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Relationship Reset: How to break the cycle of conflict and create secure and lasting love
Why do we fight most with those we love best?
Australian relationship therapist Lissy Abrahams has spent years exploring this question, both in her treatment room helping clients and through extensive research.
She knows that long-term conflict leaves us drained, anxious and worried for the emotional wellbeing of our families, but says it is neither intractable or inevitable. Conflict is caused by unconscious patterns of thinking and behaviour - unresolved feelings of fear, instability or pain - that can be consciously rewired for a healthier, happier relationship.
Lissy has seen firsthand how even small changes can help people reduce conflict and reconnect with their partners, improving their quality of life.
In Relationship Reset, Lissy provides practical, evidence-based tools to help
- understand how childhood experiences affect adult relationships
- identify your blind spots, defence mechanisms and triggers - and recognise them in others
- become aware of patterns in conflict, and learn new ways to respond to distress
- communicate clearly and openly with your partner, without judgment
- develop a more trusting, intimate and stable relationship.
Filled with insightful research, case studies and exercises, Relationship Reset will help you rewrite the stories underlying your emotional life, and build a secure and loving union.
Australian relationship therapist Lissy Abrahams has spent years exploring this question, both in her treatment room helping clients and through extensive research.
She knows that long-term conflict leaves us drained, anxious and worried for the emotional wellbeing of our families, but says it is neither intractable or inevitable. Conflict is caused by unconscious patterns of thinking and behaviour - unresolved feelings of fear, instability or pain - that can be consciously rewired for a healthier, happier relationship.
Lissy has seen firsthand how even small changes can help people reduce conflict and reconnect with their partners, improving their quality of life.
In Relationship Reset, Lissy provides practical, evidence-based tools to help
- understand how childhood experiences affect adult relationships
- identify your blind spots, defence mechanisms and triggers - and recognise them in others
- become aware of patterns in conflict, and learn new ways to respond to distress
- communicate clearly and openly with your partner, without judgment
- develop a more trusting, intimate and stable relationship.
Filled with insightful research, case studies and exercises, Relationship Reset will help you rewrite the stories underlying your emotional life, and build a secure and loving union.
287 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 26, 2022
13 people are currently reading
19 people want to read
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
August 13, 2022
Readership of this book is not just limited to people in serious relationships. It is also insightful from a personal development standpoint, and allows one to enhance their mind-body connection. It was a collation of research and first-hand observations from an experienced practitioner about how increasing one’s understanding of themselves assists our connections with other, and in turn, reduces conflict.
Lissy overall contends that, to reduce conflict and highten our intimacy experienced with others, we must first become intimate with ourselves; we must discover how our childhood “relational scripts” causes us to behave in certain ways, and we must be empathetic about other people’s uniquely developed scripts. People with “insecure attachment styles”, developed from their childhood relationships with their caregivers, tend to experience more conflict in their adult relationships because they do not have high distress tolerance. However, through drawing upon a range of techniques, and holding a long-term, safe, caring, and loving relationship with a securely attached person, insecurely attached adults can learn “earned secure attachment” to reduce conflict in their relationships.
Overall, I found this to be a pleasant read. Lissy drew from a range of complex theories, research and studies, and explained them in a simplistic way for her layperson readership. She then engaged in several case studies which helped to consolidate her concepts about couple conflict. At times, I felt as though the main points were communicated in a repetitive way, and the book could have been shorter. However, the book was well structured, particularly with the use of many headings and sub-headings to break up large pieces of writing. This made the book easy to follow along and enjoyable.
If you enjoy informative self-help books touching on topics such as mindfulness, self-development and relationships, then I certainly recommend this one for you!
Chloe
Lissy overall contends that, to reduce conflict and highten our intimacy experienced with others, we must first become intimate with ourselves; we must discover how our childhood “relational scripts” causes us to behave in certain ways, and we must be empathetic about other people’s uniquely developed scripts. People with “insecure attachment styles”, developed from their childhood relationships with their caregivers, tend to experience more conflict in their adult relationships because they do not have high distress tolerance. However, through drawing upon a range of techniques, and holding a long-term, safe, caring, and loving relationship with a securely attached person, insecurely attached adults can learn “earned secure attachment” to reduce conflict in their relationships.
Overall, I found this to be a pleasant read. Lissy drew from a range of complex theories, research and studies, and explained them in a simplistic way for her layperson readership. She then engaged in several case studies which helped to consolidate her concepts about couple conflict. At times, I felt as though the main points were communicated in a repetitive way, and the book could have been shorter. However, the book was well structured, particularly with the use of many headings and sub-headings to break up large pieces of writing. This made the book easy to follow along and enjoyable.
If you enjoy informative self-help books touching on topics such as mindfulness, self-development and relationships, then I certainly recommend this one for you!
Chloe
Displaying 1 of 1 review