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The Gift of the Unexpected: Discovering Who You Were Meant to Be When Life Goes Off Plan
In this riveting story filled with grit and grace, popular writer Jillian Benfield helps you break down the false constructs you've built around God and your identity. No matter what you're going through, you can heal from the pain and discover how your internal transformation leads to external purpose.
224 pages, Paperback
Published January 17, 2023
126 people are currently reading
539 people want to read
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March 29, 2023
Jillian is pregnant with her second child when she received the diagnosis that her son has a 99% chance of having Down Syndrome. She struggled and wrestled with feeling like her life had gone off script. She had a plan for her life that included smooth roads, ideal living conditions, and perfect children. This is her story.
If I'm being honest, I found her a bit whiny about the whole thing. I want to be gracious because everyone's story is different, but I too have experienced that call from the doctor that said your child's ultrasound showed some suspicions for Down Syndrome. I too have cried over the idea. And I would say that is where the similarities ended. I will not deny that it is hard, but it felt a bit like wallowing to me.
But even so, I felt like there were things to be learned on the journey of the unexpected until I started to realize that her theology and mine were very different. She seems to question the idea of hell, believes in millions of years, and leaves the option open for the Bible to be more good literature versus true stories.
Because of that, I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this book. I don't like to do this because I believe authors put a lot of work into their books and I want to help them succeed, but I also cannot espouse things contrary to my own beliefs.
I received this book from Bethany House and was not required to write a positive review.
If I'm being honest, I found her a bit whiny about the whole thing. I want to be gracious because everyone's story is different, but I too have experienced that call from the doctor that said your child's ultrasound showed some suspicions for Down Syndrome. I too have cried over the idea. And I would say that is where the similarities ended. I will not deny that it is hard, but it felt a bit like wallowing to me.
But even so, I felt like there were things to be learned on the journey of the unexpected until I started to realize that her theology and mine were very different. She seems to question the idea of hell, believes in millions of years, and leaves the option open for the Bible to be more good literature versus true stories.
Because of that, I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this book. I don't like to do this because I believe authors put a lot of work into their books and I want to help them succeed, but I also cannot espouse things contrary to my own beliefs.
I received this book from Bethany House and was not required to write a positive review.
March 8, 2023
I'm the middle of an uncertain season of life, currently living with a bit of "expect the unexpected" mindset as I wait to see how things will unfold. I was drawn to this book, hoping to find encouragement for my journey. I'd never heard of Jillian Benfield before and knew only as much about the book as the back cover told me.
This is the story of Jillian and her husband finding out that their unborn son had Down syndrome. Initially shattered by this news, Jillian shares the transformation that she and her family have gone through to welcome and include Anderson into their family, knowing he is exactly as God created him to be, disabilities and all. At the end of each chapter, Jillian offers prompts for personal growth and reflection on the reader's own journey through unexpected turns of life.
I think this book might have better been suited as a memoir or more geared toward younger people. Jillian writes with honesty about how her life before Anderson was privileged and her mindset was ignorant—those are her words. The privilege and ignorance and charmed life were extremely off-putting and made it hard to look at someone that immature for any kind of guidance. She also talked about her faith deconstruction, and while she always pointed people back to God, the language used was confusing and I would not be able to support the theology she presented. Later she talks about getting into political activism, which was yet another area I found extremely unhelpful for my own life.
I will say that Jillian models growth, and holds the balance of sharing her past with its imperfections without shame while also admitting she was wrong and telling you how she pressed through to a new worldview. That takes a lot of humility and vulnerability.
Though this book was a miss for me, I can see this blessing young readers who come from a similar background to Jillian, or people who have followed Jillian's journey.
I received my copy of the book from the publisher. All thoughts in this review are my own.
This review originated at http://reviewsbyerin.dreamwidth.org
This is the story of Jillian and her husband finding out that their unborn son had Down syndrome. Initially shattered by this news, Jillian shares the transformation that she and her family have gone through to welcome and include Anderson into their family, knowing he is exactly as God created him to be, disabilities and all. At the end of each chapter, Jillian offers prompts for personal growth and reflection on the reader's own journey through unexpected turns of life.
I think this book might have better been suited as a memoir or more geared toward younger people. Jillian writes with honesty about how her life before Anderson was privileged and her mindset was ignorant—those are her words. The privilege and ignorance and charmed life were extremely off-putting and made it hard to look at someone that immature for any kind of guidance. She also talked about her faith deconstruction, and while she always pointed people back to God, the language used was confusing and I would not be able to support the theology she presented. Later she talks about getting into political activism, which was yet another area I found extremely unhelpful for my own life.
I will say that Jillian models growth, and holds the balance of sharing her past with its imperfections without shame while also admitting she was wrong and telling you how she pressed through to a new worldview. That takes a lot of humility and vulnerability.
Though this book was a miss for me, I can see this blessing young readers who come from a similar background to Jillian, or people who have followed Jillian's journey.
I received my copy of the book from the publisher. All thoughts in this review are my own.
This review originated at http://reviewsbyerin.dreamwidth.org
February 19, 2023
In The Gift of the Unexpected, Jillian Benfield explored how we can learn to be present in our current circumstances and how we can discover who we are at our core. She breaks the book down into three parts: seeing ourselves like God sees us, feeling our pain, and discovering who God wants us to become. In the book, she opened up about her life story and how she was once a journalist and a news anchor. Everything changed when she was 27 years old and pregnant with her second child. She recalls receiving a phone call from her husband, Andy. The doctor reached out to him to explain the prognosis. They discovered that their son, Anderson had Down syndrome. She also discussed how rocky it was when they discovered that their son had a hole in his heart that measured 4 millimeters. It ended up really being 9 millimeters and was twice the size and there was two holes once he successful received the surgery. She revealed all of the mix of the emotions and events they faced as a couple. She was very real in sharing her grief, how she believed no one would ever want a picture of their son, he might not ever fall in love or be married, or get a job, and all the other fears that may come. She described her shock and her own ignorance and how she thought at first it meant he would experience a lesser life. She explained to readers how our worth isn’t found in our jobs, accomplishments, or intellect. It can only be found in God’s love for us and we can’t do anything to add to it.
In the book, she also explored how people are treated who have a disability. In ancient times, Aristotle strongly recommended that they kill babies who had disabilities and use a method called idiot cages to separate them from others. Hitler murdered 270,000 people who had disabilities. Another example shared was about Staten Island Willowbrook, a mental institution. They were unsanitary, lacked clothing, patients suffered abuse, and patient were subjected to studies. She explained how they are seen as a disadvantage in society. She shared that, “about 78 percent of eligible adults with intellectual disabilities weren’t employed.” A major factor is how in schools they tend to separate and segregate the classrooms and how this leads to a segregated world.
I would recommend this wonderful encouraging book about learning how to navigate in raising a child who has a disability. This book was very eye opening about the challenges and the negative preceptive society has towards them. I loved how it looked at the history and how this has shaped the future. I also liked how real Jillian was in explaining what her and her husband felt and experienced when they discovered and how over time, they loved the unexpected. I loved how each chapter contained a special section entitled the gift. She also had helpful discussion questions in each chapter.
"I received this book free from the publisher, Bethany House/ Chosen for my honest review.”
In the book, she also explored how people are treated who have a disability. In ancient times, Aristotle strongly recommended that they kill babies who had disabilities and use a method called idiot cages to separate them from others. Hitler murdered 270,000 people who had disabilities. Another example shared was about Staten Island Willowbrook, a mental institution. They were unsanitary, lacked clothing, patients suffered abuse, and patient were subjected to studies. She explained how they are seen as a disadvantage in society. She shared that, “about 78 percent of eligible adults with intellectual disabilities weren’t employed.” A major factor is how in schools they tend to separate and segregate the classrooms and how this leads to a segregated world.
I would recommend this wonderful encouraging book about learning how to navigate in raising a child who has a disability. This book was very eye opening about the challenges and the negative preceptive society has towards them. I loved how it looked at the history and how this has shaped the future. I also liked how real Jillian was in explaining what her and her husband felt and experienced when they discovered and how over time, they loved the unexpected. I loved how each chapter contained a special section entitled the gift. She also had helpful discussion questions in each chapter.
"I received this book free from the publisher, Bethany House/ Chosen for my honest review.”
February 22, 2023
This book does a good job helping the reader figure out how to make it through the unexpected struggles that add a curveball to life. Jillian shares her personal story of learning at 22 weeks pregnant that she was having a child with downs syndrome, discovering that it opened her eyes to so much more than she'd ever seen before, and it helped make her a new person with more purpose than she'd ever recognized before.
The strength of the book is her view changing as her faith grew, and she learned who she is in God's eyes, and He transformed her into a new person, a new me. I found her statement in the middle of the book that she is a "learner, not a leader", an intriguing statement.
it appears to me, that when her transformation started, she was a learner, but as she learned who she is in a biblical worldview, she unexpectedly found she has more purpose with God's help, and she is a leader because she's not choosing to live burying the hard, but instead facing it, and growing, changing, and becoming an exceptionally equipped person to support others to see how their pain, suffering, struggling, when faced, and moved through, you are a new person, who can 'set it to purpose" and live into your entirety a transformed child of God, who can use the unexpected for more than we ever dreamt.
She sees this as drawing out God more and more in a personal transformation with God's support, love, and leadership.
My wonder is about some of her deconstruction-type statements that wouldn't have crossed my mind as needed in a statement of 'whether or not you see the Bible as a literal narrative or as a figurative book that is based on facts and allegory... Her end belief seems appropriate that she is looking for who God is- in all things- with His grace, in our transformations, and He helps us move. I don't know if these statements are to help others who may have not recognized that their faith is centered on Jesus and His work on the cross as man and God, but are led to faith more based on fear of hell and the law. This is the reason I gave the book 3 stars because the concepts are good but I cannot tell if in the way phrases are used, and trendy concepts like 'core' identity, and transformations are a bit extra-biblical in their innuendo. It just gives me pause.
Thankful to have partnered with Bethany House publishing to receive a copy to review and thankful for hoopla at the library that I was able to read the book and hear the book (read by the author herself) as I considered my review.
The strength of the book is her view changing as her faith grew, and she learned who she is in God's eyes, and He transformed her into a new person, a new me. I found her statement in the middle of the book that she is a "learner, not a leader", an intriguing statement.
it appears to me, that when her transformation started, she was a learner, but as she learned who she is in a biblical worldview, she unexpectedly found she has more purpose with God's help, and she is a leader because she's not choosing to live burying the hard, but instead facing it, and growing, changing, and becoming an exceptionally equipped person to support others to see how their pain, suffering, struggling, when faced, and moved through, you are a new person, who can 'set it to purpose" and live into your entirety a transformed child of God, who can use the unexpected for more than we ever dreamt.
She sees this as drawing out God more and more in a personal transformation with God's support, love, and leadership.
My wonder is about some of her deconstruction-type statements that wouldn't have crossed my mind as needed in a statement of 'whether or not you see the Bible as a literal narrative or as a figurative book that is based on facts and allegory... Her end belief seems appropriate that she is looking for who God is- in all things- with His grace, in our transformations, and He helps us move. I don't know if these statements are to help others who may have not recognized that their faith is centered on Jesus and His work on the cross as man and God, but are led to faith more based on fear of hell and the law. This is the reason I gave the book 3 stars because the concepts are good but I cannot tell if in the way phrases are used, and trendy concepts like 'core' identity, and transformations are a bit extra-biblical in their innuendo. It just gives me pause.
Thankful to have partnered with Bethany House publishing to receive a copy to review and thankful for hoopla at the library that I was able to read the book and hear the book (read by the author herself) as I considered my review.
