Do As I Say: How Cults Control, Why We Join Them, and What They Teach Us About Bullying, Abuse and Coercion

by Sarah Steel

At the heart of being human is the desire to belong. It can make us unspeakably vulnerable to the manipulations of others. Cult leaders prey on this desire, but so do many unscrupulous operators hiding in plain sight.

Sarah Steel, the creator of the popular 'Let's Talk About Sects' podcast, has researched the cults you've heard of--and dozens you haven't. What strikes her most are not the differences between bizarre cult behaviour and 'normal' behaviour but the depressing similarities. Her work reveals that we are all susceptible to the power of cult dynamics.

In Do As I Say, Steel tells the human tale behind the sensationalism. Sharing deeply personal stories, gathered over years of interviews with survivors, and some shocking tales about the world's most famous cults, she sheds light on the high cost of unchecked coercive behaviours to individuals and communities at large.

Genres: Nonfiction, Cults, Audiobook, True Crime, Religion, Science, Psychology

352 pages, Paperback

Published June 28, 2022

Reviews

[Thomas Edmund · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do as I say is a very good intro to cults type book. I don't know whether that's mildly insulting to say or what the author was necessarily going for but ultimately its a genuine compliment.

To explain, the format of Do as I say, covers several basic Cult strategies and tactics for operating and securing members - and provides multiple brief examples of each.

Where I think some may be frustrated is that the book doesn't quite go beyond in any way shape or form. It sometimes felt like just as a topic was getting really interesting, or an individual anecdote was reaching a climatic point, we moved onto the next topic.

It's hardly the worst book out there, in fact what is covered is covered really coherently, and accessibly. I guess what I'm saying is that there lacks a certain spark or key thread to the book. It's a great book for an overview or introduction to the topic, but I imagine anyone who is super versed in Cults might find the book a little shallow.

I still enjoyed it overall!

[Chris · Rating 1 out of 5]

Do as I say, do not entertain this book.

The author has had the book endorsed by the aus government as detailed on page 3, meaning the narrative would have to align with theirs for them to approve use of their coat of arms on the books inside cover. The authors linked in page shows a working history within fairfax media, who are owned by channel nine news, who publish mainstream media publications such as the age and herald sun.

Is there irony in the books premise and title after having endured the past 3-4 years of having ‘done what you are told’ by all these media sources on what is essentially only trust and good faith? The influence on viewers core belief systems have as a result been altered, and therefore human behaviour.

The book suggests an insight to cults, however I suggest that the contents of this book have been influenced, curated and approved by the biggest cult of all. Mainstream media and government.

Here again lie the tentacles of corporate media in an attempt to adjust the pitch of the ships sails to catch a fresh gust of wind in the hopes of redirecting the attention of lost viewers (irony again), back to restoring faith in the news outlets attention economy once more, to strengthen lost influence at the now demise of the largest illusion carried out to date.

After all, if nobody pays attention to media, there is no media. God forbid people start thinking for themselves, what a world that would be - the train may finally depart from circular thinking toward less confusion and progression.

My opinion.

[Kat ☀️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I want to preface this review by stating I am an ex-cult member.
This book covered a lot of different topics around cults, and even dived into different parts of society that use similar tactics to traditional cults.
For me personally I found some parts healing, it takes a long time to fully work through the years you spend in a cult and as Steel discusses there is so much stigma. But you can see her genuine concern and compassion and at times it felt like someone telling me “you didn’t do anything wrong, you aren’t a failure and it’s okay to feel your feelings”.
I think a lot of people could benefit from reading this book; former cult members, people with loved ones in cults, people who don’t understand why people join cults and even those who are fascinated with cults but may never have looked into why people really join them.

[Theo · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's harder to rate a factual book out of 5. I think there is really the question of how well it dealt with the two main criteria:

Was it politically on point?
Did it maintain a consistent level of interest throughout?

Do As I Say gets a strong yes to both of these. There are many fascinating non-fiction books I've read that either lose steam hugely as they go on or which end up repeating the same ideas over and over. Here we have a book that manages to keep the reader engaged consistently as it touches on many aspects of cults and their behaviour, including holding a mirror to our society.

Sarah's podcast is great but this is different thanks to being more of a cross-cutting piece, a good companion to the podcasr's deep dives into specific cults.

