Beautiful, necessary, and deeply personal. This powerful coming-of-age story about teen mental health and navigating grief will resonate with fans of You'd Be Home Now and The Way I Used to Be.
Ten years ago, the Scar Squad promised each other nothing would tear them apart. Even when Casey Jones Caruso lost her twin brother Sammy to an overdose, and their foursome became a threesome, the squad picked each other up. But when Casey’s feelings for the remaining members—Francesca and Benjamin—develop into romantic attraction, she worries the truth will dissolve them. Casey tries to ignore her heart until Ben kisses her at a summer party, and Frankie kisses another girl. Now Casey must confront all the complicated feelings she’s buried—for her friends and for the brother she’s totally pissed at for dying. Since Sammy’s death, Casey has spilled all the things she can no longer say to him in journals, and now more than ever, she wishes he were here to help her decide whether she should guard her heart or bet it all on love before someone else decides for her.
Cassandra Newbould's stunning and deeply personal debut novel follows a teen girl struggling to find herself in life and in love after losing her twin brother to the opioid crisis.
Things I'll Never Say follows Casey, an eighteen year old fat, bisexual surfer, who's grieving the death of her twin brother while also juggling her feelings for both of her best friends. The story is told through a series of journal entries that Casey writes to her dead brother as a way to let out her feelings.
The way grief was explored in this book was so beautifully heartwrenching. We get to see Casey go back and forth between anger at him for the overdose, confusion on how she's supposed to go on feeling like half a whole and most painful of all, acceptance that he'll never come back to her. Throughout all of this, Casey also struggles through a budding drug addiction and it was interesting to see how she dealt with the fear of becoming just like her brother. It all felt very palpable.
If the book had been solely focused on the grief aspect, I might have rated it 5 stars but the romance bit was underwhelming. None of the best friends felt real to me and other than the fact that they ended up in a polyamorous relationship, there was nothing else that really stuck out to me about them.
I loved how the book ended the same way it started, with Casey and Sammy, her brother. It was very much an open ending but we got to see somewhat of a curtain being closed on Casey letting her grief control her life and how she enjoys it and I found that to be a perfect way to end the story.
I would recommend it for anyone who enjoys stories about sibling love and loss!
This was a great YA coming of age story about a fat, bisexual surfer girl with ADHD who is dealing with grief over the overdose of her twin and grappling with the new romantic feelings she has for her two best friends.
I was all in for the great representation in this book but I wasn't a huge fan of the love triangle plot. It seemed a little too unrealistic for me that high schoolers would entertain a throuple/threesome but maybe that's just me being a super square.
Recommended for fans of We ship it by Lauren Kay (another book with a MC whose sibling overdosed). Thanks to @prhaudio for the complimentary ALC in exchange for my honest review! This was good on audio narrated by Marli Watson.
PICK ME CASEY! Not a lot of plot for a whole lot of words, and too many angles (love triangle meets grief over a sibling meets trip to grandmas?) I am confused
Full disclosure, as the author's agent I'm extremely biased. But I have no chill and I can't wait for you all to read this incredible book. Add it to your want-to-read shelf RIGHT NOW!
⚠️Tw: addiction and drug use, overdose, mental illness, biphobia, fatphobia⚠️
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me an ARC copy before the release.
Things I'll Never Say is about love, loss, growing up, and learning to continue loving someone even after they've left this world.
This is one of the best coming of age books I've ever read. Cassandra Newbold seemed to rip my heart out and somehow put it back into my chest. I felt like I was in the story, next to Casey, being her shoulder to cry on; being her friend as she mourned the loss of her twin, and as she wrote to him. We've all struggled with grief, but Newbold really describes it well.
I loved the adventures that Casey, Sammy, and their friends got into, feeling like I was right there with them, tripping on acid as they were pulled over by a cop. I'm not sure I've ever laughed and cried so hard while reading a book.
"No one ever warns you how much the small shit matters when someone dies. How grief can make the most annoying traits important. The very things you hated about a person you now miss ferociously."
Throughout reading this book, I definitely had to take quite a few breaks. I adored every second of Things I'll Never Say, but I realized I still had grief that I was dealing with. It was hard to get through some of these pages, but not because of bad writing, or because it was boring, but because I could relate to Casey, her family and friends. Losing someone is never easy, and like Casey, I've also written to loved ones who have passed - it definitely helps.
If you stumble across this lovely book, I highly recommend that you read it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Check TWs for sure but this is such a great read. A girl who loses her twin brother by OD. Now has a crush on her two best-friends, so she must come to terms with her bisexuality and figure out what is best for her heart overall. I enjoyed how it was written as journal entries from the FMC, Casey, but the other characters were very well developed!
*Thank you to Peach Tree Teen for sending me a copy of this!*
I was really eagerly anticipating this one, it sounded like exactly the sort of emotional coming of age story that would absolutely rip me to shreds and then put me back together again - my favourite kind of book. I was expecting something Kathleen Glasgow-esque, but what I actually got was just a disappointment sadly.
The thing that hindered this one for me was the writing. I don't think it was very well written, and that made the reading experience all the more difficult. It’s told in a diary sort of format whereby our narrator is writing to her late brother, but the tone and vibe of everything just felt massively misaligned. For a start, the entries/chapters feel at times far too formal and written like a traditional novel, so I wondered what the point of the diary attempt was. Secondly, half of the things she was saying felt very weird and a bit too intimate to be opening up to her brother about. It was just a bit all over the place, and it felt like the book couldn’t decide how to style itself.
The plot of this one was also incredibly boring, nothing actually happened. We spend hundreds of pages getting nowhere. As well as it being this dry, I also found the substance we were provided with extremely cringey. From the dialogue to the internal monologue, a large portion of this book ended up giving me second hand embarrassment. The pacing was really stale, which meant that while this book should’ve taken me a day or two at maximum to get through, it ended up taking me almost a week. I was just forcing myself to get through it. I wasn’t invested in it at all, and felt nothing emotionally though some of the subject matter in here was extremely sad.
To top it all off, I found the characters extremely cardboard and bland as well. They just had no real personality to them, I feel like I didn’t really know our protagonist, her brother, or their friends at all by the end of this. We know their names, and that they were friends, and they liked to surf…and that’s about as far as the character development went. Even the discussions of addiction and mental health felt really surface level and wishy washy to me, it felt like this book was introducing very interesting and complex subject matter and then doing nothing with it. I feel like this had all of the necessary elements to be a really interesting and impactful read, but didn’t execute itself well at all.
The reason I’m giving this a two instead of a one is because I did like the bisexual and polyamorous representation, I feel like it’s something you don’t often see in ya books - especially in tandem. These could have been more developed, but the inclusion itself is commendable.
TINS is a beautiful story that takes care of its readers the whole way through. An epistolary mixed with interstitial poetry, the reader becomes intimately close with the thoughts and feelings of protagonist Casey. Is it possible for a book that dives into difficult topics such as sibling loss and drug addiction to also be a feel-good story? The answer to that question is a remarkable yes. The pain that Casey feels is palpable, but never romanticized in the way that YA books in the past have been prone to do when discussing addiction. This is a story that truly explores grief and the way that overdoses impact the lives of so many others beyond the user themself. This is also a love story, and not one that you’d expect. We see deep, realistic friendship love between the Scar Squad. We see tender love between Casey and her family as they navigate such a substantial loss together. We also see the normalization of polyamorous and queer relationships in a way that I wish I could’ve read much earlier. Knowing how deadly serious relationships can feel at that age, it’s an absolute joy to see how Casey can date two people without it being an issue, and with both of her partners getting along. The healthy relationships in this book are admirable and at times blush worthy. Would I recommend this to a friend? In a heartbeat.
I can still feel a hand of raw emotion around my throat as I try to find the words to describe this book.
It was so powerfully raw and authentic. It’s perhaps one of the few books that truly made me feel like a teenager again, and wow. As a twin this was an extremely difficult book to get through. But wow. The grief, the emotions, the confusion the anger…. It’s expressing all so gut wrenching powerful it’s pure poetry. I do not render the last time I was more devastated in the most beautiful way. Positively essential—for grief, for love, for acknowledging the opioid crisis. For everything readers are confused by and need to hear a voice that is just as powerful when she is confused. And loved. And lost. Wow.
Truly a powerhouse of emotion, this book! It’s a deep, realistic view of grief, showing many true, ugly parts of healing after a sudden loss. The MC, Casey, lost her twin brother to an opioid overdose, and the book does not shy away from the anger and guilt and self-destructive paths that she takes as she deals with his loss.
I highly recommend this book! It felt cathartic to read. I loved the epistolary style, the confessional way that Casey speaks to her dead brother and thus the reader. This story is heavy in the best way, and really stirred a lot of emotions in me as I related to Casey because of my own experience of loss. This is a wonderful debut, and I can’t wait to read more work by Newbould!
Took me a while took to get a hang of the writing but reading more understanding what she was going through is hard. Losing her twin brother, dealing with grief but for her writing to her help make things better for her especially having her best friend by her side which she spill her feeling to because she likes both of them. Overall great story for anyone going through a lost of a family member.
Deeply telling tale of grief expressed through journal entries of the surviving twin. I thought thenlove triangle was unnecessary but overall effective tale.
Thank you to Holiday House / Peachtree / Pixel+Ink, Peachtree Teen, and NetGalley for providing an eARC for a honest review.
What an amazing story! I have a couple loved ones who battle addiction and am very active in the harm reduction/addiction recovery communities and this was such a great read. Heart-wrenching and so very well written. Will definitely read again.
Thank you Peach Tree Teen for sending me this ARC and bringing this book to my attention! 🥰🫶 . I had never heard of this book before it showed up in the mail! I was totally surprised as the MC is bisexual and fat (literally me!) so I was so excited to read! Another similarity between me and Casey is we share a birthday- April 1st! How awesome! 😂 I almost never read “sad” books so this was a change of pace for me. I really enjoyed how raw and real this book felt and I think it can resonate with a lot of people. Although I haven’t experienced the things Casey does, I was still able to empathize with her a lot! . This book is told through journal entries written by our MC, Casey to her twin brother Sammy who died of an overdosed. The journal was an idea from her therapist and after each journal is filled she burns it. So we learn about things happening to Casey as she opens up about them through the journal. This makes for a bit of a slow start to the book but I think it makes sense as at the start of the book Casey is deep in grief and closed off. As you read we learn more about Casey and her friends along with more about her brother revealed in stories from the present as well as the past. . I loved how this one ended as it showed a positive future for Casey and the rest of the Scar Squad. She wasn’t completely “healed” at the end of the book but she was taking the necessary steps and I’m so proud of her for it! . !SPOILER! Also for people who hate love triangles because “why not just be poly?”, you will really enjoy how this love triangle ends! This was a very pleasant suprise and I love how the rep was handled in this book. 😉 !SPOILER! . One last thing, please check the trigger warnings before going into this one! Put your own mental health first! ☺️🫶 . Things I’ll Never Say, by Cassandra Newbould is out right now!
things i’ll never say by cassandra newbould ☆☆☆☆/5 I need to start this review with a CW. This book deals with addiction, death, overdose, grief, and many other triggers and sensitive material. Please be advised by the CW for this book and decide whether or not it’s right for you before reading. This was a super emotional book about a girl who loses her twin brother to overdose. The entire book is written in journal entry form and also contains small poems. It also deals with a coming-of-age storyline regarding the FMC’s orientation. She discusses throughout the book her coming to terms with her bisexuality and not being able to understand it without having her best friend/twin to work through it with her. The characters are very well written and extremely believable. Even though it’s all written from Casey’s (FMC) point of view in journal form, the characters are so well written and you really get a feel for who everyone is. Which can be very difficult to portray, as we only have one perspective of things, and little dialogue. There are small portions that include text conversations, but are still written by Casey and are interpreted by her. I felt so close to Ben and Frankie even though they had no actual part in the book? The way Casey feels for them and writes about them, I really feel close to them and the emotion that she feels for them. I would categorize this as YA… but due to the subject matter there would have to be strong CW on this category. It meets my expectations for a YA coming-of-age story for sure. The confusion and isolation that Casey feels and the way she deals with it is exactly the type of storyline I expected for this genre. I genuinely feel for Casey and her struggles. I was rooting for her and only want the best for her and her future. I almost lost it when she said “I can’t imagine living in this world without you for 40 years. Will I still talk to you like this when I’m old? Or will I forget?”. It honestly crushed my heart. It was very real and hit me hard, as I lost a loved one as well when I was 15 years old and wondered the same thing. The story was very consistent and had no plot holes. There was no confusion and the pacing made sense. Which can be hard considering there are dates on the journal entries. I loved it and thought it was very well written. I would recommend to readers who are okay with emotional books, and enjoy coming of age and YA romance/LGBTQIA2S+.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for giving me an ARC copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
There were so many parts of this book that hit me the chest. I could feel the grief and sadness in the pages. On the other hand, there were other parts that I didn’t like as much. 3.5 stars!
If you want a book focused on grief, it’s worth reading. If you don’t really care about the grief and just want to read about the relationship drama, this might not be for you. The relationship plot line was not very compelling to me so if you want a well done romance, I don’t believe this fits the bill.
This book consisted of journal entries all to her dead twin brother. I thought the author did a very good job telling a story through the journal entries. It felt very natural. Despite it being just journal entries it was still really engaging. I felt connected to Casey and the story of her life from the brief knowledge we got. I could feel Casey’s grief through the pages and it hurt me to imagine her losing her brother. Casey’s love for her brother is something I feel for mine, so it really hit close to home.
There were some beautifully powerful lines in this book! So many of them hit me hard. Some of the poems that were written were good and others I didn’t like as much.
I was more interested in her navigating her grief about her brother than the relationship between her best friends. Even the Scott and Kiley plot line was more interesting to me. I just didn’t care about either love interest. If I had to choose I’d pick Frankie for sure, but I would have enjoyed the book more if it focused just on going through the stages of grief. Ben didn’t seem to have any substance to his character other than Casey having a crush on him for a long time. He was very sweet to her and treated her well, but he didn’t have much of a personality.
Even though I said I didn’t care about the relationships, I would have liked to see the author build more on the open relationship conversation! You don’t see that very often in books, so it was really interesting to see how it would play out. It was only mentioned in the end.
I would love to know how everything plays out. It was an open ended book. It wrapped up on the plot line with Sammy for the most part, but there were still lots of questions that I want answered on what the future holds! Maybe that is the point; that you don’t know what life will bring.
I think it is worth a read, there were just some things I didn’t like as much.
*I received this book on Netgalley in exchange for a review* Honestly, this book was amazing. It was a gorgeous depiction of not only teenage love and angst but also of family, friendship, grief, and the entire spectrum of human emotions. I loved every second of reading this book and honestly cried for like 65% of it. Casey, Frankie, and Ben are beautifully written and crafted and perfectly imperfect. The love they share from beginning to end is natural and truthful and this was honestly one of the best depictions of this kind of friendship (in the beginning) I’ve seen. The love they all have carries through and makes you love them and more importantly makes you care, thus entangling you into the book early on. It is formatted through the main character, Casey’s, journal entries and I loved how this felt perfectly intimate (like seeing her internal thoughts, feelings, and emotions) but also crafted the story in a very authentic way where the journaling didn’t overshadow the plot. The writing style is easy to read and the story is quick, dragging you along through the waves of these characters' lives. I am not normally a fan of love-triangles but I saw this one and genuinely had to try it and I’m so glad I did because I loved it. Yes, there is a love triangle but it is about far more than just that and it is done in a way that doesn’t seem unrealistic or tedious. I recommend this book with all my heart, especially to teens who need to connect with someone, as it is a beautiful story with beautiful writing.
TINS is an epistolary novel that tells the story of Casey, a girl grieving the loss of her twin to opioids and struggling with substance abuse herself, even as she grapples with her growing attraction to two very different people. Casey is fat--and has mostly made peace with that--and is coming to realize that she is bi, and in this story she finds a way to create the life she needs for herself. Grieving with her are the twins' 2 best friends--who are also Casey's love interests--and Casey's loving family. Casey's letters to her dead brother are sad, loving, frightened, humorous, angry and resigned, sometimes all at once. Reading them, we're immersed in the overwhelming angst, drama, change, beauty and pain of coming of age and facing issues that would be tough at any age. If there is a weak spot to this book, it is that in a few places the epistolary format makes it difficult for the author to gracefully get across to the reader information and back story that Casey wouldn't really need to explain to her brother (because he would already know). But this difficulty only makes an appearance a few times and doesn't ruin what is a very moving story.
It's like a warm hug. That was the feeling I got the whole time reading and it took me a while to really think of why, how to explain this feeling.
When I say it's like a hug, it's like a day where you are crying, upset, and struggling. Then someone comes over to hold you in their arms, and tell you "I know how you feel".
They tell you their story and naturally not Everything's the same but there's enough to make you feel like you're not alone. They tell you things that you need to hear. They tell you things that make you know that you're not crazy, not a piece of shit, not broken. That your feelings are valid.
And they're not just saying those things to you, but showing how they got put in a place where they feel those things and that helps you see how natural what you're going through really is.
I think everything about this book was fantastic, from the discussion on grief and trying to live on without someone that was supposed to be there with/for you to the very real person that Casey is as you read her story. I can't wait to read more from this author in the future
Mini Audiobook Review: 3.5 - Thank you so much to PRH Audio for a complimentary copy of this!
Content Warnings from Storygraph:
This was such a mix of sweet and sad but yet a satisfying ending all mixed together. This book is told in a journal format of a teenage girl mourning the death of her twin brother who accidentally died of an overdosed. He was someone who she would look to for advice and she does so in the form of these journal writings. She often looks for guidance to her brother and now she is really stuck as she is in love with her two best friends.
I thought this book dealt with grief well. I have not lost a sibling let alone a twin but I could feel Casey's pain. I also liked the representation of Casey being not only a surfer but a fat surfer who is bi.
I thought the narrator Marli Watson was great & brought the youthfulness to Casey's character.
If you are looking for a quick YA listen that has some tough topics, high school drama, check this out!
if Ellen Hopkins, Jennifer Donnelly circa ‘Revolution’, Rainbow Rowell, and Laurie Halse Anderson all did a table write together in 2013, then the book was tabled and edited a decade later by, say, one of the Green brothers, this is the book that would hit shelves. i wasn’t ready for it.
there is a lot going on here, and while i have so much respect for the author tackling everything at once (because that’s what life throws at us), ultimately this was a little too much for me right now.
i think that this book is a solid portrait of grief and it’s messy reality, and that, alone, is beautiful. so many parts of this story and the representation therein are also important and beautiful. i definitely think it will appeal to its primary audience (which i’ll admit, i’ve not been a member of since the aforementioned Year of Our Lord, 2013).
maybe i’ll pick it back up when i’m feeling emotionally ready to time-warp back into that old-school YA feel. until then, i’m going to DNF at 80% or so.
Maybe 3.8 stars. This was, imho, a book about grief and loss, and dealing with it. I enjoyed the way it was told through journal entries that the MC was writing to her twin who had died from an overdose (TW.) It says it is written about a bi, fat, surfer girl with ADHD... umm, that's bothersome to me. First of all, her weight and the ADHD are mentioned once and twice. They seem to have been thrown in there to add "character" to the character, but have no bearing on the story. I also have a problem with books where a MC (side character) gets stoned constantly and surfs all the time, but is the Valedictorian? I used to work at a HS and that seems highly unlikely! But that aside, this book dealt with grief and dealing with grief well and realistically (for all of the various characters.) The whole bi, "poly" storyline seemed unlikely in HS, and also not really necessary to the story.
