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Defying Jihad: The Dramatic True Story of a Woman Who Volunteered to Kill Infidels—and Then Faced Death for Becoming One
If you truly love Allah, you will die for him.
Your death will mean much reward for you and your family in heaven.
Only death will prove your love.
It was the final test. A chance to win not only the love of Allah, but the love of her father—something she had never been able to earn. Esther took a deep breath and raised her hand in the air. At the age of eighteen, she had just volunteered to become a suicide bomber.
Defying Jihad is the true story of a girl growing up under radical Islamic rule, trained to believe her ultimate purpose was to serve Allah by dying as a jihadist. But two nights before she was to leave forever, she had a dream . . . one that would change the course of her destiny.
Against all odds, Esther became a follower of Jesus—even though leaving Islam meant her death sentence. But rather than kill her immediately, Esther’s furious father challenged her to a series of public debates with Muslim scholars: the Bible versus the Quran. If Esther won, she might yet survive. But if the Muslim clerics won, Esther must renounce her Christian faith. For an entire month—if she lived that long—Esther would be brought before the mob daily to defend her newfound faith. Would God give her the words to argue against Muslim leaders, former friends, and even her own family?
Defying Jihad is an amazing story of a woman prepared to surrender all for Jesus—and whose life transformed from terror to overwhelming love.
Your death will mean much reward for you and your family in heaven.
Only death will prove your love.
It was the final test. A chance to win not only the love of Allah, but the love of her father—something she had never been able to earn. Esther took a deep breath and raised her hand in the air. At the age of eighteen, she had just volunteered to become a suicide bomber.
Defying Jihad is the true story of a girl growing up under radical Islamic rule, trained to believe her ultimate purpose was to serve Allah by dying as a jihadist. But two nights before she was to leave forever, she had a dream . . . one that would change the course of her destiny.
Against all odds, Esther became a follower of Jesus—even though leaving Islam meant her death sentence. But rather than kill her immediately, Esther’s furious father challenged her to a series of public debates with Muslim scholars: the Bible versus the Quran. If Esther won, she might yet survive. But if the Muslim clerics won, Esther must renounce her Christian faith. For an entire month—if she lived that long—Esther would be brought before the mob daily to defend her newfound faith. Would God give her the words to argue against Muslim leaders, former friends, and even her own family?
Defying Jihad is an amazing story of a woman prepared to surrender all for Jesus—and whose life transformed from terror to overwhelming love.
9 pages, Audiobook
First published June 4, 2019
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July 8, 2019
There are so many things I could say about Defying Jihad. I finished it just yesterday, and I’m still pondering over so much of it. This book has challenged me deeply, and also encouraged me. Esther’s story is one of intense sorrow, but also one of extreme hope. She knows the One she speaks of in a deep way, and her heart for encouraging others with her story shines from the pages.
Growing up in a Muslim home, Esther always had a heart for doing the right thing and getting recognition for it. Since her father rejected her at birth for being a girl, she always felt like she had to work extra hard to gain his approval. She also needed to gain Allah’s approval—and perhaps help to protect her own family somehow. She was a sincere girl, and when something came to shake her world, she didn’t know where to turn.
One of my most favorite things about this book is the fact that Esther is giving a voice to many of her fellow Pakistani believers, the ones that could never speak up because they would be in danger. Perhaps she, too, is in danger because of her story as well; I don’t know. However the case stands, she is sharing a story that I haven’t heard often, but one that I know is becoming more and more common in the world today: The one of turning from a life of darkness in Islam to the light of Christ. Seeing that journey is precious.
And, of course, my second favorite thing about this book is just how the Lord worked in her life to bring her to be His child. She was in such a dark, dark place and He reached down to help her in a special way. The journey after that, of course, has not been easy as she had to live the life of a secret believer and eventually flee because she would have been killed otherwise. But God was faithful, and helped her and her husband with each need.
In all, this was a great book. Highly recommended if you are interested in hearing a little about what God is doing in the Muslim world, want encouragement in your own faith, or want to live for the Lord even more.
(There are a few scenes that younger people shouldn’t read—she is threatened with death at different places, beaten others, and several people are mentioned as dying different ways. It’s still pretty clean, but with the subject matter, some of this is inevitable. I appreciated the way it was all handled.)
I requested a free advanced reader copy of this book from NetGalley, and this is my honest opinion of it.
Growing up in a Muslim home, Esther always had a heart for doing the right thing and getting recognition for it. Since her father rejected her at birth for being a girl, she always felt like she had to work extra hard to gain his approval. She also needed to gain Allah’s approval—and perhaps help to protect her own family somehow. She was a sincere girl, and when something came to shake her world, she didn’t know where to turn.
One of my most favorite things about this book is the fact that Esther is giving a voice to many of her fellow Pakistani believers, the ones that could never speak up because they would be in danger. Perhaps she, too, is in danger because of her story as well; I don’t know. However the case stands, she is sharing a story that I haven’t heard often, but one that I know is becoming more and more common in the world today: The one of turning from a life of darkness in Islam to the light of Christ. Seeing that journey is precious.
And, of course, my second favorite thing about this book is just how the Lord worked in her life to bring her to be His child. She was in such a dark, dark place and He reached down to help her in a special way. The journey after that, of course, has not been easy as she had to live the life of a secret believer and eventually flee because she would have been killed otherwise. But God was faithful, and helped her and her husband with each need.
In all, this was a great book. Highly recommended if you are interested in hearing a little about what God is doing in the Muslim world, want encouragement in your own faith, or want to live for the Lord even more.
(There are a few scenes that younger people shouldn’t read—she is threatened with death at different places, beaten others, and several people are mentioned as dying different ways. It’s still pretty clean, but with the subject matter, some of this is inevitable. I appreciated the way it was all handled.)
I requested a free advanced reader copy of this book from NetGalley, and this is my honest opinion of it.
September 28, 2019
I heard Esther share her testimony in an interview with Janet Parshall on Moody Radio. I knew then I wanted to read the book.
I had heard of Muslims having dreams of Jesus, but I never heard it directly from a former Muslim. Esther is a miracle. The story of her conversion as well as her escape are remarkable and huge faith builders. God is alive, very active, and working in and among us. The brave faith of Christians living in Muslim nations amazed me.
Esther also helped me understand the mindset of a radical Muslim, the fear of damnation, and the reason jihad is so enticing to them and their families. Rather than hate, her book filled my heart with compassion for those trapped in the fear and hatred of radical Islam.
Her book renewed my love for Jesus Christ, my commitment to him and his Word, the Bible, and my desire to live wholly for Christ.
I had heard of Muslims having dreams of Jesus, but I never heard it directly from a former Muslim. Esther is a miracle. The story of her conversion as well as her escape are remarkable and huge faith builders. God is alive, very active, and working in and among us. The brave faith of Christians living in Muslim nations amazed me.
Esther also helped me understand the mindset of a radical Muslim, the fear of damnation, and the reason jihad is so enticing to them and their families. Rather than hate, her book filled my heart with compassion for those trapped in the fear and hatred of radical Islam.
Her book renewed my love for Jesus Christ, my commitment to him and his Word, the Bible, and my desire to live wholly for Christ.
February 5, 2025
This is an inspiring and encouraging story of a young Muslim woman’s conversion to Christianity. I’ve read a few stories like this, but each one gives me a new perspective, and I always learn something new. Esther goes from being devoted to Allah and volunteering to become a suicide bomber to becoming a follower of Jesus. She stands up against her own family, upbringing, and all she once believed. Through her story, you see her unwavering faith in Christ blossom, her bravery, and her boldly standing firm for Jesus.
I liked how she gave insight into her upbringing and her belief system before discovering Christianity. I found the public debates of the Bible verses the Quran to be incredibly interesting, seeing insight into both sides and how Esther handled herself while standing firm in God’s grace. Although this book is harder to read at times, I was inspired by Esther’s strength, courage, and boldness throughout her story!
If you enjoy memoirs, inspiring stories, or the book Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus, I highly recommend reading this book✨
Thank you Blessing from @naptimereaders this wonderful book rec💕
Content considerations: persecution, abuse (including some by a family member), discussion of suicide bombers, message me for more details
I liked how she gave insight into her upbringing and her belief system before discovering Christianity. I found the public debates of the Bible verses the Quran to be incredibly interesting, seeing insight into both sides and how Esther handled herself while standing firm in God’s grace. Although this book is harder to read at times, I was inspired by Esther’s strength, courage, and boldness throughout her story!
If you enjoy memoirs, inspiring stories, or the book Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus, I highly recommend reading this book✨
Thank you Blessing from @naptimereaders this wonderful book rec💕
Content considerations: persecution, abuse (including some by a family member), discussion of suicide bombers, message me for more details
April 15, 2021
This is an inspiring, uplifting story of Christian conversion in a dangerous situation. I realize that this could be a sensitive title for some, but let me suggest that it be seen more as an opportunity for greater understanding...and hopefully more grace.
Highly recommended. Enjoy.
Highly recommended. Enjoy.
March 23, 2020
I found this book by chance on Christianbook.com while helping my dad hunt for more Christian biographies—conversion stories, to be specific. I was scrolling through an endless list of titles when I saw this one, and it’s tagline, “the dramatic true story of a woman who volunteered to kill infidels—and then faced death for becoming one.” The back cover blurb for Defying Jihad was so captivating—just as the book turned out to be.
Esther Ahmad was born in Pakistan, to a Muslim family that turned more and more extremist during her growing up years. She was the most devout child in her family, and at the age of eighteen, she volunteered herself for jihad—to kill infidels, as the front cover explains. But two days before she was to leave for training, she had a dream about a man made of light who said, “come and follow me”. Defying Jihad brings us through the inner turmoil, the harsh persecution, and the life changing hardships that followed Esther, chronicling her journey from radical Islam to faith in Jesus in a beautiful personal narrative.
This book sucked me in from sentence one. One thing that I appreciate very much is how it was written. It’s personal. It’s first person, past tense. It feels like everything is happening right now, in front of me. It flows like a story, even though it’s real life. The book is constructed and narrated beautifully and the story line is very easy to follow. Furthermore, the point of view allows the reader this rare and honest glimpse into a different country, culture, and religion—a different world, in fact.
Story wise, this is actually the first thing that struck me. Though I have read other books about Muslims—even those from the Middle East—none have brought me so close to the actual experience as this book. As the narrator, Esther doesn’t explain much. Rather, she just allows us to see everything for ourselves through her eyes and her story. That’s the beauty of this book, I think—that there’s so much information and so much we can learn, but all is packed into a single, gripping story. It is eye opening, to say the least. This is what pulled me through the first part of the book, as did Esther’s internal conflict. People say that internal conflict is integral to grabbing a reader’s attention in fiction, and apparently it is true for nonfiction as well.
The second thing that riveted me is Esther’s conversion story. It was a miracle. Though her contact with Christians was so rare, and her knowledge of Christianity so small, God orchestrated everything to perfection. Her dream, her “chance” meetings, her questioning and rational thinking. On the one hand I wanted to stop and cry over what God was doing, and on the other hand I just had to keep reading because watching her search, study, and struggle with the truth was so gripping.
Part three of the book is perhaps the most action packed and exciting. It was merely a matter of time before Esther’s family found out about her new faith, and what followed was painful, thrilling, and victorious. First with her mother, and then with her father, she faced intense opposition and persecution. In an effort to convert Esther back to Islam, her father arranged a series of public debates, where she had to defend her faith and the Bible against the Qur'an and various Islamic teachers. This was delicious to read—perhaps I even enjoyed it too much. There was conflict, there was danger, there was this overarching sense of tension and imminent disaster—but also this feeling of victory as she put her trust in God, and indeed, He guided her with words and courage.
Finally, and perhaps most surprisingly, I was blown away by her marriage story. In fact, it amazed me more than any other part of the book. It was one thing I was not expecting to read about, even though I caught a tiny hint of it at the beginning. However, a Pakistani girl—especially one hated by her father—cannot go very far without a husband, and I am still astounded by how God had taken care of this matter long before it confronted Esther. And this is the theme of the fourth part—how God continued to care and provide for her in the following years, up until the present.
Through beautiful writing and storytelling, Defying Jihad encourages and inspires its readers with an amazing true story of God’s power, protection, and provision. This book is an exciting and fascinating read, full of things to learn from if one takes the time to think about it.
5/5 stars. I recommend this book for everyone above twelve, especially for Christians looking to read an inspiring and miraculous testimony.
Esther Ahmad was born in Pakistan, to a Muslim family that turned more and more extremist during her growing up years. She was the most devout child in her family, and at the age of eighteen, she volunteered herself for jihad—to kill infidels, as the front cover explains. But two days before she was to leave for training, she had a dream about a man made of light who said, “come and follow me”. Defying Jihad brings us through the inner turmoil, the harsh persecution, and the life changing hardships that followed Esther, chronicling her journey from radical Islam to faith in Jesus in a beautiful personal narrative.
This book sucked me in from sentence one. One thing that I appreciate very much is how it was written. It’s personal. It’s first person, past tense. It feels like everything is happening right now, in front of me. It flows like a story, even though it’s real life. The book is constructed and narrated beautifully and the story line is very easy to follow. Furthermore, the point of view allows the reader this rare and honest glimpse into a different country, culture, and religion—a different world, in fact.
Story wise, this is actually the first thing that struck me. Though I have read other books about Muslims—even those from the Middle East—none have brought me so close to the actual experience as this book. As the narrator, Esther doesn’t explain much. Rather, she just allows us to see everything for ourselves through her eyes and her story. That’s the beauty of this book, I think—that there’s so much information and so much we can learn, but all is packed into a single, gripping story. It is eye opening, to say the least. This is what pulled me through the first part of the book, as did Esther’s internal conflict. People say that internal conflict is integral to grabbing a reader’s attention in fiction, and apparently it is true for nonfiction as well.
The second thing that riveted me is Esther’s conversion story. It was a miracle. Though her contact with Christians was so rare, and her knowledge of Christianity so small, God orchestrated everything to perfection. Her dream, her “chance” meetings, her questioning and rational thinking. On the one hand I wanted to stop and cry over what God was doing, and on the other hand I just had to keep reading because watching her search, study, and struggle with the truth was so gripping.
Part three of the book is perhaps the most action packed and exciting. It was merely a matter of time before Esther’s family found out about her new faith, and what followed was painful, thrilling, and victorious. First with her mother, and then with her father, she faced intense opposition and persecution. In an effort to convert Esther back to Islam, her father arranged a series of public debates, where she had to defend her faith and the Bible against the Qur'an and various Islamic teachers. This was delicious to read—perhaps I even enjoyed it too much. There was conflict, there was danger, there was this overarching sense of tension and imminent disaster—but also this feeling of victory as she put her trust in God, and indeed, He guided her with words and courage.
Finally, and perhaps most surprisingly, I was blown away by her marriage story. In fact, it amazed me more than any other part of the book. It was one thing I was not expecting to read about, even though I caught a tiny hint of it at the beginning. However, a Pakistani girl—especially one hated by her father—cannot go very far without a husband, and I am still astounded by how God had taken care of this matter long before it confronted Esther. And this is the theme of the fourth part—how God continued to care and provide for her in the following years, up until the present.
Through beautiful writing and storytelling, Defying Jihad encourages and inspires its readers with an amazing true story of God’s power, protection, and provision. This book is an exciting and fascinating read, full of things to learn from if one takes the time to think about it.
5/5 stars. I recommend this book for everyone above twelve, especially for Christians looking to read an inspiring and miraculous testimony.
January 8, 2021
This was an incredible memoir. It was so heartbreaking to read the struggles, pains and the journey Esther faced while being a Christian in a Muslim country. Many believers are persecuted for their faith and it is powerful to see the journey of these people, who aren’t afraid to defend their beliefs and why they hold strong and firm in what they have learnt.
I was truly inspired by Esther’s transformation, and the way she questioned and questioned until she found the answers to all her doubts and misconception. I was inspired by the way she spoke so proudly and with such wisdom and passion. I was inspired by the way she handled many of the debates that were thrown at her to try and shake her faith, she held firm in God’s Grace and it was remarkable to see a young woman defending and talking about religion against highly educated scholars.
Her journey is one of many different stories out there, and I am so glad I managed to find and read this precious gem. I was so invested into this story that when it ended I didn’t even see it coming! I wanted it to continue, I wanted to see what happened next! I just hope in the next stage of her life, she will continue to tell her story about what happens to her and her family.
Truly an inspiring story and I am blessed to have read the encounters she went through and be inspired by her remarkable tale. Thank you.
I was truly inspired by Esther’s transformation, and the way she questioned and questioned until she found the answers to all her doubts and misconception. I was inspired by the way she spoke so proudly and with such wisdom and passion. I was inspired by the way she handled many of the debates that were thrown at her to try and shake her faith, she held firm in God’s Grace and it was remarkable to see a young woman defending and talking about religion against highly educated scholars.
