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514 pages, Paperback
Published September 25, 2021
Suanne Laqueur is a born story teller. She can write whatever she wants to write, and I'll read it.
IThere's something about her books that make it impossible to put down, they pull you in, and no matter the amount of pages, or the time of day: YOU JUST NEED TO KNOW!
She's this exceptional, unique and brilliant author and I really believe every reader should have at least one of her books on their (fictional) bookshelf.
So, I needed a few days to gather my thoughts together about this mind-blowing story, trying to at least make some sense when writing my review.
When I finished this book, and analyzed my feelings, the heartbreak, the journey I took with Kennet Fiskare, everything about him felt real - like it never was a fictional story. It was as if he, in his old age, had come to the author, told her his story and asked her to be the ghost writer of his memoir. As if he could have come to her door on a Sunday afternoon, sat down next to her, patted her hand after she made him his strong tea, and started telling her about his family and his life. The life he knew before the war, and the one after it had changed him into someone different. Someone he hardly recognized as himself. He didn't hold back and told her everything he remembered. How he felt, how he dealt with the trauma's of what he had seen, losing his combat brothers, the horrors and traumatic experience when he reached Mauthausen. His love for Astrid, the love for his family - his father and his brothers, his sisters, his uncle. It's all part of this book, every memory as significant as the other.
When we open the book, we meet the Fiskares. At first I was a bit confused by all the names and the monikers, but that didn't last long. (there's a family tree included in the book). And I simply fell in love with all of them. I knew this book wasn't going to be a simple love story just between Kennet and Astrid (the girl he already fell in love with before he even met her in real life), but I then realized it was also a love story about Kennet and his Swedish family, the Fiskares. When he does meet Astrid, the feelings are immediately there. But Kennet is a gentleman. He takes his time to court her, to tell her about his feelings. And they are mutual. There is just something between them, something destined to be.
Then Astrid has to leave, and the loss of the love of his life leaves Kennet devastated, regretting the fact that he let her go, that he didn't do everything he could to keep her.
And then the war in Europe calls and he leaves all his loved ones behind, believing the war won't effect him the way it did his Paps and uncle Nyck.
"You're not built for war. I don't say that as an insult. I know you're a fine soldier and you'll do what's expected of you. I mean your soul isn't made to process war. Nalle has his principles to sustain him. Minor will get by on sheer personality. But you...You were always the one who liked to sort and label and name everything. This was this. That followed this. If this, then that. You like rules to define the edges of your life. You like people to behave within those rules. And war blows all those things to shit. Absolute shit. You'll see people doing abhorrent, unspeakable things. You'll find yourself doing things that go against every rule, every standard, every ethic you ever held. War rubs against the very grain of who you are, and some just can't..."
So off to war he goes. The changes in Kennet are evident when he writes his fictive letters to Astrid in his notebook. He starts out politely explaining her what he is doing, what is happening in his life. He was this gentleman who hardly dared to kiss her when they were home, before she went away, before he went to war. But after the things he's seen and been through, Kennet knows that man does no longer exist.
So badly, Asta, I want you so badly. I think I might be going crazy with it. The desire waxes and wanes between lofty and obscene. One moment I'm staring at you all moon-eyed, quoting romantic poetry. The next moment I'm on my knees at your feet, unhooking your garters and begging to fuck you. Is that shocking? It shocks me. Look at how my handwriting jostles around the word 'fuck'. I winced writing it, but now it's settling on my eyes and the sound of it is getting comfortable in my brain. It's disengaging from the sordid and crass, and slowly turning divine. Intense. Even beautiful. I want to be your lover again and feel that sweet understanding between us when I'm fucking you into beautiful pieces...
To me, this entry in his journal marks the first changes in Kennet. It was a brilliant way to show us how Kennet changed from this polite, well mannered gentleman into the soldier who has seen too much, who has done too many things that he never thought he'd do.
The character development in this story is just outstanding, as well as the research the author did. Her attention to detail transported me back in time, planted me right there in the middle of that war, on that battle scene, right there at the moments that made Kennet believe he lost his sanity. The vividly description of the ugliness of the war, it made me ache, it made me cry, shiver, wanting to look away from the horrors we see through Kennet's eyes. I even thought I smelled what he did when he entered Mauthausen concentration camp. It was horrible, this ugliness and the de-humanizing, brutal results of this war. I can't remember ever having read a book that grabbed me by my throat like this book did, like Kennet's story did. The love for his brothers in combat was as beautiful as it was painful, knowing how much he was going to get hurt, knowing he would lose most of them. Their morbid banter and humor was almost just as painful.
"Goddammit, where's my helmet?" Hook said.
"You just had it."
"I must've thrown it out."
"Stay down."
"I'm just gonna look for it quick. I can't sit out here bare-headed, darling. You know how easily I catch cold."
"Well, don't lose your fucking head. I already looked at one shot-up face today and you know how it upsets me, sweetheart."
Maybe we can just joke and curse this whole goddamn war away...
When Kennet returns home, he has changed so much, he is not even sure he deserves to find happiness again. The ugliness that has found a home in his soul won’t ever pass. When there’s a second chance with Astrid, he just doesn’t know if he could ever be worthy of her love ever again.
I finished reading this book and I still can't stop thinking about it. It's such an epic, gripping, engaging, heartfelt family tragedy that I just can not seem to shake all the feelings that were stirred inside of me when reading. That's what this book did to me, what Suanne Laqueur's writing does to me ALL THE TIME!
So, I guess all that's left for me to say is: GO READ THIS BOOK.
That's all
I kindly received an ARC through Netgalley and the Publisher. This is my honest, voluntary review.
Young Kennet Fiskare, eldest son of a Swedish-origin hotel owner, is having one of his best summers in 1941. He has fallen deeply in love with their housekeeper’s visiting cousin Astrid, and almost everything seems to be going well. However, the relationship is forcibly cut short by Astrid’s familial obligations and Kennet is left to mend his broken heart with the support of his big, loving family.
When America enters WWII, Kennet finds the rigidities of military life helping his forget his pain, but not Astrid. What helps tremendously is the unbelievable bond between the soldiers, the likes of which he had never found anywhere outside of his family. It is these friendships and joint experiences (of both joy and shock) that sustains him till the end of the war. What kind of life now awaits Kennet, now a battle-worn and heartbroken soldier with just his family to look forward to?






