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Once a Mother, always a Mother. On Life with Adult Children
Becoming a mother is not just a question of learning how to bring up a child- it brings a profound change of identity. The same happens years later, when children grow up and leave home and the mother’s job is, supposedly, “done”. Yet this phase of motherhood rarely gets attention.
In this moving and thought provoking book the author of A Wedding in the Family, Annette Byford continues her examination of how mothers experience family transitions and how it impacts their sense of who they are. The book focuses on the practical and emotional challenges and tasks of being a mother of adult children, from the experience of the empty nest through being a mother-in-law, grandmother and negotiating growing old.
The author uses interview material, case studies and short stories and draws on her own experience, as a mother, a grandmother and as a psychotherapist, to explore how mothers navigate the twists and turns of this journey.
In this moving and thought provoking book the author of A Wedding in the Family, Annette Byford continues her examination of how mothers experience family transitions and how it impacts their sense of who they are. The book focuses on the practical and emotional challenges and tasks of being a mother of adult children, from the experience of the empty nest through being a mother-in-law, grandmother and negotiating growing old.
The author uses interview material, case studies and short stories and draws on her own experience, as a mother, a grandmother and as a psychotherapist, to explore how mothers navigate the twists and turns of this journey.
168 pages, Paperback
Published May 20, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
March 30, 2023
A resoundingly powerful exploration of exactly what being a mother is all about. When you become a mother there instantly becomes a before and after identity change. This book dissects this, and all of the different transitions that motherhood brings; from your child being a baby, to your child having a baby, from being a new mum to becoming a grandmother. This journey is huge and often fraught with uncertainty and difficulty.
It’s a journey of change; from navigating the baby years, moving onto toddlers, teenagers, young adults, then weddings & in-laws, the transition seems continuous and sometimes relentless. No longer are you the centre of their world, but cast aside as they make room for others, which is as it should be. If this happens you know you’ve done your job well, but my god can it hurt.
My kids are entering the teenage years and I found this book so interesting, useful and contemplative. It made me think of what we’ve left behind and what lies ahead. It made me think of my own in-laws and vow to make more of an effort for them to get to see their grandchildren as I wonder how hard it’s been for my mother in law stepping back from her own son. Which then made me think of a truly magical book called ‘Love you Forever’ by Robert Munsch, which I used to read to my kids (and try desperately to stop the tears falling when I did) about a new mother who sings this song to her newborn baby. And the years pass, her child grows up and she grows old, yet she still sings the song and she still loves him forever, even when she’s an old, old lady. It’s the perfect depiction of the infinity of motherhood.
This is a book I will keep and cherish and read and read again. I’ll try not to be afraid of getting older & the empty nest & I’ll be grateful for my ever changing relationship with my kids. I hope I get most of it right but I also know that I might get a bit of it wrong. It’s an unknown road we’re on here, it could occasionally get bumpy…
It’s a journey of change; from navigating the baby years, moving onto toddlers, teenagers, young adults, then weddings & in-laws, the transition seems continuous and sometimes relentless. No longer are you the centre of their world, but cast aside as they make room for others, which is as it should be. If this happens you know you’ve done your job well, but my god can it hurt.
My kids are entering the teenage years and I found this book so interesting, useful and contemplative. It made me think of what we’ve left behind and what lies ahead. It made me think of my own in-laws and vow to make more of an effort for them to get to see their grandchildren as I wonder how hard it’s been for my mother in law stepping back from her own son. Which then made me think of a truly magical book called ‘Love you Forever’ by Robert Munsch, which I used to read to my kids (and try desperately to stop the tears falling when I did) about a new mother who sings this song to her newborn baby. And the years pass, her child grows up and she grows old, yet she still sings the song and she still loves him forever, even when she’s an old, old lady. It’s the perfect depiction of the infinity of motherhood.
This is a book I will keep and cherish and read and read again. I’ll try not to be afraid of getting older & the empty nest & I’ll be grateful for my ever changing relationship with my kids. I hope I get most of it right but I also know that I might get a bit of it wrong. It’s an unknown road we’re on here, it could occasionally get bumpy…
December 19, 2022
Several times since having children, I've repeated something to my husband that I remember my dad saying to me: "When you're a parent with small children, the world smiles at you." And the second part (which he may or may not have said in so many words, but which was absolutely implied): "And when your children grow up, the world ignores you." This book reminded me of that sentiment, and of so many other truths that waft through life as a mother (even though my children are nowhere near grown.) "Getting older" for me means merely that my kids are now "kids" and no longer babies or even toddlers, yet I have begun to experience the earliest hints of what Dr. Byford so clearly illustrates through stories, quotations, and elegant prose: the feeling that I am no longer the culturally revered "young mother," the idealized slender, beaming woman with a baby strapped to her chest; but merely a "mom", meaning I am middle-aged and tired and haggard and that my life and the bulk of my activity revolves around my children's lives, their activities. A more passive role, certainly (at least as it is viewed by outsiders), and I can expect this to only become more true as my children become more "active" adults with agency over their own lives. And of course it comes along with the experience of aging as a woman in our youth-dominated society.
This is a quietly powerful book that will resonate with any woman who is or ever has been a mother, no matter the age of her children.
This is a quietly powerful book that will resonate with any woman who is or ever has been a mother, no matter the age of her children.
March 27, 2023
Once A Mother, Always A Mother: On Life With Adult Children made me realise that what I’d thought and felt all those years ago really isn’t so out of the ordinary. Annette Byford approaches topics with sensitivity and expert advice. It’s good reading a book written by someone with her professional expertise and someone who has not only the qualifications but also the personal experience of the ups and downs of being a parent to an adult – regardless of age, they’re still our children! The book is divided into seven sections: 1: From the centre to the margins. 2: Newcomers and monster-in-law. 3: Becoming a grandmother. 4: Like mother like daughter. 5: Me, Myself, I. 6: Acceptance. 7: Changing relationships.
Each section contains a short story, a realistic take on what’s been discussed in the chapter and gives the reader an even clearer understanding.
I found this book interesting, relatable, helpful and one which I can honestly say will be recommended to many other middle-aged mums like myself. It’s refreshing to read something that tackles this subject, and I’m so glad I read it.
Each section contains a short story, a realistic take on what’s been discussed in the chapter and gives the reader an even clearer understanding.
I found this book interesting, relatable, helpful and one which I can honestly say will be recommended to many other middle-aged mums like myself. It’s refreshing to read something that tackles this subject, and I’m so glad I read it.
March 23, 2023
Once A Mother Always A Mother by Annette Byford is THE book about motherhood.
Once A Mother delves into motherhood from birth to becoming a grandmother. It’s about relationships. Not just relationships with our children but with their chosen partners, the grandchildren, the in-laws as well as the relationship we have with ourselves as we progress through the stages of motherhood.
Byford organised this book beautifully. Its chronological progression through motherhood is divided into chapters. Each chapter includes short stories, quotes, reflections and Annette’s own experiences. It is engaging and thought provoking.
I found myself annotating agreements and thoughts as I read through this book. There is so much that rings true to my own experiences. And some much to consider. As I read, I reminisced about my own journey as a mother, and a grandmother too. It’s been a lovely journey.
If you’ve been thinking about motherhood - as a new mother or an experienced one - I highly recommend this book. It is a book every woman/parent should read.
Once A Mother delves into motherhood from birth to becoming a grandmother. It’s about relationships. Not just relationships with our children but with their chosen partners, the grandchildren, the in-laws as well as the relationship we have with ourselves as we progress through the stages of motherhood.
Byford organised this book beautifully. Its chronological progression through motherhood is divided into chapters. Each chapter includes short stories, quotes, reflections and Annette’s own experiences. It is engaging and thought provoking.
I found myself annotating agreements and thoughts as I read through this book. There is so much that rings true to my own experiences. And some much to consider. As I read, I reminisced about my own journey as a mother, and a grandmother too. It’s been a lovely journey.
If you’ve been thinking about motherhood - as a new mother or an experienced one - I highly recommend this book. It is a book every woman/parent should read.
April 10, 2023
This book will be of interest and value to all of the mothers out there, no matter what age your children are…if your children are already adults then it will give you validation of your experiences once they became adults and the changes that made to your role as a parent and also to your understanding of society’s perception of mothers of adult children. If you children have yet to become adults, it will give you foresight of the changes to come and what to expect and how you may feel about it.
I have adult children and I absolutely devoured this book in one sitting. It recognised my feelings and my experience of moving from being a mother of teenagers to a mother of young men and adults.
I really can’t recommend this book highly enough and I think that every mother should read it.
My thanks to the author and LiterallyPR for gifting me this book in return for an honest review.
I have adult children and I absolutely devoured this book in one sitting. It recognised my feelings and my experience of moving from being a mother of teenagers to a mother of young men and adults.
I really can’t recommend this book highly enough and I think that every mother should read it.
My thanks to the author and LiterallyPR for gifting me this book in return for an honest review.
February 23, 2023
This was one deeply moving read, the author puts forward her own experiences and observations with such charm and depth and I have no doubt that many will be able to relate to the stories and wisdom within these pages.
This is a book for mothers of adult children and it’s the first of its kind I have seen! It’s packed full of great advice for navigating the emotional ups and downs when the little ones are no longer little. Watching your children leave the nest and live their own lives is a tough time for any parent but having this book within reach could come as a huge comfort to many!
Mothers and grandmothers will be drawn to this one due to its relevance, relatable content and bitter sweet moments which are scattered elegantly throughout.
5 Stars!
This is a book for mothers of adult children and it’s the first of its kind I have seen! It’s packed full of great advice for navigating the emotional ups and downs when the little ones are no longer little. Watching your children leave the nest and live their own lives is a tough time for any parent but having this book within reach could come as a huge comfort to many!
Mothers and grandmothers will be drawn to this one due to its relevance, relatable content and bitter sweet moments which are scattered elegantly throughout.
5 Stars!
July 18, 2022
The first time someone has expressed the difficulties of adjusting to adult children and confronting one's own inevitable loss. I was fine until my son married and ever since then I have had to keep my mouth shut in case I rock the boat. According to this book I am not the only one! I wish my friends had been as honest about this as the writer of this book. I felt someone was holding my hand as I read and didn't want the book to end.
March 26, 2023
This book is just perfect. Perfect for me, my age and the age of my now grown up children. Over parenting time our relationship with our children changes, the stresses and worries are their but different. Parenting as we grow older is different, and reading through this book was a complete joy. I can relate to so much in it. Very well written and I recommend to any parent, regardless of child/adult age.
Many thanks to team @literallyPR for my copy in exchange for an honest review.
Many thanks to team @literallyPR for my copy in exchange for an honest review.
March 23, 2023
My thoughts
This book has lots of information that can be helpful when your raising and next you know they are adults children get older and are now adults. So what’s next we are still mom. This book was a easy to read and has great short stories from other moms. I recommend reading this if you want information about raising children to adults
This book has lots of information that can be helpful when your raising and next you know they are adults children get older and are now adults. So what’s next we are still mom. This book was a easy to read and has great short stories from other moms. I recommend reading this if you want information about raising children to adults
August 3, 2024
A really important book for parents of grown-up children. Not sure if there is a version for dads, but that would be great! Even as is, this is a must read for parents of both genders. If I had read this 6 years it might have saved a lot of heartache, but still glad I've read it for now and the future
September 4, 2023
Once A Mother, Always A Mother by Annette Byford
Ortus Press, Free Association Books
One of the double-edge swords of getting older is that as a mother, and as parents generally, we have to change and evolve our relationship with our children. At the same time our children are becoming adults and going through their own evolution as people. This time of transition is sold to us Mums as the chance to ‘get back more time to ourselves’ and ‘do more of things we’ve always wanted to’. In reality, it can be bloody difficult. I remember seeing all the books for raising a baby, for toddlers, for teens even. What about this phase of raising adults and learning to adapt to a new normal? This is where Annette Byford steps in (thank goodness!).
This moving, thought-provoking book is for you if you want to know the secret recipe to a happy and healthy relationship with your adult child. I would recommend reading BEFORE your child becomes an older teen so you feel more prepared! And brace yourself for a raft of emotions that will flow through you as you read. Annette is a very talented writer.
Food recommendation: A slice of cake ideally lemon drizzle
Drinks recommendation: A cinnamon latte with almond milk
Ortus Press, Free Association Books
One of the double-edge swords of getting older is that as a mother, and as parents generally, we have to change and evolve our relationship with our children. At the same time our children are becoming adults and going through their own evolution as people. This time of transition is sold to us Mums as the chance to ‘get back more time to ourselves’ and ‘do more of things we’ve always wanted to’. In reality, it can be bloody difficult. I remember seeing all the books for raising a baby, for toddlers, for teens even. What about this phase of raising adults and learning to adapt to a new normal? This is where Annette Byford steps in (thank goodness!).
This moving, thought-provoking book is for you if you want to know the secret recipe to a happy and healthy relationship with your adult child. I would recommend reading BEFORE your child becomes an older teen so you feel more prepared! And brace yourself for a raft of emotions that will flow through you as you read. Annette is a very talented writer.
Food recommendation: A slice of cake ideally lemon drizzle
Drinks recommendation: A cinnamon latte with almond milk
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews