The Sh!t No One Tells You About Divorce: A Guide to Breaking Up, Falling Apart, and Putting Yourself Back Together

by Dawn Dais

A bestselling author offers a refreshingly honest, compassionate guide to the sh!tstorm that is divorce: falling apart, staying afloat, and new beginnings (whether you are ready for them or not).

After 12 years together, 2 children, 10 pets, and 5 properties, Dawn and her partner decided to call it quits. In the newest installment of her bestselling Sh!t No One Tells You series, Dawn tries to figure out what happened… and what happens next. 

Dawn takes you on her own bumpy, meandering, and often absurd journey through the destruction of a life exploded by divorce. She dodges legal hurdles, irrational decisions, alarmed therapists, random hobbies, and a concerning number of dating app profiles that look like the beginning of a true crime podcast. But somehow, she found herself stronger—and happier—on the other side.  

Leaning into the mess, Dawn helps you learn the art of embracing Netflix and cry, the healing power of profanity, the importance of assembling the right support squad, how to survive the sh!tshow of co-parenting, and much more. Joined by an insightful chorus of divorced friends, Dawn delivers a true-to-life and funnier-than-it-should-be guide to discovering the unexpected value in the wreckage. What if divorce isn’t just a loss—but an opportunity? 

Genres: Nonfiction, Divorce, Self Help

Audiobook

Published January 10, 2023

About the author

Dawn Dais is a freelance writer, designer, and filmmaker from Sacramento, CA. Her two previous books, The Nonrunner's Marathon Guide for Women and The Noncyclist's Guide to the Century and Other Road Races, were published by Seal Press, have topped Amazon.com best-seller lists, and have been featured by countless TV and print media sources. Her uniquely sarcastic yet inspiring tone has entertained and guided an enthusiastic core of readers towards their various ridiculous athletic goals. Dais has a popular website, dreaminmotion.net, which has 5,000 members and features downloadable training plans, blogging, and run tracking. Her first film recently received national distribution. Dais lives in Sacramento, CA, with her partner and one-year-old daughter, Vivian.

Reviews

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a helpful divorce self-help book, not for the practical and legal stuff but for taking care of one's mental health. Dawn Dais is quite funny and is helpfully honest about the ways in which both she and her former spouse acted badly at times during the divorce but also tried their best at times. Also, it was so nice to read a divorce book about a same-sex couple that was also applicable to opposite-sex couples instead of the reverse! I skipped the chapters on kids and co-parenting since they aren't relevant to me.

Dais regularly refers to divorce as blowing up one's own life and someone else's; while it may have needed blowing up, it's still explosive and painful and devastating and leaves a huge mess.

She intersperses her sound advice with regular sections for journaling, all titled "Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck." But Dais is clear that, while we all need to scream into our pillows (or journals) about how much everything sucks, we also need to weigh the costs and benefits of holding onto anger and fighting about what is "fair" and recognize that the costs are usually much higher than any benefits. For example, in discussing her ex-wife, she writes, "And -- you're going to be shocked when I tell you this -- she continued to be a very frustrating person post-divorce. ... One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself in your healing from divorce is getting to a place where you finally accept that the person you divorced is probably going to keep being the person you divorced. They may never change, but you can change whether or not you allow them access to your nervous system. This one will take a while to really pull off, and you may never feel like you completely succeed, ... but it's definitely the best way to find peace" (188-89).

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to BooksForwardFriends for an advance reader copy of Dawn Dais’ new book.

I enjoyed the author’s writing style. It flows like you are having a conversation with her. The book reads easily and has short chapters. Though, if you couldn’t ascertain from the title, you aren’t a fan of swearing, this probably isn’t the book for you.

Dawn has some good advice, such as seeking therapy, compiling a good support system and journaling. She was able to give a good balance between talking about the negative things about her ex while also realizing that she was not innocent in the divorce.

I liked the authors take on parenting after divorce and this reads a bit like a really good pep talk for parents embarking on splitting their time with their children due to divorce.

Lastly, this author is funny! Especially the chapter about online dating. She is skilled at taking an emotionally charged topic like divorce and making it something entertaining to read. For example, likening her ex to a face tattoo - a constant reminder of a mistake.

Overall, this would be a good book for someone looking for some insight and perspective on coping with divorce. Bonus points for the book also having journal prompts and space interspersed throughout the book.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley, the author, and publisher for the digital ARC of ”The Sh!t No One Tells You About Divorce.” I definitely identified with the author when she says “We’ll rage and laugh and introspect and cry. And cuss. We are going to cuss a lot. There can be no healing without a fair amount of cussing, it’s just science. You’re welcome.” My favorite quote that was referenced and that I need to remember is “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could be different.”

I do wish more detail was given to the financial consequences of divorce from a middle class lens. Perhaps someone who has to find a way to stay in the marital home so their kids can finish up school without having to move to a new district. The author had multiple properties which for me was so far from relatable. I would have liked more advice about tax implications and the financial parts no one tells you about- like you are suddenly a bad driver now that you are single and we are going to jack your car insurance up! Overall I am glad I took the time to read it.

[MookNana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is as much of a personal memoir as a guide to divorce, but it was interesting reading with helpful things to take away. The focus on co-parenting was at least as strong as the actual mechanics of divorce, but there are many practical tips for how to divide households, deal with legal issues, etc. There are also very worthwhile thought exercises and journal prompts to help readers process. It's definitely written from a position of privilege--the author inhabits an upper middle-class world where one has to determine who does the spa maintenance and the barrier to solving problems by "throwing some money at it" is giving oneself permission to do it. That said, any reader going through a divorce could benefit from reading this.

Many thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review!

[Carrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading this 2 years ago when I was fresh off my split would not have been a good idea for me.
There is too much humour and sarcasm (which I love) for this book to have been helpful to me. Almost to the point where I found it inappropriate for those of us that really struggled mentally with our separation/divorce.
Good tips on getting the support you need to get through, but if I had to read one more time about only getting her kids "50% of the time", I was gonna lose it. Probably why I couldn't give it 4 stars despite enjoying it.

Now that we are all in a place of 'moving forward', I can appreciate the sentiments.

[Carolyn Amate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informative and easy reading guide through a divorce. The book was somewhat humorous and had common sense advice as how to navigate through a divorce. The author mentioned seven stages of divorce. 1. Denial. 2. Glee/Booze 3. Blame Game 4.Netflix and cry 5. All the Therapy 6. HO phase and 7. The Shrug. At the very end of the book he talks of forgiveness. I liked how he defined forgiveness as " letting go of the hope that the past could be different ". This book was a good book for anyone going through a divorce

[Katherine Rohrbacher · Rating 4 out of 5]

An almost perfect divorce book for me, one that loves to drop an F bomb. My perfect divorce book would not include all of the parts with children and would end in a divorce AND a domestic violence restraining order against a narcissist husband. I guess I'll have to write that one...
Overall, I loved this book. It found me at the perfect time and was a great companion during this shit show I've been going through. Cheers to (almost) making it to the other side!

[Melanie Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

For such an emotional subject, Dawn does an amazing job of being honest while injecting humour (dark or otherwise) where it is to be found in these situations. I really enjoyed reading this book filled with measured, practical, emotional, mental, and physical advice, and I'm happy that she made it safely through her own life implosion while caring about the wellbeing of her children.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found some of the chapters full of useful advice and information, but I couldn’t resonate with the emotional aspect of the book because my relationship doesn’t reflect what the author presents. It made me realize how much I don’t want a divorce but I’m facing initiating one nonetheless. I’m more heartbroken than angry and annoyed.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is engaging and written in an easy style. Overall, I felt the author maybe wrote this book just too early in her own divorce process and things were more in the weeds than big picture. As an emotional support book through a challenging time, this does work.

[Zach Strassburger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book by queer woman about how to survive divorce, with journaling prompts. Borrowed this one from the library but thinking of buying my own copy. Seems like a good thing to use at multiple points.

[Sarah Pennington · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not divorced, but this book helped me understand the minds of my friends going through divorce and the struggles they might be having.

[Niamh · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐

[JM · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok book, quick when you can actually get yourself to read about your divorce. She makes it funny and digestible. A couple writing prompts embedded within the book some people will find helpful.