Against the Wall: My Journey from Border Patrol Agent to Immigrant Rights Activist

by Jenn Budd

Jenn Budd, the only former U.S. Border Patrol agent to continually blow the whistle on this federal agency’s rampant corruption, challenges us—as individuals and as a nation—to face the consequences of our actions. Her journey offers a vital perspective on the unfolding moral crisis of our time. She also gives harrowing testimony about rape culture, white privilege, women in law enforcement, LGBTQ issues, mental illness, survival and forgiveness.

Jenn Budd says: “I wrote Against the Wall to try to heal myself from a traumatic childhood, a sexual assault I survived while in the Border Patrol academy and a serious suicide attempt in 2015. Much like our border wall, my personal walls did not keep me safe. My trauma and the trauma I caused others only began to heal when I began tearing down my personal walls and facing my own prejudices and racism. Solving racial divisions begins with each of us. I hope my memoir will prompt more citizens to face our prejudices, dismantle institutionalized racism and be willing to listen to those we’ve harmed.”

Genres: Nonfiction

330 pages, Paperback

Published June 21, 2022

Reviews

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imperative read now more than ever. Definitely check triggers for this book though.

[Laurie Parsons Cantillo · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gutsy, gritty read about one woman’s transformation from Border Patrol to immigration rights activist. Jenn Budd is my shero—overcoming childhood abuse, the rape culture and machismo of the Border Patrol, and resulting depression and soul-searching. I appreciate her courage and raw honesty; I’m sure this was a difficult book to write. If you have any doubts about our nation’s heartless, failed policies at the border you won’t after reading her story. Budd is a brave voice for reform and represents the conscience of a nation that has forgotten we are all immigrants.

[Jennifer Cunningham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jen Budd has experienced an astounding amount of trauma. Her story will fill you with sadness, disgust, disappointment, and rage, but will also give you hope and inspiration for your own ability (as well as others’ ability) to change and make a difference. In her memoir you will dive into her Alabama childhood and her experiences with the U.S. Border Patrol in great depth. You will follow her compass of morality in every direction as she shares insights, details of corruption and abuse, as well as her personal experiences as a woman trainee and officer in a vastly sexist, racist, and xenophobic organization. You will jump from scale to scale with her on issues of freedom, rights, Justice and humanity. The details are graphic and dark because they have to be to tell this story. Her writing and narratives are extremely well put together based on her personal journaling and journey. This is well written and the audiobook feels like you are sitting in the room with her. My only critiques are that some of the border patrol issues started to seem repetitive, and I wish she’d spent more page space on her activism. Maybe that will follow in another book. Recommend if you can handle reading/hearing about significant traumas and abuse. I thought she shared and explained her realizations and observances of immigrants as a Border Agent very clearly, and how her empathies or lack thereof changed back and forth with her duties and experiences.

[Dennis Winge · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jenn Budd’s book Against the Wall is an exposé of the U.S. Border Patrol in their work in securing our southern border. Jenn’s career as a Border Patrol agent was traumatic for the abuse she encountered as a woman in an agency run and operated by many males who had little respect for women’s and human rights. She entered an agency rampant with sexual abuse toward women and the tragic aspect of this abuse is that the agency managed to coverup all abuse and such agents were never held accountable. This abuse of human rights included abuse of migrants. This inhumanity to man led Jenn to leave the Border Patrol as a very traumatized person. She later became an activist in promoting rights of migrants and trying to remedy the rape culture with the Border Patrol agency. Her book presents a very different view of migrants attempting to enter the U.S. The majority of such individuals are merely fleeing persecution by gangs in their home country and only looking to a life of safety to raise their families. Jenn's story about the Border Patrol was recently validated by an oversight committee (Project on Government Oversight) who found the agency had problems with a rape culture and domestic violence. We are fortunate that people like Jenn Budd have spoken out.

[Jocie Roller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm glad this book exists. I think it's an important testimony documenting the historical seeds of an institution that contextualizes what the country is witnessing with ICE/CBP in 2025-2026. We can only hope that this will someday be used as evidence to bring justice and accountability to this system that has been deadly and rotten since long before it was glaringly brought to the attention of the broader American public. I think it's brave and vulnerable and I think Budd shows an appropriate amount of accountability for her complicity and direct involvement with agency brutality to have earned a place in the immigration justice conversation, though that's not my decision to make.

That being said, it's long, and Budd combines elements of political persuasion with personal memoir in a way that I appreciate is probably cathartic to her and does anecdotally answer question of what compels people to pursue immigration enforcement as a career and to behave brutally in that position of power, but it needed a summarized version that meets the urgency of the current situation.

So...! in summary (in Jenn's personal experience during the six years she was a border agent from 1995-2001):

The border patrol has systemically upholds a deeply engrained rape culture that puts female agents and female migrants (and some men) in a position of double victimization, first as a victim of rape or harassment, then as a victim of relentless retaliation and coverup for reporting their crimes. Budd was raped by a fellow trainee early in her career and was forced to work alongside him and subjected to ridicule and professional setbacks after attempting to report it.

The border patrol is systemically and unapologetically racist from the language they use to talk about migrants to the decisions they make about how they enforce the laws.

The border patrol is explicitly trained to ignore civil rights laws, engage in false reporting, and to outright blame migrants for any injury, property damage, or death caused by the actions of the border patrol.

While some illegal crossing intercepted by the border patrol along the US/Mexico border involve drugs, human trafficking, and violent criminals, most are seasonal laborers and families. Many die of exposure in the brutal mountain deserts and extreme temperatures.

The wall built by President Clinton in the 1990's did not decrease the numbers of illegal border crossings along the southern border but did increase the migrant fatalities due to forcing crossings to occur in more dangerous terrain rather than developed port of entries. Most immigration policies since at least the 1990's have been purely political theater. Agents are encouraged by department heads in DC to falsify records to support a particular political narrative, and they do.

The trauma of the inhumane actions taken by the border patrol cause many agents to choose suicide, including an attempt by Budd herself in 2015.

There is rampant corruption, bribery, and negligence in the border patrol that actively make the border less secure. Agents who do intercept dangerous criminal activity (drugs, trafficking, etc.) are encouraged not to report it to avoid paperwork and scrutiny. Many agents steal drugs obtained as evidence during arrests for personal use, or to sell themselves. Many high ranking agents work in collaboration with foreign criminal organizations and gangs to ease the passage of contraband across the border.

Budd's conclusion after her experience with the agency in the late 1990's as well as her perspective as an outsider and immigrant activist through the Trump and Biden years (pre-Trump 2.0, notably) is that ICE and CBP must be abolished.

It's hard to disagree with that conclusion, but in the year 2026, I don't think you need to read this book to reach that conclusion.

[Erich C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a gripping story of a former border patrol agents life and experiences in a cruel world full of abuse, assault, and humanitarian crisis. Jenn Budd writes a harrowing tale of how our government treats vulnerable migrants. From professional conundrums to personal struggles, anyone with any sense cannot help but to admire her strength, and the compassion she has developed. If I didn't have to put the book down to go to work, I would have finished it in one sitting. It's very difficult to tear myself away from it. Critics will surely vilify this book as "woke propaganda." Allies will view this as essential reading for evaluating the society we live in, as it forces you to become aware of things to which we, in our collective comfort, haven't bothered to see. I thank Jenn Budd for pulling back the veil and revealing uncomfortable truths and exposing a criminally renegade agency of law enforcement.

[Darien Tebbe · Rating 5 out of 5]

May be the most powerful book I’ve read this year. So raw and searing, it was impossible to digest quickly. I’ll be processing it for months.

Anyone who wants to learn about the southern US border in an open honest way…should read this book. Many parts of the book are heartbreaking, nauseating, and cringy. But it’s worth getting through.

Humanity. This book reminds me the importance of shared humanity and why it must be a core value.

[Mike Przygoda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenn Budd manages to discuss the complexity and hypocrisy of our immigration laws, corruption of the Border Patrol, and her own personal traumas with grit, emotion, and empathy. She doesn't pull any punches, and she weaves tales of humanity, adventure, disappointment, and resilience with grace.

[Kirk Astroth · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible book that is wrenching to read. I had to put it down several times because it was so horrendous to read about the Border Patrol’s culture of rape and denial. Time to follow her suggestions and abolish Border Patrol land start something new and humane.

[Renee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I lost steam on it once she left the border patrol

[Sarah Eldridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Should be required reading for every American. I’m ashamed and angry and ready to help change the system.
Triggers: SA, child abuse, suicide, racism, etc.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful