My Secret Brothers

by Sally Herbert

A daughter’s search for her mother’s hidden past reveals long-kept secrets and lies that change both their lives forever Born out of wedlock in Dublin in 1937, Phyllis grows up in a brutal, church-run orphanage. She thinks that if she fulfils her dream of becoming a nurse in England, her life might change for the better. But the feelings of worthlessness instilled by the orphanage perpetuate a series of poor choices. Predisposed by her loveless childhood to a loveless marriage, Phyllis sees her life spiralling out of control, and her daughter, Sally, suffers the repercussions. As her mother’s health deteriorates, Sally tries to understand why it seemed inevitable that her mother’s life and her own would go so spectacularly wrong. Confronted by doubts, she asks questions about Phyllis’s true identity. Who was she? Why was she abandoned? Sally needs to find the answers before it’s too late. After a mission that lasts nearly a decade, searching archives and contacting countless organizations and anyone who will listen, Sally finally uncovers the truth and opens the door to a world so many of us take for granted.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

363 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 3, 2022

Reviews

[Maria Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Net Galley, Ad Lib Publishers and Mardle Books for the advance copy of this book. The heart of this story is the author's mother, Phyllis, who grew up in an orphanage in Ireland, and subsequently endured a loveless marriage and never was able to feel like she belonged anywhere. As an adult her daughter begins the search for her mother's long lost family. The story is heart wrenching and tackles many social injustices. The first how her mother had ended up in the home in the first place, and then how difficult it was to get any information due to bureaucracy and government. This book is well written and informative. A beautiful tribute from Sally to her mother, who she clearly loved very dearly.

[Julie Haigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

A 5 star read.

Sally Herbert's mum had been abandoned as a baby, and was brought up in an orphanage. The author is middle aged and now is time to find out more about her roots. Sally had got interested in genealogy, and started to trace her family history.

A family story with many twists and turns; hardship. Although I've read a few true stories with similar subject matter, this wasn't all the same again, it was unpredictable, and very interesting and intriguing.

An excellent book with so many threads to it- not just the trying to trace her mum’s birth mother etc.

An emotional journey, very well-written, and an absorbing read.

[Marianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is dedicated to all those brought up in institutions and long to know who their families are.
It is based on both Sally’s frustrating experiences trying to track down the missing maternal grandmother, and her conversations with her ailing but resilient mother Phyllis.
The obfuscation by Church, and State of Ireland prolongs the sadness, cruelty and tragedy, records have gone amiss.
Birth certificates, dates of admission and names have been changed, seemingly, to protect the families of unmarried mothers.
Phyllis is born into the Bethany Home in Dublin in 1937.
Her brother is collected by the mother a year later but Phyllis is left behind and shifted to another Dublin orphanage in 1940.
She was frequently visited by a mysterious Auntie Bea who showed her kindness, affection and generosity. Phyllis has no idea what her connection with Auntie Bea is, and is not confident enough to ask questions.
After incidents of ill treatment and abuse at the orphanage become apparent Auntie Bea asks Phyllis if she would like to come and live with her instead.
Here, I was shocked at young Phyllis’s “safe” decision, which was a fine example of ingrained self-worthlessness, confounded by ego belittling by the sanctimonious and cruel carers.
Fear runs like a river throughout the orphan’s lives.
Phyllis is released from the orphanage when she turns16.
She is assigned to work as a children’s nurse, but hasn’t been taught any worldly life skills such as independent decision making and budgeting which affects, or rather afflicts everything that happens in her adult life.
For 60 years Phyllis believes that she is unloved, unwanted and has no other family.
With new DNA technology Sally finally makes a breakthrough, without this Phyllis would have died no wiser to the circumstances surrounding her fate.
“Suffer Little Children to Come Unto Me” is part of a phrase from the Christian Bible that was deliberately misquoted as a justification for the ill treatment inflicted upon these poor young souls in the name of religious betterment.
It’s hard to say I enjoyed this book, but it’s a well written compelling story which inspired me to look into some history around these barbaric institutions.
Phyllis’s shattered life is but one of thousands, unmarried mothers included, who are displaced, bereft and adrift because of destroyed, concealed or hidden documentation.
Hail Sally for all her hard work, passion and patience in searching for her beloved mother’s family.
This memoir is written with warmth and humour, and I would recommend it to anyone trying to solve a genealogy mystery.
Thanks to NetGalley and Ad Lib Publishers for sending me an ARC in exchange for an independent review.

[Mrs Jacklyn Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A glorious story, at times heart wrenching, but to quote Ms Herbert, "where there's life, there's hope".

[Fran Whiteman · Rating 3 out of 5]

A touching story, easy to listen to. The book covered some sensitive issues but a sweet story.

[Cleopatra Pullen · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an extraordinary tale; part memoir, part genealogical discovery Sally Herbert documents what is known, and unknown, about the life of her mother Phyllis

Phyllis was born in 1937 and by the time she was 16 had two different birthdates, either March or December of that year. Her early life was dominated by institutions firstly the Bethany House where she'd been born to an unmarried mother and secondly the church-run orphanage, both in Ireland. Yet, by some measure Phyllis had been lucky she had a 'Guardian' a devout protestant well-wisher who paid for her education and kept an eye on her early adulthood. Phyllis always wondered if her attention was due to more than her faith.

Sadly, after a difficult start, Phyllis's adulthood was also full of woes and that in turn meant that her daughter Sally had a difficult upbringing too but mother and daughter remained close. This book is testament to that and Sally's determination to find out who Phyllis's mother really was...

An engaging read which relates the difficulties faced by many of those named, without sinking into misery memoir field.

[Charissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sad true tale of an Irish orphan who grows up knowing nothing of her family until her daughter learns to work modern day science (DNA testing) and social media to their advantage.

The story itself is a great one, a ticking time bomb as they race against the clock. The writing wasn’t great, I felt sometimes that a conversation was carried on for no reason relating to the journey ahead and in a strange sense. The family I’m sure has even more, but the author’s depiction left me wondering about answers to questions.

[MT Quayle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written -
It tells the heart wrenching story of Phyllis Little and her life from her illegitimate birth, being brought up in an orphanage in Dublin and her life when she moved to England to become a nurse -
the book is written by her daughter Sally, it tells the lengths she went too to discover Phyllis’s roots and to find who her Mother was and why she gave her up -
A thoroughly enjoyable read, I highly recommend this book .

[Federica · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very emotional read. An easy one for the way it is written, but absolutely not easy for the themes treated.
This book is a love tribute of a daughter to her mother and it's impossible not to love it. A huge thanks to the author for this heartwrenching memoir / autobiography, it was an "unhappy" pleasure to read it.

Thank you to NetGalley and te publisher for providing me with an arc in exchange for an honest review.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Found this book when looking at the pharmacy for something to pass the time before getting my internet setup at my house. I also have family who lived in
or who were born in homes for unwed mothers and thanks to DNA testing and searching learned more about their heritages. I enjoyed this book a lot.

[Ruth Masterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring and moving

I read this book in 2 days and it revealed much about my rejection( 3 step-mothers!!). Sadly Dad died just as I was finding out so much about my mother( she died aged 39). I connected very much with this book and loved it.

[Shelby Lethbridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good non-fiction book. Does not get in to finding about the brothers until about the last 100 pages or so. It talks about Sally’s mom Phyllis, her upbringing and so on. Not going to spoil the end.

I wonder if Sally did get in contact with her half brother?

[Judy Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very well written book based on a true story of a woman looking for the mother who gave her up when she was just a child. The book follows the struggles she had to endure being raised alone in an orphanage and how that struggle affected her entire life. Very interesting and heartfelt book.

[Basia Farrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful

Well written, sad but full of hope!! Loved this book. Enjoyable read!!
Mothers and daughters love is so strong! Great work

[Debbie ☕️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Beatrice De Filippis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Finding the pieces of your past is never an easy task or a smooth journey.
Though I admire the love bond between mother and daughter, the recounting of orphanage years and the struggle through an unfortunate matrimony, I found the genealogy and truth discovery slightly boring.
I know it meant so much to the author and her late (outstanding mother), but I had to push myself through what felt like the journaling of the author

[Maria Civita · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can’t imagine how a child must feel not knowing who their parents were. Many are wonderfully adopted by amazing people but many are faced with navigating their lives on their own
Not only missing parents but also siblings who would have contributed to many cherished memories
So happy for Sally who has found her family

[Stephanie Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book. I loved it!

This is an intriguing book. It's a genuinely heart-warming story and I was drawn in straight away, eager to know what happened next to Phyllis.
The regime at the orphanage, where Phyllis grew up was clearly brutal and shockingly harsh. There's enough detail to illustrate this but not enough to make the book depressing. The sense of trepidation Phyllis felt on finally leaving the orphanage to go out into the world was evident and I felt her elation at embarking on a career that she'd longed for. Sadly, Phyllis made a loveless marriage and you sense that being brought up to feel worthless contributed greatly to making such a bad choice. You get a real sense of Phyllis' desperation when she tries to escape her loveless marriage. Sadly, with no family to support her, every attempt was futile, resulting in a chaotic childhood for Sally and her brother, Will. The second part of the book tells the story of Sally's search to find her Mother's family. There are so many twists and turns and setbacks but, through it all, Sally never gives up. Sally's joy and elation at finally finding her Mother's family comes across so strongly and, from a terrible start to life, Phyllis finally discovers the family she came from.
This is a terrific story, full of triumph over adversity. It's very well written and I didn't want the book to end! I couldn't help but admire Phyllis' grit and determination to survive. She was a feisty lady and had great strength of character. From a dreadful start in life Phyllis lovingly raised two children - no mean feat, given her circumstances. I loved Sally's resolve to never give up and her devotion to her Mother shines through the book from beginning to end

[Grace J Reviewerlady · Rating 3 out of 5]

A tale where the love between a mother and daughter shines through!

This is the story of two women, mother and daughter, whose lives are overshadowed by the lack of family history. Mother Phyllis was born in Ireland in 1937 to an unwed mother and spent her childhood in an orphanage. When she is a teenager and needs to leave the home, she dreams of being a nurse in England, sure that will change her life for the good but things don’t quite work out as she envisaged. As the years to by, her daughter Sally tries to find out more about her grandmother – who was she and are their any other relatives out there?

I must admit I struggled a bit through the orphanage years with this one; it was very similar to another novel I recently read but thereafter I began to get into the story of Sally and Phyllis’ struggle. As mother and daughter there is no doubting that they have a very close relationship and Sally is greatly affected by her mother’s sadness at not knowing her family history. The effort she puts into trying to find family for her mother’s peace of mind is admirable and she needs endless patience. There are some emotional scenes, but overall this is a positive story and I’m sure many others in a similar position will take great comfort from discovering how to go about tracing their family. This is an interesting read but the writing could have been a bit sharper – there were times when I had to make myself keep reading. Definitely appealing to those keen on genealogy this is, for me, 3.5*.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a memoir by Sally Herbert. Her mother was brought up in an orphanage for unwed mothers. As her mother Phyllis ages and becomes ill Sally tries to find out who was Phyllis’s mother and father and how she ended up in an orphanage.

[Diane Green · Rating 3 out of 5]

It started off well but the more I kept reading the more I found myself disappointed with the mother and how she seemed to treat her children and I found that difficult.
I have overcome some very difficult events in my life and have always tried to protect my daughter and some how shield her.
I cannot say it was a book I enjoyed but reading it definitely made me think and how differently people reactions to life events are.

[D Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a very good and well written but sad book and reflects the terrible way single mothers and their children were treated in Ireland in those times and thank god times have changed. How these so called Christian orphanages called themselves Christian is beyond me and Jesus would have wept at what was done in his name.
Without wanting to spoil the ending, all I can say is that it is definitely worth reading

[Catherine D · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a lovely and well written book. I couldn’t put it down. It’s a nice easy read but touches your heart. Considering everything the mother went through, her daughter was an absolute credit to her despite her difficult upbringing. The mother harboured no revenge but that was passed down to her daughter who also saw the good in everyone :)

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

great story

Wow this was such a heartfelt story and made me feel like I was right there with you along your journey. I certainly shed a few tears at the end. These were tears of joy that you found extended family and tears off sorrow for your mum.

[S A CHILDS · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliantly written book

I enjoyed this book so much, all the twists and turns of Sally trying to find out about her mother's family history.
I laughed and cried and felt captivated by Sally's and her mother's story, I couldn't stop reading it and didn't want the story to end.

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book of two halves interesting searches into family history, but the rest was a little bit too misery litt.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phyllis grew up feeling unloved. But by Sally bringing her story to the world she had given us all a chance to love her.

[Angela Parascandolo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read

Heart breaking story, well written and an honest account of a daughter love, determination to find her mother's family. Thank you for sharing 😘

[M.S.V.V.Sesharao · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting

[Lisa Peake · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5