Our Lady of Hot Messes: Getting Real with God in Dive Bars and Confessionals

by Leticia Ochoa Adams

Leticia Ochoa Adams met Jesus in a dive bar when she was eighteen years old. She didn’t actually meet Jesus, but it was there where she first witnessed holiness in action. The bar’s regulars taught her about the importance of community, being honest about who she is, not giving up on people, and how to laugh—even when awful things happen. In Our Lady of Hot Messes , Ochoa Adams tells the ongoing story of her redemption. At times funny and heartbreaking, but always gritty and unflinchingly honest, her story shows that no matter what you’re dealing with, God wants you to trust in his love. The Tejana daughter of a single mother—a cycle she would repeat in her own life—Ochoa Adams was sexually abused as a child. She married after a two-week courtship and, eight years later, divorced her husband who struggled with drug addiction. In between she suffered a late-term miscarriage and had three more children back-to-back. She always thought a dream life meant having a big house, kids, lots of money, and new cars. Since she hadn’t yet cracked the code for the American dream, “I turned to the person that every American woman turns to when looking for a way to make a better life for Oprah.” Watching the daytime talk show queen helped Ochoa Adams put a name to what happened to her as a child. But she was still searching for something more. Ochoa Adams was baptized Catholic but attended a small-town Baptist church growing up. When she reverted to Catholicism at age thirty-three in order to marry her second husband, Ochoa Adams was convinced that Catholics had all of the answers to life’s toughest questions. But she quickly learned that becoming Catholic didn’t mean she could just erase her bad choices and difficult past. And just when she thought she was getting her life together, her son, Anthony, died by suicide. God, therapy, and caring priests helped her face her pain and heal her brokenness. She wants you to see yourself in her mistakes, learn from them, and realize along with her that even when we’ve put our trust in God—even if it’s begrudgingly—we still have to do the tough work to become the person God wants us to be. “I still make mistakes,” she says, “but I’m trying not to live as a hot mess even when things around me are messy.”

Genres: Memoir, Religion, Spirituality, Catholic, Faith

160 pages, Paperback

Published November 11, 2022

Reviews

[Richard Propes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to confess that I sort of stumbled into the idea of doing book reviews. As a longtime film journalist, I went through a period in late 2019 when I was hospitalized and would end up experiencing a limb amputation that made attending movie screenings in person quite difficult. While some studios adapted and made sure that I was able to check out these films from the comfort of my own home, others were less accommodating.

In those days, weeks, and months of recovery, I began returning to my former love of books when the church I was attending at the time began a series on Harry Potter - I'd never read the books and decided to do so. Because I'm so naturally inclined to share my opinions and my experiences as a film critic, I began using Goodreads to share these same opinions and experiences with books.

People began to resonate with my reviews because I tend to write from a more personal place. I naturally write both critical evaluation and personal experience.

The more I wrote, the more offers I received to write. Much like film, it seemed like I could write about books even in those times when a book was outside my own worldview.

I could be fair. I could be funny. I could be honest, real, critical, empowering, and I seemed to have a way of equipping readers to make their own decisions about a book.

My book reviews are nowhere near as popular as my film reviews, though I am in the process of adding book reviews to my film site and adding additional commentary into the arts. As a writer who also has a disability, I've also become increasingly comfortable using this to encourage diverse voices and other disabled artists.

I had to laugh when I first received approval to review Leticia Ochoa Adams' "Our Lady of Hot Messes: Getting Real with God in Dive Bars and Confessionals," an upcoming Ave Maria Press release chronicling Adams's journey from hot mess to a person of gritty but devout faith.

This approval came with a gentle nudge to remember that despite its grittiness that "Our Lady of Hot Messes" is very much a faith-based book and very much a book written by a Catholic writer and speaker.

Indeed, while much of Adams's childhood and early adult years were filled with trauma, her subsequent years have been spent as an increasingly popular Catholic voice whose willingness to share the difficulties of her life resonates with those within the Church whose journeys have, at times, felt anything but holy. Adams introduces us to a God who sticks around precisely because it has been through many of her own life experiences that she has experienced this for herself.

Truthfully, I didn't need the caution regarding "Our Lady of Hot Messes." I tend to do my own thorough fact-finding prior to requesting a new title though, I suppose, it's also true that I've occasionally been wrong and found myself reading a new book that just doesn't quite click for a variety of reasons usually beginning what I believe the publisher's inaccurate marketing of the book rather than difficulty with the actual book itself.

However, "Our Lady of Hot Messes" is exactly what it projects itself to be - the story of Leticia Ochoa Adams getting real with readers and with God in her life and in dive bars and confessionals.

