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Real Friends Talk About Race: Bridging the Gaps Through Uncomfortable Conversations – A Prescriptive Self Help Book for Navigating Race Relations and Allyship
Real Friends Talk About Race is an essential guide for those who want to have stronger interracial relationships —whether it’s with friends, colleagues, or loved ones.
Having conversations about race is uncomfortable. But for progress between individuals (and our communities) to happen, we need to be able to speak openly and honestly. Podcast hosts of The Kinswomen Yseult and Hannah use their own friendship and experiences from different racial backgrounds to offer guidance on navigating these layered conversations.
In Real Friends Talk About Race , the duo share their two perspectives on the ways in which culture, history, and white supremacy have prevented us from having the skills to build trust and healthy relationships across race. Yseult and Hannah approach these topics with love and candor—calling readers in (not out ) to confront hard realities and their own internalized biases, while also sharing prescriptive advice, encouragement, and a sense of community.
Real Friends Talk About Race is a must-read for anyone looking to listen, learn, and feel empowered to have meaningful conversations about race.
Having conversations about race is uncomfortable. But for progress between individuals (and our communities) to happen, we need to be able to speak openly and honestly. Podcast hosts of The Kinswomen Yseult and Hannah use their own friendship and experiences from different racial backgrounds to offer guidance on navigating these layered conversations.
In Real Friends Talk About Race , the duo share their two perspectives on the ways in which culture, history, and white supremacy have prevented us from having the skills to build trust and healthy relationships across race. Yseult and Hannah approach these topics with love and candor—calling readers in (not out ) to confront hard realities and their own internalized biases, while also sharing prescriptive advice, encouragement, and a sense of community.
Real Friends Talk About Race is a must-read for anyone looking to listen, learn, and feel empowered to have meaningful conversations about race.
- GenresNonfictionRace
272 pages, Hardcover
Published April 4, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
June 29, 2025
A Millennial/Gen Z primer on interracial dynamics in an age of resurgence of white supremacy. Very smart, a little wordy and a little naiveté in a way that compels optimism in the face of reality and history. I like seeing this energized optimism and I sincerely hope the next generations make more headway in these important and often discouraging time in American history. We are at an inflection point. The hope is that acceptance of diversity, equity and inclusion will reign. More to come...
4 Stars
Read on kindle. Lots of highlights and quotes!
4 Stars
Read on kindle. Lots of highlights and quotes!
April 21, 2023
Great read on interracial friendship and the importance of talking about race with all friends!! Highly recommend
April 24, 2023
Wyte people need this book in their lives and we need to talk about race. Instead of hiding it. Hiding it doesn't allow for inequalities to take form. Because they are out there. Worth it!
October 11, 2023
An important, thought-provoking read.
July 14, 2025
I give this book 3 stars. There’s a lot of good points here for starting the conversation that I really appreciated (I made my highlights visible). And I believe the book was written for white women, which I think is good. But I didn’t love it.
My biggest gripe is the use of bipoc incessantly. BIPOC is a term used to group non white people, but it has an “othering” aspect that I loathe. I hate when Black people use it as a qualifying term for white people to use. I do not give permission to be othered by white people, and I think Black people that do this cause more harm than help.
There were other issues that I took from this book towards the end where the author discusses that Black people were the main ones on the receiving end of social support (on social media), but never addresses the fact that that’s where the support usually ends. Let’s talk about how when Asian people were being attacked during Covid and a law was swiftly passed to protect them? Or when other persecuted groups were given reparations, but descendants of the enslaved Africans and victims of KKK, Jim Crow, etc are still being denied not only justice but reparations (and in some cases, humanity) of any kind? To bring up social media support, which is where support for Black people tends to begin and end, and compare that to other groups that have received some semblance of justice is not only annoying, it’s misguided and ignorant!
At a certain point one of the authors is discussing her perspective/experience as a white woman being married to a Black man and she is encouraging him to take better care of his skin. He says to her “Stop policing my Black body!” I swear I almost fell out laughing. I mean, I did laugh out loud, but then I got annoyed. Why would he say that to her? She wasn’t picking out his clothes, or making him exercise, or only feeding him from a prescribed list of foods that she authored. Would he say this to a white doctor? If his mother was white, would he say this to her? Like, dude is looking for a way to get out of taking care of himself and using racism as a means to an end. And this girl, looking to be a good ally, accepts this bull (hook, line, and sinker) because she doesn’t want to appear to be racist. Now, when he’s got melanoma, he’ll wish he would’ve wore the damn sunblock!
Lastly, and this might not settle well with some, but one of the authors of this book is a Black woman that isn’t native to the US. I don’t think that this means that she couldn’t have experienced racism, that’s silly bc it’s everywhere. But I do think that as a person from Rwanda, she never experienced the trauma in her DNA from generations of racism and dehumanization present in today’s Black Americans. I believe that that particular nuance is so important and shouldn’t be overlooked. Chattel slavery and Jim Crow did a number on us that we’re still suffering from it’s effects TODAY and if you weren’t raised in that ever present shadow, there’s a lot that you cannot possibly be able to convey no matter how Black you are.
Anyway, of the 94 other reviews mostly giving this book 4&5 stars, I will assume that the targeted audience was reached (white women who want to be better). I’m not mad at it, but I will be looking for a better book on this topic.
My biggest gripe is the use of bipoc incessantly. BIPOC is a term used to group non white people, but it has an “othering” aspect that I loathe. I hate when Black people use it as a qualifying term for white people to use. I do not give permission to be othered by white people, and I think Black people that do this cause more harm than help.
There were other issues that I took from this book towards the end where the author discusses that Black people were the main ones on the receiving end of social support (on social media), but never addresses the fact that that’s where the support usually ends. Let’s talk about how when Asian people were being attacked during Covid and a law was swiftly passed to protect them? Or when other persecuted groups were given reparations, but descendants of the enslaved Africans and victims of KKK, Jim Crow, etc are still being denied not only justice but reparations (and in some cases, humanity) of any kind? To bring up social media support, which is where support for Black people tends to begin and end, and compare that to other groups that have received some semblance of justice is not only annoying, it’s misguided and ignorant!
At a certain point one of the authors is discussing her perspective/experience as a white woman being married to a Black man and she is encouraging him to take better care of his skin. He says to her “Stop policing my Black body!” I swear I almost fell out laughing. I mean, I did laugh out loud, but then I got annoyed. Why would he say that to her? She wasn’t picking out his clothes, or making him exercise, or only feeding him from a prescribed list of foods that she authored. Would he say this to a white doctor? If his mother was white, would he say this to her? Like, dude is looking for a way to get out of taking care of himself and using racism as a means to an end. And this girl, looking to be a good ally, accepts this bull (hook, line, and sinker) because she doesn’t want to appear to be racist. Now, when he’s got melanoma, he’ll wish he would’ve wore the damn sunblock!
Lastly, and this might not settle well with some, but one of the authors of this book is a Black woman that isn’t native to the US. I don’t think that this means that she couldn’t have experienced racism, that’s silly bc it’s everywhere. But I do think that as a person from Rwanda, she never experienced the trauma in her DNA from generations of racism and dehumanization present in today’s Black Americans. I believe that that particular nuance is so important and shouldn’t be overlooked. Chattel slavery and Jim Crow did a number on us that we’re still suffering from it’s effects TODAY and if you weren’t raised in that ever present shadow, there’s a lot that you cannot possibly be able to convey no matter how Black you are.
Anyway, of the 94 other reviews mostly giving this book 4&5 stars, I will assume that the targeted audience was reached (white women who want to be better). I’m not mad at it, but I will be looking for a better book on this topic.
March 27, 2023
I want to thank both Yseult Mukantabana and Hannah Summerhill for writing such a wonderful book and Goodreads for providing me with a free advanced copy.
Real Friends Talk About Race actually took me longer to read than I expected. This is not the type of book that you can just read in one sitting. It took me time to go through the book and reflect on what I read. Some of the content did in fact make me feel a little "uncomfortable". I understand that those are the areas that I need to take a little more time to work on.
As a person, I do not like confrontation. I try to avoid it as much as possible. However, as I matured through the years, I realized that my silence made me complicit when it came to some things. I have been reading a lot of books to help me be more prepared to speak out. It is actually one of the reasons that I had taken an interest in this book.
Real Friends Talk About Race is full of references and book recommendations. I have started listening to Kinswomen and have really enjoyed the guests that they have on their show. This book was written in a way that honors the voices of both of the authors. I appreciated the fact that Hannah was able to admit her issues and state that perfection is something that we will not achieve or aim for. This cause is a daily act of learning and growing. It helps me with my anxieties of doing or saying something wrong. I know that it is going to happen but taking accountability will help me learn and grow from my experiences.
I think in reality I have always been what the authors and others would consider a performative ally. That is mostly due to the fact that I do not like confrontation. I have been slowly changing over the years but I think the big change for me occurred after the murder of Ahmaud Arbery. I am a runner. I love to run. I run everywhere. Being a female, I never run alone. That in itself is another issue. However, I never felt in danger running in different neighborhoods, parks, cities, or states. We just pick a place and go. To see a man murdered for running while black was really disturbing for me. Something has to change. I know I will not be the answer. However, if I can be more active, talk to people, show my friends and family how to be more involved, my "community" can make a difference.
Thank you so much for the book. I will share it and hopefully try to initiate conversations with my friends.
Real Friends Talk About Race actually took me longer to read than I expected. This is not the type of book that you can just read in one sitting. It took me time to go through the book and reflect on what I read. Some of the content did in fact make me feel a little "uncomfortable". I understand that those are the areas that I need to take a little more time to work on.
As a person, I do not like confrontation. I try to avoid it as much as possible. However, as I matured through the years, I realized that my silence made me complicit when it came to some things. I have been reading a lot of books to help me be more prepared to speak out. It is actually one of the reasons that I had taken an interest in this book.
Real Friends Talk About Race is full of references and book recommendations. I have started listening to Kinswomen and have really enjoyed the guests that they have on their show. This book was written in a way that honors the voices of both of the authors. I appreciated the fact that Hannah was able to admit her issues and state that perfection is something that we will not achieve or aim for. This cause is a daily act of learning and growing. It helps me with my anxieties of doing or saying something wrong. I know that it is going to happen but taking accountability will help me learn and grow from my experiences.
I think in reality I have always been what the authors and others would consider a performative ally. That is mostly due to the fact that I do not like confrontation. I have been slowly changing over the years but I think the big change for me occurred after the murder of Ahmaud Arbery. I am a runner. I love to run. I run everywhere. Being a female, I never run alone. That in itself is another issue. However, I never felt in danger running in different neighborhoods, parks, cities, or states. We just pick a place and go. To see a man murdered for running while black was really disturbing for me. Something has to change. I know I will not be the answer. However, if I can be more active, talk to people, show my friends and family how to be more involved, my "community" can make a difference.
Thank you so much for the book. I will share it and hopefully try to initiate conversations with my friends.
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October 26, 2023 Real Friends Talk About Race
As a person who hasn’t read that much and has finished this book, I have many good things to say about this book. My experience reading “Real Friends Talk About Race” was very time-consuming before I could read it. I felt like reading a new book completely out of the regular genre that I usually read because I wanted to try something new with different perspectives. I like to read books about real-life problems that are not talked about enough. I was very persuaded by reading the summary in the back of the book.
If you’re looking for a book about Discrimination and Race Relations, Social activist biographies, People of Color Heritage, Communication, and Social Skills this is an excellent read. “Real Friends Talk About Race” picks up a very strong topic. But I feel that many problems of racism in any culture aren’t talked about enough in a lot of books and that’s why I like it. This book is about 2 women, one is black and one is white and they tell each other their differences in the world and they bond over knowing more about each other's differences and feelings about it. Instead of making fun of each other's cultures, they embrace it by acknowledging one another’s problems and making them comfortable to talk about. It picks up uncomfortable discussions that need to be talked about that the world is scared to talk about.
“Real Friends Talk About Race” reminds me of the movie “The Hate You Give”.The reason why it gives off “The Hate You Give” is because it gives off a story about racism and how everyone has different perspectives but also how it’s best to not look at people in different lights just because you do something differently. It gives off the different relationships with couples, friendships, family, and colleagues and to have a stronger interracial relationship and be comfortable about it.
“Real Friends Talk About Race” comes off with topics with deep affection and honesty, it persuades the readers to approach and come face to face with to the difficult realities and their own personalized unfairness. It also shares guidance, inspiration, and a sense of togetherness.
As a person who hasn’t read that much and has finished this book, I have many good things to say about this book. My experience reading “Real Friends Talk About Race” was very time-consuming before I could read it. I felt like reading a new book completely out of the regular genre that I usually read because I wanted to try something new with different perspectives. I like to read books about real-life problems that are not talked about enough. I was very persuaded by reading the summary in the back of the book.
If you’re looking for a book about Discrimination and Race Relations, Social activist biographies, People of Color Heritage, Communication, and Social Skills this is an excellent read. “Real Friends Talk About Race” picks up a very strong topic. But I feel that many problems of racism in any culture aren’t talked about enough in a lot of books and that’s why I like it. This book is about 2 women, one is black and one is white and they tell each other their differences in the world and they bond over knowing more about each other's differences and feelings about it. Instead of making fun of each other's cultures, they embrace it by acknowledging one another’s problems and making them comfortable to talk about. It picks up uncomfortable discussions that need to be talked about that the world is scared to talk about.
“Real Friends Talk About Race” reminds me of the movie “The Hate You Give”.The reason why it gives off “The Hate You Give” is because it gives off a story about racism and how everyone has different perspectives but also how it’s best to not look at people in different lights just because you do something differently. It gives off the different relationships with couples, friendships, family, and colleagues and to have a stronger interracial relationship and be comfortable about it.
“Real Friends Talk About Race” comes off with topics with deep affection and honesty, it persuades the readers to approach and come face to face with to the difficult realities and their own personalized unfairness. It also shares guidance, inspiration, and a sense of togetherness.
December 29, 2023
This book is a valuable guide for anyone navigating relationships across different races – whether in friendships, dating, work, or other professional interactions. Alternating between Yseult and Hannah's perspectives, it presents a well-organized narrative about their lives, friendship, and journey into anti-racism work. The stories and ideas these two women share about race, inequality, and justice are particularly crucial for those interested in anti-racist work.
Initially, distinguishing between the two voices was a bit confusing due to the lack of clear markers, but as I continued reading, it became clearer. I was able to distinctly discern each of their voices. The book serves as a helpful guide on how to be a better ally in interracial relationships, blending intelligence with easy reading, much like a conversation with socially aware friends. It's both informative and enjoyable, with humor being especially helpful in addressing such a challenging topic. Additionally, their willingness to call each other out when wronged adds a valuable layer to these discussions. Both Hannah & Yseult put in the work for this one!
Whether you're aiming to be a better ally, improve cross-racial relationships, or live an anti-racist life, this book is essential. As a woman of color, I sincerely hope others give it a try and apply what they learn in both their personal and work relationships.
Initially, distinguishing between the two voices was a bit confusing due to the lack of clear markers, but as I continued reading, it became clearer. I was able to distinctly discern each of their voices. The book serves as a helpful guide on how to be a better ally in interracial relationships, blending intelligence with easy reading, much like a conversation with socially aware friends. It's both informative and enjoyable, with humor being especially helpful in addressing such a challenging topic. Additionally, their willingness to call each other out when wronged adds a valuable layer to these discussions. Both Hannah & Yseult put in the work for this one!
Whether you're aiming to be a better ally, improve cross-racial relationships, or live an anti-racist life, this book is essential. As a woman of color, I sincerely hope others give it a try and apply what they learn in both their personal and work relationships.
December 24, 2023
This book was fantastic*: concise, eloquent, and robust in their ability to weave the racism embedded in larger structures with racism that punctuates our daily lives. I recommended this book to friends before even finishing it. *Taking this book's advice to have hard conversations, and recognizing that "it is not easy looking at where we are from, especially if it's not as pretty and great as you were told it was," (pgs. 216-217), I urge the authors to confront the reality of apartheid in Israel, and how the Israeli government has relied on the very system of colonial white supremacy that oppressed Jews to enact their own colonial violence and genocide against Palestinians. This book was published before October 7, but any foray into the history of Palestine reveals that the ethnic cleansing, forced removal, and brutality against Palestinians has been blatant and ongoing for over 75 years. I was surprised to see this absent despite recurring discussion of Israel, especially when Israel was presented as more agreeable for Yseult than Belgium or the US. I recommend anyone curious about the painful dynamic to read David Pellow's chapter on the Israeli occupation of Palestine in "What is Critical Environmental Justice?" (2017) as a sensitive and thoughtful place to start.
I hope this conversation comes out in the book's second edition.
I hope this conversation comes out in the book's second edition.
June 9, 2023
I enjoyed this book and the ideas and thoughts on race and white supremacy in the United States. However, I am from Ohio (not a deep south state) and we have so many race issues that we are not even close to getting to a spot of having friends talk about race. There was a quote in the book "You have to know where you are from to know about where you're going." In my gerrymandered state lead by conservative christian males, we have never taught where we came from and now are banning school books and school curriculum that might shed light on these race issues. I wish most people in the United States were in a position to advance on the ideals of the book but I fear most states are like mine denying we have had or do have race issues. My state needs to start on a more basic level and hopefully will someday get to the ideals advanced by this book.
January 1, 2024
As a white woman who aspires to become fully anti-racist, I often seek out books about the process. I had slightly mixed feelings about this one -- I gained some useful perspectives; I enjoyed the "two voice" framing of the book (Yseult is black; Hannah is white); and I came away with some concrete ideas for change. But at times, the book is a bit of a slog -- there is a lot of repetition and narration without clear direction, and several times I put it down, intending to give up on it, before deciding to push through and skim to the next new insight. I think I would have enjoyed it more (and been more likely to really read it) if it had been about half as long and edited a bit more tightly.
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July 23, 2024Oh how much I appreciated this book and all of the important messages it discussed about race! I also particularly found this book as a great learning experience, because of how hearing the topic of race from a white author and a black author (they are both co writers of this book) broadened my perspective and empathy regarding the multitude of issues and emphatic actions that were addressed in this book! Would highly recommend this book for any human being to read!!🫶
September 25, 2023
wonderful discussion on issues of race in America. Looks at a lot of categories of conflict and how it affects BIPOC in all places. It will have you questioning, where do we go now? How do we make this Not our norm. What helps, what hurts. Give it a read, open your eyes and your hearts, All are human beings of the one and only Race.
November 11, 2023
I had never heard of the Kinswomen podcast! I was recommended this book and then jumped into a chapter by chapter online book club discussion, which, ironically, fizzled.
The whole basis of this book is interracial communication, and the format is alternating text between each of the Kinswomen, Yseult and Hannah. It's really well organized, informative, and often insightful. Highly recommended.
The whole basis of this book is interracial communication, and the format is alternating text between each of the Kinswomen, Yseult and Hannah. It's really well organized, informative, and often insightful. Highly recommended.
June 27, 2024
I gave this 4 stars because it’s an important topic, it’s very thought provoking and was the root of some good conversations. I don’t agree with everything, but I absolutely realize our experiences are all different and it is still something that needs to be talked about.
May 26, 2026
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ 4 stars
An important novel on talking about race with friends. Very bold and creates a lighthearted sense of optimism for the future of interracial friendships!
Book club read with work for the month of May/June 🫶🏼
An important novel on talking about race with friends. Very bold and creates a lighthearted sense of optimism for the future of interracial friendships!
Book club read with work for the month of May/June 🫶🏼
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April 1, 2023Discrimination & Race Relations, Social Activists Biographies & Autobiographies, People of Color Cultural Heritage, Communication & Social Skills
April 27, 2023
Honest, vulnerable, and relatable!
March 10, 2024
The genesis of the friendship which created this book and the stories shared provide thought-provoking reading.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews