Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say and Do

by Stacey Freedenthal, David A. Jobes (Foreword)

For help in dealing with a suicidal crisis right now, please call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you love someone who has suicidal thoughts, you may struggle with profound fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. You desperately want to help, but you’re unsure of where to start. This book can guide you as you support your loved one—without sacrificing your own needs and well-being. You’ll find the answers to some of your most urgent questions,   Written by a psychotherapist with decades of clinical experience in suicidology, this compassionate guide offers essential communication techniques you can use to help your loved one, as well as strategies for navigating your own stress, worry, fear, and anxiety. Drawn from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and mindful self-compassion, the tools in this book will help you recognize warning signs, improve communication, create a safety plan, know when to seek professional help, and support a loved one in crisis.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Self Help

219 pages, Paperback

First published January 2, 2023

About the author

PhD LCSW

Reviews

[Lisa J Shultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a thorough guide for anyone who has a relationship with someone with suicidal thoughts. Biggest take-away is to "listen bravely". I went to a talk at a local bookstore by the author, and that is the way she signed the book I bought. It fits.
The parts of the book that I found particularly helpful was a review of cognitive distortions and creating coping statements. I also appreciated that the book concluded on a hopeful note with a chapter entitled Fostering Hope.
The author has another book intended to guide professionals, "Helping the Suicidal Person: Tips and Techniques for Professionals", and she mentioned in the talk attended that she intends to write another book for the person experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Excellent resource for this subject matter.

[Einzige · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good little primer on effective and listening and communicating concerns in a compassionate and caring way. Likewise although understandably superficial it fortunately deals with the process in a more holistic sense. However it largely, avoids dealing with more complex and difficult situations such as those seeking euthanasia due to terminal illness or who consciously use it as method of manipulation.

Finally it illustrates its techniques with hypothetical conversations which are extremely optimistic when it comes to describing responses.

[Anastasia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, the greatest book I've translated yet! I think everyone should read this, whether you have loved ones with suicidal thoughts or not. It's very educational, easy to understand and it expands your view. Amazing.

[Courtney Fraser · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book so much. I wish my family had a book like this late last year. I was in the hospital for mental health from September 9- September 12 then transferred to the medical part of the hospital due to two breakthrough seizures. Then I was transferred back to the mental health unit where I was from September 16- September 20. When I got back they all asked me what got me there not realizing I did not want to talk about it yet. In fact, my brother who lives in Oregon had a 45-minute conversation with me regarding it. I tried to avoid answering his questions and kept changing the subject to him and his family. I wish they knew to give me time first if I needed it.

[anklecemetery · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm starting to wonder if my unofficial new year's resolution is to read about suicide. Looking back, I seem to have at least one book on the topic in my read list in January.

Freedenthal's book is compassionate, practical, and straightforward. It offers support and guidance for people who love someone with suicidal thoughts, and it's also helpful for those who struggle with suicidal thoughts and worry about seeking help.

[Kimberly Barnes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loving someone with suicidal thoughts is a valuable read for anyone dealing with this issue. After the pandemic, more than ever, there are so many individuals struggling with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. It is imperative to have a guidebook for the families of those loved ones. Tools provided in this book will assist loved ones with guidance on what to say to someone considering suicide and after an attempt, options for available treatment, and how to deal with your own thoughts and feelings when dealing with a family member or friend with suicidal thinking. This is a valuable guide for all families dealing with this serious issue. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the advance review copy in exchange for my honest review.

[L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly educational

[Shannon Parkin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an extraordinarily valuable resource for the millions who have loved ones with suicidal thoughts. Dr. Freedenthal is a beautiful writer who conveys practical advice which is a gift to anyone seeking to offer hope to those with suicidal thoughts. Dr. Freedenthal’s experience as an attempt survivor, a concerned parent, a clinician, a journalist and an associate professor who teaches suicide prevention, adds depth and insight to her writing. As a suicide attempt survivor, I wish a copy of Loving someone with suicidal thoughts could be given to the family of each person who has attempted suicide. Thank you Dr. Freedenthal for this tremendous gift to the entire suicide prevention community. Shannon Heath Parkin - recipient of the Transforming Lived Experience award from the American Association of Suicidology 2022 and NAMI In Our Own Voice speaker and Connection Recovery support group facilitator.

[Willa Goodfellow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t realize how terrified my wife had been when I was at my most suicidal. This is the book I wish she could have read at the time. Freedenthal draws on her experience from all angles of the issue, suicidal herself, concerned parent, therapist, professor, and expert in suicidology. She offers compassionate truth-telling, reassurance, information, and strategies to navigate this treacherous territory. From “asking the question” to hope for recovery, Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts is a valuable resource for any family member, friend, or caretaker.

[Susan Jerrott · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a well written, science-based book aimed at helping family and friends of someone with suicidal thoughts. To my knowledge, no other book has been written with this aim.

Loved ones often speak of being paralyzed by fear, helpless, confused about how to be helpful in this situation. Others can feel manipulated at times. This book clearly focusses on what someone can do in this situation to be helpful - how do you ask someone if they are feeling suicidal? What do you do if someone tells you they want to die by suicide? How do you cope with your own stress when you have someone in your life who is feeling suicidal? What if you feel manipulated?

The book is easy to read, with many "how to" examples. It gives practical advice re: being compassionate while setting boundaries and provides a guide about what someone can say in many different and difficult situations with a suicidal loved one. I will be recommending this in my practice, and it is a must read for anyone who is feeling alone in coping with a loved one with suicidal thoughts.

Please note: I was provided this copy for free, due to my work in the area of suicide.

[An · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so insightful and kind and personal that when Dr. Freedenthal addresses “you” I feel as if she is sitting in my living room, holding my hand, and breathing with me. I’ve learned from her how to listen, what to do, and most importantly, what not to say.
Every aspect of suicide brings terror, but with this treasure of a book, filled with practical how-to steps, I can envision a silver ray somewhere in the distance.
Thank you Dr. Freedenthal, you’ve given me and everyone in my family a LIFELINE.

[Arlene Stiffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must have for anyone in a situation with suicidal others. The advice is a remarkable distilling of evidence based research on suicide and therapy into simple language and helpful illustrations!

[Jenny Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is full of good information and really generous perspectives. I’ve lived with a person with suicidal thoughts—this book is a must read.

[Lore LongSoulSystem · Rating 4 out of 5]

Este es mucho mejor que el libro de Intervención en crisis en las conductas suicidas (Biblioteca de Psicología), incluso para profesionales.
Me hubiera gustado que fuera más largo, pero eso lo haría más pesado para el público general, que es su público objetivo. Pero en general ayuda mucho para combatir los mitos sobre el tema de suicidio incluyendo las emociones conflictivas de los familiares. Creo que la diferencia viene de que la autora tiene experiencia vivida (además de ser profesional).
Sí recomiendo para familiares, amigos y parejas.

[Robert Bogue]

The thought of someone you love dying is terrifying. The thought of them dying by suicide is even more so. Too many people suffer and consider suicide. Too many people who love them are tortured by their inability to stop the person they love from considering or attempting suicide. The heart of Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts is learning to live in these terrible circumstances.

Read more

[Sequoia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Succinct and applicable. It helps me reflect what's the obstacle that prevents me to reach out, and it got many tips of how to communicate with compassion and open-end questions.

Similarly (to another psychoanalysis book I read earlier), I don't really like the hypothetical communication examples -- I understand that it's to illustrate a point, but a lot of times they just sound fake and "too good to be true". I'd rather see more real examples, however imperfect they could be. Luckily the book does contain some real examples as well.

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely informative book. Definitely painted a much clearer picture for me on suicide and how it affects a person. Validated and acknowledged my feelings of being a loved one of a suicidal person. And gave me many new perspectives and tools. How suicide is a disease as any other and suicide stems further from something whether that be stress, chronic illness, mental illness etc. I’m grateful for this book—a great read. I learned much about suicide and myself.

[Kimberly Bizjak · Rating 5 out of 5]

So very helpful.

If you want to support a loved one with suicidal thoughts, buy this book. It’s amazing. I feel like it cut my anxiety in half, and gave me so much useful information. I kept asking myself “What do I do?!” and this book fully answered that question. (So much better than my therapist, I might add.)

[Ava Robbins · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compassionate and informative book that I'm happily shelving in my therapy book collection. I'd highly recommend this book to mental health professionals for a comprehensive view on how to best support those impacted by suicidality.

[Elaine Brandenburg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book for parents and loved ones of my patient’s who are suicidal. I found it clear, easy to read, and helpful in disbanding myths around suicide. I hope it will be a great resource in my office!

[Rae Simpson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Minuteman. Skimmed. Expensive to buy. Ok to recommend for family members.

[Katrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

great book

Dr. Freedenthal is truly wonderful and brings up so many good points in this book. A must-read for people who know someone living with suicidal ideation.

[alicebme · Rating 5 out of 5]

For continued reference.

[Colleen B · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Must To Read to Support Those You Love Who are Suffering

What an incredible book! So much helpful guidance, shedding light on how to support our loved ones when they are struggling in darknesses.

[Meera Chakkera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful ❤️❤️❤️ book
Super inspired