If you reject all things Catholic, there's nothing in "Our Lady of Hot Messes" that will change your mind even if you tend to resonate with strong survivor stories. Truthfully, "Our Lady of Hot Messes" is much more about Adams's faith than it is about her trauma.

If, however, you find yourself able to immerse yourself in a story of real-life recovery and spiritual transformation whether you agree, or disagree, with that particular journey then you will likely find "Our Lady of Hot Messes" a captivating, engaging, and refreshingly honest reading experience.

As a non-Catholic reviewer who has visited enough Masses to understand and who has a sprinkling of Catholics within my family tree, I found it easy to give myself to Adams's story even if I didn't always agree with her conclusions and what felt, at times, to me like overly broad generalizations. What resonates for me here is Adams's vulnerable and passionate sharing of how her faith made and makes life livable and how she has found the greatest moments of healing in those times when she's gotten real with God in those dive bars and in the ritual of confession which she clearly and deeply embraces.

Confession is good for the soul? Adams clearly believes it and lives it.

Adams's life, especially her childhood and younger adult years, has been difficult and filled with trauma and drama ranging from childhood sexual abuse to an impulsive marriage to a late-term miscarriage to the very event that seems to have triggered Adams's full-on spiritual transformation - the death by suicide of her son Anthony.

"Our Lady of Hot Messes" is much less a step-by-step journey toward faith and healing and much more a simple journey into the vulnerability of Adams's faith and her willingness to trust God and continue believing even when the world around her doesn't necessarily appear to be Godly. Adams shares about her faith in a God who sticks around through the hard times, a difficult aspect of faith for many who tend to equate trauma and drama with a lack of faith. Rather than obsessing with "What have I done wrong?" Adams has learned to surrender to her faith even more deeply and more vulnerably.

Somewhat surprisingly, "Our Lady of Hot Messes" is not a particularly difficult read. While Adams writes about her traumas, giving particular attention to Anthony's death, it's clear that her objective here is less about trauma and more about faith. As a survivor myself, including having my own wife die by suicide in my early 20s, I was occasionally challenged by this as it felt like a glossing over of valuable pieces of Adams's journey. While many of persons of faith will find "Our Lady of Hot Messes" to be raw and gritty, I at times found it to be almost jarringly saccharine in its approach and it feels like a decision was made at some point to water down its grittiness in hopes of reaching a wider audience.

That said, I'll always embrace those persons of faith who are willing to share their journeys of a messier faith and a more complicated faith. Adams vulnerably and with great transparency shares her testimony of surviving and then thriving through her faith and devotion to God. While "Our Lady of Hot Messes" will likely most deeply resonate with those at least familiar with Catholicism and its traditions, rituals, and terminology, Adams for the most part keeps her language more accessible and it can easily be appreciated by others, myself included, who are less familiar with Catholicism.

As a side note, yet worth mentioning, those hoping for any sort of political or social justice perspective on church views will likely be disappointed as Adams entirely avoids these areas and keeps "Our Lady of Hot Messes" about her own testimony and this lady, her hot messes, and the God who loves her through it all.

[Cecilia Cicone · Rating 1 out of 5]

This review is not necessarily of the author, her writing, and her story nearly as much as a review of the publisher and the editing process. There is a good story here, but it is disorganized and the purpose of telling it is unclear. This in and of itself doesn’t merit a one star review, but the complete lack of consideration for the reader regarding the explicit traumatic details in the story makes it such that I cannot possibly recommend someone read this book. Books involving stories of serious trauma must take into account the likelihood that the reader has been traumatized, and this book was irresponsible in this regard.

[Liz Alexander · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love listening to Adams's voice and hearing her perspective on all things Catholic, race, mothering, and more. Her honesty is crucial to American Catholicism and her voice is one of the most important that I've been reading and following for the past several years.

My heart breaks that this book didn't land for me. The stories are powerful and her passion is evident, but the writing was inconsistent.

It's worth a read, and maybe this is on me, but I was left wishing the writing was more polished.

[Jaime K · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautiful, heartwrenching, and real, just as I have come to expect from Leticia Ochoa Adams over the past almost decade I have been following her.

It is also fantastic writing, and Leticia pulls the reader through twists and turns of her life, not linearly yet still in a comprehensive way that we can see the pieces of her that have been putting her story together since before she was born. Through it all, she centers around God's love and Catholic teaching, including the fact that we humans are free to make our own choices, and boundaries keep us safe from the worst ones. She also constantly brings us back to her eldest son Anthony's suicide, because who she has become over the past few years is due to that tragedy. While a lot of the cursing was edited out, the vibe is still there. After all, if we can't be honest with God about our thoughts and feelings, then does it really matter if we're talking to him nice-nice?

