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The Newlyweds: Fighting for Love in the New India
'Staggeringly good... Much like Lisa Taddeo's Three Women, it reads more like a novel than a piece of non-fiction... it does what all great writing should - it puts us into the world of someone else, so completely that days later I find myself missing the couples and wondering how their stories end' Marianne Power, The Times'A profound book on the politics of love, of couples who brave everything and everyone to be together. Told with warmth, truth and humanity, Mansi Choksi's The Newlyweds is an extraordinary look at what it takes to be together in modern India' Nikesh Shukla'Essential reading for anyone seeking to understand youth in India today - or for anyone who believes in the galactic powers of love to change history, personal and political' Suketu MehtaWhat would you risk for love?Twenty-first century India is a culture on fast forward, a society which is changing at breakneck speed, where two out of every three people are under the age of thirty-five. These young men and women grew up with the internet, smartphones and social media. But when it comes to love, the weight of thousands of years of tradition cannot so easily be set aside.An extraordinary work of reportage, The Newlyweds is a portrait of modern India told through the stories of three young couples, who defy their families to pursue love. The lesbian couple forced to flee for a chance at a life together. The Hindu woman and Muslim man who must escape under the cover of night after being harassed by a violent mob. And the couple from different castes who know the terrible risk they run by marrying.Writing with great insight and humanity, Mansi Choksi examines the true cost of modern love in an ancient culture. It is a book that will change the way readers think about love, freedom and hope.
277 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 30, 2022
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September 20, 2023
I read this—a journalistic nonfiction account of three forbidden marriages in India—shortly after The Heart Is a Shifting Sea, a similar account of three more conventional couples. On the one hand it’s readable and engaging and brings home the challenges of marriages that violate some taboo, even today. On the other hand, its stories end rather abruptly, the poor attention to detail makes me wonder if we can trust any of it, and I definitely wanted to hear more about the author’s role and ethics, particularly when at least one of the relationships she’s chronicling becomes abusive.
The book follows three young couples, mostly from rural areas, in the late 2010s. Neetu and Dawinder come from a village in Haryana, and face numerous obstacles to marriage: being from the same village means their relationship is considered incest; she’s Hindu and he’s Sikh; and they’re from different castes. They run away together, only to wind up in a seemingly exploitative shelter, and meanwhile her family turns violent toward his, destroying their property and beating his mother nearly to death.
Monika and Arif are in a similar situation: she’s Hindu and he’s Muslim, and her family is middle class while his is impoverished. She doesn’t seem more than mildly invested in their clandestine romance—which he initiates while attending police training school with her sister—until she gets pregnant, and they decide to run away and marry. Her family also becomes violent and threatening, getting a local Hindu nationalist gang involved. Meanwhile the couple stays with his family, which does not work out well.
Finally, Reshma and Preethi are a same-sex couple, distant relations who meet at a family event when Reshma is 28 and Preethi 18. They run away together twice, and while their family drag them home the first time, this relationship incites the least drama from third parties. They’re also most able to get to know one another beforehand as their bond doesn’t immediately incite suspicion, but this doesn’t prevent the stresses of their outcast status from taking their toll.
Choksi tells all their stories in an engaging way; she seems to have gotten a lot of buy-in from the couples, who share intimate thoughts and feelings about their situations. She’s especially interested in exploring the tension between the importance of family and the desire to choose one’s partner, and the burdens that giving up one’s family (or placing them in harm’s way) to pursue romance place on the couples’ marriages are portrayed with nuance and detail. She also does a strong job in bringing her subjects to life on the page—helped immensely by including photos of each couple!—so that I felt I had some idea who these people are and what motivates them.
That said, there was a lot more I wanted to know. The stories all end rather abruptly—in one case, while the couple are still in hiding, before even reaching a place of stability, even though three more years passed between that and the writing. I wound up wondering if some of the participants lost interest in sharing with Choksi along the way and that was the cause of the weak wrap-ups. I also wanted more background information outside of the individual stories: she includes an entire chapter about a murdered couple that Neetu and Dawinder are told about, but no independent investigation into the sketchy shelter, what’s really going on there, how this compares to other shelters, etc.
But the biggest missing piece is some methodological note, which authors who get to know their subjects intimately but remove themselves from the text generally include. When the book includes exact dialogue, was Choksi there and recording, or is it reconstructed from the subjects’ memories? How might her involvement have affected their situations? How did she balance observing their stories vs. helping, given the poverty and danger her subjects face? And in particular, how did she handle Reshma’s abuse of Preethi? It’s unclear from the text whether Preethi realizes she’s being abused, but this is such a classic case I think by the end Choksi must have known, and from the way the two are written about my sense is that the author was closer to Reshma (). I wound up with a lot of questions about that situation and given how much everyone was clearly sharing with her, it’s not honest for Choksi to pretend she wasn’t part of these people’s lives.
There’s also just a lot of sloppiness here, leaving me with questions about the veracity of the text. In the introduction, Choksi tells us of young Indians: “Four in five of us married with permission from our parents, and less than 6 percent of us chose our own partners”—so what’s up with the remaining 14%, kidnapping? She tells us in the text that the village of Chikhali is near the border of Telangana, but includes a map on which it’s nowhere near Telangana. She tells us she met the first two couples “a few weeks” apart, both in the immediate aftermath of their running away, but gives dates for their flights and they’re a solid 9 months apart. She tells us in a photo caption that Monika discovered she was pregnant too late for an abortion, but in the text that Monika opted against because she couldn’t think of an excuse to stay away overnight. That’s a lot of discrepancies and at some point one has to wonder what else is wrong and just less obviously so.
Overall then, an interesting and eye-opening bit of reportage, but one that left me with doubts. A cautious recommend to those interested in the subject.
The book follows three young couples, mostly from rural areas, in the late 2010s. Neetu and Dawinder come from a village in Haryana, and face numerous obstacles to marriage: being from the same village means their relationship is considered incest; she’s Hindu and he’s Sikh; and they’re from different castes. They run away together, only to wind up in a seemingly exploitative shelter, and meanwhile her family turns violent toward his, destroying their property and beating his mother nearly to death.
Monika and Arif are in a similar situation: she’s Hindu and he’s Muslim, and her family is middle class while his is impoverished. She doesn’t seem more than mildly invested in their clandestine romance—which he initiates while attending police training school with her sister—until she gets pregnant, and they decide to run away and marry. Her family also becomes violent and threatening, getting a local Hindu nationalist gang involved. Meanwhile the couple stays with his family, which does not work out well.
Finally, Reshma and Preethi are a same-sex couple, distant relations who meet at a family event when Reshma is 28 and Preethi 18. They run away together twice, and while their family drag them home the first time, this relationship incites the least drama from third parties. They’re also most able to get to know one another beforehand as their bond doesn’t immediately incite suspicion, but this doesn’t prevent the stresses of their outcast status from taking their toll.
Choksi tells all their stories in an engaging way; she seems to have gotten a lot of buy-in from the couples, who share intimate thoughts and feelings about their situations. She’s especially interested in exploring the tension between the importance of family and the desire to choose one’s partner, and the burdens that giving up one’s family (or placing them in harm’s way) to pursue romance place on the couples’ marriages are portrayed with nuance and detail. She also does a strong job in bringing her subjects to life on the page—helped immensely by including photos of each couple!—so that I felt I had some idea who these people are and what motivates them.
That said, there was a lot more I wanted to know. The stories all end rather abruptly—in one case, while the couple are still in hiding, before even reaching a place of stability, even though three more years passed between that and the writing. I wound up wondering if some of the participants lost interest in sharing with Choksi along the way and that was the cause of the weak wrap-ups. I also wanted more background information outside of the individual stories: she includes an entire chapter about a murdered couple that Neetu and Dawinder are told about, but no independent investigation into the sketchy shelter, what’s really going on there, how this compares to other shelters, etc.
But the biggest missing piece is some methodological note, which authors who get to know their subjects intimately but remove themselves from the text generally include. When the book includes exact dialogue, was Choksi there and recording, or is it reconstructed from the subjects’ memories? How might her involvement have affected their situations? How did she balance observing their stories vs. helping, given the poverty and danger her subjects face? And in particular, how did she handle Reshma’s abuse of Preethi? It’s unclear from the text whether Preethi realizes she’s being abused, but this is such a classic case I think by the end Choksi must have known, and from the way the two are written about my sense is that the author was closer to Reshma (). I wound up with a lot of questions about that situation and given how much everyone was clearly sharing with her, it’s not honest for Choksi to pretend she wasn’t part of these people’s lives.
There’s also just a lot of sloppiness here, leaving me with questions about the veracity of the text. In the introduction, Choksi tells us of young Indians: “Four in five of us married with permission from our parents, and less than 6 percent of us chose our own partners”—so what’s up with the remaining 14%, kidnapping? She tells us in the text that the village of Chikhali is near the border of Telangana, but includes a map on which it’s nowhere near Telangana. She tells us she met the first two couples “a few weeks” apart, both in the immediate aftermath of their running away, but gives dates for their flights and they’re a solid 9 months apart. She tells us in a photo caption that Monika discovered she was pregnant too late for an abortion, but in the text that Monika opted against because she couldn’t think of an excuse to stay away overnight. That’s a lot of discrepancies and at some point one has to wonder what else is wrong and just less obviously so.
Overall then, an interesting and eye-opening bit of reportage, but one that left me with doubts. A cautious recommend to those interested in the subject.
March 1, 2023
Finished reading this and the way it reports, relays, and reveals the lives of three Indian couples as they choose a love that's highly forbidden within the country's socio-political frame, makes it a vivid non-fiction that reads like a candid novel. rtc.
September 8, 2022
In The Newlyweds, Mansi Choksi has brought to light a powerful and eye-opening subject that certainly, to myself and I imagine other Western readers, is both disturbing and unsettling, underscored by a delicate sliver of hope for future generations of young Indians. As Choksi writes of the general belief in marriage in India,
“Marriage has a special place in Indian society…It is an arrangement between two families belonging to the same warp and weft in the tapestry of religion, caste, class, clan, region and language…When young people choose their own partners we threaten order with chaos.”
Throughout the book she sensitively and assuredly unpicks this statement by shining a light on three couples flouting these conventions, and the particular problems that this brings to their lives, the strain and danger it places on them, and the fragile longevity of their relationships.
From beginning to end, I read this book with an ever increasing sense of bewilderment at the arcane conventions of society that these three couples faced in their determination to be together. Dictated to by the extremely outdated written and unwritten rules of courtship and marriage, these three couples, Neetu and Darwinder, Monika and Arif and Reshma and Preeti, struggle to maintain their relationships under the weight of convention regarding religion, caste and homosexuality. As Arif, a Muslim man, in love with a Hindu woman, dejectedly observes,
“History is witness that Hindus and Muslims cannot be together. If we are snakes, they are mongooses.”
Neetu and Darwinder incite the wrath of the ‘khap panchayat’, “unelected councils of upper caste elders in the rural communties who routinely issue diktats for disturbing the delicate balance of the caste system” by being of the same village but different castes. For years India was in the grasp of an arcane law, as part of the Indian Penal Code deeming homosexuality as a crime commensurate with bestiality and paedophilia, a law thankfully rewritten, but leaving in its wake a pervading sense of suspicion and hatred of gay couples, like Reshma and Preeti. Throw into the mix the dark and disturbing world of ‘honour’ killings of young women deemed to have defied their families and communities in their choice of partner, and you get a real sense of the barriers, threats of violence and estrangement that these couples face in their attachment to one another. Choksi guides us through the trials and tribulations of each with a clear-sighted and powerful commentary, intertwining their individual stories with an astute eye on the social mores of Indian society in general.
What I loved about this book, aside from the razor sharp observations, and obviously incredibly thorough research, were the very real human flaws that each couple exhibit. There was no sugar coating of their personalities, despite the obvious hardships and sadness that each endure with their decisions to ostracise themselves from their communities, to adopt the religion of their partner, or to find themselves alone as the relationship disintegrates. There are moments of vanity, insecurity, ingratitude, and betrayal that add a real emotional heft to the depiction of each, and arouses in the reader feelings of annoyance or empathy and so on.
I don’t read a huge amount of non-fiction, but I do read a great deal of Indian fiction and crime fiction, so the premise of The Newlyweds really appealed to gain further insight into another aspect of Indian society, largely unfamiliar to me. Mansi Choksi handles her subject matter with aplomb, bringing us a book that is incredibly readable, vivid, thought-provoking and enlightening. I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Recommended.
“Marriage has a special place in Indian society…It is an arrangement between two families belonging to the same warp and weft in the tapestry of religion, caste, class, clan, region and language…When young people choose their own partners we threaten order with chaos.”
Throughout the book she sensitively and assuredly unpicks this statement by shining a light on three couples flouting these conventions, and the particular problems that this brings to their lives, the strain and danger it places on them, and the fragile longevity of their relationships.
From beginning to end, I read this book with an ever increasing sense of bewilderment at the arcane conventions of society that these three couples faced in their determination to be together. Dictated to by the extremely outdated written and unwritten rules of courtship and marriage, these three couples, Neetu and Darwinder, Monika and Arif and Reshma and Preeti, struggle to maintain their relationships under the weight of convention regarding religion, caste and homosexuality. As Arif, a Muslim man, in love with a Hindu woman, dejectedly observes,
“History is witness that Hindus and Muslims cannot be together. If we are snakes, they are mongooses.”
Neetu and Darwinder incite the wrath of the ‘khap panchayat’, “unelected councils of upper caste elders in the rural communties who routinely issue diktats for disturbing the delicate balance of the caste system” by being of the same village but different castes. For years India was in the grasp of an arcane law, as part of the Indian Penal Code deeming homosexuality as a crime commensurate with bestiality and paedophilia, a law thankfully rewritten, but leaving in its wake a pervading sense of suspicion and hatred of gay couples, like Reshma and Preeti. Throw into the mix the dark and disturbing world of ‘honour’ killings of young women deemed to have defied their families and communities in their choice of partner, and you get a real sense of the barriers, threats of violence and estrangement that these couples face in their attachment to one another. Choksi guides us through the trials and tribulations of each with a clear-sighted and powerful commentary, intertwining their individual stories with an astute eye on the social mores of Indian society in general.
What I loved about this book, aside from the razor sharp observations, and obviously incredibly thorough research, were the very real human flaws that each couple exhibit. There was no sugar coating of their personalities, despite the obvious hardships and sadness that each endure with their decisions to ostracise themselves from their communities, to adopt the religion of their partner, or to find themselves alone as the relationship disintegrates. There are moments of vanity, insecurity, ingratitude, and betrayal that add a real emotional heft to the depiction of each, and arouses in the reader feelings of annoyance or empathy and so on.
I don’t read a huge amount of non-fiction, but I do read a great deal of Indian fiction and crime fiction, so the premise of The Newlyweds really appealed to gain further insight into another aspect of Indian society, largely unfamiliar to me. Mansi Choksi handles her subject matter with aplomb, bringing us a book that is incredibly readable, vivid, thought-provoking and enlightening. I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Recommended.
October 30, 2023
I wish I liked this more
I loved following the three couples in the book, and their imperfect relationships, unique journeys, the intimate look at their lives and flaws, the common cultural norms threaded across them, and the historical backdrop that gave more context to their stories.
I think I struggled with the pacing - it felt dragged out too long / too detailed at times, and often choppy when switching from couple to couple. I didn’t mind that there’s no closure on the couples at the end, but I wish in its place more research or statistics could have been shared.
I loved following the three couples in the book, and their imperfect relationships, unique journeys, the intimate look at their lives and flaws, the common cultural norms threaded across them, and the historical backdrop that gave more context to their stories.
I think I struggled with the pacing - it felt dragged out too long / too detailed at times, and often choppy when switching from couple to couple. I didn’t mind that there’s no closure on the couples at the end, but I wish in its place more research or statistics could have been shared.
March 30, 2025
I learned a lot reading this book, however it was one of the saddest books I’ve read in a long time. The book follows three couples through their decision to be together despite their family’s disapproval for various reasons. The losses they suffer as a result of making this choice are immense - emotional, financial, and physical. Reading the jacket and the blurbs I thought that the love stories themselves would be more moving but in fact at least one of the relationships is abusive and all of them felt more like puppy love or infatuation than the kind of love that can sustain these kinds of losses. It did make me feel grateful that I was able to marry the person I loved without suffering major consequences as a result.
August 9, 2022
As someone who doesn't have much knowledge on India and the social standards that reside in the country, this was a really insightful read. It is awful what the couples in this novel have to go through to be together and how it can bring them either closer together or further apart. It is eye opening.
I think this text does a good job at telling the stories of these couples as well as giving the context as to why their relationships were so risky. I was so immersed in their stories and really wanted the best for all of them and their families. I sincerely hope that all of them are doing well today.
Narratively, my only qualm was how the text jumped around from one couple's story to another the whole time, but I got used to it after the first few switches.
Overall, 4.5/5 stars
Thank you Atria Books for the ARC!
I think this text does a good job at telling the stories of these couples as well as giving the context as to why their relationships were so risky. I was so immersed in their stories and really wanted the best for all of them and their families. I sincerely hope that all of them are doing well today.
Narratively, my only qualm was how the text jumped around from one couple's story to another the whole time, but I got used to it after the first few switches.
Overall, 4.5/5 stars
Thank you Atria Books for the ARC!
May 14, 2023
Interesting perspective on bucking traditional arranged marriages in rural India through three case studies. Wished there was more generally summarized research and overall statistics in the book instead of just 3 anecdotal love marriages, but still learnt quite a bit.
May 15, 2022
What an incredible book! The perfect blend between a story and reporting a story. The details, the facts, the emotions were all perfect. A must read for all!!!!
February 28, 2023
This is an amazingly thorough, well-researched, and unflinchingly honest exploration of marriages that are seen as “wrong” within the current Indian sociopolitical climate. Choksi has interviewed each of the three couples in depth over the course of six years, and her effort and care really shows. Each of these love stories is written with such searing lyricism, and when their love for each other is described, I felt this immense joy. If anyone doubts that love is real, intense, and transformative, this book will change their minds. Also, and unfortunately, the impact of the circumstances these couples find themselves in takes a huge toll; it’s impossible for it not to do so. The constant fear, exploitation, alienation and isolation, and abject poverty they have to suffer through just to be together is devastating. If you’re prepared for that going into this, I think you’ll learn a lot! No prior knowledge is required; Choksi does an outstanding job of explaining without being condescending or overbearing.
My only issues with this were the “cast of characters” list at the beginning (it seemed completely unnecessary) and a typo (“dairy” instead of “diary”) — there may be other typos I missed. 4.5 stars, rounded up.
My only issues with this were the “cast of characters” list at the beginning (it seemed completely unnecessary) and a typo (“dairy” instead of “diary”) — there may be other typos I missed. 4.5 stars, rounded up.
February 22, 2023
3.5/5
Nuanced and investigative. Kind of sad though. I am currently deeply in love so the not so fairytale endings made me want to down rate the book. But rationally, those are real narratives and also important to be put into books over a jaded romantic notion of love marriages.
It's complicated! Much like the book. Good read. Recommended to anyone interested in the politics of modern love in India.
Nuanced and investigative. Kind of sad though. I am currently deeply in love so the not so fairytale endings made me want to down rate the book. But rationally, those are real narratives and also important to be put into books over a jaded romantic notion of love marriages.
It's complicated! Much like the book. Good read. Recommended to anyone interested in the politics of modern love in India.
September 6, 2022
I really like The Newlyweds front cover is bright colourful and catchy and draws your attention to it which is great. Mandi Choksi follows three couples relationships in India. The newlyweds is a great book to read and really opened my eyes to how relationships are seen in India like lesbian relationships and etc. I felt like I was on emotional roll coaster with all three couples and they all go through their own heartache and troubles. The lesbian couple are forced to flee so they can have life together, the Hindu lady and Muslim man who have to leave because a mob is after them and another couple who have to run so they can marry. I liked how the book was layer into the three parts and the narrative did jump to the next couple but I feel it really worked. Really interesting and engaging to read. Thank you @random things tours and Mandi Choksi for letting me part of this tour and reviewing this book.
September 6, 2022
The Newlyweds follows the journey of three couples. Neetu and Davinder are from the same village but are from different castes. As they are from the same village they are considered to be related so they have no choice but to elope. Arif and Monika are from different religions and fall in love. Arif is Muslim and Monika is Hindu. They too are aware that no one will accept their relationship and so decide to elope. Preethi and Reshma were friends until they realised they loved each other as more than friends. Their story considers how society in India considers LGBTQ relationships and details the struggles they have faced to be together.
This was definitely an eye-opening read for me and it was actually quite a quick read. Although the book is fairly short the author has done a thorough job in detailing the lives of the three couples and what they have been through. What made the stories even more real was that there were pictures of each of the couples in the book which helped me to connect with them. Instead of just words on a page these were real people and this was their very real story. What I enjoyed about this book is that the author has looked at a diverse range of couples. She’s covered inter cast marriages, marriages between two people from different religions and a relationship between a same sex couple which is rarely talked about in India. It was interesting to read about how the couples were defined by not only what their parents believed was right for them but also what society believed was right for them. It was clear the couples didn’t have a choice in how to live their lives and who to have a relationship with and the only way to have a choice was to go against their parents, family and society. Although the couples were born and raised in the 20th century they were still heavily governed by tradition, culture and societal rules. Some rules of which are from a bygone era.
A thought provoking read where tradition, culture and religion clash with hearts and feelings.
This was definitely an eye-opening read for me and it was actually quite a quick read. Although the book is fairly short the author has done a thorough job in detailing the lives of the three couples and what they have been through. What made the stories even more real was that there were pictures of each of the couples in the book which helped me to connect with them. Instead of just words on a page these were real people and this was their very real story. What I enjoyed about this book is that the author has looked at a diverse range of couples. She’s covered inter cast marriages, marriages between two people from different religions and a relationship between a same sex couple which is rarely talked about in India. It was interesting to read about how the couples were defined by not only what their parents believed was right for them but also what society believed was right for them. It was clear the couples didn’t have a choice in how to live their lives and who to have a relationship with and the only way to have a choice was to go against their parents, family and society. Although the couples were born and raised in the 20th century they were still heavily governed by tradition, culture and societal rules. Some rules of which are from a bygone era.
A thought provoking read where tradition, culture and religion clash with hearts and feelings.
August 23, 2022
✨✨ The Newlyweds: Rearranging Marriage in Modern India ✨✨
📅: 8/30!
Mansi Choksi’s brilliant work of investigative journalism paints a rich, tapestry of complex and nuanced socio-political culture that shapes contemporary romance and marriages today of everyday ordinary people who are often forgotten in the mainstream.
Neetu and Davinder: Being from the same gotra/caste, we follow their story as they elope from their village in Haryana where the customs consider them siblings. Their story unfolds as they seek protection from Love Commandos, an organization that prides itself for protecting couples and is popularized by the talk show led by Aamir Khan called Satyamev Jayate. While their story takes a different turn, their narrative highlights honor killings in contemporary India.
Arif and Monika Ingle: A Muslim and Hindu couple, Arif and Monika’s story calls attention to Love Jihad, a recent phenomenon in which Muslim men are accused of impregnating Hindu women. “In India there are two sets of crimes: real and imaginary…imaginary crimes…were violations of the invisible lines of traditions that were meted out with sentences of shame and guilt…” is what perhaps best defines not this but all 3 of the narratives.
Preethi and Reshma: Their story explores contemporary LGBTQ marriages in India. By sharing their story, Choksi contextualizes how Section 377, the colonial era law that criminalizes homosexuality, and explores its impact on Preethi and Reshma’s relationship.
#MansiChoksi #TheNewlyweds#bookstagram #instabook #book-photography #bookporn #igbooks #ilovereading #bookhaul #bookhoarder #bookaddiction #bookstoread #whattoread #fortheloveofbooks #bookblogging #bookpics #weekendreads #bookrecs
📅: 8/30!
Mansi Choksi’s brilliant work of investigative journalism paints a rich, tapestry of complex and nuanced socio-political culture that shapes contemporary romance and marriages today of everyday ordinary people who are often forgotten in the mainstream.
Neetu and Davinder: Being from the same gotra/caste, we follow their story as they elope from their village in Haryana where the customs consider them siblings. Their story unfolds as they seek protection from Love Commandos, an organization that prides itself for protecting couples and is popularized by the talk show led by Aamir Khan called Satyamev Jayate. While their story takes a different turn, their narrative highlights honor killings in contemporary India.
Arif and Monika Ingle: A Muslim and Hindu couple, Arif and Monika’s story calls attention to Love Jihad, a recent phenomenon in which Muslim men are accused of impregnating Hindu women. “In India there are two sets of crimes: real and imaginary…imaginary crimes…were violations of the invisible lines of traditions that were meted out with sentences of shame and guilt…” is what perhaps best defines not this but all 3 of the narratives.
Preethi and Reshma: Their story explores contemporary LGBTQ marriages in India. By sharing their story, Choksi contextualizes how Section 377, the colonial era law that criminalizes homosexuality, and explores its impact on Preethi and Reshma’s relationship.
#MansiChoksi #TheNewlyweds#bookstagram #instabook #book-photography #bookporn #igbooks #ilovereading #bookhaul #bookhoarder #bookaddiction #bookstoread #whattoread #fortheloveofbooks #bookblogging #bookpics #weekendreads #bookrecs
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June 1, 2023Mansi Choksi’s "The Newlyweds” is a watershed investigative work into relationships in India that break away from the norm. Three couples take center stage: one relationship involves a pair belonging to a different socioeconomic class, another a Hindu-Muslim pair, and the last is a lesbian couple closeted from their families. While the premise is daringly inspirational, this book does not shy away from the hard realities of marriage.
Choksi provides an empathetic but hard-hitting look at the power structures involved in Indian marriages: caste, religion, socio-economic class, as well as the decision-makers and influences that still pull the invisible strings of matrimonial decisions in India today.
Readers will not always get a happy ending in “The Newlyweds;” instead, each page leaves readers yearning, perhaps naively, for these couples to finally find equilibrium in their marriage. This is Choksi’s intent. By ending each story abruptly and without resolution, Choksi pushes readers to examine the weight of social norms, especially in India’s current political climate, and the cost of defying them for the sake of love.
Choksi provides an empathetic but hard-hitting look at the power structures involved in Indian marriages: caste, religion, socio-economic class, as well as the decision-makers and influences that still pull the invisible strings of matrimonial decisions in India today.
Readers will not always get a happy ending in “The Newlyweds;” instead, each page leaves readers yearning, perhaps naively, for these couples to finally find equilibrium in their marriage. This is Choksi’s intent. By ending each story abruptly and without resolution, Choksi pushes readers to examine the weight of social norms, especially in India’s current political climate, and the cost of defying them for the sake of love.
May 13, 2023
Choksi succeeds in detailed and empathetic reporting on real, heartbreaking romances alongside the perfect amount of history, law and context. The detail and depth of the story telling, however, made this book drag. As a piece of nonfiction, the author places no judgement on the sources and presents them as they are, but that makes the narrative drag as you find yourself reading sad stories about people that just get sadder. But I suppose that's truth and real life for many of these couples, so that's what has been reported here. I will say, however, that the reporting of the decriminalization of homosexuality was heartwarming and inspiring during a point in the book where I felt none of these stories would end positively.
Again, as a piece of nonfiction I can't judge the story, but the delivery, so I wonder if this book could have been a series of articles and if its long, drawn out delivery stunted the impact of these otherwise incredible stories.
Again, as a piece of nonfiction I can't judge the story, but the delivery, so I wonder if this book could have been a series of articles and if its long, drawn out delivery stunted the impact of these otherwise incredible stories.
May 22, 2024
Mansi Choksi braids such thoughtful and thorough reporting into a narrative that inspires suspense and emotion. She manages to exercise a distinct voice in her writing while still telling the stories of her “characters” in a level, respectful way. It’s feels personal and incredibly intimate. I’m in awe of her brilliance and ability to turn years of reporting into this masterpiece of literary journalism!
May 29, 2023
Loved it! Each story was so impactful and truly showed how marriage in South Asian cultures is, be it cross-religion, cross-caste, or same-sex.
January 9, 2023
I was caught up in this story from the first page. I have been interested in India (historical and cultural) since I read "Jewel in the Crown" many years ago. The author has captured the intricate, complex set of rules that seems to delineate marriage and relationships in a culture far different than mine.
December 15, 2022
This is very well researched book, yet the storytelling is lyrical like a beautiful novel. The themes here are haunting, and you really feel for these couples, what they’re up against and what they’re forced to give up for their love marriages. Parts of Indian society are so unforgiving for young people to explore love and it feels they have to pay the ultimate price without knowing if it’s worth it - incredibly sad. Even though the author puts dates throughout it is jarring to read these stories and imagine it’s truly 2012 or 2017. Worth reading but a tough read, especially if you’re in an emotional state.
August 7, 2022
What a great read. The Newlyweds is sensitive and moving.
July 15, 2023
Following the lives of these couples was engrossing. At times I did feel that I was missing cultural context for how common certain experiences are (namely in events like suicides and honor killings, but also things like family dynamics) and would have liked more informational asides for context. I also would have preferred to read each couple's story all the way through vs in parts, but nonetheless felt connected to all these couples and was cheering for the best for them as individuals and partners.
July 30, 2023
I found this book to be not very well written, and for me, the narrative never really came together. The author used 4 couples as the main focus for her narrative, and in jumping from couple to couple the book never gained any narrative momentum. Overall, the story line seemed scattered, the main characters never came alive, and the ending was abrupt and unsatisfying, with no conclusion being reached. If this book had been better written and edited, it could have been so much more. It could have delved deeply into the conflicts between traditional values in India and the modern desire of young people to marry for love. Instead, this book came across as a disjointed mismash of a narrative. For those reasons, I wouldn't recommend this book.
October 28, 2023
Truly haunting read.
The Newlyweds depicts the story of three couples who fall in love in violation of various Indian norms and pursue a relationship nonetheless. A Hindu woman besotted with a Muslim man; two women who become more than friends; a couple who have transgressed caste expectations. In each scenario, families are outraged, sometimes murderously, and the couples must flee to keep their forbidden romance alive.
The book is achingly written, immersing you in the pain and agony of these couples unlike almost any other nonfiction book I've read. Sometimes I wondered whether this book blends fact with fiction, because it reads like detailed prose. Nonetheless, it was a deeply enjoyable read, in an emotive way that more traditional staid journalism could never hope to emulate.
I have several good friends who grew up in India, and know a fair bit amount about the culture. Still, in reading the book, I realized how little I still know about India. The modern, liberal lives lived by my upper-class friends in Mumbai or Chennai are a world apart from the deeply conservative, rural societies depicted in The Newlyweds. It can be easy to forget that India's culture is one still maturing, where in certain areas women still have vanishingly few rights, and personal happiness is often an afterthought to the wants of the family and society at large. The indifference towards honor killings is stunning, and I felt overwhelming relief that I have so much autonomy and personhood compared to the women featured in this book... not that the oppressive social dynamics are much better for the men.
I really appreciated that the stories depicted in this book weren't happy. There wasn't really a happy ending for anyone. This isn't to say that the couples involved shouldn't have eloped, of course--it simply illustrates how bucking the norm is hard. I found the stories sometimes a bit hard to follow sometimes because it was three couples' stories interweaving with one another, but I suspect the book would have felt like a series of three long investigative journalism articles otherwise. The rise, crisis, and crescendo moments of each couple fell and rose in concert, which added a nice touch, even if it sometimes made it more difficult to follow.
The Newlyweds depicts the story of three couples who fall in love in violation of various Indian norms and pursue a relationship nonetheless. A Hindu woman besotted with a Muslim man; two women who become more than friends; a couple who have transgressed caste expectations. In each scenario, families are outraged, sometimes murderously, and the couples must flee to keep their forbidden romance alive.
The book is achingly written, immersing you in the pain and agony of these couples unlike almost any other nonfiction book I've read. Sometimes I wondered whether this book blends fact with fiction, because it reads like detailed prose. Nonetheless, it was a deeply enjoyable read, in an emotive way that more traditional staid journalism could never hope to emulate.
I have several good friends who grew up in India, and know a fair bit amount about the culture. Still, in reading the book, I realized how little I still know about India. The modern, liberal lives lived by my upper-class friends in Mumbai or Chennai are a world apart from the deeply conservative, rural societies depicted in The Newlyweds. It can be easy to forget that India's culture is one still maturing, where in certain areas women still have vanishingly few rights, and personal happiness is often an afterthought to the wants of the family and society at large. The indifference towards honor killings is stunning, and I felt overwhelming relief that I have so much autonomy and personhood compared to the women featured in this book... not that the oppressive social dynamics are much better for the men.
I really appreciated that the stories depicted in this book weren't happy. There wasn't really a happy ending for anyone. This isn't to say that the couples involved shouldn't have eloped, of course--it simply illustrates how bucking the norm is hard. I found the stories sometimes a bit hard to follow sometimes because it was three couples' stories interweaving with one another, but I suspect the book would have felt like a series of three long investigative journalism articles otherwise. The rise, crisis, and crescendo moments of each couple fell and rose in concert, which added a nice touch, even if it sometimes made it more difficult to follow.
March 30, 2024
Really good book. It’s quite fast paced so it didn’t feel like it took too long. The lesbian couples ending honestly caught me so off guard 😭
July 20, 2023
I am struggling to pen down my thoughts on this book. This has been sat on my TBR for a while and purely because it was the "oldest" on my list, I decided to (finally) make a start. The beginning chapters surprised me; I was not expecting a story on three different couples in modern India, one couple dealing with conflict as they are from different socioeconomic backgrounds/ castes, the other are a Hindu-Muslim pair dealing with religious hate at a time of political unrest under the leadership of a new PM and policymaker and the third are a lesbian couple, trying to find confidence and support within each other to reestablish their identity and present their relationship to the world.
I will laud the manner in which Choksi weaves India's history within the narratives of the three couples, I did enjoy the dualism presented where India is striving for independence over 70 years ago and yet its citizens are still confronted with prejudices despite refusing its colonial authority almost a century ago, the Indians are a slave to a different unjust system which does not allow to express themselves freely. If they do not hide, or run, their families face the harsh consequences. That was difficult to read.
The information in parts felt excessive and was dragging out the book. The fact that this is a non-fiction, true account of these six individuals immediately makes the perspective raw and relatable. It was a bit too detailed in parts for me, the only down side otherwise it was an enlightening and informative read. Thank you @netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of the book in exchange for an honest unedited review.
I will laud the manner in which Choksi weaves India's history within the narratives of the three couples, I did enjoy the dualism presented where India is striving for independence over 70 years ago and yet its citizens are still confronted with prejudices despite refusing its colonial authority almost a century ago, the Indians are a slave to a different unjust system which does not allow to express themselves freely. If they do not hide, or run, their families face the harsh consequences. That was difficult to read.
The information in parts felt excessive and was dragging out the book. The fact that this is a non-fiction, true account of these six individuals immediately makes the perspective raw and relatable. It was a bit too detailed in parts for me, the only down side otherwise it was an enlightening and informative read. Thank you @netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of the book in exchange for an honest unedited review.
May 1, 2022
The NEWLYWEDS - REVIEW
As a South Asian #bookblogger with ancestry from India I knew I had to read this book.
#thenewleywedsrearrangingmarriageinmodernindia by @mansi_choksi and did not disappoint!
This book is really unique as it is a non-fiction read written as a literary story. Choksi takes readers through the reality of marriage in India. We see intimate details and follow 3 couples- a lesbian couple, an intercaste couple and a Muslim/Hindu couple. It’s so sweet to see photos of the couples within the book as well.
As the reader I felt totally engrossed in the life of the couples and their family reactions to their relationships. Choksi explores the legal and state laws in relation to marriage and honour killings in India and then juxtaposes this with the reality of the lived experiences of couples. Overall I give this book 4.5/5 stars!
Thank you @atriabooks and @netgalley for my #advancedreaderscopy . Be sure to check out this book in the Fall!
As a South Asian #bookblogger with ancestry from India I knew I had to read this book.
#thenewleywedsrearrangingmarriageinmodernindia by @mansi_choksi and did not disappoint!
This book is really unique as it is a non-fiction read written as a literary story. Choksi takes readers through the reality of marriage in India. We see intimate details and follow 3 couples- a lesbian couple, an intercaste couple and a Muslim/Hindu couple. It’s so sweet to see photos of the couples within the book as well.
As the reader I felt totally engrossed in the life of the couples and their family reactions to their relationships. Choksi explores the legal and state laws in relation to marriage and honour killings in India and then juxtaposes this with the reality of the lived experiences of couples. Overall I give this book 4.5/5 stars!
Thank you @atriabooks and @netgalley for my #advancedreaderscopy . Be sure to check out this book in the Fall!
October 10, 2023
The Newlyweds details the story of three young couples attempting to marry for love in India, against the wishes of their families. It’s some real, complicated Romeo and Juliet stuff, and all three couples seem to teeter on the verge of death for going against custom. Author Mansi Choksi put in the work to get to know these individuals and I was captivated by their stories. As I am an abortion rights activist in the U.S., it was hard for me not to see the many parallels between honor and custom when placed against the natural urges of young people to express themselves and determine the course of their own lives. My primary piece of feedback is that I wished the three stories were presented in their entirety, in sequence, rather than the format the author chose, which jerks readers back and forth and pulls them out of the narratives. Lisa Taddeo used the format I’ve suggested in Three Women, and it makes for a more immersive reading experience.
September 7, 2022
The Newlyweds follows three couples as they navigate their relationships and marriage in modern India, defying cultural conventions and fighting for true love.
The book reads like literacy fiction, you almost forget that this is the result of years of investigative journalism and real people’s lives. My only wish was that each couple’s story was kept together in its whole, rather than split throughout the book.
This really opened my eyes to the years of tradition that are hard to break in India, and how different life is in the West. On the subject matter and reporting itself, I’d definitely recommend, but the writing style made this a little slow to get through for me.
The book reads like literacy fiction, you almost forget that this is the result of years of investigative journalism and real people’s lives. My only wish was that each couple’s story was kept together in its whole, rather than split throughout the book.
This really opened my eyes to the years of tradition that are hard to break in India, and how different life is in the West. On the subject matter and reporting itself, I’d definitely recommend, but the writing style made this a little slow to get through for me.
October 3, 2022
While I didn't enjoy the writing style, I did find the topics and stories intriguing. I found it quite depressing at times, especially the extortion, honor killings and mention of suicides.
*SPOILER*
There's also not a happy ending for every couple.
*SPOILER*
I also wasn't a fan of how the stories were split up. It didn't really work for me and I think I would've preferred to have them in one part each, converging at the love commando HQ.
The book met my expectations and I'd read more from this author in the future.
Thank you Netgalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.
*SPOILER*
There's also not a happy ending for every couple.
*SPOILER*
I also wasn't a fan of how the stories were split up. It didn't really work for me and I think I would've preferred to have them in one part each, converging at the love commando HQ.
The book met my expectations and I'd read more from this author in the future.
Thank you Netgalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 9, 2023
The fictionalization of the stories is kinda weird and threw me off. The way the different stories were woven together seemed clunky. The ending was kinda abrupt too.
I know it's based on real stories, so I can't expect a happy ending, but why did she pick abusive couples to showcase? Or is that just my Western sensibilities?
The topic is really interesting and I think I learned a lot about corruption in India.
I know it's based on real stories, so I can't expect a happy ending, but why did she pick abusive couples to showcase? Or is that just my Western sensibilities?
The topic is really interesting and I think I learned a lot about corruption in India.
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