dnf
tl;dr I'm never reading anything from this author again because the dog shit she writes is fucking harmful.
Conor is a gross, violent pedophile. Aurnia is 17 years old and is described as a skinny little girl. And what are his follow up thoughts to that description? That he wants to fuck her and is consumed by the sadness in her eyes and wants to see her naked. Again, she's described as beyond skinny, really small and petite, limp dirty looking hair. So he gets turned on by a child in a dark situation where she is clearly not being taken care of and is in need of help and guidance. I mean I'm not even going to get into the gross power imbalance that's at play with her being on parole and needing this internship with him in order to stay out of juvie.
And if that's something you can ignore how about within just 31% of the book there were multiple instances of him being violent with her and physically harming her. At one point she's so scared of the violent "conversation" that they are having that she thinks he might actually punch her. And of course it's all explained away that he's so angry because he's upset for her; that her living situation and his fear for her is why he's slamming tables, breaking glasses, and possibly almost punching her...That's literally text book abuser behavior. Mind you this happens after it is implied that she was about to be sexually assaulted in the trap house she lives at.
"Conor fixed his gaze even more intensely on me as he repeated his words through clenched teeth, “Answer me.” His insistence only made me dig in my heels further. “Nothing has ever happened,” I said.
I jumped when Conor pounded his fists on the table. It made the bottle topple over and spill whiskey over the edge, the teacup clattered in its porcelain saucer, and the empty bowl slid off and shattered on the floor. After the burst of noise it was silent once more.
———————————————
“Watch the floor!” My foot stopped just an inch above the sharp porcelain shards of the bowl. The fact that I had almost cut myself enraged Conor even further.
“Goddammit,” he muttered as his fists shook. “Goddammit, goddammit!”
He was mad enough to punch a brick wall. Hell, if he hadn’t been so worried about me cutting my foot just seconds earlier, I would have thought he was mad enough to punch me. I stared at him in shocked silence as he continued to pace erratically."
Yeah this is an absolute no for me, and should be a no for everyone. This kind of shit that's being labeled a romance literally kills people. It is trash like this that normalizes dangerous patterns of behavior and makes it seems like the abuser is some kind of hero. When in reality he is a pedophilic violent predator. And just because you make a character hot should never detract from the dangerous behaviors they exhibit--because I guarantee that the people who find this swoony would not think it was hot if the man was described as ugly or didn't have the ripped body and tattoos.
Lastly I really want to drive this home (and actually figure out): How are people finding this 30-something year old man who desperately wants to fuck a gangly somewhat emaciated looking child hot????? Tell me how.
Edit: OMGGGGGG so I read a little further just to see how the author was going to explain away this bullshit and I found this:
"I craned my neck to see Aurnia lying on the floor just beside the bed. She had taken a single blanket, the one that had been thrown along the end of my bed, and had arranged it on the floor. The frayed edges she had drawn up as best she could over herself. I could see from the way she shivered that they weren’t enough. I hesitated. The radiator was turned up as high as it would go. There was no solution there. The only answer was to walk inside and pull the big duvet onto her.
I dragged a hand over my face. Even from the threshold of the door I could see the way my sweatshirt had ridden up on her bare legs. The moonlight was cast upon them, upon their smooth flesh. I could make out the underside of her ass, the worn hem of her panties. I looked away quickly. My gaze had already lingered too long. Just like it had when I had happened to glance up from the kitchen counter to see through the tiniest of slits in the bathroom door, the sight of Aurnia just out of the shower. She had looked away immediately, as I should have.
It wasn’t, after all, right that I should gaze upon someone of her age. She had caught me by surprise. Just like she had from the very start. The steam from her long shower had lingered around her body, twisting about her like swatches of silk. Her wet hair fell down her shoulders, catching the light like the feathers of a raven. God, how small she was. And yet I saw, too, that there was a shape hidden beneath those baggy jackets and torn jeans.
She was forbidden fruit. I had already failed once the test of temptation."
How he can sexualize her even during a time where she's in pain physically, emotionally, and mentally? She's at a real low and what does he do? Describes her ass cheeks and her panties, as well as state that he peeped through a crack in the door at her coming out of the shower. How did the author think this was okay?