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Legitimate Sexpectations: the power of sex-ed
Can we promise future generations a life free of sexual violence, in which their sexual wellbeing will be protected? Is this a promise we can keep?
As a sexual offences prosecutor, Katrina Marson works for an institution that can only respond, one case at a time, to sexual violence once the damage is already done. During a decade of looking back, she kept returning to a single question: what could have been done to prevent this?
In 2019 she stepped out of the justice system to travel abroad on a Churchill Fellowship, where she witnessed first-hand the power of comprehensive relationships and sexuality education to safeguard sexual wellbeing and act as a protective factor against sexual violence. Combining her coalface experience in the criminal law with her international research on sex education, Marson’s perspective is unique, looking in two directions at once.
Legitimate Sexpectations exposes the limits of the criminal justice system and the fault lines in our society when it comes to sex, sexuality, and relationships. Through storytelling that moves between heartbreak and hope, Marson makes the case for a cultural shift towards valuing sexual wellbeing and preventing sexual violence in the first place. In doing so, she calls on us all to play our part to ensure that young people’s sexual experiences are not just free from violence, but far from violent.
As a sexual offences prosecutor, Katrina Marson works for an institution that can only respond, one case at a time, to sexual violence once the damage is already done. During a decade of looking back, she kept returning to a single question: what could have been done to prevent this?
In 2019 she stepped out of the justice system to travel abroad on a Churchill Fellowship, where she witnessed first-hand the power of comprehensive relationships and sexuality education to safeguard sexual wellbeing and act as a protective factor against sexual violence. Combining her coalface experience in the criminal law with her international research on sex education, Marson’s perspective is unique, looking in two directions at once.
Legitimate Sexpectations exposes the limits of the criminal justice system and the fault lines in our society when it comes to sex, sexuality, and relationships. Through storytelling that moves between heartbreak and hope, Marson makes the case for a cultural shift towards valuing sexual wellbeing and preventing sexual violence in the first place. In doing so, she calls on us all to play our part to ensure that young people’s sexual experiences are not just free from violence, but far from violent.
272 pages, Paperback
Published August 2, 2022
23 people are currently reading
443 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
August 14, 2022
This is a very well-balanced, forward-thinking book, one that would make an excellent pair with Jess Hill’s See What You Made Me Do. I want to thrust Legitimate Sexpectations into the hands of every politician, parent, and school principal.
My full review of Legitimate Expectations is up now on Keeping Up With The Penguins.
My full review of Legitimate Expectations is up now on Keeping Up With The Penguins.
August 12, 2022
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and recommend it wholeheartedly. Here is my take:
Each chapter begins with a vignette: a short, fictional story about one or two characters navigating a negative experience of sex and relationships. The focus of these vignettes ranges from the expected (sexual assault) to the more innocuous (failing to communicate; assuming a partner’s interest or consent; and conflating unconscious, internalized assumptions with individual agency). They are examples of what not to do. They represent, Marson implores, a standard well below that which we should accept. But the real terror is in how horrifyingly acquainted we are with all these ‘bad’ experiences. Indeed, some are so mortifyingly familiar it has you questioning whether, at some point, you’d lost your teen diary and all of its undignified and humiliating revelations have somehow found their way back to you in Marson’s prose. But it is in their familiarity, and how acutely they remind us of past discomforts, that Marson makes her point. These are not ‘positive’ experiences by any means – some are downright damaging – and yet they are, one after another, typical. Why on earth have we accepted them as the standard? How on earth has “don’t rape or get raped” become the high watermark in sex education?
Other chapters are inward looking. Chapter 7, for example, titled ‘Fear and Self-Loathing’ is such a raw depiction of the secrecy and guilt that society attaches to everyday growing pains that it feels far too honest to be offered to the public domain. It identifies, with unabashed precision, the way our community cloaks us in shame about our bodies and our desires before sending us out, with neither guidance nor instruction, to navigate an adult world of sex, sexuality and relationships. The only weapons in our arsenal: “don’t do it; or if you do, don’t talk about it”. Written with exceptional compassion, and from the female perspective, that chapter offers the reader a space where they can be understood and accepted for qualities and experiences that are, at the end of the day, deeply human. Marson’s point: every child is entitled to feel that way. The question is ‘why haven’t they’?
Here, Marson offers insight, masterfully identifying the individual motivators and external pressures that drive these off-colour experiences with clarity and, most critically, without judgment. Marson's perspective permits the reader to recognise themselves in the characters. It's a combination of wine with the girls, an educative symposium, and a session at therapy. Above all, it's a deeply empathetic reflection on the human experience and an almost anthropological observation of what contributes to our consistent and collective failure to achieve sexual wellbeing for our young people. But in identifying and labelling these influences, the reader begins to hope: perhaps now we can do better.
It is at this juncture that Marson introduces her research on sex and relationships education - informed by ten years’ experience in the criminal justice system and her own international research. Juxtaposed against each short story, the answer seems so blindingly obvious. Marson’s conclusions become inescapable. We must educate our young people (and probably ourselves) that sexual wellbeing is not simply an absence of sexual violence – it is the achievement of positive and fulfilling experiences about sex and relationships. Rather than focusing on avoiding the bad, we should set our collective sights on only accepting the good. And we should send this message clearly, loudly and consistently. The bad will fall away naturally in pursuit of that goal, and we have so much more to gain from it. In Marson's words, anything short of that is a betrayal.
With much gratitude to Marson for my own enlightenment, I recommend the book highly.
Each chapter begins with a vignette: a short, fictional story about one or two characters navigating a negative experience of sex and relationships. The focus of these vignettes ranges from the expected (sexual assault) to the more innocuous (failing to communicate; assuming a partner’s interest or consent; and conflating unconscious, internalized assumptions with individual agency). They are examples of what not to do. They represent, Marson implores, a standard well below that which we should accept. But the real terror is in how horrifyingly acquainted we are with all these ‘bad’ experiences. Indeed, some are so mortifyingly familiar it has you questioning whether, at some point, you’d lost your teen diary and all of its undignified and humiliating revelations have somehow found their way back to you in Marson’s prose. But it is in their familiarity, and how acutely they remind us of past discomforts, that Marson makes her point. These are not ‘positive’ experiences by any means – some are downright damaging – and yet they are, one after another, typical. Why on earth have we accepted them as the standard? How on earth has “don’t rape or get raped” become the high watermark in sex education?
Other chapters are inward looking. Chapter 7, for example, titled ‘Fear and Self-Loathing’ is such a raw depiction of the secrecy and guilt that society attaches to everyday growing pains that it feels far too honest to be offered to the public domain. It identifies, with unabashed precision, the way our community cloaks us in shame about our bodies and our desires before sending us out, with neither guidance nor instruction, to navigate an adult world of sex, sexuality and relationships. The only weapons in our arsenal: “don’t do it; or if you do, don’t talk about it”. Written with exceptional compassion, and from the female perspective, that chapter offers the reader a space where they can be understood and accepted for qualities and experiences that are, at the end of the day, deeply human. Marson’s point: every child is entitled to feel that way. The question is ‘why haven’t they’?
Here, Marson offers insight, masterfully identifying the individual motivators and external pressures that drive these off-colour experiences with clarity and, most critically, without judgment. Marson's perspective permits the reader to recognise themselves in the characters. It's a combination of wine with the girls, an educative symposium, and a session at therapy. Above all, it's a deeply empathetic reflection on the human experience and an almost anthropological observation of what contributes to our consistent and collective failure to achieve sexual wellbeing for our young people. But in identifying and labelling these influences, the reader begins to hope: perhaps now we can do better.
It is at this juncture that Marson introduces her research on sex and relationships education - informed by ten years’ experience in the criminal justice system and her own international research. Juxtaposed against each short story, the answer seems so blindingly obvious. Marson’s conclusions become inescapable. We must educate our young people (and probably ourselves) that sexual wellbeing is not simply an absence of sexual violence – it is the achievement of positive and fulfilling experiences about sex and relationships. Rather than focusing on avoiding the bad, we should set our collective sights on only accepting the good. And we should send this message clearly, loudly and consistently. The bad will fall away naturally in pursuit of that goal, and we have so much more to gain from it. In Marson's words, anything short of that is a betrayal.
With much gratitude to Marson for my own enlightenment, I recommend the book highly.
January 6, 2023
Let me start by saying that I do think this book is a very important and worthwhile read!! I wholeheartedly agree with everything the author has to say, and the importance of giving much better quality sex and relationships education cannot be overstated
Unfortunately, I really wanted to love this book, but it the writing was repetitive, rambling, and lacked structure for me, and I found myself struggling to read this book and battling to the end of each chapter.
As I said an important and worthwhile read, but an effort to get through
Unfortunately, I really wanted to love this book, but it the writing was repetitive, rambling, and lacked structure for me, and I found myself struggling to read this book and battling to the end of each chapter.
As I said an important and worthwhile read, but an effort to get through
March 11, 2023
I don’t think I have ever been so convinced by a piece of writing about a topic I had previously not thought much about. Young people deserve better relationship and sex education. Marson is an expert on this topic and the justice system as it pertains to sexual assault. Her arguments are clear and convincing and the research speaks for itself at times. Parents, teachers and policy makers simply have to read this book. Once you do, you’ll be ready to fight this fight. Young people deserve so much more on this front than they’re getting.
April 21, 2024
This book was very informative, it gave great info and perspective about sex education around the world and what Australia should be doing differently.
I especially enjoyed the inclusion of the short stories at the beginning of each chapter to provide examples of "grey areas" within sexual relationships, and Marson's ability to use those stories as jumping off points for further nuanced discussion.
I did find some parts of the book repetitive and sometimes hard to get through, especially towards the end of the book and final chapters.
I especially enjoyed the inclusion of the short stories at the beginning of each chapter to provide examples of "grey areas" within sexual relationships, and Marson's ability to use those stories as jumping off points for further nuanced discussion.
I did find some parts of the book repetitive and sometimes hard to get through, especially towards the end of the book and final chapters.
December 10, 2023
SO SO IMPORTANT. GREAT THEMES BUT AVERAGE AND REPETITIVE WRITING
I LOVED the beginning of each chapter with character vignettes and then a deep dive analysis. I didn't however care much about the jumping around with where she was studying and at what fancy place or people she talked to. Idk it just came off kinda pretentious maybe?
So many takeaways though. I just started working in sexual health promotion and all the key points in here are things I already bang on about at work but we aren't allowed to do because we work on a disease and deficit model of sexual health education in Australia. This book had me fired up about how we can slowly sneak and bend these not so radical but ultimately life changing ideas into schools. Perhaps my biggest takeaway is how much of a lottery sexual health education is in Australia. I didn't realise how much freedom schools have to bend RSE to their liking. And how this can cause many issues if you have two young people engaging in any sort of relationship, their experiences of RSE can be soooo different. How do we then expect young people to know how to have healthy relationships?
TAKEAWAYS:
- IMPORTANT QUESTIONS; What expectations do we have of the way we behave in a sexual encounter? What do we expect of how sexual violence unfolds and why it happens? How do we expect our institutions to respond? What expectations do young people have of their futures?
ON SEXUAL VIOLENCE;
- More than half of aus women have experienced sexual violence since they were 15 and 1 in 20 men since 15. And keep in mind these are chronically underreported. And the numbers have only gotten worse over time.
-Sexual violence does not exist in a vacuum. It sits on a spectrum, kept alive by the apparently ordinary things we believe about sex, sexual behaviour, power, and violence. Kept alive by attitudes and values we hold, sometimes unthinkingly.
- It is a product of us. None of us woke up one day with the ability to navigate sex and relationships. The knowledge and skills we needed didn't spontaneously manifest, like a reward for getting to the end of puberty.
- Language of UNWANTED SEX is important for YP, many of whom do not recognise certain experiences as sexual violence or coercion, but rather as unwanted. eg; wanting to please a partner, believing we must meet our sexual partners needs to keep their interest, or competing with other women to keep the males attention (eg; must give blow job) peer pressure to be sexually active etc. For sexual wellbeing, every moment counts. We need to reflect on the grey to chart a different course.
- How is she to recognise when she is in an unwanted encounter when we have taught her she isn't supposed to want sex anyway?
-DECOLONISING SEX ED; RSE should aim to mitigate concepts built on hetero-cis normativity, shame around sex etc as they are colonial and patriarchal concepts
- Comprehensive RSE in AUS must be co designed with First Nations people - ensure cultural appropriateness. BUT it cannot be TOKENISTIC. it must be meaningful.
- International research shows RSE must include;
- based on human rights approach
-adapted to age and developmental stage and spread out over several years of education; talk soon, talk often.
- holistic concept of wellbeing
- gender equality, right to self determination, acceptance of diversity
- promote positive approach to human sexuality
- provide scientifically accurate info
- aim to increase knowledge, develop values, norms, and build behavioural skills
AUS RSE
- currently built on deficit and reactionaryism, born of concerns about disease, dysfunction or protection of victims.
- Aus national curriculum has some guidance for states and territories, but lack of calirty means students have wildly varying and inconsistent RSE
- no regulated standards to ensure educators properly qualified to deliver RSE (WTF!!)
- YP say they want more info on relationships, intimacy, sexual pleasure and love (DARE WE ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE WE TEACH THIS INFO??) groundbreaking.
- codesign needs to happen way more. we live in a society where we do not value YP the same as adults. there is a hierarchy.
- consent needs to be interwoven with what is a good friendship, what is a good relationship! consent in isolation wont build transferable skills. We also teach YP that to be good is to be compliant (be polite, do as your father asked)
- Is there any other area where we educate solely on what not to do? did we learn to tie our shoes by our parents showing us what not to do? I FKN LOVE THIS
- It is critical for YP to see the adults in their everyday lives talking about sex. So it is part of their ordinary classroom experience. Google more about RUTGERS in the Netherlands, how they do RSE
- Kids with disabilities are pulled from RSE classes in AUS. If they don't access RSE, many don't have any sex ed. No way to be empowered, develop, or have positive images of sex.
ON REJECTION
- when elliots mum says to him 'they don't know what they're missing' when he gets rejected by a girl, she may not understand shes actually suggesting to him that he is being hard done by girls, instead what if she says 'you wont always be liked by everyone, and you need to respect that, but when someone really does want to be with you, it is a wonderful feeling and worth the wait' Lets equip our YP with the knowledge and skills to deal with rejection healthily. This changed mindset could ensure that elliott cares more about whether the girl actually really liked him rather than hoping she would if she got to know him better'. I FKN LOVE THIS. These everyday sayings we say to YP without thinking, like this one, could mean that Elliot thinks women owe him something, and that was taken away. You can see through reading these things in this book how sexual violence is bred.
- The parent could have also explained the power imbalances of the girl being younger and spoken about that. Power imbalance impacts our ability to communicate freely, to advocate for what we want. lets teach YP this! Also freeze response is so important to teach, that not saying anything when being sexual could be freeze, the person is actually afraid, not impartial.
- Triangle of education; teachers, parents and adolescents = more encouraging results in RSE
- We treat sexual rejection as a fate worse than death
- our horror of rejecting them feels worse than simply putting up with the experience until its over. JUST SAY NO assumes that people always no exactly what they want; that they will always use the word no, and that its an easy word to use. Our desires don't sit on a binary of what we do and don't want, our feelings don't pop up with labels telling us exactly what they are.
- We regularly resort to other language to soften the blow, like 'i don't know' and 'im not sure'
- Teach; that someone you love and trust, who otherwise treats you well, may still try to coerce, manipulate, or guilt you into to doing something you don't want to do, and that its not justified by all the other good stuff in the relationship.
ON FINDING THE CLITORIS
- there's an anxiety not to kill the mood or offend by offering direction. Is there any other social interaction where we rely so wholly on reading another mind, especially when it involves touching them? intimately? ABSOLUTE BOOM
ON PLEASURE
- If you don't talk about pleasure, you get objectification of the act.
- YP deserve to hear us speak openly about sex in a positive, healthy, respectful way. and the truth! that people have sex because it feels good. otherwise the GREY area pops up; where consent is mere permission to access rather than active participation
- In London they have 'Respect Yourself' a country wide approach, developed by the county council public health team - google this later - reminder. They deliver in house designed classes, as a social enterprise rather than private organisations. reliant on funding and school budgets. In it to make a difference not money.
- How do you advocate for what you don't want if you have no concept of what you DO want, or are even entitled to want? How do you find your way to greener pastures if you don't know what they look like or where they are?
SCOMO
- Our prime minister actually fkn said that a particular sex ed program made his skin curl and he sent his girls to private school to avoid such programs (HOW WAS THIS OUR PRIME MINISTER WTF)
- Access to info should not be a lottery, it should be a guarantee
ON SEXUAL SHAME
-we feel such embarrassment when a sex scene come on tv in the family living room, so much so that someone has to leave
- 5 year olds told adults the name of their genitals, describing this as naughty. kids understand naughty as something bad, disobedient, wicked.
- Important to teach RSE early so YP do not see their bodies as a source of shame and embarrassment
- Telling YP about the reality of the world, the full spectrum of human experience, doesn't confuse them.
- YP feel weird to be interested in sex when its so clinical.
- Another vignette I liked was Leons. When we taught him that he was entitled to sex, that it was something that he was owed in the power structures that privilege him above everyone else. we normalised this in our language, in our stories, our songs, films, shows, even in our jokes. "I fucked her' rather than 'we fucked' she is the gatekeeper of HIS sexual experience.
ON NON HETERO RSE
- We are taught that men always want sex. When a gay couple go to have sex, and the other says no, the character Xavier explores the concept, that it never occurs to him that men might be the ones who want to say no, Xavier feels unequipped to navigate this situation. He believes he shouldn't want to say no.
-Much pron and sex scenes in films reinforce hetero, penetrative sex as the standard, no different to sex ed classes that do the same.
-YP know porn isn't realistic, the issue is there's no alternative. Just because you know what not to do doesn't then mean you just know what to do. And RSE must depict neurodiversity and disability, because sexual wellbeing belongs to everybody. AUS disability strategy 2021-2031 makes no positive commitment to RSE - absolutely appalling.
I LOVED the beginning of each chapter with character vignettes and then a deep dive analysis. I didn't however care much about the jumping around with where she was studying and at what fancy place or people she talked to. Idk it just came off kinda pretentious maybe?
So many takeaways though. I just started working in sexual health promotion and all the key points in here are things I already bang on about at work but we aren't allowed to do because we work on a disease and deficit model of sexual health education in Australia. This book had me fired up about how we can slowly sneak and bend these not so radical but ultimately life changing ideas into schools. Perhaps my biggest takeaway is how much of a lottery sexual health education is in Australia. I didn't realise how much freedom schools have to bend RSE to their liking. And how this can cause many issues if you have two young people engaging in any sort of relationship, their experiences of RSE can be soooo different. How do we then expect young people to know how to have healthy relationships?
TAKEAWAYS:
- IMPORTANT QUESTIONS; What expectations do we have of the way we behave in a sexual encounter? What do we expect of how sexual violence unfolds and why it happens? How do we expect our institutions to respond? What expectations do young people have of their futures?
ON SEXUAL VIOLENCE;
- More than half of aus women have experienced sexual violence since they were 15 and 1 in 20 men since 15. And keep in mind these are chronically underreported. And the numbers have only gotten worse over time.
-Sexual violence does not exist in a vacuum. It sits on a spectrum, kept alive by the apparently ordinary things we believe about sex, sexual behaviour, power, and violence. Kept alive by attitudes and values we hold, sometimes unthinkingly.
- It is a product of us. None of us woke up one day with the ability to navigate sex and relationships. The knowledge and skills we needed didn't spontaneously manifest, like a reward for getting to the end of puberty.
- Language of UNWANTED SEX is important for YP, many of whom do not recognise certain experiences as sexual violence or coercion, but rather as unwanted. eg; wanting to please a partner, believing we must meet our sexual partners needs to keep their interest, or competing with other women to keep the males attention (eg; must give blow job) peer pressure to be sexually active etc. For sexual wellbeing, every moment counts. We need to reflect on the grey to chart a different course.
- How is she to recognise when she is in an unwanted encounter when we have taught her she isn't supposed to want sex anyway?
-DECOLONISING SEX ED; RSE should aim to mitigate concepts built on hetero-cis normativity, shame around sex etc as they are colonial and patriarchal concepts
- Comprehensive RSE in AUS must be co designed with First Nations people - ensure cultural appropriateness. BUT it cannot be TOKENISTIC. it must be meaningful.
- International research shows RSE must include;
- based on human rights approach
-adapted to age and developmental stage and spread out over several years of education; talk soon, talk often.
- holistic concept of wellbeing
- gender equality, right to self determination, acceptance of diversity
- promote positive approach to human sexuality
- provide scientifically accurate info
- aim to increase knowledge, develop values, norms, and build behavioural skills
AUS RSE
- currently built on deficit and reactionaryism, born of concerns about disease, dysfunction or protection of victims.
- Aus national curriculum has some guidance for states and territories, but lack of calirty means students have wildly varying and inconsistent RSE
- no regulated standards to ensure educators properly qualified to deliver RSE (WTF!!)
- YP say they want more info on relationships, intimacy, sexual pleasure and love (DARE WE ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE WE TEACH THIS INFO??) groundbreaking.
- codesign needs to happen way more. we live in a society where we do not value YP the same as adults. there is a hierarchy.
- consent needs to be interwoven with what is a good friendship, what is a good relationship! consent in isolation wont build transferable skills. We also teach YP that to be good is to be compliant (be polite, do as your father asked)
- Is there any other area where we educate solely on what not to do? did we learn to tie our shoes by our parents showing us what not to do? I FKN LOVE THIS
- It is critical for YP to see the adults in their everyday lives talking about sex. So it is part of their ordinary classroom experience. Google more about RUTGERS in the Netherlands, how they do RSE
- Kids with disabilities are pulled from RSE classes in AUS. If they don't access RSE, many don't have any sex ed. No way to be empowered, develop, or have positive images of sex.
ON REJECTION
- when elliots mum says to him 'they don't know what they're missing' when he gets rejected by a girl, she may not understand shes actually suggesting to him that he is being hard done by girls, instead what if she says 'you wont always be liked by everyone, and you need to respect that, but when someone really does want to be with you, it is a wonderful feeling and worth the wait' Lets equip our YP with the knowledge and skills to deal with rejection healthily. This changed mindset could ensure that elliott cares more about whether the girl actually really liked him rather than hoping she would if she got to know him better'. I FKN LOVE THIS. These everyday sayings we say to YP without thinking, like this one, could mean that Elliot thinks women owe him something, and that was taken away. You can see through reading these things in this book how sexual violence is bred.
- The parent could have also explained the power imbalances of the girl being younger and spoken about that. Power imbalance impacts our ability to communicate freely, to advocate for what we want. lets teach YP this! Also freeze response is so important to teach, that not saying anything when being sexual could be freeze, the person is actually afraid, not impartial.
- Triangle of education; teachers, parents and adolescents = more encouraging results in RSE
- We treat sexual rejection as a fate worse than death
- our horror of rejecting them feels worse than simply putting up with the experience until its over. JUST SAY NO assumes that people always no exactly what they want; that they will always use the word no, and that its an easy word to use. Our desires don't sit on a binary of what we do and don't want, our feelings don't pop up with labels telling us exactly what they are.
- We regularly resort to other language to soften the blow, like 'i don't know' and 'im not sure'
- Teach; that someone you love and trust, who otherwise treats you well, may still try to coerce, manipulate, or guilt you into to doing something you don't want to do, and that its not justified by all the other good stuff in the relationship.
ON FINDING THE CLITORIS
- there's an anxiety not to kill the mood or offend by offering direction. Is there any other social interaction where we rely so wholly on reading another mind, especially when it involves touching them? intimately? ABSOLUTE BOOM
ON PLEASURE
- If you don't talk about pleasure, you get objectification of the act.
- YP deserve to hear us speak openly about sex in a positive, healthy, respectful way. and the truth! that people have sex because it feels good. otherwise the GREY area pops up; where consent is mere permission to access rather than active participation
- In London they have 'Respect Yourself' a country wide approach, developed by the county council public health team - google this later - reminder. They deliver in house designed classes, as a social enterprise rather than private organisations. reliant on funding and school budgets. In it to make a difference not money.
- How do you advocate for what you don't want if you have no concept of what you DO want, or are even entitled to want? How do you find your way to greener pastures if you don't know what they look like or where they are?
SCOMO
- Our prime minister actually fkn said that a particular sex ed program made his skin curl and he sent his girls to private school to avoid such programs (HOW WAS THIS OUR PRIME MINISTER WTF)
- Access to info should not be a lottery, it should be a guarantee
ON SEXUAL SHAME
-we feel such embarrassment when a sex scene come on tv in the family living room, so much so that someone has to leave
- 5 year olds told adults the name of their genitals, describing this as naughty. kids understand naughty as something bad, disobedient, wicked.
- Important to teach RSE early so YP do not see their bodies as a source of shame and embarrassment
- Telling YP about the reality of the world, the full spectrum of human experience, doesn't confuse them.
- YP feel weird to be interested in sex when its so clinical.
- Another vignette I liked was Leons. When we taught him that he was entitled to sex, that it was something that he was owed in the power structures that privilege him above everyone else. we normalised this in our language, in our stories, our songs, films, shows, even in our jokes. "I fucked her' rather than 'we fucked' she is the gatekeeper of HIS sexual experience.
ON NON HETERO RSE
- We are taught that men always want sex. When a gay couple go to have sex, and the other says no, the character Xavier explores the concept, that it never occurs to him that men might be the ones who want to say no, Xavier feels unequipped to navigate this situation. He believes he shouldn't want to say no.
-Much pron and sex scenes in films reinforce hetero, penetrative sex as the standard, no different to sex ed classes that do the same.
-YP know porn isn't realistic, the issue is there's no alternative. Just because you know what not to do doesn't then mean you just know what to do. And RSE must depict neurodiversity and disability, because sexual wellbeing belongs to everybody. AUS disability strategy 2021-2031 makes no positive commitment to RSE - absolutely appalling.
August 15, 2022
Such a beautiful articulation of what sex ed is, how is works and the profound impact it can have when we utilise it and teach it well. It pulls together such important themes and demonstrates practical steps to take action in education. The vignettes at the start of each chapter truly help you picture how certain elements of sex ed could have avoided an unwanted sexual experience, removed a young person's shame or transformed how they think about sex, sexuality, power and gender roles. These scenarios are so useful and really set the scene for actual situations young people would be in and how they would act. This book is something that teachers and leadership teams at school need to read as well as parents and those in government. We can all take so much away from it.
October 31, 2024
Oh my god! What an inspiring book! As a sex educator this was a MUST READ. Not only is it insightful and a powerful reminder of the work that still needs to be done, it’s given me some personal development on how I can approach these conversations in a classroom, debunk what I’m teaching and provide insightful and correct answers to a number of questions!
I’m forcing my father, who is a high school teacher, to read this book in hopes that the current students at my high school are provided a better sex education than I did.
I’m forcing my father, who is a high school teacher, to read this book in hopes that the current students at my high school are provided a better sex education than I did.
August 10, 2023
4.5 stars.
A well-researched, highly relevant book. The only reason I didn’t rate it 5 stars is because I felt the writing got a little repetitive / ramble-y at times.
A well-researched, highly relevant book. The only reason I didn’t rate it 5 stars is because I felt the writing got a little repetitive / ramble-y at times.
October 24, 2023
This is excellent.
August 2, 2022
This is a must read book!
October 30, 2022
The first surprise is couched in structure. All credit to the writer and editing team of Legitimate Sexpectations for devising such an interesting way to bring home the key points. Each chapter starts with a hook – a dilemma structured from two points of view, a problematic narrative that gives us an insight into the nuances of sex and consent. We feel for each fictional character and it’s the empathy that wins us over. Empathy and psychological context imparts dignity to the characters’ conundrums and helps us shift from a judgmental mindset to a more curious one. In the second section of each chapter, we travel with Katrina to all the waypoints on her Churchill fellowship journey. We meet with learned experts whose teaching points relate to the narrative we’ve just read. In a third section Katrina provides analysis enlivened by the plight of characters that we’ve come to understand.
A second surprise is its nexus with so many facets of my own work. My day job is analysing child safety policies and culture in sport. In this industry we ask questions about how we can make children feel psychologically safe enough to speak out about abuse in sport. What we chase is the language for children to express when things feel out of shape and how to bring those points home to adults. We work on the awareness of boundaries, and a child’s courage and confidence to assert those boundaries. When they don’t learn these things, they are at greater risk of harm.
Katrina hands me a new way of seeing the inter-connectively of these two fields so that we are no longer working in silos but in lockstep enterprises.
I see this as a visionary piece in its clarion call to action, a work of literature that puts our entire community on notice. Sexual relationships must be demystified. Shame must be spotlighted so that it loses its power. Ignorance can and must be overcome. The cost of shutting out this important work is nothing short of criminal.
A second surprise is its nexus with so many facets of my own work. My day job is analysing child safety policies and culture in sport. In this industry we ask questions about how we can make children feel psychologically safe enough to speak out about abuse in sport. What we chase is the language for children to express when things feel out of shape and how to bring those points home to adults. We work on the awareness of boundaries, and a child’s courage and confidence to assert those boundaries. When they don’t learn these things, they are at greater risk of harm.
Katrina hands me a new way of seeing the inter-connectively of these two fields so that we are no longer working in silos but in lockstep enterprises.
I see this as a visionary piece in its clarion call to action, a work of literature that puts our entire community on notice. Sexual relationships must be demystified. Shame must be spotlighted so that it loses its power. Ignorance can and must be overcome. The cost of shutting out this important work is nothing short of criminal.
September 30, 2022
The Australian doctrine of “legitimate expectation” refers to the burden that government decision-makers and legislators have in fulfilling what is legally and/or ethically required of them.
In this insightful book, sex crimes prosecutor Katrina Marson exposes the inherent failures of the global education system in effectively investing in proper and more importantly—helpful— sex education in schools, homes and communities. Through critically analysing society’s preconceived notions of sex, sexual wellbeing & sexual violence, as well as reflecting on her own experiences within the criminal justice system, Marson reinforces the causal relationship between ineffective sex education and subsequent unwanted sexual experiences/sexual violence, and ultimately pleads for a collective cultural shift when it comes to discussions surrounding sex, sexuality and sexual wellbeing.
There is so much to unpack with this book! “Legitimate Sexpectations” was a fascinating read that was both thought-provoking and easy to follow. Through integrating storytelling and academic research, Marson provides a compelling argument regarding the ineffectiveness of abstinence-only education, the taboo of teaching sex as more than a means for reproduction, the multifaceted damage of porn, the misconstrued idea of ‘violent rape’ vs ‘unwanted sex’ and ultimately, the foundational impact of proper sex-ed in fostering healthy sexual relationships, minimising sexual violence/unwanted sex, and facilitating a pro-active rather than reactive approach when it comes to sex and sexual wellbeing.
This book is a rallying cry for our government, our schools and our homes to stop failing the young generation when it comes to understanding the nature of sex. A highly recommended read!
In this insightful book, sex crimes prosecutor Katrina Marson exposes the inherent failures of the global education system in effectively investing in proper and more importantly—helpful— sex education in schools, homes and communities. Through critically analysing society’s preconceived notions of sex, sexual wellbeing & sexual violence, as well as reflecting on her own experiences within the criminal justice system, Marson reinforces the causal relationship between ineffective sex education and subsequent unwanted sexual experiences/sexual violence, and ultimately pleads for a collective cultural shift when it comes to discussions surrounding sex, sexuality and sexual wellbeing.
There is so much to unpack with this book! “Legitimate Sexpectations” was a fascinating read that was both thought-provoking and easy to follow. Through integrating storytelling and academic research, Marson provides a compelling argument regarding the ineffectiveness of abstinence-only education, the taboo of teaching sex as more than a means for reproduction, the multifaceted damage of porn, the misconstrued idea of ‘violent rape’ vs ‘unwanted sex’ and ultimately, the foundational impact of proper sex-ed in fostering healthy sexual relationships, minimising sexual violence/unwanted sex, and facilitating a pro-active rather than reactive approach when it comes to sex and sexual wellbeing.
This book is a rallying cry for our government, our schools and our homes to stop failing the young generation when it comes to understanding the nature of sex. A highly recommended read!
June 13, 2024
4.5 ⭐️💫
This has been my favourite resource so far on what comprehensive sexuality education looks like. It was very nuanced and explored different factors in decision making by young people in their approaches to sexuality. I thought the vignettes used in this book were very effective in getting readers to consider which aspects lack in common concepts of sexual pleasure and consent. It highlighted the deficiencies in sex Ed models that solely focus on harm prevention, whether harm comes in the form of infections or outright sexual violence. With the societal focus on consent, it can feel easy to reduce relationship and sex ed to consent education, but Legitimate Sexpectations explored how this can be inadequate. It also stressed the importance of involving the communities that sex Ed is targeted at to ensure it is effective. The book was a bit repetitive at times but was an easy read that challenged some of my existing ideas on what sexuality education should look like.
This has been my favourite resource so far on what comprehensive sexuality education looks like. It was very nuanced and explored different factors in decision making by young people in their approaches to sexuality. I thought the vignettes used in this book were very effective in getting readers to consider which aspects lack in common concepts of sexual pleasure and consent. It highlighted the deficiencies in sex Ed models that solely focus on harm prevention, whether harm comes in the form of infections or outright sexual violence. With the societal focus on consent, it can feel easy to reduce relationship and sex ed to consent education, but Legitimate Sexpectations explored how this can be inadequate. It also stressed the importance of involving the communities that sex Ed is targeted at to ensure it is effective. The book was a bit repetitive at times but was an easy read that challenged some of my existing ideas on what sexuality education should look like.
January 16, 2023
Definitely a must-read for everyone! Marson makes a great case for why Relationships and Sexuality Education is an absolute necessity for youth of today. Without RSE future generations will continue to suffer and be victims of SA. I learnt more from this book in terms of relationships than I did throughout the entirety of high school and that speaks volumes. Overall, this book was an eye-opening and incredible read (albeit a little repetitive and unstructured in some sections hence 4 stars instead of 5)
April 8, 2023
This was a really hard read but really worthwhile.
I wish desperately that more men would read this book, would teach these things to their sons, so that fewer adults like me would recognise themselves in the painfully accurate scenarios at the beginning of each chapter.
Heartbreaking, necessary reading for everyone.
I wish desperately that more men would read this book, would teach these things to their sons, so that fewer adults like me would recognise themselves in the painfully accurate scenarios at the beginning of each chapter.
Heartbreaking, necessary reading for everyone.
April 11, 2024
Real important book and message. Liked the vignettes, but didn’t care for the travel memoir segues. I also got a bit lost in the acronyms and a lack of direction in the middle.
It’s so frustrating that Australia is so behind the world (in this and other important social issues) and we’re letting our children down as a result. We can do better, and we must.
It’s so frustrating that Australia is so behind the world (in this and other important social issues) and we’re letting our children down as a result. We can do better, and we must.
September 28, 2022
Truly inspirational
A very clear and passionate message which needs to heard by everyone. Thank you for this book, personally due to my early encounters and professionally so that I can more effectively guide and educate young people about their sexual wellbeing.
A very clear and passionate message which needs to heard by everyone. Thank you for this book, personally due to my early encounters and professionally so that I can more effectively guide and educate young people about their sexual wellbeing.
November 13, 2022
A really good discussion of the need for quality comprehensive sex ed at schools. I'm sure that anyone choosing to read this book would already be convinced of that need though. I wish the other people would read it.
December 19, 2022
An effective read about the importance of comprehensive relationship and sexuality education. This clearly articulated a lot of things I already know, while also drawing out a few new or fresh perspectives. Important stuff and nicely intersectional.
January 21, 2023
Great project with concrete (fictional) examples of sexual encounters that become vehicles to draw lessons from - my only gripe is that it’s repetitive and rambles at times and could use some editing/culling.
September 17, 2023
This book clearly articulates that we owe our young people better RSE. Imagine not ever having to hear “I wish I knew this sooner” from a young person again. I was going to say educators need to hear this but I think as is pointed out, all adults need to hear this.
August 1, 2024
A brilliantly researched and engagingly written piece, highlighting the vital importance of comprehensive sex and relationship education for young people. Really should be read by everyone, but especially those with children and in education spaces.
August 23, 2022
A book every parent and teacher should read
September 4, 2022
Absolutely brilliant must read! Especially if you are a parent or work in education.
December 10, 2022
Such a powerful message so wonderfully presented.
January 28, 2023
Essential reading. Every parent, teacher, politician and health care worker needs a copy.
February 7, 2023
Really great, Marson illustrates the importance of sex education so well. It never feel like the book overloads you with information either, it's very easy to read and understand.
December 20, 2023
3.5
Repetitive however some great and important points on inclusive and holistic RSE and why it matters
Repetitive however some great and important points on inclusive and holistic RSE and why it matters
January 25, 2025
This is the book I throw at pedestrians on the street to educate the masses.
This is the book I hid in the cover of a Jordan Peterson novel and snuck into local libraries.
This is the book I use as a necklace at the rave under the Westgate Bridge.
As I've exhausted all other options for sharing this book with the world, I might as well leave a review here.
The writing is simple but precise. The style of prose is a perfect match for how to connect with reader given the triggering nature of the topic at hand. Katrina writes in a tone that reminiscent of a casual afternoon discussion over tea but from a place of profound expertise. It's conversational in nature yet it's goals read as an open challenge both to the reader and the communities we live in.
It's refreshing to read a sex-ed book that's focused on an Australian setting and up to date. I didn't need to translate the context of her advice to my country and era as it was born in and moulded by it.
The vignettes sharing the experiences of fictional characters are the essential foundation of how the book achieves its goals. They exist to inject empathy into situations that are far too often seen as morally wrong or right and ask pragmatically what could've been done to avoid harm. The answer is almost always honesty, communication and an acknowledgement of the social narratives that guide our behaviour.
I highly recommend this book for anyone remotely interested in relationships, sex, law, education or sociology. This style of book would've have been very difficult to write. The finished product is accessible, relatable and lays out a workable framework for how to improve sex education in my local area.
Lastly, it provides a wonderful space for the reader to reflect on their own sexual education and more closely examine their own beliefs and where they came from. Some passages can be confronting yet compelling. Have trust in the author to handle potentially triggering themes with poise and care.
This is the book I hid in the cover of a Jordan Peterson novel and snuck into local libraries.
This is the book I use as a necklace at the rave under the Westgate Bridge.
As I've exhausted all other options for sharing this book with the world, I might as well leave a review here.
The writing is simple but precise. The style of prose is a perfect match for how to connect with reader given the triggering nature of the topic at hand. Katrina writes in a tone that reminiscent of a casual afternoon discussion over tea but from a place of profound expertise. It's conversational in nature yet it's goals read as an open challenge both to the reader and the communities we live in.
It's refreshing to read a sex-ed book that's focused on an Australian setting and up to date. I didn't need to translate the context of her advice to my country and era as it was born in and moulded by it.
The vignettes sharing the experiences of fictional characters are the essential foundation of how the book achieves its goals. They exist to inject empathy into situations that are far too often seen as morally wrong or right and ask pragmatically what could've been done to avoid harm. The answer is almost always honesty, communication and an acknowledgement of the social narratives that guide our behaviour.
I highly recommend this book for anyone remotely interested in relationships, sex, law, education or sociology. This style of book would've have been very difficult to write. The finished product is accessible, relatable and lays out a workable framework for how to improve sex education in my local area.
Lastly, it provides a wonderful space for the reader to reflect on their own sexual education and more closely examine their own beliefs and where they came from. Some passages can be confronting yet compelling. Have trust in the author to handle potentially triggering themes with poise and care.
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