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ADHD Effects on Relationships:
understanding & loving your partner with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, defusing conflicts and misunderstandings
176 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 12, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
March 29, 2023
Possibly the first ADHD book on relationships that actually tells you what to do when problems arise. I will be purchasing this book and highlighting.
April 6, 2026
This book was just okay, but I'm not sure I would really recommend it or that I would say I got anything out of it beyond what you would get out of a quick Google search about what to look out for in ADHD affected relationships. One thing that stood out to me was the fact that it was all written as advice, but the author sometimes had oddly specific examples that left me confused as to her point. Another big red flag for me was that no studies, no scientific research, and no personal credentials of the author were mentioned. I'm not saying I disagreed with what she said - and most of it was fairly standard - but I was definitely left wondering why I should care about her opinions at all, and how she came upon some of the assertions she made.
We've discovered in the past few years that it's probable my husband has ADHD, and my counselor has mentioned that she believes I have ADD even though she can't diagnose me directly. That is to say, maybe I'm not exactly the target audience for this book. however, given the rise of ADHD diagnoses and other neurodivergences that people are aware of within themselves, it almost feels weird to read a book targeted towards someone so wholly outside of that.
I learned a few things from this - like that ADHD people often grew up feeling misunderstood or being told to try harder, that ADHD spouses are more likely to cheat or decelop addictions to porn, alcohol, or drugs. But most of what she said was essentially "be patient with them and remember they are dealing with a lot, even if it doesn't look like it to you." I don't disagree exactly, but I will say her repeated wording "ADHD victims" was annoying, and ended up making me irritated enough that I saw some of her excuses later in the book especially as rather shallow. She says a few times that ADHD people are just people with ADHD, but the way she writes seems more like she thinks they are a special class of people we should all be careful with and who deserve special concessions...and as someone who likely has ADD and whose friends and loved ones are mostly diagnosed ADHDers...I don't really agree. ADHDers are just as capable as anyone else even if it's a different "flavor" sometimes, and are not nearly as confused and helpless to change as I feel this author makes it seem.
Over all, I think this is skippable, even if it's not offensively bad. If you want casual advice, ask a friend or counselor, check out Reddit, ask Gemini, or join a Facebook group or something. If you want science-backed facts about ADHD relationships or the effects on the brain or processing, then a more science-based book is your best bet.
We've discovered in the past few years that it's probable my husband has ADHD, and my counselor has mentioned that she believes I have ADD even though she can't diagnose me directly. That is to say, maybe I'm not exactly the target audience for this book. however, given the rise of ADHD diagnoses and other neurodivergences that people are aware of within themselves, it almost feels weird to read a book targeted towards someone so wholly outside of that.
I learned a few things from this - like that ADHD people often grew up feeling misunderstood or being told to try harder, that ADHD spouses are more likely to cheat or decelop addictions to porn, alcohol, or drugs. But most of what she said was essentially "be patient with them and remember they are dealing with a lot, even if it doesn't look like it to you." I don't disagree exactly, but I will say her repeated wording "ADHD victims" was annoying, and ended up making me irritated enough that I saw some of her excuses later in the book especially as rather shallow. She says a few times that ADHD people are just people with ADHD, but the way she writes seems more like she thinks they are a special class of people we should all be careful with and who deserve special concessions...and as someone who likely has ADD and whose friends and loved ones are mostly diagnosed ADHDers...I don't really agree. ADHDers are just as capable as anyone else even if it's a different "flavor" sometimes, and are not nearly as confused and helpless to change as I feel this author makes it seem.
Over all, I think this is skippable, even if it's not offensively bad. If you want casual advice, ask a friend or counselor, check out Reddit, ask Gemini, or join a Facebook group or something. If you want science-backed facts about ADHD relationships or the effects on the brain or processing, then a more science-based book is your best bet.
September 16, 2025
I picked up this book really wanting some helpful and practical advice for being there for my partner with ADHD. I finished the book feeling a lot better about our relationship, but with a slightly bad taste in my mouth with how this book explores some topics with ADHD.
First of all, there is a lot of really GOOD practical advice for helping your partner, with identifying negative traits in your relationship and overcoming it in a way where you feel more equal. It also helped me immensely with empathising with my partner's ADHD, understanding the things he cannot control.
But, I still have some major issues with this book. First of all, I felt that people with ADHD were hugely infantilised during the whole book, being referred to as 'victims' or 'sufferers' throughout. Also, the focus on how ADHD can effect sex and intimacy, being focused on how people with ADHD are apparently prone to cheating, I felt wasn't helpful. My biggest issue with the whole book though was the focus on heterosexual dynamics - putting people with ADHD in boxes based on their gender, and then defining how their relationships will work based on that. I am gay, and me and my partner are both men, and because of that, a lot of advice in the book felt alienating because of the constant focus of gender and gender roles. Only one sentence in the whole book referred to potential homosexual relationships with ADHD partners, and even that gave a misinformed opinion on how our relationships work.
Overall, I do think this book is helpful, and I will be using it in the future to help inform myself with techniques to help my partner and help our relationship. But, I hope my comments help people think more about their choice of language when it comes to books about people and relationships - because not every relationship is between a traditional man and a woman.
First of all, there is a lot of really GOOD practical advice for helping your partner, with identifying negative traits in your relationship and overcoming it in a way where you feel more equal. It also helped me immensely with empathising with my partner's ADHD, understanding the things he cannot control.
But, I still have some major issues with this book. First of all, I felt that people with ADHD were hugely infantilised during the whole book, being referred to as 'victims' or 'sufferers' throughout. Also, the focus on how ADHD can effect sex and intimacy, being focused on how people with ADHD are apparently prone to cheating, I felt wasn't helpful. My biggest issue with the whole book though was the focus on heterosexual dynamics - putting people with ADHD in boxes based on their gender, and then defining how their relationships will work based on that. I am gay, and me and my partner are both men, and because of that, a lot of advice in the book felt alienating because of the constant focus of gender and gender roles. Only one sentence in the whole book referred to potential homosexual relationships with ADHD partners, and even that gave a misinformed opinion on how our relationships work.
Overall, I do think this book is helpful, and I will be using it in the future to help inform myself with techniques to help my partner and help our relationship. But, I hope my comments help people think more about their choice of language when it comes to books about people and relationships - because not every relationship is between a traditional man and a woman.
April 3, 2026
This was difficult seeing the parts of wanting to change and the change never happening. I know it was aimed towards the partner rather than the person with the condition which accounts for some of this, but there were still so many parts of feeling seen and understood realising it’s not a singular thing. However the idea that this diagnosis shields wrongdoing doesn’t seem right either, and struggled with that throughout. I dont feel the need for a woe is me poor me with adhd book. It’s one thing to recognise symptoms and traits but it’s another to work on tools and strengths. People with adhd don’t need to feel worse about themselves, was hoping for more actionable tools.
The use of examples throughout was helpful but I felt I understood these more than with real tools. Maybe one to come back to after some processing time.
The use of examples throughout was helpful but I felt I understood these more than with real tools. Maybe one to come back to after some processing time.
October 23, 2024
I appreciate what the author is doing. I’m not sure where her anecdotes in the book come from, but I did not find them relatable. They seemed totally random versus broader experiences.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews