1.5 — rounded DOWN
“Don’t push me away. Don’t tell me to go home. Let me show you that this curse can be broken if only you’d let me melt the ice caging your heart.” 🤢🤢
He LOVES him??? Why???
Nope. If you love the Beauty and the Beast story, stay away from this. Be not mistaken — I didn’t expect this to just be an exact MM retelling of the original or Disney adaptation, which I do love dearly. This just fails on its own merit and also shits all over the source material. Let’s break down the sins of this story.
No contemporary Beauty and the Beast adaptation (however loose) should have the Beauty character being TOLD the rules of curse and then actively seeking to break it. It’s not Beauty’s obligation to save the cursed inhabitants of the enchanted castle. Nor is it Beauty’s role to fix the Beast by their own plotting and scheming. THAT IS NOT ROMANTIC!!! There is an ulterior motive to every interaction Reardon has with Jack. He treats the relationship like a project and vocalizes his end goal very clearly to Jack, breaking any semblance of romantic tension. He is actively trying to FIX HIM. BLEGH. This is so insanely disappointing because before he suddenly discovered he could get a leg up by banging human Jack at night, the two of them were developing so well naturally. They didn’t even really get to be friends before love becomes the obtrusive forefront of their relationship.
The emotional core of the original story is that Beauty develops love for Beast on her own terms and in her own time. The original story sees Beauty through her character arc, learning to find beauty where she wouldn’t normally expect to find it. Conversely, the Disney adaptation sees Beast through his character arc, learning to put others before himself through his love for the kind and caring Belle.
Here, we have two muddled character focuses: Beauty learns not to be so dang naive, while Beast learns to give in to prophesies and believe in himself (aww!). The emotional arc is missing in this story because all emotion is forced upon the characters. I have no idea why characters love each other. I can probably see that they like each other and want to have hot sex with each other, but love? Nope.
This story seems to be flipping the dynamic between the Beauty and Beast characters in the Disney adaptation. Notably in that version (which this so obviously references), Beauty does not return any grace or kindness towards Beast until he gives it himself, and the respect Beast feels towards Beauty encourages him to become his best self by his own volition. Beauty calls Beast out on his bullshit, NOT singing his praises whenever Beast self-deprecates. And most importantly — everything develops in its own time. Here, however, the whole romance is literally contrived in-story from Barclay’s vague prophesy and Reardon’s grand planning. What a clumsy dynamic to have Beast WANTING Beauty to leave the castle while Beauty sticks his ass around like a clingy motherfucker😭🤭
Even if this wasn’t so obviously a retelling of BatB, this horrible dynamic wouldn’t work regardless. The “I can fix him” attitude is never EVER endearing or romantic. It insinuates that the deeply-flawed love interest can only be redeemed through the presence of the “healer” in their life, otherwise the person would stay horrible and wouldn’t actually grow mentally/emotionally. It reveals that the “healer” quite literally sees something wrong with the love interest and wants to actively snuff the bad qualities out so they could be a good partner FOR THEM. This is NOT. ROMANTIC.
The smut. Dear god it came like a sudden unwanted plague. The bumbling Reardon before the first sex scene was not the same that participated in that sex scene. The whole thing seemed so tonally dissonant from the rest of the story I got whiplash from it. And every subsequent sex scene after that was equally bad. Reardon was treating their “nightly audiences” like steps toward his ultimate end goal, and Jack proved exactly why he deserved his curse by bedding Reardon the first chance he got. Any time the intimacy would get remotely romantic, Reardon would ruin it by declaring his supposed love to Jack. He absolutely does not love Jack. I’m not sure if his naïvety is meant to be charming, but it destroys his character and the romantic development that’s clearly meant to be at the heart of this story.
Let’s talk more about Reardon. Reardon is a bumbling ignorant idiot who doesn’t know when to stop talking. He’d be eaten alive by his subjects. To put it clearly — I’m not supposed to be disliking Beauty instead of the Beast. Not supposed to be desperately trying to find redeeming qualities in the Beauty instead of the Beast. How could anyone in their right mind call another person their “love” out of the blue after one measly hookup? What a horrible representation of the Beauty character. His kind and caring disposition ALONE is supposed to bring out the best in the Beast, whose reciprocated generosity wins over the Beauty in turn. No grand plan. No ploy. No scheming. No “oh well I’ll get him next time!” Just plain old innocent romance.
Having the Beauty fall for the Beast first was such a laughably bad decision. It’s not lost on me that the reversed dynamic was deliberate. But maybe it’s not that way because it wouldn’t work that way. How can you tell me that the quote at the top of this review is romantic? How can a desperate Beauty and unyielding Beast make for a romantic story? How am I supposed to appreciate this romance when it’s pressured onto another? When it’s not from one’s own will and desire but prophesied through shadowy foretellings? When the character is so constantly bombarded with the idea that they start to go “might as well!”
Clearly this author knows what real romantic development looks like. They told a love story for the ages through Josie and Barclay in just a few sentences. But the gays can’t have that!
This story drags. As in half of this is literally the castle dragging the secrets of the curse until a specific date. It’s dull as hell. The worldbuilding is fascinating for the first 20% and then…nothing. There’s so little whimsy for a story set in an enchanted castle with cursed elementals and immortal magic-wielding occupants. I guess it doesn’t help that I didn’t really like those characters either lol.
It’s incredibly frustrating and laughably idiotic how every character seems to want to be in control of everything, from the occupants setting a date at which Reardon can find out about the big mystery to Reardon setting out to win over the Beast. This whole castle was pretty horrible to Reardon too. There’s so much talk of warmth in the castle that I just can’t feel. So many of these characters feel mean-spirited and at best dull. Even Barclay and Josie, some of the the only remotely likable characters, are just really uninteresting. Barclay especially feels like his whole character is solely a plot device to dole out vague prophesies that ruin the natural progression of the story. And Josie is just…nice. Their love story is what makes them interesting, which is horrible since they can’t be compelling themselves, yet at the same time, their love story so easily trumps the main one.
Oh and I saw that plot twist from a continent away. I tried to at least get into that conflict but couldn’t really care. The story became really corny by the 75% mark. And then characters started doling out the lessons they learned like it was a sharing circle after a retreat. Just bad.
And I didn’t even bother with that last chapter talking about god knows what lol.
I hate myself for not DNFing this. It took me so damn long for me to finish because I couldn’t get invested. But I guess just like Reardon I’m a bumbling naive idiot who tries to sees the best in the worst. Maybe I too have a lesson to learn and to share with the class. But for now I’m gonna do some healing and watch the movie that’s actually worth my time :)
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Update: 10/27/23
I’d like to retrospectively thank this story for making me so upset that I finally succumbed to AO3 and got obsessed with fairytale fanfics for two whole weeks. I never could’ve done it without you😘😘