How to Lose Friends and Influence White People

by Antoinette Lattouf

A guide through the balancing act of activist, advocate and ally, remembering that just because others are learning you don't need to be the teacher, from the dynamic and sharp co-founder of Media Diversity Australia, Antoinette Lattouf.

Poignant, inspiring, funny and most importantly authentic, How to Lose Friends and Influence White People explores how to make a difference when championing change and racial equality.
A powerful and personal guide on how to be effective, no matter who you’re trying to influence. Whether it's the racist relative sitting across the table at a family function, or the CEO blind to the institutional barriers to people of colour in the workplace, award-winning journalist and vivacious leader Antoinette Lattouf has some tips and advice on what to do.
Unlike Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, it won’t advise you not to 'criticise, condemn or complain' but instead explores the fallout when you do just that. With searing insights into the popularity contests you’ll forgo, and how to decide which races are worth running -- and crucially which simply aren’t worth time or energy.
With wit and warmth, drawing on her own experiences and some very public missteps others have taken, Antoinette Lattouf shows us that a world of allies and advocates will be a better place for all of us – you just need to learn how to make (and keep) them!

Genres: Nonfiction, Politics, Australia, Feminism

288 pages, Paperback

Published May 3, 2022

Reviews

[Shari · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an overdue book for Australia. The content, topics, actions are very 101 but given the state of racism in this country, a 101 book is required.

I’ve always been frustrated at the lack of dialogue in this country around these cultural and diversity issues and so this book is very welcome. Particularly being able to draw from Australian specific examples.

I didn’t learn anything new but it’s somewhat comforting to hear those familiar themes and experiences echoed back at you.

The book has more of a focus on the media space given the author this is no surprise and think it is a gentle entry for those new to racial discourse.

[ValTheBookEater]

very comprehensive, easy to follow, and interspersed with personal experiences alongside more mainstream media examples. would be a good text to incorporate into high school curriculums.

interesting read: https://sydneyreviewofbooks.com/revie...

[SASKIA · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seriously, this should be compulsory reading from classroom to the boardroom. I laughed and cried. And learnt

[Ceyrone · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I saw this released, I knew I had to get my hands on it. I think it should be required reading by all and also should be in the classroom. I will be recommending this to students. I think the author does a brilliant job at unpacking the complexities surrounding racism, religion and waves of immigration which are all bundled together in systemic systems of racism. Lattouf offers her own experiences and professional expertise working in Australian media, as well as weaving in the experiences and opinions of other public figures. And she backs up all of her information with data and research. Topics range from media representation, our government, workplace disparities, First Nation peoples, emotional and mental labor of people of color, how to discuss racism with others, and much more. Highly recommend this to everyone, the suggestions are easy to wrap your head around, but not easy in the sense of unlearning biases, practicing and implementing anti-racist ideas, and committing to it. Especially when it involves discussions with family members, friends or colleagues. It goes without saying that this book does not offer a miracle, there is no easy way out when it comes to racism, you have to put in the work to better yourself.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. Probably not a novice / entry-level option for introducing anti racism and CRT ideas but a fantastic challenge / refresher and in many ways a really practical book for white people who strive to be allies or activists for racial justice. Will be confronting for some in its discussions of white fragility and white guilt (one chapter is called 1300-WHYT-HELP hahaha) but absolutely worth gritting teeth through any discomfort to come out the other end challenged, galvanised and - hopefully - improved. Highly recommended.

[Vanessa De · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book I’ve read all year. This book is a perfect balance of clever, thought-provoking, witty, and actionable things to do (and not do!) to build a more inclusive Aussie community and ending racism (intentional and unintentional).
I enjoyed the personal and national stories explaining the experiences of non-white Aussies.
Cannot recommended this book enough!

[Deb Chapman · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. A good read and excellent to see an important contribution to the anti racist work being done around the world. There wasn’t much new for me here but greatly appreciate this voice in Australia

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

Antoinetter Lattouf’s How to Lose Friends and Influence White People is a witty, thought-provoking book that tackles the issue of racism head on. And it’s not an easy topic to deal with, given its complexity. Lattouf is, however, refreshing to read. Her honesty is sometimes confronting, but she adeptly navigates what is often a very fraught terrain.

Lattouf is an experienced journalist and an advocate for diversity. She doesn’t mince her words, throwing down a gauntlet that challenges us to confront some uncomfortable truths about systemic racism. She explores the limitations of “playing nice” when it comes to facing injustice. Lattouf wants us to forget the placating and sugarcoating of the issues. For her, real change needs strategic engagement, even if it means losing a few “friends” along the way.
How to Lose Friends and Influence White People is full of insightful arguments, which Lattouf laces with humour and personal stories from her own experience. She beautifully dismantles the idea of “colorblindness” and exposes the risks associated with tokenism. She also unpacks the power dynamics that are at play in everyday interactions. And there is no shying away from complicated topics like microaggressions and unconscious biases we all have. In addition to exploring all these sorts of topics, Lattouf also offers us practical tools and strategies for assertively finding our way through situations while maintaining an attitude of graciousness towards others.

I found Lattouf’s writing style a breath of fresh air. It’s conversational, engaging, and draws on pop culture to make the topic relatable. She speaks directly to the reader and, by doing so, fosters a feeling of sharing experiences and friendship with her. The book is well-structured and has some intriguing chapter titles: The lucky ledge, Fifty shades of white, Being ‘off-white’ - or the (other) other, and so on. And the content of each chapter is just as interesting. And the book is not all "theoretical.” Every chapter ends with short lists of dos and don’ts to help the reader become an intelligent actor navigating and supporting the pursuit of equality and justice in our communities.

Let’s talk research for a moment. Lattouf doesn’t just preach. She backs what she says with meticulous research, drawing on academic studies, historical accounts, and contemporary news stories. All of this lends credibility to her views and provides us with resources for further exploration.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that How to Lose Friends and Influence White People is entirely groundbreaking. Obviously, other authors have explored similar themes. There is a lot of writing by black feminists and critical race theorists about these issues. But Lattouf’s unique approach, along with her direct and accessible style of writing, makes this book stand out for me. In my view, it’s a valuable addition to the conversation, especially if you’re looking for a practical guide to thinking about and dealing with racial dynamics in your life.

There may be a couple of weaknesses perceived by some readers. The book is generally well-balanced. But, occasionally, the tone may seem a bit confrontational. And some may feel that the focus on influencing white people may neglect the role that other groups could play in helping to dismantle systemic racism. Overall, though, How to Lose Friends and Influence White People is a thought-provoking, well-researched, and engaging read. It’s not a comfortable book. But why would we expect it to be? Dismantling racism isn’t going to be comfortable.

If you’re ready to have your worldview challenged, want to equip yourself with some practical tools, and are ready to join the fight for racial justice, then this book is a must-read. It is particularly relevant for white allies, educators, or anyone who wants to understand and address racial disparities in our communities. It is not going to be a picnic in the park. It’s a call to action. And it’s time to answer the call!

[RekaReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book review of the “Lose friends and influence white people” by Antoinette Lattouf.

There is a few time in a year when a book crosses my path which I cannot stop reading. Antoinette Lattouf‘s book is definitely one of those. As a community engagement professional, this book didn’t just clarify and validated many of my experiences in the community but provided me with new insights and data. I had goosebumps numerous times reading this.

As a white European woman from Eastern Europe, I have a lot to learn. Listening to people of colour, indigenous and marginalised groups is a critical part of my journey.

Lattouf’s book lays out perfectly the facts, to a point where she predicted that the parachuting of Keneally to Fowler would be a huge mistake for the Labor party. She could do this because she knows the community and is backed up by narrative and quantitative data. White people just didn’t listen again.

The book contains many other stories like this, backed with data and personal experiences. It really brings alight all the issues for ethnically diverse communities—the layers of racism, discrimination and white fragility. We have a long way to go.

I would like to thank the author for such an open and no BS book. I acknowledge the impact this might have had on her life and she openly talks about this. I hope people listen. I am very thankful for this book and I would love to see this as being part of our general education.

Some highlights:

- [ ] Issues with data collection about ethnic groups
- [ ] Issues of speaking out against racism
- [ ] Our First Nation peoples and their experiences
- [ ] Mistreatment of certain suburbs in NSW
- [ ] Women’s day events
- [ ] Issues around cultural awareness trainings
- [ ] Panel representation - unpaid

And many many many more.

Again thank you for this great book. I am looking forward to those Tiktok videos!

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Turns out learning and education is a lifelong pursuit.

I highly recommend this book and/or author to all Australians - whether you are in your last years of high school and wanting to label and discuss what’s going on to the elderly wanting to reconnect with ideas and language around racism, racial trauma and history.

If reading the whole book is too big a project, google Antoinette Lattouf’s name and start there (I came across her via The Sydney Writer’s Festival podcasts). Entertaining, engaging and insightful.

Sadly, I fear one reading of this book isn’t enough. I’m going to need to revisit and reread parts.

[Prabin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book cries for it to read by all, it provides strong support towards fair and inclusive society. Section around lateral violence was an eye opener and also was emotional drain that non- white has to go through to prove more and support their worthiness whilst for others it seems walk in the park.

While it would have been better to include more real life examples on sufferings that indigenous people are going through because of unfair treatment at most content do revolve around journalism a lot. There are other day to day issues that if covered would have been great however this shouldn’t undermine the greatness of the content. A great read.

[Eug · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed this. Some repetitive bits, but overall light and humourous to tackle some full on topics. Reading this created a space for me to reflect on my own privilege and see things from diverse perspectives.

[Pauline]

DNF @ 17%

[Amber Hawken · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this one on audio which is beautifully narrated by Antoinette.

Hearing her voice and perspective on Australian-specific examples i’ve lived through was interesting and a reflective experience for me.

Particularly the section on Adam Goodes - I remember that time vividly, with a heavy heart and deep shame at how he was treated by footy fans and the media. The incessant boo-ing he endured for almost 3 football seasons for calling out racism that he personally experienced.

Why and how did we as a community allow that to happen to him? A decorated, 2-time Brownlow medalist and 2-time premiership player! HOW. WHY.
Imagine that happening to Lachie Neale right now - you simply couldn’t. Why would something truly despicable like that happen to Adam and not Lachie? This book challenges you to think about why.

Antoinette’s reflections reminded me that as an ally of First Nations and people of colour, there is still so much advocating to do.

The topics overall weren’t new to me, but Antionette’s perspective deepened my understanding and reminded me about the responsibility we all share in addressing racism.

[Liisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Poignant, powerful, and often unflinchingly honest, this is a timely read that deserves a spot on Australian curricula. Lattouf blends personal narrative, case studies, and wit to offer a deeply practical guide to anti-racism and allyship. As a white, disabled woman, I’ve faced ableism, misogyny and classism—but not racism. That distinction matters, and this book reminded me (again and again) that being an ally isn’t a passive stance.

Lattouf doesn’t sugar-coat the toll of speaking out—especially for women of colour in the public eye—but her message is ultimately hopeful. Change is possible. But it takes work. And discomfort. And a willingness to lose friends in the process.

This isn’t a gentle nudge; it’s a clear-eyed call to action. Essential reading, particularly for white women. We’ve been complicit—and we need to do better.

📚 Recommended for fans of White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo, So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo, and Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge.

[LIAM WALSH · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an immediately arresting and enjoyable read. It's genuinely funny.

She shows, in a challenging yet fun way, how entrenched racism is and how white people, particularly dominate the media.

I squirmed at my own bias, but in a way that was motivating to be better.

It is an excellent read for people wanting to explore personal growth and understand how privilege is pervasive.

[Anastasia Trock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoying reading this book. As an American, I've been keen to read a book about racism by an Australian because, as I still need to remind people, Australia is a different country than the US. And the race issues are different in some ways and same-same in so others. I have a lot to learn.

Antoinette Lattouf does a beautiful job of unpacking the complexities surrounding racism, religion and waves of immigration, which are all bundled up together in systemic systems of racism.

As an American, I'm finding the book really helpful in understanding bits of Australian views that are really quite foreign to my own experience. Brown and Black people, especially Indigenous Australians, are often marginalized. I can't say much personally about their experience except to say that people say shockingly racist things out load. And it's mixed in with this strange Australian 'can't you take a joke' vibe.

One tool I have in my Ally box is my own foreignness. When someone whispers to me, 'he's Lebanese' (another marginalized ethnicity), I draw the person out. When it's clear that I don't share the same gut reaction, the person has to start explaining what they have against Lebanese people. Which is awkward for them and a good experience for everyone, I reckon.

So, I'm reading and learning. Trying to be a better citizen on this far-south part of the world.

[Natalia · Rating 5 out of 5]

An intricate dissection and discussion of racism in Australia. The topics and information is really accessible, and the clearly pointed out solutions should be easily* applicable to anyone’s lives. Lattouf offers her own personal experiences and professional expertise working in media, as well as weaving in other public figures’ insight, experiences, and opinions. She also backs information up with data and research.

Topics range from media representation, our government, workplace disparities, First Nation peoples, emotional and mental labor of people of color, how to discuss racism with others, and much more.

This book holds up a thought provoking mirror, and I hope that every white Australian reads this!

*Easy in the sense that the suggestions are simple enough to wrap your head around, but not easy in the sense of unlearning biases, practicing and implementing anti-racist ideas, and committing to it. Especially when it involves discussions with family members, friends or colleagues. I clarify this so that you don’t expect some easy way out of racism when reading the book.

[John McWhorter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is just what Australia needs. I write this as an older white man who has confronted his own racist attitudes. Racism is like a disease I just picked up along the way. It's not my fault, but once infected, I must take responsibility to dismantle it. This should be required reading for every Dinky-di skippy, especially those who fail to recognise how our institutions advantage us and disadvantage others. Lattouf's blend of personal and the practical really hit a sweet spot. And she's not just shouting and pointing fingers. With grit and tenacity, she owns her own racist attitudes, the effects of those on other groups and she shows by example how to make amends. Buy it for your book group. It'll be a night of conversation you won't forget.

[Natasha Kent · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually attended the lunch for this book in Brisbane and was so excited to read it after hearing Antoinette Lattouf speak. “How to lose friends and influence white people” well and truly exceeded my expectations and I cannot recommend it highly enough!

It was enlightening, thought-provoking, entertaining, confronting, but also so empowering. An absolute must-read that has really opened my eyes to issues surrounding race, facing Indigenous Australians and people of colour, which I’ve been privileged enough to avoid exposure to.

Thanks Antoinette for this incredible and educational piece of work. It’s certainly given me a lot to think about, and I feel so inspired to take action where I can as a result of reading it.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve worked in the space of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion for many years and this particular book has given me such pause for thought in not only my professional approach to inclusion but also who I am and how I approach and advocate for change personally.

Antoinette Lattouf has approached the topic of racism and racial diversity in such a way that has left me confronted, reflective and determined to be better and do better. There are practical examples that anyone can take forward to confront racial diversity in your workplaces and personal circles, and the perspectives and lived experiences incorporated highlight the urgent need to continue to advocate and improve.

[Jim KABLE · Rating 5 out of 5]

Home Truths on Representative Representation in All Aspects of Our Civic and Cultural Life

Brilliant insightful analysis of the effects of racism and assumptions of Anglo-Australians in the way our Multicultural Society - much vaunted at opportunistic moments by those hitherto running the show - but draining us of the potential benefits overall when all of us are at the proverbial table of contributory participation. Brava Antoinette Lattouf and your many supportive Aussies interviewed for this book. An absolute MUST READ book - a brilliant guide on how to engage with or maybe even sideline those whose opinions languish in bigotry and fear of others.

[MJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book and ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! Thank you for sharing your lived experiences and overcoming your own fears to empower so many who are diverse, marginalised and don’t have access to the lucky ledge 🙌🏽 I’m so thankful I was able to not only relate to your experiences but also use them as fuel to continue advocating for so many who call Australia home but don’t fit that Anglo-Celtic mould!

[Michelle Cheng · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed How to Lose Friends and Influence White People! I cackled, learned and was amazed at the clarity and warmth with which you expressed the situations many of us have experienced or observed in the media- and so great that you had practical suggestions for action. I am sure it will have a great impact for years to come.

[Rosemary Taouk · Rating 5 out of 5]

A timely, beautiful, and deeply moving book that will compel you to learn, re-examine your beliefs, and most importantly to act. Antoinette Lattouf is excellent!! So grateful for her voice, example, advocacy, and courage. She is a gift to us all.

[Clare · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished the audiobook this morning and it has been an incredible resource in my work of being anti-racist. So many lightbulb moments! And ways I can be a better ally! Thank you for making me see myself as part of the problem and see how I can be part of the solution.

[Richard Hunter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very well written book with lots of challenging arguments and an abundance of interesting and relevant anecdotes from a range of people. Highly recommended reading for anyone even remotely concerned about racism and prejudice in contemporary Australia.

[Toni C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious, confronting, data rich and empowering. Every Aussie should read this.

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a very honest view of immigrant Australian living.
It made me uncomfortable to read ( in a good way) and I recommend that everyone should read it.

[Kindredcrafters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read and gives the insight needed to be an anti-racism advocate and support activism.