Her journey is one of many different stories out there, and I am so glad I managed to find and read this precious gem. I was so invested into this story that when it ended I didn’t even see it coming! I wanted it to continue, I wanted to see what happened next! I just hope in the next stage of her life, she will continue to tell her story about what happens to her and her family.
Truly an inspiring story and I am blessed to have read the encounters she went through and be inspired by her remarkable tale. Thank you.
October 12, 2021
I find so much encouragement learning about a Muslims conversion to Christianity. Another great read!
January 8, 2022
This is just another piece of proselytizing literature dressed up as a book with a very catchy title.
If you are looking (like me) to understand how normal people get radicalised and become terrorists, this book doesn’t give us enough insights. The author does explain how her family was previously not radical and later was radicalised, she doesn’t explain the reasons or the process. She attributes everything thing to the belief that one will gets lots rewards in heaven, but later she debunks this belief, so to me it looks like all her explanations was simply to discredit Islam and proselytise re Christianity rather than a true account of the reasons and the process.
I find it hard to believe that after conversion to Christianity, her (Jihadist) parents conducts public debates between her and several clerics on religion rather than just killing her straight away. I also find it hard to believe that none of the clerics are successful in defeating her in an argument.
In summary, this is just another piece of proselytizing literature dressed up as a book with a very catchy title.
If you are looking (like me) to understand how normal people get radicalised and become terrorists, this book doesn’t give us enough insights. The author does explain how her family was previously not radical and later was radicalised, she doesn’t explain the reasons or the process. She attributes everything thing to the belief that one will gets lots rewards in heaven, but later she debunks this belief, so to me it looks like all her explanations was simply to discredit Islam and proselytise re Christianity rather than a true account of the reasons and the process.
I find it hard to believe that after conversion to Christianity, her (Jihadist) parents conducts public debates between her and several clerics on religion rather than just killing her straight away. I also find it hard to believe that none of the clerics are successful in defeating her in an argument.
In summary, this is just another piece of proselytizing literature dressed up as a book with a very catchy title.
May 1, 2023
One of my fav memoirs of 2022. A shocking inside view of religious extremism. She first saw Jesus in a dream and had no idea who he was or what his words meant. Seeing all of the details come together for her to make a radical change of worldview and belief is a story that will never leave me. Definitely give this book a read!!
October 29, 2020
Holier than thou religious fanatic who says all that she needs to do is pray for something and miracles happen, cancer and type 1 diabetes are cured, money magically appears in her hand, and God speaks directly to her...... changes from being an extremist Muslim (she even volunteers to strap herself to a bomb to kill Christians) to an extremist Christian (the kind who constantly proselytizes, lectures, and debates others, and quotes the Bible and the Quran almost non-stop).
The story of a woman in Pakistan during these time would have been exceptional had it been written by someone else…but it was written by Ester…instead of telling her story and life of women in Pakistan and how she left, Ester spends the vast majority of the book telling her view of salvation and quoting scripture... and whining.
You do get some insight into life in Pakistan in the very first part of the book, so I gave the book 2 stars instead of one. UPDATE. I started this review before I finished the book....and the last section was so obnoxious and Ester was so unlikable that it brought the book to the lowest rating I could give. In the last section of the book it felt as if Ester started every sentence with something like..."God in all that is good and holy..." OR she was complaining about how hard her life is. Her life is difficult because she is telling everyone in another Muslim country (Malaysia) that she is Christian and their religion is wrong. In this section Ester is so bitter and sanctimonious she is the antithesis of what God and religion should be about.
----spoilers - The following is an overview of the STORY - although most of this would be on the back cover of the book.
Ester grew up in Pakistan to a religious and relatively wealthy family. She was the third daughter, and her father was so upset at yet another daughter that he refused to see her and then was basically a stranger. Everyone in town knows this and they bring it up whenever they see Ester.
As Ester grows up, Ester and her family became even more extremist Muslims and as this transition happens her father started beating her mother (so badly that she was taken to the hospital) to take control of the family per the Muslim teaching (Ester's words and opinion).
Ester, unlike her other sisters, was able to go to school and not to marry as soon as she is old enough to have a child (12 to 13 years old or so). She mostly did this because she was such a devout Muslim and does a good job preaching to other Muslims. You hear the preaching in detail in the book too.. Ester takes great pride in showing the extent of religious works she has memorized and you will hear it all in the book...
While at school, Ester is further indoctrinated into an extremist Muslim faction. She gives her jewelry to the religious war so more bombs and weapons could be purchased. She gave a dress she had worked on for some time (but her mother would not let her wear because of religious reasons) to a poor girl in school and was shocked that the Muslim faith did not make an even better dress reappear in her closet.
Ester finally gets (somewhat) noticed and praised by her father for her religious devotion and goes off the deep end doing more in a desperate attempt for her father to notice her. Ester revels in showing what a great Muslim she is…. giving more...praying more and longer, memorizing and citing passages of the Quran to others.
One by one, Ester’s uncle, cousin, and aunt join the Jihad and kill themselves. To help save her father and herself (soul wise) Ester raises her hand to also join the Jihad. She is told she will be taught how to choose a location where there are a lot of Christians, strap a bomb onto herself and activate it, killing herself and those around her. Ester is told to go home and wait her turn. She will be called in with the next group and once she leaves for ‘training’ she will never return to her family. Note this key information is only a few pages in the entire book. Wouldn't you like to know more? I would.
Ester starts doubting her decision to blow herself up, and then a vague figure appears to her in a dream calling her Ester (at this time, she still has her Muslim name) and saying a few vague words to her.
'Ester' finds John (a stranger who works in a lab), and he shows her a Bible verse with the name Ester in it and tells Ester it is his Christian God who has appeared to her. John then lets her visit the lab to read his Bible. She reads the Bible through twice and decides the Muslim faith is a lie and starts debating with Muslims showing she and her newly found Christian God is superior.
Now that she is Christian, the miracles denied to her while she was Muslim being to appear. Although there is a lot of praying and Ester shares these prayers with the reader...word for word.
One of the books 'miracles.' Throughout the book, Ester's mom is extremely ill (seems like cancer death bed stuff) and is refusing the operation the doctors want to give her because of religious reasons does not want men touching her. Mom says if she dies and men touch her last she will be impure and not go to heaven so she would rather die a long painful death then get help. However, Ester tells her about Jesus and then a bit later her mother collapses in extreme pain. Mom asks Ester to pray for her and once she does Mom is instantly cured. They rush to the hospital immediately after the prayers for proof... they are right mom is cured.
In Pakistan, being Christian is dangerous, so Ester preaching and being argumentative and thinking (and she thinks showing) that she is superior to the Muslims (especially older Muslim men) around her is putting her in danger. She leaves home, finds John, marries him, goes into hiding, and changes her name to Ester. She has a daughter (and her Christian husband feels girls are a blessing, unlike her Muslim father).
Ester’s family and community are still hunting for Ester (going around with pictures of her), so Ester pretends to be a backward country girl, gets a passport, and flees Pakistan with her husband and baby.
They are living in Malaysia and her child gets bug bites from sleeping on the floor. Ester prays and gets an entire household of furniture etc the next day given to her. Shortly after that Ester cures someone who has type 1 diabetes. Yet another 'Miracle' and one of many you hear about in this book.
The last part of the book is Ester proselytizing to anyone and anyone who she comes across which she writes out verbatim. Since Malaysia is a Muslim country the locals do not take kindly to her attacking their religion and trying to convert them. The rest of the book has little story, she is just complaining about how hard her life is...she even admits it in the book that her life is hard because of her own actions (insert tons of Bible verses and self-righteous pats on the back).
Ester is now in the USA. The UNHCR moved her and set her up here. She now makes her living writing books like this and preaching to others. It sounds like she spends the rest of her time accosting anyone who comes near her and seeing how many times she can say "God' or some derivative in a day.
The story of a woman in Pakistan during these time would have been exceptional had it been written by someone else…but it was written by Ester…instead of telling her story and life of women in Pakistan and how she left, Ester spends the vast majority of the book telling her view of salvation and quoting scripture... and whining.
You do get some insight into life in Pakistan in the very first part of the book, so I gave the book 2 stars instead of one. UPDATE. I started this review before I finished the book....and the last section was so obnoxious and Ester was so unlikable that it brought the book to the lowest rating I could give. In the last section of the book it felt as if Ester started every sentence with something like..."God in all that is good and holy..." OR she was complaining about how hard her life is. Her life is difficult because she is telling everyone in another Muslim country (Malaysia) that she is Christian and their religion is wrong. In this section Ester is so bitter and sanctimonious she is the antithesis of what God and religion should be about.
----spoilers - The following is an overview of the STORY - although most of this would be on the back cover of the book.
Ester grew up in Pakistan to a religious and relatively wealthy family. She was the third daughter, and her father was so upset at yet another daughter that he refused to see her and then was basically a stranger. Everyone in town knows this and they bring it up whenever they see Ester.
As Ester grows up, Ester and her family became even more extremist Muslims and as this transition happens her father started beating her mother (so badly that she was taken to the hospital) to take control of the family per the Muslim teaching (Ester's words and opinion).
Ester, unlike her other sisters, was able to go to school and not to marry as soon as she is old enough to have a child (12 to 13 years old or so). She mostly did this because she was such a devout Muslim and does a good job preaching to other Muslims. You hear the preaching in detail in the book too.. Ester takes great pride in showing the extent of religious works she has memorized and you will hear it all in the book...
While at school, Ester is further indoctrinated into an extremist Muslim faction. She gives her jewelry to the religious war so more bombs and weapons could be purchased. She gave a dress she had worked on for some time (but her mother would not let her wear because of religious reasons) to a poor girl in school and was shocked that the Muslim faith did not make an even better dress reappear in her closet.
Ester finally gets (somewhat) noticed and praised by her father for her religious devotion and goes off the deep end doing more in a desperate attempt for her father to notice her. Ester revels in showing what a great Muslim she is…. giving more...praying more and longer, memorizing and citing passages of the Quran to others.
One by one, Ester’s uncle, cousin, and aunt join the Jihad and kill themselves. To help save her father and herself (soul wise) Ester raises her hand to also join the Jihad. She is told she will be taught how to choose a location where there are a lot of Christians, strap a bomb onto herself and activate it, killing herself and those around her. Ester is told to go home and wait her turn. She will be called in with the next group and once she leaves for ‘training’ she will never return to her family. Note this key information is only a few pages in the entire book. Wouldn't you like to know more? I would.
Ester starts doubting her decision to blow herself up, and then a vague figure appears to her in a dream calling her Ester (at this time, she still has her Muslim name) and saying a few vague words to her.
'Ester' finds John (a stranger who works in a lab), and he shows her a Bible verse with the name Ester in it and tells Ester it is his Christian God who has appeared to her. John then lets her visit the lab to read his Bible. She reads the Bible through twice and decides the Muslim faith is a lie and starts debating with Muslims showing she and her newly found Christian God is superior.
Now that she is Christian, the miracles denied to her while she was Muslim being to appear. Although there is a lot of praying and Ester shares these prayers with the reader...word for word.
One of the books 'miracles.' Throughout the book, Ester's mom is extremely ill (seems like cancer death bed stuff) and is refusing the operation the doctors want to give her because of religious reasons does not want men touching her. Mom says if she dies and men touch her last she will be impure and not go to heaven so she would rather die a long painful death then get help. However, Ester tells her about Jesus and then a bit later her mother collapses in extreme pain. Mom asks Ester to pray for her and once she does Mom is instantly cured. They rush to the hospital immediately after the prayers for proof... they are right mom is cured.
In Pakistan, being Christian is dangerous, so Ester preaching and being argumentative and thinking (and she thinks showing) that she is superior to the Muslims (especially older Muslim men) around her is putting her in danger. She leaves home, finds John, marries him, goes into hiding, and changes her name to Ester. She has a daughter (and her Christian husband feels girls are a blessing, unlike her Muslim father).
Ester’s family and community are still hunting for Ester (going around with pictures of her), so Ester pretends to be a backward country girl, gets a passport, and flees Pakistan with her husband and baby.
They are living in Malaysia and her child gets bug bites from sleeping on the floor. Ester prays and gets an entire household of furniture etc the next day given to her. Shortly after that Ester cures someone who has type 1 diabetes. Yet another 'Miracle' and one of many you hear about in this book.
The last part of the book is Ester proselytizing to anyone and anyone who she comes across which she writes out verbatim. Since Malaysia is a Muslim country the locals do not take kindly to her attacking their religion and trying to convert them. The rest of the book has little story, she is just complaining about how hard her life is...she even admits it in the book that her life is hard because of her own actions (insert tons of Bible verses and self-righteous pats on the back).
Ester is now in the USA. The UNHCR moved her and set her up here. She now makes her living writing books like this and preaching to others. It sounds like she spends the rest of her time accosting anyone who comes near her and seeing how many times she can say "God' or some derivative in a day.
July 25, 2023
From the very beginning of this book, it was very hard to put down because it was so intriguing. I enjoyed learning more about the Muslim culture she grew up in as well as her testimony. You won’t be disappointed with this read.
January 1, 2024
I could not put this book down. It was an amazing story displaying such an incredible faith in God. I loved reading every page of it. One of my favorite sections was when she started meeting with mullahs and they got into debates. I just found her so brave and intelligent, and I wonder if those debates got others in the community thinking beyond what they've been told. This is a story I've felt so grateful to have read. What a powerful testimony!
April 27, 2025
Multiple times I had goosebumps while listening to Esther’s journey from darkness to light! Praising God that she has shared her story. So incredibly grateful and inspired!
April 29, 2025
This honesty was one of the most powerful books I ever read. Esther so eloquently discusses how she transformed her faith and how she defended it against all sorts of persecution.
July 22, 2025
Wow!, just wow!
July 1, 2022
I definitely can't do justice to this inspiring book with my review. It's the true story of Esther (formerly known by her Muslim name, Zakhira) who was ready to leave for jihad training to kill infidels but had a dream that led her down the path to becoming a Christian. She eventually had to flee Pakistan because her father sought to "honor kill" her.
As a Muslim, Esther was encouraged not to think critically about what was in the Quran and not to question it. What?!?!? But as an educated and inquisitive girl, her questions and the contradictions in the Quran still bothered her. She has an interesting backstory as she came from a fairly wealthy family and her father was originally not a faithful adherent to Islam, but quite westernized. When Islamic fundamentalists came to their part of Pakistan, he reformed and became one of them.
When she secretly became a Christian, Esther was willing to be martyred for her faith, which was a real possibility in Pakistan. I was in awe of her bravery in boldly sharing from the Bible in the community debates which were meant to convert her back to Islam and if she refused, to eventually kill her. Any one of those debates could have gone badly for her, but God worked through her in mighty ways. She was completely obedient and fully trusted God. She stands in stark contrast to most American Christians, those of us who live relatively plush, comfortable lives and would buckle under just a fraction of the hardships she had to endure. She repeatedly gave up everything to follow Jesus: food, friends, family, safety, and a home. I feel challenged to be more like Esther, she's a true hero.
I listened to the audiobook narrated by Julia Farhat.
As a Muslim, Esther was encouraged not to think critically about what was in the Quran and not to question it. What?!?!? But as an educated and inquisitive girl, her questions and the contradictions in the Quran still bothered her. She has an interesting backstory as she came from a fairly wealthy family and her father was originally not a faithful adherent to Islam, but quite westernized. When Islamic fundamentalists came to their part of Pakistan, he reformed and became one of them.
When she secretly became a Christian, Esther was willing to be martyred for her faith, which was a real possibility in Pakistan. I was in awe of her bravery in boldly sharing from the Bible in the community debates which were meant to convert her back to Islam and if she refused, to eventually kill her. Any one of those debates could have gone badly for her, but God worked through her in mighty ways. She was completely obedient and fully trusted God. She stands in stark contrast to most American Christians, those of us who live relatively plush, comfortable lives and would buckle under just a fraction of the hardships she had to endure. She repeatedly gave up everything to follow Jesus: food, friends, family, safety, and a home. I feel challenged to be more like Esther, she's a true hero.
I listened to the audiobook narrated by Julia Farhat.
April 2, 2022
The story of a young Pakistani woman with strong faith and a love of knowledge finds herself on the fast track to jihad and is ultimately converted to Christianity.
The book started out promising, giving small insight to the indoctrination of jihad fighters and how extremists are funded, but quickly turned into nothing more than quotes from the Koran to quotes from the Bible. I found it neither educational nor inspiring. Esther went from blindly following religion to another, from anxiously awaiting her death as a martyr for Allah to squealing with joy at the thought of dying for Jesus within a few chapters. She finds no self worth other than in her devotion to a God. The title is truly misleading, and honestly reads more like fiction or a Christian conversion text - she prays over her Mother one time and he heals her heart trouble after years, one prayer and her brother’s leg no longer needs to be amputated, she is able to destroy scholars of Islam with one question, she needs a bed and viola! a bad is delivered after a mere silent prayer, no food in the cupboard and bags of food are left on the doorstep.
The book started out promising, giving small insight to the indoctrination of jihad fighters and how extremists are funded, but quickly turned into nothing more than quotes from the Koran to quotes from the Bible. I found it neither educational nor inspiring. Esther went from blindly following religion to another, from anxiously awaiting her death as a martyr for Allah to squealing with joy at the thought of dying for Jesus within a few chapters. She finds no self worth other than in her devotion to a God. The title is truly misleading, and honestly reads more like fiction or a Christian conversion text - she prays over her Mother one time and he heals her heart trouble after years, one prayer and her brother’s leg no longer needs to be amputated, she is able to destroy scholars of Islam with one question, she needs a bed and viola! a bad is delivered after a mere silent prayer, no food in the cupboard and bags of food are left on the doorstep.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 10, 2022
What an amazing journey. I wish I could sit down with Esther for an hour. The insights she could offer are endless. The rare perspective of a first generation Christian vs. the “hand-me-down” mentality in America where Christianity is worn like an antique watch, which has been handed down from generation to generation and only worn on special occasions, no longer ticks, is held together by one weak chainlink and is one generation away from obscurity. Can it be salvaged, repaired, brought back to life? Is America at risk with its nonchalant attitude for the love of Christ when compared with Islamic radicalism’s fervor for hate? Is the hate of Christianity truly only found among the radicals of jihad, or is it at the core of Islam as a whole and suppressed —-your experience seems to suggest otherwise and led me to believe the hate was more common than not among the Islamic states as a whole. What racial discrimination have you experienced in America by Christians, American Muslims and by extremists of both religions?
Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you for sharing your story!
March 12, 2025
This covers a drastic religious conversion, but rather than exploring a nuanced faith journey, it felt more like a shift from one rigid belief system to another. I'm sure people who want affirmation of a certain Christian perspective will love it. I wanted a more balanced exploration of faith and was disappointed.
She shares some dramatic miracles as proof of divine intervention—heart issues vanishing, infections cured, money materializing in her hand. While meant to be inspiring, I think it is unwise and damaging. It sends a harmful message to those who have prayed just as fervently yet never received such miracles. Framing extreme events as a result of belief dismisses the struggles of those whose prayers go unanswered
Overall, it wasn't a good read for me and I'm dreading the book club discussion a bit.
She shares some dramatic miracles as proof of divine intervention—heart issues vanishing, infections cured, money materializing in her hand. While meant to be inspiring, I think it is unwise and damaging. It sends a harmful message to those who have prayed just as fervently yet never received such miracles. Framing extreme events as a result of belief dismisses the struggles of those whose prayers go unanswered
Overall, it wasn't a good read for me and I'm dreading the book club discussion a bit.
June 4, 2021
This is a powerful testimony of the faithfulness of God and His power to save—even from depths of darkness. I think Esther was so brave in writing this book and sharing her story, especially with all her family has been through and how her/her families lives have been threatened. This book really opened my eyes to the radial differences between Islam/the Quran and the Bible. I feel like I learned so much from this book! This has given me so much compassion for Muslims, and opened my eyes to see how they are kept from knowing the truth, even about their own “holy” books. This book just really hit home for me that nothing had hold back the truth and saving power of Jesus! Thank you, Esther for being faithful to share your testimony of God’s goodness.
August 21, 2023
Love, love true stories of obedient people who SEEK truth with all their hearts. This book was another one of them.
June 28, 2023
Extraordinary. Just, extraordinary.
June 24, 2024
Woah. I finished this in a little over 24 hours because I couldn't put it down. This was an eye opener and convicting.
December 22, 2021
Excellent book! This woman's story is an example to every Christian and what we, as Christians, can take for granted. She was willing to stay faithful in the face of death and ended up sharing her faith with many others, eventually bringing her family from Pakistan to the United States. Esther is now a free, Christian woman.
April 7, 2025
Everyone should read this book
September 10, 2022
Amazing book. Wow. Esther is a brave women- who puts it all on the line for the gospel. For the sake of knowing Christ more.
“The confusing thing is that even though people here (USA) are well and blessed and could go to church without any restrictions - they do not. When I was in Pakistan and could not go to church, I would day dream about how wonderful it would be to be able to worship with Gods people. I thought that the Christian’s In the United States would be so happy to go to church whenever they wanted to. But instead, they want to go to the beach, watch football or eat. It makes me a bit sad.”
“The confusing thing is that even though people here (USA) are well and blessed and could go to church without any restrictions - they do not. When I was in Pakistan and could not go to church, I would day dream about how wonderful it would be to be able to worship with Gods people. I thought that the Christian’s In the United States would be so happy to go to church whenever they wanted to. But instead, they want to go to the beach, watch football or eat. It makes me a bit sad.”
July 30, 2025
Just finished this and all I can say is...AMAZING!!
A book by what must be one of the most courageous women of today! A true story of a woman born to a wealthy Muslim family in Pakistan, Zakhira, later called Esther, was a faithful follower of Islam. At 18, seeking her fathers approval, she volunteers to join the Jihad to kill infidels knowing she WILL die and joyously welcomes her own death to please Allah. This is the Islam way, Allah blesses those who willingly die for him while killing innocent Christians and Jews! But God has other plans for Zahira and soon she turns her life over to Christ. Now the persecution and defending the Holy Bible begins.
I found myself on the edge of my seat as I read each page. Learning what the Qur'an really holds as Esther defends the Holy Bible and points out all the inaccuracies of the Qur'an to family, friends, and Muslims in general who are yelling to kill her right then and there. Even her own father plots her death! An amazing story of faith in Jesus while staring death in its face. An amazing account of how God protected her, answered all her prayers, and helped her to show others who lived in the darkness of Islam what love is in only Jesus Christ. I strongly recommend this book, giving it well over the five star rating! You won't put it down, you will learn things about the Qur'an, and read just how great our God is for those who turn their life completely over to Him. How he takes someone not worthy, living in total darkness, and brings her into the loving light of Jesus so she too can help others. I promise you, you WILL want to share this book with others!!!
A book by what must be one of the most courageous women of today! A true story of a woman born to a wealthy Muslim family in Pakistan, Zakhira, later called Esther, was a faithful follower of Islam. At 18, seeking her fathers approval, she volunteers to join the Jihad to kill infidels knowing she WILL die and joyously welcomes her own death to please Allah. This is the Islam way, Allah blesses those who willingly die for him while killing innocent Christians and Jews! But God has other plans for Zahira and soon she turns her life over to Christ. Now the persecution and defending the Holy Bible begins.
I found myself on the edge of my seat as I read each page. Learning what the Qur'an really holds as Esther defends the Holy Bible and points out all the inaccuracies of the Qur'an to family, friends, and Muslims in general who are yelling to kill her right then and there. Even her own father plots her death! An amazing story of faith in Jesus while staring death in its face. An amazing account of how God protected her, answered all her prayers, and helped her to show others who lived in the darkness of Islam what love is in only Jesus Christ. I strongly recommend this book, giving it well over the five star rating! You won't put it down, you will learn things about the Qur'an, and read just how great our God is for those who turn their life completely over to Him. How he takes someone not worthy, living in total darkness, and brings her into the loving light of Jesus so she too can help others. I promise you, you WILL want to share this book with others!!!
February 24, 2021
In short, this story has God's faithfulness woven intricately through out it, from the start to the end! It was like getting a great big dose of encouragement in the form of a well-written, easy to read, real-life novel. It was truly refreshing and inspiring. And I definitely plan on reading it again!
It also gave such interesting insight into Islamic beliefs, helping me to view Muslims as real people with real feelings etc. It reminded me to love Muslims and to view them more as God views them--with compassion.
I feel that given the subject matter, this book was very tastefully written. Though for younger readers there may be a couple of things that could be disturbing or unsuitable (mentions rape, suicide, and a few other such things). Nothing was focused on in great detail though.
Quote from the Book: "I had no fear swelling in me, no panic. The words of my Lord were all I needed. I trusted my faithful God--the One who is true to all his promises." Esther Ahmad, Defying Jihad
It also gave such interesting insight into Islamic beliefs, helping me to view Muslims as real people with real feelings etc. It reminded me to love Muslims and to view them more as God views them--with compassion.
I feel that given the subject matter, this book was very tastefully written. Though for younger readers there may be a couple of things that could be disturbing or unsuitable (mentions rape, suicide, and a few other such things). Nothing was focused on in great detail though.
Quote from the Book: "I had no fear swelling in me, no panic. The words of my Lord were all I needed. I trusted my faithful God--the One who is true to all his promises." Esther Ahmad, Defying Jihad
September 29, 2022
Wow. I am in tears.
If nothing else, Esther's story dramatically demonstrates that our God is a living and almighty powerful God, and He can and does work miracles in even the least likely of situations. While reading, I kept thinking of the times when Jesus rebuked his followers with the words, "oh ye of little faith". And I picture the western church today, and can't help but feel our church today could use the same rebuke. When, really, have we ever prayed for a miracle, and actually expected it to be granted?
Esther's story sheds light into the darkness and fear of Islam, and it helped me to understand just why Jihadists are so determined to die. It's one that every person should read, if only to understand what kind of war we are facing from the East. They truly believe that by their martyrdom they earn salvation for them and their family.
Esther's faith is a truly an inspiration.
"If the coming sunrise signalled the start of my last day on earth, then I would spend every breath and every heartbeat of that day in service to my Lord."
If nothing else, Esther's story dramatically demonstrates that our God is a living and almighty powerful God, and He can and does work miracles in even the least likely of situations. While reading, I kept thinking of the times when Jesus rebuked his followers with the words, "oh ye of little faith". And I picture the western church today, and can't help but feel our church today could use the same rebuke. When, really, have we ever prayed for a miracle, and actually expected it to be granted?
Esther's story sheds light into the darkness and fear of Islam, and it helped me to understand just why Jihadists are so determined to die. It's one that every person should read, if only to understand what kind of war we are facing from the East. They truly believe that by their martyrdom they earn salvation for them and their family.
Esther's faith is a truly an inspiration.
"If the coming sunrise signalled the start of my last day on earth, then I would spend every breath and every heartbeat of that day in service to my Lord."
January 2, 2020
I read this book in one day, and it has challenged me on so many levels. Certainly it makes me grateful for the freedoms I have growing up in the west. However, I am overwhelmed by how much I take for granted - not just the freedoms I have, but I so frequently underestimate the power of prayer and the absolute belief that God will answer. How often do I pray with my own interests in mind rather than a passion for God's will? Also, I'm reminded of the significance of God's leading and weaving all things together for His purpose. It's easy for me to get comfortable with accepting circumstances as just coincidences, but God never wastes an opportunity to form us into who He wants us to be. And finally, God will empower us to do whatever he calls us to do! If I really believe this, it's the most empowering truth in the world. I may be weak, but he is Omnipotent!
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