The Invisible Exhibitionist

by Emje McCarty

Artist and author emje mccarty spent two years digging introspectively into her heart and mind, inking a self-portrait each day within her intimate private journals. With the clarity of hindsight and personal growth, she shares her feelings, observations, anxieties, depressions, passions, anger, angst, and sorrows through poetry as well as vibrant emotionally-stirring inkings.

305 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2022

About the author

emje is a graphic novelist & zine maker; a wild witch; an anarchist; she is an androgynous, punk rock, unschooling forest gardener.
she is currently working on her second novel & putting out a zine called twat.

Reviews

[Casey Kiser · Rating 5 out of 5]

“why should you have it
any better
than i did?”
my mother said to me
& i catch myself
saying to
me
over & over
why should you be happy
why should you find love
why should you
ever
ever
ever

-from pg. 252

Most of the pieces in this stunning collection don’t wear titles, only dates. And most read more like lingering or recurring thoughts for a young mother still admittedly struggling with her own deep-rooted doubts and self-loathing. The thoughts are a spectrum of emotional fireworks from sullen to soaring. The artwork is so connected to the inner child, ultra-personal and really just gorgeous. There are plenty of cringey rants here and there, proving the author is not afraid to display her shadow side in the name of her art. There is way more beauty to balance it all out. I love this book. A deeply-layered reflective journey of pain and wonder; of blame and accountability, acceptance and gratitude. Emje also explores toxic relationship patterns. “to avoid having needs met / i seek out / impossible men” -from pg. 224 and “i’d suggest an exorcism… but i kinda dig your demon”.
My favorite is the piece dated 2-10-2019 and the artwork with it is so lovely:

my soul is a beacon
right now
i can hear her song
as she calls out
across the universe
i can feel her light
as she shines it
in every dark corner
my soul searches
for a connection
deeper than
i can even
imagine
a connection
older than the stars

-from pg. 248

[Candice Daquin · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most honest thing I can say about emje mccarty (she likes lower-case for her name) is she's ridiculously talented & probably the one person I can point to whom I truly believe deserves to have that breakthrough moment & claim the international attention of art-lovers & writers alike. As part of my job, I read hundreds of manuscripts a year, in addition I come from a family of artists. I'm not a pushover in terms of what I appreciate, but it's undeniable that mccarty's talent exists in abundance, because I've known of her work for about ten years now & there's not one single time when she hasn't produced the highest quality & moreover, truly inspiring writing/artwork in one of her collections. This puts most poetry/writing/memoir/artjournal collections to SHAME with its - brilliance. I know I'm using superlactives, but I don't know what else to use, it literally IS that brilliant. I wish so much more people had access to mccarty's work because they'd see what I see. You can't avoid seeing it. She's talented in ways most of us only dream of. Why do I say this? Because everything she does, she does it so well - but not in a self-conscious type-A kind of way, more like it's just who she is when she creates. In fact I'd say she's not confident enough of how brilliant her artwork is; she doesn't see it the way I do. This book is basically the best collection I've read of hers so far because she pushes it even further out, to basically unrepentantly representing nearly a year's worth of herself in art & written form. This woman's work is extraordinary, she should be in galleries, on tshirts, she's the artist of her generation, spilling into the everyday with her highly relatable & evocative representations of herself in varied guises, alongside symbology & tongue-in-cheek. Her artwork is gorgeous, just gorgeous, her ability as a lines-illustrator, her water color precision & beauty, her understanding of color & form & perspective. At once she's Boudica, she's got her feet in your face, she's nude, she's hidden in swashes of color, she's staring dismantled, she's untainted, she's broken down, she's rebuilt. All the ways of a woman, all the phases & outcries, they're here alongside moving words, true words, honesty in a way few ever have the guts to be. This is unvarnished but as gorgeous as if it were - it's the beauty of the ugly side of ourselves - it's the extraordinary gift of a real artist, who has poured herself into this book in a way I'm lost for words. I review for a living & I feel nothing I can say would begin to touch the brilliance of this book - from its magnificent title which is prescient, to the portraiture, that I believe proves beyond a shadow of doubt, the depths of this woman's ability, foresight & genius. I've adored her work from the day I saw it, but with 'the invisible exhibitionist' I think mccarty's gone even further than I could imagine her capable of, rendering nearly a year's worth of portraits & images (over a 2 year period) seemingly effortlessly, alongside musings of what these shifts & shadows MEAN. It's intense, it's impossible not to relate, it's addictive & quite simply, beautiful. I want to use more words, but it's like music, you have to experience it, you really have to. This book isn't inexpensive, it can't be, it's full color. But for the price you're going to love it & share it & buy more copies, I guarantee that. This collection proves emje mccarty is at the top of her game, she's on fire, she's one of the very, very best American artists and poets out there, & if you like either, I urge you to purchase her work because this fine artist will knock your socks off.

[Tara Caribou · Rating 5 out of 5]

Picking up emje's third book seemed daunting at first. 300 pages of gorgeous vibrant emotional journal inkings of self-portraits in addition to her dark, sometimes humorous, poetry. The book is incredible. The pages are thick and colorful. I found myself flipping back and forth between some of the images and words, trying to soak it all in. This is the type of book you keep picking up and reviewing. The artist-author explains herself at the beginning, that she went on a journey of self-revelation and healing a few years ago, in an attempt at personal growth and to 'exercise her demons' as it were. During the time, she filled her journals with thoughts, poems, and of course, ink drawings of...herself, as she saw herself and as she perceived others saw her.

What was really cool was seeing how she indeed seemed to be working through her 'issues'. You can read the changes in her voice as well as watch her art morph and melt and bloom. I'd say, at least from an outsider's perspective, that she accomplished her goals. Wow. And then to create this collection, which I believe must have been quite a task, to pare it down to a mere 300-pages with years of work to go through.

Don't let the price detour you, my friend. This isn't some half-hearted, rapidly tossed together collection. You can see the tears and dirt and healing in every page. It's worth it, believe me, it really is. I'm giving this collection a 4.75/5 stars, with the only detraction for me being the length. I personally might have preferred two 150-page collections over one real big one, but it's really a minor complaint in the overall. I only felt a little overwhelmed when I first held it. Once I dug in... I was hooked and I wonder how I've never thought of doing something so... healing for my own self. emje shows us we can and I love her for it.