Make Me Sweat

by Sara Madderson

Clara:
Alex was my world when I was seventeen. I couldn’t function unless his skin was on mine. I couldn’t breathe unless he was inside me.
Until they took him away, and I didn’t see him again for twenty-one years.
I mourned. I raged. I nearly drowned in my grief.
Now, when our paths cross for work, he's famous: a celebrity personal trainer with a global following.
And I’m married. With twins.
He’s not mine anymore. He’s public property.
But my feelings for him are as intoxicating as ever. And I can’t stay away.

Alex:
I took a human life when I was high behind the wheel of a stolen car.
I was only inside for two years, but the guilt is a life sentence. It’s a burden I carry every day.
When I lost Clara, I lost everything. Exercise saved me. Gave me back my sanity.
The trappings of my life today may look impressive, but inside I’m broken. Ravaged. Empty.
Until I find Clara again.
My guardian angel.
The only woman who’s ever seen the real me and loved what she saw.
Our past is the stuff of nightmares. Our future is a mystery. But one thing’s for sure.
I can’t mess up her life twice.
Tell me I’m right.

Please note this book contains cheating (Clara cheats on her husband with Alex), substance abuse, death by dangerous driving and incarceration. Make Me Sweat is a standalone book (with appearances by characters from my Sorrel Farm and Love in London series) with a HEA. It was previously published as When Then Becomes Now.

Reviews of the previous version of this book, which was published as When Then Becomes Now:

★★★★★ "Absolutely brilliant, this book grips you from the first page and holds you to the very last.” (Alexandra Lynett on Amazon)

★★★★★ "Yes this does have all the romance and steamy moments I’ve come to expect from this author but woven within this romance are deep issues about forgiveness, trust and taking chances.” (Jessica on Goodreads)

★★★★★ "Sara Madderson does a great job at exploring the psychological conflicts that the two main characters experience in this book.” (Elsa Razborsek on Amazon)

★★★★★ "I devoured this book in a matter of days (and as a slow reader that is an achievement). It has so much depth and I just fell in love with Clara.” (Jill L on Amazon)

★★★★★ "A story about never ending love, soulmates, ‘what ifs’ that will make you laugh, cry and reminisce.” (Bookshortie on Goodreads)
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Genres: Second Chance

275 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 20, 2022

About the author

I like to change things up! I spent my 20s as a banker and my 30s bringing up small children and running my own fashion brand (Madderson London).

Now, aged 43, I find myself writing, and I wonder why I didn’t do it sooner.

I’ve always loved writing. My daughter Tilly has an old notebook of mine filled with half-finished stories and accompanying drawings. I’ve read for as long as I can remember, guzzling up books so quickly that my mum always protested that I couldn’t be reading them properly. You can see my original, dog-eared version of A Little Princess in my photo. Its protagonist, Sara Crewe, is one of my all-time favourite heroines (alongside Anne Shirley, naturally).

I published my first book, Metamorphosis, in February 2020, right before lockdown happened. It’s a non-fiction book about escaping from our cocoons and living as a butterfly. As lockdown progressed, I found escapism in devouring lots of delicious chick-lit (for want of a better title) and I realised I had a few novels in me too. I have loved every single minute of writing them.

I’ve published my books independently, and I love the freedom it provides. The world of independent publishing is fascinating and so empowering—I’m delighted to share more of my experiences of self-publishing if you’re interested.

Reviews

[Katja · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quote: "Radical self-forgiveness is more like radical self-indulgence when there's one less being on this planet because of you."

So I have a lot of thoughts about this book but you can cut straight to the TL;DR in the end if I ramble too much.