[Kate Stewart · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book grew out of the author’s podcast, and sadly it shows. A real mishmash of fact, opinion, personal reminiscences and polemic. A shame; it could have been much better with a better editor

[Tess Carrad · Rating 4 out of 5]

I find cults fascinating. And so I attended 2 workshops by Sarah Steel which really only touched on the subjects of cults and conspiracies. Now I need to listen to the podcast.

[Giselle · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book gave me some insight into historical cults and how they operated. The author's political bias and personal beliefs came across very clearly, so I read certain sections with a grain of salt, feeling they lacked nuance and the author's voice often came from up on her high horse.

I had held hope that certain current political movements might be analysed, but alas, was disappointed. How can a book about cult behaviour fail to notice and mention the elephant in the room - Transgender Ideology? Looking in from the outside, it is painfully clear just how many cult criteria boxes it ticks, yet so many, even cult 'experts', refuse to look. Yet when you see it, you can't unsee it.

Robert Jay Lifton's Eight Criteria For Thought Reform:
- Milieu Control - check
- Mystical Manipulation - check
- Demand for Purity - check
- Cult of Confession - check
- Sacred Science - check
- Loading the Language - check
- Doctrine Over Person - check
- Dispensing of Existence - check

These articles give precise examples for each criterion.
https://ourduty.group/information/is-...
https://uncommongroundmedia.com/10-wa...

[Tricia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found the information about the cults really interesting. I think the discussions did drift into political opinion, which I did not find as interesting.

Good introduction into how cults form and how everyday people get into them.

[Lyss · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately let down by editing. Book is a bit all over the place with examples, and author bias becomes dominant in the later parts of the book.

[Emily Rainsford · Rating 4 out of 5]

"...cults prey upon vulnerabilities that are core to our species: our need for acceptance, to be part of a group, to connect, to feel safe. Cult leaders themselves manipulate, dominate and control because, sadly, those are also very human behaviours."

Do As I Say by Sarah Steel does exactly what the subtitle promises: it examines "how cults control, why we join them, and what they teach us about bullying, abuse and coercion." What you'd expect from that title is exactly what you get here and there's really no more accurate or succinct summary of this book!

The author has not been involved in a cult herself but rather runs a podcast in which she interviews people who have. I think this element of objectivity is a positive here, as she really manages to capture compassionately how easily even the most sensible and intelligent person can fall victim to cult dynamics and tactics, and is able to examine the subject without it feeling like a personal vendetta or grudge.

This book manages to be both comprehensive and fairly surface level. By that I mean, it offers more of an overview of the topic of cults as an interesting psychological concept, rather than a deep dive into any particular cult. It draws together the threads of many different cults to examine the human psychology beneath them - and then extends out into the ways in which the same patterns of control and submission can be found in other aspects of our lives, from the corporate world to relationships to conspiracy theories.

I had a personal reason for feeling drawn to this book, as I was born into a Jehovah's Witness family and spent 12 formative years of my childhood under that rule. It took me well, well into adulthood to even start to consider that my childhood was actually extremely abnormal and to accept that may have had a subconscious effect on my choices and experiences as a young adult. Even going into the book, I thought maybe I was being "dramatic" to consider JWs cult-like - I tend to write any trauma off as "oh other people have it so much worse", like I haven't perversely "earned" the right to the word trauma. This book was extremely validating for me. It confirmed for me that JWs absolutely were a cult, and it really gave me some big AHA moments as I realised how some of my messiest decisions in my teens and 20s were probably subconsciously driven by my upbringing. This really helped me give myself a little grace.

The book discusses how difficult it can be for members to escape cults, and indeed there are many parallels to abusive relationships in terms many people feeling unable to leave due to lack of support, money, self-confidence etc. It makes the reader consider what is lacking in our society that leaves so many people so desperate for a sense of belonging and purpose, leaving them so vulnerable to coercion - and that therein may also be the answer.

Although the author is quite clearly left-leaning in her politics, she does manage to address thorny topics like the recent vaccine debates with a fairly level hand and sense of compassion, which I appreciated. Steel at one point draws the conclusion that one of the biggest dangers as far as these cult-like dynamics spilling into wider society is the danger of black-and-white thinking, which is something I have been thinking about for a while. As she says, "absolutism breeds inflexibility" and "a society that empowers people to avoid being abused by governments, partners, bosses or cult leaders is a society that embraces grey areas, understanding and genuine empathy."

I did not at any point find this book dry or drowning in facts as some non-fiction can be. It is easy to read and engaging the whole way through. I think if the psychological aspects of cults and the way those factors may present in wider society interests you, you'll find this an enjoyable read.

[Addie · Rating 4 out of 5]

'When we uphold the narrative that those who join cults are gullible and stupid, we’re contributing to another kind of victim blaming. It may help us feel safer, to think that we’d never be so easily manipulated, but it’s pretty short-sighted, and, as so many former cult members have taught me, generally incorrect.'

Thoughts:
- I tend to think about cults in terms of false doctrine (i.e. groups who teach incorrect and harmful things based on deliberate misinterpretations of a religion), so it was very interesting seeing cults discussed from a sociological perspective. Steel identifies elements of coercive control within high-demand groups, and how patterns of abuse are utilised to keep people trapped in these groups.
- Some of the examples made me pretty angry. People are capable of doing some seriously disgusting things.
- Also found the discussion of non-religious cult-like groups fascinating (e.g. MLMs, toxic fandoms, toxic companies, gangs), but it's also pretty sad how abusive leadership is tolerated in so many spheres of society.
- Didn't agree with all of Steel's personal opinions, but nonetheless it was well worth reading.

Key points I took away:
- Nobody joins a cult on purpose, usually people become involved at turning points in their lives.
- Leaving is often so much harder than most people assume, and stereotypes generate more barriers preventing people from getting the support they need.
- Women are disproportionately impacted by cult groups.
- Some elements of cultish behaviours can be found in perfectly healthy groups (e.g. there is naturally an "us and them" nature to group membership, groups have their own vocabulary, etc.) but if there are too many red flags, that might be a clue that things aren't as they seem.
- Non-religious cults can be just as damaging as overtly religious cults. Often their leaders will end up taking on a "godlike" status to fuel their own need to control others.
- Understanding and recognising abusive behaviour helps us to better value safe and healthy leadership practices and group dynamics.

[Natalie Grand · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am the author of Cult Girls (comedic graphic novel) and I follow Sarah on twitter. Cult awareness is so important because children are being trafficked for big businesses and are shunning children, hiding abusers and mentally manipulating members. It took years of reading books to heal myself and make a change in my family and be a better parent and live a happier, more fulfilling life. It is also important to read and study cults, because it is easy to lump cults with religions and they are not the same. Many churches in my area do wonderful things for people and you can leave at anytime with repurcussion and they have a safer way of working with children and not using FEAR, voilence and "us against them" mentalities. Thank you for writing this Sarah Steel.

[Giovanna Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enlightening and interesting from an Australian perspective. Also delves into international cults. For me it was the editing that let it down a little. At times it jumped to many examples at once, jumping between cults (there are so many!). not sure how to manage that, perhaps in-depth case studies at the end of a subject in the chapter?
To the 'cookers' who have given this book one or 2 stars. Open your minds and good luck on your journey. Like Steel I have no interest in interacting with you - if you don't understand why, re-read her book.

[Shelleyrae at Book'd Out · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sarah Steel, the creator and host of the popular 'Let's Talk About Sects' podcast, examines the dynamics of cults and the people involved with them in Do As I Say: How Cults Control, Why We Join Them, and What They Teach Us About Bullying, Abuse and Coercion.

The definition of a cult is not always clear, but most of us are certain we would recognise one, so I found it interesting that many of the former members (who weren’t born into one) interviewed by Steel claim they didn’t join a cult, they joined ‘a group’ or ‘a movement’ or’ a community’, and it was only much later, some not until after they’d left, that they recognised they had been recruited into a cult. They’d often been vulnerable at the time, not because they were naive or unintelligent as people are wont to think, but because they were at a turning point in their lives and searching for purpose or a sense belonging.

Toxic cults, Steel demonstrates, are incredibly adept at promising to have the answers for those seeking them, and irrespective of country, culture or belief system, share similar unhealthy traits designed to impose control on their followers. Steel explores the tactics they exploit to recruit and keep members, and why people, especially women, find it so difficult to leave once they become enmeshed. It’s far more complicated than you might think and Steel, sharing fascinating firsthand accounts and meticulous research, provides thoughtful insight into the issues.

Steel also addresses the elements of cultic behaviour that can be found in a range of societal organisations including mainstream religion, MLM companies, political groups, fandoms, and street gangs. There is some discussion about conspiracy theories including those that have arisen due to the pandemic. I appreciated the focus on cults operating in Australia, somewhat surprised to how many have a foothold here, though often these are an offshoot of North American or British groups imported via the global reach of the internet, and disappointed to learn that Australia’s weak whistle-blower laws offer them so much protection.

Written in an almost conversational tone, Do As I Say reads well. I particularly like that Steel allows for individuals to share their personal stories. I do think the book could benefit from some boxouts to highlight or summarise points made in the narrative though.

Do As I Say is an interesting, thought-provoking read that should suit a range of readers interested in the topic. In her conclusion, Steel suggests transparency, empathy, bridging and education, especially in regards to understanding coercive control, is a way to not only combat unhealthy cults, but will also help those caught in abusive intimate relationships. Certainly something needs to change as society increasingly veers towards absolutism.

[Brooke Lea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good insight to a subject topic that is considered taboo

[Ginnyjazzpot · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book hard work and more and more frustrating the further in I got. It was hard to finish but I was determined, hoping it would get better or all come together. It did not.
I did not like the way it was set out, with different themes of cults I guess. The author would weave in quotes saying for example “David from two by twos”. I found this frustrating, were we supposed to remember all these people and all the different cults? Were they people she had mentioned earlier or new people?
I enjoyed the quotes so I think personal stories from the people that lived it or more in depth look into each cult (whilst highlighting the similarities) would have been better. There were no real insights in this book.
I also was really put off by the change in writing in the last half where it became more random musings and personal opinion. I agreed with most of what she wrote so I wasn’t offended by it but I bought a book about cults, not a book about the opinions of a the author on a myriad of subjects.
Overall seemed somehow amateurish and poorly edited. Wouldn’t recommend.

[JC · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

This book is pretty much a compressed version of the podcast. The author knows their stuff and
it is a good whistlestop tour.

Would I recommend? Yes if you like the podcast.
Would I reread? - Probably.

[Alexa · Rating 3 out of 5]

From Sarah Steel erotic kink author, victim of a ponzi con artists and the host of "Let's Talk About Sects," which I have never listened to as of right now but I have downloaded a couple of episodes to listen to over the coming weekend.

Steel does an excellent starting job. She starts in the right place. Nothing too mind-blowing if you devour cult literature as I do, but easy reading and to the point.

Then we hit chapter 4, and while I was thinking how refreshing it was to listen to a moderate (and non-american) writer, we suddenly run face first into left-wing nonsense and (please God make it stop) American politics. The racist sexist statements against "straight white men" completely undermining the suffering of so many men who have, in fact, been caught up in and had their lives destroyed by cults. Dr Steven Hassan, for one whom she references! I find it so frustrating and sickening at this point that someone can throw out generalizations as such without a second thought. Particularly as studying cults should make you more open to examining and questioning.

There is still a lot of good writing and very good points that are dished out. The inserts from suvivors are a genius touch. So I totally would recommend this book BUT

I have currently gotten up to chapter 10, and somewhere around chapter 8, she started bashing on her family and airing personal grievances that they have differing opinions from her as they are disinformed and misinformed Steel has been ranting about Donald Trump and Qanon... not that these things are not valid topics in themselves, but they are also not a cult, and if you do belive that there are cult elements fine, virtually every group does have cult elements that you can point out. But thinking that you're going to go on the internet and not find niches of things you disagree with, or in fact, things that may be harmful...? The internet hosts the dark web, it hosts every possible platform for every possible person, there are trillions of links on the internet. GIVE IT A REST.

I am eyerolling my way through the statements about crumbling democracy, her dislike of the monarchy, patriarchy, her fawning admiration of peer reviewed papers (as someone who has peer reviewed and been peer reviewed and seen Dr. James Lindsay's work. Let me tell you, peer review is better than not but it can also be nonsense as excessive politics much like in this book, has invaded everything)

So here I am hoping we come to a strong conclusion

POST SCRIPT :
I want to add that I think Steel is very well intentioned even if she is daft. She has quite a few ideas about involving the government in cults and creating social services (she compared it to workers' compensation) for a safety net. Steel goes on to say that cults (or high demand groups) are largely a white western phenom. I hate to tell you that they are most definitely not, although most non-western countries without freedom of religion and speech and freedom more generally would (she is correct) not tolerate such nonsense. The End made me cringe at how niave she is and how foolish her ideas are, but it's still a pretty good book.

[Joelzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that was so detailed I would eagerly read it again as I’m sure I would take in new information each time.

This was so fascinating and although I am aware of the existence of Cults and dictatorship/god like leader culture, it’s not a subject matter I’ve read a lot on from a factual/non fiction stand point. The author herself as well as the people that she interviewed talk about the reasons that these groups are able to be controlling, corrupting and harmful. The reasoning behind why “people don’t just leave” these environments and why it’s just not that simple. Consistantly comparing to any sort of abusive and dominated relationship “Do as I say” explains how fear , lack of resources and keeping people in guilt and shame can be tools used to exploit people into staying in these situations.

[Einzige · Rating 2 out of 5]

Steel’s podcast is special because she researches and interviews ex members people from smaller contemporary groups, including ones from Australia and New Zealand. In this book Steel writes about cults or more accurately high control groups more generally, mainly using materials from her podcast. The end product however is a bit muddled as it attempts to include too many insights from too many groups which are explored piecemeal across the book in a way that is hard to understand unless you already familiar with them from her podcast.

So unless you are keen for a handful of personal anecdotes from her life you would be better served by just listening to her podcast while reading books by people like Steven Hassan. Still its good to see any work fostering the awareness and understanding of the problem of coercive control.

DNF

[Ryan Fletcher · Rating 3 out of 5]

With Steel's social and political biases openly evident within the pages of this book, there is some useful information into how hyper-liberal academics pathologize cultic behaviors. In a time where there is rampant atomisation amongst the population and the term "cult" is used to deride groups that are counter-intentional to the neo-liberal nihilism of deconstructionist disorder, the one thing I took away from Steel's book is to refrain from automatically internalizing her gaslighting as to what is and isn't a cult.

[Rhiannan Earl · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF - unfortunately this book failed to grab me at all.

I kept picking it up, putting it down and returning again weeks or months later. I truly tried to enjoy this book, however unfortunately it wasn’t for me.

I think what turned me off the book initially was the authors admission that she herself had never been a participant of a cult, but rather this was more a research piece - just was not the perspective I was hoping for.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated the fact that this book is not a shopping list of cults and their deeds, but rather a constructive critique to why our society allows this form of coercion to occur. Sarah makes a lot of interesting points about cult mentality in general (as in behaviours that we can see in ‘normal’ society), and proposes achievable solutions to try and minimise the effect that cult leaders can have on people in need of a community and sense of purpose. Food for thoughts.

[Bernadette Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book shows how anyone can be fooled by manipulative people and groups, it's not just fools and suckers.
Sarah explores not only international groups but many here in Australia. From political donations to martial arts dojos, this book gives us a fascinating glimpse into the what could be happening to you or someone you know.

[Chad Schultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author hosts "Let's Talk About Sects" podcast. This book skims over a variety of groups using cult tactics: lesser known religions, closed communities, martial arts groups, politics, fandoms. I think there should be more emphasis on mainstream religions. Valuable knowledge for any adult; recognizing cult tactics should be taught in school, IMHO.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Sarah Steel has been talking cults for a long time now. Her "let's Talk About Sects" podcast, which launched in 2017. "Do As I Say" draws on a vast amount of research and first hand interviews conducted by Steel. Super informative, a little scary, but overall a great read.

[Maz · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interest look into cults, breaking it down into leaders, people that get sucked in, control & power dynamics, and the background of each. I recently read See What You Made Me Do by Jess Hill, so it was very interesting to read about similar tactics in abusive relationships and in cults alike.

[Pam Reed · Rating 2 out of 5]

The topic is important; the information is helpful; but I was frustrated that it wasn't well written or organised. I could definitely see parallels between those who've been subject to domestic abuse and those who have been subject to cults. Something to think more about.

[Briana · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great companion to Sarah Steel's excellent podcast. It was worthwhile and interesting to see different tactics associated with cults highlighted in groups and circumstances we don't usually consider in those same terms. Well-researched and thoughtful, as well as entertaining.

[Geneva Valek · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great way to call into question the problematic aspects of society by using cults as a mirror. Great work.