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Ethnographic Studies in Subjectivity
Being Single in India: Stories of Gender, Exclusion, and Possibility
A free open access ebook is available upon publication. Learn more at www.luminosoa.org.
Today, the majority of the world's population lives in a country with falling marriage rates, a phenomenon with profound impacts on women, gender, and sexuality. In this exceptionally crafted ethnography, Sarah Lamb probes the gendered trend of single women living in India, examining what makes living outside marriage for women increasingly possible and yet incredibly challenging. Featuring the stories of never-married women as young as 35 and as old as 92, the book offers a remarkable portrait of a way of life experienced by women across class and caste divides, from urban professionals and rural day laborers, to those who identify as heterosexual and lesbian, to others who evaded marriage both by choice and by circumstance. For women in India, complex social-cultural and political-economic contexts are foundational to their lives and decisions, and evading marriage is often an unintended consequence of other pressing life priorities. Arguing that never-married women are able to illuminate their society's broader social-cultural values, Lamb offers a new and startling look at prevailing systems of gender, sexuality, kinship, freedom, and social belonging in India today.
Today, the majority of the world's population lives in a country with falling marriage rates, a phenomenon with profound impacts on women, gender, and sexuality. In this exceptionally crafted ethnography, Sarah Lamb probes the gendered trend of single women living in India, examining what makes living outside marriage for women increasingly possible and yet incredibly challenging. Featuring the stories of never-married women as young as 35 and as old as 92, the book offers a remarkable portrait of a way of life experienced by women across class and caste divides, from urban professionals and rural day laborers, to those who identify as heterosexual and lesbian, to others who evaded marriage both by choice and by circumstance. For women in India, complex social-cultural and political-economic contexts are foundational to their lives and decisions, and evading marriage is often an unintended consequence of other pressing life priorities. Arguing that never-married women are able to illuminate their society's broader social-cultural values, Lamb offers a new and startling look at prevailing systems of gender, sexuality, kinship, freedom, and social belonging in India today.
- GenresAnthropology
238 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 14, 2022
14 people are currently reading
101 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
July 11, 2022
As a researcher, I applaud the efforts put in by the author Sarah Lamb to carry out this ethnographic study. Well, I can understand and feel the words that mark the end of the book, in the acknowledgment as the author mentions, "I am almost disappointed to see the process come to an end, as the project has enriched my life immensely for the past seven years, and even sustained me emotionally and intellectually during the long pandemic days." I also wish to undertake a project that enriches my life and intellectually stimulates me. As a 20-something single woman pursuing a Ph.D., this book addresses my curiosity about what it is like for a woman to be single in India. It not only speaks of the gloom and doom but also reflects on the bright side of women's ability to experience life as it is without having to comply with societal norms. As a woman, the stories have powerfully spoken to me and that is the result of the immense focus and efforts that go behind carrying out ethnographic research and penning it down in the form of stories. Growing up, a girl dreams of marriage and is only aware of what one witnesses at home, restricting one's decision to choose marriage when the right age comes. This book offers an insightful perspective on plan B, a choice that an independent woman can partake in by choosing to not get married. In my interaction with women in my peer group who are in their early 20s, it is evident that everyone wishes to get married because it is expected of them. And the fear of not finding a suitable match doesn't just go away with the emergence of dating apps and a more progressive upbringing. It has often made me question the gender roles assigned by society but now it also makes me wonder about the cultural ties associated with the institution of marriage. The author has briefly but powerfully emphasized the childbearing expectations attached to women and the consequences of opting for non-traditional methods. The stories of Nita from Meghe Dhaka Tara and Suravi bring tears to my eyes, as I can almost feel the narratives as being of my own, and I am sure every other woman will concur. I wish the book reaches the reading shelf of men and women who wishes to understand the fallacy of societal well-functioning, and aims to partake in the process of change, one thought at a time. I wish this book opens a door to see beyond the Pierre Bourdieu termed “Doxa”—“the world of tradition experienced as a ‘natural world’ and taken for granted”.
January 8, 2024
While already being aware of the biases and difficulties faced by women, data and personal accounts of women gives a whole new perspective to it. This academic work by Sarah Lamb documents the lives of a few single women in Bengal and their life experiences. It gives an insight into the expectations and limitations that are imposed on women and that they have to live with it all their lives. Financial independence is one critical facet that aids women in breaking some of these societal barriers but the road to independence is long and bumpy!
February 18, 2024
Utrolig bra og viktig bok!!
Oppsummering: å være singel i India for kvinner er helt jævelig. Ikke gjør det. Eller bare ikke vær kvinne i India generelt…
Oppsummering: å være singel i India for kvinner er helt jævelig. Ikke gjør det. Eller bare ikke vær kvinne i India generelt…
February 16, 2025
3.5 Stars
Super accessible and comprehensive for research, but it lacks style and could ground observations in more than interviews.
Super accessible and comprehensive for research, but it lacks style and could ground observations in more than interviews.
September 30, 2023
As the author isn't Indian, the narrative tone lacks empathy. I was expecting the book to be about the entirety of India, but it's only focused on West Bengal. It's a bummer that the most famous single Bengali mom, Sushmita Sen, isn't mentioned.
If you're looking for a light-hearted book on the topic for a quick overview, you might want to read this.
If you're looking for a light-hearted book on the topic for a quick overview, you might want to read this.
October 2, 2024
I would really give it 3.5 stars and simply because I wish she engaged w her theory more—really nice writing tbh but I just wanted a little bit more from the theoretical groundwork she set up so nicely in her intro and then didn’t really apply throughout the rest. Still, nice prose, interesting concept, etc etc
April 26, 2023
Really enjoyed this, particularly in the deconstruction of "choice" and critique of marriage as dominant institution (and honestly just loved all the snippets of Kolkata in the book).
June 4, 2024
Iam a Batchelor, divorced almost a decade ago and quite lonely.
So I was very confused about my future. What will I do? Who will take care of me, etc., I have been in circumstances when I was not addmited to hospital because I did not have any relatives, when I was living away from my parents. All these confusions lead me to search for a book which gives a solution to my problems. So I was searching for a book for single men. Somehow I got a suggesttion for this book. It is really life changing.
Though the book is the collected stories of 54 single women living in West Bengal, India, there are lot of advice for single men which is true for men also. Though I do have some disagreements with some of the concepts of the book like support for LGBTQ (same sex couples), who happen to be a small minority of the 54 women, I do agree with most of the concepts in the book.
The author has interviewed single women from all walks of life(rich and poor) and from different castes. The main reasons for being single are 1) only person in the family to support the family, 2) Being dark coloured or short or having some facial abnormalities, 3)Being physically challenged, 4) As a choice to remain single, 5)being lesbian(4 people of the 54), 6)Left single after being cheated by a man. 7)For spiritual reasons.
The story of these women are a solution in their own. Some dedicate their life to their family. They dedicate their lives for the marriage of their sistter, support their parents etc., Some women educate and uplift themselves so that they can stand on their own leg and dedicate themselves for their carrier. Some women are so rich that they live a lavish lifesttyle and have boy friends out of marriage.
To go into more detail will take a long essay, but if you are single you can use the following tips these single women use:
Enjoying delicious foods
Focusing on one’s own self, health, and body—such as by exercising (daily walking, yoga, calisthenics),
Growing flowers and vegetables in balcony pots or in the ground
Going out to plays and movies (by oneself or with friends)
Reading for pleasure Pursuing meaningful activities, like important social justice projects
and a fulfilling career
Learning to enjoy one’s own company
Developing positive attitudes, such as
accepting one’s singleness and life as it is.
Some women chose In vitro fertilization to have a child without partner. So are single mothers. What the book emphasizes is the enormous amout of hardships the society is giving to single people and isolate them and illtreate single people.
The wonderful thing about the book is, it gives various possibilities, like making a savings for old age, getting enrolled into a oldage home, or if cannot afford either, then stay with your natal kin. As a Christian, I cannot accept sex outside marriage or same sex marriages, but appart from that this is a life changing book.
So I was very confused about my future. What will I do? Who will take care of me, etc., I have been in circumstances when I was not addmited to hospital because I did not have any relatives, when I was living away from my parents. All these confusions lead me to search for a book which gives a solution to my problems. So I was searching for a book for single men. Somehow I got a suggesttion for this book. It is really life changing.
Though the book is the collected stories of 54 single women living in West Bengal, India, there are lot of advice for single men which is true for men also. Though I do have some disagreements with some of the concepts of the book like support for LGBTQ (same sex couples), who happen to be a small minority of the 54 women, I do agree with most of the concepts in the book.
The author has interviewed single women from all walks of life(rich and poor) and from different castes. The main reasons for being single are 1) only person in the family to support the family, 2) Being dark coloured or short or having some facial abnormalities, 3)Being physically challenged, 4) As a choice to remain single, 5)being lesbian(4 people of the 54), 6)Left single after being cheated by a man. 7)For spiritual reasons.
The story of these women are a solution in their own. Some dedicate their life to their family. They dedicate their lives for the marriage of their sistter, support their parents etc., Some women educate and uplift themselves so that they can stand on their own leg and dedicate themselves for their carrier. Some women are so rich that they live a lavish lifesttyle and have boy friends out of marriage.
To go into more detail will take a long essay, but if you are single you can use the following tips these single women use:
Enjoying delicious foods
Focusing on one’s own self, health, and body—such as by exercising (daily walking, yoga, calisthenics),
Growing flowers and vegetables in balcony pots or in the ground
Going out to plays and movies (by oneself or with friends)
Reading for pleasure Pursuing meaningful activities, like important social justice projects
and a fulfilling career
Learning to enjoy one’s own company
Developing positive attitudes, such as
accepting one’s singleness and life as it is.
Some women chose In vitro fertilization to have a child without partner. So are single mothers. What the book emphasizes is the enormous amout of hardships the society is giving to single people and isolate them and illtreate single people.
The wonderful thing about the book is, it gives various possibilities, like making a savings for old age, getting enrolled into a oldage home, or if cannot afford either, then stay with your natal kin. As a Christian, I cannot accept sex outside marriage or same sex marriages, but appart from that this is a life changing book.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews