Trapped: My Life with Cerebral Palsy

by Fran Macilvey

Living in the Belgian Congo with her husband in the 1960s, Fran’s mother became pregnant with a daughter. However, right after she gave birth in the hospital, she felt strange. Unbeknownst to anyone, another daughter was on the way, but before anybody responded, an hour had passed. Because of the delay, Fran was born with cerebral palsy.

Growing up with her siblings in Africa, Fran always felt different. When everyone else was playing and having fun, she would watch and wish she could join in. After the family moved to Scotland and Fran grew older, her hurt turned into anger, self-hatred, and suicidal depression. Then one day, someone looked at her and saw a woman to love, and that was the start of her journey to self-acceptance.

Fran has written the painful truth about her life to help readers understand how disabled adults really feel. In her revealing account, she shows just how hard it is to maintain the appearance of a “normal” life. More importantly, out of her million and one mistakes have come lessons in real acceptance, peace, and joy, which she would like to share with her readers.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Disability, Biography, Autobiography, Biography Memoir, Inspirational

Audiobook

First published March 4, 2014

About the author

I was born in Congo in 1965. Returning to Scotland in 1972, I spent eight years at boarding school, before qualifying in law and practising as a solicitor for ten years. 'Trapped: My Life with Cerebral Palsy' (Skyhorse, New York) is my true story. Two follow-up books, 'Happinesss Matters' and 'Making Miracles' (self-help) share some of the lessons I learned from forty years of making mistakes.

I am currently writing a trio of novels which is nearing completion.

I live in Scotland with my husband and daughter. When not writing or editing, I enjoy public speaking, reading, horse-riding, singing in the shower, and dancing where no-one can see me.

You can contact me at franmacilvey@fastmail.com or leave a message at my website: https://www.franmacilvey.com

Reviews

[Lilo · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a strikingly honest memoir telling about the author’s life with cerebral palsy.

Coping physically with a disability is challenging enough. Add to this coping with the emotional part. Add to this the problems interacting with other people—people without disabilities.

What do people without disabilities know about what it feels like to live with disabilities? The answer is: very little!

And this is where the interaction problems begin. People are cruel, people are tactless, people are inconsiderate, and people are ignorant. Not all people are. There are people who are kind and helpful, yet they are, quite often, a bit at a loss when it comes to interact with a disabled person.

How should one act towards someone with a disability?

Should one pretend not to notice? This is silly. The disability is too obvious. Should one ask for how long the person has been “like this”? Sounds a bit tactless, doesn’t it? Or should one ask whether the person had been in an accident? This is what I have occasionally chosen. Yet I would always feel bad right after, realizing that—accident or birth defect—the disabled person would probably have to answer this question several times a day, 365 days a year, and this for decades. I would always be relieved when the person replied that it was an accident. Then, I could inquire about the accident and listen empathetically how the accident had happened, what injuries had been suffered, what progress had been made, etc., etc. It was always a bit embarrassing when the answer was that it was a birth defect. This came occasionally with a look, saying: ‘O.k., now you know that I am a genuine cripple. Are you feeling better now?’

And this is the reason why I, like so many other people, quite often, look away when I see someone with a disability. When I do this, I also feel bad, and I am sure that the disabled person, who in most cases will notice that I look away, will feel bad, as well.

I have not yet found the right way to act towards people with disabilities.

The only disabled person I ever felt comfortable with was a 3-miles-up-the-road neighbor, whom we met several times at a barbecue party held by one of our neighbors. This man, who was severely disabled from birth and sat in a wheel chair, had such dazzling humor that we laughed with him for hours every time we met him and completely forgot what he looked like. (Then, some 6 years ago, when we wanted to invite him ourselves and asked someone for his full name and phone number, we learned that he had been in a fatal car accident, only few weeks earlier, while we had been out of town. It was assumed that he had suffered a seizure before he crashed into another car. We are still mourning this man. I wish we had invited him earlier.)

Then, there is also the question when to offer help or assistance.—I have a bad back. This is why I use an electric cart at Walmart’s and also at the supermarket. It happens, quite often, that when I look at shelves pondering what to take, someone offers me help. This is so kind and well-meant. But it is also annoying because I don’t need any help. I can get out of the electric cart when I need to. I only use it to avoid backache.

So let’s face it: It is a problem for both sides, the disabled person and the not-disabled person.

I wish someone came up with a perfect solution. And I bet, so does Fran Macilvey.

For Fran, not only the physical problems are difficult to cope with from early childhood on; the emotional and interaction problems are, too. Even loving family members hurt Fran’s feelings.

The parents claim to treat Fran the same as her siblings. But do they really?

No, they are not treating her the same. It is not possible to treat her the same. And wherever and whenever Fran is treated the same, she is bound to over-exhaust herself or stay behind on family walks and hikes.

Understandably, Fran gets annoyed when she can’t keep up and they leave her struggling. Yet she also gets annoyed when someone offers her an arm to lean on. She wants to be self-reliant. For her family members, offering help is a “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t” situation. And Fran absolutely refuses to use a wheel chair.

The books starts with Fran telling how she keeps struggling along on the side of walkways, so not to get knocked over by joggers or other people who are in a hurry, yet she is, nevertheless, falling, hurting herself and/or landing in dog poop. When reading this, my first thought was: ‘Why on earth doesn’t she use a wheel chair?’ This is because I didn’t mind using a wheel chair when my back problems were at their worst. And this is probably because I was brought up NOT to be self-reliant. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, my mother insisted on doing everything for me, and while I found this annoying, it didn’t bother me enough to fight it. (Not that I was a submissive child; I just chose my battles wisely.) My mother did not wait on me hand on foot with the purpose to spoil me; she did it because she wanted everything done her way, not allowing the slightest difference from her routine. My husband was brought up the opposite way. So when we discussed Fran’s desire for self-reliance, my husband fully understood it. We eventually came to the conclusion that a compromise might have been best, that is, walking short distances on suitable trails and sidewalks and using a wheelchair for longer distances and on crowded walkways. This would be our choice. Yet Fran’s choice was and is different.

Fran is stubborn, which is part of being resilient. She, quite often, insists on doing things the hard way. And she occasionally comes to regret it.

Growing up, Fran experiences anger, self-hatred, and depression. While this is understandable, it had never occurred to me that someone born with a disability might have such emotions. I would have expected an accident-victim to feel depressed, but I had always thought that a person who had never known a normal life would be used to his or her condition. This shows how ignorant “normal” people can be. To my excuse: I have never experienced chronic anger, self-hatred, or clinical depression. And I have also never cared too much about what people would think of me. (If they liked me, fine. If they didn’t like me, too bad.) So one might allow me (and people like me) some mitigating factors.

Reading this book, my heart went out to Fran. I felt so sorry for all her physical and emotional suffering, especially the painful surgeries that were supposed to “make her better” but never did. (This reminded me of the old pilot wisdom: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”) And I was so happy for Fran when, towards the end of the book, she finally found true love and, quite unexpectedly, even came to experience the joys of motherhood.

Throughout the book, I admired Fran’s resilience and her ongoing struggle to lead a life as normal as possible.


The book is eloquently written, yet first and foremost, it is written with staggering honesty. Fran Macilvey not only tells what it is like to live with a disability, she discloses her most private thoughts and emotions. In other words: She bares her soul.

There were a few things I did not like about this book:

The reader never learns why Fran’s parents split up and whether they got divorced or only separated. I also would have liked to learn why Fran never pleaded with her mother to take her and her sister out of this terrible boarding school, where beside other hardships, she never even got enough to eat. There didn’t seem to be any real need for this boarding school. (I also attended such an awful boarding school for 1 1/2 years. So I could well relate to Fran’s suffering at this place. Yet in my case, it was the only way to go to high school until my parents were able to rent a flat in Munich.)

I found some parts of the book too sketchy and other parts more detailed and explicit than necessary.

And there were a number of lengthy complaints that had very little to do with Fran’s disability. Most of us not-disabled people will have also experienced cruel teachers, nasty coworkers, unfair superiors, long waiting times in hospitals, inconsiderate nurses, inapt doctors, and inedible hospital food.

With certain changes, this book could have been a 5-star rating on my scale. The way it is, I rate it 3 stars on Goodreads (= I like it) and 4 stars on Amazon (= I liked it) because both websites have different rating systems.

Notwithstanding the shortcomings I found with this book, I strongly recommend everyone to read it. There will hardly be another book that allows the reader into the brain and body of a person forced to live with a disability.

We who we are able-bodied or only have a bad back, bad knees, a bad shoulder, and/or a few other not-so-very life-impeding ailments need to learn what life is like for disabled people and what we can do to, possibly, make life a little easier for them.


And one last word to the author:

Fran, please tell my how I should act when, next time, I come across someone with a disability.

Don’t tell me to just say, “hi”, as I normally don’t say, “hi” to strangers. So this wouldn’t be natural behavior.—Should I smile? Yet couldn’t it be that the person takes my smile for charity?

And how should I act when I meet a disabled person at a social gathering? There it would be normal to say, “hi”, yet at what point, if at all, should I mention the disability, and what can I say that’s neither hurtful, nor annoying, nor tactless?

HELP!

[Tod Schneider · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best of memoirs do a number of things well – they give us intimate views of others’ lives, they enlighten us with more personal perspectives on historical eras or social issues, and, in the best of cases, they reaffirm our shared humanity. Fran Macilvey’s touching memoir, Trapped—My Life With Cerebral Palsy, in which she lays bare her struggles and successes, succeeds on all counts.

Fran’s life was launched in an exotic setting under dramatic circumstances--she was conceived in the Belgian Congo, one of a pair of girls. Her sister emerged unscathed; Fran was born with CP.
That’s a scary proposition, at least for me, and I suspect for many others, and one I knew little about before reading Fran’s book.

Fran invites readers into her life, allowing them to see the obstacle course she has had to run in order to survive, including both the physical indignities and the maddeningly ignorant reactions from those around her. Living with twisted limbs is punishment enough; off-base reactions from both loved ones and strangers is equally cruel.
But Fran excels in a few key areas: first, she has the courage to bare her soul to the reader, a supremely brave act for anyone; second, she tells sometimes very painful truths quite eloquently, without drowning herself or the rest of us in despair; and third, while sharing her very human story, she manages to lower the wall between the more generally abled and the visibly disabled, helping us see our commonalities more than our differences.

Life breaks us all, as Hemingway observed. But some are strong in the broken places. Some of us suffer more frequently, or severely, or visibly than others, and have to choose, again and again, whether to gather the strength to rise once more. That’s something we love about comic book superheroes--their unlimited resiliency. For at least an hour or two their stories can transport us to another reality where, despite being blown to bits or shot into outer space, full recovery is always just around the corner. For us mere mortals, it doesn’t work out that way. Recovery can be long and drawn out, and maddeningly elusive. Even where healing does occur the scars can remain forever.
So for inspiration, superheroes have their limits.

When I look for real heroes, I’m most impressed by otherwise ordinary individuals who, despite terrible challenges, have repeatedly risen from the ashes, not only to survive, but to do some good in the world as well. People like Fran.
Hers is a great story to share.

[Frank Kusy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can count the books I have been truly inspired by on the fingers of one hand. Trapped is one of those books. And the funny thing is, I didn't see it coming. I had first read it as a fledgling project on the Authonomy site for aspiring writers, and though great, I had only skim-read the first few chapters, I hadn't got hooked. Then the author sent me a personal hardback copy and I thought `Oh, how wonderful, but I haven't got time for this, I know, I'll just skim-read the rest and tell her how I know exactly where she's coming from, I broke my leg once and fell off my crutches and landed in a pile of dog poo and Chinese takeaway, and the experience was so humiliating and humbling that I immediately gained an understanding of how she must have felt every day of her life.'

How wrong that would have been. My eyes became gripped by the powerful prose, then alighted on this passage and my skim-read slowed to a full stop:

`We are all disabled. Some of us by prejudice, some of us by fear, and some, by being misunderstood. We care so much what others think of us that our lives can become one long hobble to what we "should" or "should not" do next. None of us is truly "able bodied."'

How wise. How true. Someone else has said that Fran MacIlvey's life is mine and yours and everyone's. As you read this book, as I hope many of you will, the message is not how poor crippled kid with cerebral palsy managed to stay out of a wheelchair and claw some semblance of a `normal' life for herself, but how, in her own words, she learns how to `fall and learn the power of getting myself up again to have another go.' Not just physically, but in every sense of the expression. It is this courage, this triumph of the spirit, which commands our awe and respect.

But it is Fran's faith and wisdom that make this book special, and which lifts it (way) above the plethora of mediocre and not so mediocre memoirs. At the centre is a steel hard belief that God gives us the power of choice. We can choose when to come into this life, in which body, at what time. We can choose whether to be happy or sad. We can choose whether to learn from life's lessons or just go round on the wheel of karma and suffer again and again.

With that power of choice, can come true freedom and Love. Not just for Fran, but for every single one of us. How wonderful.

[Ann Warner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fran MacIlvey's indomitable spirit shines from every page of her memoir, Trapped. Although born with cerebral palsy, which makes walking and many other physical activities a struggle and a constant challenge for her, Fran loves to run and to dance, something she has learned to do both literally and figuratively.

By sharing her journey, Fran has illuminated the path we all must walk whether we have a physical disability or not. It made me stop and think about how I've approached people with physical handicaps in the past, and provided me with guidelines for doing this with more empathy and effectiveness in the future.

Trapped, beautifully written, relentlessly candid and filled with wry insights, is a book to be savored and thought about, one that serves as a gentle reminder that no one should be forced to live a small life by either their own low expectations or by those of well meaning family and friends.

For those caught up in a web of bad decisions, Fran's story is proof that we all have the power to change our circumstances for the better. But above all, Trapped is a wonderful story about an interesting, engaging woman.

[Sue Moorhouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, a well written account of life with Cerebral Palsy, which is never depressing or sorry for itself. There is humour and a very vivid portrayal. Recommended!¬

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although beset with problems of low self-esteem caused by her condition and the attitudes of people around her, Fran has been an indomitable spirit throughout. A determination that shows no bounds and that has got her to a place where she can live with her condition without being confined to a wheelchair.
Fran's way of bringing you into her world takes you there completely. Her descriptions of people and places are vivid. I did not feel sad when reading this memoir, which is tragic in parts. I was carried away on the journey with Fran who has suffered enormously but managed to overcome in her own way.
Inspiring and engrossing. One of those books you can't put down.

[Andrew Marshall · Rating 5 out of 5]

At face value, "Trapped" is a personal account of life with cerebral palsy, from birth to present day; but it is so much more than that. Fran writes with great honesty even though she admits to having hidden her feelings for most of her life. What surprised me was that without knowing what her experiences were really like for her – no-one can truly understand those of another human being –it was possible to relate to so many of them. The value for me as a reader was not so much Fran's life story per se, because the experiences of any person can be fascinating if we spare the time to listen, but the great emphasis she makes on the importance of remembering that no matter what a person's outward appearance may be, there is a very real and aware spirit underneath. The individual is not the body that we see. We all make assumptions about others and this is a very poignant reminder that we shouldn't, because we will be wrong.

The book is well written and easy to read. Some parts are narrative, almost like a novel, whilst others linger over the inner thoughts and emotions. At times it seems as though we are travelling through a tunnel, but there is a good amount of light at the end. From this reader's perspective, this book is not an account of life with cerebral palsy but a courageous telling of the unfolding of a human soul. For that, Fran, thank you.

[Julie Haigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful, beautifully written, a delight to read.

I won a copy of this book as a competition prize quite a while ago-now I wish I read it much sooner! This is Fran Macilvey’s story. She has cerebral palsy; in her book she tells of all the hurdles she deals with on a daily basis, letting us know with complete honestly exactly how she feels. The pretending-trying to live as normal a life as possible and just finding a different way of doing things. This was amazing and really interesting right from when I was just a few sentences in. Fran’s father was sent to the Belgian Congo to work-I wasn’t expecting this aspect, I didn’t know that the author had spent her childhood in Africa so this brought another dimension to things. This is a beautiful presentation with exquisite descriptions of her birthplace and there is a very emotional and moving chapter as the babies arrive (Fran is a twin). Due to complications at birth, and neglect on the part of the medical staff, Fran has cerebral palsy. She has real difficulties and this is her story how she has transcended. The family moved every two years due to her dad's work and I enjoyed reading about her childhood memories. Fond memories of the pudding creations of their cook all those years ago were so evocative. Then in later years Fran moves from Africa to Edinburgh. This is a gem of a book. Fran talks of learning to cope and laugh-off falls and minor injuries, stitches, bruises etc. She didn't think she needed fixing-she had found her own ways of getting around, running even-she didn't need anything altering thank you very much! She felt well, she wasn't in pain, and she didn't get what their problem was. Despite that she had to endure hospital stays and surgeries. She feels the doctors and surgeons tried out procedures on her and indeed some are not done anymore. I can see they were just trying to help her but it didn't always work out that way for Fran. This is balanced with a few chuckles at some of the school day reminiscences. This is wonderful and beautifully written. A very honest memoir which tells of the ups and downs and confusions of living with cerebral palsy and strained and separate family relationships. Very strong is her desire to be independent, to manage things herself, get that sense of achievement and to resist a wheelchair quite categorically! There are some wonderful, original and different quotes, she has the skill to put her feelings down on paper so exactly, so perfectly: "I felt ridiculously self-conscious, like the stick of celery at a luxurious buffet"-I loved that quote-a brilliant comparison! There is much more than meets the eye to this memoir. It's not just about cerebral palsy; we have the medical aspect, travel, jobs, also a sweet love story detailing her search for her soulmate. Fran Macilvey has poured so many emotions onto the page that you get so much back out of reading this. An absolute delight to read.

[Becky Corwin-Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir really touched me. Anyone who reads the book should give thanks if they are able to walk without difficulty and do everyday tasks that most of us take for granted. This book was a real eye opener and a great reminder to "not sweat the small stuff".

The author is a very courageous person, first of all for writing this book and telling all of the intimate details of her life and struggles with cerebral palsy. Second, I was amazed at her courage and determination to find a way to do any task she set her mind to. Nothing can stop this brave woman.

Especially amazing was the part when the author's daughter, Seline, was born. The determined mother found ways to take care of her child and keep her safe. It is obvious that the author is a very intelligent person who has been blessed with the ability to think through any hurdle she faces, and find a way to overcome it. The author is also a very kind and caring individual, who often did things to spare her twin sister from any embarrassment.

I highly recommend this well written book to anyone who needs to be inspired to never give up. This book will lift your spirits and cause you to be grateful for the life you have been given.

[Jill Stoking · Rating 5 out of 5]

It wasn’t an easy decision for me to read this book, we all have past history that we’re afraid a certain book will stick pins into simply to see if we still feel the pain. I’m so glad I took the chance.

Fran has cerebral palsy as a result of being starved of oxygen at birth. Did I feel sorry for her? Yes, in that Fran has a constant battle to overcome people’s perception of what she is and isn’t capable of. There always seems to be the presumption by others that her body, which maybe lacking in graceful flow, is more disabling that it actually is. It also meant that although Fran gained academic qualifications she was never given the opportunity to prove herself in the workplace. Fran provides an articulate and sometimes emotional voice for all people with a visible disability, while sharing her own personal journey.

Her skill as a writer is eloquent and enviable as she lays her life out for us to view and hopefully gain deeper understanding. Personally, I experienced the feeling that through the process of writing her story, I was sharing in Fran’s discovery of herself. Highly recommended.

[Stephen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written and at times revelationary in phrases that perfectly sum up the author's feelings and let you see things as she sees them and also in the different perspective that it gives of everyday life from her point of view. The author definitely made the right choice when she gave up her legal career and turned to writing instead !

Understand that her next book is about finding happiness but I think she answers that here - find your vocation and your soul mate and you can cope with anything.

Only complaint and reason why I am not giving out 5 stars (which I very rarely do) is that parts seemed too brief and interesting people and circumstances were covered in just a page or two.

A very interesting read that leaves you with thoughts that will stay with you long after you have finished it.

[Cherry Gregory · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is elegant writing that truly inspires. Fran Macilvey has a wonderful way with words. From her descriptions of her childhood, I was able to sense, see and smell her African home, the animals and the ocean in an almost magical way. An achievement in itself, but she also enabled me to feel her life with cerebral palsy.
I do not suffer from cerebral palsy, but Fran suggests that we all have disabilities of some sort, and I'm sure she's right. I could relate to so much of her life that I understood more of myself and my own struggles after reading her book.
And Fran comes through in the end, through relationships and impossible work situations, she eventually finds herself, her husband and a very special daughter. No longer trapped, by her writing she can soar.

[Katedurie50 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Writing a first hand narrative about disability - here cerebral palsy- requires, like the living of such a life, a degree of toughness. Nobody wants to be pitied. The author is commendably tough, open and honest, not least about the powerful emotions - guilt and anger- that fuel so much of her childhood and growing up.But she also covers the family tensions and dysfunctions, some around her; the miseries of school (she admits she was sometimes the bully, not always bullied) and working life; sex; medical tortures. The best praise I can find for this is to hope it finds its way to young people with cerebral palsy, and that while encouraged by its gutsiness, they feel much that is here reported lies in the past.Maybe not enough.
I find chapters a bit short and scrappy - more continuity and development would have been welcome.

[Dawn Downey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I chose this book because my brother has cerebral palsy. I wanted to learn more about his experience, even though he’s in his forties now and we’ve had a long time to get to know each other.

The author grabbed my attention with an incredibly gripping account of her mom in the delivery room, giving birth. She held my attention with her willingness to share her embarrassments, rages, failures. She shed light on how childhood emotions affect an adult life. Really insightful.

She became aware she “… was the child who had things done to her, an ongoing experiment, an improvement project.” And I recalled all the braces, special shoes, and doctor’s visits my brother endured when he was a kid. It made my gut wrench. It wrenched again, when she described the day she started worrying about what would become of her. She was ten. What a burden for a ten-year-old.

In the later chapters, Macilvey turned philosophical, which didn’t hold my interest. For me, the power of the book was in its more intimate moments. Sometimes her writing style was confusing. She frequently referred to her mother and grandmother by their first names. When she described a shabby apartment, I couldn’t tell if she meant an actual apartment, or she was speaking metaphorically about her life.

I do receommend Trapped. Fran Macilvey’s story is important, and I’m glad she told it. It was important for me to learn that, even today, people look through her or simply turn away. The next time someone in a wheelchair rolls past me, I’m going to say hi. The same as I do when people walk past.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a truly inspirational book. Fran MacIlvey writes about her life with a searing honesty which is sometimes breathtaking. I found myself reading parts over again and feeling humbled. Her childhood in Africa is beautifully described. She evokes sympathy in the reader as she describes her struggles with cerebral palsy. However she is very candid about how awkward she could be at times, frequently rejecting offers of help. Life at boarding school in Edinburgh was difficult to say the least and her time there only served to increase her feelings of worthlessness and frustration at not being able to do the things she wanted to do. Things which we take for granted like dancing. She endured countless operations in a futile attempt to make her ‘normal’. I found that so awful and painful to read. Sadly, she felt trapped by her own thoughts and also by what she perceived to be the expectations of others. She set almost impossible standards for herself choosing a difficult career path which brought no fulfilment. This is though, a book filled with hope and Fran’s wonderful bright spirit shines through her words. Gradually she realises she is worth more and deserves more. Now she is married and has a beautiful daughter. She chooses to be happy. She chooses every day to feel blessed and she knows the power of God’s love. This is a lesson for us all.

[Janet Givens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trapped -- in her body from cerebral palsy -- but also trapped in a co-dependent delusion that if only she worked hard enough, if only she didn't cause a fuss, if only she lived the life expected of her, she would be happy. Fran Macilvey's autobiography is the story of how she emerged from that trap, freed herself to a life of joy, a life where she "has the right to get it wrong, the same as everyone else." She still has cerebral palsy, she still walks with an uneven gait and falls far too often, but she no longer lives her life at others' beck and call.

MacIlvey's writing, particularly in the early chapters, is riveting; she had me pulled in from the start. Her story, though, is so powerful in those early chapters, that I had to read it in small doses. There were a few areas I wished she'd written more deeply, but on the whole she tells her story with honesty and integrity. I particularly liked the flitting images skattered throughout, like this one about her boyish figure, "like a stick of celery at a luxurious buffet."

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book, full price on the recommendation of a friend. I have never paid £8 for a kindle book and was rather hoping that Trapped would live up to it's expensive price tag, I'm pleased to say that it did and worth every last penny.
Trapped is not a book that you race through, it's not a rollicking good read and it's not a roller coaster ride either.
Fran is neither trapped by her disabilities or people's prejudices for and against her. Instead she is trapped within herself, by herself, and like in all good fairy tales, she is 'rescued' from herself by the love of a good man and her daughter.
By reading Fran's book, I learned a lot about Fran, but more importantly she allowed me to learn more about myself. Fran, you are my rescuer and for that I am eternally grateful.

[Iceduck · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found her story interesting at first, and she is a quality writer. The memoir has some beautiful description. Unfortunately she is also bitter and whiny. She makes her point about how tough it was growing up with her disability. Then she makes it again. And again. And then gives another example in the next chapter. I did not finish-- I got the point. The story needed more to hold my interest. Interestingly, she even admits in the book that she hasn't bothered to flesh out any characters and doesn't intend too. That's too bad.

[Tarri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most beautiful biographies I've read. It is filled with humor while dealing with the painful daily routines of living with CP. Fran is strong, courageous and open to the world. Her abilities, empathy and achievements are exceptional. There is a lot of pain and many challenges but everyone could read this book and be both uplifted and touched at heart. She brings us some of the best of humanity in one story. Thank you, Fran.

[Julia Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, I found some of if difficult to read, as a person who also has cerebral palsy, I have never wished I didn't have my disability, so I did find Fran's anger difficult to relate to, but I did fully understand her frustration and longing to 'fit in'. Great read! This book taught me that everyone who is born with a disability deals with it differently and I shouldn't judge those who are not quite as settled with their impairments as I am with mine

[Kristy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was well written without being too much of a downer. I have CP myself, so it's interesting to read another person's view on the affliction. It seems difficult to find books on the subject written by those living with CP. It's a lonely world at times, dealing with this handicap. Nice to read a book that is optimistic as well as true to the issue at hand.

[Carolyn D'Argenio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vivid personal account. Two things stood out: 1). The importance of recognizing the disabled as whole people, who should be considered when figuring out "what's best" and 2). The importance of self-love.

[Akemi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really made me realize that things will be ok! I have seen a lot of myself in what Fran went through!

[Dahlia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fran writes about disability beautifully and elegantly, which is very hard to do. Her strength and courage shine through her words, as she transports you into the story.

[Lance Pounds · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although Macilvey had an amazing life, the book just offered no real purpose.

[Its Bits · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't finish this read because it was to slow and I couldn't get into the story. Only had 3 hours left and didn't desire to finish.

[Janet Eshenroder · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a memoir of a strong-willed woman in a body that limited other people's expectations. Her parents were determined to make her life as normal as possible, expecting her to keep up with her siblings, subjecting her to surgeries and treatments that gave her some independence while crippling her spirit. Both parents were unusually supportive for the time period and the author acknowledges their love and concern, while also rebelling against their restrictions.

"'Assistance' in the form of a hand up, an arm to lean on, or a wheelchair, is only ever welcome when it is chosen. It make me bristle that he expected me to play pathetic when what I most desired was to 'fall and learn the power of getting myself up again to have another go.' The next time I might get it right. The challenge was what I most enjoyed.
"In any case, nowhere was the real reason for my father's insistence made plain: he, like my mother, was deeply embarrassed by the way I looked when I walked unaided. They both shrank inwardly while watching me dance, though, understandably, neither would admit their distaste. Instead, I was cast as the family nuisance, disobedient and much too obstinate for my own good."

In the end, the author marries and has a child, facing new challenges. What she gains is an inner peace and confidence that "she" is something defined by more than her body.

This remains a great book for showing the realistic limitations of a handicap and the unrealistic expectations of society.

[LittleDeadRedGoddessPersephone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love autobiographies but I rarely read them. I think that may because for years I could not seem to find one that was well written and one that really drew me in. This book managed to do both and do them well.

Fran Macilively welcomes you into her world in a very blunt and open way. She started out life in a rather dramatic fashion and was welcomed into a world of privilege. Her account of her early life in the Belgian Congo is spellbinding. The way she describes sitting in the sun petting her dogs as her sisters and brother run around and play envelops you. You are there with her. As for life as someone who has cerebral palsy? Fran pulls no punches. She is tough, honest, heartbreaking, tough and beautiful. She is a fighter in every since of the word, for better or for worse in some cases when she refuses to give up on a career that in the end did nothing but bring her unhappiness. In the end Fran find love and happiness in the truest sense of the word.

[Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoy reading a good biography or memoir and I was particularly interested in this book after seeing all of the glowing reviews. I was a little surprised when the book actually exceeded my expectations! This is one of those books that really draws you into the story and allows you to see the real person, for better or worse. I admit I knew very little about Cerebral Palsy before I read this book, which is one of the reasons I picked it up. I feel like I now have at least a greater appreciation for the disability and for those I see with similar circumstances. It’s a good reminder that everyone has a story.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. It feels like the author 'gets it' which of course she does. I have yet to reach her level of acceptance but I feel closer to achieving it.