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What's Your Grief?: Lists to Help You Through Any Loss
A friendly and accessible book of 75 lists that will help anyone experiencing a change or loss—for fans of Maggie Smith, Cheryl Strayed, and Katherine May—from the creators of the popular What's Your Grief website and community.
Losses, big and small, turn your world upside down. What's Your Grief? will help you through all of them.
Many life changes need to be grieved, from the loss of a loved one to the loss of a job, from a breakup to a relocation, and all the rest of life's ebbs and flows. In What's Your Grief?, mental health professionals Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams help you examine, investigate, and move through the complex but universal experience of grief.
Through 75 engaging, informative, and accessible lists, such as to-do (and not-to-do) lists, bucket lists, interactive lists, and more, you'll discover:
Five little-known truths about grief
Four reasons guilt is even more complicated than you think
Nine tips for communicating what you do (and don't) need
Seven common defense mechanisms
And much more
There's no single way to experience grief. But this unique book will help you move through whatever it looks like and feels like to you.
Losses, big and small, turn your world upside down. What's Your Grief? will help you through all of them.
Many life changes need to be grieved, from the loss of a loved one to the loss of a job, from a breakup to a relocation, and all the rest of life's ebbs and flows. In What's Your Grief?, mental health professionals Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams help you examine, investigate, and move through the complex but universal experience of grief.
Through 75 engaging, informative, and accessible lists, such as to-do (and not-to-do) lists, bucket lists, interactive lists, and more, you'll discover:
Five little-known truths about grief
Four reasons guilt is even more complicated than you think
Nine tips for communicating what you do (and don't) need
Seven common defense mechanisms
And much more
There's no single way to experience grief. But this unique book will help you move through whatever it looks like and feels like to you.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published September 27, 2022
166 people are currently reading
629 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
May 3, 2022
i feel like grief-related self help is so tough to read and review because grief and loss in themselves are not something you necessarily "want" to experience. this is less of a book that one might "want" to read, but for those of us living with grief, this is definitely a book you should read and will get something out of if you do (even if it's just one list that sticks with you). it's always comforting to see your grief experiences reflected in others and validated with psychological and scientific reasoning, and i appreciate how the second half of the book focuses on strategies for coping and living with grief after a loss. this book reads somewhat like a textbook or workbook, as the authors make use of a lot psychology / studies / research / etc. particularly useful for me were the sections that encourage you to make your own lists to confront your loss, consider the ways it has affected you, and imagine ways to cope. i felt like I should be taking notes and highlighting key terms! i love lists and i think the list format is specifically useful for this book as it allows you to flip through, find sections that apply to your situation depending or mood, and skim over what might not be relevant to you currently.
i personally connected a lot with the lists relating to guilt and regret (the differences between the two, why we feel them, etc.) as well as hindsight bias and counterfactual thinking, as my family and I experienced a lot of this after my dad died. i'm really appreciative that this book introduced me to the concepts of continuing bonds and post-lost growth, both of which i strongly resonated with. i would love to own a physical copy in the future to reference and go back to, as this feels like the kind of book you can pick up from time to time, look at a list for guidance on a feeling you're having or to look at your options for coping strategies, and then put down knowing you'll come back to different parts sometime later, and maybe lend to a friend in a tough situation.
the only shortcoming this book had for me was in its attempt to be so broad as "to help you through any loss." having lost a loved one and a beloved pet recently, i read the book through that lens. some lists definitely felt more applicable to my experiences than others, and i wondered how much people reading from the perspective of a different sort of loss would get out of the book. the aspirations for broadness make sense, though, especially in the context of the pandemic during which almost everyone has experienced some sort of loss or grief (which the authors mention in their introduction). also, since there are so many lists, certain ideas come up again and again and the book does start to feel repetitive at points. i'd really recommend reading this book in small bits instead of all at once.
i would recommend this book specifically to someone who is moving out of the initial absolute shock and intense emotions that come with a loss and is beginning to restructure their life, perhaps wondering if the way they're experiencing grief is "normal" (for me, this would have been about 2-3 months after my dad died). some of the lists discuss this - society often presents us with ideas of what the "right" and "wrong" ways to grieve are, which can lead one to feel isolated or misunderstood if one's grief practices don't quite measure up or tick the boxes of the well-known 5 stages. this book does a great job at introducing the psychology behind different theories of grief and helping its reader to understand different loss-related concepts, so you can begin to think about ways to live with grief without experiencing the shame or stigma of feeling that you're somehow doing it wrong.
(thanks to the publisher on netgalley for the arc!)
i personally connected a lot with the lists relating to guilt and regret (the differences between the two, why we feel them, etc.) as well as hindsight bias and counterfactual thinking, as my family and I experienced a lot of this after my dad died. i'm really appreciative that this book introduced me to the concepts of continuing bonds and post-lost growth, both of which i strongly resonated with. i would love to own a physical copy in the future to reference and go back to, as this feels like the kind of book you can pick up from time to time, look at a list for guidance on a feeling you're having or to look at your options for coping strategies, and then put down knowing you'll come back to different parts sometime later, and maybe lend to a friend in a tough situation.
the only shortcoming this book had for me was in its attempt to be so broad as "to help you through any loss." having lost a loved one and a beloved pet recently, i read the book through that lens. some lists definitely felt more applicable to my experiences than others, and i wondered how much people reading from the perspective of a different sort of loss would get out of the book. the aspirations for broadness make sense, though, especially in the context of the pandemic during which almost everyone has experienced some sort of loss or grief (which the authors mention in their introduction). also, since there are so many lists, certain ideas come up again and again and the book does start to feel repetitive at points. i'd really recommend reading this book in small bits instead of all at once.
i would recommend this book specifically to someone who is moving out of the initial absolute shock and intense emotions that come with a loss and is beginning to restructure their life, perhaps wondering if the way they're experiencing grief is "normal" (for me, this would have been about 2-3 months after my dad died). some of the lists discuss this - society often presents us with ideas of what the "right" and "wrong" ways to grieve are, which can lead one to feel isolated or misunderstood if one's grief practices don't quite measure up or tick the boxes of the well-known 5 stages. this book does a great job at introducing the psychology behind different theories of grief and helping its reader to understand different loss-related concepts, so you can begin to think about ways to live with grief without experiencing the shame or stigma of feeling that you're somehow doing it wrong.
(thanks to the publisher on netgalley for the arc!)
November 19, 2022
This book is phenomenal. The list format is so accessible and it isn’t overwhelming to get through. Going through grief makes reading hard enough with the lack of focus and these lists are short but succinct. I got through this very quickly and tabbed probably half the book. I loved the way they represented all different types of loss in the examples.
May 14, 2022
THIS. IS. BRILLIANT!!
This has to be the best book I have read on grief. After the loss of my brother 10 years ago, and having therapy to deal with the loss, I have been told I have 'delayed grief' so it's something that I am still struggling with, and still wanting to find the answers to.
This book may not have all the answers but my goodness, it really helps!!
The way the book is laid out, is just perfect. It's full of information, but it's split into separate short chapters, with key lists/bullet points included to make it easy to manage. When you're feeling low, the last thing you want to do do is read - and the last thing you can do is read. So the layout of this book gives you the ability to still get the reading done.
Thoroughly recommend it!
This has to be the best book I have read on grief. After the loss of my brother 10 years ago, and having therapy to deal with the loss, I have been told I have 'delayed grief' so it's something that I am still struggling with, and still wanting to find the answers to.
This book may not have all the answers but my goodness, it really helps!!
The way the book is laid out, is just perfect. It's full of information, but it's split into separate short chapters, with key lists/bullet points included to make it easy to manage. When you're feeling low, the last thing you want to do do is read - and the last thing you can do is read. So the layout of this book gives you the ability to still get the reading done.
Thoroughly recommend it!
February 12, 2025
I wish I didn’t need to read this book but it’s def a good one in its genre
August 17, 2025
This book was excellent. Surprising that something divided into randomly small numbered chapters that are self contained could be so useful. I think especially in grief you don’t want a million things coming at once so a short chapter seems helpful.
The book is written with a compassionate, understanding, and hopeful tone but never seems to lessen grief, suggest it will just go away with time, or suggest a quick “solution.” What it does provide is thoughtful insights and practical suggestions that can be worked through in all the different places and ways that grief may be felt.
The book is written with a compassionate, understanding, and hopeful tone but never seems to lessen grief, suggest it will just go away with time, or suggest a quick “solution.” What it does provide is thoughtful insights and practical suggestions that can be worked through in all the different places and ways that grief may be felt.
