all costs without knowing the outcome.🧐

[mag · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book along with a lot of Connor's videos and podcasts. I first heard him talk about attachment theory and was shocked because it felt like he was talking about me. A lot of other topics he talks about I could relate to and there is something about his knowledge and delivery that impact me. After listening to him for the first time I ran and got this book.

I've never read a book like this before, and a lot of these topics were new to me. Some of the topics are things I struggle with and Connor talks about some of the reasons why the problem started, why it's present, and how to overcome it. Each chapter has a number of questions that go along with it. They are helpful probably questions I'll revisit every once in a while.

The book made me discover topics of masculinity that I had never thought about before. That's one of the strengths of this book for me. It opened my eyes up to a lot of things that I didn't know. If you know some of these topics then the book might not be as impactful to you. But again, for me this book and Connor's other works are very impactful to me.

In terms of self help I think this is a very complete guide and something unique to other self help books I have read in the past. I'm going to read no more mr nice guy next and it will be interesting to compare and contrast both of these.

[Sam van Ginkel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like this book is able to walk a tight-rope that a lot of masculinity content is not. It's able to (I assume) appeal to ordinary men, while also drawing them deeply into self-examination. A call to action paired with a softness and care. That duality is generally what I like about Connor.

My critique (that applies to most content of this genre) is that in speaking about 'how men are', there's an absolutism that I don't think truly represents how diverse men are. There are many men I know that I would not recommend this book because I don't think it would speak to them. I think that's totally fine, you can't write a book for everyone. And maybe the best way to handle that is to not even address that it's not for everyone. But, I think that bit of nuance might have actually added strength to the book. That not every man actually is task-oriented. That not every man is happiest when building a business. That while self-improvement is likely what draws most men to this book, it might not actually be what every man wants.

I think admitting that might take away from the semi-religiosity of the men's self-improvement movement that I often feel. And to be clear, I myself am geared toward self-improvement. But I also don't have illusions that it's the only way.

[Brucehound · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an essential tool for the modern man's search for positive masculinity. Some of what Connor discusses here wasn't new information to me, having already read a few books that are a similar vibe. But they are important enough to be reinforced. The "work" part of this book is literal. Each section provides you with journalling prompts to reflect and investigate. Which is not everyone's cup of tea. But I froth on that shit. And I'd say if you've got as far as opening this book, you're at least invested a little bit in improving yourself. Anyway, out of all the positive masculinity books I've read so far, this is the most helpful one and I think every masculine identifying person could benefit from it's lessons.

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Connor Beaton. He's one of those voices in today's world that speak the hard truths, and I first discovered him on Instagram through his Stories. I was excited when he released this book so I immediately bought the hardbacked copy. Each chapter is organized in such a way that it provides insight and journaling prompts with questions to ask yourself as you journey through self-discovery.

Beaton is manosphere-adjacent, which feels like a lot of the wisdom without the toxicity. This book challenges men to embrace their shadow selves, live authentic lives of integrity (not perfect lives, just ones that are honest and open), and how to lean into our masculine and avoid the toxic traps of pain avoidance and addictions.

[vlad popescu · Rating 4 out of 5]

O carte bună și utilă, în care autorul reușește să atingă mai multe subiecte sensibile bărbaților. Cartea este presărată cu exerciții și întrebări, care te provoacă să arunci un ochi către starea ta, reală, interioară.
O conștientizare pe care am avut-o pe parcursul citirii acestei cărți este că atunci când intri într-un conflict cu părintele, partenerul sau copilul, de fapt intri într-un conflict cu o parte din tine cu care încă nu ești ok, iar ei vin să-ți apese butoane, să te pună în anumite situații, tocmai pentru ca tu să înțelegi și să evoluezi. Să poți depăși o frică, să înveți să pui o limită sau alte teme pe care le ai de învățat în această viață. Dar întotdeauna este despre noi, celălalt fiind doar un mijloc de evoluție, scopul fiind tot noi și lecțiile noastre.

[Gustavo Maldonado · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was alright. Entertaining enough to not quick but okay enough to leave it at any time. Here and there the author gathers interesting information when it comes to his references to Young but to be honest he generalizes his public too much.
Throughout the pages you can tell he is not a doctor or a professional psychologist just a man who has talked and spent a lot of time with hurt.
Ironically, I found the author a little egocentric as he speaks about his pain and experiences, but instead of coming from a teaching angle, he seems to be venting or it seems like I’m bringing his dairy.
I think is a great self help book for beginners and just that, I would recommend to someone who is trying to get into reading and wants to feel like he is becoming a better man

[Nathanael Pearson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Beaton has good points, and clearly cares about helping men improve. I feel he did not present a strong vision to call men forward, but instead relied on men designing their own version of what they want. I thankfully don't struggle in many of the ways he's describing, and that's part of my reaction. The book is more workbook and work-along than I'd expected. I found myself skipping most of the reaction portions, looking for more insights and takeaways. Perhaps that's a weakness on my part.

Worth a read, but not outstanding in any way. There were some good quotes but very little of this book will stay with me for long, I feel.

[Shauna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This a book written by a man--a vulnerable, honest man who grew into a man, wasn't just born into it. This book taps into the vulnerabilities of men that create destructive thoughts and behaviors. This is an empathetic book that is compassionate yet direct on how to get out of those patterns on onto a path of healing and developing that can build healthy relationships. For any man who struggles with addictions, destructive thoughts, blame, difficult relationships, and faulty self-talk this is a must read as it is a great resouce.

[Pavan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing deep dive into the minds of how people think/express , especially men. Though the title says men’s work, a lot of the topics covered can be applicable to women as well.. vulnerability, anger management, porn, relationships, parenthood and many other things. I guess the author tried to cover everything under the roof and must say , he is successful for the most part. Some of them seem too repetitive to build the case he is presenting though there are other obvious choices. But this can be ignored for all the great topics covered..

[Jonathan Roseland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Integrate the shadow of your masculinity before it drags you to hell
Lately, I've been listening to a lot of masculinity podcasts. One of them that doesn't suck is ManTalks with Connor Beaton. So I dove into his personal growth book for men, which also doesn't suck! It really lives up to the second word of its subtitle, A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, and Find Freedom. The book is about a topic I've long shied away from (for some reason)...

[Jacob Petrossian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been following the ManTalks show for a few years now. Initially this book was a little hard to read as I was so used to listening to Connor rather than reading anything from him.

There is a depth of practical exercises one can do to dive deeper into their own psyche and behaviours. This book almost convinced me to pay for a therapist to help me dive deep into the exercises.

Highly recommended for my fellow brothers out there who are interested in doing work of this kind.

[Mathew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it, a strong take on positivity masculinity grounded in Jungian psychology. Lots of practical tasks to help you reflect on how you get where you are and where you're going. One for my brothers out there doing the work, regardless of whether you're in a good place, bad place, nowhere in particular, or right where you want to be. Ignore the cringe self-help title, this is a generally applicable, practical manual to owning your story and continually moving forward.

[Gerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one I picked up when I was going through a personal development phase in my life. This book did dig deeper, so if a man is seeking personal development he should read this book. It tackles problems that other books may not discuss, or do so briefly. I enjoyed learning more about myself and learning to accept parts of myself, embrace them, and remove friction between me and the present. Again, this book just talks about stuff that I could not find in other ones. Great read, 10/10.

[Taylor Ellwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Men’s work provides a no holds barred approach to doing the deep work all men need to do if they want to truly step into their masculine identity. In this book the author provides helpful exercises that enable you to explore your relationship with your emotions, and other areas of your life. I found this book to be very helpful on my journey to explore the sacred masculine.

[Maki Iatridis · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book. I’ve heard most of it before and most of the useful information is generic to all genders. How to be a better person. There were a few male-specific sections, like dealing with the myth of vulnerability, but not as many as I would have imagined for a book about men. And, some of it seems to be more about the author healing himself and his ego.

[Mike Ljubsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

An essential book for men who want to heal and grow in their lives. Particularly, if you are unfamiliar with the basis of where to start and what taking action towards a life of personal expansion looks like.

[Shawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A direct and no-nonsense guide to facing the things that hold many of us back from reaching our potential as men. Excellent exercises and writing prompts throughout. Would be a great book to work through together with a group of other men, but very valuable to work through alone.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Think

I really enjoyed this book. i can relate to wisdom, stories , and The words of wisdom. It felt like have a coach, mentor or therapist in TBE room with speaking to me. The journal prompts provided an opportunity to a Bach forth conversation.

[BookMarkus · Rating 5 out of 5]

Educational and Inspiring

I found the messages in this book to be quite eye opening. Some of course related more to me than others, but I found all of the content interesting and educational. I plan to put many of these exercises into practise!