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Tell Me What I Am
Deena Garvey disappeared in 2004. She left behind a daughter and a sister.
Deena's daughter grows up in the country. She learns how to hunt, when to seed the garden, how to avoid making her father angry. Never to ask about her absent mother.
Deena's sister stays stuck in the city, getting desperate. She knows the man responsible for her sister's disappearance, but she can't prove it. Not yet.
Over fourteen years, four hundred miles apart, these two women slowly begin to unearth the secrets and lies at the heart of their family, and the history of power and control that has shaped them both in such different ways.
But can they reach each other in time? And will the truth finally answer the question of their lives:
What really happened to Deena Garvey?
Deena's daughter grows up in the country. She learns how to hunt, when to seed the garden, how to avoid making her father angry. Never to ask about her absent mother.
Deena's sister stays stuck in the city, getting desperate. She knows the man responsible for her sister's disappearance, but she can't prove it. Not yet.
Over fourteen years, four hundred miles apart, these two women slowly begin to unearth the secrets and lies at the heart of their family, and the history of power and control that has shaped them both in such different ways.
But can they reach each other in time? And will the truth finally answer the question of their lives:
What really happened to Deena Garvey?
320 pages, Hardcover
First published May 30, 2023
185 people are currently reading
11496 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 436 reviews
September 2, 2023
I’ve grown accustomed to the frivolity of domestic violence storylines. They often anger me. To be clear, they do not trigger me. I cannot be triggered by a fiction that does not remotely resemble truth. As a survivor, I’ve despised seeing the suffering of domestic violence victims morphed into something that’s solely meant to entertain; something that’s written to shock and thrill.
But not this book. That’s not what this book is. And it’s about time something like this found its place in the world.
Know this: If you have endured or are enduring domestic violence, Tell Me What I Am is going to hurt. If you’ve been through the frustrating court process when there are children involved, you will be brought back to that place of fury where you are forced to recognize that the law will not protect your children. You will return to that place of fear and confusion when you realize the law is not protecting you.
This was not an easy read for me. The portrayal is incredibly realistic. But I applaud the author for that. Honestly, thank you, Una Mannion. Thank you for not cheapening what too many of us have lived through; what too many have died for.
I felt every word of this book in the pit of my stomach, in the core of my soul. It’s a story that grapples with loss in a myriad of ways. It is not just the loss of a sister, although there is a raw portrait of grief surrounding that. Mannion skillfully demonstrated the way one can lose themself in the midst of so much loss, and that’s just one of the ways this exceptional story shines.
Like A Crooked Tree, categorizing this book as a thriller is misleading and a mistake. I hate to see people pick this up with such expectations. This is a character driven novel that contains a painful and horrific truth we understand from the start. It isn’t a question of who did it. It is a question of how the lives of everyone involved were impacted by what was done. It’s a story of how justice fails. It’s an illustration of an abuser’s subtleties; the red flags we don’t recognize, in part, because too many fictional narratives sensationalize the reality of abuse.
The complexities are not always understood, so one of the many valuable components of this story is the depiction of how a woman’s access to safety is hindered, even with the law involved. People who’ve never experienced domestic violence simplify the concept of leaving, failing to recognize the pitfalls of such a step and the danger it creates.
Although it’s terrifying to consider the implications of Tell Me What I Am, we must face the fact that this is a feared reality for countless women. Mannion showed how easily cruelty can be found beyond the arms of the villain and how the villain is essentially enabled by that.
I will never forget this book. I will never forget what it meant to me. It was like having a friend say, “I’ve been there, too, and I understand.” Yes, it did hurt, but there was comfort in its validation, as well.
But not this book. That’s not what this book is. And it’s about time something like this found its place in the world.
Know this: If you have endured or are enduring domestic violence, Tell Me What I Am is going to hurt. If you’ve been through the frustrating court process when there are children involved, you will be brought back to that place of fury where you are forced to recognize that the law will not protect your children. You will return to that place of fear and confusion when you realize the law is not protecting you.
This was not an easy read for me. The portrayal is incredibly realistic. But I applaud the author for that. Honestly, thank you, Una Mannion. Thank you for not cheapening what too many of us have lived through; what too many have died for.
I felt every word of this book in the pit of my stomach, in the core of my soul. It’s a story that grapples with loss in a myriad of ways. It is not just the loss of a sister, although there is a raw portrait of grief surrounding that. Mannion skillfully demonstrated the way one can lose themself in the midst of so much loss, and that’s just one of the ways this exceptional story shines.
Like A Crooked Tree, categorizing this book as a thriller is misleading and a mistake. I hate to see people pick this up with such expectations. This is a character driven novel that contains a painful and horrific truth we understand from the start. It isn’t a question of who did it. It is a question of how the lives of everyone involved were impacted by what was done. It’s a story of how justice fails. It’s an illustration of an abuser’s subtleties; the red flags we don’t recognize, in part, because too many fictional narratives sensationalize the reality of abuse.
The complexities are not always understood, so one of the many valuable components of this story is the depiction of how a woman’s access to safety is hindered, even with the law involved. People who’ve never experienced domestic violence simplify the concept of leaving, failing to recognize the pitfalls of such a step and the danger it creates.
Although it’s terrifying to consider the implications of Tell Me What I Am, we must face the fact that this is a feared reality for countless women. Mannion showed how easily cruelty can be found beyond the arms of the villain and how the villain is essentially enabled by that.
I will never forget this book. I will never forget what it meant to me. It was like having a friend say, “I’ve been there, too, and I understand.” Yes, it did hurt, but there was comfort in its validation, as well.
August 17, 2023
what is it? where did it come from? and why did aliens decide to have a picnic in kitchen? the mysteries of emptying out the food disposal...
June 23, 2025
reading vlog: https://youtu.be/JD5wUPBGlBA
oh what a marvellous book this is that is cold to the bone sad. so masterfully done at showing the far reaching aftershocks of abuse but with love really shining through
oh what a marvellous book this is that is cold to the bone sad. so masterfully done at showing the far reaching aftershocks of abuse but with love really shining through
April 29, 2025
Vorab möchte ich Euch sagen: „Sag mir, was ich bin“ ist einer der bestkonstruiertesten Romane, die ich in letzter Zeit gelesen habe! Aufmerksam bin ich auf das Buch geworden durch das wunderschöne Cover und ich danke dem Steidl Verlag für diesen Augenschmaus, denn sonst hätte ich womöglich diese großartige Story verpasst (alle, die gerne mal einen Coverkauf tätigen, werden mich verstehen - outet Euch gerne mal in den Kommentaren).
Beworben wird das Buch der amerikanischen Autorin Una Mannion als Kriminalroman - ich würde dem Ganzen gerne ein „literarisch“ vorwegsetzen, denn es ist eher nicht die klassische Ermittlungsstory, die man vielleicht erwarten würde. Sogar den Gold Dagger Preis für den besten Kriminalroman 2024 hat sie für Ihr Werk verliehen bekommen, wie erfreulich!
„Ich sehe mich selbst als Schatten, wie ich mich durch alles bewege, was in meinem Leben vor diesem Abend passiert ist, aber ich sehe auch, wie das alles zerläuft, wie mich ein andres Element verschluckt, mich quasi chemisch zersetzt, mich verbrennt.“
„Der Mensch, der die größte Gefahr für mich war, war immer auch der Einzige, von dem ich glaubte, dass ich bei ihm sicher bin. Wie kaputt ist das denn bitte.“
Eine toxische Familienkonstruktion bildet das Grundgerüst für diesen Roman - die psychisch Erkrankte Mutter Deena verschwindet spurlos, als ihre Tochter Ruby 4 Jahre alt ist. Doch was ist der Grund dafür?! Ist es wirklich eine Folge ihrer belasteten Psyche und hat sie sich folglich selbst dazu entschlossen zu verschwinden oder gar Suizid zu begehen? Oder steckt vielleicht eher Lucas dahinter, ihr Ex-Mann, für den häusliche Gewalt kein Fremdwort ist?!
Nessa, Deenas Schwester, zweifelt jedenfalls stark an ihrem freiwilligen Verschwinden, denn die beiden haben eine enge Verbindung und sie fühlt, dass da etwas gewaltig nicht stimmt. Lucas nutzt die Situation, um das alleinige Sorgerecht für seine Tochter Ruby an sich zu reißen und unterbindet ab diesem Zeitpunkt jegliche Kontakte mit dem Rest der Familie, auch Briefe und Pakete, die an Ruby gerichtet sind, fängt er ab. Er zieht mit ihr nach Vermont in eine einsame Gegend und erzieht sie mit seiner Mutter Clover in einem Haus am See. Klingt eigentlich idyllisch, oder?! Leider für Ruby alles andere als das - gut, dass Ihre Tante Nessa nicht locker lässt und Nachforschungen anstellt, denn Ruby hadert aufgrund mangelnder Informationen bezüglich ihrer Vergangenheit sehr mit ihrer Identität.
„Es ist, als dürfte ich gar nicht wissen, wer er ist oder wer ich bin. Als wäre ich einfach in der Middle Lake angespült worden und hätte mein Gedächtnis verloren oder so was, wie im Kino. Und ich komme mir vor wie ein Nichts. Irgendwann werden alle rausfinden, dass ich leer bin. Keine Persönlichkeit, keine Geschichte, keine Familienanekdoten. Ich bin nichts, bis auf das, was mir erzählt wurde.“
Durch den ständigen Perspektivwechsel und die verschiedenen Zeitebenen hält Una Mannion die Spannung bis zum Schluss aufrecht (auch wenn man ahnt, wer hinter dem Verschwinden stecken könnte, wollte ich ständig weiterlesen, immer mehr Details erfahren, die Informationen verknüpfen).
„Sag mir, was ich bin“ war für mich mal eine Story fernab von dem , was ich sonst lese, denn Krimis (egal ob literarisch oder nicht) gehören eigentlich nicht in mein Leserepertoire. Una Mannion hat mich zum Umdenken gebracht diesbezüglich und ab jetzt sind literarische Kriminalromane auf jeden Fall interessant für mich.
Beworben wird das Buch der amerikanischen Autorin Una Mannion als Kriminalroman - ich würde dem Ganzen gerne ein „literarisch“ vorwegsetzen, denn es ist eher nicht die klassische Ermittlungsstory, die man vielleicht erwarten würde. Sogar den Gold Dagger Preis für den besten Kriminalroman 2024 hat sie für Ihr Werk verliehen bekommen, wie erfreulich!
„Ich sehe mich selbst als Schatten, wie ich mich durch alles bewege, was in meinem Leben vor diesem Abend passiert ist, aber ich sehe auch, wie das alles zerläuft, wie mich ein andres Element verschluckt, mich quasi chemisch zersetzt, mich verbrennt.“
„Der Mensch, der die größte Gefahr für mich war, war immer auch der Einzige, von dem ich glaubte, dass ich bei ihm sicher bin. Wie kaputt ist das denn bitte.“
Eine toxische Familienkonstruktion bildet das Grundgerüst für diesen Roman - die psychisch Erkrankte Mutter Deena verschwindet spurlos, als ihre Tochter Ruby 4 Jahre alt ist. Doch was ist der Grund dafür?! Ist es wirklich eine Folge ihrer belasteten Psyche und hat sie sich folglich selbst dazu entschlossen zu verschwinden oder gar Suizid zu begehen? Oder steckt vielleicht eher Lucas dahinter, ihr Ex-Mann, für den häusliche Gewalt kein Fremdwort ist?!
Nessa, Deenas Schwester, zweifelt jedenfalls stark an ihrem freiwilligen Verschwinden, denn die beiden haben eine enge Verbindung und sie fühlt, dass da etwas gewaltig nicht stimmt. Lucas nutzt die Situation, um das alleinige Sorgerecht für seine Tochter Ruby an sich zu reißen und unterbindet ab diesem Zeitpunkt jegliche Kontakte mit dem Rest der Familie, auch Briefe und Pakete, die an Ruby gerichtet sind, fängt er ab. Er zieht mit ihr nach Vermont in eine einsame Gegend und erzieht sie mit seiner Mutter Clover in einem Haus am See. Klingt eigentlich idyllisch, oder?! Leider für Ruby alles andere als das - gut, dass Ihre Tante Nessa nicht locker lässt und Nachforschungen anstellt, denn Ruby hadert aufgrund mangelnder Informationen bezüglich ihrer Vergangenheit sehr mit ihrer Identität.
„Es ist, als dürfte ich gar nicht wissen, wer er ist oder wer ich bin. Als wäre ich einfach in der Middle Lake angespült worden und hätte mein Gedächtnis verloren oder so was, wie im Kino. Und ich komme mir vor wie ein Nichts. Irgendwann werden alle rausfinden, dass ich leer bin. Keine Persönlichkeit, keine Geschichte, keine Familienanekdoten. Ich bin nichts, bis auf das, was mir erzählt wurde.“
Durch den ständigen Perspektivwechsel und die verschiedenen Zeitebenen hält Una Mannion die Spannung bis zum Schluss aufrecht (auch wenn man ahnt, wer hinter dem Verschwinden stecken könnte, wollte ich ständig weiterlesen, immer mehr Details erfahren, die Informationen verknüpfen).
„Sag mir, was ich bin“ war für mich mal eine Story fernab von dem , was ich sonst lese, denn Krimis (egal ob literarisch oder nicht) gehören eigentlich nicht in mein Leserepertoire. Una Mannion hat mich zum Umdenken gebracht diesbezüglich und ab jetzt sind literarische Kriminalromane auf jeden Fall interessant für mich.
May 31, 2025
“Tell Me What I Am”, a novel by Una Mannion
WINNER OF THE CRIME WRITERS' ASSOCIATION'S GOLD DAGGER AWARD
4 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This book, published in 2023, was my first book by this author.
Great concept and excellent writing.
Thanks to the storytelling, which created a very atmospheric story, this was the first time that a book written without quotation marks did not bother me, otherwise I would have picked the audiobook.
The development of the storyline is very slow but I thought it was well executed, hence my ratings.
The timeline is not linear and the perspective alternates between two characters, but the story was easy to follow.
The topic of abusive relationship is not an easy one, and there were heartbreaking moments, but I was glad that the author avoided over dramatizing the story.
I also liked the fact that the story was free of silly twists, which have become too common lately.
This was more of a drama with a bit of mystery, and I wouldn’t labeled it as a thriller.
When I was at 50% I decided to add the audiobook, and I was very pleased with the narration, which helped me to ignore the lack of quotation marks even more.
ebook (Kobo): 288 pages (default), 90k words, 29 chapters
audiobook narrated by Sophie Amoss: 10.3 hours (normal speed), unabridged
WINNER OF THE CRIME WRITERS' ASSOCIATION'S GOLD DAGGER AWARD
4 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This book, published in 2023, was my first book by this author.
Great concept and excellent writing.
Thanks to the storytelling, which created a very atmospheric story, this was the first time that a book written without quotation marks did not bother me, otherwise I would have picked the audiobook.
The development of the storyline is very slow but I thought it was well executed, hence my ratings.
The timeline is not linear and the perspective alternates between two characters, but the story was easy to follow.
The topic of abusive relationship is not an easy one, and there were heartbreaking moments, but I was glad that the author avoided over dramatizing the story.
I also liked the fact that the story was free of silly twists, which have become too common lately.
This was more of a drama with a bit of mystery, and I wouldn’t labeled it as a thriller.
When I was at 50% I decided to add the audiobook, and I was very pleased with the narration, which helped me to ignore the lack of quotation marks even more.
ebook (Kobo): 288 pages (default), 90k words, 29 chapters
audiobook narrated by Sophie Amoss: 10.3 hours (normal speed), unabridged
June 30, 2024
Nessa Garvey’s sister Deena vanished without a trace in Philadelphia in 2004 and her daughter Ruby is being raised in rural Vermont by her father Lucas, the man Nessa suspects has something to do with Deena's disappearance. Ruby learns how to hunt, how plants and trees grow and, most importantly, how to avoid making her father angry but what she desperately wants to know is what really happened to her mother?
I really liked this book and loved Ruby as a character. I enjoyed the writing style and how the story was told over a number of years by Nessa and Ruby. It does jump back and forth through the years so you need to take note of what year we're in and whose point of view we're listening to. This is not really a mystery or a thriller, more domestic drama, and the characters are well developed and easy to love or hate. I thought the ending was appropriate and I was left wondering whether there might be another book starring Ruby and Nessa.
A couple of things I feel I need to mention though. At one point, when Ruby's 3-1/2 and before Lucas takes her to Vermont, Nessa takes Ruby to feed bread to the ducks. I hope the author and anyone who reads this knows that you should never feed bread to ducks. It's not good for them at all and can be fatal. At another point a little further along in the story there's a description of a TV show which is showing cruel experiments carried out on dogs in the name of science and it's very hard to read. Not sure it was absolutely necessary to the story although I understand the point the author was making. I highly recommend this book if you can get past the above. 4-1/2 Stars rounded down.
Thanks to GR friend Karly for recommending this book to me. You've really got my number my friend! I'll be checking for this author's works in the future.
TW: Domestic violence + see third paragraph of my review.
My thanks once again to the London Public Library for the loan of this book.
I really liked this book and loved Ruby as a character. I enjoyed the writing style and how the story was told over a number of years by Nessa and Ruby. It does jump back and forth through the years so you need to take note of what year we're in and whose point of view we're listening to. This is not really a mystery or a thriller, more domestic drama, and the characters are well developed and easy to love or hate. I thought the ending was appropriate and I was left wondering whether there might be another book starring Ruby and Nessa.
A couple of things I feel I need to mention though. At one point, when Ruby's 3-1/2 and before Lucas takes her to Vermont, Nessa takes Ruby to feed bread to the ducks. I hope the author and anyone who reads this knows that you should never feed bread to ducks. It's not good for them at all and can be fatal. At another point a little further along in the story there's a description of a TV show which is showing cruel experiments carried out on dogs in the name of science and it's very hard to read. Not sure it was absolutely necessary to the story although I understand the point the author was making. I highly recommend this book if you can get past the above. 4-1/2 Stars rounded down.
Thanks to GR friend Karly for recommending this book to me. You've really got my number my friend! I'll be checking for this author's works in the future.
TW: Domestic violence + see third paragraph of my review.
My thanks once again to the London Public Library for the loan of this book.
August 1, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC of
Tell Me What I Am.
I wouldn't characterize this as a thriller or mystery since you know who the murderer is, which is a big no-no for me when it comes to thrillers.
First, there are triggers including mental, drug and physical abuse, despair and sorrow so readers should be aware.
Second, this is a character driven novel split between past and present timelines and two main female characters: Nessa, the sister of the victim and aunt of the second POV, niece Ruby.
If you're looking for a novel filled with suspense and drama, twists and chills, keep looking.
When Ruby's mother, Deena, disappears unexpectedly over a decade ago, her estranged partner absconds with their daughter, Ruby, to Vermont.
The narrative becomes two stories, how Nessa struggled with the aftermath of her sister's disappearance, nearly destroying her own mental health in the process, how Deena became enthralled by the psychologically and emotionally abusive Lucas, and Ruby, how she both struggled and evolved under her father's parentage and tutelage, and her eventual discovery of her origins.
There's no urgency or drama, just the slow progression of the years as Ruby grows from a four year old to a tween to a teenager preparing to go to college.
Nessa struggles with her traumas; losing her sister and niece, knowing full well Lucas is the perpetrator but hampered by the laws who seems to favor her sister's estranger partner, especially in light of Deena's mental health struggles.
As their lives ebb and flow over the years and Deena's fate remains unknown, Nessa never loses hope Lucas will be brought to justice and she will be reunited with her beloved niece.
Ruby's growing awareness of her true identity is supported by her friends, and eventually, her grandmother, who is nearing the end of her life and is desperate to make amends.
This was a well written novel about survival, love, and hope, though I found it hard to connect with anyone, including Ruby.
In some ways, I was more intrigued by Lucas; why he was the way he was, how did he end up like this, and how Clover's deference enabled her son's dangerous and eventual homicidal actions.
I prefer mysteries with, you know, a mystery and/or a police procedural format and this wasn't that.
But, I enjoyed the writing and I think some readers will enjoy it, too.
I wouldn't characterize this as a thriller or mystery since you know who the murderer is, which is a big no-no for me when it comes to thrillers.
First, there are triggers including mental, drug and physical abuse, despair and sorrow so readers should be aware.
Second, this is a character driven novel split between past and present timelines and two main female characters: Nessa, the sister of the victim and aunt of the second POV, niece Ruby.
If you're looking for a novel filled with suspense and drama, twists and chills, keep looking.
When Ruby's mother, Deena, disappears unexpectedly over a decade ago, her estranged partner absconds with their daughter, Ruby, to Vermont.
The narrative becomes two stories, how Nessa struggled with the aftermath of her sister's disappearance, nearly destroying her own mental health in the process, how Deena became enthralled by the psychologically and emotionally abusive Lucas, and Ruby, how she both struggled and evolved under her father's parentage and tutelage, and her eventual discovery of her origins.
There's no urgency or drama, just the slow progression of the years as Ruby grows from a four year old to a tween to a teenager preparing to go to college.
Nessa struggles with her traumas; losing her sister and niece, knowing full well Lucas is the perpetrator but hampered by the laws who seems to favor her sister's estranger partner, especially in light of Deena's mental health struggles.
As their lives ebb and flow over the years and Deena's fate remains unknown, Nessa never loses hope Lucas will be brought to justice and she will be reunited with her beloved niece.
Ruby's growing awareness of her true identity is supported by her friends, and eventually, her grandmother, who is nearing the end of her life and is desperate to make amends.
This was a well written novel about survival, love, and hope, though I found it hard to connect with anyone, including Ruby.
In some ways, I was more intrigued by Lucas; why he was the way he was, how did he end up like this, and how Clover's deference enabled her son's dangerous and eventual homicidal actions.
I prefer mysteries with, you know, a mystery and/or a police procedural format and this wasn't that.
But, I enjoyed the writing and I think some readers will enjoy it, too.
May 21, 2023
My Rating: 4⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ heartbreaking and well written EXCELLENT READ!!!
It’s 2004 and Deena Garvey disappears leaving behind a daughter and her sister. Deena’s daughter Ruby grows up in an isolated country town in Vermont with her dad who only allows her to call him by his first name. The way she lives is normal to her, but it is not a normal childhood. She is constantly making sure she doesn’t make her dad angry… never asking about her absent mother who she is told left her when she was three.
Deena’s sister Nessa stays stuck in limbo in Philadelphia knowing that Deena’s ex is responsible for her sister’s disappearance, but never able to prove it. She desperately misses Ruby but is denied all access.
Over fourteen years, four hundred miles apart Ruby and Nessa slowly begin to discover the truth about what is missing in their lives and it isn’t just Deena. Unearthing secrets, lies and finding out that power and control has shaped the women they are today. Will they ever find out what happened to Deena Garvey??
Well, I was dubious about this one at first. I have been burnt so many times on NetGalley with juicy synopsis and then left with a pile of stinking trash… but this… was great. I really enjoyed it. I highly recommend it. I will address why I gave it four instead of five up front…
I felt like there could have been slightly more to the story… I think the characters were well developed but just not quite enough, the story was well told but just not quite enough. I just think it could have used slightly more oomph to power it on… BUT I really liked it. I had trouble putting it down…and the only reason I didn’t read it quicker was that I had a really busy work week and was dog tired…
I liked Ruby so much, she was my favourite character without a doubt. Even from a little girl she was fun and vibrant with a big personality, to the teenage girl she became, careful and wary and ambitious. Then as a young woman dealing with some really heavy stuff she was tough and never mean. She really went through it and she was naive but you know why.
You really hate Lucas (well I did) Ruby’s dad and you are meant to… but at times you are left wondering is he really a bad guy… did he do anything bad at all… this is the beauty of this story. There is a mystery at the heart of it and you are given bits of information along the way but it isn’t in an annoying OOOOH THERE IS A SECRET and I will drip feed you bits and pieces until I unveil a lame twist.
For me you basically know (or think you know) what is going on the whole way you just need the plot filled in. And that is exactly what the author does. She goes through the motions of multi POV and multi timelines to fill in the blanks and bring you to the penultimate ending. The first chapter had me confused… but I don’t mind a bit of confusion and that is because the first chapter starts almost at the end and you don’t know anyone yet… so you read that… then you go back in time… and forward and back until you get to the current time. Which I really love. If this style confuses or annoys you I would give this book a miss.
