A Terrible Beauty
(Another reviewer mentioned this book should contain a trigger warning for sexual abuse. I concur.)
From November 2018: Should I put down my initial reactions to this book now I've just finished listening to it? Or should I take time to digest it a little so I can be sure not to say anything off colour? Most people seem to agree this book is brilliant. I suppose it is. It's raw. It's brutal. It speaks of the natural world in a beautiful way. It also speaks of the natural world as seen from the point of view of a carnivore and an active predator and who likes to eat flesh still living or raw or as close to pulsing life as possible to get maximum energy from it. It speaks of beauty and horror combined, harshly and dispassionately.
We living in the "southern" parts of Canada can't begin to imagine the kinds of harsh and frigid cold the Inuit must face as part of their daily existence, the punishing quality of it. Kids are only let off school in the Great North when the weather hits minus 50 degrees Celsius or less (that's -58 Fahrenheit). Sexual abuse is so common that Tagaq's character speaks of being jealous when she sees her teacher touching other girls's private parts in the same way, because, one is led to understand, this is part of a young girl's "normal" sexual development in those parts. Many passages made me want to... I don't know... vomit? cry? lay down on the sidewalk trembling and foaming at the mouth? All told with this oh so gentle voice, all part of everyday life.
This is a place where people can't spare empathy for each other, much less for their animals. When there's not enough food for their dogs, they must be put down. When the fox population become too numerous, they starve and attack the children, so they must be exterminated, and Tagaq describes taking satisfaction from the popping sounds as they hit their targets while shooting at them, as part of a father/daughter bonding experience. There is no mystery about sex and certainly no such thing as modesty about it. Not in a world where parents and uncles and family friends regularly get blind drunk and children get high with whatever substance they can get their hands on, and I suppose one is naturally drawn to warm places. But Tagaq recounts all this with a clear, gentle, girlish... I want to say pure voice, and in between snatches of story/poetry there is the throat singing she is famous for, which is sometimes sublime and more often disconcerting and frankly disturbing, much like this book as a whole. That being said, if there ever was a book one should experience as an audiobook for the full effect, then this would be it.
Inextricably, melding the sordid with the sublime, there is the world of spirit and mythology. Ancient stories of humans transforming into sea creatures, who then take their vengeance on men for wrongs done to them. Representing man's endless struggle with cold and starvation and the unforgiving sea. There are astral voyages... out of body experiences she recounts as simply as if she were describing going to the store to buy a pint of milk; she lets her spirit roam to escape the horror of the violently drunk adults in the room, who are a regular feature of every young person's life. The Northern Lights are ever-present, and eventually, they impregnate her in a kind of psychedelic journey which yields actual babies, though whether they are fully human is never made clear. She tells all these stories in the first person, as if this has all been part of her personal experience, but you eventually figure out that she has weaved together the story of her people, perhaps of her generation. It is part memoir, part myth, part history, part fantasy, part fiction and part non-fiction too.
I'm not a prude, I'm certainly not religious and I've never been a Christian, but this book made me feel like a Puritan at times. Tagaq managed to shock me with the raw sexuality and sheer brutality she described. This book took on a nightmarish quality for me. The kind of nightmares which both seduce and repel you. You desperately want to wake up for them to stop, but then again you want to follow those strange creatures around that structure to see where they might take you, though your heart is pounding and you're absolutely certain you're about to die because you know they're leading you to something truly horrific and from which you won't possibly be able to escape.
Tagaq's mind, the culture she describes seems like it comes from a completely different universe, and perhaps the throat singing made it seem more so, certainly it made the whole thing take on a different dimension. I thought I knew something about the Great North and its people before, had some kind of notion at least, but no. And now, here is an opportunity to hear a creative, smart, multi-talented, deep-thinking woman, one with a gentle and kind voice no less, and she terrified me with the raw brutality of her poetry. I suppose that's what she set out to do. Shake us Southerners out of our complacency and our comfort zone. She managed that extremely well. Never did I feel so much like the "other". Or so damn white. And have to wonder: is that really such a bad thing? And why must I be apologizing? And must I? All questions which are big taboos if one is presumably liberal and loves all humanity equally. But when confronted with so much otherness, can one really not ask oneself those questions?
I will not say I loved this book. I did not. Nor did I like it. The same way I do not love the nightmares that visit me every night. My nightmares are filled with symbolism and strange creatures and memories that are sometimes my own and sometimes not, too. But nightmares, much like Tanya Tagaq, are trying to convey important messages to us, and like it or not, we must listen. Some of us might be enchanted by what she has to say, some of us will not be. All the same, I'm glad I listened to this book. It felt like an important thing to do, and it certainly had a terrible beauty. I'm just thankful my nightmares can't possibly be worse than they are already, or this book would have proved traumatic in a truly lasting way.
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