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Overcoming Father Wounds: Exchanging Your Pain for God's Perfect Love
If you have been hurt, neglected, rejected, or abandoned by your father, it may feel like every aspect of life is affected by that broken trust. Even your relationship with God can feel tenuous, but there is hope.
In this vulnerable book, author and speaker Kia Stephens shares her own story of father wounds, along with eye-opening examples from wounded women in Scripture who were transformed by the love of God. With great compassion, she helps you identify your father wounds and offers practical tools to help you overcome insecurity, low self-esteem, perfectionism, and trouble connecting with God as your loving heavenly father.
Take heart. Your father wounds do not have the last word in your life; God does. With help from Kia and love from God, you can be made whole again.
In this vulnerable book, author and speaker Kia Stephens shares her own story of father wounds, along with eye-opening examples from wounded women in Scripture who were transformed by the love of God. With great compassion, she helps you identify your father wounds and offers practical tools to help you overcome insecurity, low self-esteem, perfectionism, and trouble connecting with God as your loving heavenly father.
Take heart. Your father wounds do not have the last word in your life; God does. With help from Kia and love from God, you can be made whole again.
208 pages, Paperback
Published March 7, 2023
48 people are currently reading
1569 people want to read
About the author
Kia Stephens
4 books30 followersKia Stephens is the founder of Entrusted Women, which she created to equip Christian women communicators of color. A contributing writer for iBelieve.com, Proverbs 31 Ministries, and Crosswalk, she is a recurring speaker at She Speaks, the Beloved Women’s Conference, and the Entrusted Women’s Conference.
Kia’s writing has been featured on (in)courage and Ann Voskamp’s blog. She has also been a featured guest on the Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast, Chrystal’s Chronicles with Chrystal Evans Hurst, Better Together with Barb Roose and The Dream of You Podcast with Jo Saxton.
Kia is also the host of the Hope for Women With Father Wounds Podcast and she recently released her first book Overcoming Father Wounds. Kia would love to connect with you on her website, Instagram or Facebook.
Kia’s writing has been featured on (in)courage and Ann Voskamp’s blog. She has also been a featured guest on the Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast, Chrystal’s Chronicles with Chrystal Evans Hurst, Better Together with Barb Roose and The Dream of You Podcast with Jo Saxton.
Kia is also the host of the Hope for Women With Father Wounds Podcast and she recently released her first book Overcoming Father Wounds. Kia would love to connect with you on her website, Instagram or Facebook.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
December 28, 2022
At the beginning of this book, Kia Stephens shares that when she first started talking about her father wounds, other women in all kinds of contexts would open up about their own, making her realize what a tremendous unspoken problem this is for so many women. She began a blog years ago to write about this subject, and in this book, she tells her story and shares advice for other Christian women dealing with wounds from abusive, neglectful, or abandoning fathers. She also includes some references to women who have lost their fathers to unexpected, early death. Because Stephens gives a wide variety of examples throughout the book, women will be able to connect with this book regardless whether or not their situation was like hers.
Stephens writes in a vulnerable, honest way about her personal struggles, exploring ways that her fatherless upbringing left her vulnerable to unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, and desperation for love. She is honest about her mistakes without oversharing, and she doesn't blame her father for everything that went wrong in her life, but she is honest and open about the harm that she experienced because she didn't have a father in her life. She also writes about the ups and downs that she experienced while connecting with her father as an adult, and she encourages women in similar situations to set realistic expectations and determine whether or not it is safe for them to pursue a relationship with their father.
Overcoming Father Wounds: Exchanging Your Pain for God's Perfect Love shares practical and spiritual advice for Christian women who are looking for love, trying to overcome past baggage, and working on building healthy relationships. Women who feel that others are dismissive of their father wounds may find this book especially helpful, since Stephens validates this pain and goes into detail about why loving, involved fathers matter so much in a girl's development. The vast majority of the advice in this book revolves around a personal relationship with God, so women who are not believers are unlikely to connect with this book unless they are very open and curious about faith, but this will be a great fit for many Christian women who are looking for healing in this area of their lives.
I received a free copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Stephens writes in a vulnerable, honest way about her personal struggles, exploring ways that her fatherless upbringing left her vulnerable to unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, and desperation for love. She is honest about her mistakes without oversharing, and she doesn't blame her father for everything that went wrong in her life, but she is honest and open about the harm that she experienced because she didn't have a father in her life. She also writes about the ups and downs that she experienced while connecting with her father as an adult, and she encourages women in similar situations to set realistic expectations and determine whether or not it is safe for them to pursue a relationship with their father.
Overcoming Father Wounds: Exchanging Your Pain for God's Perfect Love shares practical and spiritual advice for Christian women who are looking for love, trying to overcome past baggage, and working on building healthy relationships. Women who feel that others are dismissive of their father wounds may find this book especially helpful, since Stephens validates this pain and goes into detail about why loving, involved fathers matter so much in a girl's development. The vast majority of the advice in this book revolves around a personal relationship with God, so women who are not believers are unlikely to connect with this book unless they are very open and curious about faith, but this will be a great fit for many Christian women who are looking for healing in this area of their lives.
I received a free copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
March 10, 2023
In this book, Kia Stephens shares her heartfelt journey of healing and forgiveness towards her father. I loved that she was vulnerable in sharing the pain that his absence caused her and gave many examples of how this affected her over the course of her life. She also helps the reader understand that overcoming a father wound IS possible, but it takes time, work and most importantly the supernatural healing that only God can give. Beyond sharing her inspirational journey, the book is filled with practical wisdom for working through forgiveness and healing. Understanding that many of us with father wounds may still have a lot of anger towards our fathers, Kia painstakingly makes the case for forgiveness. It is what we MUST do for our own healing and in obedience to God and she provides many practical resources for working through that process. I encourage readers to not only buy and read this book, but take the time use the tools and work through the process. This would be an excellent book for group study and discussion.
March 7, 2023
Overcoming Father Wounds is a great resource that helps women dive deeply into reasons why they may have sought affirmation and validation from unhealthy choices and relationships. This book encourages women to acknowledge their pain and feelings, take time to grieve, assess their motives behind their actions, and take brave steps towards forgiveness, freedom, and reconciliation.
The author, Kia Stephens, vulnerably shares her own story, and her personal examples are very relatable. Her practical tips, discussion questions, and writing prompts such as letter writing and the "forgiveness wheel" are doable and gives the reader tools to for their journey of healing and processing their pain.
I like how Kia addresses common doubts and fears that may make women apprehensive about trusting God as their Father. Moreover, Kia's warm, inviting, and conversational tone, and her honesty with her own questions and struggles, help the reader see how one can acknowledge wrongs, but move forward by faith. The author beautifully weaves in biblical insights that encourage women to view themselves truly as daughters of a God who loves them unconditionally.
The author, Kia Stephens, vulnerably shares her own story, and her personal examples are very relatable. Her practical tips, discussion questions, and writing prompts such as letter writing and the "forgiveness wheel" are doable and gives the reader tools to for their journey of healing and processing their pain.
I like how Kia addresses common doubts and fears that may make women apprehensive about trusting God as their Father. Moreover, Kia's warm, inviting, and conversational tone, and her honesty with her own questions and struggles, help the reader see how one can acknowledge wrongs, but move forward by faith. The author beautifully weaves in biblical insights that encourage women to view themselves truly as daughters of a God who loves them unconditionally.
March 7, 2023
By God’s grace, Kia has taken her wounds and done the seriously hard work to pursue God and heal from said wounds – now using them to encourage other women to do the same. She walks you through how to do that, holding your hand and cheering you on along the way. Kia doesn’t just rip on her Father for what he did or didn’t do – in fact, this book is written so vulnerably by sharing her own sin and shortcomings and how God has pursued her and made a way.
The reality is we live in a fallen and broken world, where people disappoint us and let us down. This book is practical and real and offers up a different way to engage with those who have hurt us, in light of the gospel and God’ great love. It’s a balm to the soul, offering insightful questions to ponder, validating doubt and yet, calling the reader up to something greater than themselves. This book is countercultural and not going to hit home with everyone, but for those tired of being angry, holding onto that bitterness – this book offers a different, freeing way.
The reality is we live in a fallen and broken world, where people disappoint us and let us down. This book is practical and real and offers up a different way to engage with those who have hurt us, in light of the gospel and God’ great love. It’s a balm to the soul, offering insightful questions to ponder, validating doubt and yet, calling the reader up to something greater than themselves. This book is countercultural and not going to hit home with everyone, but for those tired of being angry, holding onto that bitterness – this book offers a different, freeing way.
March 6, 2023
Captivating, Convicting, and Consoling!
It’s hard to believe one small book can have such a big impact but literally, I devoured it. The real life stories and the unexpected connections to biblical characters made this book come alive. It brought awareness to dormant hurts but most importantly pointed me towards healing. Each chapter asked questions to help process the rich content in an intimate way. I saw so much application to not just father wounds but so many other family wounds as well. This book is a journey worth taking. Do yourself a favor and get one for you and one for a friend!!! Incredibly well done!
It’s hard to believe one small book can have such a big impact but literally, I devoured it. The real life stories and the unexpected connections to biblical characters made this book come alive. It brought awareness to dormant hurts but most importantly pointed me towards healing. Each chapter asked questions to help process the rich content in an intimate way. I saw so much application to not just father wounds but so many other family wounds as well. This book is a journey worth taking. Do yourself a favor and get one for you and one for a friend!!! Incredibly well done!
March 8, 2023
God sees us. God cares for us. God loves us. Kia has life changing words that will break chains, provide healing for generations and point us to our Heavenly Father. She bravely tells her difficult story to show what God can accomplish. "God specializes in less-than-ideal circumstances. He takes the raw materials out of our lives and makes a beautiful display of who He is able to be for all of humanity." I highly recommend this book. It will help change so many lives.
March 7, 2023
Every once and a while an author shares their story in a way that causes you to think, reflect and grow. Kia Stephens is that author. While I don't have the father wounds spoken of in her soon to be released book, Overcoming Father Wounds, Exchanging Your Pain for God's Perfect Love, I do have wounds. Whether your heart has been broken by an absent or abusive father or by the many difficulties in life, Kia speaks truth. Anyone seeking to unpack their pathway to relational healing could benefit from this book.
March 7, 2023
If you or someone you love is hurting, grieving, or scarred by a relationship with their father, this is a must-read book for you. I found this book to be a powerful, compassionate, and empowering resource that offers so much hope and healing for someone I love, and I know it will be the same for others who need it most. I found this book chalked with relatable stories and practical guidance to help you or someone you love, navigate the healing journey, through the lens of faith. Affirming you are not alone on this journey. I highly recommend this book.
March 7, 2023
I didn't know I had father wounds until I read this book. As someone with a present father, I seriously didn’t think I had these issues. This book caused me to relive events, honestly assess circumstances, call things what they actually were and live in the tension of loving someone deeply and acknowledging the effects of their choices. I loved how the author unpacked her own father wounds and encouraged readers to do the same. This is soul work.
March 7, 2023
I could not put it down. I cried. I reflected. For the first time, I felt I was not alone and someone had finally put into words, what I had been quietly struggling with—father wounds. Kia so transparently and authentically opens her heart and allows us a window into the deepest parts of her challenging journey of healing from those wounds.
In an earlier chapter of the book she states, “ We’re leaving the land of “what if” and “if only” and making peace with the beautiful imperfect.” Her tone and stories are relatable as she comes alongside us and makes us feel like we’re in a conversation with one of our best girl friends.
Unlike other books or memoirs I’ve read, her story brings a resilient hope and reassures us over and over again that we are not alone, we are seen, and that God cares about every detail of our lives, to include old wounds and hurts that continue to linger. She shifts reader’s perspectives to the love of God our father and how his love can fill in the gaps, heal our wounds, and make us whole.
In an earlier chapter of the book she states, “ We’re leaving the land of “what if” and “if only” and making peace with the beautiful imperfect.” Her tone and stories are relatable as she comes alongside us and makes us feel like we’re in a conversation with one of our best girl friends.
Unlike other books or memoirs I’ve read, her story brings a resilient hope and reassures us over and over again that we are not alone, we are seen, and that God cares about every detail of our lives, to include old wounds and hurts that continue to linger. She shifts reader’s perspectives to the love of God our father and how his love can fill in the gaps, heal our wounds, and make us whole.
March 7, 2023
This book is so needed, and well overdue. I wish I had it growing up. Even if you think you don't have father wounds, as I thought, trust me, you still want to read this book. I realized I had a lot of suppressed feelings that I had never dealt with. Kia shared so many points I could relate to like settling in relationships because you think that is the highest level of love you deserve based on the lack of love you received from your father. I also love the practical steps she provides for forgiveness like the "forgiveness letter" and the "forgiveness wheel". I highly recommend this book for those that may be struggling in this area and are looking for healing.
March 13, 2023
"Internal work is slow but necessary. We can't hurry life change along and force it into our personal time constraints. Life change doesn't happen on our timetable, but rather on God's." This wise acknowledgment informs Kia Stephen's writing in "Overcoming Father Wounds". With appropriate vulnerability, she shares the wounds she suffered in her relationship with her earthly father, and how surrendering to the practical and transformational love of God led to her recovery, in God's timing.
Kia's work is well-researched, yet she doesn't fall into the trap of exalting people's opinions above God or His counsel. I appreciated her courage and honesty in centering the work of Jesus Christ as being at the heart of her breakthrough. This courage is what I believe the Lord will use to answer the cries of His daughters to be healed of their father wounds. Her expressed reliance on Jesus Christ throughout her recovery encouraged me to hope in Him for my own recovery.
Kia's work is well-researched, yet she doesn't fall into the trap of exalting people's opinions above God or His counsel. I appreciated her courage and honesty in centering the work of Jesus Christ as being at the heart of her breakthrough. This courage is what I believe the Lord will use to answer the cries of His daughters to be healed of their father wounds. Her expressed reliance on Jesus Christ throughout her recovery encouraged me to hope in Him for my own recovery.
May 5, 2023
This book. written by Kia Stephens, covers the hurts, rejection, abandonment of 'father wounds.' There is much I can relate to, as my father was basically absent during my formative years. Kia has researched this subject well. It is a resource that will help women discover the wounds they have experienced over a lifetime.
The book is practical and helpful, as Kia shares honestly from her own life experience. It is often hard for a child to let go of past hurts. But Overcoming Father Wounds definitely gives a compass to follow in a very real way. Finding direction via a biblical view is not only healing but growing in moving forward in faith.
"The good news is, for every woman who's ever contemplated what it would be like to have a different father, whether real of imagined, there's an exchange that is possible."
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book which I received from Net Galley and the publisher. All views expressed are my honest opinion.
The book is practical and helpful, as Kia shares honestly from her own life experience. It is often hard for a child to let go of past hurts. But Overcoming Father Wounds definitely gives a compass to follow in a very real way. Finding direction via a biblical view is not only healing but growing in moving forward in faith.
"The good news is, for every woman who's ever contemplated what it would be like to have a different father, whether real of imagined, there's an exchange that is possible."
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book which I received from Net Galley and the publisher. All views expressed are my honest opinion.
May 21, 2025
Overcoming Father Abandonment Wounds
This book is well written and established in sound biblical principles. If it was titled, Overcoming Father Abandonment And Other Father Wounds, it would probably be a five star book. The bulk of the book is a very transparent discourse of the author's personal struggle to build a meaningful relationship with her absentee father, and her journey to wholeness via her relationship with the Lord. Fathers inflict wounds in a variety of ways, such as, verbal and/or physical abuse, molestation, and so on. Although there is some content, especially scripture references pertaining to forgiveness, God's faithfulness, and comforting love, that are beneficial to anyone needing to heal from father inflicted heart wounds, the book title can attract those who can't relate to father abandonment wounds and thus, set some up for unmet expectations. Even so, this is a very good read!
This book is well written and established in sound biblical principles. If it was titled, Overcoming Father Abandonment And Other Father Wounds, it would probably be a five star book. The bulk of the book is a very transparent discourse of the author's personal struggle to build a meaningful relationship with her absentee father, and her journey to wholeness via her relationship with the Lord. Fathers inflict wounds in a variety of ways, such as, verbal and/or physical abuse, molestation, and so on. Although there is some content, especially scripture references pertaining to forgiveness, God's faithfulness, and comforting love, that are beneficial to anyone needing to heal from father inflicted heart wounds, the book title can attract those who can't relate to father abandonment wounds and thus, set some up for unmet expectations. Even so, this is a very good read!
February 25, 2023
Kia masterfully puts language to the pain daughters feel because of their father's poor choices. By vulnerably sharing her story with the reader, she explains what father wounds entail and how to heal them through a relationship with God. I especially appreciate her detailed tools, like a step-by-step forgiveness letter and speaking our hurts to an empty chair, that enable us to process our pain and move toward healing. In addition, I deeply value the truths she exposes that help make sense of our wounds, like the knowledge that our grandfathers often didn't teach our fathers how to parent well. Through this book, Kia will help you discover that you're not alone as a father-wounded daughter and that genuine freedom and forgiveness are available through Jesus! This book impacted me greatly, and I urge you to read it if you've ever experienced father wounds.
March 14, 2023
How I wish this book had been available 15 years ago when I was beginning my journey to heal over father wounds! This book offers empowering and encouraging truth on knowing God as your faithful Father. Kia Stephens beautifully weaves together Scriptures and practical insights plus exercises to provide a solid path of moving forward from father wounds. I love her affirmation that only God can satisfy our deepest longings and that His love is enough to make up for anything we lacked getting from a biological father. I can't recommend this book enough if you are desiring to know God more intimately as a faithful Heavenly Father!
July 19, 2023
I heard about Overcoming Father Wounds on my local radio because there are not (to my knowledge) a lot of books on this particular subject. I felt this book came at a good time in my life because, in the first chapter, it speaks about grieving the relationship(with your Dad) that you did not have as a daughter that you hoped. I found the author to be compassionate towards her readers, I really appreciated that.
I especially liked the step-by-step process of writing a letter of forgiveness to your father that you do not send. The author suggests the empty chair exercise to read this letter and I found this to be a cathartic process, as I took a week to craft this letter.
I especially liked the step-by-step process of writing a letter of forgiveness to your father that you do not send. The author suggests the empty chair exercise to read this letter and I found this to be a cathartic process, as I took a week to craft this letter.
May 23, 2023
While this book has a lot of insight, bible backup and being well read by the author, Kia; either I'm over my father wounds or I'm not ready to 'go there', or they weren't so bad after all.
I think I'm just over them and they weren't as bad as many as portrayed in the book. We all have our 'stuff' from childhood and adulthood with our fathers.
This book just didn't really hit me anywhere nor help me personally, but it certainly will help me understand where others are coming from in their hurt and healing process.
Overall, a pretty good book.
I think I'm just over them and they weren't as bad as many as portrayed in the book. We all have our 'stuff' from childhood and adulthood with our fathers.
This book just didn't really hit me anywhere nor help me personally, but it certainly will help me understand where others are coming from in their hurt and healing process.
Overall, a pretty good book.
July 26, 2023
I read this book after meeting the author at a conference. I was curious to see whether the book would reflect the caring, down to earth nature the author embodied. I was not disappointed. Kia Stephens tackles the heartache and very real consequences of father wounds in women's lives. She is practical, gracious, realistic and loving in her writing about the topic and the advice she offers. The book is neither preachy nor heavy handed, but instead comes alongside women tackling these difficult wounds to the heart with compassion and authenticity.
March 6, 2023
I have a list of books that I re-read because of the impact they had on my life during certain seasons–Overcoming Father Wounds will now be added to that list!
Kia Stephens shares her story with such vulnerability and transparency, but underneath each word and behind each scenario she presents, we are able to see how impactful the love of God the Father has been in her life.
I am so appreciative of this book and I know countless lives will be impacted by this message.
Kia Stephens shares her story with such vulnerability and transparency, but underneath each word and behind each scenario she presents, we are able to see how impactful the love of God the Father has been in her life.
I am so appreciative of this book and I know countless lives will be impacted by this message.
March 7, 2023
Kia Stephens' striking identification with the father-wounded heart is not only profound but brave. She has given us a no-holds-barred entry into her personal life experiences and struggles, and we find ourselves asking, "How did she know I was thinking that very same thing?" But rather than let us wallow the rest of our lives in a pit of pity because our pain is indeed so legitimate, Kia Stephens points us to the great exchange of our pain for the perfect love of God, our perfect Father.
April 27, 2023
As an adult child of divorce who hosts a podcast for ACODs, I can't think of a better resource for our healing. Kia writes with affirmation, sensitivity, and compassion, teaching us from her own vulnerable experiences how to lean into faith while we heal from our father wounds. She inspires us with her hard-won victories and thoughtful applications from Bible stories. A must-read companion as you seek counseling for your emotional health.
June 20, 2023
Girlfriends you need to read this book. As a pastoral counselor I've read many books on the father wound. Kia Stephens' book is one of the best.
Order the audio, the author narrates her own story. The e-book or paper copy is helpful as you'll want to spend time working through the questions at the end of each chapter.
If you don't have father wounds read the book for your friends. The majority of the women you know have probably suffered emotional trauma from their fathers.
Order the audio, the author narrates her own story. The e-book or paper copy is helpful as you'll want to spend time working through the questions at the end of each chapter.
If you don't have father wounds read the book for your friends. The majority of the women you know have probably suffered emotional trauma from their fathers.
August 5, 2023
I’m thankful for this book’s existence and know it will help so many women who find it! In my opinion, it best serves a woman in the very beginning of her healing journey. As someone who has been working through father wounds consistently for years now, I can’t say that anything “new” or “life-changing” stuck out to me from the book as particularly helpful. It’s always good to review the basics of healing though!
June 5, 2025
I was really hoping for more in this book. Maybe this is more directed for those beginning their healing journey and for those who regularly identify with the evangelical Christian community. For me, this needed more in-depth and cognitive based approaches. Although possibly helpful for some, the main message of forgiveness and trusting God was surface level for what I hoped to get out of the book.
April 7, 2023
ARC provided by NetGalley
Wow! I did not expect this book to speak to me like it did. I was highlighting errrrythang! This was unexpectedly just what I needed. So, so good! This will be one I buy to keep on hand and also to gift to others for their own healing journey. Very well done! I know it will stick with me for many many days to come.
Wow! I did not expect this book to speak to me like it did. I was highlighting errrrythang! This was unexpectedly just what I needed. So, so good! This will be one I buy to keep on hand and also to gift to others for their own healing journey. Very well done! I know it will stick with me for many many days to come.
June 12, 2023
Good perspective for a mom with fatherless daughter.
I love that she pulls out scripture and used Leah as an example. I never really though of her that much in the story. Just that Jacob was a bit of a douche 😂 and Laban was a whole douche 😂
I don’t know what I don’t know but I want the right mindset and thoughts in how I mentor my girl.
I love that she pulls out scripture and used Leah as an example. I never really though of her that much in the story. Just that Jacob was a bit of a douche 😂 and Laban was a whole douche 😂
I don’t know what I don’t know but I want the right mindset and thoughts in how I mentor my girl.
May 3, 2023
What an incredible resource- so practical, encouraging, convicting, gospel-centered, and accessible
Thankful to add this book to my ministry toolkit
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review this book.
Thankful to add this book to my ministry toolkit
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review this book.
June 30, 2023
Great truths. Didn’t need to delve so deeply into the author’s personal story, over and over again.
Appreciated the revealing of God’s truth from the Bible, but even that began to sound repetitive and an easy fix after five chapters of “more of the same.”
Appreciated the revealing of God’s truth from the Bible, but even that began to sound repetitive and an easy fix after five chapters of “more of the same.”
July 10, 2023
Amazing. If you have any type of hurt from a father (or other family) in this life you MUST read this. The Lord used this book to help me in so many ways! I am so glad I picked it up. Already lended it to a friend hehe
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews