What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Young : The Art and Science of Growing Up

by Rachel Sylvester

A superb study ... brilliant stories, hilarious observations and jaw dropping revelations about so many figures in public life we thought we knew - but never understood' EMILY MAITLIS

Loss and adversity are part of the human condition, but an imperfect past isn't always an indicator of what's to come.



This book traces a pattern: why is it that often the people with the hardest beginnings in life - children who experience displacement, disease, financial ruin, abandonment or bereavement - become the most successful adults? And is there something to learn from those people, who perhaps have the strongest sense of what matters most?


Of Britain's fifty-five prime ministers, twenty-five lost one or both of their parents as a child and 69 per cent suffered some form of serious childhood trauma. For their acclaimed podcast Past Imperfect, Thomson and Sylvester spoke to some such prime ministers, as well as pioneers and poets, CEOs and chefs, actors and archbishops, sports stars and Nobel prize-winning scientists. How did Richard Branson overcome severe dyslexia? How did Daphne Park, born in lonely, rural Tanzania, become one of Britain's top spies? How was diver Tom Daley driven on to win an Olympic gold medal by being bullied at school and his father's early death?


This book brings together psychological research with scores of intimate, fascinating interviews. The resulting narrative is full of hope, and might help us all towards a better understanding of resilience, motivation, perspective and courage.

Genres: Nonfiction

288 pages, Paperback

Published May 22, 2022

Reviews

[Liisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

“What I Wish I’d Known When I Was Young” by Rachel Sylvester and Alice Thomson is a fascinating and deeply researched exploration of how adversity shapes success. It doesn’t just celebrate those who have excelled—it also acknowledges the harsh realities many children and adults face when navigating similar struggles.

Why do those with the hardest beginnings—displacement, disease, financial ruin, abandonment, bereavement—so often rise to extraordinary success? And what can we learn from them? Through interviews with prime ministers, Olympians, spies, scientists, and CEOs, Sylvester and Thomson uncover the power of resilience, motivation, and perspective.

The book is structured around key themes—resilience, defiance, originality, and perspective—each offering insight into how hardship can forge strength. But what lingers most is the generosity of the interviewees: their willingness to share raw, painful, and deeply personal experiences. Their stories are a gift, reminding us that while adversity can break us, it can also propel us forward.

Someone told me this week that 50% of the population cannot feel empathy—offered as an explanation for the rise of intolerance, discrimination, and hate. But I prefer this quote from Maya Angelou, which challenges us to act with empathy:

“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.”

A compelling and thought-provoking read. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 stars

As an aside, I borrowed this from my local library (@brisbanelibraries ) Libraries are magic—free access to knowledge, stories, and perspectives that challenge, inspire, and expand our world. They need our love and support 📚💖

📖💭 #WhatIWishIdKnown #BookReview #Resilience #Empathy #ReadingLife #BorrowDontBuy

[Charlotte De Klerck · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.3* - Precisely the kind of book I love to read.

Focussing on the (positive AND negative) impact of trauma, this was a juicy book brimming with research and case studies. Each chapter focussed on different traits (ambition, empathy, ruthlessness, courage etc) and how these are affected by ACE’s (adverse childhood experiences).

V interesting, v engaging, v likely to recommend.

[Teao · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks borrow box for the free audio book.

This was an alright read, but wouldn’t recommend to a friend.

[Roderick Vonhogen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book shows us how many well-known people from the world of science, politics, art and entertainment often have had to deal with difficult moments and trauma in their lives. However, rather then these struggles holding them back, they became a source of motivation, inspiration or empathy that made them thrive.

I like the idea that there can be an upside to the difficulties that we may encounter in life. This does require healing though, and this book gives us examples of people that were succesful in turning things around for them. This may inspire the reader, but it is also somewhat one-sided.

The biggest downside of this book however is that it is clearly written for a UK based audience. A number of the 'celebreties' that are discussed are not that well-known in the rest of the world, which makes it harder to relate to the description of their lives and careers. The title of the book suggests a personal angle of the author that may have had a broader appeal than the book actually has.

[Little L · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good concept but suffered from flawed execution.

Some insightful comments that will be remembered but
the pacing of the book seemed off with the main thread line being comments from the famous individuals on what they would say to their younger self disappearing half way through.

The louder point the book wanted to make appeared to be that acknowledging a lasting negative impact of trauma is not an admirable trait to aspire to. Repeatedly stating in some chapters how good it was that people didn’t ‘use’ their trauma as excuses.

Encouraging positivity and promoting that there can be success out of adversity is good to share and did resonate through some of the individuals.

However ‘Success’ was always defined as a persons power or economic output and at times felt a bit like a hype list for capitalism.

[Elena Fratini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just one side of the story (the luckiest ones) and in general I tend to disagree with narratives that glamourise the disadvantages and abuse stories in a key of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Adversity does not make you a better/stronger person, it makes you a survivor, which is a totally different story.
Overall though, the analysis of its topics and how interviews are conducted and put together are very effective in seeing things from a different perspective.
There is a hint of optimism which is necessary nowadays, let’s look at the bright side every now and then.