How to Listen so Men will Talk: 4 Steps to Get Men Talking About Their Mental Health

by Tom Chapman

In the USA suicide is the nations 10th-leading cause of death, in 2019 white males accounted for 69% of suicide deaths, these shocking figures have made us all wake up to the fact we need to encourage men to talk about their feelings. For some, the stigma and taboo around mental health make it a difficult subject to speak about or 'admit' to due to shame of being seen to be weak, especially in men. What can you do about it? What steps can you take, that could make a real difference to the men around you - and point them toward the right help? Tom Chapman is the founder of mental health charity the Lions Barber Collective (LBC), set up to raise awareness for the prevention of suicide. This book uses the LBC's established training approach, to gives you the tools you need to play a supportive role and listen effectively. This effective Four Pillars approach was created with the help of psychiatrists and mental health professionals and teaches you

Genres: Self Help

224 pages, Paperback

Published April 19, 2022

Reviews

[Rena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very easy read, I think it does a good job of introducing one into the world of mental health and its importance, and holding meaningful conversations with people in a way that ensures you listen without armchair diagnosis. There was an interesting distinction made between how men prefer to communicate side by side with someone rather than with direct eye contact and how they would be more likely to be comfortable in situations where they were participating in activities whilst having vulnerable conversations, something the author linked to his job as a barber.
I do think emphasis should be placed on its introductory nature due to the shortness of the book, and for me I already knew a lot of the information which was given, with brief new discoveries of different conversation categorisations and men's behaviour during vulnerability. However, it is genuinely helpful to read the ways you can approach people when you're concerned about them, the things you do/don't say, how to handle implications of suicide, and when to know not to push/knowing you're not the "right" person for them to open up to.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is an essential read. It is geared towards helping men open up about mental health, but the tips can be applied to anyone. There is a big focus on listening, the different types and to be fair, you can use these tips in your daily life, not just when you notice signs in other people!

[Sasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really nice introduction to supporting men’s mental health

[Victoria Claire Claire Tayor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Easy reading
More for people that really don’t know how to speak to others about any feelings or emotions or experiences.
I just found it maybe aimed for teenagers

[Ana Copping · Rating 3 out of 5]

A big summary of what information I want to share within this book.

It’s a great foundation drawing from key principles that I am personally familiar with however I believe for anyone that knows someone who is struggling it is a simple guideline that can be used to spark a genuine conversation to help someone in need.

The four steps: Recognise, Ask, Listen, Help

Recognise- What are the signs? How can we identify when someone is struggling, it’s both the big changes and subtleties.

Ask- Creating safety and rapport is so important if you want a genuine conversation with people. Most people won’t want to open up fully to a complete stranger. Take the time to lay a safe foundation for them to unload.

Listen- Trying to fix and relate to a problem rather than actively listening to the person can make the individuals problem worse. Bite your tongue and be present to what that person is saying, they may not actually have anyone in their life that has actually heard them. Being fully present is powerful.

Help- Find out resources around you that you can refer friends to if they are ever in need. Whether that be run clubs, gardening groups, book club something that involves a task to be accomplished and can connect people.

Feel the fear and sit in the uncomfortable feeling as a listener, this allows for growth and deeper connection.
Seek out help being everyone’s ear is an overwhelming task. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

One of my favourite parts was when Tom said he has a reminder on his phone every Monday at 9:27am to “text someone”. To reach out to a friend and text them something he’s proud of them for or why he’s grateful they are in his life. What a beautiful way to start the week.