February 21, 2023
Grief can be a scary thing to face, because it is so nonlinear, and the hardest parts of grieving just take as long as they take; so you never know how long you will be going through the worst of it, and it's hard to judge where you are with the roughest parts and how much further you still have to go. If you go into a bookstore looking for books about grief, most of them are geared toward people whose loved one has died, and it can be hard to apply the content to nondeath losses - which of course come in many shapes and sizes and can still trigger really terrible and lasting grief. So this book is unusual in being more broadly written to apply to all kinds of grieving and all kinds of losses. You might think the format of lists interspersed with colored pages and friendly fonts would be too fluffy for such serious content, but to me it ended up being perfect. Another grief book I tried to read was just too intimidating and hard to cope with or focus on, even though it looked really good; but with this one I felt like I could read a few of these little lists every night, and it was so much easier to digest and inviting rather than intimidating.
And there is really good content here - I felt like I learned quite a bit that was helpful. Like I had never heard the term "cumulative grief" before, which is where multiple grief-triggering losses happen over time and things build up, so what might otherwise have been manageable is overwhelming instead. And it also introduced the concept of "secondary losses," which might seem obvious (like when you lose friendships with a former partner's friends after a split), but was useful to put a name to and think about as its own concept and part of what can make grief so complicated and full of unexpected new blows.
Another thing I learned from the book that was kind of a big epiphany for me was that rumination can be a form of avoidance. Intuitively you'd think it was the opposite - that rumination consists of intrusive thoughts, where you can't help thinking about distressing things, and so you're constantly wallowing rather than avoiding. But the big insight is that rumination is really where you're focusing on the causes and consequences of the loss to avoid thinking about even more painful aspects of it: the fact of the loss, its irretrievability, the fact of being powerless to change what can't be changed but just has to be endured and coped with and survived, including what happened in the past. As the book quotes existential psychologist Irving Yalom at the end, "sooner or later we all have to 'give up the hope for a better past.'"
So, I can highly recommend this. (The only downside to note is that the entire book industry seems really to have gone downhill with their editing and proofreading departments, and this book is unfortunately in line with that trend, with quite a few noticeable typos.)
And there is really good content here - I felt like I learned quite a bit that was helpful. Like I had never heard the term "cumulative grief" before, which is where multiple grief-triggering losses happen over time and things build up, so what might otherwise have been manageable is overwhelming instead. And it also introduced the concept of "secondary losses," which might seem obvious (like when you lose friendships with a former partner's friends after a split), but was useful to put a name to and think about as its own concept and part of what can make grief so complicated and full of unexpected new blows.
Another thing I learned from the book that was kind of a big epiphany for me was that rumination can be a form of avoidance. Intuitively you'd think it was the opposite - that rumination consists of intrusive thoughts, where you can't help thinking about distressing things, and so you're constantly wallowing rather than avoiding. But the big insight is that rumination is really where you're focusing on the causes and consequences of the loss to avoid thinking about even more painful aspects of it: the fact of the loss, its irretrievability, the fact of being powerless to change what can't be changed but just has to be endured and coped with and survived, including what happened in the past. As the book quotes existential psychologist Irving Yalom at the end, "sooner or later we all have to 'give up the hope for a better past.'"
So, I can highly recommend this. (The only downside to note is that the entire book industry seems really to have gone downhill with their editing and proofreading departments, and this book is unfortunately in line with that trend, with quite a few noticeable typos.)
January 20, 2023
Dit bijzondere boek wist gelijk mijn aandacht te trekken. We hebben allemaal met verdriet te maken, maar toch gaan we hier enorm verschillend mee om en naar mijn idee wordt er ook veel te weinig over deze gevoelens en emoties gesproken. Aangezien ik zelf ook geen prater ben maar een opkropper, was ik enorm nieuwsgierig wat dit boek bij aan houvast en steun kan bieden om anders met verdriet en verwerking om te gaan.
Wat een bijzonder, intens maar ook helder en toegankelijk boekje is dit. Ten eerste is het binnenwerk van het boek ook prachtig weergegeven. De stijl en kleuren van de buitenzijde komen ook aan de binnenzijde terug. Het is enorm vrolijk en speels opgemaakt, dat alleen dat al wat kleur geeft op momenten van verdriet.
Zelf heb ik, het boek van voor tot achter gelezen, toch is dit niet noodzakelijk en kan je het boek ook gewoon openslaan en daar lezen en of oefeningen doen. Het zijn allemaal vrij korte stukjes over een onderwerp dat toegankelijk, vlot en helder geschreven is. Iets wat je vooral niet wilt is op het moment van verdriet, is een zwaar verhaal lezen. Maar geen nood, dat is dit dus absoluut niet. Het boek is ingedeeld in 3 delen;
Deel 1: Verdriet: de basisbeginselen
Deel 2: Het brede spectrum van verdriet
Deel 3: Omgaan met verdriet
Ik, als lijstjes en controlefreak, kan dan ook mijn geluk niet op met dit boek. Dit boek bevat heel veel lijstjes, beknopte opsommingen en t do's. Het verhaal is een combinatie van psychologie, kennis, tips, tricks, oefeningen, echt van alles wat rondom het thema verdriet en hoe je er mee om kan gaan. Hierdoor is het een enorm leuk en mooi boek geworden.
Dit mooie, heldere en gestructureerde boek weet je zeker houvast en steun te geven in tijden van verdriet. Door middel van interessante weetjes, maar ook de grote hoeveelheid tips en tricks gecombineerd met de prachtige vormgeving weet het boek je zeker mooie inzichten, troost en steun te geven in moeilijke tijden. Ik weet zeker dat ik het nog vaak uit de kast zal halen voor troost en houvast.
Wat een bijzonder, intens maar ook helder en toegankelijk boekje is dit. Ten eerste is het binnenwerk van het boek ook prachtig weergegeven. De stijl en kleuren van de buitenzijde komen ook aan de binnenzijde terug. Het is enorm vrolijk en speels opgemaakt, dat alleen dat al wat kleur geeft op momenten van verdriet.
Zelf heb ik, het boek van voor tot achter gelezen, toch is dit niet noodzakelijk en kan je het boek ook gewoon openslaan en daar lezen en of oefeningen doen. Het zijn allemaal vrij korte stukjes over een onderwerp dat toegankelijk, vlot en helder geschreven is. Iets wat je vooral niet wilt is op het moment van verdriet, is een zwaar verhaal lezen. Maar geen nood, dat is dit dus absoluut niet. Het boek is ingedeeld in 3 delen;
Deel 1: Verdriet: de basisbeginselen
Deel 2: Het brede spectrum van verdriet
Deel 3: Omgaan met verdriet
Ik, als lijstjes en controlefreak, kan dan ook mijn geluk niet op met dit boek. Dit boek bevat heel veel lijstjes, beknopte opsommingen en t do's. Het verhaal is een combinatie van psychologie, kennis, tips, tricks, oefeningen, echt van alles wat rondom het thema verdriet en hoe je er mee om kan gaan. Hierdoor is het een enorm leuk en mooi boek geworden.
Dit mooie, heldere en gestructureerde boek weet je zeker houvast en steun te geven in tijden van verdriet. Door middel van interessante weetjes, maar ook de grote hoeveelheid tips en tricks gecombineerd met de prachtige vormgeving weet het boek je zeker mooie inzichten, troost en steun te geven in moeilijke tijden. Ik weet zeker dat ik het nog vaak uit de kast zal halen voor troost en houvast.
August 7, 2023
Discovered the What's Your Grief website (and podcast) first and that was a great resource, where it helped to "name" and understand common things in grief. As someone who is pretty analytical, I liked understanding different theories and scientific ideas about grief.
I later purchased the book, which maybe I didn't need after using the website earlier on. But the book is laid out great and has nice bite size chapters, similar to a website article. Having lost my only sibling (31 yo brother), I felt very alone in my grief, as my parents had each other and even admitted out loud, after more than a year, that they forgot I was grieving, too. The book gave me a couple "aha" moments when I felt it described how I process and show grief, vs how I realize my parents handle it, even though we were all processing the same loss. The book was worth it for that. It helped me feel significantly less angry about how my parents and I coped very separately.
I did start and stop this book a lot, because it's not a book you want to be reading. But it's great. Highly recommend the website / Facebook / podcast and grabbing the book.
I later purchased the book, which maybe I didn't need after using the website earlier on. But the book is laid out great and has nice bite size chapters, similar to a website article. Having lost my only sibling (31 yo brother), I felt very alone in my grief, as my parents had each other and even admitted out loud, after more than a year, that they forgot I was grieving, too. The book gave me a couple "aha" moments when I felt it described how I process and show grief, vs how I realize my parents handle it, even though we were all processing the same loss. The book was worth it for that. It helped me feel significantly less angry about how my parents and I coped very separately.
I did start and stop this book a lot, because it's not a book you want to be reading. But it's great. Highly recommend the website / Facebook / podcast and grabbing the book.
November 19, 2022
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
4.5 rounded up to 5 stars
Spoilers ahead. I will not reveal anything big - most of the review vaguely alludes to plot, structure, and characters.
---
As someone who recently suffered a very traumatic life change, this book could not have come at a better time for me. I was drawn in by the colorful cover and was so excited to see that it carried over into the contents as well. The sections were well divided and the use of colors to delineate them was genius. I was a bit wary of the idea of lists at first - because I'm someone who leans into "should" thinking - but it made the tough subject matter easily digestible and kept the books from being dense.
---
Again, thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
4.5 rounded up to 5 stars
Spoilers ahead. I will not reveal anything big - most of the review vaguely alludes to plot, structure, and characters.
---
As someone who recently suffered a very traumatic life change, this book could not have come at a better time for me. I was drawn in by the colorful cover and was so excited to see that it carried over into the contents as well. The sections were well divided and the use of colors to delineate them was genius. I was a bit wary of the idea of lists at first - because I'm someone who leans into "should" thinking - but it made the tough subject matter easily digestible and kept the books from being dense.
---
Again, thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
January 22, 2023
In the span of eight months my dog whom I loved so much passed away, a good friend passed away from a life long battle with her health and then my mom passed away. Since then I have read so many books on grief..trying to read words on a page that would heal my aching heart. None of those books remotely helped. But this one was a god-send. It takes you to every angle possible of grief & makes you understand what never made sense. It even spoke of grief through the eyes of a child and made me understand something I experienced 37 years ago. So if you can only sum up the energy to read one book about grief, let it be this one.
March 11, 2023
So helpful and comforting as I struggle with a friend's death. Not that I didn't cry while reading this!
March 12, 2023
The list format makes this an easy resource for anyone needing guidance in a time of grief.
(DNF - pg. 51)
(DNF - pg. 51)
April 15, 2023
An interesting overview of grief with some basic strategies.
July 28, 2023
A practical and wonderful resource for those who are hurting.
February 16, 2023
Eleanor Haley en Lissa Williams zijn beide werkzaam in de psychische gezondheidszorg en zijn de oprichters van het platform ‘What’s your grief?’.
Samen ondersteunen zij mensen in de praktijk bij het omgaan met de uiteenlopendste vormen van verlies en verandering.
In hun boek nemen ze de lezer aan de hand mee naar de praktijk en geven ze ons uitleg over wat o.a. verlies nu eigenlijk is.
Het boek bestaat uit een korte introductie en daarnaast drie delen.
In de introductie vertellen de dames wie zij zijn, geven ze achtergrond informatie over het boek en geven ze antwoord op een aantal veel gestelde vragen.
In het boek wordt gewerkt met lijstjes. Niet omdat het verwerken van verlies en verdriet in lijstjes is te vangen, maar omdat lijstjes houvast geven doordat ze overzichtelijker zijn.
Naast de fijne introductie waardoor je je meteen begrepen voelt als iemand die verlies ervaart, geven ze ook een korte inleiding over hoe dit boek te gebruiken.
We vinden namelijk drie delen in het boek. In het eerste deel geven ze ons belangrijke informatie over het begrip verdriet, in het tweede deel gaan ze dieper in op de verschillende varianten en ervaringen en in het laatste deel, deel drie, vinden we concepten en ideeën over hoe we met verdriet zouden kunnen omgaan.
Op de eerste plaats werd ik persoonlijk gelukkig van de gestructureerde indeling. Daarnaast wordt er een heldere uitleg gegeven zonder langdradig te zijn en het allerbelangrijkste is nog wel, dat ik direct erkenning voelde voor mijn persoonlijke verlies en verdriet.
En met het geven van dat gevoel heeft dit boek direct je aandacht en de essentie te pakken als je het mij vraagt.
Dat het boek veelal uit lijstjes bestaat, geeft de lezer letterlijk een houvast bij het lezen van dit boek. Het lijkt namelijk een dikke pil, maar er is zeker op een deskundige manier nagedacht over de vormgeving.
Naast de informatie, de beschreven ervaringen en de tips en tricks, vind je hier en daar ook een soort van kleine opdrachtjes tussen de regels door.
Bijvoorbeeld het maken van lijstjes voor jezelf.
Want als je wilt dat anderen je verlies/verdriet erkennen, zul je dat uiteraard ook zelf eerst moeten doen.
Het belangrijkste wat ik van dit boek geleerd heb, is dat ‘het’ er mag zijn. Ik mag er zijn. Mijn verdriet mag er zijn, mijn emoties mogen er zijn. Jij mag er zijn.
Conclusie
Als we het hebben over het verbreken van taboes, is niets zo fijn als een boek waarin je jezelf volledig herkent.
Wanneer je jezelf herkent in een boek, betekent dat dat er iemand is die je ook daadwerkelijk erkent. En dat betekent weer dat je absoluut niet alleen op de wereld bent met deze gevoelens en ervaringen.
En het daarover hebben, het bespreekbaar maken, is taboe doorbrekend.
‘Groot verlies, klein verlies’ is een boek vol praktische informatie die woorden geeft aan alle soorten van verlies, verdriet, rouw.
En de belangrijkste boodschap daarbij is nog wel, dat het ene verlies niet erger of minder erg is dan het andere.
Zo ervaar ik persoonlijk verlies van een dierbare, maar tevens verlies van mijn gezondheid en daardoor het verlies van vertrouwen in mijn eigen lichaam. Verschillende soorten verlies, maar qua emoties en gevoelens, even intens.
Voor allen maak ik ook een eigen rouwproces door. Want het verlies van mijn gezondheid heeft grote gevolgen gehad voor de toekomst. En dat betekent het verlies van een toekomstbeeld welke ik nu anders zal moeten invullen.
Het feit dat ik mijn eigen verliezen erken, dat ik er mede dankzij dit boek over na ben gaan denken en het belangrijk ben gaan vinden, maakt dat ik stappen zet in mijn herstel.
Dit is zeker een boek dat ik aan een ieder aanraadt. Of je er nu zelf behoefte aan hebt of niet. Het biedt zulke mooie en fijne inzichten en dit maakt dit boek wat mij betreft belangrijk.
Als je het zelf moeilijk vindt om je verdriet/verlies bespreekbaar te maken, kun je dit boek mogelijk zelfs gebruiken als een opening voor een gesprek.
Dit boek biedt absoluut herkenning, geeft erkenning, maar zeker ook houvast.
Wat mij betreft is het ook zeker een boek dat aan de boekenlijst van Social Work studenten mag worden toegevoegd.
Een boek om te lezen, troost en tips uit te halen, maar om er zeker ook weer bij te pakken als je het nodig hebt.
Samen ondersteunen zij mensen in de praktijk bij het omgaan met de uiteenlopendste vormen van verlies en verandering.
In hun boek nemen ze de lezer aan de hand mee naar de praktijk en geven ze ons uitleg over wat o.a. verlies nu eigenlijk is.
Het boek bestaat uit een korte introductie en daarnaast drie delen.
In de introductie vertellen de dames wie zij zijn, geven ze achtergrond informatie over het boek en geven ze antwoord op een aantal veel gestelde vragen.
In het boek wordt gewerkt met lijstjes. Niet omdat het verwerken van verlies en verdriet in lijstjes is te vangen, maar omdat lijstjes houvast geven doordat ze overzichtelijker zijn.
Naast de fijne introductie waardoor je je meteen begrepen voelt als iemand die verlies ervaart, geven ze ook een korte inleiding over hoe dit boek te gebruiken.
We vinden namelijk drie delen in het boek. In het eerste deel geven ze ons belangrijke informatie over het begrip verdriet, in het tweede deel gaan ze dieper in op de verschillende varianten en ervaringen en in het laatste deel, deel drie, vinden we concepten en ideeën over hoe we met verdriet zouden kunnen omgaan.
Op de eerste plaats werd ik persoonlijk gelukkig van de gestructureerde indeling. Daarnaast wordt er een heldere uitleg gegeven zonder langdradig te zijn en het allerbelangrijkste is nog wel, dat ik direct erkenning voelde voor mijn persoonlijke verlies en verdriet.
En met het geven van dat gevoel heeft dit boek direct je aandacht en de essentie te pakken als je het mij vraagt.
Dat het boek veelal uit lijstjes bestaat, geeft de lezer letterlijk een houvast bij het lezen van dit boek. Het lijkt namelijk een dikke pil, maar er is zeker op een deskundige manier nagedacht over de vormgeving.
Naast de informatie, de beschreven ervaringen en de tips en tricks, vind je hier en daar ook een soort van kleine opdrachtjes tussen de regels door.
Bijvoorbeeld het maken van lijstjes voor jezelf.
Want als je wilt dat anderen je verlies/verdriet erkennen, zul je dat uiteraard ook zelf eerst moeten doen.
Het belangrijkste wat ik van dit boek geleerd heb, is dat ‘het’ er mag zijn. Ik mag er zijn. Mijn verdriet mag er zijn, mijn emoties mogen er zijn. Jij mag er zijn.
Conclusie
Als we het hebben over het verbreken van taboes, is niets zo fijn als een boek waarin je jezelf volledig herkent.
Wanneer je jezelf herkent in een boek, betekent dat dat er iemand is die je ook daadwerkelijk erkent. En dat betekent weer dat je absoluut niet alleen op de wereld bent met deze gevoelens en ervaringen.
En het daarover hebben, het bespreekbaar maken, is taboe doorbrekend.
‘Groot verlies, klein verlies’ is een boek vol praktische informatie die woorden geeft aan alle soorten van verlies, verdriet, rouw.
En de belangrijkste boodschap daarbij is nog wel, dat het ene verlies niet erger of minder erg is dan het andere.
Zo ervaar ik persoonlijk verlies van een dierbare, maar tevens verlies van mijn gezondheid en daardoor het verlies van vertrouwen in mijn eigen lichaam. Verschillende soorten verlies, maar qua emoties en gevoelens, even intens.
Voor allen maak ik ook een eigen rouwproces door. Want het verlies van mijn gezondheid heeft grote gevolgen gehad voor de toekomst. En dat betekent het verlies van een toekomstbeeld welke ik nu anders zal moeten invullen.
Het feit dat ik mijn eigen verliezen erken, dat ik er mede dankzij dit boek over na ben gaan denken en het belangrijk ben gaan vinden, maakt dat ik stappen zet in mijn herstel.
Dit is zeker een boek dat ik aan een ieder aanraadt. Of je er nu zelf behoefte aan hebt of niet. Het biedt zulke mooie en fijne inzichten en dit maakt dit boek wat mij betreft belangrijk.
Als je het zelf moeilijk vindt om je verdriet/verlies bespreekbaar te maken, kun je dit boek mogelijk zelfs gebruiken als een opening voor een gesprek.
Dit boek biedt absoluut herkenning, geeft erkenning, maar zeker ook houvast.
Wat mij betreft is het ook zeker een boek dat aan de boekenlijst van Social Work studenten mag worden toegevoegd.
Een boek om te lezen, troost en tips uit te halen, maar om er zeker ook weer bij te pakken als je het nodig hebt.
May 6, 2025
Content: There isn't any profanity I recall, and it does touch on suicide, both if you're struggling with thoughts of suicide, or if you're grief is due to a suicide. Loss of all sorts are discussed in this in a respectful, helpful way that I personally would put into any person's hands without reservations.
Who hasn't dealt with grief?
For a long time, I rather ashamedly felt my grief was pathetic because it had nothing to do with a death.
But it did have to do with the death of what I thought my life would be.
Another thing I didn't realize, is that you don't just magically 'get over' loss. It circles, hovers, hits you over and over again. Just when you think 'yup, I'm coping now' some incident takes your feet out from under you and stabs you in the chest.
I loved reading this book of lists. It's easy to read, the doses are small, but the information is priceless.
Not only does it cover a plethora of ways people grieve, things people grieve, and coping skills, as well as psychological studies, it has sections that are hands-on, asking you to make your own lists after giving you the information.
Reading this on the kindle was my only irritation with the book. The format wasn't designed for kindle, though they did their best. Using dark mode, it was killer to try and read the greyed areas after certain lists, and the lighter color font at the front of every list was not awesome either. I was longing for a physical copy of this book.
And I'm gonna get one! This is a reference book I know I'll look at over and over...because like I said earlier, grief is a vulture that likes to circle, and this is a treasure trove of advice and solace.
Honestly, if you're struggling with loss of any kind; divorce, chronic illness, death, a breakup, getting laid off, ANYTHING, this book can help.
Who hasn't dealt with grief?
For a long time, I rather ashamedly felt my grief was pathetic because it had nothing to do with a death.
But it did have to do with the death of what I thought my life would be.
Another thing I didn't realize, is that you don't just magically 'get over' loss. It circles, hovers, hits you over and over again. Just when you think 'yup, I'm coping now' some incident takes your feet out from under you and stabs you in the chest.
I loved reading this book of lists. It's easy to read, the doses are small, but the information is priceless.
Not only does it cover a plethora of ways people grieve, things people grieve, and coping skills, as well as psychological studies, it has sections that are hands-on, asking you to make your own lists after giving you the information.
Reading this on the kindle was my only irritation with the book. The format wasn't designed for kindle, though they did their best. Using dark mode, it was killer to try and read the greyed areas after certain lists, and the lighter color font at the front of every list was not awesome either. I was longing for a physical copy of this book.
And I'm gonna get one! This is a reference book I know I'll look at over and over...because like I said earlier, grief is a vulture that likes to circle, and this is a treasure trove of advice and solace.
Honestly, if you're struggling with loss of any kind; divorce, chronic illness, death, a breakup, getting laid off, ANYTHING, this book can help.
August 24, 2024
It’s been a long time since i started this book. I put it down for a long time, picked it up, read it for awhile then put it down again for months. It’s a good book, practical, not boring, helps you when you can’t focus too long because of your grief. I’m not consumed by my grief anymore but i recommend everyone who is struggling to get up in the morning and have a normal life, life before your loss..
September 24, 2024
A great book if you want to learn more about grief, including the coping mechanism. It's easy to digest because it's written in a list format, all kinds of lists related to grief. It's also good to be reread if we are in a particular stage of grief and need help in a specific issue. The downside is because it's in the list format, it feels a bit disjointed in places and even though I read it in order, it doesn't really feel continuous.
December 20, 2023
I wanted this to be the last book for my 2023 challenge because it encapsulates so much of the feelings of the last 10 months. Grief, about death and change and hard unexpected things, is so rarely discussed and even less understood.
Whether it's a death or another kind of loss, this book covers it all and gently nudges you along while never judging your grief.
Whether it's a death or another kind of loss, this book covers it all and gently nudges you along while never judging your grief.
May 12, 2024
One of the best books I’ve read on grief and loss. It has such helpful, easy-to-digest small chapters (each one a list, but with introduction and explanation for each point, so it’s more meaty than just lists). The book is really helpful to understand grief and losses, and not just death-related losses. I will refer back to this one often.
April 27, 2024
A excellent primer to the grief experience. Williams and Haley are concise and compassionate in their guidance. This book is accessible no matter what phase of grief you find yourself in. This would be a great tool for therapists to use to provide psychoeducation and practices for their clients.
July 10, 2025
As someone who is navigating a complex loss and not knowing how I am feeling or how to describe it I found this book very helpful. The list format made it easy to do in small doses or get through alot quickly. The little activities were helpful in figuring out tough emotions.
December 9, 2025
I hope you never need this book.
However, here we are, and while we’re here, this is THE book. The list format is approachable and digestible. The language is supportive but direct in all the right ways. This has become my handheld comfort, guide, and gentle push.
If you’re on the fence, buy it.
However, here we are, and while we’re here, this is THE book. The list format is approachable and digestible. The language is supportive but direct in all the right ways. This has become my handheld comfort, guide, and gentle push.
If you’re on the fence, buy it.
October 7, 2022
Good, sensible advice given in an interesting, and easy-to-digest format
November 7, 2022
Literally just what the title promises. Might be helpful in the right hands.
March 27, 2023
Highly recommend! Will be purchasing to reference in the future.
April 18, 2024
Great content, covering a wide range of topics. The format of this book is broken into bite-sized chunks that are appropriate for the grieving brain.
February 13, 2025
3 for me.
5 if was recommending to clients.
5 if was recommending to clients.
March 10, 2025
4.5 🌟
Wow. I just felt seen.
Wow. I just felt seen.
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