I'll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife and Motherhood

by Jessi Klein

"Sometimes I think about how much bad news there is to tell my kid, the endlessly long, looping CVS receipt scroll of truly terrible things that have happened, and I want to get under the bed and never come out. How do we tell them about all this? Can we just play Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire and then brace for questions? The first of which should be, how is this a song that played on the radio?"

In New York Times bestselling author and Emmy Award-winning writer and producer Jessi Klein's second collection, she hilariously explodes the cultural myths and impossible expectations around motherhood and explore the humiliations, poignancies, and possibilities of midlife.

In interconnected essays like "Listening to Beyonce in the Parking Lot of Party City," "Your Husband Will Remarry Five Minutes After You Die," "Eulogy for My Feet," and "An Open Love Letter to Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent," Klein explores this stage of life in all its cruel ironies, joyous moments, and bittersweetness.

Written with Klein's signature candor and humanity, I'll Show Myself Out is an incisive, moving, and often uproarious collection.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Parenting, Audiobook, Humor, Biography Memoir

7 pages, Audible Audio

First published April 26, 2022

About the author

Jessi Klein is an American comedy writer and stand-up comic based out of New York City. Klein has regularly appeared on shows such as The Showbiz Show with David Spade and VH1's Best Week Ever and has performed stand-up on Comedy Central's Premium Blend. She provided commentary for CNN in the debates of the 2004 presidential election. A self-proclaimed "geek", Klein has appeared on the television specials for My Coolest Years: Geeks on VH1 and Rise of the Geeks on E!. Klein also provided the voice of Lucy in the animated pilot for Adult Swim's Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil.

Klein previously worked as a director of development for Comedy Central. Some of the shows she helped develop for the network were Chappelle's Show and Stella. She was the head writer and executive producer of Inside Amy Schumer.

Reviews

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm the ideal audience for this book-- I had my first child last year and I'm a privileged white woman. Yet, is anyone as privileged as Jessi Klein? The money and resources Klein had access to was substantial. So, even though she had plenty of accurate and at times funny insights into motherhood it really didn't feel relatable or that she should be a voice of new moms. Also, I'm not sure why she was SO surprised at EVERYTHING related to babies when she was into her 40s having her first kid. She had plenty of time and money to educate herself. I think she tried to take the angle "us ladies don't have ANY information before becoming moms!!" but um, no, a lot of us have valued motherhood prior to becoming moms and took the time to learn things. I don't know, the whole thing was just weird even if much of the content was reasonably enjoyable.

[Faith · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can’t find a better word other than “trivial” to describe this author’s annoying problems. Maybe “privileged” can be thrown in there, too. Why did i waste my time reading this garbage of a person dwell and complain for entire chapters about pointless issues?! WHY?! As a mother, I literally have amnesia of the problems she went through because I had to deal with so much more pressing issues. Id be thrilled if I only went through what she dedicates an entire book on. THRILLED. Paying someone to install a car seat for you?! What?! Then proceeding to dedicate an entire chapter complaining thereafter? Seriously? Who?! Then another chapter about her desire to become a lesbian one day and another bashing her husband pretending he finds a new person immediately after she dies? Who give a sh*t, you’re dead. And maybe he should anyway bc you’ve clearly moved on while you were alive. And when will she shut-up about things that aren’t even funny? I appreciated her small metaphors and clung onto them so heavily in hopes for more depth and a yearning to relate because I didn’t want to admit that I wasted my money and time on this book, but it NEVER came. I repeat, it NEVER CAME. I threw her book onto a free book pile at the local book store because it deserves to be free. And as she says, a pamphlet because, man I wish I got my time back!! I would have rather read a book on potty training than this trash.

[Yelena Gitlin Nesbit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Literally cannot say enough good things about this book. Jessi Klein is a national treasure and patron saint of real-talk moms. Whether extolling the blessing of a certain kind of jumpsuit, questioning the proliferation of “mama” necklaces or being honest about what happens inside your head when your reading a book for your kid for the 1000th time, Klein will have you screaming “omg yes!” And if you grew up in the 70s/80s, you’re really in for a treat. But Klein also writes with beautiful and heartbreaking sensitivity about the painful and bittersweet parts of raising a child and raising yourself. Basically you will laugh, you will cry and you will laugh again. You may also toy with the idea of kidnapping Jessi Klein and making her your best friend 🤷🏻‍♀️

[britt_brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Klein waxes honestly on new motherhood, her anxieties and cluelessness, and the struggle to feel comfortable in her body. Some readers will identify, some won’t, and that’s okay. I’m tired of reviewers claiming that privileged white people aren’t allowed to *gasp* have problems nor write about them. Memoir Police: Tell me, what are the parameters for writing about personal experiences? There are none? Stop tearing other women down.

[Emmkay · Rating 2 out of 5]

What the subtitle says. I’m well past the childbirth and early childrearing years that Klein is writing about, but I definitely had some pangs of recognition. As I read, I found myself pinging between those occasional pangs and other feelings of ‘oh, I CAN’T relate to that one.’ I’m not usually a weathervane in search of relatability when I read, but I think I was here because Klein herself is insistent on relatability and universality about motherhood when she writes. All in the context of a fairly narrow experience of parenting, in a bicoastal two-parent family that can afford day and night nannies and Montessori. She’s right, of course, that there are shared experiences, but the quest for relatability was too much for me. I found it distracting, and also somewhat formulaic in application - all the essays follow a similar format: humourous (often not my taste in humour though), sweary realness about some minutiae of life as parent/partner (losing your patience trying to get the car seat done up, losing your patience trying to get to use the washroom solo, losing your patience while trying to wrangle your child into using a public toilet for the first time, etc), wrapped up with some sage insight gleaned.

[Sml8890 · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't really agree with all the great reviews. Understandably being a mother to a little boy is hard work sometimes, especially if you also have a job but she just makes it sound dreadful.
I know it is supposed to be funny but in the end I really felt bad for her. I failed to grasp how someone who underwent fertility treatments to have a child is then so surprised that it isn't all butterflies and rainbows. One would think that she thought about that before. There certainly is humor to be found in raising a child I just couldn't find it in this book.

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A few of the essays are incredibly moving, genre-winning observations about motherhood with a toddler, but these are clouded out by a heavy amount of pretentious writing that assumes a certain universality of experiences. When the author goes deeper, it's wonderful. As a collection, these essays aren't ones I'd recommend in an already rich genre.

[Amina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ll Show Myself Out is relatable as hell, witty, fresh, and hilarious. I listened to this book, and recommend everyone get the audio version . Jessi Klein reads like stand up comedy, making it all the more fun.

This is the story of a 40 something woman navigating age, a new baby, and all the random ramblings of a woman thinking about things that aren’t always spoken. Like the underwear sandwich we need after delivering a baby (read to find out more). I laughed out loud!

Klein is honest to a fault, doesn’t fluff her truth, and remains interesting. I read many reviews criticizing her for her privilege, the night nannies, the day nannies, but, isn’t that ok? I don’t believe Klein wrote this book to speak for all mothers. I never had a nanny, but with my last child, I got help once week.

So, she wasn’t the perfect, exhausted mother, she was still honest, and for that she deserves credit. Every story doesn’t have to be written from a place of struggle. Isn’t it ok to be ok and still complain? We are human after all. Yes, I get that she did complain about her kid a lot, but it was still funny.

While I found the essays to be hilarious, I didn’t love all of them. There was one in particular, titled, “My Future Lesbian Wife,” the cynicism didn't translate. It didn’t make sense with the rest of the essays. Maybe Klein needs to explore that in a separate book (ha). There was another one about Nate Berkus that read like a ramble, which she could have done without.

”The truth is that motherhood is a hero's journey. For most of us, it's not a journey outward, to the most fantastic and farthest-flung places, but inward, downward, to the deepest parts of your strength, to the innermost buried core of everything you are made of but didn't know was there.”

Overall, a fun, hilarious read!

4/5 stars

[Kailey (kmc_reads)]

I listened to about 30% and while I'm in the thick of it with 2 toddlers, this felt very negative and I couldn't relate as much. I think I'm an outlier because I've heard great things!

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

There's a fine line between acknowledging one's feelings about perceived challenges and wallowing in self-pity. I am still learning how to walk that line, and generally am quite well-wallowed, so I can't judge how and where the author is in that journey as well. I will say that parts of this book made me cry - sometimes with laughter about the acknowledgement of how ridiculous parenting is - sometimes about someone actually verbalizing the truly terrible thoughts that have haunted me as a parent. I am so absolutely starving for anyone to identify with the broad spectrum of parenting that I truly devoured this book.

So why the low rating? Well for one I just can't rate books with a lot of profanity well. It's who I am. In this case it was a double blow, because while some of the language is "played for laughs" a lot of it is coming from a place of true rage, and while I acknowledge I have absolutely been there, I found it intensely feeding my own self-pity rage. This really leads into the second reason, which is while I felt so seen and so amused by bits, I'd say maybe 2/3rds felt like self-pity indulgence. Again, I've been there. If I had the energy? tenacity? motivation? to actually write it down I'm sure most if not all of the topics would come up. I mean, I'm pretty sure every mother despite sexuality has dreamed of having a wife because when you 24/7 care for someone (or multiple someones) you can't help but fantasize about having just one person who will care for you on the level you're caring for others. So while it's probably hypocritical to say "no judgement" because I am literally giving a star rating judgement, I get it. I just also know that while it's nice? to know other people are there, spending 10-30 minutes of an audiobook in a fantasy about "what ifs" doesn't leave me personally with more than a growing bitterness about my situation.

Therefore, the rating. On average it was "ok" so that's how we're at Goodread's two stars. Quite honestly it was more like a 4-5 star for 1/3rd, 1-2 stars for 2/3rds. I don't regret reading it. In fact, I'm glad I did. But I also am not sure I could recommend the entirety, and even the parts I would recommend would have to come with a caveat due to the profanity.

P.S. As many other reviews have pointed out, it can feel...upsetting to have someone complain about parenting when they have a full-time night nurse and a full-time nanny. I tried to ignore that fact because all people are different and I appreciated that she repeatedly said how privileged she is to have those resources. Parenting is hard no matter what was my takeaway. In fact, setting aside any bitter envy, it was almost nice to know that even if I did have this that and the other thing I'd probably still be in this place, so it's a "me" issue. Which is simultaneously the best and worst realization as always.

[Alli Shoemaker · Rating 2 out of 5]

Felt out of touch with sprinkles of really good stuff in there. When she actually wrote about big ideas or universal experiences I was all in, but it was mostly rich people problems if I’m being entirely honest. She literally hired someone to install a car seat for her. I also have a different parenting style so I couldn’t relate to a lot of her anxieties.

[Christopher Febles · Rating 3 out of 5]

A comedy writer and former stand-up star shares her thoughts about having a kid later in life. No, it ain’t easy, and ain’t always fun. Made a little tougher when you’re trying to hold a job at the same time.

Each essay here is a little different, but one theme seems to run through it all: to have a family, you give up some individuality, some freedom, some cultural experiences. Klein tells her truth here, sharing that sometimes she wishes she could go out with friends or see some sights, and she often laments the life she might’ve had. She doesn’t care if that’s not a PC opinion but isn’t overly brash or combative about it. Clearly, she wouldn’t go back and do it differently, but she just daydreams. She’s hinting, I think, that we should all be OK with that.

There’s an essay here that details her struggle to find a Halloween costume for her son. He’s a little particular, a little tied to a super-specific routine and expectations. Thus, no situation could be perfect. He’ll flip out if things aren’t ok. The poor kid: he wouldn’t take the candy because he was so upset, and even took it away from mom! I’ll bet many of us can relate.

I’d say this was more “funny perspective” than LOL-funny. You’ll grin at the frustrating-but-true adventures of parenthood. Many of you will enjoy the pop-culture references. She describes many situations with spiraling doom: she slowly details things falling apart…just as she predicted they would. That put me in mind of a rom-com or madcap adventure. I smiled a lot, so she did her job.

The audiobook was read by the author, and she did an excellent job. It’s a good entry in the parenting / reflection / memoir genre.

[Kat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well written and witty stories of motherhood. But left me feeling sad and frustrated. The author boasts about having a full time nanny during the day plus a nighttime nanny all night. And yet complains about how hard motherhood is. I wish she could go back and try doing it again with less childcare help- maybe she could have formed a better bond with her baby which would have made the whole motherhood journey something to enjoy instead of dread.

[Jquick99 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn’t know who the author was when I got the audiobook from the library.

Most of the stories/vignettes are about how tough it is being a mom to a 3 yo. She had NO idea it would be this exhausting. She seems so “who knew?” so much, I thought the son was unplanned. The author does admit they were totally unprepared knowledge wise (even though they do seem to have a lot of products) to care for a baby. It seems I did more research on how to care for a puppy than they did.

Then, after about half way in, I learned she had In Vitro. So, she went way out of her way (and nature) to have this child. Then we find out that not only does she have a day time nanny, but she had (has?) a nanny for the night time too! And a nanny travels with the family. WTF?

The author tries to come across as a regular “real” person, but she’s clearly not.

[Kailin Hegel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Girl…..

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny collection of essays about middle age and motherhood that were utterly relatable and easy to listen to narrated by the author on audio. A sketch comedy writer for SNL (among other things), the author shares stories about body image, self-love (even when your hair is falling out) and trying (and failing) to do it all as a working mother. Worth a listen if you enjoy motherhood memoirs told with humor and heart.

[Andrea]

I wanted more midlife and less motherhood. This was a book club read.

Maybe it’s because I potty trained someone 6 years ago and need to do it again soon and don’t want to think about it, or because I’m currently dealing with a super picky eater (no asparagus risotto for him), but I didn’t connect with this collection. There’s a lot of “my child didn’t behave the way I dreamed/expected him to, and that’s super frustrating” and while I absolutely relate to that, I don’t really want to read about it. Maybe because I read too many parenting blogs at one point and this feels too much like them. Some of the essays felt like they could have been a twitter thread. Other readers may feel very seen by it, and I love that for them. Maybe in 5 years I’ll feel differently.

She was too surprised that experienced, highly recommended night nurses could easily read her baby’s needs and then meet them, despite being super clear that she and her husband had zero baby experience and these folks….it’s their actual job to be this good! She claims “no one tells you” about the ice pack diaper situation post birth, but I do find that “everybody” says that, and it’s not true. I showed my friends the ice packs and pads. They knew.

Overall I wish I got more Jessi in this book, less “Asher’s mom,” as one playmate called her. I know it’s a collection about motherhood, so really I’m just a crankpot.

[Jenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Torn on this one. On the one hand, Klein has some very funny moments and poignant commentary on the state of being a woman and birthing person. On the other, there is a tremendous amount of privilege, body shaming, and downright complaining. I don't think she appropriately saved her body-shaming essays with the hair loss essay, but I may be in the minority. I am not the ideal audience for this book and I don't buy mothering as the Hero's Journey (long commentary on how a woman's journey is functionally separate from that of child-rearing, but I digress), so the first few essays did not land. Further, I vehemently disagree with her essay in defense of alcohol, not because of the narrative of bad mothering and alcohol, but because alcohol is f*cking stupid. She could've dug into how the alcohol industry exploits women or parents, but instead, have a glass of wine and xanax and hand the baby to the nanny because you can barely tolerate your life? Yikessss.

2.5 stars rounded down because I kept waiting for this book to get better and it didn't.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I laughed out loud. I had tears in my eyes at times. I feel seen. Wish I could be friends with Jessi, we have a lot in common!

Thanks for normalizing long term pregnancy weight gain, female hair loss and all the other things that often come along with motherhood and aging.

[Bern · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. I couldn’t stand listening to her whining and unhappiness longer.

[Gail · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started listening to I’ll Show Myself Out from comedian Jessi Klein on Mother’s Day, which made for the perfect day to dive into this bold collection of essays that tackles the topic of parenthood with “brutal honesty, candid emotion, and humor” (Publishers Weekly).

I was only a few essays in before I was ready to press this book into the hands of every woman I know who, like me, is between the ages of 30 and 40 and the parent of young children. “Read this so you don’t feel so alone or misunderstood," I want to say to them. "Also, so you can laugh a lot. Because you need a dose of that right now.”

Any mother who's being honest and secure enough with herself can admit this role is TOUGH (despite social media influencers who want to convince us otherwise). So I appreciate someone who, with essays like “The Car Seat” and “Bread and Cheese” (about the tendencies of children who are picky eaters) validates the modern-day frustrations of a job that is simultaneously the most challenging and most rewarding that most of us will ever take on.

In PW’s starred-review of this read, mention is given to how, in between moments of hilarity, Klein drops in unexpected glimpses of joy—her reminder that “being a parent is a lot like having a dream … Most of it, even when it’s ugly, is beautiful.”

It might take being a parent to unpack those words, but I whole-heartedly endorse the sentiment.

Also, if you do wind up reading this one, audio is 100 percent the way to go. Klein does an excellent job with the narration. I was sad to reach the end, having taken an odd degree of comfort in the dry delivery and dark humor of her words.

Related: One of my favorite essays in the book is “An Open Love Letter to Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent". It’s a lovely little read, but even MORE lovely was seeing how the power couple surprised her during her May 19, 2022 appearance on the TODAY Show.

An excellent Vanity Fair interview with Klein, who, by now, has become a comedic author crush of mine. Jessi, will you be my Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent?!

[Basic B's Guide · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick and fantastic listen. Perfectly suited for new mothers or mothers of toddlers. It took me back to the days of feeding debacles, sweating my ass off while installing car seats and the joys of potty training (I tease).

Jessi is funny and real and doesn’t hold back. She’s self-aware and some might call her privileged but she doesn’t that already.

Thank you to Harper Audio for the gifted listening copy. I already have a list of people I’ll be recommending this great listen to.

[Kate Meberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded up. I’m sorry to say this book did not meet my expectations. I expected to feel a certain kinship to a fellow mother, but it’s really hard for me to relate to someone with her level of privilege and with one who stated she relies on drinking alcohol to make herself a better parent. There is also an underlying current where the author talks about her weight gain/body image and how she’s fine (but not), I can see how that message could be triggering for many women.

[Terzah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another funny one from Klein (and another Gen X essay-memoir for me). Some parts of this were so laugh-out-loud that I read them to various people who happened to be in the room with me, including my teenage twins, who I think don't believe they ever did things like Klein describes her small son doing (but they did). She structures the book around Joseph Campbell's metaphor of the hero's journey. Mothers embody that journey, she says: "...there is no more 'superhuman deed' than steadfastly caring for and feeding your child and not giving in to the temptation to flee the entire situation."

The potty training chapter was especially good. I remember after potty training our twins (a relative thing, because our son didn't stop wetting his bed until he was 8....but he was day-trained), I said I never wanted to potty train any living creature again, including a dog. It would be only adult, already-housebroken dogs for us forever and ever. This dashed my daughter's hope of getting a puppy (she can get a puppy when she has her own place, with its own carpet...insert evil laugh).

Klein doesn't limit herself to motherhood. She also covers marriage, the pandemic, nostalgia for her own childhood, and grass-is-greener fantasies and worries ("Your Husband Will Remarry Five Minutes After You Die"). But the motherhood bits are where she's at her best and funniest. Looking at motherhood from a purely selfish perspective, I've long felt (since I came out of the early haze of it) that it's helped me grow up or maybe finish the process of growing up. This isn't to say that people who don't have children never grow up. But having kids was necessary for me personally to do it, and I sense that in Klein too.

The last few pages of the book are beautiful. The hero's journey ends with a boon, in Campbell's view. Klein writes: "When I think about the hero being graced with this boon....I mean, of course...the boon is my son. But also...maybe this metamorphosis has been the boon." The last paragraphs recount her vision of someday meeting her adult son for lunch. I have similar visions for my two kids. They already like me to tell them stories about things they can't remember, and I already like to hear their stories of the things they do remember (and things they did that I didn't know about....hmmm....). Those stories will multiply as they get older and do their own growing. We're never finished growing. And growing, for me and for Klein, has been made better by the surprising boon of our children.

[Union County Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection of essays explores the impossible expectations, joys and frustrations of motherhood. Jessi Klein’s essays are relatable, easy to read and laugh out loud funny. The tales are told with both humor and heart and are touching and spot-on. A quick read with a humorous look at motherhood.

Jessi’s first collection of essays, You’ll Grow Out of It, focuses on her dating life, becoming a woman, getting married later in life, and the birth of her son. Yes, Please by Amy Poehler is another memoir filled with heart and humor.

- Reviewed by Kimberly B. (UCL Volunteer)

[Allison Schroeder]

Seems like Jessi was even more ill-prepared for motherhood than me lmao she’s so funny

[Nusrah Javed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to be Jessi Klein’s friend and have endless conversations with her. She taps into the deepest thoughts you have as a parent, as a person and voices them so eloquently. There were days where certain essays in this collection gave me the courage to try and be a better parent, and some days like yesterday where my daughter was up coughing all night, the will to simply go on. Could not recommend it enough.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook, which I highly recommend. At times, I was laughing out loud enough that I had to be careful not to drink my coffee at the same time. My kids are 4 and 6 and I think I would probably start to be less interested in this collection if they were a bit older, and I probably would have adored this even more if it had come out when they were younger. As is, this was funny and thoughtful, and I found myself discussing it with friends as I was reading it.

[Zara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moms, please read this funny, heartbreaking, relatable, empowering books. So many of Klein’s observations are spot on, and I giggled so many times. I figured out a while ago that books about being a mother are among my favorite, and this one is supremely delightful.

[Joanna Weatherbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will be added to my *New Mom gift basket. Or to any mom, or parent, or human gift basket. Refreshingly honest, with no hold backs - I loved it.