In typical Leticia fashion, she also drives home:
- the importance of having people who imitate Christ within the church
- the need to grieve in one's own way, with the knowledge that prayer does not always work the way we want it to
- God patiently waits for us to talk and listen to Him
- trauma can stem from others' choices and situations, but we control our own choices and how we address/work through personal situations

I love how she relates the G code to Catholicism

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

Poorly written with little to no continuity. Author makes very broad overreaching statements about life and faith.

[Gregory · Rating 5 out of 5]

Leticia Adams’ debut book is a powerful, honest and deeply perceptive series of reflections on grief, suffering, and realistic faith. Her style steers clear of affectation; her insights are nonetheless arresting, humbling and spiritually nourishing.

If I could, I would put Our Lady of Hot Messes face forward on every RCIA bookshelf and church literature rack, for starters. It would stand out for its accessibility and conversational quality, likewise for its penetrating wisdom and humor.

If you’re wondering whether to check this book out, take the chance. There is not a book I would recommend more right now.

[Isabella · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found her writing very scattered. A difficult read for me. I was looking forward to this book but ended up skimming most of it.

[Megan Ulrich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in 3 days and loved every inch of it. So much truth, beauty and realness.
It’s refreshing to read a book by a Catholic mom that isn’t a SAHM of 25 kids who is a liturgical living guru. (I still love them too!) So many people need to hear the message in this book: that God loves us and doesn’t abandon us even when life is messy and tragic and we cuss too much.
I bought 3 copies…one to keep, one to giveaway and one to put in our parish library.

[Teri · Rating 5 out of 5]

The bio at the end of the book says that Leticia Ochoa Adams “has focused her work on being a witness to suffering and God’s healing.”

It’s good to read a book that deals with suffering and remains real about following God in the midst of it.

If you’re trying to follow God and wondering how trauma, anger, racism, community, Hooters, parenting mistakes, and cussing at terrible drivers fit in, you will love this book like I did.

[benjamin uhlenkott · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a difficult book to review. On one-hand, I’d like to encourage people to read this book. The author’s stories in this book could help people who struggle with faith to know what a ‘faith lens’ might look like and to begin to view their life differently as well as begin anew. On the other-hand, I started asking myself why I should care enough to finish the book after about 50 pages. The author has went through a considerable amount of trauma and her faith has helped her grow from those experiences. That’s the great part to read.

[residentoddball · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good, easy read. Leticia's testimony of her own life is compelling, her writing is conversational and engaging. How she connects it to her faith, especially Catholicism, seems weak. I wish she went deeper. This seems like a collection of blog posts more than a cohesive book. But still insightful and enjoyable, and a great reminder that God's awe comes in all forms.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this hilarious and heartbreaking memoir, Leticia Ochoa Adams reminds the reader that you don't have to be perfect or pure to be a Catholic--Jesus loves you in all your hot messness.

She talks a lot about generational trauma and how it informed her own life--which included sexual abuse from the ages of 5 to 9, teenage pregnancy, divorce, and her son's suicide. In fact, the suicide of her oldest child, Anthony, is a recurring topic throughout the book (for obvious reasons). That she has survived and even thrived, despite the difficulty of her life, is a testament to faith. Some more conservative Catholics might find some of her stories shocking, but she represents the best of the new Catholic church. #OurLadyofHotMesses #NetGalley

[Sheila · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an ARC of, Our Lady of Hot Messes, by Leticia Ochoa Adams. This in not your typical Catholic conversion story, not at all. Leticia's story is inspiring, the loss of her son, and the way she became a Catholic through all of it, is amazing.

[Maria Reagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was too hard to put this book down so I read it all in one sitting. This is despite Ochoa Adams reflecting on just about every type of trauma in a personal and unflinching manner that could absolutely become overwhelming and unreadable. What a beautiful witness to the transformative power of grace even in the most challenging circumstances!

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's a lot real wisdom in this book. Grateful for the author offering her story and all the lessons she's learned from it.

[Missy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for which I don't really believe I am the ideal audience. Still, some chapters really resonated with me and I hope Letitia keeps writing.

[Jean Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I voluntarily received a copy of this book from Ave Maria Press. Our Lady of Hot Messes: Getting Real with God in Dive Bars and Confessionals All views are mine.

While at times this memoir suffers from redundancies and surface observations, it is a quick and easy read. In that it is not untypical of recent titles by social media “faith” influencers turned book authors; it reads like a series of blog posts rather than a crafted narrative.

What kept me reading was Letitia Ochoa Adam’s honesty, wit, and willingness to wade into life messes that defy easy tidying (including generational poverty and trauma, suicide of a child, miscarriage). Because of the short chapters, it was a breezy read. I finished the entire book in one afternoon, with some of my assumptions challenged.

For example, I found refreshing Ochoa Adam’s stark advice to trust God but also clean up our own messes: one chapter is titled “Give everything to God, but get your life together.” I appreciated how she meshed guidance from her therapist with that of our shared faith. And I was intrigued with her interpretation of Pope John Paul’s Theology of the Body teachings, which more typically is faulted with maintaining the Church’s traditionalist sexual ethics and status quo—as helpful in understanding the sad cycle of generational trauma due to sin.

The many truths I encountered in Ochoa Adams’s experiences as a poor woman, a brown woman, and a convert explain why my paperback now bristles with post-it notes marking passages for additional study. I am glad I kept reading.

[Reading Through the Lists · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find it difficult to rate memoir. It’s not as though I’m judging the author’s story or experience, merely how well that story was communicated to me, the reader.

In Our Lady of Hot Messes, each chapter is a fairly self-contained entry dealing with some aspect of Adams’ life--her upbringing in an Tejano/indigenous family, the suicide of her oldest son and its aftermath, her current life on the land in central Texas. While her personal experiences are certainly the most compelling aspect of the story, I think treating each chapter as a discreet entity worked against the book as a whole, as information was frequently introduced in a way that felt random or repetitive. I never got a sense of narrative, that the story was building to some conclusion. Instead, the book frequently circles back to some point or story that was already made in a previous chapter. Instead of a series of (sometimes unrelated) life lessons, I think Our Lady of Hot Messes should have just been…well, a memoir. A life story.

Adams has an intense and heartbreaking story and her honesty about her past, her family, and her own mistakes is admirable. But I think the book needed a few more edits to bring it to its best and most compelling form.

3 stars.

[JoAnna · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is a victim of either over-editing or poor editing. Laeticia has great stories to tell, but there’s not much new here beyond what she’s shared on blogs, radio or social media. Admittedly I am not a fan of Ave Maria Press’s tendency to structure these kind of “memoirs” as collections of short chapter vignettes that each have a cute theme about Jesus. Those messages will come out if the editor just let the authors tell more of their story. But the book read as if they were trying to tie off each chapter too neatly.

Adams has a reputation for being raw and real, but a lot of the chapters felt short and sanitized. I would have liked it if she went deeper into her exploration of grief, or shared more about how it impacted her marriage. She writes more about her son than about her husband.

That said, the chapter on the rosary was really lovely and well done. Just disappointed that the editor didn’t craft this into its full potential.

[Anna Keating · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grateful to Leticia for changing the kinds of Catholic stories that are told, the kinds of Catholic speakers who are booked, and the kinds of Catholic books that are published by presses like Ave Maria. Also grateful to her for talking about things like the importance of therapy. Religion is a terrible substitute for therapy. Apples and oranges. Grateful to her for sharing her sorrows and not concealing them. We need more of that in church basements. I heard her speak once about Anthony at a conference and just wept.

I hope in her next books that she revisits these stories and others with more sensory details. I wanted to know what her Tio Roy looked like. What he smelled like. How he walked. His favorite brand of cigarettes. Just wanted to get to know these characters better. I wanted to know what the color of the carpet was in his house. All of that. But that's a different style of writing less essay and more memoir.

I hope Leticia and all of us can stay off social media and write more books. Can avoid feeling the need to respond to every of the moment hot take or controversy with a quick dopamine hit and can go deeper and think more slowly. I love that she emphasizes that healing was the main message of Jesus and also her insight on her own/ our own social media addiction, "[Social media] is traumatic and our systems are not created to handle it." Goodreads is pretty chill, as it's just a list of books and book reviews, but we're not actually able to process all the bad news happening everywhere in the world in our pockets all the time and it can keep us from dealing well with the things we can actually do something about.

Also, I would just say Leticia has adopted a pretty trad theology with some anti-racism and anti-capitalism sprinkled in (which can be very trad as well). I will be interested to see how and if it changes and she goes along in her journey. I keep thinking she would love Greg Boyle, SJ but maybe not and that's cool too. She's definitely a hardcore Catholic as she herself admits and tends toward hardline x is good, y is bad type pronouncements in terms of ideas, but in her life and relationships she tends to love to spend time with all kinds of people who think all kinds of things so that's interesting and might be something else she delves into down the road. How she holds those two threads.

Mostly it's super hard to write a book. So bravo.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Leticia writes of growing up with trauma and poverty and not coming out unscathed in this sassy, easy-to-read, vulnerable memoir that lets us share in her I'm-not-perfect and I-don't-have-all-the-answers journey of faith. She doesn't focus on "what did I do wrong?" She survives the consequences of her life, including some poor choices she really admits to. She rises from her trauma but doesn't drag her readers through the details for which I'm grateful. This along with her gritty spunkiness made Our Lady of Hot Messes an entertaining and easy read. The read is short, 137 pages, and at times she left me wanting more. I thoroughly enjoyed her last chapters, "Popping the Catholic Bubble" and "I'm Praying the Rosary like a Loser."

This book encourages readers in its message that Jesus doesn't abandon us when we make poor choices or cuss at Him when we pray. (No cuss words, FYI. Thank you Ave Maria Press.)

[shawn m chapman · Rating 5 out of 5]

The World needs this book!

I’ve been following the author for a long time on FaceBook and reading her blog posts. She has always said what I wished someone would say even though I didn’t know I wished that until she made me laugh out loud or feel totally seen by a Catholic writer in a way I had not felt before. I know a lot of her story but her book still enlightened and inspired me. I admire her honesty and courage. I love her personality. She never fails to impart much needed wisdom to me. O.L.o.H.M. Challenged me and sometimes surprised me. I loved every minute of it. I was so exited to get it and even though I have been so busy I read it over two days. I will ponder it for many to come. Thank you Leticia Ochoa Adams for giving us this book! Still smiling. 🙌🏼🕊♥️

[Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in one day, most of it in one sitting. I was captivated and inspired by Adams' honesty and vulnerability. Her writing is like a gentle hug; it meets you where you're at and pushes you to dig deep and move towards inner-healing. A great read for anyone who has struggled to let God into their past wounds and traumas (which, I think is all of us in some form). Adams' shows that the road to holiness is messy and anything but easy, but that God is ready and waiting to take us by the hand and walk with us every step of the way.

[Pixismiler · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75 stars. The content of the book is pretty good. I’m not so much a fan of the layout. A lot of the story felt a little repetitive. I do think there’s a large audience that may really love this book. I do think her editors and publishers did her a disservice. It feels very unpolished. Like certainly this can’t be the final draft and yet it is. I do like how she said some people use religion and piety to avoid their own demons. Overall I think the content is good. I do think it could’ve been even better had the editors and publishers done their job.

[Maureen]

Ms. Ochoa Adams is honest and real and her witness and style would appeal to many people. The vulnerable sharing by the author of her families background, experiences, triumphs and tragedies is moving . insights that she has gained while getting healthy are awesome. In the trenches ,every woman point of view and no fear of touching on hard topics make this author relatable .written in a very impact ful way while also !making the reader feel like they are sitting around the table listening.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a convert to Catholicism so I am drawn to people's stories, especially where their Catholic Faith plays a big part in their life or helps them survive unimaginable events. I have long followed Leticia Ochoa Adams on social media and was very happy to be approved to read an ARC of her story.

Adams talks about her life in the book. Her childhood, her teenage years, and both being married and being a single mom. Just one aspect of her story is enough to make many people wonder how she still moves forward. When you put the whole story together and add to it the death of her oldest son, what is in the pages is a story that is heartbreaking, powerful, thought-provoking, and for Catholics in particular, an example of just what our faith represents and the power in living out the Catholic faith even when the last thing we want to do is talk to God.

I highlighted so many things in this book that struck me and cannot wait to see how this book resonates with other readers. Adams gives us a chance to get a big look into her life and how events in her own life have shaped her into the person she is. Her story is a reminder that we have have event that have shaped us. The important part is what we do with those events, what we allow our lives to be as a result.

I voluntarily received a copy of this book from Ave Maria Press. All views are simply my honest opinion.

[Jen E · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a hard book to rate but really loved and appreciated what she has to say. There is so much in this short book she touched on, but gets her point across very clearly. I think everyone should read this book, Catholic or not. I do wish she went a tad more in detail, but then I also think some of her points would be lost. A very good and insightful read.

[Cab · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Leticia Adams. Her honesty is refreshing. The book is well written but maybe a bit tamed down versus how she writes on IG. If you take nothing else away from the book but the second paragraph on page 127 you have come out ahead.

[Charlotte Donlon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally. A spiritual memoir that won't make you roll your eyes. This book is fantastic. I love the author's voice, honesty, humor. All of it.