This wasn’t necessarily for *me* but it’s not a bad book by any means and I know it will find its people. I loved the characters and their friendship and my heart ached for them, and it had some incredible stuff to say about grief, body image, self destruction… It’s heavy but it’s a book that needs and deserves to exist. I had a little trouble keeping the timeline straight due to the haphazard nature of the storytelling which is what didn’t quite gel for me (plus one slightly cissexist line near the end that may not even be in the final) but that may very well be my own adhd having trouble keeping up. I think I would’ve enjoyed it more if it was a little more linear but I know that won’t both some people and I hope they enjoy it, and the people who need this book find it
Hi y'all! I hope that as you read THINGS I'LL NEVER SAY, Casey Jones Caruso's story about life, loss, and love that you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Casey's story will rip your heart to pieces and then patch it back together in this YA cathartic contemporary epistolary. It's about crushing on your friends, especially when you've found you like more than one at the same time, healthy poly-curious bi relationships, traveling grief in a non-linear path, learning it's okay to not be okay, strong family support, the OCEAN, missing someone so much that not only does it hurt but it makes you furious they're gone while you're still here, journal entries, parties, a nonna who is the GOAT, deadheads, first kisses and so much more . . .
A story of a teenager mourning the loss her twin and moving forward with life without him. Casey Jones must learn to navigate a life where he twin no longer exists. She must face high school graduation, the death of her grandfather and falling in love with both of her best friends. Through her journal entries we learn how Casey is or isn’t coping and Casey learns to let go of the past and move forward with the right now.
I personally am not a huge fan of journal style novels. I do like that this one is a way of healing and sharing with a lost loved one. It was just harder to hold my attention thus the neutral rating. Not a stellar story in my opinion but also not a horrible one. Would definitely read more from this author.
Whole book felt like a series of essays/lectures on certain topics, not an authentic journal written by a teen girl. Also for a book determined to lecture us on alternative sexualities and practices, it's kinda lowkey transphobic to have a character equate having a dick with being a man.
Also everything just seemed way too easy. It's a book for teens and maybe they prefer that to a more interesting ending, and I realize I'm not the target audience. But I still read the book and I still have an opinion on it.
Nice to at least see a teen book acknowledge that high school relationships just generally aren't built to last forever and you don't need to go into one trying to find the person you're going to marry.
I’ll probably be in the minority for this one, but I just didn’t like it. The book is made up of journal entries to the protagonist’s dead brother, and I got bored of reading them, honestly. It was too much recollection and reflection and too little actual storyline. The romance was also terrible. It felt like the author couldn’t decide if this book was supposed to be about grief or a love triangle. I’m sure it’ll work for many other people.
2⭐️
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this arc!
(Disclaimer: I received this book from the publisher. This has not impacted my review which is unbiased and honest.)
Things I'll Never Say is a book about grief, addiction, friendship, and love. It's about all the things we wish we could have said to someone who isn't in our life anymore. Those feelings of anger, resentment, and guilt all wrapped into one. It's deeply emotional. With incredibly strong side characters, Things I'll Never Say has strong internal monologues and the character of Casey is so vivid, detailed, and authentic.
I like that it was written through letters. I haven't read many books like that, so that was nice.
Something I've noticed is that I don't love when we're just told the main character likes someone, I’ve to be there and start liking the person with the main character. I also didn't feel like I got attached to the characters.
But otherwise it was a nice book about grief and having to move on when you've lost someone important
Terrific YA epistolary novel that addresses raw grief (twin sister writing to brother who dies of an overdose), along with friendship, coming of age, sexual confusion, crushes, and being a person in the world who feels things but doesn't let the world crush her.
Casey Jones, our protagonist, is believably spunky, funny, awkward and lovable.
Her two best friends are amazing and teen (adult) readers will probably wish they had such a support system.