June 11, 2023
Such an encouraging read as a special needs mom, but I'd recommend this book to anyone whose life has taken a much different turn than expected, who wants to find God's redemptive beauty within their dark, confusing, life-changing chapters. In this book each chapter ends with excellent reflection questions based on Who was I then? Who am I now? and Who do I want to become?
"The unexpected can leave us feeling helpless and full of anything but choice. We didn't choose the loss, we didn't choose the abuse, we didn't choose this. But after a time of sitting in the dark, a time of experiencing the natural repercussions of the unexpected, a time of physically going through the aftermath, there will come a time of choice.
We get to choose if we'll do the internal work of facing our history, if we'll do the work of facing our beliefs, if we'll do the sacred and difficult work of transformation--or simply wish it all away. But in the work of becoming is where God breaks through from within us. He shows us who we are and who He wishes we will one day be. And who we will one day be includes how we'll use this transformation not only for the good of ourselves and for the good of our relationship with God but also for the good of His people."
"The unexpected can leave us feeling helpless and full of anything but choice. We didn't choose the loss, we didn't choose the abuse, we didn't choose this. But after a time of sitting in the dark, a time of experiencing the natural repercussions of the unexpected, a time of physically going through the aftermath, there will come a time of choice.
We get to choose if we'll do the internal work of facing our history, if we'll do the work of facing our beliefs, if we'll do the sacred and difficult work of transformation--or simply wish it all away. But in the work of becoming is where God breaks through from within us. He shows us who we are and who He wishes we will one day be. And who we will one day be includes how we'll use this transformation not only for the good of ourselves and for the good of our relationship with God but also for the good of His people."
March 16, 2023
The Gift of the Unexpected is the story of a personal journey used to inspire so many. When Jillian was expecting her second child, she found out he has Down's Syndrome. Jillian takes you on her journey of the path that her, her husband, family and friends traveled on and continue to travel on. Jillian shares the hard raw emotions of her path through pregnancy, birth and beyond. She also shares the many changes her mindset has had over the years.
This book is arranged so that Jillian shares her story, she then shares the gift she has received, and finishes each chapter with questions for reflection. I found Jillian's story very enlightening, both in the world of disability and in general. Jillian shares information very relevant to those who have a child with a disability (her choice of descriptor). I would encourage those interacting with people who have a disability or special needs to read this book. However, I also found it extremely relevant for those on the the journey of life. I was given a free copy from the publisher for my honest review which I was happy to do. I highly recommend.
This book is arranged so that Jillian shares her story, she then shares the gift she has received, and finishes each chapter with questions for reflection. I found Jillian's story very enlightening, both in the world of disability and in general. Jillian shares information very relevant to those who have a child with a disability (her choice of descriptor). I would encourage those interacting with people who have a disability or special needs to read this book. However, I also found it extremely relevant for those on the the journey of life. I was given a free copy from the publisher for my honest review which I was happy to do. I highly recommend.
August 20, 2025
I read this for my book club, comprised of senior citizen women. We had a great discussion, and thought of Jillian's naivety at the book's beginning similar to that of our younger selves. As Jillian narrates her story, she matures and grows spiritually, finding the truth of Romans 8:28, that all things work together for good for those who love God. She also grows in her mindset toward those with disabilities and comes to the realization that they need to be loved and accepted, not "fixed." Because Jillian's son was born with Down Syndrome, she stepped away from the limelight as a reporter, and she learned that she had to redefine "success." While she writes from her own life experiences, the concepts are general enough to apply to anyone who has hit a bump, detour, or U-turn in life and be encouraging. Our book club members vowed to be better friends and mentors, especially to the younger women around us.
March 1, 2023
Thanks to Bethany House for the free book.
