Tell Me More About That: Solving the Empathy Crisis One Conversation at a Time

by Rob Volpe

It’s time to shape up your empathy muscleFrom the rise in workplace tensions and school bullying to increased anxiety and depression, a lack of empathy is wearing away at the gears of society, grinding us down to the nubs. But all is not lost. Just as physical workouts strengthen your body, there are ways to build up your empathy that will strengthen your relationships, enhance your communication skills, and become a more effective leader. In Tell Me More About That, brand strategist and thought leader Rob Volpe draws on his years of market research, conducting thousands of in-home interviews with everyday people, to illustrate the 5 Steps to Empathy—the actions you can use in everyday interactions to build a strong and reflexive empathy muscle.Through humorous and moving accounts of interactions with folks from every walk of life, Rob recounts how what often began in a stranger’s house as a talk about brands and daily habits could blossom at any minute into a conversation about family, relationships, hopes, and dreams. Though he may have been invited into these homes as a marketing researcher, he left them as an expert on empathy.Along the way, he discovered that there exists a set of common values connecting us all. Strip away the exterior wrapping of blue state/red state, straight/gay, black/white, and we’re all far more similar than we are different. With empathy, we can all learn and understand more than we ever imagined possible. Let the training begin.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Communication, Relationships, Spirituality

367 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 22, 2022

About the author

Rob Volpe is an astute observer of life and a master storyteller who brings empathy and compassion to the human experience. As CEO of Ignite 360, he leads a team of insights, strategy, and creative professionals serving the world’s leading brands across a range of industries.

As a thought leader in the role of empathy in marketing and the workplace, Rob frequently speaks on the topic at conferences, corporations, and college classes. He is a graduate of Syracuse University’s S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications and lives in San Francisco with his husband and three cats.

Reviews

[Becky Clontz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rob Volpe is a masterful storyteller and at times I felt the personal situations he was descibing as viscerally as if I had been sitting in the room with him! I laughed as well as felt uncomfortable, a true sign of engaging stories I will remember as I go. The concepts you will learn in this book will transcend all aspects of your life. If you desire to go into the world and initiate real conversations for friendship, learning, or problem-solving, this book will teach you how to approach your part in these interactions with both parties feeling heard and understood.

[Jaimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent read with personal stories that help readers on the journey to understanding empathy. I like the clear lines between empathy and sympathy explained in the book. The action items and tips to assist oneself in seeing other perspectives are spot on and the positive sentiment of the book is wonderful! Great job Rob Volpe!!

[Serenity Bohon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not an industry book (market research), but it relies heavily on stories from market research interviews and focus groups. Being new to the industry two years ago, I appreciated that aspect. The 5 steps to empathy should be taught in schools and workplaces - they're well-designed, easy to understand, and deeply important. The author's voice comes through perfectly and is a delight.

[Alix F E · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just what is needed this year! An easy, thought-provoking read that is full of personal stories that we can all relate to. The author does not use language to make the reader feel guilty, but instead inspires to make us want to do more. Both of my teenagers are reading this now! Loved it!

[Carmel · Rating 4 out of 5]

DNF at 50%.
I loved the premise of this book, but it felt a little simplistic for what I needed. There are great takeaways: the difference between judging and being judgmental, creating space for empathy, recognizing your own gaps in empathy and learning to fill those holes.
Empathy is a practice, and it takes a lot of creative and independent thinking to get to a place where you’re approaching all situations with an open mind and open heart.
This book starts readers off at square one. It’s a great place to start. It’s packed with engaging stories of the author’s incredible journey and life experiences—just enough to keep the pages turning.
Recommended for readers who need a jump start in empathy training.

[spiacente · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t know a job like his existed, seems like a very interesting job. I enjoyed listening to all the personal stories etc, but I’d say that some things are still a bit fluffy to me, like it’s mentioned a couple times that it’s important to get to know the full picture of the individual and their life story even when he really just needs to know their eating habits, but it’s never really shown how the “fuller picture” contributes directly to his actual work with his clients. Like how did it really help them to understand their eating patterns better and subsequently implement something in response? Maybe I’m too much of a realist (read: economist), but I just felt myself asking that question time and again whenever that point was mentioned in the stories. Another thing I wanted to point out was that maybe the advice is more applicable in western contexts because when I’ve conducted interviews (with asian participants), asking big open questions tend to stump people or discourage them from talking, especially in a group setting. It’s usually better to ask a closed question (e.g., yes/no) before moving on to ask an open question based on the answer. All in all, I would say the book is pretty forgettable to me. The interesting points were the stories and not the takeaways, nothing about the takeaways were really ground breaking to be honest. I will start asking people to tell me more about XXX, but that’s all I think.

[Justin]

The ideas in the book seem good, but I didn't really take the time to understand them as they're wrapped with far too much story to be quickly absorbed.

[Amy Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative and advice I can actually implement.

[Amy Weisbard-bloom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Won this book from Goodreads and I am glad I did! I found it to be a fascinating read that had stories to draw you in and reflections at the end of each chapter to help you further process the information. I also like the 5 step approach to empathy and how real and accessible Rob came across. (And like that he sent a note w the book…moved it ahead of some other books I won). Wish I could now just have a discussion w him about some questions that came up while reading but can’t get everything we want lol.

[Aaron Mikulsky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tell Me More About That: Solving the empathy crisis one conversation at a time by Rob Volpe is a good read. Here are a few nuggets to consider:

Empathy has become a new catchphrase in leadership. The author lays out five steps to empathy: dismantling judgment, asking good questions, actively listening, integration of understanding, and using solution imagination.

Volpe proclaimed that success is determined by the leader’s ability to be efficient in operations and the need to be able to respond to the wants, needs and desires of their customers, employees, and fellow leaders. It’s creating an environment that flourishes. Using empathy and storytelling, you are able to connect with people and understand where they’re coming from. The shortage of empathy skills is determined by a University of Michigan Institute for Social Research study. We all need help building the “empathy muscle.” Getting to know and listen to others is a gift.

Empathy is a powerful tool that requires you to connect with someone and their experience, whereas sympathy results from having feelings for someone and their situation. Judgment pushes us into being more sympathetic then empathizing (truly connecting) with the situation. Dismantling judgment is the hardest step of empathy. Judgment is second nature within society, and we use it as a measure of protecting ourselves, which only sabotages making a true connection.

A good question is one that is open-ended and exploratory.

Without listening, it is impossible to achieve any level of empathy. Using active listening skills make us present in the moment to pick up verbal and non-verbal cues being given to us.

Stepping into someone else’s shoes says, “I can see your point of view; tell me more about that?” It’s now that you have to push back the clouds of judgment.

[Jamie C · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this book out of a contest on here. Initially the cover of the book caught my eye and intrigued me. I have never read a book by Rob Volpe before. This book is divided into 3 parts: When empathy eludes us, Following the 5 steps to empathy, and embracing empathy in everyday life. I liked that real life situations were presented in this book. (brought back some memories for me as well) Mr. Volpe admits during the book that he hasn't always been empathetic but he has learned how to become more empathetic towards people. That was very humbling because it gave me hope that I could have the same outcome. Each chapter has a clip out of someones life and the groups reaction to that person's life is examined. What worked well during that encounter and what didn't and why? Each chapter also concludes with some self reflection questions as well. These questions are thought provoking. He discusses how our preconceived judgements can stand in the way of being empathetic. Most often that is the case in our lives. I have also put these 5 steps into practice in my life. They are easy enough as long as I leave my preconceived judgement at the door.

I would recommend this book to others. It helps us learn to connect and understand people and their situations. I think that this book would be beneficial to anyone working with the public.


I must say....I want to see that unique mirror! Sounds like an impressive work of art!

[T Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has the potential to save humanity.

Devoting an entire book to the subject of empathy seems a bit much on the surface. It is NOT. This is no academic textbook. Through very real, and relatable stories, the author explains the importance of empathy and how critical it is to each human being. These real life, personal stories run the gamut from light, amusing and funny to somewhat sad and even heart wrenching. Each one offers a different perspective on the profound difference we can make in all our relationships when we incorporate empathy into our lives. You will surely resonate with at least one story, perhaps many more. The process is simple, key points are noted, reflective questions are provided which help with understanding and the implementation is quick and easy with immediate results. Read. Do. Enjoy. You’ll notice a difference, and you will like it. It isn’t a be kind to others book, it’s a life altering, here’s the key to what makes life work well book. A must read for all mankind.

[Kerry Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I’ve been doing some corporate training on empathy, so picked up this book to read a little more about the subject.

I like the clear cut, 5 step, model, though none of it is as easy or as linear as that may make it sound. Some parts could have used more examples and fleshing out of how I can use the skills in my day to day life. Sometimes I think the application piece, for me, was a little lost in the author’s specific stories of how it impacted his work. More diversity in stories and application would have been nice, as well as some clear examples or exercises around the questions, and the difference being judging and making a judgment, for example. Some of the impact gets a little lost in the squishy stuff, which kept me from a higher star rating.

I still plan to recommend this deep dive to a couple coworkers I think might be interested.

[Denise Griffitts · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Tell Me More About That: Solving the Empathy Crisis One Conversation at a Time" by Rob Volpe is a game-changer in fostering meaningful connections. Volpe's insights into empathetic communication are invaluable, offering practical strategies for anyone looking to enhance their interpersonal skills.

This book delves into the heart of the empathy crisis we often face in today's fast-paced world, providing not only a diagnosis but, more importantly, a prescription for improvement. Volpe's writing is engaging and accessible, making complex concepts easily applicable to everyday conversations.

What sets this book apart is its emphasis on the power of dialogue. Volpe doesn't just preach empathy; he demonstrates how to implement it effectively through conversations. The real-life examples and actionable tips make it a compelling read for both personal and professional growth.

[ShelbyAnn · Rating 3 out of 5]

*I won Tell Me More About That via a giveaway on Goodreads*

Rob Volpe is a great story teller and I really liked the concept of trying to develop/"exercise the empathy muscle." I, however, believe empathy while it can be worked on and improved; you either have it or you don't. I will take majority of his tips on how to be a better conversationalist.

The book did get a tiny bit too political for me. The idea to try to have empathy for others that think differently than you is great of course. I feel that Rob may have been too judgey about others that don't appear to think like him-which he does talk about working on- but I feel those were judged harshly because they might appear to be in one certain demographic or another.

[Jackie · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at 21% - this is a wild rarity for me to bail so soon

The start of this book was interesting - the author talks about growing up and struggling with relationships and feeling judged and left out.

…and then he jumps to modern day and proceeds to judge harshly and have wildly rude opinions about everyone he comes in contact with. It’s not treated as a brief mention of something that could be judged and going deeper, it’s him really digging in and insulting these folks. That is 100% not for me.

[Kalliste · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I was interested in learning about being more empathetic, I ended up being more interested in the stories Rob had to tell of the unusual work he does.

Rob runs a business Ignite360 that does market research for companies. It involves going to people's house and interviewing them. It can involve things like the volunteers (hopefully they're paid though) making meals for Rob and his clients so they can see how these people live their lives.

He ties these stories to his empathy framework and made it a much more interesting read.

[Tammy Bowman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Shockingly, this book advises dismantling judgement yet includes dozens of pages colorfully recounting the author's unkind judgments of his subjects. They smell. They have dirty houses. They eat sketchy things. Subjects with developmental disabilities make him want to "crawl away."

It almost deserves a trigger warning. Yuk. No.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this one took me a while to finish, that really is the point to get the most out of the book. I thought this was very well written and insightful. Reading in small chunks really helped me digest it and consider my own past choices. The stories within really help to show exactly what Rob Volpe is discussing.

[Kate Puleo Unger · Rating 2 out of 5]

Volpe’s five steps of empathy are good, but the book is so full of stories trying to be examples that it was hard to follow. It’s 95% stories and 5% substance, when it should have been at least 50/50. The format just wasn’t for me. I didn’t get a lot out of it.

[Nathan Hoyt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this and it did help me think about how to converse with others. The stories included were helpful to think about how good responses in conversation helps with much better communication.

[Johnna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw the author at the American Library Association Annual Conference. It's taken me time to read it, because I enjoyed "chewing" on the thoughts and practices. Many I have tried to implement and use in me daily relationships and interactions. Worth the time and effort!

[Jerry Painter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast to read: part confessional, part self-help/educational. Good lessons in empathy. A book to read again in a few months for the reminders.

[Stephen “Shed” Shedletzky · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is great! Engaging, great stories, funny, human, and a powerful and tactical way to grow our empathy muscles. Thank you, Rob, for your leadership and courage to write and share this book.

[Aaron Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read book on a difficult subject to teach to others. Empathy is something I have a difficult time teaching to my students. I think as a nurse I have acquired it over the years. A good read!

[Isabel Mettert · Rating 4 out of 5]

4⭐

[Kristin Drafts · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good fast listen to help you learn to empathize with others and ask the questions that matter.

[Lauren Andersen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this book on audible on 2x! The story telling was great and very insightful. I really enjoyed learning more about empathy and i think the audiobook is a great way to read this. It is narrated by the author as well as many other people that help tell the stories. It really makes it feel interactive.