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Zig-Zag Boy: A Memoir of Madness and Motherhood
A compassionate, heartrending memoir of a mother’s quest to accept her son’s journey through psychosis. One night in 2009, Tanya Frank finds her nineteen-year-old son, Zach―gentle and full of promise―in the grip of what the psychiatrists would label a psychotic break. Suddenly and inexplicably, Tanya is thrown into a parallel Zach’s world, where the phones are bugged, his friends have joined the Mafia, and helicopters are spying on his family. In the years following Zach’s shifting psychiatric diagnoses, Tanya goes to war for her son, desperate to find the right answer, the right drug, the right doctor to bring him back to reality. She struggles to navigate archaic mental healthcare systems, first in California and then in her native London during lockdown. Meanwhile, the boy she raised―the chatty, precocious dog-lover, the teenager who spent summers surfing with his big brother, the UCLA student―suffers the effects of multiple hospitalizations, powerful drugs that blunt his emotions, therapies that don’t work, and torturous nights on the streets. Holding on to startling moments of hope and seeking solace in nature and community, Tanya learns how to abandon her fears for the future and accept the mysteries of her son’s altered states. With tenderness, lyricism, and generous candor, this compelling story conveys the power of a mother’s love. Zig-Zag Boy is both a moving lamentation for things lost and a brave testament to the people we become in difficult circumstances.
224 pages, Hardcover
Published February 28, 2023
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7289 people want to read
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April 4, 2023
Genre: Memoir/Mental Illness
Publisher: W.W. Norton & Co.
Pub. Date: Feb. 28, 2023
Mini-Review
Tanya Frank’s otherwise healthy 19-year-old son, Zach, experienced his first psychotic break in 2009. Will her surfer and chess standout son ever return to her? This memoir left me feeling unsatisfied. My objection is not with Frank’s writing. Indeed, I commend the author for skillfully conveying her bewilderment as a horrified mother watching her son being consumed by psychosis. She does an excellent job of showing how blind-sighted she was and how sad she feels knowing that her life will never be the same. No matter how hard she tries, she can not fix her son’s broken brain and we watch her frantically trying. So with so much praise why was I disappointed? It is that I was expecting to read more about Zach. This is his mother’s story that we see through her eyes. However, to be fair, this was written as his mother’s memoir, not his.
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Publisher: W.W. Norton & Co.
Pub. Date: Feb. 28, 2023
Mini-Review
Tanya Frank’s otherwise healthy 19-year-old son, Zach, experienced his first psychotic break in 2009. Will her surfer and chess standout son ever return to her? This memoir left me feeling unsatisfied. My objection is not with Frank’s writing. Indeed, I commend the author for skillfully conveying her bewilderment as a horrified mother watching her son being consumed by psychosis. She does an excellent job of showing how blind-sighted she was and how sad she feels knowing that her life will never be the same. No matter how hard she tries, she can not fix her son’s broken brain and we watch her frantically trying. So with so much praise why was I disappointed? It is that I was expecting to read more about Zach. This is his mother’s story that we see through her eyes. However, to be fair, this was written as his mother’s memoir, not his.
Find all my book reviews at:
https://books6259.wordpress.com
https://www.goodreads.com
https://twitter.com/NeesRecord
https://www.amazon.com
https://www.facebook.com/martie.neesr...
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/c...
March 3, 2023
Our children will always be our children no matter their age and level of independence. But when something goes wrong, the heartbreak is endless. The fight of wanting what's best for your child when you don't know what exactly is the best for them; the fight between doing everything for them and letting them be their own person; the fight between being your own self and being their mother.
I don't think this can be put into words in all it's hellish reality, but Tanya Frank comes close. Her sheer will power and determinations is almost unbelievable. How she could fight through everything that life has sent their way and still survive is beyond me. The amount of unconditional love she poured into her son's journey is awe inspiring. Zach's story also shades light on how little we know of mental health, of the inner works of the brain. It shows how sometimes by "helping" we do more damage. It is beyond hard to find a balance that will allow all those involved to keep their agency.
Thank you Tanya for sharing your story!
*Book from NetGalley with many thanks to the publisher for the opportunity!
I don't think this can be put into words in all it's hellish reality, but Tanya Frank comes close. Her sheer will power and determinations is almost unbelievable. How she could fight through everything that life has sent their way and still survive is beyond me. The amount of unconditional love she poured into her son's journey is awe inspiring. Zach's story also shades light on how little we know of mental health, of the inner works of the brain. It shows how sometimes by "helping" we do more damage. It is beyond hard to find a balance that will allow all those involved to keep their agency.
Thank you Tanya for sharing your story!
*Book from NetGalley with many thanks to the publisher for the opportunity!
February 16, 2023
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Zig Zag Boy is Tanya Frank's story of her son's psychotic break at age 19 and the years that follow as they come to terms with his ongoing psychosis. As a mother, the portions of the book that focus on her and her son, and their relationship, are visceral and heart-wrenching. Frank is unsparing in discussing their battles with health care providers and insurance in both the U.S. and England, her son Zach's turmoil on antipsychotic meds and the difficulties he faces when unmedicated, the struggle in getting an accurate (or at least consistent) diagnosis, and their forays into conventional and alternative medicines and treatments. I also appreciated that Frank doesn't shy away from talking about their friends and family, and how other relationships and facets of their lives change significantly, sometimes irreparably. And while Frank's whole-hearted love and adoration for her son shine throughout, this does not inoculate her from caregiver burnout and fatigue.
Interspersed throughout the book are passages about nature and elephant seals. While these portions are interesting, they are not as strong or as captivating as the more personal anecdotes. Overall this is a strong and compassionate memoir that provides an open and honest look at mental illness and its concomitants.
Zig Zag Boy is Tanya Frank's story of her son's psychotic break at age 19 and the years that follow as they come to terms with his ongoing psychosis. As a mother, the portions of the book that focus on her and her son, and their relationship, are visceral and heart-wrenching. Frank is unsparing in discussing their battles with health care providers and insurance in both the U.S. and England, her son Zach's turmoil on antipsychotic meds and the difficulties he faces when unmedicated, the struggle in getting an accurate (or at least consistent) diagnosis, and their forays into conventional and alternative medicines and treatments. I also appreciated that Frank doesn't shy away from talking about their friends and family, and how other relationships and facets of their lives change significantly, sometimes irreparably. And while Frank's whole-hearted love and adoration for her son shine throughout, this does not inoculate her from caregiver burnout and fatigue.
Interspersed throughout the book are passages about nature and elephant seals. While these portions are interesting, they are not as strong or as captivating as the more personal anecdotes. Overall this is a strong and compassionate memoir that provides an open and honest look at mental illness and its concomitants.
May 9, 2023
There's probably a term for this kind of book that I don't know, but I think of it as a misery memoir. There are plenty of examples, and even plenty of examples of this more specific type in which a parent writes about their child who is living with a life-threatening mental disorder.
I guess it gains gravitas from the misery, but in this particular case the gravitas isn't really enough to make it a good book. It sort of has a beginning and a middle, but definitely lacks any kind of end. And the writing is more or less just excerpts from a daily diary of what Tanya Frank did today.
No answers to the problems she face(s)(d), I guess that's not a requirement but it would give the book a reason for existing.
Anyway, there is some pleasure in reading misery memoirs, so don't let me negative take hold you back if it's your thing.
I guess it gains gravitas from the misery, but in this particular case the gravitas isn't really enough to make it a good book. It sort of has a beginning and a middle, but definitely lacks any kind of end. And the writing is more or less just excerpts from a daily diary of what Tanya Frank did today.
No answers to the problems she face(s)(d), I guess that's not a requirement but it would give the book a reason for existing.
Anyway, there is some pleasure in reading misery memoirs, so don't let me negative take hold you back if it's your thing.
March 25, 2023
The book (hardcover) was hard to read being set in a small tiny little typeface. That would have been ok if the book had been better, but it wasn't. I've read dozens of books in this genre, and this is not one of the better.
Zach is a grown man, not a boy. And yes, of course his mother thinks that he was an exceptional child with so very much to offer this world, a true boy genius, special, very special, talented, so very talented.
But the book isn't about the son, it's about a broken, but trying, mental health system and, mostly, about his mother, who can afford flights, hotels, rental stuff, all seemingly without working. Good for her, who is in a hard situation. Maybe this book sold well so she can afford stuff. But the story doesn't go anywhere. I was sick of Zach and his doting mom and all their friends and doctors and super patient therapists 'n all after the first couple of chapters. It just didn't come together. Didn't care for the book, not engaging.
Zach is a grown man, not a boy. And yes, of course his mother thinks that he was an exceptional child with so very much to offer this world, a true boy genius, special, very special, talented, so very talented.
But the book isn't about the son, it's about a broken, but trying, mental health system and, mostly, about his mother, who can afford flights, hotels, rental stuff, all seemingly without working. Good for her, who is in a hard situation. Maybe this book sold well so she can afford stuff. But the story doesn't go anywhere. I was sick of Zach and his doting mom and all their friends and doctors and super patient therapists 'n all after the first couple of chapters. It just didn't come together. Didn't care for the book, not engaging.
January 9, 2023
What we think we know can be lost in a second. What we love can never be lost. Such is the story of a talented young man who experiences a psychotic break and the love of his mother. Facing a son she doesn't know anymore and a medical system that doesn't appear to offer much hope and even less help, Tanya Frank discovers she is what stands between her son and his increasing illness.
When she wakes to find her 19 years old son experiencing a psychotic break, she is plunged into the unknown. As he lapses deeper into his new world, she fights to hang onto the promising and talented young man her son used to be. The education she receives from the medical system is at times frightening and without hope, which pushes her harder to find help for Zach.
When she wakes to find her 19 years old son experiencing a psychotic break, she is plunged into the unknown. As he lapses deeper into his new world, she fights to hang onto the promising and talented young man her son used to be. The education she receives from the medical system is at times frightening and without hope, which pushes her harder to find help for Zach.
February 26, 2023
Another narcissistic, sad-sack “mom” who has loads of resources at her fingertips (2 co-parents for her son, money, multiple homes, education, time, etc.) and invests none of them on her son’s health and future. Boy, did he ever get the shaft. A “parent” who can waste that many resources and, literally, never miss them should NEVER be allowed to quack their child or publish a BS “story” about their child’s life. When I think of all the parents out there (Zack McDermott’s parents, Esme Wang’s parents, my parents) who did so much more and cared so much more than Ms. Frank, I feel devastated, on her son’s behalf. By Ms. Frank’s own account, her son is a young man of exceptional intellect, personality, and imagination. Just a modicum of care from his mom - or anyone, really - could have harnessed his considerable personal strengths and propelled him into a safe, productive, enjoyable, and successful life. His feelings, unorthodox as they may seem, were not entirely at odds with most of what he needed to keep (his liberty, his progress in school, etc.) in order to attain the psychological, social, and physical security he sought and DESERVED. But, he needed his mom to spearhead those plans. Not even highly-capable boys like him can - or should - make lifesaving decisions alone. Would Ms. Frank really have been so “burdened”, if she had allowed her son to honestly answer a few basic questions BEFORE he collapsed?
“How are you doing in school?”;
“How are you feeling?”;
“What do you want to do this year?”;
“Do you think there any changes we should make, as a family?”
“What makes you happy, these days?”
I don’t see how, but you’d never think of that, if you simply read this book and took the author at her word. Ms. Frank’s aversion to self-reflection is, literally, a phobia of hers. Great memoirs, no matter how subjective they are, must explore their objective side. Usually, that’s when self-aggrandizement is tempered by the author’s responsibility to other people. In this book, that subplot is the alternative lives of Ms. Frank and her “boy” (son who became a MAN!). Where, in Ms. Frank’s opinion, are her and her son today, if, years ago, her priorities had maintained a loving, balanced, and realistic focus? If she and her son were just now reaping the benefits of those priorities, which, by necessity, could only produce long-term rewards? We’ll never know. Ms. Frank’s cowardice outstripped her desire for a “big book” and, more importantly, a genuine relationship with a thriving, grown son. Tragic as that is, readers shouldn’t be hamstrung by it. Zach’s story (a version of it, anyway) is in our lives now and as we read and comment on it, we must emphatically reject his mom’s delusional narrative which depicts her still-young, still-promising son as a disposable person who will diminish until he ceases to exist.
“How are you doing in school?”;
“How are you feeling?”;
“What do you want to do this year?”;
“Do you think there any changes we should make, as a family?”
“What makes you happy, these days?”
I don’t see how, but you’d never think of that, if you simply read this book and took the author at her word. Ms. Frank’s aversion to self-reflection is, literally, a phobia of hers. Great memoirs, no matter how subjective they are, must explore their objective side. Usually, that’s when self-aggrandizement is tempered by the author’s responsibility to other people. In this book, that subplot is the alternative lives of Ms. Frank and her “boy” (son who became a MAN!). Where, in Ms. Frank’s opinion, are her and her son today, if, years ago, her priorities had maintained a loving, balanced, and realistic focus? If she and her son were just now reaping the benefits of those priorities, which, by necessity, could only produce long-term rewards? We’ll never know. Ms. Frank’s cowardice outstripped her desire for a “big book” and, more importantly, a genuine relationship with a thriving, grown son. Tragic as that is, readers shouldn’t be hamstrung by it. Zach’s story (a version of it, anyway) is in our lives now and as we read and comment on it, we must emphatically reject his mom’s delusional narrative which depicts her still-young, still-promising son as a disposable person who will diminish until he ceases to exist.
January 31, 2023
Zig-Zag Boy is a beautifully written memoir. Within the first few pages, I was drawn into the story and it was hard to put down. Tonya Frank successfully shares a glimpse of what it was like for her as a mother to deal with an adult son with Psychosis. She bravely shares her struggles as she navigates health care systems in both California and the UK as she endlessly advocates for him. It was at times heartbreaking but a very worthwhile read. Frank demonstrates her fierce love for her son and the importance of being present with him through his struggles. Impressive writing. (Advanced Reader Copy received from BookBrowse)
June 2, 2023
I went into this expecting more - more info on schizophrenia, more about how it affected Zach, more on how Tanya and her family cope with the illness. I feel like this just touched the surface. It was generic. I got way more of how Tanya felt, but not how she actually managed her son's illness. Not to be judgemental, because I know, from personal experience, how hard mental illness can be on a parent, but I feel like she could've done more for her son. I also didn't like how she tried to foist Zach onto his father, who already has his own serious health issues. I kept questioning why she was trying to leave her son in a foreign country if she was so worried about his care. She also seemed to try to shelter her wife, Nance, from Zach's issues, like she thought Nance would leave her if it got too hard. I wonder why Nance wasn't more involved. Thinking about it this way, it seemed Zach was not her priority. Keeping her marriage together and not making life hard for the rest of the family seemed to be her goal. All she did was put everything on her own shoulders so she was overwhelmed. I could be totally wrong, but that's what I get from her story.
May 25, 2023
DNF pg 155
I stopped reading at the point where she called her wife "cuter than she had been in years" after she lost a fuck ton of weight due to being under incredible amounts of stress and wasn't eating.
Also this mom seems to have a weird relationship with her kid. Everything that happens to him seems to also happen to her. It feels more exploitative and self-centered than other memoirs people have written about their kids. I'm not a parent though, so what do I know. *shrug*
I stopped reading at the point where she called her wife "cuter than she had been in years" after she lost a fuck ton of weight due to being under incredible amounts of stress and wasn't eating.
Also this mom seems to have a weird relationship with her kid. Everything that happens to him seems to also happen to her. It feels more exploitative and self-centered than other memoirs people have written about their kids. I'm not a parent though, so what do I know. *shrug*
November 18, 2022
An interesting perspective on how mental health can affect more than just the person diagnosed with the condition. And how hard advocates often have to fight to get support in managing the mental health condition of a loved one.
October 24, 2024
This was a memoir about seals and Tanya's worries than schizophrenia.
Tanya had years to help herself and her son, but not until a year or so ago did she finally look to psychology to help. But only for her anxiety. Like, why? She could have taught herself psychology from the very beginning and try to understand schizophrenia and herself in order to help her son, for him and herself to cope better, but nope. She instead is going to "cure him" believing in the end-all be-all fruit juices or exercises or God, instead of simply talking to her son and bonding, which wouldn't have cured him but it sure as hell would have helped him feel accepted and understand how to live with schizophrenia better instead of pumping him with drugs and banishing him somewhere where she can only worry about him, but not take him home even though he is struggling, and then pray to God that He helps instead of ACTUALLY HELPING HER SON. People are so delusional.
Tanya had years to help herself and her son, but not until a year or so ago did she finally look to psychology to help. But only for her anxiety. Like, why? She could have taught herself psychology from the very beginning and try to understand schizophrenia and herself in order to help her son, for him and herself to cope better, but nope. She instead is going to "cure him" believing in the end-all be-all fruit juices or exercises or God, instead of simply talking to her son and bonding, which wouldn't have cured him but it sure as hell would have helped him feel accepted and understand how to live with schizophrenia better instead of pumping him with drugs and banishing him somewhere where she can only worry about him, but not take him home even though he is struggling, and then pray to God that He helps instead of ACTUALLY HELPING HER SON. People are so delusional.
April 9, 2025
At the library I recognized this book from my want to read list. On a “no screens allowed” day I started and finished the book. It mirrored and validated a lot of my own experiences with my daughter’s mental illness. Spoiler alert: there is no silver bullet or magic solution or even amazing medication or treatment for a lot of mental illness. It remains a devastating tragedy for many sufferers and their loved ones.
June 20, 2023
...give him a diagnosis that isn't as laden with fear & loathing.
September 5, 2023
Heartbreaking. This book will resonate with anybody who has provided care to a loved one with severe and persistent mental health issues.
March 30, 2023
A mother's story of life with her son's mental illness. Very insightful and honest.
March 4, 2023
I understand first hand the challenges, devastation,sadness emotions and life changing events that come with a family member that is suddenly diagnosed with a mental illness however this book fell flat for me. There were times when the story skipped over months and years without much details. I also didn’t gain much knowledge about the illness from her story. It mostly told of her one personal life as if writing a diary. Also it was quite surprising when she moved her son to London “assuming” the care there would be better. She didn’t do any research after being away for 2 decades. Also she felt his father should take “his turn” in caring for their son however he has COPD (a lung disease). At that point she is most likely so desperate and not thinking straight. Honestly I learned and found much more interesting the portion about the seals.
April 3, 2023
Tanya Frank takes readers on a brutally honest journey of her experience of supporting a loved one through psychosis. Tanya tugs on the heart strings of people who’s family members are different in some way- as many of these feelings and anxiety are also shared between families of the disabled population, felons, etc. Throughout this memoir, readers are encouraged to consider boundaries in tough situations when it comes to those you love. Zig zag boy reveals the reality of psychosis in day to day life and how powerful and isolating mental illness can be
July 27, 2023
This was not the perspective from which to tell this story. I felt like we saw and knew so little of what her son struggled with, and it was all about the mother’s worries. There should have been more of a balance so I could connect to her worries more.
June 1, 2023
This book was far from perfect but it was interesting and it gave a lot of insight on how mental health affects not just one person but often so many. Also a lot of insight into how broken the system is worldwide.
February 14, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to read this in exchange for an honest review.
A heartbreaking and difficult read about the author’s son’s struggle with mental health. It was hard for me to get through not only because of the upsetting content but also because the author’s writing style just was not for me. My rating does not reflect her amazing story and perseverance, but my own personal preference for writing style.
A heartbreaking and difficult read about the author’s son’s struggle with mental health. It was hard for me to get through not only because of the upsetting content but also because the author’s writing style just was not for me. My rating does not reflect her amazing story and perseverance, but my own personal preference for writing style.
September 28, 2023
I really recommend everyone read this book. It really shows the affects of a mental health condition on other people and a very long road to recovery for both sides. I felt like the author conceptualized ideas of trying to help someone you care deeply about while not hurting others you care in the process. I think that this book can really help people understand in general of the difficulty of helping someone manage their mental health condition.
September 28, 2023 Update: I have not been able to read in a while, so I read one of my favorite books again. This is a great book since she talks about her personal experience with a difficult issue. Something I did not mention before is that regardless of the situation and how hopeless she may feel, she preserves and changes along the way. This time reading this, I was able to draw parallels to my situation which left me feeling more hopeful myself. In 2023, I still think this book can help anyone understand how difficult it is helping someone to manage their mental health condition when they do not always want to help themself.
September 28, 2023 Update: I have not been able to read in a while, so I read one of my favorite books again. This is a great book since she talks about her personal experience with a difficult issue. Something I did not mention before is that regardless of the situation and how hopeless she may feel, she preserves and changes along the way. This time reading this, I was able to draw parallels to my situation which left me feeling more hopeful myself. In 2023, I still think this book can help anyone understand how difficult it is helping someone to manage their mental health condition when they do not always want to help themself.
February 24, 2023
Tanya Frank writes honestly about her son’s Zach descent into and ongoing struggle with psychosis in this searing volume. Just nineteen when he begins to be gripped with paranoid thoughts, Zach, is changed forever. Frank grapples with a gamut of emotions, from mourning and bitterness to resignation and a determination to fight for the best care for him if she can’t make him the way he was. She learns how difficult the medical and mental health care systems are to navigate and eventually relocates to her original home in England, hoping the UK health system will be better. Unfortunately, the pandemic wreaks havoc with any progress they make. Frank’s account may help family members who are also dealing with a relative’s similar diagnosis.
June 6, 2023
There's a few things that stuck out.
The very first time he was on meds, he had tardive dyskinesia. They should have warned you against this before he took it because it can become permanent. However, there are meds available for the first time ever (a few different ones), to help these symptoms.
I really related to this book. But it makes me *really* wonder if we are doing more harm to kids today, than in the past where "insensitivity" and "ignorance" generally prevailed.
My Uncle was blown up in a tank with his best friend/officer above him. He went missing for 2 months and was found in a hospital in Germany 2 months later, before being discharged home. I was born in 79. I remember he had 2 daughters that I adored but I didn't see them after I was 4/5 because he came home and became an alcoholic and his wife left with my cousins. He would get super drunk and when I was in 2nd grade, i was told to never go anywhere with him. He would call our answering machine and accuse my mom of killing her mom. (She died of melanoma/double mastectomy when my mom was preggo with me).
OH! he also had a severe trauma before the war. In rural areas in the 50's they burned their trash. His younger brother (9) was working on a go-cart and ran up to the fire my teenaged Uncle was burning. He caught on fire and died TWO MONTHS LATER when my mom was a newborn. You cannot comprehend that they did not even have medical knowledge until the 90s about interstitial spacing and how to save someone covered in burns. They scrape off the burnt skin so the bacteria that lives on your skin and other dangerous bacteria do not infect you because they eat the dead skin. Can you imagine living that long in the 50s?!
So I know this disease is based in severe trauma. Trauma is relative. I know that adding mind altering chemicals makes it a million times worse.
He was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and I was terrified I would be kidnapped in the 80s by him. I only heard the beginning of his rants and my parents arguing behind closed doors. I remember my dad getting a gun from a relative bc they thought he would hurt his kids. He was violent back then.
Then the 90's came, and the second class of antipsychotics came out. If you think 2020 psychiatry is expensive and bad, you did not see 1990's. He was court-ordered to take his meds by injection, my mother became his legal guardian (and had to leave anytime he stopped taking his meds. Its actually a symptom of the disease, like relapse is to addiction.
Now, he has over 20 year clean in AA. The cops in my town have harrassed him, especially in the beginning, but now he's like 60/70 and you feel sorry for him, because it's a sad life. All he is sad about, is that is professional daughters don't understand the disease(teacher and nurse practitioner) and refuse to talk to him, or take any money. (He worked in factories in the 80s and his hands are disabled from having 2 separate machine accidents that paid him a lot of money).
I forgave him in the 90s when my daughter was born. Because I realized he couldn't help it.
Sometimes the best treatment, is the hardest treatment. This story is so codependent and enmeshed, that it beats ANY relationship that I've seen in NA in the past 15 years. Being afraid is a symptom, because of what his mind tells him. This pretty picture you spun about the genius's being madmen, were because they were probably very rich white men that were LUCKY. Because, until the 1950's, they were thrown into "treatment" that were inhumane, crowded, dungeons and were tied up for indefinitely. They were surely mistreated, AT MINIMUM.
Sometimes you have to do the hard things to help your kids. I hated my parents at the time, but I am thankful today for some of the hard things that they made me go through. Like kicking me out at the lowest point in my life, while my sister died of cancer. This boy sounds so beautifully amazing, and it's sad that he hasn't gone through that step yet of being forced on treatment so he knows what it could be like. He hasn't had that chance. My uncle has relapsed a ton of times, but at least he got there, so he could see that he could live without the torture. Every time he slips, he goes back on them, because he at least saw what it was like on the other side.
Yeah, I'm opinionated, but I've gone through it. Yeah, I understand it's not all the same. The very minimum is Mom needs Ala-non and other support groups and get back to the US. Find University programs. Look at Uof Michigan. They take people like him all the time, and pay him for participating in treatment. They are the leaders of changing things, not drug companies and therapists who graduated decades ago. There are options that aren't being seen, because the author is sick as well.
The very first time he was on meds, he had tardive dyskinesia. They should have warned you against this before he took it because it can become permanent. However, there are meds available for the first time ever (a few different ones), to help these symptoms.
I really related to this book. But it makes me *really* wonder if we are doing more harm to kids today, than in the past where "insensitivity" and "ignorance" generally prevailed.
My Uncle was blown up in a tank with his best friend/officer above him. He went missing for 2 months and was found in a hospital in Germany 2 months later, before being discharged home. I was born in 79. I remember he had 2 daughters that I adored but I didn't see them after I was 4/5 because he came home and became an alcoholic and his wife left with my cousins. He would get super drunk and when I was in 2nd grade, i was told to never go anywhere with him. He would call our answering machine and accuse my mom of killing her mom. (She died of melanoma/double mastectomy when my mom was preggo with me).
OH! he also had a severe trauma before the war. In rural areas in the 50's they burned their trash. His younger brother (9) was working on a go-cart and ran up to the fire my teenaged Uncle was burning. He caught on fire and died TWO MONTHS LATER when my mom was a newborn. You cannot comprehend that they did not even have medical knowledge until the 90s about interstitial spacing and how to save someone covered in burns. They scrape off the burnt skin so the bacteria that lives on your skin and other dangerous bacteria do not infect you because they eat the dead skin. Can you imagine living that long in the 50s?!
So I know this disease is based in severe trauma. Trauma is relative. I know that adding mind altering chemicals makes it a million times worse.
He was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and I was terrified I would be kidnapped in the 80s by him. I only heard the beginning of his rants and my parents arguing behind closed doors. I remember my dad getting a gun from a relative bc they thought he would hurt his kids. He was violent back then.
Then the 90's came, and the second class of antipsychotics came out. If you think 2020 psychiatry is expensive and bad, you did not see 1990's. He was court-ordered to take his meds by injection, my mother became his legal guardian (and had to leave anytime he stopped taking his meds. Its actually a symptom of the disease, like relapse is to addiction.
Now, he has over 20 year clean in AA. The cops in my town have harrassed him, especially in the beginning, but now he's like 60/70 and you feel sorry for him, because it's a sad life. All he is sad about, is that is professional daughters don't understand the disease(teacher and nurse practitioner) and refuse to talk to him, or take any money. (He worked in factories in the 80s and his hands are disabled from having 2 separate machine accidents that paid him a lot of money).
I forgave him in the 90s when my daughter was born. Because I realized he couldn't help it.
Sometimes the best treatment, is the hardest treatment. This story is so codependent and enmeshed, that it beats ANY relationship that I've seen in NA in the past 15 years. Being afraid is a symptom, because of what his mind tells him. This pretty picture you spun about the genius's being madmen, were because they were probably very rich white men that were LUCKY. Because, until the 1950's, they were thrown into "treatment" that were inhumane, crowded, dungeons and were tied up for indefinitely. They were surely mistreated, AT MINIMUM.
Sometimes you have to do the hard things to help your kids. I hated my parents at the time, but I am thankful today for some of the hard things that they made me go through. Like kicking me out at the lowest point in my life, while my sister died of cancer. This boy sounds so beautifully amazing, and it's sad that he hasn't gone through that step yet of being forced on treatment so he knows what it could be like. He hasn't had that chance. My uncle has relapsed a ton of times, but at least he got there, so he could see that he could live without the torture. Every time he slips, he goes back on them, because he at least saw what it was like on the other side.
Yeah, I'm opinionated, but I've gone through it. Yeah, I understand it's not all the same. The very minimum is Mom needs Ala-non and other support groups and get back to the US. Find University programs. Look at Uof Michigan. They take people like him all the time, and pay him for participating in treatment. They are the leaders of changing things, not drug companies and therapists who graduated decades ago. There are options that aren't being seen, because the author is sick as well.
June 18, 2023
It's between 3 stars and 4 stars. This is the third book this week I've read which has mental illness of grave dimensions as the core. And in all three cases, they are written by a friend, family member, witness in the trenches- and not at all by the DSM5 diagnosis individual.
There DOES inlay a specific problem. Using association and/or extreme closeness of relationship to publish another's story. In most cases, the world being what it is- I feel this can almost always be justified- despite some sufferers themselves saying it is unfair. This time, as his Mother, most certainly the biggest "well, ok" of the 3. Best Minds and The Elissas: Three Girls -it isn't even a family member. Well, only a few posters seem to see this book too, in that slant of witness- not schizophrenia sufferer.
Regardless, that can be as terrible as the perceptions and the disease fallouts themselves. Many times individuals cannot make rational decisions for themselves. Can you guess which day they can and which they can't? But some demand an almost strictly critical and measured decision EVERY TIME and EVERY DAY. If you have not walked in their shoes- I don't understand the immense critical nature of judgments from the outside.
Saying all that, this particular book was the Mother's story. Terribly sad, and filled with all types of personal information. Some was better than most. Some not. I think she communicated how blindsided they all became. That's the most horrendous aspect, to me, that the onset of this is so often from 18-24 and just as expectations become decimated.
I learned a little about meds and their extreme inconsistencies and terrible (common) side effects.
Most of her emotional battles had to do with family relationships and much else that I really didn't want to know SO much about. Seeing that housing and much else of monetary situations was WAY above average for this situation in any country or location? And other factors too, made it a slog at points. Sad and very difficult regardless. Yet, hard to embed at the same time. Lots of times it is apples compared to oranges and not apple/apple comparisons.
At least this book told and shown (both) much of the reality of daily perceptions for a person with this form of schizophrenic illness. I also learned about that group of doctors that don't even believe it is an illness or disease. And the quacks with all types of food or mental exercises remedies.
Oh if it were only so easy. Danger and violence can ALWAYS be a product of terrified perceptions. This book didn't convey that much at all.
There DOES inlay a specific problem. Using association and/or extreme closeness of relationship to publish another's story. In most cases, the world being what it is- I feel this can almost always be justified- despite some sufferers themselves saying it is unfair. This time, as his Mother, most certainly the biggest "well, ok" of the 3. Best Minds and The Elissas: Three Girls -it isn't even a family member. Well, only a few posters seem to see this book too, in that slant of witness- not schizophrenia sufferer.
Regardless, that can be as terrible as the perceptions and the disease fallouts themselves. Many times individuals cannot make rational decisions for themselves. Can you guess which day they can and which they can't? But some demand an almost strictly critical and measured decision EVERY TIME and EVERY DAY. If you have not walked in their shoes- I don't understand the immense critical nature of judgments from the outside.
Saying all that, this particular book was the Mother's story. Terribly sad, and filled with all types of personal information. Some was better than most. Some not. I think she communicated how blindsided they all became. That's the most horrendous aspect, to me, that the onset of this is so often from 18-24 and just as expectations become decimated.
I learned a little about meds and their extreme inconsistencies and terrible (common) side effects.
Most of her emotional battles had to do with family relationships and much else that I really didn't want to know SO much about. Seeing that housing and much else of monetary situations was WAY above average for this situation in any country or location? And other factors too, made it a slog at points. Sad and very difficult regardless. Yet, hard to embed at the same time. Lots of times it is apples compared to oranges and not apple/apple comparisons.
At least this book told and shown (both) much of the reality of daily perceptions for a person with this form of schizophrenic illness. I also learned about that group of doctors that don't even believe it is an illness or disease. And the quacks with all types of food or mental exercises remedies.
Oh if it were only so easy. Danger and violence can ALWAYS be a product of terrified perceptions. This book didn't convey that much at all.
September 8, 2023
It is hard to express my overwhelming antipathy for this book; not because it is difficult to do so but rather because there is so much to object to that it's difficult to know where to begin.
I have lived through - and am living through - a situation not dissimilar to the one Ms. Frank describes. The idea of writing a memoir about my child's struggles fills me with revulsion and a deep sense of betrayal of my child's privacy and best interest; so much so that it strikes me the only people capable of such a transgression are de facto part of the problem. The entire memoir feels like a oversharing, boundary crossing violation of a lifelong solipsist. I sensed that early and Ms. Frank did nothing to disabuse me of that notion throughout the length of the short book.
The author does seem to genuinely want to help her son - which is praise worthy and important to acknowledge. Unfortunately for everyone else, that's where the help ends - at her wants and desires. She wants to help her son, but refuses to do anything that doesn't perfectly conform with her already well established beliefs about medicine, alternative medicine, psychology, psychotherapy, seals... whatever.
As someone who's walked in those shoes, let me share what I have learned:
1. Take your medicine, as prescribed. There are side effects but this isn't 1951 where it was Thorazine or psychosis. Seroquel and Lexapro are literally lifesavers.
2. Taking your medicine, as prescribed, isn't a debatable topic. You can choose not to, but you will bear the brunt of those consequences by yourself. We can discuss other medicines and trying different combinations, but until we've had years of stability, the option to not take them is one you will make alone.
3. Stop smoking marijuana/doing other drugs. Weed makes psychosis worse.
4. Be in therapy. Talk to someone who is an expert. I'm not your therapist; I'm your parent. I love you in a way that makes it impossible for me to be objective. I'm your advocate, I'm your bank, I can help you with logistics, but I ain't a mental health expert.
5. You have total freedom of choice in each of these decisions. You can choose to do otherwise; but I get to choose too. And as painful as it might be for both of us, that includes not having you in my life. I love you; I love you enough to try to stop you. But I can't do it for you.
I have lived through - and am living through - a situation not dissimilar to the one Ms. Frank describes. The idea of writing a memoir about my child's struggles fills me with revulsion and a deep sense of betrayal of my child's privacy and best interest; so much so that it strikes me the only people capable of such a transgression are de facto part of the problem. The entire memoir feels like a oversharing, boundary crossing violation of a lifelong solipsist. I sensed that early and Ms. Frank did nothing to disabuse me of that notion throughout the length of the short book.
The author does seem to genuinely want to help her son - which is praise worthy and important to acknowledge. Unfortunately for everyone else, that's where the help ends - at her wants and desires. She wants to help her son, but refuses to do anything that doesn't perfectly conform with her already well established beliefs about medicine, alternative medicine, psychology, psychotherapy, seals... whatever.
As someone who's walked in those shoes, let me share what I have learned:
1. Take your medicine, as prescribed. There are side effects but this isn't 1951 where it was Thorazine or psychosis. Seroquel and Lexapro are literally lifesavers.
2. Taking your medicine, as prescribed, isn't a debatable topic. You can choose not to, but you will bear the brunt of those consequences by yourself. We can discuss other medicines and trying different combinations, but until we've had years of stability, the option to not take them is one you will make alone.
3. Stop smoking marijuana/doing other drugs. Weed makes psychosis worse.
4. Be in therapy. Talk to someone who is an expert. I'm not your therapist; I'm your parent. I love you in a way that makes it impossible for me to be objective. I'm your advocate, I'm your bank, I can help you with logistics, but I ain't a mental health expert.
5. You have total freedom of choice in each of these decisions. You can choose to do otherwise; but I get to choose too. And as painful as it might be for both of us, that includes not having you in my life. I love you; I love you enough to try to stop you. But I can't do it for you.
May 16, 2023
If anyone ever says to you, about someone with a serious mental health diagnosis, "You just need to let them hit bottom so they will learn to pull themselves up," smack them good upside the head with this book. Then tie them to a chair and make them read it. It's short, they will be done in about four hours.
When I first saw a review of this book, I was afraid to read it. What happened to Frank's son at 18, a psychotic break, happened to my child twice, one at 18 and once at 20. I don't know whether the medications have improved in ten years, or whether we are lucky, but meds seem to be working at least so far. We have not been down the roads of stopping drugs to try nonmedical approaches, only to crash over and over. But when I let myself think about it, I do fear the future - what is the drugs stop working? what if their wife leaves them and somehow I have to have them back to live with me? what if all that happens after I have moved to a senior community and can't have them back to live with me?
Frank made herself crazy searching online for information about her son's diagnosis, which I am glad I never did because that rabbit hole never ends. She has a partner, which is both helpful and an additional person to try to be fair to.
A couple of her sentences rang out off the page as exactly my own thoughts.
"I don't want [his girlfriend] to go. I need her She is giving me a breathing space of sorts, a chance to be a different kind of me."
"Being 'good' means growing into his identity as a 'sick'person. It means me embracing that that identity, accepting it too. I hear myself say the words on the phone, in appointments, to claim benefits, to deal with health insurance. My son has a mental illness, a serious mental illness, an enduring mental illness. My son has psychosis NOS, schizoaffective disorder, paranoid schizophrenia."
In the end, this book made me feel I am not alone, and opened a window into mental illness and the health care system that I can use to show, to all the people who tell me "just let them hit bottom and learn to pull themselves up," the truth. When it comes out in paperback I will buy a few copies to keep on hand for smacking those people.
When I first saw a review of this book, I was afraid to read it. What happened to Frank's son at 18, a psychotic break, happened to my child twice, one at 18 and once at 20. I don't know whether the medications have improved in ten years, or whether we are lucky, but meds seem to be working at least so far. We have not been down the roads of stopping drugs to try nonmedical approaches, only to crash over and over. But when I let myself think about it, I do fear the future - what is the drugs stop working? what if their wife leaves them and somehow I have to have them back to live with me? what if all that happens after I have moved to a senior community and can't have them back to live with me?
Frank made herself crazy searching online for information about her son's diagnosis, which I am glad I never did because that rabbit hole never ends. She has a partner, which is both helpful and an additional person to try to be fair to.
A couple of her sentences rang out off the page as exactly my own thoughts.
"I don't want [his girlfriend] to go. I need her She is giving me a breathing space of sorts, a chance to be a different kind of me."
"Being 'good' means growing into his identity as a 'sick'person. It means me embracing that that identity, accepting it too. I hear myself say the words on the phone, in appointments, to claim benefits, to deal with health insurance. My son has a mental illness, a serious mental illness, an enduring mental illness. My son has psychosis NOS, schizoaffective disorder, paranoid schizophrenia."
In the end, this book made me feel I am not alone, and opened a window into mental illness and the health care system that I can use to show, to all the people who tell me "just let them hit bottom and learn to pull themselves up," the truth. When it comes out in paperback I will buy a few copies to keep on hand for smacking those people.
March 22, 2023
Tanya Frank's new memoir is a powerfully moving and thought-provoking account of a family affected by mental illness.
“…all the vigilance in the world cannot save or fix my boy. He has his own voice. He needs to find it again."
Tanya’s younger son, Zach, was smart, charming, curious, and loving, a UCLA student who always seemed to have a girlfriend and a group of friends. Yet one night in 2009, he suffered a schizophrenic break, convinced he was being monitored and that someone was trying to kill him.
That night launched their family into the overwhelming, emotionally draining, often-confusing, and frustrating mental health system. They quickly find there’s not one concrete diagnosis, not one proven method of treatment, not even one drug to help manage symptoms. Zach is often caught between the choice of taking drugs that have horrible side-effects or allowing his symptoms to overwhelm him.
It’s not long before Zach’s condition has strained Tanya’s relationship with her wife and their finances, and left her wondering what her approach should be. How can she abandon her son at his most vulnerable? But how can she be involved in his care and still be a good wife and a good mother to her older son? And if Zach wants her to walk away, can she? What will his future look like?
I learned a lot about schizophrenia from this book, and as someone with depression and anxiety, I did recognize some of the struggles and emotions that Zach, Tanya, and their family faced. This is beautifully written, and I felt very fortunate that Tanya was willing to share her family’s challenges.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/getbookedwithlarry/.
Check out my best reads of 2022 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2022.html
“…all the vigilance in the world cannot save or fix my boy. He has his own voice. He needs to find it again."
Tanya’s younger son, Zach, was smart, charming, curious, and loving, a UCLA student who always seemed to have a girlfriend and a group of friends. Yet one night in 2009, he suffered a schizophrenic break, convinced he was being monitored and that someone was trying to kill him.
That night launched their family into the overwhelming, emotionally draining, often-confusing, and frustrating mental health system. They quickly find there’s not one concrete diagnosis, not one proven method of treatment, not even one drug to help manage symptoms. Zach is often caught between the choice of taking drugs that have horrible side-effects or allowing his symptoms to overwhelm him.
It’s not long before Zach’s condition has strained Tanya’s relationship with her wife and their finances, and left her wondering what her approach should be. How can she abandon her son at his most vulnerable? But how can she be involved in his care and still be a good wife and a good mother to her older son? And if Zach wants her to walk away, can she? What will his future look like?
I learned a lot about schizophrenia from this book, and as someone with depression and anxiety, I did recognize some of the struggles and emotions that Zach, Tanya, and their family faced. This is beautifully written, and I felt very fortunate that Tanya was willing to share her family’s challenges.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/getbookedwithlarry/.
Check out my best reads of 2022 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2022.html
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