This book is for anyone who finds themselves in an unexpected season - especially one that feels completely overwhelming. Benfield shares her story with raw honesty and vulnerability, and throughout isn't afraid to share how her faith was shaken. Yet she figures out how to rebuild her faith and examine her beliefs to get to the heart of who God is and not who religion says he is. I feel like this is a book for those that feel like God has abandoned them. Through her life story, Benfield shows how this isn't the case, even when things feel like they can't get worse. It's a beautiful book I know I'll return to in the future when I desperately need to hear hope like this during a trying time.
This book is for anyone who finds themselves in an unexpected season - especially one that feels completely overwhelming. Benfield shares her story with raw honesty and vulnerability, and throughout isn't afraid to share how her faith was shaken. Yet she figures out how to rebuild her faith and examine her beliefs to get to the heart of who God is and not who religion says he is. I feel like this is a book for those that feel like God has abandoned them. Through her life story, Benfield shows how this isn't the case, even when things feel like they can't get worse. It's a beautiful book I know I'll return to in the future when I desperately need to hear hope like this during a trying time.
February 9, 2023
Jillian Benfield’s writing has helped me through the unexpected before the book was even released so I knew I just had to have the book. She is so inspirational! I have 2 children who are battling long Covid and this book really resonates with me. My unexpected is quite different than hers, but that is what is so beautiful about her writing. No matter your circumstances she connects with you as if she were there with you in the moment. She takes you through reflections at the end of each chapter that helps to get the most out of the chapter. I am in the middle of the book now and can’t wait to finish!
March 31, 2023
I heard Jillian speak on a web conference and her honest vulnerability struck a chord with me. I do not have a child with a disability but at 64 I do know how the unexpected can turn one's life upside down and how dark ones life can turn. My unexpected journey challenges me everyday and Jillian's unexpected life story and her faith journey are raw on the pages. I found myself settling in and letting her words stir my heart. I believe as Christians the gift of learning from many perspectives of who God is in others lives is always God teaching us and I much appreciated learning a new perspective of who God was and is in Jillians journey. A tender book I recommend.
May 6, 2023
Was so excited for this book and settled in for a faith based journey led by her experiences. That said, I felt there was such an emphasis on how perfect both she and her husband were before this diagnosis, it felt…strange to me. And I was waiting for a deep lesson and it never came. Memoirs are hard to review. They are but a lens of the author’s experience and hold value. However, I was expecting a story to be more rooted in scripture then the suffering of a departure from a perfect life. I’m glad she is no longer suffering and found peace in her family situation. Not sure if I would label this as a faith based book.
January 19, 2024
Essential Reading
This is an insightful, honest look at how good things can come out of desperate circumstances.
Jillian shares her very personal story of becoming a mother to a child with downs syndrome, and how with God's guidance, those experiences both broke her and made her. This personal and moving account is backed up with research and valuable information, raising awareness of the challenges still faced by disabled children and their parents.
If you love to see the verse Romans 8:28 in action, this is the book for you.
"For God works all things for good, for those who love Him, and are called according to His purposes."
This is an insightful, honest look at how good things can come out of desperate circumstances.
Jillian shares her very personal story of becoming a mother to a child with downs syndrome, and how with God's guidance, those experiences both broke her and made her. This personal and moving account is backed up with research and valuable information, raising awareness of the challenges still faced by disabled children and their parents.
If you love to see the verse Romans 8:28 in action, this is the book for you.
"For God works all things for good, for those who love Him, and are called according to His purposes."
January 28, 2023
As someone who lost my faith, and pieces of myself when I lost my mother, I was completely blown away by this book and the uplifting perspective it shined on the darkest places of my grief. I cried, I smiled, I couldn't stop being in awe of the beauty of this book. It's written so eloquently and it truly reveals the growth and goodness that can come from some of the most unexpected experiences life throws at us. I read a lot of books, A LOT of books, and this one will be placed next to all of my cherished favorites. It's truly a gift to each person that reads it.
March 24, 2023
This book focused mostly on the author’s relationship with God. 90% of the book covered how her faith changed after she received her son’s unexpected diagnosis and how those bonds strengthened when she came to terms with it.
That left only 10% of the book for her to share receiving the diagnosis, her fears for the future and actually speaking about her son. I wish the book would have focused more on that since that is how the book was marketed and those were honestly my favorite parts.
The book was well written and the author narrates her book, which is nice.
That left only 10% of the book for her to share receiving the diagnosis, her fears for the future and actually speaking about her son. I wish the book would have focused more on that since that is how the book was marketed and those were honestly my favorite parts.
The book was well written and the author narrates her book, which is nice.
April 2, 2023
Although I share many of the author's experiences, as well as her beliefs, for me this book didn't quite land, as modern jargon has it. Possibly because the changes in my outlook on life that having a child with Down's Syndrome has brought about have been less profound than they were for the author, and perhaps also because while my son is now central to my life, my path in life has not changed so much: we still have the same home and I have the same job, for example, whereas for Jillian Benfield the birth of her son put an end to career ambitions, for example.
October 18, 2023
Jillian humbles herself before her readers repeatedly throughout stories examining her own faults and highlighting her growth during her son’s diagnosis, birth, and early years. It takes courage to bare yourself and share so many ugly parts. Jillian writes with a lot of emotion and sincerity. I found the final four chapters wonderful and quite helpful especially regarding the question of “why?” that so often plagues our mama minds. Jillian skillfully uses scripture to gently guide us to a more helpful question and answer.
February 27, 2023
The Gift of the Unexpected is a book for anyone who has ever had life throw something at them they weren't expecting...which is all of us. Jillian writes about her unexpected in a way that helps us see our own stories and teaches us how to use the unexpected for growth by going through it. Such a great read and would make a great gift for anyone going through something in their life they didn't expect.
March 17, 2023
Well written and thought provoking for personal growth. However, it does read more like a memoir than a discovery book. That is not a fault, just my opinion. She did include several good thoughts to encourage personal growth throughout the book. I was slightly angry at the beginning due to her view of disability. I'm glad that I gave her the grace she deserves as I continued reading and saw the various shifts in those views after her son was born. I very much enjoyed this book.
January 26, 2023
This book was amazing and powerful….SO well written! I can’t say enough about this book. Jillian’s raw and vulnerable storytelling will help others who have experienced challenges of their own, know that they are not alone. It’s so well done. I highly recommend this for parents who have children with any kind of disability.
August 30, 2023
The title is what drew me in, but I had to drag myself to the finish line with this book. I was under the assumption that as a devout Christian and mother of a son with Down Syndrome, I would relate deeply to this book, but it was just a long, painful read. Too little personal story, too much philosophizing. It was long-winded, a little egotistical, and honestly exhausting.
June 24, 2024
This book is full of encouragement. I felt seen after reading this book and took away a lot of things to chew on. The only downside for me were a few places the theology didn't align with what I believe or what I think is true but those occasional places in the book didn't detract from the overall message.
February 2, 2023
I cling to every word of this beautifully written book. Well done Jillian!
June 5, 2023
This book challenged me in ways I didn't even realize I needed to be challenged. Excellently written!
June 22, 2023
Jillian’s book is amazing and truly a wonderful read. She is a great writer who tells her story in a way that is motivational and inspiring for all.
September 21, 2023
🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟
October 1, 2023
Outstanding and inspiring....
This book has not only opened my eyes, it has brought out feelings that needed to be. Enjoy this book with your friends and loved ones. Enlightenment.
This book has not only opened my eyes, it has brought out feelings that needed to be. Enjoy this book with your friends and loved ones. Enlightenment.
December 11, 2024
5⭐️ every single person should read this book.
Want to read
December 30, 2024SM
July 11, 2025
It was okay but not outstanding.
February 7, 2023
Jillian’s writing is so honest and reminds us of Who is there for us in the unexpected - no matter what the unexpected is - and how we use the unexpected to find our peace and purpose in Him. By chapter 8 I had ordered six more and gave them to a few of my friends. Based on their feedback to our friends, I’m buying ten more to gift.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews