My Father's Scar

by Michael Cart

Eighteen year-old Andy Logan has finally made it to his first year of college, but not without some struggle. As he tries to settle in this new environment, he cannot help but recall the events and experiences that have led him there.

It is in these recollections that we meet a vast array of people--those who had either helped Andy along the way or had threatened his hope to escape. These are the stories of his hope to escape. These are the stories of his great-uncle, the one person who seemed to understand him; his father, who domineering presence and unwavering anger were the rules, not the exceptions; and Evan, an older boy who became his first true love.

Rarely does a writer capture the essence of the journey from a child to adult so acutely. Cart's dazzling novel is a potent reminder of the pain and the euphoria that come from growing up and how we remember our family, friends, and first loves.

Genres: Gay, LGBT, Queer, Young Adult, Banned Books, Fiction, Romance

192 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 1996

About the author

Former Director of the Beverly Hills (CA) Public Library and a Past President of the Young Adult Library Services Association, Michael Cart is a nationally recognized expert in children's and young adult literature. Now a columnist and reviewer for ALA's Booklist magazine, he is the author or editor of eight books, including From Romance to Realism, a critical history of YA literature; MY FATHER'S SCAR, a young adult novel that was an ALA Best Book for Young Adults, and the anthology LOVE AND SEX: Ten Stories of Truth, also a Best Book for Young Adults and a Quick Pick for Reluctant Young Adult Readers.

Michael teaches young adult literature at UCLA and is the recipient of the 2000 Grolier Foundation Award. He lives in northern California.

Reviews

[Rayan :) · Rating 2 out of 5]

I forgot this book was in my TBR until I checked it a day ago- I had added it to my list about a year ago when I was bored and decided it seemed interesting enough to try. I started it yesterday because I’d been in a reading slump and wanted something short and interesting to help me get out of it, but this was worse than I thought in some ways. First with what I did like, I liked Evan, and that’s pretty much it. Perhaps not because of his characterization but because he reminded me of David from Kate Walker’s ‘Peter’, which was similarly about a young boy who falls for another boy slightly older than himself who is openly gay, and discovers themself with the help of their kind and open-hearted friend/crush. I enjoyed ‘Peter’ more because of that.

I liked the chapters that delved into Andy’s life as a young teen, because they had more substance than the chapters on his college-aged current self, I think. Uncle Charles and Evan were truly the only redeeming characters in the story, and even then, Charles impact on Andy didn’t seem incredibly clear, and the lack of reference to any effect he could’ve had on Andy in the later chapters kind of made his grand presence earlier in the story feel almost… pointless? I didn’t like Mr. Stevenson at all, which really ruined the older Andy’s chapters for me, and his pestering of Andy was incredibly immature and annoying to read. I was disappointed when Andy got with him in the end, and I couldn’t help but feel annoyed when the Andy in the younger chapters similarly got with Billy, who was not at all redeemed from the bullying and agony he’d put Andy through in middle school. The ending was rushed; I felt that nothing important was resolved, and Andy coming out to his father was hardly momentous because of the lack of build up and character growth that could’ve contributed to that moment.

The amount of run-on sentences in the book were astonishing as well, so you should not be surprised to hear that it overall disappointed me, but that’s alright.

[Kyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I read the description of this book before I got it I thought it was a book about a boy coming to terms about the abuse suffered by his father. It is about that but it is also a beautiful coming of age story about a boy accepting his sexuality in the 60s-70s.

I think this is a very important and sweet story. The characters feel relatable even though a lot of them are one-dimensional representations of bigotry. The love stories scattered through the pages are sweet and I enjoyed those the most.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a BEAUTIFUL coming of age story, and a reflective piece of a man dealing with his sexuality. SO moving!

[Idit Bourla · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOWOWOWOWOWOW beautiful TOO DAMN SHORT
A beautiful story about fat little kid named Andy growing up becoming handsome and extremely clever surounding himself with books, telling the memories of his childhood with his smartass gay uncle and Evan as first love and Billy as a second love and his father as the greatest hell maker in his life, dealing with so many hard themes while making me laugh out loud regarding Andy's sharp dark humor. Beautiful and addictive and I want MORE

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd been looking into this book for quite some time and was finally able to get my hands on it, especially since this was one that my library hadn't had. I'm very happy that this was one that I was interested in, and finished it within less than 24 hours.

Firstly, I really like the way that this book was written, and the way that the characters were described had really given me an image on their attitude and what they're body movements would be like, while at the same time there wasn't so much over-detail that it was boring, like I've experienced in other books. Characters like Christopher Hawthorne, especially near the end at Thanksgiving, I could picture perfectly in my head, even down to smaller characters like Melissa, chatty and rather bothersome. For character I enjoyed the most, probably Uncle Charles; he seemed like a really wonderful oddly misunderstood person.

Something that I also really liked but was rather unexpected but at the same time almost cliche was Billy's sudden change and attraction to Andy and forming a relationship. It was a mix of those two things, but at the same time, it really, really worked.

I feel the same way for the very quick and sudden ending; although I could see it coming, the way Stevenson finally confessed his feelings to Andy on the track also really clicked, and I feel like it was a really perfect ending. Normally when I'd see the kind of connection like that happen so fast in a book, it wouldn't seem real, but I feel like this is something that I could actually picture happening, and the way Andy had described his feelings of finally feeling loved seemed to go hand in hand with that.

All in all, this was a really, really good one, and I'm glad I kept looking for it at all the bookstores I went to (even though I had to end up ordering it online). If this book has your interest and you find a copy, I'd definitely recommend it.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book about moments that define a person during all parts of an individual journey. In this case, the story focused on a freshman in college who reflected on the events and people who have left an impact on him. Moments spent with his uncle who taught him the value of literature. Moments with his father who relied on alcohol and fighting to get most of his points across to his son. Moments with people he had feelings for and yet felt confused about what kind of person that made him. Moments where he was scared to step in because he was afraid to reveal that part of himself. Moments where he made mistakes, which remind us all that perfection is not an ideal in anyone's life. Moments where he discovered love. Through his eyes, the reader is guided through one person's journey amongst the chaos of life. I would give this book 2 1/2 stars for almost becoming close to a satisfying story. Some parts felt dragged out and I wasn't motivated to continue the story. Yet I felt compelled to finish the journey with him as he navigated through confusion, self-doubt and love during important moments. Moments that shape our character throughout various stages of figuring out the real person inside.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Get up," they both command. But I don't. I can't. I'm drunk now, too, with fear and shame at what I have done so I crawl away instead. Out of Billy's range. Crawl to my father. Do I think he will protect me? Comfort me? Tell me it is all right? Call me son or my boy? My drunk, furious, frustrated, failed-by-his-fat-son-who-can't-show-anybody-anything father? I struggle shakily to my feet. And he kicks me. Right in the butt, as if I'm not a human being but a football.
"Coward." It's the old man, not Billy, who says it this time. I look up at him, astonished at the reality of what he had done. My father has kicked me. Not as if I'm a football but as if I'm a stray dog, a mutt, a homeless mongrel."

Andy is a college freshman, now, remembering the events of his life as a lonely boy who could never please his father. He discusses his relationship with his Uncle Charles, also a loner, who "loved books more than he loved people." He also remembers his relationship with Evan (Guardian Angel Man) as they work on the Easter pageant together. But when Evan announces that he's a homosexual, his fortunes drastically change and Andy, for the first time, realizes that he might be, too.

[Sarah Mae · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gr. 7-up. As Andy Logan struggles through his first year of college, he remembers events from his childhood. From his abusive father to his first love, Andy's memories take the reader on a journey through the mind of an outsider trying to find his place in the world. The flashbacks deal with hard issues about growing up that every teen can relate to and illustrate that Andy has more strength than he knows. Even when he realizes that "[he:] can't fly…yet," he picks himself up and keeps on trying. By interspersing Andy's recollections with his struggles in college, Mr. Cart fills in the pieces that make Andy's life a compelling story. Mr. Cart's first young adult novel leaves the reader wanting more. This novel is good choice for teens that are struggling with their identities.

[sweet pea · Rating 2 out of 5]

this novel is a good read. it's not, however, great. the character of Andy is believable, as is his personal journey. most of the other characters seem way too contrived: an eccentric queer great-uncle, two beautiful queer jocks in school, a telegenic young professor. OK. his journey from an alcoholic father, harsh grandmother, damning preacher, bashed crush, to acceptance is interesting. but, at the same time, it's more interesting as an historical novel. i can't imagine recommending this to a young queer today. i'm glad i read it. but i won't be reading it again.

[Taylor Carbin]

This book was absolutely fantastic. It showed a boy's growth from an abused, reclusive child to an adult that finally found a home in himself. After separating himself from the rest of the world and making the mistake of trying to find his own happiness in the happiness of others, Andy realizes that being alone, truly alone, is the worst thing for a person to be and so he chooses to let go and be happy.

[Joshua · Rating 4 out of 5]

WOW! I absolutely loved this story. It was difficult to read, not because of the story construction, but because of the tale. It's rather depressing, but it's still such a good story. I appreciate how the author has constructed the story to make the ending, though brief, a wonderful closing chapter.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the book, especially Andy's voice. I can empathize with what he went through and even felt myself in his shoes a couple of times. I knew he would end up with Sascha, but had to enjoy the backstory to figure out why.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book which reads as if a memoir. It is smart, sweet, and above all, a wonderful story.

[Pat Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good. Bittersweet to the very end.