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Purple Stain
A Queer British Welsh Series
Music brought them together… will love tear them apart?
Hayden has reached rock bottom. Plagued by panic attacks and a complicated family situation, nothing seems to be going right for him. The only thing that lets him feel good about himself is making music – and it’s music that brings Andy into his life.
On the surface, Andy has it all – but inside is hurting from the shock of a bad break-up. Though he certainly isn’t looking for love, when he meets the devastatingly handsome Hayden, it seems like love might have found him.
The pair bond over their shared passions, and form a fast friendship, which soon becomes something more. There’s just one problem – Hayden has never dated a guy before, and never thought he wanted to before Andy.
As they redraw the boundaries of their fast-growing relationship, and learn to navigate the world together after being alone, Andy and Hayden’s connection deepens and burns brighter than ever.
But the path of true love never did run smooth, and as Hayden’s past comes to haunt him, the couple must face their biggest challenge yet – one that could destroy what they’ve worked so hard to build together…
Music brought them together… will love tear them apart?
Hayden has reached rock bottom. Plagued by panic attacks and a complicated family situation, nothing seems to be going right for him. The only thing that lets him feel good about himself is making music – and it’s music that brings Andy into his life.
On the surface, Andy has it all – but inside is hurting from the shock of a bad break-up. Though he certainly isn’t looking for love, when he meets the devastatingly handsome Hayden, it seems like love might have found him.
The pair bond over their shared passions, and form a fast friendship, which soon becomes something more. There’s just one problem – Hayden has never dated a guy before, and never thought he wanted to before Andy.
As they redraw the boundaries of their fast-growing relationship, and learn to navigate the world together after being alone, Andy and Hayden’s connection deepens and burns brighter than ever.
But the path of true love never did run smooth, and as Hayden’s past comes to haunt him, the couple must face their biggest challenge yet – one that could destroy what they’ve worked so hard to build together…
326 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 26, 2022
41 people are currently reading
342 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
May 7, 2022
I really enjoyed it, I got hooked from the beginning. One MC suffers from anxiety and tries to hide his weaknesses by being with many girls. Then by chance he found Andy, a sweet and loving man, and then chemistry explodes.the plot is original and the writing really good
July 2, 2022
“You, who have been free falling into empty space, deep down a cave of blackness. You have cried and thought that there is no end – that this pain will spiral forever. Look up.”
I stayed up til 4 a.m. to finish this book. I was so invested into Hayden and Andy's story that I couldn't put the book down, I HAD TO see them getting a happy ending.
"Purple Stain" follows two boys named Hayden and Andy who bond over Music. Even at the first the day they met, both of them could feel the connection spiraling between them. For Andy, it was crush (or something more) at the first sight. And boy! Was he crushing hard on Hayden. Hayden gave him the recognition, the appreciation, the love he always craved. On the other hand, Hayden, who's dealing with anxiety and frequent panic attacks, Andy became the first friend he made in a long time. Andy understood him; he never took Hayden to be a walking disaster. And their chemistry - it's peerless and undeniable. So, what if Andy was the first man he wanted? As long as Andy felt the same, everything was going to be okay. Right?
Music brought them together… will love tear them apart?
I loved the Anxiety representation. Hayden's frequent panic attacks felt so real. The situations and his reactions to those were absolutely authentic. I found the representation to the point. I myself, often get panic attacks. Though they aren't as iterative as Hayden's but I guess it's cool for me to say -The rep was perfect. I loved the romance too. It was so cute and sweet. To my utter surprise, it turned smutty and hot really quick. I don't know why but I wasn't expecting so many sex scenes. However The sex scenes never felt awkward. I personally really enjoyed reading them. I loved the writing style too. The author infused the dialogue with authentic Welsh accent and slangs. It was pretty incredible.
What I didn't like was the supposedly 'suspenseful' subplot. It was unnecessary and disrupted the pacing of the story. And the final revelation? It was weak. I was really disappointed with the turn it took. The twist towards the end didn't do anything to upgrade the quality of book, instead I feel it ruined some of the good parts for me. The author paid a little too much attention to Hayden's family issues. The result was flimsy and scrappy characterization.
Moreover, I personally thought the ending was abrupt. It was unsatisfying and left me craving the more. I wished we got to spend more time with Hayden and Andy instead of roaming about on the streets to figure out the mysterious events. The romance should have received more spotlight. And I really really wish there was an Epilogue. I needed an Epilogue. Damn it!
Read
May 8, 2022Welsh slang and authentic dialogue evoke the setting really well.
Genuine characters
Music references for days
Original and adorable meet cute
Insta-connection but one of the MCs is ‘straight’ so things still take a tiny bit of time to develop.
Time jumps back and forth can be a little confusing but not hard to follow. Italics might have helped for those sections or time headers in those spots.
Check TWs!
Genuine characters
Music references for days
Original and adorable meet cute
Insta-connection but one of the MCs is ‘straight’ so things still take a tiny bit of time to develop.
Time jumps back and forth can be a little confusing but not hard to follow. Italics might have helped for those sections or time headers in those spots.
Check TWs!
May 8, 2022
Fantastic Debut!! This is one of those books you get high on; it was blissful from start to end with lovely MCs, amazing secondary characters, and a sweet and tender love story full of passion. I'm so excited for this series.
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May 20, 2022I’ve been putting off writing this review because… *cringe* yikes… *cringe* I have a lot to say and don’t actually want to say it. I expected to enjoy Purple Stain and really wanted to but unfortunately it missed hard for me. To be fair though, it will work for a lot of readers and most likely many of my GR friends, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.
The story starts out strong enough, Hayden and Andy meet and have an instant connection and what I felt was a believable friendship chemistry. You know how with some friendships, the chemistry is just there immediately, you just know this person is on the same wavelength as you? I believed it with Hayden and Andy and I was feeling it. It was working for me and made sense. But then, within days, it goes from friendship to scorching hot sex to all consuming ‘love’ where neither Hayden nor Andy can stand to be away from the other for long. I’m talking hours, minutes even, before they’re in a weird red flaggy kind of ‘withdrawal’ and NEED to see each other again. For me, this was the first real noticeable screech of the brakes.
Once we get to that point, the story started falling apart for me. It had 2 moods, intense lows/panic attacks followed by epic highs/copious amounts of the most incredible sex ever riddled with the sappiest of sappy romantic gushing before fucking, during fucking and after fucking. With barely anything of substance in between. The story ping pongs between overwhelming panic attacks and overwhelming sex with over the top, ridiculously corny, unbelievably sappy internal thoughts and dialog over and over again. That’s it, that’s the story.
As for character development, there’s not much to Andy. He’s incredibly sweet and incredibly understanding and supportive. He’s also a little insecure, but the insecurity never lasts more than a few seconds. He has the insecure thoughts, they start shagging again and he gets over it until someone mentions what an emotionally stunted but smooth talking sex god Hayden is and then the cycle starts again but since Hayden and Andy can’t stand to be apart, the insecure times are few and far between and are nearly instantaneously reconciled. I liked Andy but he kind of felt like a flat cardboard cutout to me, good in concept but lacking true nuance and depth.
Hayden though… he’s a muscle laden, iron pumping (so we’re told but never actually witness because he’s perpetually in the midst of a panic attack or sucking, fucking and ass eating Andy) sex god with a giant wang that he wields with the greatest of ease and skill with countless women and equally amazing skill with Andy from the moment they first touch, never mind he’s never been with a man before. Moreover, when he’s not in the midst of a panic attack, he’s also the most romantic, smooth talking, sappier than sappy, cornier than corny, maple syrup fountain gushing all over Andy. Don’t get me wrong, I have a serious sweet tooth, I can happily devour cake with the thickest of buttercream frosting, pies, candy, decadent chocolate, you name it but even I will get sick to my stomach if I eat them all at once. And that’s how this story felt - like eating ALL the cake and ALL candy then being sucker punched right in the already bloated and aching gut with an overwhelming panic attack. [See my Status Updates for some of the saccharine sweet, corniness.]
The cherry on top of all that is that early in the story Hayden admits he uses sex as an escape from his psychological issues so as far as I’m concerned, Andy was right to feel insecure and hesitant. No matter that we had Hayden’s internal thoughts, even I was questioning how healthy their dynamic was. It felt like Hayden was using sex as an escape and like his unrealistic and ridiculous, over the top ‘romantic’ gushing was overcompensating for his PTSD and emotional issues.
It was not a good combo. At least not for me. That said, I recognize that this combo will work for a ton of readers. The sex was so frequent and prevalent it felt like erotica at times but then we’d get this dark, angsty psych stuff. Add the overwhelmingly and unbelievably sappy thoughts and dialogue, and my brain was melting. I wanted to quit but also wanted to know what was going on with Hayden’s psych stuff as well as with his mother’s psych stuff. Though I actually kind of liked the resolution to the ‘mystery’ and my questions, in the end it was not worth pushing through. Neither Hayden nor his mother actually address their PTSD or their core psych issues. They make a discovery and suddenly all is good.
Unfortunately there’s more… *sigh*
There’s this exchange…
‘The shorter guy must be the girl. Hello fairies!’ The comment, loud, clear and deliberate, split the air like the crash of a glass shattering on the ground.
I went to cross the open door, determined to ignore it, but Hayden stiffened next to me. He fixed his gaze on the table of students and onto the wide eyes of the chubby, obviously tipsy girl who had spoken.
He let go of my hand and wheeled around, faster and scarier than a black storm. ‘What the fuck did you just say you fat cunt?’ he hissed.
The girl’s face blanched. ‘I-I’m sorry!’
Hayden heaved, his face a mask of ire. ‘Mind your own fucking business! Go and shove another chip in you gob, you fuckin’ whale!’ he said venomously.
So, we’re supposed to be ok with misogyny and body shaming because the girl is homophobic? Is that how it works? I guess to me, if you’re advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, support and acceptance but you’re ok with and implicitly condone misogyny and body shaming, I have to wonder how good of an ally you actually are. It says a lot to me about an author when they show these colors. It says a lot about Hayden too. He’s supposedly this really great guy who is sweet to his family, friends, girlfriends and Andy but he absolutely goes off his nut over this? YEAH, I’m here for calling out the homophobic slurs, but not like this, not by being as bigoted and problematic as the original bigot but just in another way. This is not the world I want to live in. I’m not good with the idea that because you’re part of one marginalized community that you get a pass to be hateful, violent and bigoted to other marginalized communities. Fuck that noise. It screams cis white male privilege and toxic masculinity and I’m not here for it. At all.
So um yeah… for me it was an unfortunate mess. Aside from Hayden’s violent body shaming misogynistic outburst, I could have laughed this one off as a ‘it just didn’t work for me’ book, but damn, it’s hard to laugh with such a bad taste in my mouth.
The story starts out strong enough, Hayden and Andy meet and have an instant connection and what I felt was a believable friendship chemistry. You know how with some friendships, the chemistry is just there immediately, you just know this person is on the same wavelength as you? I believed it with Hayden and Andy and I was feeling it. It was working for me and made sense. But then, within days, it goes from friendship to scorching hot sex to all consuming ‘love’ where neither Hayden nor Andy can stand to be away from the other for long. I’m talking hours, minutes even, before they’re in a weird red flaggy kind of ‘withdrawal’ and NEED to see each other again. For me, this was the first real noticeable screech of the brakes.
Once we get to that point, the story started falling apart for me. It had 2 moods, intense lows/panic attacks followed by epic highs/copious amounts of the most incredible sex ever riddled with the sappiest of sappy romantic gushing before fucking, during fucking and after fucking. With barely anything of substance in between. The story ping pongs between overwhelming panic attacks and overwhelming sex with over the top, ridiculously corny, unbelievably sappy internal thoughts and dialog over and over again. That’s it, that’s the story.
As for character development, there’s not much to Andy. He’s incredibly sweet and incredibly understanding and supportive. He’s also a little insecure, but the insecurity never lasts more than a few seconds. He has the insecure thoughts, they start shagging again and he gets over it until someone mentions what an emotionally stunted but smooth talking sex god Hayden is and then the cycle starts again but since Hayden and Andy can’t stand to be apart, the insecure times are few and far between and are nearly instantaneously reconciled. I liked Andy but he kind of felt like a flat cardboard cutout to me, good in concept but lacking true nuance and depth.
Hayden though… he’s a muscle laden, iron pumping (so we’re told but never actually witness because he’s perpetually in the midst of a panic attack or sucking, fucking and ass eating Andy) sex god with a giant wang that he wields with the greatest of ease and skill with countless women and equally amazing skill with Andy from the moment they first touch, never mind he’s never been with a man before. Moreover, when he’s not in the midst of a panic attack, he’s also the most romantic, smooth talking, sappier than sappy, cornier than corny, maple syrup fountain gushing all over Andy. Don’t get me wrong, I have a serious sweet tooth, I can happily devour cake with the thickest of buttercream frosting, pies, candy, decadent chocolate, you name it but even I will get sick to my stomach if I eat them all at once. And that’s how this story felt - like eating ALL the cake and ALL candy then being sucker punched right in the already bloated and aching gut with an overwhelming panic attack. [See my Status Updates for some of the saccharine sweet, corniness.]
The cherry on top of all that is that early in the story Hayden admits he uses sex as an escape from his psychological issues so as far as I’m concerned, Andy was right to feel insecure and hesitant. No matter that we had Hayden’s internal thoughts, even I was questioning how healthy their dynamic was. It felt like Hayden was using sex as an escape and like his unrealistic and ridiculous, over the top ‘romantic’ gushing was overcompensating for his PTSD and emotional issues.
It was not a good combo. At least not for me. That said, I recognize that this combo will work for a ton of readers. The sex was so frequent and prevalent it felt like erotica at times but then we’d get this dark, angsty psych stuff. Add the overwhelmingly and unbelievably sappy thoughts and dialogue, and my brain was melting. I wanted to quit but also wanted to know what was going on with Hayden’s psych stuff as well as with his mother’s psych stuff. Though I actually kind of liked the resolution to the ‘mystery’ and my questions, in the end it was not worth pushing through. Neither Hayden nor his mother actually address their PTSD or their core psych issues. They make a discovery and suddenly all is good.
Unfortunately there’s more… *sigh*
There’s this exchange…
‘The shorter guy must be the girl. Hello fairies!’ The comment, loud, clear and deliberate, split the air like the crash of a glass shattering on the ground.
I went to cross the open door, determined to ignore it, but Hayden stiffened next to me. He fixed his gaze on the table of students and onto the wide eyes of the chubby, obviously tipsy girl who had spoken.
He let go of my hand and wheeled around, faster and scarier than a black storm. ‘What the fuck did you just say you fat cunt?’ he hissed.
The girl’s face blanched. ‘I-I’m sorry!’
Hayden heaved, his face a mask of ire. ‘Mind your own fucking business! Go and shove another chip in you gob, you fuckin’ whale!’ he said venomously.
So, we’re supposed to be ok with misogyny and body shaming because the girl is homophobic? Is that how it works? I guess to me, if you’re advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, support and acceptance but you’re ok with and implicitly condone misogyny and body shaming, I have to wonder how good of an ally you actually are. It says a lot to me about an author when they show these colors. It says a lot about Hayden too. He’s supposedly this really great guy who is sweet to his family, friends, girlfriends and Andy but he absolutely goes off his nut over this? YEAH, I’m here for calling out the homophobic slurs, but not like this, not by being as bigoted and problematic as the original bigot but just in another way. This is not the world I want to live in. I’m not good with the idea that because you’re part of one marginalized community that you get a pass to be hateful, violent and bigoted to other marginalized communities. Fuck that noise. It screams cis white male privilege and toxic masculinity and I’m not here for it. At all.
So um yeah… for me it was an unfortunate mess. Aside from Hayden’s violent body shaming misogynistic outburst, I could have laughed this one off as a ‘it just didn’t work for me’ book, but damn, it’s hard to laugh with such a bad taste in my mouth.
April 23, 2022
Wow, what a fantastic debut novel. 5 bright stars!
This is an insta-connection, fast love book, but it’s somewhat dark and realistic, which balances it out, keeping it from being light and fluffy, while also preventing it from dragging you under. It’s a perfect balance and keeps you engrossed in their story. And though their relationship comes on quickly, it is still tested and earned.
As they battle their pasts and Hayden’s panic attacks, their music brings them together. Giving them a shared ground from which to connect, and reconnect along the way.
There is a lot of steam (which, yay), they are young and still energetic after all, but also it felt like it had a purpose to the story and plot.
I should also say, I love UK writing, and there’s definitely no denying this is set in Wales! (I had to google a few slang words along the way, LOL).
Can’t wait for the rest of this series.
This is an insta-connection, fast love book, but it’s somewhat dark and realistic, which balances it out, keeping it from being light and fluffy, while also preventing it from dragging you under. It’s a perfect balance and keeps you engrossed in their story. And though their relationship comes on quickly, it is still tested and earned.
As they battle their pasts and Hayden’s panic attacks, their music brings them together. Giving them a shared ground from which to connect, and reconnect along the way.
There is a lot of steam (which, yay), they are young and still energetic after all, but also it felt like it had a purpose to the story and plot.
I should also say, I love UK writing, and there’s definitely no denying this is set in Wales! (I had to google a few slang words along the way, LOL).
Can’t wait for the rest of this series.
April 25, 2022
This isn't going to be a specific in depth review or anything, more just a list of what I actively liked and disliked about the book.
What I liked:
Andy:
I don't really think he had much of a plot line, or a story in this book, but not every character does. And even though this book did go between Hayden and Andy's povs, the book was definitely Hayden's story. That being said, Andy was so sweet throughout. He's one of those characters that just seems like a nice person that you'd like to spend time with. He's also that character that falls in love far too quickly, which I think is something a lot of people can easily relate to.
Location and setting:
This book was set in and around Cardiff. I've never been to Cardiff, nor have I ever even been to Wales, but this book drops in lots of specific locations and makes use of a lot of regional slang which is something I really wish more books did. It's the kind of thing that lets you get submerged in the setting even deeper (even if I did have to look up a few words.)
What I was neutral on:
Hayden:
So like I mentioned in the Andy paragraph. While this book was dual pov, it was definitely Hayden's story. The book mentions (I'm pretty sure within the first couple of chapters) that Hayden deals with a major anxiety disorder - to the point he can barely go to public places. I'm not criticising the choice to make him have mental health problems, I actually think it was a good choice as it made him more relatable. My issue came with how his anxiety was handled. There were points where it felt (to me, personally) like his anxiety only ever came up when it was convenient for the plot. Another bit about Hayden that seemed downright unrealistic was just how quickly he accepted the fact he was in fact queer. The journey of his sexuality has a whole one paragraph in the book, and that's it. And that just isn't realistic to me. Yes, some people accept their sexuality quicker than others, but not with the speed that Hayden accepted his. So out of the two main characters, I definitely liked Andy more than I did Hayden.
The sex scenes:
There was plenty of sex in this book, if it's the kind of thing you're looking for (there was 40 pages of straight up sex at one point). I appreciated just how varied it was. I know that sounds a little weird, but I have reads romance books in the past where the sex scenes all read the exact same. But as for why this is in the neutral category... Some of the word choices in the sex scenes were downright unsexy. There were definitely a few points that read as "someone who doesn't know about gay sex has googled 'mechanics of gay sex' and implemented the results into the book".
What I didn't like:
Dialogue:
A lot of the dialogue in this book didn't feel real. I mean this in the way that it felt like dialogue that someone had written so that the characters can move the plot along instead of a real and natural conversation.
The ending:
I definitely agree with that other review about how the ending was rushed, since it absolutely was. It was one of those endings that almost felt like the author realised they were close to the end of the book, so wanted to hurry to the end so they could say they finished writing it.
Both Hayden and his mother deal with their respective mental health issues. That on its own is fine. My problem with the ending was that neither of the characters' mental health issues were dealt with, or even addressed at the end of the book. I'm not saying that Hayden and his mother's mental health needed to be sorted out by the end of the book (especially not in a romance book), but the book just didn't even address it. It was sort of just swept under the rug so that Hayden and Andy could have one final sweet moment. The ending just felt a little bit hollow to me. Also, the "twist" or reveal at the end had me rolling my eyes.
Overall: I'm torn. This book definitely has its good points, and there definitely are things that Nat excels in. But there's also many many areas they can improve in.
What I liked:
Andy:
I don't really think he had much of a plot line, or a story in this book, but not every character does. And even though this book did go between Hayden and Andy's povs, the book was definitely Hayden's story. That being said, Andy was so sweet throughout. He's one of those characters that just seems like a nice person that you'd like to spend time with. He's also that character that falls in love far too quickly, which I think is something a lot of people can easily relate to.
Location and setting:
This book was set in and around Cardiff. I've never been to Cardiff, nor have I ever even been to Wales, but this book drops in lots of specific locations and makes use of a lot of regional slang which is something I really wish more books did. It's the kind of thing that lets you get submerged in the setting even deeper (even if I did have to look up a few words.)
What I was neutral on:
Hayden:
So like I mentioned in the Andy paragraph. While this book was dual pov, it was definitely Hayden's story. The book mentions (I'm pretty sure within the first couple of chapters) that Hayden deals with a major anxiety disorder - to the point he can barely go to public places. I'm not criticising the choice to make him have mental health problems, I actually think it was a good choice as it made him more relatable. My issue came with how his anxiety was handled. There were points where it felt (to me, personally) like his anxiety only ever came up when it was convenient for the plot. Another bit about Hayden that seemed downright unrealistic was just how quickly he accepted the fact he was in fact queer. The journey of his sexuality has a whole one paragraph in the book, and that's it. And that just isn't realistic to me. Yes, some people accept their sexuality quicker than others, but not with the speed that Hayden accepted his. So out of the two main characters, I definitely liked Andy more than I did Hayden.
The sex scenes:
There was plenty of sex in this book, if it's the kind of thing you're looking for (there was 40 pages of straight up sex at one point). I appreciated just how varied it was. I know that sounds a little weird, but I have reads romance books in the past where the sex scenes all read the exact same. But as for why this is in the neutral category... Some of the word choices in the sex scenes were downright unsexy. There were definitely a few points that read as "someone who doesn't know about gay sex has googled 'mechanics of gay sex' and implemented the results into the book".
What I didn't like:
Dialogue:
A lot of the dialogue in this book didn't feel real. I mean this in the way that it felt like dialogue that someone had written so that the characters can move the plot along instead of a real and natural conversation.
The ending:
I definitely agree with that other review about how the ending was rushed, since it absolutely was. It was one of those endings that almost felt like the author realised they were close to the end of the book, so wanted to hurry to the end so they could say they finished writing it.
Both Hayden and his mother deal with their respective mental health issues. That on its own is fine. My problem with the ending was that neither of the characters' mental health issues were dealt with, or even addressed at the end of the book. I'm not saying that Hayden and his mother's mental health needed to be sorted out by the end of the book (especially not in a romance book), but the book just didn't even address it. It was sort of just swept under the rug so that Hayden and Andy could have one final sweet moment. The ending just felt a little bit hollow to me. Also, the "twist" or reveal at the end had me rolling my eyes.
Overall: I'm torn. This book definitely has its good points, and there definitely are things that Nat excels in. But there's also many many areas they can improve in.
July 29, 2022
Thank you to Nat Lewis for sending me an ARC copy of her debut MM romance, Purple Stain.
I really enjoyed getting to know Hayden and Andy. These guys stole my heart at the very beginning of the book.
Hayden has a love 'em and leave 'em reputation with women. Little do they know that he suffers from crippling anxiety as well as family issues. He uses sex as an out, but his love for making music is what makes him happy. Andy seems like he's got it all figured out, but inside he's still grieving over a bad breakup. The guys meet by what I feel like is fate. And they become friends through both their love of music. Hayden has never really acted on his attraction to other guys, but there is something about Andy that he is drawn to. And he's beautiful. So he goes for it.
The relationship between the two guys is fast, but I thought it was done well. The story focuses more on Hayden and Andy's relationship, but all the background stories were woven in very nicely. And there was lots of steamy sexy times ;)
I really enjoyed getting to know Hayden and Andy. These guys stole my heart at the very beginning of the book.
Hayden has a love 'em and leave 'em reputation with women. Little do they know that he suffers from crippling anxiety as well as family issues. He uses sex as an out, but his love for making music is what makes him happy. Andy seems like he's got it all figured out, but inside he's still grieving over a bad breakup. The guys meet by what I feel like is fate. And they become friends through both their love of music. Hayden has never really acted on his attraction to other guys, but there is something about Andy that he is drawn to. And he's beautiful. So he goes for it.
The relationship between the two guys is fast, but I thought it was done well. The story focuses more on Hayden and Andy's relationship, but all the background stories were woven in very nicely. And there was lots of steamy sexy times ;)
May 6, 2022
Reviewed for Divine Magazine
Purple Stain (Cardiff Rainbow, 01)
by Nat Lewis
★★★☆☆
324 Pages
1st person, dual character POV
Themes: anxiety, mental health, bi-awakening, first love, insta-love
Triggers: anxiety, mental health, historic off-page death of a family member by cancer, PTSD, history of parental abuse, religious family, homophobia, mentions of gaslighting and child abuse by parent
Genre: Contemporary, LGBT, MM Romance, Musician, First Love
~
This is a hard one to review. I have so many mixed feelings about this book, that I'm not really sure where to start.
Did I enjoy it? Yes, overall, I did.
Was it perfect? No.
Would I read it again? Possibly.
Would I read the next in the series, or another book by the author? Yes, undoubtedly.
For one, this is a REALLY good debut novel. The writing was clear, if not entirely consistent, and I feel the author told the story they wanted to tell.
Normally, I get obsessed with a book I'm reading, and can't wait to pick it back up again. For some reason, I never really thought about it this one when it wasn't in my hand. While I was reading, I could zoom through chapters and pages without a problem, but, when I had to put it away – to sleep, eat, or family time – it never crossed my mind. I guess there was an emotional disconnect somewhere, even though I enjoyed the book as I was reading. I just didn't LOVE it enough to obsess over it.
PACING
The pacing was a little unbalanced. Sometimes, the story moved too fast past things I wanted to know more about – like Andy's life, not explaining some things until much later in the story so it could focus on their relationship – while slowing down to show too much of things I didn't really need, like the mountainous pages of detailed sex. It never really found a comfortable middle ground.
Examples: not explaining Hayden's mother's condition until late on, mentioning an inside joke but waiting until the next chapter to explain it, using flashbacks. Using hindsight to explore unnecessary moments, and spending more time on sex and flirting than character depth.
Thankfully, pacing and flow improved after Andy began his own POV. Until this point, I actually considered not finishing, and might have given up if it wasn't a review book, but I'm glad I continued. Before Andy's POV's, Hayden was too much like a 17-18 year old douchebag, manwhore, who sadly reminded me of guys I went to school with. But, once Andy's POV started, he really improved and his personality shone through much clearer. Andy brought out the real, serious but laidback version of Hayden that was sorely needed to offset the arrogance of his personality before Andy came along.
CHARACTERISATION
Again, this felt unbalanced. With the story being 90% about Hayden, Andy's characterisation really suffered. There was so much hinted about him that I wanted to know about, and I never got it. I wanted to know about the (hinted at, but never talked about) historic homophobic attack and anxiety episodes in Andy's past, but other than secondary characters briefly mentioning them in passing, it was as if we were supposed to already know all about that, or just not care, because Hayden was more important.
I love dual POV, and while I'm not normally a fan of 1st person, it didn't bother me. However, while the dual POV *seems* evenly split between Hayden and Andy, I really feel like Andy was less of a main character than a plot tool. Andy's only real purpose in the novel is to be Hayden's boyfriend, his strength, his support, and a sex tool. He has NO depth, no real back story, no history that is ever explored, and it was so much wasted potential.
I LOVED Andy, as a character. I just wish he'd been better explored. He feels so one-dimensional, because all he ever does is moon over Hayden, sleep with Hayden, and support Hayden. He has no LIFE of his own to live, with the sole exception of one or two short meetings with his friend Tai.
Sadly, it was like Andy just didn't exist until Hayden was sharing his time.
In contrast, I didn't buy Hayden's instant-gay insta-love storyline. It made no sense – and was SERIOUSLY unrealistic – that a man who had only ever “secretly” been attracted to men, and only ever been intimate with women, would be SO eager to explore a new, gay relationship. While some eagerness to explore the new might make sense, his almost obsessive need to rim another man for the very first time, to think about being the bottom after only 2 days of a gay crush, was excessive.
Initially, I was pleased that when Hayden began talking about his crush on Andy, it wasn't something completely out of the blue, for him. However, while it mentions that he's been attracted to men before and never acted on it, pushing the idea aside, it would have been much better to actually SEE that, on page. Maybe even before he met Andy. That would really have helped resolve the whole straight-to-gay feeling, when Hayden began his crush on Andy, because it was entirely new and unexpected.
Again, I was relieved that Andy challenged that, especially before they progressed into more than friends, but it was all so sudden, and it suddenly became this HUGE plot point for Andy. It soon became the only thing he thought about, outside of sex. Whether Hayden was using him as therapy, and for sex, or whether the relationship was real. It was a shame that their good communication, while friends, filtered out and became non-existent after they started dating. This was a great opportunity to discuss bisexuality, to have Hayden explore his sexuality, and for Andy to really open up ore about his past, but it was missed. It just sort of felt like Hayden went from straight manwhore, to gay boyfriend with no transition.
I'm also a bit disappointed by Andy's senseless claim that his ex cheating on him has made him “biphobic”. That makes no sense, in the context or with Andy's character. But, because he's so vaguely explored, that biphoic fear is never challenged again, so I don't understand why it was even mentioned, in the first place.
It was also a bit disappointing that their great communication and the breakdown of it, was used as a plot point to end the book on a rather sudden note. Instead of working through problems, they let them build up by not talking, then it all burst out in an unrealistic, public love-in.
REFERENCES
There are a lot of unexplained references throughout the novel. From T-shirt designs I didn't follow/understand, to musical references, there was a lot left unexplained, for those of us not familiar. I am not familiar with synch music, or anything to do with music production, so I felt lost, as a lot of the musical chat went way over my head.
I'm also not a fan of the Rolling Stones, so I had NO idea what the title meant. I presumed I would learn the relevance of the title while reading the book, but that never happened. I ended up Googling it, and – honestly? – I can't understand the decision. Considering it references the mix of fluids of having sex with a girl on her period (WHY??), I don't really see how it could suit anything but an MF story. I still have no idea what the author was referring to, if I've got the wrong end of the stick, or what relevance it has to the story, which is sad. Learning the meaning of the title is one of my favourite parts of a book, and this one let me down.
There is ONE moment, when Hayden thinks about how he used to just have “pink” in his spectrum, and now there was “blue” because of Andy, (see my Quote at the end) and he murmurs “purple”... While this might seem like a relation to the title, it doesn't *feel* like it, at the time. Maybe if the title has been a little different, and there hadn't been that joke about the use of the title Purple Stain as a song title, it might have worked, but it just feels random and unrelated.
THE SEX
If you're a fan of LONG pages of detailed sex scenes, you'll love this book. Me? I'm not a fan of unnecessary sex in books, especially when it comes at the cost of other, more important, things. For me, I could easily have seen this work as an AMAZING YA/NA novel, focusing more on Hayden's journey of recovery, Andy's search for a serious, lasting relationship, and how they found each other. If you removed all the sex – and there's a total of about 40 odd pages here, if not more (I stopped counting, after a while) – those pages could have been spent exploring Andy with some real, honest depth, of the kind Hayden was given.
I wanted to see Hayden in therapy, getting help for his anxiety. I wanted to see Andy's friends and family circle, how he functioned in his daily life. I wanted to see Andy exploring and confronting his past. I wanted to see him confess his past of anxiety and panic attacks to Hayden – who ends the book NEVER knowing about it – and sharing that pain and journey.
Without the sex, I could have had all of that. But, from page 1, Hayden was a horndog. By page 3, he was having sex with a girl. By page 76, he was kissing Andy. By page 81, they were having sex. After that, it was almost an every chapter occurrence. If they weren't having long, detailed sex, then Hayden was having long, detailed fantasies about it. Nearly all of his chapters had these moments, while Andy's chapters were far less, but still prominent.
It felt like a wasted opportunity. We didn't need 16 pages of one sex scene, 2 pages of a sex fantasy, then another 10 pages of sex later on. It was SO MUCH, full-on, ALL the time. And, it actually got a bit exhausting to read. Like, I get it, Hayden is a sex addict, without anyone actually seriously admitting it's the unhealthy way he deals with his problems. And when someone does mention it, it's dismissed, ignored and NEVER confronted seriously.
I'm not a huge fan of pushing boundaries in non-kink specific books, as it typically hits you across the face, unexpected and often unnecessary. That happened here, with a few awkward and uncomfortable situations, e.g. Hayden giving head while Andy is on the phone to his mother! It feels unnecessary and illogical, taking me completely out of the story for no real reason other than to push the boundaries of their sexual relationship. Honestly? I felt like at least 2 of the huge sex scenes that took double-digit pages weren't needed. They didn't add anything special to the story, they didn't progress the emotional relationship or their connection/chemistry. It just didn't add enough to justify those pages, for me.
LANGUAGE
I really struggled to envision Hayden and Andy as 23-24 year olds. From the way they acted, the way they spoke, and the way they behaved (outside of sex), they came across more as horny teenagers, who were falling into a head-long crush for the first time. I could have believed it more, if they'd been 18-19. That's not a lot of years difference, but it would be just enough to explain away their immaturity.
The language style itself also feels out of touch with the age range of the characters. There are times when it drifts into purple prose, and we get someone like Andy – 23, young and in college – saying “libidinous body”, or Hayden – 24, a manwhore, who uses slang all the time – saying “lest I”. It just doesn't feel authentic.
I'm not Welsh, I'm Scottish, so I had a bit of trouble adapting to the accent. It felt like overkill, sometimes. Like we were being forced to remember their accent even when it didn't feel natural to the dialogue or the right placement or the right time.
There is NO translation of an entire conversation in Welsh, despite one line at the end of the book being translated. The conversation felt important, and was a nice moment between Hayden and his brother, once I asked Google to provide a translation. I'm just baffled as to why it wasn't included.
I'm NOT a fan of writing out accents, at the best of times, but when it was so randomly done, and only for 1-2 words, it felt annoying. A little over-the-top and overly emphasised, to remind you that they're British.
HAYDEN'S ANXIETY
I sometimes felt like Hayden's anxiety was a contrived and convenient plot tool rather than a well explored mental health condition. While, at times, it *was* well done, there were other times that it felt too copy/paste to be authentic. There was no variety to his attacks, with some being more serious than others. It was just routine – every attack was sudden, supposedly out of nowhere, with Hayden visibly shaking, screaming, and rocking in a corner.
As someone with mild anxiety myself, I can support and approve of the randomness of the attacks, how a simple thing might set off an attack, but I often found the things causing Hayden to react the worst to be almost unconnected to his anxiety or its trigger. While his trigger for his anxiety, and PTSD, were never explored and explained within the book, I felt that it was definitely connected to his father, his past, and violence. However, sometimes an awkward, and out of sequence, thought process would take place just to justify an attack. Such as the very first attack, when Hayden is having sex at the time. There's no reasonable explanation for the way that attack happens.
I definitely felt later attacks were MUCH better handled, and more logical towards Hayden's past and potential triggers. I'm also REALLY happy that he wasn't instantly cured of those attacks after he began dating Andy. My pet hate is always when a relationship magically cures a mental health condition. That didn't happen here, which made me really happy, because we actually get to see Hayden exploring his condition, while explaining the circumstances to Andy.
However, the fact that Hayden dealt with his anxiety with sex, and Andy felt used because of that, was not cool. And I really hated that the book ended without Hayden EVER seeking help. He knew medication wasn't working, but there isn't just ONE medication, one doctor, or one diagnosis for his condition, and he could have sought a dozen other options to help himself, but never did, and that was really frustrating for me. I wanted to see Hayden get help from a psychologist or mental health expert, to help him find logical, safe ways of coping with an attack. Instead, Andy had to provide that, which put a huge burden on him, but also pushed him into that “crutch” category, where he wasn't fully explored as his own person.
~
OVERALL
While I really enjoyed the storyline, there were parts that were a bit too “eye-roll” perfect and coincidental...
...Hayden is perfectly huge and Andy's physical ideal. Andy has experience with anxiety, and is the one thing to calm Hayden during an attack. Hayden just happens to have liked guys before, and is unnaturally eager to explore gay sex, in all kinds of kinky ways. The sex just happens to be perfect, even on their first time, even though it's Hayden's first time with a man. They both have the “I'm in love” revelation during their insanely wild and hard first time together.
They said “I love you” after less than a fortnight, and it wasn't needed. I believed in the relationship enough without that love confession.
HOWEVER, I really liked Hayden's personal growth, and the way that he began to deal with his anxiety, his personal issues, and trusted so wholeheartedly in his feelings for Andy. I LOVED Andy from the start, and his friend Tai was a great comic relief to the serious aspects of the plot. I loved that Andy was a strong, supportive, but quietly independent character, even if he wasn't explored as much as I would have liked.
I would have *loved* to have far less sex, to give the plot time to better explore Andy, and to give their relationship longer to develop, maybe even weeks or months. I wanted to see them bond, grow closer, and to have the attraction develop more slowly and naturally. I felt the ending was rushed, and that there were still things I wanted to see happen. I would have loved to see Hayden get mental health help, Andy explore or admit to his past homophobic attack, and insecurity issues. I wanted to see a resolution to their final miscommunication and misunderstand.
While this was offered to me as an ARC, I ended up buying the paperback (after some technical difficulties with my ARC copy) and there were a few editing issues. One random word at the end of a paragraph that had no relation to the events, a couple of times where two people had dialogue in the same paragraph. A few strong Alpha readers, or waiting for ARC reviews, might have helped stop these from getting into the paperback, but they weren't anything overly glaring or annoying.
In the end, I liked the characters and their journey. I loved the secondary characters, like Tai, Lucas and Aaron, who I hope will appear in later books. I will be reading more of the series, because the author has a lot of potential, but I definitely think a step back from the sex-focus of this plot would have made this a much stronger story.
I will probably read it again – especially before the next book comes out, to remind me of the secondary characters – and I'm glad that I've already got my copy on hand. It's definitely not a book I regret having on my shelf, and I look forward to watching the author grow throughout the series.
~
Favourite Quote
“In fact, it was so uncommon for me to feel attracted to a man that sometimes I forgot I might want to swing that way. I'd ended up convincing myself that it had been a phase all along.
It was as if my libido was laughing at me now. I wasn't all about the pink; there was a bit of blue in my spectrum too...
'Purple,' I murmured, burying my face into the pillow and groaning.”
Purple Stain (Cardiff Rainbow, 01)
by Nat Lewis
★★★☆☆
324 Pages
1st person, dual character POV
Themes: anxiety, mental health, bi-awakening, first love, insta-love
Triggers: anxiety, mental health, historic off-page death of a family member by cancer, PTSD, history of parental abuse, religious family, homophobia, mentions of gaslighting and child abuse by parent
Genre: Contemporary, LGBT, MM Romance, Musician, First Love
~
This is a hard one to review. I have so many mixed feelings about this book, that I'm not really sure where to start.
Did I enjoy it? Yes, overall, I did.
Was it perfect? No.
Would I read it again? Possibly.
Would I read the next in the series, or another book by the author? Yes, undoubtedly.
For one, this is a REALLY good debut novel. The writing was clear, if not entirely consistent, and I feel the author told the story they wanted to tell.
Normally, I get obsessed with a book I'm reading, and can't wait to pick it back up again. For some reason, I never really thought about it this one when it wasn't in my hand. While I was reading, I could zoom through chapters and pages without a problem, but, when I had to put it away – to sleep, eat, or family time – it never crossed my mind. I guess there was an emotional disconnect somewhere, even though I enjoyed the book as I was reading. I just didn't LOVE it enough to obsess over it.
PACING
The pacing was a little unbalanced. Sometimes, the story moved too fast past things I wanted to know more about – like Andy's life, not explaining some things until much later in the story so it could focus on their relationship – while slowing down to show too much of things I didn't really need, like the mountainous pages of detailed sex. It never really found a comfortable middle ground.
Examples: not explaining Hayden's mother's condition until late on, mentioning an inside joke but waiting until the next chapter to explain it, using flashbacks. Using hindsight to explore unnecessary moments, and spending more time on sex and flirting than character depth.
Thankfully, pacing and flow improved after Andy began his own POV. Until this point, I actually considered not finishing, and might have given up if it wasn't a review book, but I'm glad I continued. Before Andy's POV's, Hayden was too much like a 17-18 year old douchebag, manwhore, who sadly reminded me of guys I went to school with. But, once Andy's POV started, he really improved and his personality shone through much clearer. Andy brought out the real, serious but laidback version of Hayden that was sorely needed to offset the arrogance of his personality before Andy came along.
CHARACTERISATION
Again, this felt unbalanced. With the story being 90% about Hayden, Andy's characterisation really suffered. There was so much hinted about him that I wanted to know about, and I never got it. I wanted to know about the (hinted at, but never talked about) historic homophobic attack and anxiety episodes in Andy's past, but other than secondary characters briefly mentioning them in passing, it was as if we were supposed to already know all about that, or just not care, because Hayden was more important.
I love dual POV, and while I'm not normally a fan of 1st person, it didn't bother me. However, while the dual POV *seems* evenly split between Hayden and Andy, I really feel like Andy was less of a main character than a plot tool. Andy's only real purpose in the novel is to be Hayden's boyfriend, his strength, his support, and a sex tool. He has NO depth, no real back story, no history that is ever explored, and it was so much wasted potential.
I LOVED Andy, as a character. I just wish he'd been better explored. He feels so one-dimensional, because all he ever does is moon over Hayden, sleep with Hayden, and support Hayden. He has no LIFE of his own to live, with the sole exception of one or two short meetings with his friend Tai.
Sadly, it was like Andy just didn't exist until Hayden was sharing his time.
In contrast, I didn't buy Hayden's instant-gay insta-love storyline. It made no sense – and was SERIOUSLY unrealistic – that a man who had only ever “secretly” been attracted to men, and only ever been intimate with women, would be SO eager to explore a new, gay relationship. While some eagerness to explore the new might make sense, his almost obsessive need to rim another man for the very first time, to think about being the bottom after only 2 days of a gay crush, was excessive.
Initially, I was pleased that when Hayden began talking about his crush on Andy, it wasn't something completely out of the blue, for him. However, while it mentions that he's been attracted to men before and never acted on it, pushing the idea aside, it would have been much better to actually SEE that, on page. Maybe even before he met Andy. That would really have helped resolve the whole straight-to-gay feeling, when Hayden began his crush on Andy, because it was entirely new and unexpected.
Again, I was relieved that Andy challenged that, especially before they progressed into more than friends, but it was all so sudden, and it suddenly became this HUGE plot point for Andy. It soon became the only thing he thought about, outside of sex. Whether Hayden was using him as therapy, and for sex, or whether the relationship was real. It was a shame that their good communication, while friends, filtered out and became non-existent after they started dating. This was a great opportunity to discuss bisexuality, to have Hayden explore his sexuality, and for Andy to really open up ore about his past, but it was missed. It just sort of felt like Hayden went from straight manwhore, to gay boyfriend with no transition.
I'm also a bit disappointed by Andy's senseless claim that his ex cheating on him has made him “biphobic”. That makes no sense, in the context or with Andy's character. But, because he's so vaguely explored, that biphoic fear is never challenged again, so I don't understand why it was even mentioned, in the first place.
It was also a bit disappointing that their great communication and the breakdown of it, was used as a plot point to end the book on a rather sudden note. Instead of working through problems, they let them build up by not talking, then it all burst out in an unrealistic, public love-in.
REFERENCES
There are a lot of unexplained references throughout the novel. From T-shirt designs I didn't follow/understand, to musical references, there was a lot left unexplained, for those of us not familiar. I am not familiar with synch music, or anything to do with music production, so I felt lost, as a lot of the musical chat went way over my head.
I'm also not a fan of the Rolling Stones, so I had NO idea what the title meant. I presumed I would learn the relevance of the title while reading the book, but that never happened. I ended up Googling it, and – honestly? – I can't understand the decision. Considering it references the mix of fluids of having sex with a girl on her period (WHY??), I don't really see how it could suit anything but an MF story. I still have no idea what the author was referring to, if I've got the wrong end of the stick, or what relevance it has to the story, which is sad. Learning the meaning of the title is one of my favourite parts of a book, and this one let me down.
There is ONE moment, when Hayden thinks about how he used to just have “pink” in his spectrum, and now there was “blue” because of Andy, (see my Quote at the end) and he murmurs “purple”... While this might seem like a relation to the title, it doesn't *feel* like it, at the time. Maybe if the title has been a little different, and there hadn't been that joke about the use of the title Purple Stain as a song title, it might have worked, but it just feels random and unrelated.
THE SEX
If you're a fan of LONG pages of detailed sex scenes, you'll love this book. Me? I'm not a fan of unnecessary sex in books, especially when it comes at the cost of other, more important, things. For me, I could easily have seen this work as an AMAZING YA/NA novel, focusing more on Hayden's journey of recovery, Andy's search for a serious, lasting relationship, and how they found each other. If you removed all the sex – and there's a total of about 40 odd pages here, if not more (I stopped counting, after a while) – those pages could have been spent exploring Andy with some real, honest depth, of the kind Hayden was given.
I wanted to see Hayden in therapy, getting help for his anxiety. I wanted to see Andy's friends and family circle, how he functioned in his daily life. I wanted to see Andy exploring and confronting his past. I wanted to see him confess his past of anxiety and panic attacks to Hayden – who ends the book NEVER knowing about it – and sharing that pain and journey.
Without the sex, I could have had all of that. But, from page 1, Hayden was a horndog. By page 3, he was having sex with a girl. By page 76, he was kissing Andy. By page 81, they were having sex. After that, it was almost an every chapter occurrence. If they weren't having long, detailed sex, then Hayden was having long, detailed fantasies about it. Nearly all of his chapters had these moments, while Andy's chapters were far less, but still prominent.
It felt like a wasted opportunity. We didn't need 16 pages of one sex scene, 2 pages of a sex fantasy, then another 10 pages of sex later on. It was SO MUCH, full-on, ALL the time. And, it actually got a bit exhausting to read. Like, I get it, Hayden is a sex addict, without anyone actually seriously admitting it's the unhealthy way he deals with his problems. And when someone does mention it, it's dismissed, ignored and NEVER confronted seriously.
I'm not a huge fan of pushing boundaries in non-kink specific books, as it typically hits you across the face, unexpected and often unnecessary. That happened here, with a few awkward and uncomfortable situations, e.g. Hayden giving head while Andy is on the phone to his mother! It feels unnecessary and illogical, taking me completely out of the story for no real reason other than to push the boundaries of their sexual relationship. Honestly? I felt like at least 2 of the huge sex scenes that took double-digit pages weren't needed. They didn't add anything special to the story, they didn't progress the emotional relationship or their connection/chemistry. It just didn't add enough to justify those pages, for me.
LANGUAGE
I really struggled to envision Hayden and Andy as 23-24 year olds. From the way they acted, the way they spoke, and the way they behaved (outside of sex), they came across more as horny teenagers, who were falling into a head-long crush for the first time. I could have believed it more, if they'd been 18-19. That's not a lot of years difference, but it would be just enough to explain away their immaturity.
The language style itself also feels out of touch with the age range of the characters. There are times when it drifts into purple prose, and we get someone like Andy – 23, young and in college – saying “libidinous body”, or Hayden – 24, a manwhore, who uses slang all the time – saying “lest I”. It just doesn't feel authentic.
I'm not Welsh, I'm Scottish, so I had a bit of trouble adapting to the accent. It felt like overkill, sometimes. Like we were being forced to remember their accent even when it didn't feel natural to the dialogue or the right placement or the right time.
There is NO translation of an entire conversation in Welsh, despite one line at the end of the book being translated. The conversation felt important, and was a nice moment between Hayden and his brother, once I asked Google to provide a translation. I'm just baffled as to why it wasn't included.
I'm NOT a fan of writing out accents, at the best of times, but when it was so randomly done, and only for 1-2 words, it felt annoying. A little over-the-top and overly emphasised, to remind you that they're British.
HAYDEN'S ANXIETY
I sometimes felt like Hayden's anxiety was a contrived and convenient plot tool rather than a well explored mental health condition. While, at times, it *was* well done, there were other times that it felt too copy/paste to be authentic. There was no variety to his attacks, with some being more serious than others. It was just routine – every attack was sudden, supposedly out of nowhere, with Hayden visibly shaking, screaming, and rocking in a corner.
As someone with mild anxiety myself, I can support and approve of the randomness of the attacks, how a simple thing might set off an attack, but I often found the things causing Hayden to react the worst to be almost unconnected to his anxiety or its trigger. While his trigger for his anxiety, and PTSD, were never explored and explained within the book, I felt that it was definitely connected to his father, his past, and violence. However, sometimes an awkward, and out of sequence, thought process would take place just to justify an attack. Such as the very first attack, when Hayden is having sex at the time. There's no reasonable explanation for the way that attack happens.
I definitely felt later attacks were MUCH better handled, and more logical towards Hayden's past and potential triggers. I'm also REALLY happy that he wasn't instantly cured of those attacks after he began dating Andy. My pet hate is always when a relationship magically cures a mental health condition. That didn't happen here, which made me really happy, because we actually get to see Hayden exploring his condition, while explaining the circumstances to Andy.
However, the fact that Hayden dealt with his anxiety with sex, and Andy felt used because of that, was not cool. And I really hated that the book ended without Hayden EVER seeking help. He knew medication wasn't working, but there isn't just ONE medication, one doctor, or one diagnosis for his condition, and he could have sought a dozen other options to help himself, but never did, and that was really frustrating for me. I wanted to see Hayden get help from a psychologist or mental health expert, to help him find logical, safe ways of coping with an attack. Instead, Andy had to provide that, which put a huge burden on him, but also pushed him into that “crutch” category, where he wasn't fully explored as his own person.
~
OVERALL
While I really enjoyed the storyline, there were parts that were a bit too “eye-roll” perfect and coincidental...
...Hayden is perfectly huge and Andy's physical ideal. Andy has experience with anxiety, and is the one thing to calm Hayden during an attack. Hayden just happens to have liked guys before, and is unnaturally eager to explore gay sex, in all kinds of kinky ways. The sex just happens to be perfect, even on their first time, even though it's Hayden's first time with a man. They both have the “I'm in love” revelation during their insanely wild and hard first time together.
They said “I love you” after less than a fortnight, and it wasn't needed. I believed in the relationship enough without that love confession.
HOWEVER, I really liked Hayden's personal growth, and the way that he began to deal with his anxiety, his personal issues, and trusted so wholeheartedly in his feelings for Andy. I LOVED Andy from the start, and his friend Tai was a great comic relief to the serious aspects of the plot. I loved that Andy was a strong, supportive, but quietly independent character, even if he wasn't explored as much as I would have liked.
I would have *loved* to have far less sex, to give the plot time to better explore Andy, and to give their relationship longer to develop, maybe even weeks or months. I wanted to see them bond, grow closer, and to have the attraction develop more slowly and naturally. I felt the ending was rushed, and that there were still things I wanted to see happen. I would have loved to see Hayden get mental health help, Andy explore or admit to his past homophobic attack, and insecurity issues. I wanted to see a resolution to their final miscommunication and misunderstand.
While this was offered to me as an ARC, I ended up buying the paperback (after some technical difficulties with my ARC copy) and there were a few editing issues. One random word at the end of a paragraph that had no relation to the events, a couple of times where two people had dialogue in the same paragraph. A few strong Alpha readers, or waiting for ARC reviews, might have helped stop these from getting into the paperback, but they weren't anything overly glaring or annoying.
In the end, I liked the characters and their journey. I loved the secondary characters, like Tai, Lucas and Aaron, who I hope will appear in later books. I will be reading more of the series, because the author has a lot of potential, but I definitely think a step back from the sex-focus of this plot would have made this a much stronger story.
I will probably read it again – especially before the next book comes out, to remind me of the secondary characters – and I'm glad that I've already got my copy on hand. It's definitely not a book I regret having on my shelf, and I look forward to watching the author grow throughout the series.
~
Favourite Quote
“In fact, it was so uncommon for me to feel attracted to a man that sometimes I forgot I might want to swing that way. I'd ended up convincing myself that it had been a phase all along.
It was as if my libido was laughing at me now. I wasn't all about the pink; there was a bit of blue in my spectrum too...
'Purple,' I murmured, burying my face into the pillow and groaning.”
April 21, 2023
The fact that this could’ve been my ex and I…and that there were almost exact conversations and dialogue we’ve said to each other…😭 It’s too soon after our breakup. Add on to the fact that she’s Scottish, and this book had Welsh characters-the slang was a brutal reminder of everything. Fuckkkk.
So basically this review is gonna be a mess.
I did really enjoy this, I think if I read this in February I would have loved it. However, there was some cheesiness to the lines, especially with how quick they met and were confessing. Ngl it sounded like I was reading about a lesbian couple 😂
It’s never okay to fight bigotry with bigotry. Like really? Homophobia is horrendous and that woman deserved a talking to but the amount of fatshaming that happened and how quickly everyone dogpiled on to remind her of how much of a “whale” she was, was quite ridiculous. Fatphobia never has a place.
I actually loved how chill Hayden was when he realized he liked Andy. We need more of this in queer books. I’m sick of seeing panic and rejection, it’s painful, especially when everything we see in media is this. Plus it made sense for him, since he mentioned he’s always had fantasies about guys.
Great mental illness representation!! But like, what was that ending? Where was the resolution or the help for Hayden? He’s just gonna keep suffering in silence, with only Andy to help him? As someone who just had a relationship end because of untreated mental illnesses, GET THE HELP YOU NEED. It’s not cool or you being strong by avoiding it because you think you’re tougher than it is. That’s also so unbelievably unfair to Andy to put all the pressure on him to take care of Hayden in every single way including being his therapist. He can only pour from a glass for so long before it becomes empty.
I LOVED how much we saw British and Welsh slang. It’s rare to find a book that doesn’t tone down the slang to be more palatable to the readers, especially when the vast majority are not from the UK. Maybe it’s because I spent years around Scottish, English and Irish ppl that I know this is exactly how people talk, especially younger adults. It also made me hear the accent in my head so much easier.
Overall, great book. Extremely low angst, fluffy and cute and EXTREMELY steamy. I saw a reviewer say they got recommended this if they liked Heartstoppers (😅) and like, yes, it has that exact vibe, but add on 18,000 pounds of smut. Considering the fan base of Heartstoppers is primarily teens and young girls I think it’s unfair to come here and then complain about a (clearly stated 18+) book that has ass-eating scenes.
So basically this review is gonna be a mess.
I did really enjoy this, I think if I read this in February I would have loved it. However, there was some cheesiness to the lines, especially with how quick they met and were confessing. Ngl it sounded like I was reading about a lesbian couple 😂
It’s never okay to fight bigotry with bigotry. Like really? Homophobia is horrendous and that woman deserved a talking to but the amount of fatshaming that happened and how quickly everyone dogpiled on to remind her of how much of a “whale” she was, was quite ridiculous. Fatphobia never has a place.
I actually loved how chill Hayden was when he realized he liked Andy. We need more of this in queer books. I’m sick of seeing panic and rejection, it’s painful, especially when everything we see in media is this. Plus it made sense for him, since he mentioned he’s always had fantasies about guys.
Great mental illness representation!! But like, what was that ending? Where was the resolution or the help for Hayden? He’s just gonna keep suffering in silence, with only Andy to help him? As someone who just had a relationship end because of untreated mental illnesses, GET THE HELP YOU NEED. It’s not cool or you being strong by avoiding it because you think you’re tougher than it is. That’s also so unbelievably unfair to Andy to put all the pressure on him to take care of Hayden in every single way including being his therapist. He can only pour from a glass for so long before it becomes empty.
I LOVED how much we saw British and Welsh slang. It’s rare to find a book that doesn’t tone down the slang to be more palatable to the readers, especially when the vast majority are not from the UK. Maybe it’s because I spent years around Scottish, English and Irish ppl that I know this is exactly how people talk, especially younger adults. It also made me hear the accent in my head so much easier.
Overall, great book. Extremely low angst, fluffy and cute and EXTREMELY steamy. I saw a reviewer say they got recommended this if they liked Heartstoppers (😅) and like, yes, it has that exact vibe, but add on 18,000 pounds of smut. Considering the fan base of Heartstoppers is primarily teens and young girls I think it’s unfair to come here and then complain about a (clearly stated 18+) book that has ass-eating scenes.
April 27, 2022
This is a story that pulls you in from the beginning. A series of coincidences leads for the two MCs to find each other and form a beautiful bond. But beautiful does t mean easy.
Hayden suffers from anxiety attacks, has a real problem hurst being around people. Instead he puts all his free time into making music and taking care of his family. One day life brings Andy to his life and everything changes. But Andy is a bit broken himself, still feeling the effects of a bad breakup. Are they both strong enough to overcome all the obstacles life will throw at them?
The book is well written, paced just right and very witty and unique. It is a hurt/comfort story with minor twists. The author is Welsh and decided to show some of the local slang and accent in the way the characters speak. It doesn’t always end well but this time it works bringing the characters to life.
Both men make some stupid choices and struggle to communicate at times, but there was never a point where I wanted to tell them to get their stuff together, which is also a good sign ;) The main mystery relating to Hayden’s family might be a bit predictable at times, but it didn’t bother me at all.
It is also full of spice, with very realistic scenes, so if that’s what you like you’ll be just fine.
Easy five stars since I don’t really have anything to critique. (I received a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review)
Hayden suffers from anxiety attacks, has a real problem hurst being around people. Instead he puts all his free time into making music and taking care of his family. One day life brings Andy to his life and everything changes. But Andy is a bit broken himself, still feeling the effects of a bad breakup. Are they both strong enough to overcome all the obstacles life will throw at them?
The book is well written, paced just right and very witty and unique. It is a hurt/comfort story with minor twists. The author is Welsh and decided to show some of the local slang and accent in the way the characters speak. It doesn’t always end well but this time it works bringing the characters to life.
Both men make some stupid choices and struggle to communicate at times, but there was never a point where I wanted to tell them to get their stuff together, which is also a good sign ;) The main mystery relating to Hayden’s family might be a bit predictable at times, but it didn’t bother me at all.
It is also full of spice, with very realistic scenes, so if that’s what you like you’ll be just fine.
Easy five stars since I don’t really have anything to critique. (I received a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review)
Read
March 25, 2024DNF
June 17, 2022
This book had so much potential and the blurp sounded so good. And oh my, look at that gorgeous cover! I usually love these kinds of books but Purple Stain didn't really do it for me.
Things that really bothered me
- Hayden using sex as a coping mechanism. It wasn't discussed between the characters even though both seemed to be aware of it to an extent. And there was just too much of sex in general.
- Overall bad communication even though the characters were supposed to have super deep and instant connection. For example Andy never voiced his thoughts and doubts when it came to their relationship and Hayden's mental health.
- Hayden's mental health was completely left unresolved. It kinda seemed like he spent some time on his friend's couch, realized that scarface was actually his cousin and got better. The severe anxiety he had would call for more extreme measures but ok.
- Hayden being a semi-famous artist but we really couldn't see that. We were told that he was but the reader never really saw it in anyway aside from a couple of scenes.
- The ending was way too abrupt. I was sure I was missing some pages when I got to the end.
- Overall the characters felt quite one dimensional
Things that really bothered me
- Hayden using sex as a coping mechanism. It wasn't discussed between the characters even though both seemed to be aware of it to an extent. And there was just too much of sex in general.
- Overall bad communication even though the characters were supposed to have super deep and instant connection. For example Andy never voiced his thoughts and doubts when it came to their relationship and Hayden's mental health.
- Hayden's mental health was completely left unresolved. It kinda seemed like he spent some time on his friend's couch, realized that scarface was actually his cousin and got better. The severe anxiety he had would call for more extreme measures but ok.
- Hayden being a semi-famous artist but we really couldn't see that. We were told that he was but the reader never really saw it in anyway aside from a couple of scenes.
- The ending was way too abrupt. I was sure I was missing some pages when I got to the end.
- Overall the characters felt quite one dimensional
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 26, 2022
4.5 stars
This book blends music, heat, chemistry, emotion, and a narrative arc that foregrounds character growth as well as romance. There’s plenty of heat in this story (as you might expect for two twenty-something guys who have instant chemistry) — it’s intense, but not overwhelming, and enhanced by the developing emotional connection between them as well. Both Hayden and Andy shine as interesting individuals as well as halves of a romantic pairing, but the focus of the novel is unequivocally on Hayden, and I did wish, at times, that Andy got a bit more development and time in the spotlight. That’s not because I disliked Hayden— I didn’t, at all! He’s a compelling character in so many ways, and the narrative treats his anxiety attacks, coping mechanisms, and their impact on his life and romance with Andy with care and grace. Overall, I found this a really easy story to be drawn into and I was with it to end— if I could offer one critique, it might be that I would have liked the ending to be slightly more built out— it ends happily, but quickly, and I liked these guys enough to want to linger more. Still, I’m very glad I had the chance to read this book (my thanks to the author for the complimentary copy) and I’d highly recommend giving it a try.
This book blends music, heat, chemistry, emotion, and a narrative arc that foregrounds character growth as well as romance. There’s plenty of heat in this story (as you might expect for two twenty-something guys who have instant chemistry) — it’s intense, but not overwhelming, and enhanced by the developing emotional connection between them as well. Both Hayden and Andy shine as interesting individuals as well as halves of a romantic pairing, but the focus of the novel is unequivocally on Hayden, and I did wish, at times, that Andy got a bit more development and time in the spotlight. That’s not because I disliked Hayden— I didn’t, at all! He’s a compelling character in so many ways, and the narrative treats his anxiety attacks, coping mechanisms, and their impact on his life and romance with Andy with care and grace. Overall, I found this a really easy story to be drawn into and I was with it to end— if I could offer one critique, it might be that I would have liked the ending to be slightly more built out— it ends happily, but quickly, and I liked these guys enough to want to linger more. Still, I’m very glad I had the chance to read this book (my thanks to the author for the complimentary copy) and I’d highly recommend giving it a try.
September 14, 2022
Purple Stain by Nat Lewis is book 1 in the Cardiff Rainbow series.
It’s her debut novel and the story of Hayden and Andy. Hayden is straight and a known womanizer. Andy is gay and recovering from a broken heart. There’s an instant connection between the two of them when they first meet. They have a love for music that brings them together. Their relationship is instalove which is not something i’m fond of in books, but it works really well in Purple Stain. It’s a plot point since Andy is wary of his rapidly growing feelings for Hayden. I wasn’t put off by the willingness of Hayden to experiment for the first time with a man. I felt it was believable considering his strong connection to Andy. The sex scenes were incredibly hot and well detailed. I loved both MCs so much together. I wish that Andy were a bit more fleshed out, but it makes sense that the focus was more on Hayden since it’s his struggles that makes much of the plot.
Hayden has some family problems and is suffering from anxiety. It felt very personal to me, since i also struggle with anxiety. Some of the things Hayden experienced during his anxiety attacks were a mirror of my own hardship. It wasn’t triggering for me. It was a reminder that i’m not the only one going through this and how good it is to talk about it with friends and family. To seek support. Like for Hayden it isn’t always easy to ask for help, but at the end it’s rewarding to do so.
Tai, Andy’s best friend is hilarious. I wished there was more of him in the book. He made me smile and laugh a lot. Purple Stain was surprisingly low angst despite some of the heavy themes involved.
Purple Stain is a lot of fun, with lovable characters. It isn’t perfect, but definitly worthy of your time. I can’t wait to read Nat Lewis’ next book!
It’s her debut novel and the story of Hayden and Andy. Hayden is straight and a known womanizer. Andy is gay and recovering from a broken heart. There’s an instant connection between the two of them when they first meet. They have a love for music that brings them together. Their relationship is instalove which is not something i’m fond of in books, but it works really well in Purple Stain. It’s a plot point since Andy is wary of his rapidly growing feelings for Hayden. I wasn’t put off by the willingness of Hayden to experiment for the first time with a man. I felt it was believable considering his strong connection to Andy. The sex scenes were incredibly hot and well detailed. I loved both MCs so much together. I wish that Andy were a bit more fleshed out, but it makes sense that the focus was more on Hayden since it’s his struggles that makes much of the plot.
Hayden has some family problems and is suffering from anxiety. It felt very personal to me, since i also struggle with anxiety. Some of the things Hayden experienced during his anxiety attacks were a mirror of my own hardship. It wasn’t triggering for me. It was a reminder that i’m not the only one going through this and how good it is to talk about it with friends and family. To seek support. Like for Hayden it isn’t always easy to ask for help, but at the end it’s rewarding to do so.
Tai, Andy’s best friend is hilarious. I wished there was more of him in the book. He made me smile and laugh a lot. Purple Stain was surprisingly low angst despite some of the heavy themes involved.
Purple Stain is a lot of fun, with lovable characters. It isn’t perfect, but definitly worthy of your time. I can’t wait to read Nat Lewis’ next book!
April 26, 2022
This is a great start to a series and an amazing debut for this writer. It has a good mix of angst, heat and sweetness to keep the reader hooked. I can't wait for the rest of the series.
I received an ARC and this is my unbiased opinion
I received an ARC and this is my unbiased opinion
August 27, 2022
Ok first up I was recommended this on Amazon after buying all the heartstopper books…so I got it …. big mistake lol
Maybe I should of researched this book more as it defo wasn’t a cute gay romance..this was full on smut! No matter what the sexuality..reading about eating ass hole in so much detail is defo not for me…especially whilst eating my sandwich!
Now , I’m not all rating it low because of this! it’s my fault for not reading reviews and I know people love this kind of saucy genre so each to there own.
However that aside it was just so unrealistic! Ok I know quick love can happen but for a straight man to just switch and be so confidently open to gay sex and a relationship in 7 days was just unrealistic in my opinion.
They’d finish a sex scene and then within minutes be back doing it again, then they’d have a shower and boom
more sex. I was exhausted just reading it 😆
I wanted more story, the characters where great and I loved the background story of each of them just wish this book focussed more on there relationship as a whole rather than all the sex.
The book was just a constant up and down of full on steamy details then a few pages on mental health and anxiety then back to steamy hot sex then boom back to anxiety..you get the idea.
Maybe I should of researched this book more as it defo wasn’t a cute gay romance..this was full on smut! No matter what the sexuality..reading about eating ass hole in so much detail is defo not for me…especially whilst eating my sandwich!
Now , I’m not all rating it low because of this! it’s my fault for not reading reviews and I know people love this kind of saucy genre so each to there own.
However that aside it was just so unrealistic! Ok I know quick love can happen but for a straight man to just switch and be so confidently open to gay sex and a relationship in 7 days was just unrealistic in my opinion.
They’d finish a sex scene and then within minutes be back doing it again, then they’d have a shower and boom
more sex. I was exhausted just reading it 😆
I wanted more story, the characters where great and I loved the background story of each of them just wish this book focussed more on there relationship as a whole rather than all the sex.
The book was just a constant up and down of full on steamy details then a few pages on mental health and anxiety then back to steamy hot sex then boom back to anxiety..you get the idea.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 22, 2024
DNF 47%
I love music, so the premise of this book really intrigued me. And...it's a great idea. Both Hayden and Andy are Electronic Music creators. They actually bond over music and become instant friends.
Unfortunately, everything from there is also very "Insta". These two jump in to a sexual relationship even though Hayden has never been with another man before. And...it turns out he's really good at it. And...really enjoys it...to the point that sex becomes pretty much the whole story. Right along with his mental health issues. The story gives a revolving door storyline of: 1. Hayden having a breakdown; 2. Hayden and Andy having sex; 3. Andy worrying about whether Hayden is truly gay/bisexual; 4. Back to sex again.
It all becomes very repetitive and one-dimensional. I wanted more music. I wanted a slower build to their friendship. I wanted to dive a bit deeper in to Hayden's trauma. I needed more depth and the author just didn't give us that.
I love music, so the premise of this book really intrigued me. And...it's a great idea. Both Hayden and Andy are Electronic Music creators. They actually bond over music and become instant friends.
Unfortunately, everything from there is also very "Insta". These two jump in to a sexual relationship even though Hayden has never been with another man before. And...it turns out he's really good at it. And...really enjoys it...to the point that sex becomes pretty much the whole story. Right along with his mental health issues. The story gives a revolving door storyline of: 1. Hayden having a breakdown; 2. Hayden and Andy having sex; 3. Andy worrying about whether Hayden is truly gay/bisexual; 4. Back to sex again.
It all becomes very repetitive and one-dimensional. I wanted more music. I wanted a slower build to their friendship. I wanted to dive a bit deeper in to Hayden's trauma. I needed more depth and the author just didn't give us that.
May 7, 2022
2.5*
I skipped from 21% to 96% and whizzed through to the end. I wasn’t feeling it at all. I didn’t find Hayden engaging at all, and realised I wasn’t going to spend the remaining 80% to discover I’d be right in my initial assessment.
Quite a few of what I presume are regional spellings kept pulling me out of the narrative too. Needed better proofing too imo.
Lots of folk seem to love this, but it wasn’t for me.
I skipped from 21% to 96% and whizzed through to the end. I wasn’t feeling it at all. I didn’t find Hayden engaging at all, and realised I wasn’t going to spend the remaining 80% to discover I’d be right in my initial assessment.
Quite a few of what I presume are regional spellings kept pulling me out of the narrative too. Needed better proofing too imo.
Lots of folk seem to love this, but it wasn’t for me.
April 23, 2022
I loved this book. There are SOOO many things to LOVE in this book.
First: Hayden
Hayden's anxiety is SOOO relatable. And his panic attacks are so well written. I felt like I was there with him in that moment. And I loved the way Andy was his anchor and always brought him back. This could also be a trigger for some people reading this book. So be aware: there are detailed panic attacks in first person POV.
Second: Andy
I AM ANDY. I am that person who falls in love too easily. Who falls in love with someone on the first date. And I just LOVED seeing his POV and watching him go through that: I really like this person but they don't like me stuff. And it was written so well and realistically in terms of his thought process. I also liked that Andy had previous experience with anxiety and could speak to it, help Hayden through his from the perspective of someone who's been there. Maybe not to the extreme that Hayden has it, but still.
Third: Their Love Story
I loved that they both fell in love with each other immediately. That they were both on the same page even if they were each nervous about it. And I love that Hayden pushed him away for a GOOD reason. There was no contrived misunderstanding that set them apart... it was Hayden realizing that because of his mental health he wasn't in the right headspace to be with Andy and he needed a little space. But he never said he was leaving for good, or breaking up with Andy. And I liked that there was never a huge panic about that. Andy has some moments where he thinks maybe Hayden is gone for good... but that's just his insecurity talking, never anything Hayden actually said.
Fourth: The Music Backdrop
I love their shared passion and the music that runs throughout this book. I love that we're seeing them get to a place where they can collaborate and I foresee them working together and releasing albums together and I love that a lot. And as a person who has a wide musical taste, and for whom music is a HUGE part of their life... I love this. Music is SOOO personal and to find someone you can really speak music with is a HUGE deal.
Fifth: The Sex Scenes
There is such a GREAT balance in this book of ridiculously steaming hot, and earth shatteringly romantic. And there is a LOT of smut in this book. Two guys in their midtwenties falling in love fast... yeah... lots of sex. But it's so well done. It's tender right from the start, while incorporating dirty talk and some rough stuff. But it never went so far that it felt out of the romantic and into the kinky. (Other than the scene listed below).
Things I didn't love:
The Mother Phone Call Scene
This really squicked me. I've seen it done in other things as well... TV shows... movies etc... and it always gets to me. No matter how well it's done. There is a scene where Andy's mom calls. Hayden puts the phone on speakerphone, holds Andy's wrists, and goes down on him while he's talking to his mother. No. Thank. You. This is just... one of those things that freaks me out to the CORE. Andy does state just before this, that situations like this turn him on... but it was a personal thing for me that just... NOPE. I will say that this scene felt a little better for me when Andy really gives Hayden shit after all's said and done. They fight about it briefly and Andy tells him that it was not ok. But I still... it stuck with me and not in a good way.
Teasing the Switch
I was a little grumpy that we didn't get to see the sex scene where they finally switch. Throughout the book Hayden tops exclusively, but they discuss him trying to bottom. It felt like kind of a big personal plot point for them. Hayden being willing to be vulnerable in that way for the first time with Andy etc... then there's a scene where they try it once but it's not the right time so they stop... and the very end of the book is a scene where they discuss doing it that night, but we never actually get to see that scene. It felt like we were teased with it, but never got the payoff. It's not a huge deal for the plot or anything... but it felt like something was missing at the end.
Rushed Ending
This ties into the previous one a little. I felt like the ending was rushed. They confess their love, rush into each other's arms... talk about going home and switching and then the book just ends while they're holding each other. Everything is resolved, so it doesn't feel unfinished, just rushed to me. I would have liked to see their resolution drawn out a little more.
All in all though I loved the HELL out of this book. I can't wait for more in this series.
I will say I know NOTHING about Welsh slang... so I can't comment on that... but I did enjoy the book being written heavily in slang... it really gave atmosphere to the setting.
Highly recommended! Just beware of anything above that might be a trigger for you.
First: Hayden
Hayden's anxiety is SOOO relatable. And his panic attacks are so well written. I felt like I was there with him in that moment. And I loved the way Andy was his anchor and always brought him back. This could also be a trigger for some people reading this book. So be aware: there are detailed panic attacks in first person POV.
Second: Andy
I AM ANDY. I am that person who falls in love too easily. Who falls in love with someone on the first date. And I just LOVED seeing his POV and watching him go through that: I really like this person but they don't like me stuff. And it was written so well and realistically in terms of his thought process. I also liked that Andy had previous experience with anxiety and could speak to it, help Hayden through his from the perspective of someone who's been there. Maybe not to the extreme that Hayden has it, but still.
Third: Their Love Story
I loved that they both fell in love with each other immediately. That they were both on the same page even if they were each nervous about it. And I love that Hayden pushed him away for a GOOD reason. There was no contrived misunderstanding that set them apart... it was Hayden realizing that because of his mental health he wasn't in the right headspace to be with Andy and he needed a little space. But he never said he was leaving for good, or breaking up with Andy. And I liked that there was never a huge panic about that. Andy has some moments where he thinks maybe Hayden is gone for good... but that's just his insecurity talking, never anything Hayden actually said.
Fourth: The Music Backdrop
I love their shared passion and the music that runs throughout this book. I love that we're seeing them get to a place where they can collaborate and I foresee them working together and releasing albums together and I love that a lot. And as a person who has a wide musical taste, and for whom music is a HUGE part of their life... I love this. Music is SOOO personal and to find someone you can really speak music with is a HUGE deal.
Fifth: The Sex Scenes
There is such a GREAT balance in this book of ridiculously steaming hot, and earth shatteringly romantic. And there is a LOT of smut in this book. Two guys in their midtwenties falling in love fast... yeah... lots of sex. But it's so well done. It's tender right from the start, while incorporating dirty talk and some rough stuff. But it never went so far that it felt out of the romantic and into the kinky. (Other than the scene listed below).
Things I didn't love:
The Mother Phone Call Scene
This really squicked me. I've seen it done in other things as well... TV shows... movies etc... and it always gets to me. No matter how well it's done. There is a scene where Andy's mom calls. Hayden puts the phone on speakerphone, holds Andy's wrists, and goes down on him while he's talking to his mother. No. Thank. You. This is just... one of those things that freaks me out to the CORE. Andy does state just before this, that situations like this turn him on... but it was a personal thing for me that just... NOPE. I will say that this scene felt a little better for me when Andy really gives Hayden shit after all's said and done. They fight about it briefly and Andy tells him that it was not ok. But I still... it stuck with me and not in a good way.
Teasing the Switch
I was a little grumpy that we didn't get to see the sex scene where they finally switch. Throughout the book Hayden tops exclusively, but they discuss him trying to bottom. It felt like kind of a big personal plot point for them. Hayden being willing to be vulnerable in that way for the first time with Andy etc... then there's a scene where they try it once but it's not the right time so they stop... and the very end of the book is a scene where they discuss doing it that night, but we never actually get to see that scene. It felt like we were teased with it, but never got the payoff. It's not a huge deal for the plot or anything... but it felt like something was missing at the end.
Rushed Ending
This ties into the previous one a little. I felt like the ending was rushed. They confess their love, rush into each other's arms... talk about going home and switching and then the book just ends while they're holding each other. Everything is resolved, so it doesn't feel unfinished, just rushed to me. I would have liked to see their resolution drawn out a little more.
All in all though I loved the HELL out of this book. I can't wait for more in this series.
I will say I know NOTHING about Welsh slang... so I can't comment on that... but I did enjoy the book being written heavily in slang... it really gave atmosphere to the setting.
Highly recommended! Just beware of anything above that might be a trigger for you.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 11, 2022
This book is an absolute MUST READ.
I stumbled accross this book when I was browsing paperbacks and instantly fell in love with it. The cover is stunning! I would have bought it regardless but luckily it sounded right up my street anyway.
MC1 is Hayden, a 24 year old talented, musician/music producer who suffers with severe anxiety. MC 2 is Andy, a 23 year old student who also loves music/music production.
When I say that these two boys will completely comsume you I am not exaggerating. Hayden is such a broken soul and Andy has also had such a tough time recently with an awful break-up, seeing their relationship grow is just beautiful.
They are so freaking perfect for each other I was legit swooning. Well, thats when I wasn't fanning myself down, because the smut, is absolutely FIRE. Seriously, some of the best sex scenes I've ever read. Hayden has such a dirty mouth and I am here for it! 🔥🔥🔥
Another massive plus for me is that the book is set in Wales. I have always been facinated with the welsh accent and the dialogue is written with such genuine dialect that I honestly sounded welsh in my head when I was reading 🤣
I honestly don't know how this books isn't being reccomended everywhere. I will never stop shouting about this amazing story. I'm off to stalk this amazing author now. I need more from her asap!
I stumbled accross this book when I was browsing paperbacks and instantly fell in love with it. The cover is stunning! I would have bought it regardless but luckily it sounded right up my street anyway.
MC1 is Hayden, a 24 year old talented, musician/music producer who suffers with severe anxiety. MC 2 is Andy, a 23 year old student who also loves music/music production.
When I say that these two boys will completely comsume you I am not exaggerating. Hayden is such a broken soul and Andy has also had such a tough time recently with an awful break-up, seeing their relationship grow is just beautiful.
They are so freaking perfect for each other I was legit swooning. Well, thats when I wasn't fanning myself down, because the smut, is absolutely FIRE. Seriously, some of the best sex scenes I've ever read. Hayden has such a dirty mouth and I am here for it! 🔥🔥🔥
Another massive plus for me is that the book is set in Wales. I have always been facinated with the welsh accent and the dialogue is written with such genuine dialect that I honestly sounded welsh in my head when I was reading 🤣
I honestly don't know how this books isn't being reccomended everywhere. I will never stop shouting about this amazing story. I'm off to stalk this amazing author now. I need more from her asap!
September 18, 2022
I never really read these types of books, but this one sort of piqued my interest. I must say for a debut book, it’s certainly very good!
The characters all feel like real people, they’re engaging and you want to get to know them. Nat is very good at setting a scene, their descriptive writing is incredible.
The ending felt abrupt- it needed an epilogue for sure, I want to see what Hayden and Andy are up to now! It also felt very much like Hayden’s story (which is fine!) but I really wanted to see more from Andy.
Overall, I think the story was amazing. I couldn’t put it down! I’m not a fast reader, but I read this in 3 days (which is super speedy for me!!). Every time I put it down, I was sat wondering what was going to happen next, how would their relationship evolve?
Would definitely recommend- especially if you like smut.
The characters all feel like real people, they’re engaging and you want to get to know them. Nat is very good at setting a scene, their descriptive writing is incredible.
The ending felt abrupt- it needed an epilogue for sure, I want to see what Hayden and Andy are up to now! It also felt very much like Hayden’s story (which is fine!) but I really wanted to see more from Andy.
Overall, I think the story was amazing. I couldn’t put it down! I’m not a fast reader, but I read this in 3 days (which is super speedy for me!!). Every time I put it down, I was sat wondering what was going to happen next, how would their relationship evolve?
Would definitely recommend- especially if you like smut.
April 25, 2022
This is the debut novel for this author, and it's a great start. It's a well-crafted story and kept me interested until the end. It's a great debut and bodes well for other stories coming in the future.
This is not quite an insta-love, more an insta-c0nnection but it all plays out really quickly, over a very short space of time. I do love a slow burn more than an insta-love but this was done well enough that I didn't mind it too much. It's more about the connection between Hayden and Andy but with a little mystery too. You find out quite a bit about Hayden and his family, but very little really about Andy. I would have liked to know a little more about Andy and his relationship with his family, it's alluded to but that's it.
Hayden is different though, we find out a great deal about him. He suffers from crippling anxiety attacks, and perhaps PTSD from his childhood. He uses sex as a way to cope and I was more than a little worried about his dependency on Andy for his mental health. That said though, they did seem to work it out together, which I liked, and Andy seemed to realise that Hayden needed help. Hayden's home life isn't easy either with his mum also suffering mental health issues, so they have a lot to deal with.
I liked the easy connection and relationship between Andy and Hayden, and how easily Hayden accepted he might not be as straight as he thought. And the heat was there between them, wow. Lots of heat, which I am definitely not against.
I do have a gripe with the ending though, it just seemed to ... stop. I'd have liked a little more resolution than we got and I kept expecting to turn the page but that was it! It also took me a little to get used to all the slang, it's not a criticism, just something I had to get used to.
All in all this is a promising start for a new author and I'd definitely pick up another by them.
I received an ARC and this is my honest review.
This is not quite an insta-love, more an insta-c0nnection but it all plays out really quickly, over a very short space of time. I do love a slow burn more than an insta-love but this was done well enough that I didn't mind it too much. It's more about the connection between Hayden and Andy but with a little mystery too. You find out quite a bit about Hayden and his family, but very little really about Andy. I would have liked to know a little more about Andy and his relationship with his family, it's alluded to but that's it.
Hayden is different though, we find out a great deal about him. He suffers from crippling anxiety attacks, and perhaps PTSD from his childhood. He uses sex as a way to cope and I was more than a little worried about his dependency on Andy for his mental health. That said though, they did seem to work it out together, which I liked, and Andy seemed to realise that Hayden needed help. Hayden's home life isn't easy either with his mum also suffering mental health issues, so they have a lot to deal with.
I liked the easy connection and relationship between Andy and Hayden, and how easily Hayden accepted he might not be as straight as he thought. And the heat was there between them, wow. Lots of heat, which I am definitely not against.
I do have a gripe with the ending though, it just seemed to ... stop. I'd have liked a little more resolution than we got and I kept expecting to turn the page but that was it! It also took me a little to get used to all the slang, it's not a criticism, just something I had to get used to.
All in all this is a promising start for a new author and I'd definitely pick up another by them.
I received an ARC and this is my honest review.
May 14, 2022
For an indie author, self publishing her debut, this is flawless perfection. Nat Lewis is a talented author, and she builds a setting full of colour, tastes, smells set to a musical background. The storytelling is smooth and solid, the book is gorgeously formatted and is one of those books you just want to own so you can put it and a shelf and stroke it.
So. This is not formulaic romance. This is a novel full of life, and one I highly recommend.
Bravo.
So. This is not formulaic romance. This is a novel full of life, and one I highly recommend.
Bravo.
May 23, 2022
A debut novel that really impressed me. The narration style is really good and pulls the reader in. The whole story and language used feel really authentic and realistic.
The author created intriguing and complex MCs, which are then put in an emotional story full of real life struggles.
A very good hurt / comfort book! I enjoyed reading it and I am very curious how the author's career develops!
The author created intriguing and complex MCs, which are then put in an emotional story full of real life struggles.
A very good hurt / comfort book! I enjoyed reading it and I am very curious how the author's career develops!
May 12, 2022
This was a fantastic debut story! Hayden has anxiety and tries to hide it. Andy isn’t looking for love but is perfect for him. Both are somewhat broken and flawed. I loved that they started a friendship first that progressed quickly to more. But overall, this was fantastic, loved it. The story was well written and flowed nicely, highly recommend.
Did not finish
June 20, 2022I read until the 29% mark but something just felt off to me. It had a great start but jumping into sex so quickly just felt odd. I read the last few chapters and still felt disjointed so I guess I didn't miss much. Lot of people seem to love this book and the writing isn't bad (minus some spelling mistakes), so if you like sort of insta-love (sex), then this may be for you.
June 30, 2022
There were aspects of this book I loved. The characters got me right in the feels and the focus on mental health was handled really well.
Saying that though I almost DNF have way through because for me there was a lot of misplaced sex. Just too much in my opinion. I understand it was part of the characterisation but I feel like it took a lot of light off of the main issues.
Saying that though I almost DNF have way through because for me there was a lot of misplaced sex. Just too much in my opinion. I understand it was part of the characterisation but I feel like it took a lot of light off of the main issues.
July 7, 2022
+ the welsh setting and slang
+ the all-consuming possessiveness between hayden and andy
+ hayden being totally committed to andy early on despite being “straight”
+ anxiety and mental illness rep
+ the sex scenes were A+
- the ending was so abrupt…it definitely needed an epilogue
- i still felt like hayden was using andy as a crutch for his anxiety
- the whole mystery sub-plot with john and the reveal at the end
- hayden being an extreme womanizer (sorry but ugh)
this was maybe more of a 3.5 for me, but what the hell was with that ending?
+ the all-consuming possessiveness between hayden and andy
+ hayden being totally committed to andy early on despite being “straight”
+ anxiety and mental illness rep
+ the sex scenes were A+
- the ending was so abrupt…it definitely needed an epilogue
- i still felt like hayden was using andy as a crutch for his anxiety
- the whole mystery sub-plot with john and the reveal at the end
- hayden being an extreme womanizer (sorry but ugh)
this was maybe more of a 3.5 for me, but what the hell was with that ending?
August 7, 2022
original voice
I think this is a debut for this author and this book made you feel like you were in Cardiff with the dialogue written in slang. Lot of angst in this story mixed with a surprising amount of sweetness, and a ton of sex. Felt different in a good way.
I think this is a debut for this author and this book made you feel like you were in Cardiff with the dialogue written in slang. Lot of angst in this story mixed with a surprising amount of sweetness, and a ton of sex. Felt different in a good way.
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