In late nineties, Clara and Alex studied for their GCSEs and were inseparable outside school hours. His father wasn't around, and his mother worked late hours in a minimum wage job so Alex became like a part of the family for Clara and her parents who ran an Italian restaurant. Until That Day. She found about his drug use, they had a fight, and then something terrible happened. Alex ended in juvenile prison, and Clara didn't see him for two decades. She knows of him, however, as he has worked hard to rebuild his life and has turned into a well known fitness influencer and do-gooder now, motivating people to get moving. His entire existence is dedicated to doing penance and he's become a living monument of resilience, of the amazing ability some people have to not to give up after a major disaster. He is famous for his training programs paired with Tibetan acceptance and self-compassion advice, and is equally popular with celebrities looking to get fit, horny housewives and juvenile delinquents he mentors. Clara meets him for a photo shoot and it's like 1997 all over again. Despite the awkwardness of the years of silence, the decades of holding all that pain and guilt and regret in, he's still the love of her life, only hotter than ever, and his touch still makes her tingle all over. The memory of their last fight still haunts her to this day with what-ifs but he implies that her last words to him were what motivated him to get his shit together after everything fell apart. A lot of what he's saying publically about self-forgiveness and moving on is a facade because in his heart, he hasn't moved on in the slightest, and neither has Clara. But it must be fate bringing them back together, so they can talk it all out and begin to help each other heal those old wounds, and find out if there is still hope for the two of them as a couple, right?

Right, except there is a problem, or three. Her husband Jeremy and their twins Violet and Charlie.

Ding ding ding! I know what you're thinking. Ugggh, there is going to be cheating...? Because that's what I thought too. I tend to shy away from stories featuring cheaters because I want my lovers to forsake all others and clandestine sex fests are tawdry, messy and unromantic. If Pride and Prejudice was a story about Mrs. Elizabeth Smythe-Smith sneaking around behind her husband's back to get it on with her secret hunk lover Darcy the D-Man I doubt it would be my favorite book. Mind you, it might still be a great book, just not the same kind of love story, as he fell in love with her character and lying, cheating and breaking her previous commitments might have cost her his good opinion. All that honor is so inconvenient sometimes. "Disguise is my abhorrence, darling, but what sordid tale did you tell your husband this time?"

So I had this arc on my tbr pile for a while and put off reading it because I learned the FMC was married and I'm not into cheating in literature. Not that I am a fan of IRL cheating either... but then we have all known people who divorced their spouses for some reason and life is not always black and white and the person who leaves their current partner to be with somebody else is not always the personification of evil. Sometimes cheaters are irredeemable monsters who eat rotting hearts for breakfast but this is rare. In their natural habitat, most people are usually better than the worst things they did but sometimes they end up in emotional tangles that would hurt somebody either way.

And after gushing over yet another one of Madderson's books I had faith that this is a good enough author to pull off a story about human fallibility and murky moral waters with shades of gray and blue and purple, with characters who aren't paragons but whose behavior makes sense in the context of their feelings and experiences.

So yeah, that's what happened. This wasn't your regular hookup that took place just because you were horny and that hot dude was there. Because of their tormented past and all the trauma and lack of closure and unfinished business that had fermented over the years, this was extreme circumstances, childhood sweethearts cruelly interrupted. There was guilt of having killed a person and causing pain to your own loved ones, self-hatred and shutting yourself off from love because you were not worthy of it. There was pain of being in love with The One while you built your life with somebody else, the regret and grief about the way it ended the first time, her anger and sense of loss that he cut contact with her when he went to jail, the way she felt she served the prison sentence with him regardless, the guilt of infidelity, the fear of disrupting your children's stability, the feeling that in reality your first love was your previous commitment and you owed him your loyalty too. All the pining – gahh!

In short, Clara was screwed any old way. Whether she chose to be with Alex or Jeremy or none of them she was going to hurt someone she cared about, including herself.

Despite all the pep talks he's received and given, Alex still feels guilty about the incident that took someone's life and because it ruined Clara's happiness too. He's been just as hung on her as Clara was on him, he even tattooed her memory on his skin. He thinks she looks exactly the same but also like she's lost some of her old sparkle and is unsure if it's because of him or because of Jeremy. And now apart from all the old self-loathing he feels guilty about the potential of becoming a home-wrecker as he's blamed his dad's history for a lot of difficulties in his life.

Returning to Mrs. Elizabeth, if she was willing to cheat on Mr. Smythe-Smith, why would the reader be convinced that she wouldn't cheat on Hunkboy Darcy a few years down the line when she got tired of him? Make Me Sweat is told in flashbacks so we are familiar with the bliss of their first love by the time questions of fidelity become actual. This helps I think, as you see how special Alex was to Clara and how the sex part was just a tiny part of it all when her heart had always belonged to Alex, and her mind and emotions had always been so hopelessly tangled in her history with Alex and what-might-have-beens of the future. Even if they hadn't had sex, Clara had an Alex-shaped hole in her life and would never have been Jeremy's, not entirely, so there was sort of an inevitability about it. Her husband is a minor character in all this, like a mere blip in Clara's life, a footnote. Alex sometimes calls her by her maiden name. She's consumed with every conversation she's ever had with Alex but reports very few interactions with Jeremy, most of them with a faintly dissatisfied undertone. Jeremy does not know her well enough to ask her about the important things in her life. He is unaware of Clara's history with Alex, unappreciative of what she wants professionally, mildly critical of her body (that Alex worships). He is very different from Alex and it's largely the reason she married him to begin with. It's also his greatest fault: she gets irritated by many of the things he says and does or fails to, even though he should, but his greatest failing is that he is not Alex. There are big Jeremy-related reasons that he cannot make her happy and she considers leaving him regardless of what happens with Alex but thankfully he doesn't get demonized as much as so many jilted husbands in other books with infidelity themes.

Sorting this all out, Alex and Clara are helped by other characters who share their views and experiences about getting past broken relationships, life and death and whether things happen for a reason, forgiveness and new beginnings, whether you need to be worthy and to deserve happiness or just choose it and give it a chance.

So this was an angsty story. I could feel the pain and grief and the guilt and the pining physically in my chest. Some turns of phrase were just so beautiful, so poignant, cut me right there. Which is a sign of great writing.

But I'm not gonna lie to you, I didn't finish it straight through. While I was waiting for the hammer to fall on Alex and Clara in one of the flashbacks I had to take a fluff break for my sanity and read a book about a woman whose booty call with a tattooed hunk turned out to be the love of her life.

Writing style: If this author wrote the phone book in this polished prose I would read it.

Major skeeveball moment: Unprotected sex while cheating --- unhhh.

Missed angst opportunity: When they were young Alex got involved with drugs and I thought we'd be in for a boatload of trouble with addiction recovery issues but this was not a thing, they completely bypassed that question on their second opportunity. I guess he got addicted to exercise, pining over Clara and beating himself up instead.

Favorite scenes: when Alex stood out on the street watching Clara like a dickensian orphan, his tattoos, his screensaver, when he just wanted to wake up with her for once, when Alex got absolution from a twitchy addicted teen in a youth prison.

Publishing notes: This is a reworked version of the third Sorrel farm book When Then Becomes Now, converted to first person point of view. I haven't read that but generally I feel that first person POV is much more powerful.

I got the arc from the author and this is a voluntary essay.

TL; DR: Yes, there's infidelity. No, I didn't hate the characters at the end of it. If you fancy a good story about climbing Mount Angstfest this is it. The thing is, sleeping with a married woman was not the worst thing Alex ever did, not by far. And this book is about forgiving so much more than the cheating.

[Jezabel Nightingale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This book was everything I wasn't expecting in the most wonderful way. Yes, it is about a character who cheats on their spouse, but as with so much 'infidelity' it is not a black and white situation. It was the shades of grey that made me fall in love with both Alex and Clara.

An easy 5 stars!

[C Schmidt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the story of Clara and Alex. I have to admit I was hesitant to give this book a try because it sounds nothing like her other more dark books which I love. Alex and Clara were young lovers who met and fell in love in high school. Clara came from an upper class family while Alex struggled and his mom worked two jobs. When Alex was asked to transport weed, he agreed to do it because it was easy money and eased the burden on his mom…. But over time, he was asked to do more and made some very poor choices which resulted in the death of a young woman and a two year stint in juvenile jail where he and Clara were separated. He refused to see her or let her have anything to do with him during the trial or once he was incarcerated and told her to move on with her life.

Fast forward twenty years, and Clara is married to a dependable man who she made sure was the complete opposite of Alex and had twins, a boy and a girl. Alex is now an entrepreneur with a fitness company of his own and settled into his new life. And the two meet again, and sparks fly. Just to be clear… THERE IS CHEATING IN THIS BOOK… IF THATS A TRIGGER FOR YOU, DONT READ THIS.

“I could walk out that door and really not miss him, or if I missed him, not in that visceral, primal way that feels as though my body was being torn in two. Not in the way I’ve always missed Alex. Not in the way I’ve missed Alex all morning, since I left that bedroom. And when I’m with Jeremy, it’s perfectly pleasant and nice and normal. When I’m with Alex, even in the same room as him, even in the same massive conference space, it’s like there’s no air in my lungs and no ground under my feet and no conceivable reason for me to exist on this earth except to be with him.”

I’m going to say this. This book should have been longer I feel. I’m at 73% and nothing has been discussed about her relationship with her husband after she cheated. I realize the book is about Clara and Alex, but there’s no way you can be at home with a husband and two children after cheating as though nothing happened. I just finished the book and the marriage between Clara and Jeremy was given very little air time until the very end….. probably due to the fact that the book was under 300 pages.

Having said that I do believe that Alex and Clara were destined to be together and I was scared throughout the book as to the ending.

“‘Look.’ Zoe throws her hands up. ‘I don’t know. We all have the freedom to make choices, yes, and we create our own paths by doing so. Alex made choices that night that had disastrous consequences for so many people. But. I truly believe the length of our stay on this physical plane is determined for us. I was not meant to die on that operating table, that day. Maybe this woman was only meant to live for—how old was she?’ ‘Twenty-six,’ I whisper. ‘For twenty-six years. Maybe that was all she was ever supposed to get in her physical form. I understand—it’s tragic, mainly because her baby lost its mother. But I’ve seen the other side, albeit super, super briefly. Her death was not the end of her. She’s still here.’ She waves her hand. ‘She’s not lost. She’s an infinite being, and neither Alex nor anyone else can ever take that from her.

‘All I’m saying is that perhaps, if he broadens his perspective to think of it like that, he will stop taking on one hundred percent of the responsibility and pain. There were so many factors at play that night, to throw them into each other’s paths like that. He had to leave your house at the exact time he did. She had to leave wherever she was at an exact time too, and walk at an exact pace, in order for him to be the instrument of her death. If you think of it like that, it blows the mind, the complexity of the operation that was her dying at his hands. Does one human have the power to orchestrate something like that? I’m not sure.’ My skin has broken out in goosebumps. I stare at Zoe, but my mind’s eye is playing a scene from far above, as if I’m some omniscient being watching tiny figures reenacting that fateful night in miniature. My fury. My choice of words to Alex. Alex, leaving my house. Heading back to the estate. Drinking and snorting whatever he did. Taking his mum’s car keys. Putting his foot on the accelerator. Lindsay Smith, saying goodbye to her friends. Leaving the Queen’s Head. Walking, choosing her pace, passing the darkened Spar and the fluorescent lights of the twenty-four-hour chemist. Stepping out onto the zebra crossing as Alex’s headlights approached and didn’t slow. When you think of it like that, what are the chances of it happening? Infinitesimal, that’s what they are. Our whole lives, Alex and I have asked ourselves till we’ve been blue in the face: what if? What if he’d left five minutes later? Five seconds later? But now, I ask myself, what if he and I both learn to accept it? To move on, finally? Alex will never yield responsibility for what happened to Lindsay, and he shouldn’t. He took her life. But perhaps he can stop the endless asking what if? Perhaps he can accept what is. If he can finally make peace with what’s happened, and his role in it, and the fact that he has done his time, served his sentence, then perhaps he can learn to accept this second revolution the wheel of his life, this opportunity that he and I have been given to pick up our love story again. Perhaps he can shift his perspective to see that this reunion is miraculous, and that it must be a sign from someone, somewhere, that he’s deserving of happiness. Then was then, and now is now. Maybe it’s time to drop the past and move forward.”

I loved the book. It was a little overly wordy at times, but I still loved it and I loved Alex and Clara as a couple. I think this book was very well done by the author. This wasn’t a dark love story… it was two teens who fell in love early in their lives that were separated by the harshest of circumstances but continued to love each other indefinitely. 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[KatReadsRomance · Rating 5 out of 5]

What the soul needs, that heart must deliver

Make Me Sweat is not like any other book by Sara Madderson I've read. Much of this book takes place at Sorrel Farm where Clara works, taking stunning photos for a farm to table cookbook, featuring one of my favourite series characters, chef Zoe. But this Second Chance romance has angst and ‘forbidden love’ that will leave you weak in the knees and begging for release. It’s a book with deeper existential themes than any others Sara has written. It had me gasping, tearing up, and in awe of how she could write such powerful love. You could say I loved Alex and Clara’s story, but I say I felt it so strongly it made me feel as though I lived it.

I totally ‘get’ how strong the powerful pull of meeting and being with someone that your soul recognizes. Call it a soulmate, or whatever you like, sometimes the magnetic attraction is just too powerful to resist. Besides, Alex and Clara already had a history that was brutally ripped apart by fate. While I don’t condone scratching a mere itch, the love between these two continued to burn white hot 21 years after they ended so abruptly. It simply had to be. There was never any question in my mind. Sometimes love cannot be ignored.

I absolutely believe that we as souls live countless lives and we make agreements with our soul families as to what part each soul will play, before we are reborn into the next life. Clara and Alex have the kind of bond that is unbreakable. Nothing can stop them from being together and no matter the collateral damage, it has to be.

Thankfully, the collateral damage is relatively minor. The relationship Clara has with her husband (who is not exactly a bad guy, just selfish and not the one for her) was pretty much a surface love. He wasn’t interested in knowing who she really was, he just needed her to look good and to make him look good. I got the sense his pride was hurt, but that he’d find a replacement trophy wife without much quibble. Even Clara's children accepted Alex relatively easily because I'm sure they could see how happy he made their mother.

I loved that the theme of connection and oneness that began in Food For Thought, got even stronger in Heaven on Earth, and culminated in this powerful book that is the very definition of oneness and connection. To say I loved Make Me Sweat says too little. This book made its way into the fibre of my being. It will stay with me for a very long time and I will bathe myself in the light of Alex and Clara’s love.

Favourite Passage:

“I raise my camera to my eye, adjusting the aperture a bit. I can hide behind it and gape freely at his beauty. His skin shimmers with sweat. He’s looking directly at me, smiling just for me. His eyes are tropical, bottomless pools of green. I click. He’s in focus. Everything behind him a luminous blur. It’s exactly the same as when I look at him without the camera: he’s the only thing I see.”

[Nikki Turner · Rating 1 out of 5]

I suppose it had to happen eventually, but I have found a book by Sara that I do not like...I do not like it at all.


I can not get behind infidelity, despite how much she has tried to romanticise it with the long lost love/soulmate/second chance angle.
Clara's husband was distant and not a particularly good husband, but he was never really given a shot. She admitted to being in love with someone else the day she married him ffs. He might have been aware that he was dismissive, etc...but we'll never know because she didn't give him the opportunity. There was no conversation... She just jumped straight into bed with Alex. Don't get me started on the fact she had unprotected sex with the guy who admitted he fucked around alot...we don't know if she was also sleeping with her husband but if she was, that was also really fucking selfish to put him at risk unknowingly (she was aware of the risk so that's on her).
Also, Abi was a terrible friend... living vicariously through her friend screwing another man behind her husbands back...are you serious?! The advice should've been, speak to your husband and if you truly want Alex and love him as much as you do then you need to divorce him, whether you end up with Alex or not, Jeremy (and you) deserve that.
I will get off my soap box now, but suffice to say... not for me!

[Clara Martinez Turco · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing makes me happier than reading a second-chance romance. High-school sweethearts/soulmates? Even better. And if the story feels real, then that's just the cherry on top.

Make Me Sweat ticks all of these boxes. Yes, there is cheating. But really, doesn't that happen in real life? Now, if infidelity triggers you or is not your thing, then I guarantee this is not the book for you.

I loved how the story alternates between past (1998-1999) and present (2019). It showcases the evolution of the characters while creating an engaging narrative. It explores numerous challenging and heartfelt themes, revealing the complexities of life, relationships, and human nature.

Did I root for Alex and Clara? Yes, I absolutely did. The best part? Clara becoming the person she was always meant to be. Not just a trophy wife or a mother, but a successful woman who wears many hats. Alex's backstory is heartbreaking. But it also touches upon the importance of forgiveness and how, sometimes, life gives you second chances.

[Charliegirl1 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing

This book is well written as usual by Sara Madderson, but I find the plot disappointing, it seems a glorified treatise to justify cheating and divorce, all in the name of "true love". For another, I'm not a real believer that you can take back up with a teenage lover as an adult and fall right back into the same feelings. Have neither of you grown or matured since then? And lastly, he dropped and ghosted her too many times (at least three) over the course of time for her to just accept an "I'm sorry, I've changed my mind and now I want you for good" without a lot mire groveling and proving himself.

[Marian Chawner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very emotional story about lost love and second chances. Clara and Alex go way back to school romance. The two were meant for each other forever and beyond. Until! As a result of wrong decisions, and a very lengthy time apart they are reacquainted. Clara is married with 11year old twins, Charlie and Violet, and Alex is a wealthy personal trainer celebrity. The chemistry ignites and a very passionate and in denial phase occurs. A wonderful
HEA awaits the reader. All characters are truly believable, especially Jeremy, Clara’s husband. A lawyer who is doing well, not only at work with his ideal family, house, and rounds if golf, but his inability to see he is stifling Clara and her needs.

[Joyce · Rating 5 out of 5]

All the emotions!
Alex and Clara were teenage lovers torn apart so tragically that it made my heart hurt. But the way the story is told, knowing they were both happy-ish if not thriving in their adult lives makes it less visceral. The tragedy (as well as the love story) is told in flashbacks sprinkled through Alex and Clara’s renaissance. I loved their story and their emotional reconnection! This is a great book, and sexy, too!

[Lyndsey Gallagher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has it all! Sara manages to perfectly capture the agonising yet utterly exhilarating highs of first love, the devastating lows of heartbreak and everything in-between . It was sexy, angsty, and charged with palpable emotion! It delivered absolutely all the feels! Highly recommend this gorgeous read!

[Mr Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and once I started reading, I quickly became immersed in the story. On many occasions I wished for the story to change direction and give the main characters a break but happily this didn’t happen! It was clever how the main players were introduced as part of a familiar story thread. Sadly I finished it all to quickly.

[Tracyridenour92gmail.Com]

WOW!!

This book was great!! I loved Alex and Clara!! They were in love when they were teenagers and knew they were soul mates. A tragic event happens and Alex pushes her away to move on with her life without him. Years later they run into each other and realize they are still madly in love.

[Kali Jean · Rating 2 out of 5]

the infidelity in this one really bothered me and ruined it for me. i had read about this couple in another book (after they were already together) and so i went back for this one but honestly the husband isn't villain/bad enough for how she handled it IMO and while the second-chance romance is great and it all works out for them, and i appreciate character growth, i just always had the ick.

[Steve and Amy Levasseur · Rating 5 out of 5]

absolutely stunning

A true display of marriage wrongs and beautiful romance love story with an amazing unearthly twist. The way the characters play off of each other the intimacy the reflection and the story development is one for the ages! Amazing job Sara.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not normally a cheater trope person but I couldn’t get enough of this book. I couldn’t put it down and finished it in one sitting! I absolutely loved Alex. The flashbacks to get the whole picture was perfection.

[Clare Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely second chance romance.

[Claire Coan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I literally devour Sara’s books.
This book had me from the start, Alex & Clara’s relationship was both sexy and beautiful.
I was willing it to work for Clara but also for Alex, to heal him finally after years of punishing himself.
My only wish would have been bonus chapters as I would have loved to hear what there life was like 5 years from now.