I really liked the writing style it was engaging and really shined on the heartbreaking emotions, there was no hand holding in this one… which I appreciated. I like to be able to understand a story without it being a play by play the whole way through. I like the writing to shine on its own so I can just follow on and the within a chapter we can move through weeks or months without the author going and then three weeks later they met up for a drink and it was a white wine spritzer with an umbrella…. This is not like that. You finish one sentence appropriately and then it moves onto the next part of the story… and that might be three weeks later… you just know this I love. Well done…
I have never read an Una Mannion book before but I will definitely be going and checking out her other (I think she only has one so far except this one) and looking for future ones. I got this in the NetGalley section of mystery and thriller I would say this is definitely more mystery but family drama and heartbreaking vibes. Definitely not a thriller. There is no serial killer, no big twist just a lot of emotion and lives that have been torn apart from an event that seemed to make no sense to anyone.
Overall, I can’t say bad things about this one it was thoroughly enjoyable and even though it didn’t get a full 5 stars from me it was down to semantics but I think they mattered in the star rating… but I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend this to my GoodReads friends (Carol I think you would like this one). If you like multi-timelines and multi-POV definitely this is a winner. The only other gripe I had (and this didn’t affect my rating at all) is that the formatting is a bit off and the file made my kindle shut down every time I closed it after reading… so I think the publisher could do better there. Otherwise I highly recommend getting an Advanced Copy or published copy of this one.
Thank you to Faber & Faber, NetGalley and Una Mannion for an advanced copy of this book, all opinions expressed are my own.
It’s 2004 and Deena Garvey disappears leaving behind a daughter and her sister. Deena’s daughter Ruby grows up in an isolated country town in Vermont with her dad who only allows her to call him by his first name. The way she lives is normal to her, but it is not a normal childhood. She is constantly making sure she doesn’t make her dad angry… never asking about her absent mother who she is told left her when she was three.
Deena’s sister Nessa stays stuck in limbo in Philadelphia knowing that Deena’s ex is responsible for her sister’s disappearance, but never able to prove it. She desperately misses Ruby but is denied all access.
Over fourteen years, four hundred miles apart Ruby and Nessa slowly begin to discover the truth about what is missing in their lives and it isn’t just Deena. Unearthing secrets, lies and finding out that power and control has shaped the women they are today. Will they ever find out what happened to Deena Garvey??
Well, I was dubious about this one at first. I have been burnt so many times on NetGalley with juicy synopsis and then left with a pile of stinking trash… but this… was great. I really enjoyed it. I highly recommend it. I will address why I gave it four instead of five up front…
I felt like there could have been slightly more to the story… I think the characters were well developed but just not quite enough, the story was well told but just not quite enough. I just think it could have used slightly more oomph to power it on… BUT I really liked it. I had trouble putting it down…and the only reason I didn’t read it quicker was that I had a really busy work week and was dog tired…
I liked Ruby so much, she was my favourite character without a doubt. Even from a little girl she was fun and vibrant with a big personality, to the teenage girl she became, careful and wary and ambitious. Then as a young woman dealing with some really heavy stuff she was tough and never mean. She really went through it and she was naive but you know why.
You really hate Lucas (well I did) Ruby’s dad and you are meant to… but at times you are left wondering is he really a bad guy… did he do anything bad at all… this is the beauty of this story. There is a mystery at the heart of it and you are given bits of information along the way but it isn’t in an annoying OOOOH THERE IS A SECRET and I will drip feed you bits and pieces until I unveil a lame twist.
For me you basically know (or think you know) what is going on the whole way you just need the plot filled in. And that is exactly what the author does. She goes through the motions of multi POV and multi timelines to fill in the blanks and bring you to the penultimate ending. The first chapter had me confused… but I don’t mind a bit of confusion and that is because the first chapter starts almost at the end and you don’t know anyone yet… so you read that… then you go back in time… and forward and back until you get to the current time. Which I really love. If this style confuses or annoys you I would give this book a miss.
I really liked the writing style it was engaging and really shined on the heartbreaking emotions, there was no hand holding in this one… which I appreciated. I like to be able to understand a story without it being a play by play the whole way through. I like the writing to shine on its own so I can just follow on and the within a chapter we can move through weeks or months without the author going and then three weeks later they met up for a drink and it was a white wine spritzer with an umbrella…. This is not like that. You finish one sentence appropriately and then it moves onto the next part of the story… and that might be three weeks later… you just know this I love. Well done…
I have never read an Una Mannion book before but I will definitely be going and checking out her other (I think she only has one so far except this one) and looking for future ones. I got this in the NetGalley section of mystery and thriller I would say this is definitely more mystery but family drama and heartbreaking vibes. Definitely not a thriller. There is no serial killer, no big twist just a lot of emotion and lives that have been torn apart from an event that seemed to make no sense to anyone.
Overall, I can’t say bad things about this one it was thoroughly enjoyable and even though it didn’t get a full 5 stars from me it was down to semantics but I think they mattered in the star rating… but I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend this to my GoodReads friends (Carol I think you would like this one). If you like multi-timelines and multi-POV definitely this is a winner. The only other gripe I had (and this didn’t affect my rating at all) is that the formatting is a bit off and the file made my kindle shut down every time I closed it after reading… so I think the publisher could do better there. Otherwise I highly recommend getting an Advanced Copy or published copy of this one.
Thank you to Faber & Faber, NetGalley and Una Mannion for an advanced copy of this book, all opinions expressed are my own.
December 24, 2023
TW: Language, drinking, toxic family relationships, abusive relationships, smoking, drug abuse, cancer
*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:
Release Date: Nessa Garvey’s sister Deena vanished without a trace in Philadelphia in 2004. In all that time, Nessa has never once doubted what her instincts told her: her sister’s ex-husband has gotten away with an unspeakable crime.Nessa’s niece, Ruby, is raised by her father, the man Nessa suspects, in rural Vermont, on the shores of Lake Champlain. Ruby learns how to hunt, how the plants and trees grow, how to avoid making her father angry. The one question she longs to ask is the one she knows she cannot voice: What really happened to her mother?Over fourteen years, four hundred miles apart, these two women slowly begin to unearth the family history of insidious power and control that has shaped them both in such different ways. But can they reach each other in time?
Release Date: May 30th, 2023
Genre: Thriller
Pages: 279
Rating: ⭐
What I Liked:
1. Short - fast read
2. I liked the idea of the book
3. Writing was good
What I Didn't Like:
1. Boring
2. Nothing happens
3. Didn't feel like a thriller
4. Or a mystery
Overall Thoughts:
Sigh. I hate when a book has pretty good reviews and people love it, but I just found it boring .
I thought this was a thriller but thrilled was something I did not feel. It also didn't feel like it was a mystery either. We get pov's from different characters - Ruby and Nessa. There's the timeline from when Deena was around but told from Nessa's pov then (2004) to 2016
Then we'll jump to Ruby's pov from (2004) to 2016.
It was absolutely gut wrenching reading about Deena being abused.
I think the author did a great job at showcasing how having depression can be used against you. It's definitely a double edge sword though because some people with depression have done bad things to themselves and others and some people struggling with depression are able to function and not deal with it in that way.
I don't understand why 250 pages into the book we get a section of Nessa writing to Lukas' current girlfriend about him. This all felt weird and pointless. I thought we were trying to solve a mystery in this book not care about a character we don't even know and haven't be introduced to. Who cares???
God, so I guess it's no mystery *shrug*
Final Thoughts:
I will NEVER remember this book.
IG | Blog
*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:
Release Date: Nessa Garvey’s sister Deena vanished without a trace in Philadelphia in 2004. In all that time, Nessa has never once doubted what her instincts told her: her sister’s ex-husband has gotten away with an unspeakable crime.Nessa’s niece, Ruby, is raised by her father, the man Nessa suspects, in rural Vermont, on the shores of Lake Champlain. Ruby learns how to hunt, how the plants and trees grow, how to avoid making her father angry. The one question she longs to ask is the one she knows she cannot voice: What really happened to her mother?Over fourteen years, four hundred miles apart, these two women slowly begin to unearth the family history of insidious power and control that has shaped them both in such different ways. But can they reach each other in time?
Release Date: May 30th, 2023
Genre: Thriller
Pages: 279
Rating: ⭐
What I Liked:
1. Short - fast read
2. I liked the idea of the book
3. Writing was good
What I Didn't Like:
1. Boring
2. Nothing happens
3. Didn't feel like a thriller
4. Or a mystery
Overall Thoughts:
Sigh. I hate when a book has pretty good reviews and people love it, but I just found it boring .
I thought this was a thriller but thrilled was something I did not feel. It also didn't feel like it was a mystery either. We get pov's from different characters - Ruby and Nessa. There's the timeline from when Deena was around but told from Nessa's pov then (2004) to 2016
Then we'll jump to Ruby's pov from (2004) to 2016.
It was absolutely gut wrenching reading about Deena being abused.
I think the author did a great job at showcasing how having depression can be used against you. It's definitely a double edge sword though because some people with depression have done bad things to themselves and others and some people struggling with depression are able to function and not deal with it in that way.
I don't understand why 250 pages into the book we get a section of Nessa writing to Lukas' current girlfriend about him. This all felt weird and pointless. I thought we were trying to solve a mystery in this book not care about a character we don't even know and haven't be introduced to. Who cares???
God, so I guess it's no mystery *shrug*
Final Thoughts:
I will NEVER remember this book.
IG | Blog
June 22, 2023
Deena Garvey is missing.
I find books like Tell Me What I Am almost impossible to review because I fear I’ll sully their very existence simply trying to articulate how wonderful they are. And Tell Me What I Am is magnificent. It hits the reader hard in the solar plexus. It’s intense, beautifully written and mesmerising, despite, or perhaps because of, its underpinning theme of control and coercion. I thought it was absolutely brilliant. The way in which Una Mannion considers the ugliness of coercive control balanced against the beauty of her writing is nothing short of genius.
Settings are described with such elegance and a lightness of touch that is breath-taking, placing the reader right inside the story. Similarly, I loved the fact that there are no speech marks because it feels as if any barrier between reader and character has been removed, involving the reader in the action as if they are part of the story too. Add in the recognisable cultural references to music, art or politics and Tell Me What I Am pulsates with a realism that is totally ensnaring.
Initially I was disconcerted when I realised there are different points of view and time frames in Tell Me What I Am, because usually I have to concentrate hard to keep such storylines clear in my head, but Una Mannion writes with such precision and skill that I was effortlessly absorbed. Both Nessa and Ruby’s threads are vivid, astoundingly affecting, and perfectly presented. This is one of those books that is experienced rather than read.
I thought Lucas was such a fantastic character. He’s thoroughly convincing, making him terrifying as well as plausible. Through him the lives of so many women are altered – his wife, his daughter, his mother. What is so unnerving is that whilst Lucas is a undoubtedly a monster, there’s no denying his upbringing of Ruby helps make her a wonderful young woman who is one of the most memorable characters I’ve encountered. This is such a disturbing element to Una Mannion’s writing. I loved the way Deena is missing from the beginning and yet her power drives the narrative. Without her there would be no story.
The mystery of Deena’s disappearance and Lucas’s custody of Ruby illustrates how women are still so frequently seen as inferior or second class and how much unfairness exists in our supposedly modern society. Reading Tell Me What I Am made me rage. It made me despair and it gave me hope. Whilst there’s almost unbearable tension, especially towards the denouement, Tell Me What I Am also illustrates profound positivity and strength. Through Nessa and Ruby we see the power of women, their stoicism and their ability, through both family and sheer will, to rise above circumstances and simply to be. Ruby may be looking for answers, but she is capable of finding what and who she is for herself. I found this element of the story incredibly and profoundly moving.
With themes of loyalty and trust, mental and physical health and abuse, betrayal and redemption and so much more, Tell Me What I Am is authentic, affecting and, quite simply, amazing. It’s not to be missed and one of my favourite reads this year. I absolutely adored it.
I find books like Tell Me What I Am almost impossible to review because I fear I’ll sully their very existence simply trying to articulate how wonderful they are. And Tell Me What I Am is magnificent. It hits the reader hard in the solar plexus. It’s intense, beautifully written and mesmerising, despite, or perhaps because of, its underpinning theme of control and coercion. I thought it was absolutely brilliant. The way in which Una Mannion considers the ugliness of coercive control balanced against the beauty of her writing is nothing short of genius.
Settings are described with such elegance and a lightness of touch that is breath-taking, placing the reader right inside the story. Similarly, I loved the fact that there are no speech marks because it feels as if any barrier between reader and character has been removed, involving the reader in the action as if they are part of the story too. Add in the recognisable cultural references to music, art or politics and Tell Me What I Am pulsates with a realism that is totally ensnaring.
Initially I was disconcerted when I realised there are different points of view and time frames in Tell Me What I Am, because usually I have to concentrate hard to keep such storylines clear in my head, but Una Mannion writes with such precision and skill that I was effortlessly absorbed. Both Nessa and Ruby’s threads are vivid, astoundingly affecting, and perfectly presented. This is one of those books that is experienced rather than read.
I thought Lucas was such a fantastic character. He’s thoroughly convincing, making him terrifying as well as plausible. Through him the lives of so many women are altered – his wife, his daughter, his mother. What is so unnerving is that whilst Lucas is a undoubtedly a monster, there’s no denying his upbringing of Ruby helps make her a wonderful young woman who is one of the most memorable characters I’ve encountered. This is such a disturbing element to Una Mannion’s writing. I loved the way Deena is missing from the beginning and yet her power drives the narrative. Without her there would be no story.
The mystery of Deena’s disappearance and Lucas’s custody of Ruby illustrates how women are still so frequently seen as inferior or second class and how much unfairness exists in our supposedly modern society. Reading Tell Me What I Am made me rage. It made me despair and it gave me hope. Whilst there’s almost unbearable tension, especially towards the denouement, Tell Me What I Am also illustrates profound positivity and strength. Through Nessa and Ruby we see the power of women, their stoicism and their ability, through both family and sheer will, to rise above circumstances and simply to be. Ruby may be looking for answers, but she is capable of finding what and who she is for herself. I found this element of the story incredibly and profoundly moving.
With themes of loyalty and trust, mental and physical health and abuse, betrayal and redemption and so much more, Tell Me What I Am is authentic, affecting and, quite simply, amazing. It’s not to be missed and one of my favourite reads this year. I absolutely adored it.
October 1, 2024
When Ruby's mother, Deena, disappears unexpectedly over a decadè ago, her estranged partner leaves with their daughter, Ruby, to Vermont.
There seems to be no sense of urgency or drama, just the slow progression of years as Ruby grows from a 4 year old to a teenager preparing to go to college. This becomes two stories, how Nessa struggled with the aftermath of her sister's disappearance, nearly destroying her own mental health in the process, how Deena became addicted by the psychologically and emotionally abusive Lucas, and Ruby, how she both struggled and evolved under her father's influence.
I had a hard time getting into this one & sticking with it because it jumped through time a lot. I appreciated the date at the beginning of each chapter, but still found myself confused. I wouldn't label this as a thriller or mystery/thriller. It was a very different read for me and unfortunately just didn't work for me.
I will say I think the characters were very well written & developed. I would of liked to have known a little more about Lucas's background and what made him the way he was.
I think readers should be aware that there are triggers including mental health, drug abuse, physical abuse, despair, loneliness and sorrow.
There seems to be no sense of urgency or drama, just the slow progression of years as Ruby grows from a 4 year old to a teenager preparing to go to college. This becomes two stories, how Nessa struggled with the aftermath of her sister's disappearance, nearly destroying her own mental health in the process, how Deena became addicted by the psychologically and emotionally abusive Lucas, and Ruby, how she both struggled and evolved under her father's influence.
I had a hard time getting into this one & sticking with it because it jumped through time a lot. I appreciated the date at the beginning of each chapter, but still found myself confused. I wouldn't label this as a thriller or mystery/thriller. It was a very different read for me and unfortunately just didn't work for me.
I will say I think the characters were very well written & developed. I would of liked to have known a little more about Lucas's background and what made him the way he was.
I think readers should be aware that there are triggers including mental health, drug abuse, physical abuse, despair, loneliness and sorrow.
March 22, 2023
I really enjoyed this second novel from author Una Mannion. Set in her native Philadelphia, it’s a gripping psychological family drama about the disappearance of young mother & NICU nurse Deena Garvey.
Deena comes from a close knit Irish American family. Her life changes after she meets the controlling Lucas Chevalier. Following the birth of their daughter Ruby, the relationship becomes even more toxic, with Deena abused both emotionally and physically. She finally manages to escape with Ruby and returns to live with her sister Nessa. One morning Nessa wakes up and Deena is gone.
The book switches over and back in time with Nessa and Ruby as the two main narrators. Teenage Ruby now lives with Lucas & his mother Clover on the shores of Lake Champlain, Vermont. They live a life of self-sufficiency; Ruby is taught to hunt and fish and how to use a gun. Lucas is equally controlling of Ruby, and she lives in constant fear of his erratic temper. Deena is never spoken of. Ruby has dim memories of her mother, convinced she is still alive. Meanwhile, Nessa continues in her campaign to find Deena.
This was a great slow burner read with the author skilfully building layer upon layer of plot, demonstrating the effect of Deena’s disappearance on the family dynamic. Whereas I had some issues with the pacing of 𝘐 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘠𝘰𝘶, the pacing here was just right. I was drip-fed just enough intrigue to keep me interested throughout. The book never strayed into melodrama. The author has created a really impactful novel by gradually building up the characters, allowing us to get to know and care about them. The final suspense filled chapters were very satisfying! This was a really enjoyable read and one that book-clubs would enjoy as there are so many potential talking points. 4 ⭐️
Many thanks again to @faberbooks for the advance copy of this book. So grateful! 𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘔𝘦 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘈𝘮 is published in June 2023.
Deena comes from a close knit Irish American family. Her life changes after she meets the controlling Lucas Chevalier. Following the birth of their daughter Ruby, the relationship becomes even more toxic, with Deena abused both emotionally and physically. She finally manages to escape with Ruby and returns to live with her sister Nessa. One morning Nessa wakes up and Deena is gone.
The book switches over and back in time with Nessa and Ruby as the two main narrators. Teenage Ruby now lives with Lucas & his mother Clover on the shores of Lake Champlain, Vermont. They live a life of self-sufficiency; Ruby is taught to hunt and fish and how to use a gun. Lucas is equally controlling of Ruby, and she lives in constant fear of his erratic temper. Deena is never spoken of. Ruby has dim memories of her mother, convinced she is still alive. Meanwhile, Nessa continues in her campaign to find Deena.
This was a great slow burner read with the author skilfully building layer upon layer of plot, demonstrating the effect of Deena’s disappearance on the family dynamic. Whereas I had some issues with the pacing of 𝘐 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘠𝘰𝘶, the pacing here was just right. I was drip-fed just enough intrigue to keep me interested throughout. The book never strayed into melodrama. The author has created a really impactful novel by gradually building up the characters, allowing us to get to know and care about them. The final suspense filled chapters were very satisfying! This was a really enjoyable read and one that book-clubs would enjoy as there are so many potential talking points. 4 ⭐️
Many thanks again to @faberbooks for the advance copy of this book. So grateful! 𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘔𝘦 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘈𝘮 is published in June 2023.
May 24, 2023
This slow-burn, melancholy family drama is Una Mannion’s second novel, following on from her great debut A Crooked Tree. Similar to A Crooked Tree, this one is set in the US (Philadelphia and Vermont) with an Irish-American family at its heart.
Nessa Garvey is grieving for her sister who went missing fourteen years ago. Nessa believes she knows the man responsible for Deena’s disappearance but has no proof. Deena’s daughter Ruby has been raised in Vermont by her father Lucas since her mother’s disappearance and has no contact with her mother’s family but has always keenly felt her mother’s absence.
In a slow-moving story, both Nessa and Ruby begin to pull at the threads to find out what happened to Deena.
This one has an intriguing story, gorgeous writing and some well-developed characters. Lucas, Ruby’s father, and the coercive control he exercises over everyone in his circle is brilliantly done.
The story was missing something for me though. The pacing was incredibly slow and the story too drawn out in places, particularly Nessa’s perspective. In trying to settle on a rating, I asked myself how keen was I to pick it up at every given opportunity and the answer unfortunately is not very keen. Some great writing but it needed an injection of pace. It’s very gloomy too, there’s no real light or humour in the book at any point.
If you enjoy stories about Irish-American families (We Are The Brennans, Ask Again Yes) and true crime stories about missing women, I think you might enjoy this one. 3/5⭐️
*Many thanks to @faberbooks and @gillhessltd for the advance proof copy of the book. Tell Me What I Am will be published in June. As always, this is an honest review.*
TW: mental illness, coercive control, domestic abuse
Nessa Garvey is grieving for her sister who went missing fourteen years ago. Nessa believes she knows the man responsible for Deena’s disappearance but has no proof. Deena’s daughter Ruby has been raised in Vermont by her father Lucas since her mother’s disappearance and has no contact with her mother’s family but has always keenly felt her mother’s absence.
In a slow-moving story, both Nessa and Ruby begin to pull at the threads to find out what happened to Deena.
This one has an intriguing story, gorgeous writing and some well-developed characters. Lucas, Ruby’s father, and the coercive control he exercises over everyone in his circle is brilliantly done.
The story was missing something for me though. The pacing was incredibly slow and the story too drawn out in places, particularly Nessa’s perspective. In trying to settle on a rating, I asked myself how keen was I to pick it up at every given opportunity and the answer unfortunately is not very keen. Some great writing but it needed an injection of pace. It’s very gloomy too, there’s no real light or humour in the book at any point.
If you enjoy stories about Irish-American families (We Are The Brennans, Ask Again Yes) and true crime stories about missing women, I think you might enjoy this one. 3/5⭐️
*Many thanks to @faberbooks and @gillhessltd for the advance proof copy of the book. Tell Me What I Am will be published in June. As always, this is an honest review.*
TW: mental illness, coercive control, domestic abuse
August 12, 2023
Tell Me What I Am by Una Mannion ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ruby has been raised by her father, learning many things including how to not make him angry. She doesn’t know her history or that her mother went missing.
I had a hard time getting into this one sticking with it because it jumped through time a lot. While I appreciated the date at the beginning of each chapter, I still found myself confused. After a few pages of each chapter I figured it out. The characters were very well done and developed. There was a lot of emotion in the story and it felt very real.
“Everything that I thought was compelling then is creepy now”.
Tell Me What I Am comes out 8/15
Ruby has been raised by her father, learning many things including how to not make him angry. She doesn’t know her history or that her mother went missing.
I had a hard time getting into this one sticking with it because it jumped through time a lot. While I appreciated the date at the beginning of each chapter, I still found myself confused. After a few pages of each chapter I figured it out. The characters were very well done and developed. There was a lot of emotion in the story and it felt very real.
“Everything that I thought was compelling then is creepy now”.
Tell Me What I Am comes out 8/15
June 21, 2023
Maybe I read an entirely different book from the rest of the world. Reading felt like a chore and I had to DNF it. I liked how it started though.
August 15, 2023
Did I just read one of my favorite books of 2023? Well yes, yes I did.
I loved Mannion's A Crooked Tree so I begged for an arc of this one and man, did groveling prove to be worth it. Mannion's writing is just so beautiful and her imagery is so clear and crisp and I absolutely loved every moment of this amazing book.
Tell Me What I Am is told from two povs--that of Nessa and her niece Ruby. Ruby and her mother Deena are living with Nessa. Ruby is with her father for the weekend when Deena disappears--and Ruby's father refuses to release custody of her. Ruby's father moves her to rural Vermont and restricts any contact with Nessa and her family. He tells Ruby that her mother left her, while Nessa suspects he has something to do with Deena's disappearance. What follows is a heart achingly beautiful story of a girl growing up without a mother and a woman living without her sister.
"I just washed up to Middle Lake School with amnesia or something. Like in a movie. And I feel like nothing. Everyone will eventually find out that I'm empty. No personality, no history, no stories about family. I am nothing except what I have been told I am."
Mannion's prose is infused with so much feeling, I felt every bump and bruise and tear that Ruby and Nessa laid on the page.
I loved Mannion's A Crooked Tree so I begged for an arc of this one and man, did groveling prove to be worth it. Mannion's writing is just so beautiful and her imagery is so clear and crisp and I absolutely loved every moment of this amazing book.
Tell Me What I Am is told from two povs--that of Nessa and her niece Ruby. Ruby and her mother Deena are living with Nessa. Ruby is with her father for the weekend when Deena disappears--and Ruby's father refuses to release custody of her. Ruby's father moves her to rural Vermont and restricts any contact with Nessa and her family. He tells Ruby that her mother left her, while Nessa suspects he has something to do with Deena's disappearance. What follows is a heart achingly beautiful story of a girl growing up without a mother and a woman living without her sister.
"I just washed up to Middle Lake School with amnesia or something. Like in a movie. And I feel like nothing. Everyone will eventually find out that I'm empty. No personality, no history, no stories about family. I am nothing except what I have been told I am."
Mannion's prose is infused with so much feeling, I felt every bump and bruise and tear that Ruby and Nessa laid on the page.
January 24, 2024
Mannion's novel lays out a very believable story of domestic violence and its far-reaching, long-lasting effects on family and friends of the abused as well as the abuser. From the progression of a predator stalking of his victim, eroding her confidence and independence with a thousand small cuts of control, and finally, physically controlling her through violence, Mannion's portrait of domestic violence is chilling. I found it hard to keep reading at times. If you are looking for a mystery or a thriller, this is not that book. Tell Me What I Am explores the periphery of domestic violence. What happens when children are involved? How does our criminal justice system fail in protecting women and children? What about other family members who are seeking a path to intervene? Why is domestic violence so prevalent and why is it so easy to turn a blind eye? These are the topics that came up for me as I read the novel. A tragic and thought-provoking read.
July 30, 2023
Deena Garvey disappeared one day, she never turned up for work and left behind her daughter Ruby. Dena's sister Nessa is convinced it has something to do with Lucas who was Deena's abusive partner.
This heartbreaking story is told in 2 timelines and focuses on teenage Ruby who is living with her father Lucas. Her mother is never spoken about and she has dim memories of her.
Nessa has concentrated on finding Ruby and will do whatever is necessary to find her.
This beautifully written book has larger than life characters that draw you in emotionally, making you feel invested in them.
Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for an honest review.
This heartbreaking story is told in 2 timelines and focuses on teenage Ruby who is living with her father Lucas. Her mother is never spoken about and she has dim memories of her.
Nessa has concentrated on finding Ruby and will do whatever is necessary to find her.
This beautifully written book has larger than life characters that draw you in emotionally, making you feel invested in them.
Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for an honest review.
January 15, 2025
What really happened to Deena Garvey? This is the question asked and which is answered. Ruby the daughter of Deena is raised by her father Lucas and his mother Clover. Deena’s family Nessa, Ruby’s aunt is prevented access and Ruby is raised in Vermont by her controlling father.
The story goes back in force in time when Deena was around and to the present day. It tells the story of domestic violence and powerlessness. Ruby grows up not knowing about her mother and a father who watches her every move.
The ending is poignant.
The story goes back in force in time when Deena was around and to the present day. It tells the story of domestic violence and powerlessness. Ruby grows up not knowing about her mother and a father who watches her every move.
The ending is poignant.
June 3, 2023
Tell Me What I Am tells the story of two women, Ruby and Nessa, both connected by the disappearance of Deena Garvey. Nessa is Deena’s sister, who spends her life searching for her. She believes Deena would never have walked out on her daughter, Ruby, and that her disappearance (or death?) is at the hands of her estranged partner, Lucas.
Ruby cannot remember her mother, and her father will not talk about her, always having lead Ruby to believe that her mother left them. As Ruby grows into a teenager, she begins to wonder who her mother was, who she herself is, and did her father really have nothing to do with her disappearance? Ruby doesn’t even know that her Aunt Nessa exists.
Una Mannion is an exceptional writer. As Ruby explores the wilderness of Vermont, you feel yourself transported there with Una’s vivid descriptions of her outdoor adventures. Nessa’s frustrations with Lucas & being unable to see her niece are palpable and you can truly understand the paths she takes.
I loved this novel. A story of torn families, struggling with identity, power, control and the underlying thoughts of how very different life could have been if Deena had never disappeared.
Ruby cannot remember her mother, and her father will not talk about her, always having lead Ruby to believe that her mother left them. As Ruby grows into a teenager, she begins to wonder who her mother was, who she herself is, and did her father really have nothing to do with her disappearance? Ruby doesn’t even know that her Aunt Nessa exists.
Una Mannion is an exceptional writer. As Ruby explores the wilderness of Vermont, you feel yourself transported there with Una’s vivid descriptions of her outdoor adventures. Nessa’s frustrations with Lucas & being unable to see her niece are palpable and you can truly understand the paths she takes.
I loved this novel. A story of torn families, struggling with identity, power, control and the underlying thoughts of how very different life could have been if Deena had never disappeared.
March 6, 2023
I thought that the writing was really great, but the story left me wanting a little more. This book was a really slow burn throughout, and I was expecting more of a climax to go along with the build up.
March 7, 2025
I enjoyed the book overall, really just didn't like how it was written where conversations didn't have quotation marks?? just me being picky.
January 22, 2025
Deena Garvey went missing back in 2004. Leaving behind a sister, Nessa, and a daughter, Ruby.
Ruby lives out in the country with her dad and grandmother. Theirs is a quiet life. Her father can be volatile so no one wants to upset him.
Nessa never stops searching for her sister. She thinks she knows test happened to her, but how to prove it.
This is a story spanning fourteen years, beautifully written and filled with sadness, regrets and what ifs. A tale of destiny and chance and one that will really give you pause for thought.
There is a lot of jumping back and forth over timelines and characters, I started this on audio but found it too confusing so had to go to the book. Once I’d familiarised myself with all the characters and the different timelines I moved back to the audio (this is why I always like to have a back up hard copy!) and it was superb, I couldn’t stop listening.
Ruby lives out in the country with her dad and grandmother. Theirs is a quiet life. Her father can be volatile so no one wants to upset him.
Nessa never stops searching for her sister. She thinks she knows test happened to her, but how to prove it.
This is a story spanning fourteen years, beautifully written and filled with sadness, regrets and what ifs. A tale of destiny and chance and one that will really give you pause for thought.
There is a lot of jumping back and forth over timelines and characters, I started this on audio but found it too confusing so had to go to the book. Once I’d familiarised myself with all the characters and the different timelines I moved back to the audio (this is why I always like to have a back up hard copy!) and it was superb, I couldn’t stop listening.
August 31, 2025
Ein toller Roman (den Krimi sehe ich hier drin nur marginal) über missbräuchliche Männer bzw. Familienstrukturen, eine tolle coming of age Geschichte und lauter komplexe Charaktere.
Ein paar Längen hatte die Geschichte für mich, aber ich würde das Buch trotzdem uneingeschränkt empfehlen.
Ein paar Längen hatte die Geschichte für mich, aber ich würde das Buch trotzdem uneingeschränkt empfehlen.
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July 11, 2024The second heat wave of the summer is on its seventh day, I think, though it feels like it's always been like this. I'm barely human. So when I saw that the Crime Writers' Association had awarded the Gold Dagger to the novel, I thought I'd kill several flies with one blow - something interesting enough (it won an award) without making me work too hard (it's straightforward genre fiction). The result is that I give up after about sixty pages. It must be the heat, but I have zero patience. I don't care about anything or anyone.
October 16, 2024
Auf einer Insel im Lake Champlain in Vermont lebt Ruby Chevalier mit ihrem alleinerziehenden Vater Lucas und dessen Mutter Clover. Hier sind die Leute stolz darauf, härter im Nehmen zu sein als Nicht-Insulaner, und die Reichweite des Telefonkabels bestimmt bei einigen heute noch, wo im Haus sie telefonieren können. Als eines Tages ein Anruf eingeht „Hier ist Nessa, deine Tante“, verschlägt es Ruby die Sprache. Von einer Tante hat sie noch nie gehört. Sie lebt hier mit Lucas und Clover, seit sie sich erinnern kann, weil ihre Mutter Deena eine unzuverlässige Person gewesen sei, hatte ihr Vater stets versichert.
Mit wechselndem Focus auf Nessa Garvey und Ruby und mit zahlreichen Zeitsprüngen erfahren wir, wie Lucas in Philadelphia die depressive Deena kurz vor der Jahrtausendwende ihrem italienisch-irischen Familienclan entfremdete und sie nach der Geburt Rubys im Jahr 2000 praktisch einer Gehirnwäsche unterzog. Als Deena eines Tages nicht zur Arbeit erscheint und nicht wieder auftaucht, ahnt ihre ältere Schwester Böses. Sie wird Deena und Ruby vermutlich nicht wiedersehen; denn Väter wie Lucas, gegen die bereits wegen häuslicher Gewalt ermittelt wurde, haben rein statistisch ungewöhnlich gute Chancen, das Sorgerecht für ihre Kinder zugesprochen zu bekommen. Doch Lucas Idee, mit Ruby zu Clover zu ziehen, war offenbar nicht die hellste. Während das Leben mit ihm einem Minenfeld gleicht, sucht Ruby mit wachsender Raffinesse nach Deena. Von irgendwem müssen ja die gefütterten gelben Umschläge stammen, die Lucas so konsequent vor ihr versteckt. Tessa widmet indessen ihr Leben und ihr Vermögen der Suche nach ihrer Nichte – und ihre Familie wünscht sich, sie könne endlich loslassen. Rubys Situation verschärft sich, seit sie auf Drängen der Schulbehörde zur Schule geht. Bei jeder Kleinigkeit muss sie nun fürchten, dass Lucas vor anderen ausrastet und sie wieder vor Scham im Boden versinken möchte.
Durch Rubys Geburtsjahr 2000 und die Jahreszahlen am Kapitelanfang lässt sich Rubys jeweiliges Alter trotz der Zeitsprünge leicht einordnen. Seit ihrem vierten Lebensjahr hat Lucas konsequent ihre Erinnerungen an Deena und alle Garveys ausgelöscht, als hätte es sie nicht gegeben. In Rubys Leben darf es keine Erinnerungsstücke geben, keine Anekdoten, kein Merchandising, keine Serien – und vor allem kein Internet. Da aus Lucas Sicht immer andere sich gegen ihn verschworen haben, verachtet er alles, jeden – und besonders die Behörden.
Bei Nessas letzter Begegnung mit Lucas und der damals vierjährigen Ruby wirkte Rubys Vater auf mich wie ein durchgeknallter Agent, bei dem ich mir sicher war, dass seine Ideen meine absurdesten Fantasien noch in den Schatten stellen würden. - Das gelingt ihm tatsächlich.
Eine spannende, berührende Geschichte, mit einer Portion Nature-Writing, eines meiner Lese-Highlights des Jahres.
Mit wechselndem Focus auf Nessa Garvey und Ruby und mit zahlreichen Zeitsprüngen erfahren wir, wie Lucas in Philadelphia die depressive Deena kurz vor der Jahrtausendwende ihrem italienisch-irischen Familienclan entfremdete und sie nach der Geburt Rubys im Jahr 2000 praktisch einer Gehirnwäsche unterzog. Als Deena eines Tages nicht zur Arbeit erscheint und nicht wieder auftaucht, ahnt ihre ältere Schwester Böses. Sie wird Deena und Ruby vermutlich nicht wiedersehen; denn Väter wie Lucas, gegen die bereits wegen häuslicher Gewalt ermittelt wurde, haben rein statistisch ungewöhnlich gute Chancen, das Sorgerecht für ihre Kinder zugesprochen zu bekommen. Doch Lucas Idee, mit Ruby zu Clover zu ziehen, war offenbar nicht die hellste. Während das Leben mit ihm einem Minenfeld gleicht, sucht Ruby mit wachsender Raffinesse nach Deena. Von irgendwem müssen ja die gefütterten gelben Umschläge stammen, die Lucas so konsequent vor ihr versteckt. Tessa widmet indessen ihr Leben und ihr Vermögen der Suche nach ihrer Nichte – und ihre Familie wünscht sich, sie könne endlich loslassen. Rubys Situation verschärft sich, seit sie auf Drängen der Schulbehörde zur Schule geht. Bei jeder Kleinigkeit muss sie nun fürchten, dass Lucas vor anderen ausrastet und sie wieder vor Scham im Boden versinken möchte.
Durch Rubys Geburtsjahr 2000 und die Jahreszahlen am Kapitelanfang lässt sich Rubys jeweiliges Alter trotz der Zeitsprünge leicht einordnen. Seit ihrem vierten Lebensjahr hat Lucas konsequent ihre Erinnerungen an Deena und alle Garveys ausgelöscht, als hätte es sie nicht gegeben. In Rubys Leben darf es keine Erinnerungsstücke geben, keine Anekdoten, kein Merchandising, keine Serien – und vor allem kein Internet. Da aus Lucas Sicht immer andere sich gegen ihn verschworen haben, verachtet er alles, jeden – und besonders die Behörden.
Bei Nessas letzter Begegnung mit Lucas und der damals vierjährigen Ruby wirkte Rubys Vater auf mich wie ein durchgeknallter Agent, bei dem ich mir sicher war, dass seine Ideen meine absurdesten Fantasien noch in den Schatten stellen würden. - Das gelingt ihm tatsächlich.
Eine spannende, berührende Geschichte, mit einer Portion Nature-Writing, eines meiner Lese-Highlights des Jahres.
September 8, 2023
Phenomenal.
The pacing is just perfect where you want to read faster so you can find out what happens but tempered so that you are seeing the lives of these two (/three) women play out.
This book had me under its current, and there were several times when I had to put it down just to breathe a little. Mannion does a phenomenal job with the set of characters, especially the dad.
I think Rose was my favorite in this book. She was so well-developed that it felt mirrored at some points. The changes as she grew up were incredibly well-written and organic. This book truly could have been a biography and I would have been none the wiser.
Truly one of my favorite books.
The pacing is just perfect where you want to read faster so you can find out what happens but tempered so that you are seeing the lives of these two (/three) women play out.
This book had me under its current, and there were several times when I had to put it down just to breathe a little. Mannion does a phenomenal job with the set of characters, especially the dad.
I think Rose was my favorite in this book. She was so well-developed that it felt mirrored at some points. The changes as she grew up were incredibly well-written and organic. This book truly could have been a biography and I would have been none the wiser.
Truly one of my favorite books.
April 22, 2025
This book was extremely slow for me and I had trouble getting into it even a little bit until there was only about 20% left.
Looking at the other reviews, I’m not sure if i was reading the same book or why it just didn’t click for me like it did for so many others. I thought id really enjoy this one, and that wasn’t the case i even debated on DNFing it about half way through.
For a thriller… There is no mystery because the focus has only been on one suspect the entire book, this starts with the description on the back.
Lucas is a narcissist and an abuser. And unfortunately this type of man is a reality so many women have to endure whether its a family member or a significant other.
If i can say one thing i did like aside from just the last 40 pages, i did like the dual POV, and enjoyed Nessa and ruby as characters.
Looking at the other reviews, I’m not sure if i was reading the same book or why it just didn’t click for me like it did for so many others. I thought id really enjoy this one, and that wasn’t the case i even debated on DNFing it about half way through.
For a thriller… There is no mystery because the focus has only been on one suspect the entire book, this starts with the description on the back.
Lucas is a narcissist and an abuser. And unfortunately this type of man is a reality so many women have to endure whether its a family member or a significant other.
If i can say one thing i did like aside from just the last 40 pages, i did like the dual POV, and enjoyed Nessa and ruby as characters.
February 17, 2024
This book was so frustratingly real. So frustratingly real and hopeless and dark at times. It’s almost too real - all the way to the ending, which jarred me when I listened to the audiobook. I couldn’t believe it was just done. Just like that. Maybe that’s deliberate. Life doesn’t wrap up nicely either. Certainly not when domestic violence is involved.
This isn’t the book to pick up for a light read, or a fun thrilling read. This is a book that understands the burden of the story it’s trying to tell. It does it so well that you can feel that weight in your chest. I feel sad. The book did its job.
This isn’t the book to pick up for a light read, or a fun thrilling read. This is a book that understands the burden of the story it’s trying to tell. It does it so well that you can feel that weight in your chest. I feel sad. The book did its job.
December 16, 2024
»Sag mir, was ich bin« ist eine aufwühlende Familiengeschichte über die zersetzende Wirkung von Narzissmus und die stille Widerstandskraft tiefer Verbundenheit. Die Autorin hat gute Ausdrucksformen auch für unterschwellige Dynamiken und aufgeladene Interaktionen gefunden. Entstanden ist eine authentische, schonungslose Erzählung, die ohne Effekthascherei auskommt.
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