Purge: Rehab Diaries

by Nicole J. Johns

Purge is a beautifully crafted memoir that has a Girl, Interrupted feel.  In this raw and engaging account of her months in rehab, Nicole Johns documents her stay in a residential treatment facility for eating disorders. Her prose is lucid and vivid, as she seamlessly switches verb tenses and moves through time. She unearths several important body image and sexuality, sexual assault and relationships, and the struggle to piece together one's path in life.  While other books about eating disorders and treatment may sugarcoat the harsh realities of living with and recovering from an eating disorder, Purge  does not hold back. The author presents an honest, detailed account of her experience with treatment, avoiding the clichéd happily-ever-after ending while still offering hope to those who struggle with eating disorders, as well as anyone who has watched a loved one fight to recover from an eating disorder.  Purge sends a though the road may be rough, ultimately there is hope.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Biography, Biography Memoir

288 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2009

About the author

Nicole is originally from rural western Pennsylvania, but now lives in the Twin Cities of Minnesota, where she teaches English at several local colleges. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Minnesota and her BA in English/Creative Writing from Penn State-Erie, The Behrend College. Her first book, Purge: Rehab Diaries (Seal Press, 2009) was nominated for ForeWord Magazine’s Book of the Year Award in memoir, and has been described by Library Journal as an “unflinching work rooted in feminist self-reflection.” Nicole has also published poems in numerous literary magazines, including The Evening Street Review, Ellipsis, and Lake Effect.

Nicole has been in recovery from Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) since 2005.

Reviews

[Imogen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, it makes me feel kind of weird that there are so many mediocre reviews of this book, when I got so completely sucked into it and read it in one morning. I mean, last night I played a show with my band at a converted biscuit factory, out in East Oakland, with two other bands and a fashion show. It was kind of emotionally draining because there was drama and THEN there was tons of traffic on route 80 so I didn't get home til like three AM, but the dog didn't care, she started flipping out somewhere between seven and eight just like she always does. So I was exhausted and resigned to not getting enough sleep, so maybe I was in a fragile place and an eating disorder memoir was exactly what I needed.

And look: I have talked shit about MFA program writers before. (Probably unnecessarily.) And Nicole Johns is an MFA writer, so I feel like I should be talking shit! But instead of using her MFA skills to write in [fake(?)-:] bland, measured sentences, and to reveal the things that are going on emotionally under the surface via careful revelation of detail, she just uses her skills to do stuff very well. She opens with a preface that's basically like 'here are all the pandering, or pat, or self-serving, or otherwise fucked up things you can do to make an eating disorder memoir horrible, and this is how I'm going to do my best to avoid them.' And then, just like, in the structuring and the way she orders her scenes, and her characters (who aren't particulaly fleshed out, which is great because they don't need to be), everything is just spot on. The scene she chooses to end on, and the way she ends it, is just like, oh my god. Whoa.

She also just does a good job of talking about how hard it is to get well (or well enough), instead of focusing on all the glamorous throwing up, and desperation, and obsessive behaviors. Like, those things are there, they're just not the focus. The focus is on the attempt to rehabilitate, and how hard that is.

Oh and also it is very funny sometimes! Y'know, bleak gallows humor or whatever.

I don't know. I just liked this book a lot.

[Boo · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75⭐️

[Lauren Hopkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fantastic, realistic, no-sugar-coating exploration of a young woman diagnosed with EDNOS who spends three months in a residential inpatient program in Wisconsin. I've read a few memoirs like this one and have never felt connected to a writer the way I have to Nicole, probably because we're close to the same age and are both perfectionistic nutbags who used school and academic life as a way to check out of real life, WHAT UP. But I've also never read anything this detailed about what it's like to deal with EDNOS before, something I've struggled with for going on 20 years and it was heartwarming??? to see someone with not only a similar experience, but almost an entirely identical experience in treatment. I enjoyed that she tried to keep it in the voice of who she was while she was suffering, though slipping through tenses made things awkward at times, and at other times it felt almost self-indulgent, like she was more interested in bragging about certain aspects of who she is than about actually telling her story. I mean, the book starts out with an intro that talks about how no other eating disorder memoir is as good as hers because, she claims, (a) the writing in every single other book that exists is TERRIBLE but hers is the best written EVER (lol what?), and (b) the other books all have beginnings, middles, and ends, which is dumb! HERS is REAL because she didn't fully recover and so there is no hopeful ending!!! Which like...cool, that's your story, but other people DO recover fully and write books. Just because you personally didn't have closure when you wrote your book doesn't mean your story is more valid than the people who waited a bit to tell their own. Lastly, there were issues and inconsistencies in terms of the timing...nothing MAJOR but one laughable error was saying a fellow resident during her treatment in 2004 was texting in a vote for Kelly Clarkson on "American Idol" when we ALL KNOW that Kelly Clarkson won in 2002. So yeah, lots of things like that as well as about 70 billion typos (seriously, multiple words in a single sentence missing letters, extra spaces and periods scattered throughout, etc) just show that this seemed rushed (blame the editor for that, I guess, but for someone who goes on and on about what a perfectionist she is, you'd think this book would be a little less riddled with mistakes). Anyway, the negative aspects really aren't so distracting that they take away from the ultimate goal of the book, which is to show someone in the throes of recovery who doesn't magically get better thanks to Jesus or a savior doctor or a revelation. She did do a great job there, and so I ignored most of what I didn't love because ultimately, it's a fascinating look at the tricky bastard that is EDNOS.

[Cari · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite good, and it's refreshing to read a book on eating disorders that focuses on the struggles of recovery, as opposed to the years of disordered behavior. (For an example of the latter, read Wasted by Marya Hornbacher. Like many other of this type, it's a veritable how-to manual for anorexia and bulimia.) Covering her inpatient stay for EDNOS, Johns presents her own view of recovery, including those there with you who fall by the wayside. Overall, quite good.

The only problem I have with Purge is the emotional detachment. There are some very tragic, very heart wrenching things discussed in this book, and yet the author holds herself aloof, as if she is unable to connect with the emotions she is giving lip service to. She makes it very clear that, during her inpatient stay, she had a very difficult time letting go and feeling her emotions - this carries over to her writing. Whether she is simply not a good enough writer to handle emotionally charged material, or whether she is still refusing to connect with her own feelings and experiences, I don't know. But it cost her two stars.

Still, recommended to the mentally disordered segment of the population, if only for an insider's view of mental health inpatient treatment. Not as scary as it seems.

[allison · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a memoir of the author's 2 months in treatment for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). It's a very fast read, and pretty interesting. The tone and point of view are really slippery, and not necessarily in a calculated way. She veers between nostalgia for her friends, disdain or distrust of her doctors, and a sort of "more mature" or "recovered" voice. But what I liked about is that she does give the reader a chance to see inside the distorted thinking that characterizes eating disorders--only a small part of which relates to body image.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

i think this is the best and smartest ED memoir i've read. it is not as self-focused as hornbacher's Wasted - possbily because it focuses not on every possible interpretation and aspect of her disorder(s), and instead focuses on a finite time and place: during her treatment in an eating disorder clinic. thus, johns gives us a larger cast of characters and presents a community of frail bodies working through multiple issues, not just one pathological extreme that shrieks me me me me me i'm so fucking fucked up. shows the positive aspects of treatment while also exposing the limits of this kind of treatment.

[Darcie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely a must-read for anyone in the field of eating disorder treatment, or for those who have a friend or family member who has struggled with an eating disorder. Johns offers a rare insight into what helped, and what didn't, as she progressed through treatment. She also describes her eating disorder in a way that helps the reader understand that it's not just ignorance or a simple, curable thought-pattern.

[Beth Medvedev]

Couldn't get past the existence of unlocked bathrooms. Where on earth was this place?

[Andrew Sydlik · Rating 4 out of 5]

Memoirs are not usually that interesting to me. I find that they sound like they’re airing baggage. They also usually lack craft or innovation. And no matter how much the author may confess to explore their own faults or wrongdoings, there is usually a tone of arrogance or self-righteousness. (See Dharma Punx, which explores two unlikely linked subjects I am interested in—Buddhism and punk rock.) Johns’ Purge: Rehab Diaries is a refreshing exception.

Most of the book involves Johns’ experience during her 88-day stay at the Eating Disorder Center, basically a voluntary psychiatric treatment center for those with Eating Disorders. While Johns could have fleshed out her experience with having an Eating Disorder, delving into her childhood and the development of her ED, I think that could have distracted from the compact focus of the book. Although I was curious to hear more about this aspect of her life, I did not feel it was necessary for the book itself.

For me, the format of the book made it an intriguing, enjoyable, and easy read. The chapters are often short, an average of two or three pages, based around a theme or experience. There are also reproductions of documents: regulations from the EDC, medical diagnoses, and Johns’ own writings. This helped to break-up the text, while also complimenting it, and establishing a sense of the atmosphere of being at a treatment center.

The first word that comes to mind to describe this book is “honest.” Johns explores the darkest parts of her life, and what it means to live with an Eating Disorder. I found none of the arrogance or self-righteousness found in other memoirs, even when she criticized others, because her criticisms are usually expressions of hurt, rather than condemnations. She also admitted times when she unfairly or immaturely lashed out at others. She does not blame others for her behavior, while also acknowledging how others have hurt or pressured her to react in self-destructive ways. Like all forms of mental illness, it isn’t as easy as blaming either someone else or one’s self, and there is no one “cause” to behavior; as Johns explains, Eating Disorders are a complex of behaviors, with a nexus of influences, beliefs, and causes.

With admittedly little knowledge of Eating Disorders, I found Johns’ approach to the subject accessible and clarifying. She dispels many of the myths about EDs, such as that only those who are underweight and malnourished suffer from them. The most significant revelation to me, however, was discovering just how extensively EDs affect both mental and physical health. I had no idea about the array of physical problems associated: heart problems, electrolyte imbalances, injuries from inability to concentrate or exhaustion and weakness.

I also did not realize the depth of psychological damage that goes along with EDs. I knew, of course, that those with EDs must have distorted body image, and to an extent not be happy with themselves. But it goes deeper than being anxious about whether you are fat. Johns felt an intense loathing of her own self that led her to try to subsist on a diet of coffee, diet soda, and diet pills, all while pushing herself to succeed in her graduates studies in English (she was working on her MFA, which included teaching duties). This inevitably led to exhaustion, hospitalization for heart problems and a concussion, and finally the need to go to the EDC.

Johns’ particular disorder is EDNOS: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. This involves aspects of both anorexia (restricting diet) and bulimia (binging and purging). I imagine that this poses a difficulty that having one or the other may not, since behavior may alternate between the two, and weight may fluctuate from underweight to overweight, making it difficult for others to tell something is wrong. Ultimately, though, Johns’ peers and students could tell her state was worsening, and confronted her about it. This seems to me to show how important it is for us to pay attention to those around us, and offer help and encouragement when we feel necessary.

The world of the EDC is a bit surreal for me. There are many rules, especially around food. But their access to many things is restricted: certain personal effects such as phones, razors, and hair spray can be accessed only with the permission of staff, and under certain circumstances. The residents’ behavior determines their privilege level. Depending on their level, they may or may not get to take walks alone outside, go on outings with staff and other residents, and have certain foods. There is also a great deal of drama: other residents having breakdowns, requiring hospitalization for health problems, in-fighting among the residents, and confrontations with staff. A cast of characters parades through the book, though it was hard for me to keep track of more than a few who were depicted in detail, and Johns seemed closest to.

However, it was interesting to see how, counter to my perhaps naïve expectations, there was not solidarity between the residents. They clearly grate on each other at times: they steal from each other, they lash out at each other for irrational reasons. And despite having an Eating Disorder in common, they are all complex people, and don’t necessarily have other things in common or share personality traits. Johns felt clearly drawn to others who were like her: intense, boisterous, and artistic, in contrast to those who were more shy, passive, and who seemed to want to get through their treatment in quiet, pedestrian ways. There is even a confrontation about team-building, to which Johns is antagonistic and resistant. This was perhaps the part of the book that I found it hardest to sympathize with Johns: though I sense she is conscious of her own irascibility here, she seems not to have lost her feeling of disdain for the whole experience.

Despite all this, Johns also describes how they supported and empathized with each other. There are a number of scenes where Johns relates her own difficulties and breakdowns, and how both other residents and staff helped her through them. Even when they broke the rules, they got each other through tough times.

The staff, too, are depicted as complex people with both good qualities and faults. Again, sometimes they were at odds, sometimes they were supportive. Johns does not hesitate to lay out what she saw as inappropriate behavior, such as when the staff acted out of homophobia by expressing concerns about her closeness with another resident, who is a lesbian (and Johns herself is bisexual). I also appreciated Johns’ candid discussion of the methods of one therapist that she considered to be unproductive or even harmful. While others may be helped by this therapists’ techniques, Johns clearly had a bad reaction to them. And while therapy should not always be easy and comfortable, there needs to be a degree of communication and responsiveness between therapist and patient that did not seem to be going on between them.

The level of self-doubt and self-loathing is most evident when Johns actually reproduces her own words through diary entries. Johns is a writer, and it is her intense dedication to writing that seems to anchor her throughout this experience. At the beginning of the book, some diary entries ring with power:
“I made myself sick and it felt really good. I liked it. I’m one sick fuck.”
“I threw up my birthday dinner.”
“My hair is falling out, my nails are a mess. I’m dizzy and on the verge of passing out a lot. I look like shit, except I’m thinner, and everyone notices and the compliments keep rolling in the more I drop. I need the muscle spasms and irregular heartbeat to stop.”
There is also a drawing that Johns did for Art Therapy, divided into two sides: one drawn by Johns showing how she thought her own body looked, the other half an actual trace of her outline by staff. The difference between the two is significant. It seems to have been a wake-up call for her.

What is surprising though is how staff claimed she (ab)used writing as a method of “purging” her emotions, rather than coping with them. She seems to give some credence to this idea. I guess that is a danger of autobiographical writing. I’m not sure whether I wholly agree with this notion; I wish there had been more discussion of it. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I am wary of memoirs, as I feel they are more purge than craft.

Johns’ experience at the EDC was fraught with a number of setbacks and relapses. She breaks rules, and sneaks off to purge. Also, she starts to spiral after her parents visit. Although she clearly feels close to her parents, they have not always understood what she is going through, and find it hard to tell others about it—one of her major causes of pain is that her parents lie to her grandparents about being at the EDC.

At another point, Johns is troubled by a painful experience in the past, in which a teacher made inappropriate advances on her. This was for me the most disturbing part of the book. Although she does not know exactly what happened because she blacked out, she remembers him groping her. The fact that she blacked out makes it likely that he drugged her, so regardless of the degree of physical violation, the fact remains that she was violated and her control over the situation was taken from her. And even though she reported it to teachers and campus authorities, he remained teaching at the school, and the whole thing was kept quiet. Aside from the actual experience, this caused a great deal of hurt and humiliation, that also fed into her Eating Disorder behaviors. Many of the other residents recount rape experiences, or have other traumas or mental illnesses besides ED. This cross-feeding of trauma and illness is one of the most difficult things about dealing with mental illness, both for the sufferers and those trying to help them.

At times, Johns’ tone is rather clinical and matter-of-fact, even when describing emotional, troubling experiences. I did not find this to be a problem, but it was a little curious. It made me wonder how differently I would feel had it been described with more feeling. Would it sound more authentic, more resonant and powerful, or would it sound too high-handed and melodramatic? It’s hard to say. For the most part, I tried to let Johns tell it the way she wanted to, and see it as a way of trying to convey what were obviously difficult feelings and events.

The book ends with her discharge: she has had moderate success in treatment, and is advised about follow-up treatment and the danger of relapse. Johns also talks about bonding with another resident, Holly, after both of them are discharged. Both have numerous relapses, Holly’s leading to her being hospitalized into an ICU for the severe problems brought on by her ED. While I can understand ending the book with this poignant scene, and the harsh reality that treatment does not usually end happily ever-after, it was a depressing way to close. Perhaps she meant it as a sobering wake-up call to take Eating Disorders seriously and realize the ways they can eat away one’s life.

[Mari · Rating 2 out of 5]

As much as I value this book to be real memories about real problems, I had hard times reading it. I could not connect to the heroine/the author, and even while I understood her problems, the story left me unemotional and, honestly, bored. From the other hand, the therapy methods described in the book drove me from "WTF are they serious?!" (psychodrama sessions and silly teambuilding games) to "WTF just WTF" (when the staff made Nicole to wear some stupid outfit to battle her perfectionism). I have got strong "fries as an appetizer" vibes - another WTF thing from another book The Girls at 17 Swann Street. I was not surprised at all that Nicole was extra angry at the end of her treatment: I was really angry too, just because of reading about such activities (maybe, I need to follow the methods from the book and go shout in woods).

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir tells about the author’s time as an inpatient in an eating disorder unit. If you want to find out what treatment in such a unit could be like, I definitely recommend this title. But there is a caveat: The author does not mince her words, and her descriptions give you a very clear idea of how she feels, what some of the inpatients do due to their own eating disorders, and sometimes parts are a bit graphic. And more often than not, I thought that she describes everything from a distance. She has made it out of the unit, without complete recovery, and can leave this chapter somehow behind. You decide if that’s good or bad. For me, it was good, because the emotional turmoil you experience in an eating disorder unit can be close to traumatic in itself, accordingly, I was quite glad she sometimes kept her distance to the events she describes. All in all, this is definitely worth reading, and for people who have friends or loved ones suffering from an eating disorder Purge could also be a helpful title.
5 out of 5 stars.

[Sam McKerrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

In my opinion this is the best book about eating disorders out there. I read it every time I start to feel pressure to lose weight, look better, thinner, or when I start to hate my body. It's a great book to ground you into the realities of an eating disorder and show the negative side effects without glossing over any uncomfortable subjects. Rather than acting on any of my anxiety or eating disorder urges, I sit, and calmly read this book until the urges pass.
It's not a book explaining how to recover or advice on what to do, but it's a great accessory in your recovery process. When you're sick of hearing how-to's and tips and guidance, it's nice to just listen to someone who really understands the ins and outs of an eating disorder and who seems to understand you in that moment. This was not my first time reading this book and it probably won't be the last since it has been such a comfort in stressful times.

[E J · Rating 2 out of 5]

The 'recovery doesn't always work' concept is something I've been looking for in an ED book for a while, but now that I've found it I'm discovering that it doesn't make for a very strong ending.
It's an "I worked hard but then it failed, I think about how we got here, The End," type thing.
I found the writing clunky, the use of tenses annoying, and the story not particularly interesting/original/valuable. I suspect that part of the problem was that it was the early 2000s, and I rarely enjoy reading this type of book from that period because the attitudes from that time have not aged well. But that's just my opinion!
I didn't vehemently hate this book but I did wish I'd found it in a library instead of buying it.

[Sarah Dean · Rating 3 out of 5]

This definitely earned props for me for being an ED book about someone who struggles with bulimic tendencies; it seems like there are a lot of memoirs and novels focusing on anorexia and seeing a narrative of someone with EDNOS was refreshing.

But I did not love it. The pacing and structure wasn't my cup of tea — modeled MUCH like Girl, Interrupted it was vaguely chronological but also had short descriptive chapters not specifically part of the timeline, or would hop sporadically back and forth, and this was more distracting to me than anything.

Definitely would get 3.5 stars for being a REALISTIC memoir of the struggle with eating disorders and how there isn't always a fun, happy, healthy ending. It's a years-long and even life-long battle.

[Kat Prince · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was basically a journal about a woman who had an eating disorder and and I didn't really enjoy it because she kept writing down the food that she was eating so it basically looked like a meal plan that you would get at your nutritionist and it was very obsessive and depressing in my opinion. It definitely isn't something anyone should read if they are trying to recover from an eating disorder. It was very triggering to read.

[James Buchanan · Rating 4 out of 5]

My daughter has suffered with a severe ED for a long time and now I feel that I have a bit more understanding of how it drives her and some of the motivations behind her actions and thinking.

A great read for anyone with someone they care about going through this dreadful disease.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir is one of the most authentic accounts I’ve read of an eating disorder experience. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there for everyone to judge. Kudos to the author for her rawness, self-awareness and her creation which I think may help many.

[Sarah Garvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trigger warning, very detailed. But someone's real story.

[Ash · Rating 3 out of 5]

A frank account of residential treatment for EDNOS (that not quite anorexia, not quite bulimia diagnosis). Fascinating if you are interested in the details and methods of eating disorder treatment.

[Agatha Glowacki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting insight into what life is like at inpatient, didn’t find writing very sophisticated. Very raw

[Paloma Martinez · Rating 2 out of 5]

Random non-ending very unsatisfying

[Alexis Hammond · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book because it talked about EDNOS which isn’t acknowledged as often as anorexia and bulimia.

[Jaye Rodriguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Felt the nostalgia creeping in and unintentionally picked a read whose author is strikingly similar; I could see myself as Nicole through the entire piece and I am thankfully I am not Holly.

[Gabriella Gallagher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly honest and raw account of what it's like to have an eating disorder and how gross bulimia is. I really hope Holly lived.

[Rachel Kramer Bussel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Purge chronicles Nicole Johns' memoir of her time in a eating disorders rehab center in Wisconsin for 88 days in 2004, when she was 23 years old, for EDNOS, a term meaning Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. The writing is stark, interspersed with clinical documents like her intake documents, guidelines from the clinic, and the $24,500 bill for her treatment ($15,500 was covered by her insurance).

While anyone who's read any other first-person accounts of eating disorders, or lived with one, will find much that's familiar here--stuffing one's feelings with food, trauma, body dismoprhia--there are several things different about Johns' story. She isn't a stick-thin anorexic, but rather a woman who's a size 9, who struggles with being at the upper end of the weight scale in the clinic. Yet by constantly purging (making herself vomit), she's wound up in the hospital and suffers from heart problems and had a concussion, along with other medical issues that will be with her for a long time, if not forever. She's also bisexual, though that isn't presented as a factor in her diagnosis; in fact, it's treated, refreshingly, as a nonissue, and seems to be a given to Johns.

When she writes things like, "My body has lost its integrity," it's something many, many women can relate to. Yet this is not a self-help book or one with a moral lesson per se. Johns is not holding herself up as an example, and in fact alludes to the danger of doing so when she writes that Marya Hornbacher's memoir Wasted is considered an "eating disorder bible" to many women suffering from eating disorders, and was banned from the treatment facility she attended.

Sometimes the point of view here is challenging, and I wished she had given us a little bit more of a glimpse of her current life, to see whether the back-and-forth nature of her attitude toward her eating disorder, which is omnipresent in the text presented, still holds. Yet Johns keeps her focus firmly on her time in treatment, with occasional hints of her growth in the years since. There are humorous moments, such as when one resident asks about the vibrator policy of the center (the therapist doesn't think they're allowed) and going skating with the elderly. There's repetition here that while probably deliberate, at times makes for tepid reading, but does mimic what surely was the repetitious days involved in her treatment.

Johns is at her best when telling the stories that are likely the most difficult for her; not the details of how and when and what she purged, but her feelings about and experiences with her family, and the possible date rape from her college advisor. These are told in a stark, direct way that serves to highlight these stories.

Purge is not an easy book, but an important one that will speak to those who've suffered eating disorders, known people who do or simply want to know more. The closing scene is a tearjerker, and highlights one of the biggest takeaways for me of Purge: the lasting, often life-threatening physical damage that can be done by bulimia. The medical reports that are included here certainly don't have the passion of her writing, but they can be just as chilling. Johns is open about how she didn't think she was doing that badly because she wasn't scrawny, and that is a reminder that one's outside appearance doesn't tell the entire story.

[Natasha Holme · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unusually written, in a wispy, poetic second person at first, the author was pulling women and men without explaining her sexuality, not even on the back cover or in the foreword, which was unexpected. Good for her.

I enjoyed the unusual writing style ... mainly in the present tense, sometimes in the future tense, somehow intimate and superficial, personal and impersonal, simultaneously. I wondered whether Nicole's use of language was intentionally disorientating? And I was conscious most of the time that she has a master's degree in Creative Writing.

This book is largely a series of brief, non-linear snapshots of the author's three months in an eating disorder treatment centre for EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, i.e. not anorexia, nor bulimia, nor compulsive eating). Amongst the entertaining, informative anecdotes: Residents are weighed facing backwards on the scales so that they don't see, and therefore obsess over, any weight gain or loss. And when instructed to line themselves up in order from lightest to heaviest, they all, including the anorexics, move to the 'heaviest' part of the line.

The story is told in imagery as well as in text. As a lover of typography, I found the artistic framework of the book to be a pleasing addition: pen markings, diary scribblings, a collage of therapeutic artwork and medical records and meal plans.

Nicole writes as someone who has recovered from an eating disorder, someone who is in recovery, and someone who will always be in recovery. That I never quite knew her position as the author, told a story in itself.

This was another book whose author's eating disorder seemed so utterly extreme, that I questioned whether I really had an eating disorder myself.

[Aayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish I could give this book a 3.5, because 3 seems too low but 4 seems too high. I guess I'll just have to live with stating that here.

Strengths: Jones is incredibly candid, which I appreciated. She tells everything the way it was, without trying to glorify or dramatize the disorder or the experience and without filling in blanks with imagined scenarios. It seems that she doesn't care if she offends, upsets, or impresses anyone in her writing, which makes it feel much more honest. Overall, it's a very intriguing look into the difficulties that the eating-disordered person may struggle with while going through rehab.

Weaknesses: I felt like the book lacked detail quite often, that Jones touched on but mainly skirted a lot of issues instead of delving into them, and that there wasn't a whole lot to tie it all together. It is almost tantalizing how she hints at the things which happened to her and the things/ways she thought, but doesn't explain very much. The ending was disappointing, as well.

Overall, I think I liked it, but I didn't come away with an overly impressed feeling.

[Mick · Rating 3 out of 5]

I finished this book in 24 hours, despite the fact that I've been having a hard time sitting down to read lately. It was really engaging. I liked her inclusion of primary documents in the text, though the layouts were a bit difficult to read.



As for the story itself, I really liked the message that the author was trying to send. She says that she is trying to avoid writing a book that will just become "thinspiration" as many memoirs by anorexic and bulimic people do. She's trying to give a very realistic perspective on what life is like in an inpatient/residential treatment setting, and I think she accomplished this very well, particularly with her inclusion of documents that outlined the specific rules right before or after she told a story about some incident that had happened.



The style flows well but the subject matter is difficult at times. The only complaint I have is that I wish that the ending wasn't so abrupt.

[Gabriel Avocado · Rating 4 out of 5]

i loved this book. it was fast and fun to read, tragic and funny in some spots, dramatic and at the same time human and real. this was by far my favorite memoir ive read recently. naturally it deals with some extremely triggering topics, including sexual assault, so please be aware of this before diving in. but if you can handle it, i highly recommend it. nicole's voice is so clear, i can pratically hear it even though ive never heard her speak.

the only things i didnt like about the book were the ending and how nicole seems to have magically gotten better. i do enjoy reading about the recovery process, the change in thinking, the return from the brink of despair. knowing she had a relapse after entering the EDC fills me with curiosity--how did she escape from that? and what happened to her friend? why just stop there?

at any rate, purge is highly enjoyable--i felt genuine happiness and sadness and despair for nicole, and it was wonderful all the way through.

[Krystal Barnard · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's hard for me to love a book about eating disorders as much as I loved Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia. However, this book is right up there with it. I enjoyed reading the experience of the author and often times felt hurt for her. I can always tell a good book if I get way too emotionally involved in it. Purge: Rehab Diaries left me in many situations when I had no idea how to put it down. It's refreshing to read something that truly depicts what an eating disorder can do to you. It goes against the cliche ending when everything is rainbows and daisies and eating is no big deal. It lets the reader know that recovery can be a struggle sometimes, but that doesn't mean it has to be the end of the road. Sometimes it's good to have a reminder of that.