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We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship
From the best-selling author of The End of Your Life Book Club-a warm, funny, irresistible book that follows an improbable and life-changing friendship over the course of forty years.
In his last year of university, Will thought he knew everyone he cared to know. A perm-haired, out, gay young man, working at an AIDS helpline in the early days of the crisis, Will found friends and community amongst the theatre students, artists and writers. He also knew who he wanted to avoid: the jocks. Wearing sporty clothes and moving in boisterous packs, the jocks seemed to be a different species entirely, one Will might encounter only at his own peril.
All this changed dramatically when Will was brought into a secret society at Yale, aimed to bring together a group of opposites. On his first day, he was faced with Chris Maxey - a physically imposing, loud, star wrestler who seemed to be uncomfortable around Will and embodied everything he disliked and feared. But through months of mandated dinners, and many beers, the two swapped life-stories and forged an unexpected bond that became ballast in each other's lives for forty years.
From New Haven to New York City, from Hong Kong and London to a remote Bahamian island-through marriages and a divorce, triumphs and devastating losses-We Should Not Be Friends tracks an extraordinary friendship through decades of challenge and change.
A real-life The Breakfast Club story, Schwalbe's marvelous new work is a testament to the miracle of human connection, if only we see past our differences.
In his last year of university, Will thought he knew everyone he cared to know. A perm-haired, out, gay young man, working at an AIDS helpline in the early days of the crisis, Will found friends and community amongst the theatre students, artists and writers. He also knew who he wanted to avoid: the jocks. Wearing sporty clothes and moving in boisterous packs, the jocks seemed to be a different species entirely, one Will might encounter only at his own peril.
All this changed dramatically when Will was brought into a secret society at Yale, aimed to bring together a group of opposites. On his first day, he was faced with Chris Maxey - a physically imposing, loud, star wrestler who seemed to be uncomfortable around Will and embodied everything he disliked and feared. But through months of mandated dinners, and many beers, the two swapped life-stories and forged an unexpected bond that became ballast in each other's lives for forty years.
From New Haven to New York City, from Hong Kong and London to a remote Bahamian island-through marriages and a divorce, triumphs and devastating losses-We Should Not Be Friends tracks an extraordinary friendship through decades of challenge and change.
A real-life The Breakfast Club story, Schwalbe's marvelous new work is a testament to the miracle of human connection, if only we see past our differences.
300 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 21, 2023
246 people are currently reading
11434 people want to read
About the author
Will Schwalbe
15 books1,379 followersGreetings! Since we are both here, I’m guessing you are probably a fellow book-lover. Always great to meet other members of the tribe!
I’ve put a lot about myself in my books, but here are some of the basics. I was born in New York in 1962; grew up in Cambridge, Massachusetts; went to boarding school in New Hampshire, and to college in New Haven, Connecticut. So I consider myself a New Englander, even though I’m not one by birth.
I’ve worked as a journalist, in the television business, and even (briefly, in college) as a substitute teacher. But I’ve spent most of my life in publishing: at William Morrow, and then at Hyperion, where I was Editor in Chief. In January 2008, I left Hyperion to found a startup called Cookstr.com and ran that for six years. It’s now part of Macmillan Publishers, where I’ve worked since 2014.
Books have been the constant in my life. From those my mother read me when I was too young to read, to those my father read us when we could read but still liked to be read to. From books I read under the covers, long after I was supposed to be asleep—including every single thriller by the magnificent Alistair Maclean—to books that I found in my teens that helped me imagine all different kinds of lives, and see the world through others’ eyes.
I’ve written four books. The first -- SEND: Why People Email So Badly and How to Do it Better – was written with my friend David Shipley. The second, THE END OF YOUR LIFE BOOK CLUB, is about the books I read with my mother when she was dying. The third is BOOKS FOR LIVING, about the role books can play in our lives and how they can show us how to live each day more fully and with more meaning. And the fourth is WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS: The Story of an Unlikely Friendship that started in college and has enriched my life for forty years and counting.
I live in New York City with my husband. We’ve been together since way back when I first moved to Hong Kong in 1984. We have one African violet, that’s a bit lopsided; books everywhere; and are obsessed with our neighbor’s adorable chow, Lucky. We also have five godchildren, one niece, and four nephews.
I love meeting fellow readers and hearing from readers about all different kinds of book. I answer everyone, though sometimes it can take me a bit of time. My favorite question to ask or be asked is a simple one: “What are you reading?”
I’ve put a lot about myself in my books, but here are some of the basics. I was born in New York in 1962; grew up in Cambridge, Massachusetts; went to boarding school in New Hampshire, and to college in New Haven, Connecticut. So I consider myself a New Englander, even though I’m not one by birth.
I’ve worked as a journalist, in the television business, and even (briefly, in college) as a substitute teacher. But I’ve spent most of my life in publishing: at William Morrow, and then at Hyperion, where I was Editor in Chief. In January 2008, I left Hyperion to found a startup called Cookstr.com and ran that for six years. It’s now part of Macmillan Publishers, where I’ve worked since 2014.
Books have been the constant in my life. From those my mother read me when I was too young to read, to those my father read us when we could read but still liked to be read to. From books I read under the covers, long after I was supposed to be asleep—including every single thriller by the magnificent Alistair Maclean—to books that I found in my teens that helped me imagine all different kinds of lives, and see the world through others’ eyes.
I’ve written four books. The first -- SEND: Why People Email So Badly and How to Do it Better – was written with my friend David Shipley. The second, THE END OF YOUR LIFE BOOK CLUB, is about the books I read with my mother when she was dying. The third is BOOKS FOR LIVING, about the role books can play in our lives and how they can show us how to live each day more fully and with more meaning. And the fourth is WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS: The Story of an Unlikely Friendship that started in college and has enriched my life for forty years and counting.
I live in New York City with my husband. We’ve been together since way back when I first moved to Hong Kong in 1984. We have one African violet, that’s a bit lopsided; books everywhere; and are obsessed with our neighbor’s adorable chow, Lucky. We also have five godchildren, one niece, and four nephews.
I love meeting fellow readers and hearing from readers about all different kinds of book. I answer everyone, though sometimes it can take me a bit of time. My favorite question to ask or be asked is a simple one: “What are you reading?”
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 460 reviews
November 10, 2022
Absolutely WONDERFUL!!!!!!! review in a day or two - off to the doctor again!!
Soo much heart!!! Fascinating stories - a friendship over decades. Everyone can relate to something in this book with lots of fun book-references, too!
Update: REVIEW
There is so much to love about “We Should Not Be Friends”….The story of a friendship.
It’s daring and unpredictable. . . .
. . . .Reading Will Schwalbe is an intensely personal experience. It’s rich and satisfying . . . Truthful in the deepest sense of the word, and is consistently engrossing from start to finish.
Before Chapter One begins … We read these three powerful quotes:
“All friendships of any length are based on continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die”.
—David Whyte
“After all, what can a first impression tell us about someone we’ve just met for a minute in the lobby of a hotel? For that matter, what can a first impression tell us about anyone? Why, no more than a chord can tell us about Beethoven, or a brushstroke
about Botticelli. By their very nature, human beings are so
capricious, so complex, so delightfully contradictory that they deserve not only our consideration, but our reconsideration—and our unwavering determination to withhold our opinion until we have engaged with them in every possible setting at every possible hour”.
—Amor Towles, “A Gentlemen in Moscow”.
“The only way to have a friend is to be one”.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
For those who read Will’s best-selling Biography & Memoir, “The End of Your Life Bookclub”, remember how unique it was that not only was it about love, loss, a mother & son, but also about books.
Will and his mother both shared a love of books…..and the styling to include so many books discussed — was exhilarating to a reader.
Well, Will does unique again ….(uniquely unique)…. Lots of books mentioned again ….(like getting a yummy dessert with the main meal).
Only this time — Will’s friend wasn’t a ‘book’ guy ….as Will and his mother . . . Will’s friend, Chris Maxey (went by Maxey) was as All-American jock.
Schwalbe and Maxey met in college — Yale — when they were both juniors. Schwalbe the gay, small size smart-as-a whip-nerd …..and Maxey …..perhaps twice Schwalbe’s size and strength…was loud, took up space, and was a top notch wrestler for the Yale team. Academics came easy for Will. Less so for Maxey.
Point is — these guys couldn’t have been more different. And when they met they didn’t particularly like each other. (at first)…
HOW THEY MET….is what readers will find very cool — and interesting as can be. They both were recruited into Yale‘s secret society club.
I’m so tempted—filled with desire to share more about the secret society at Yale — and the ‘amazing’ gifts that grew from it …it’s soooo inspiring ….. but it would be a shame to spoil it.
All I’ll say about the Secret Society at Yale is that it taught students to be more tolerant and open minded. And it was truly a life altering experience.
The verbal AUDITS where each member shared with the group about their very first memory (all confidential), to the present day…pure awesomeness!!! > a WOW reading experience.
I’ve read some great books this year and this is another one of my ALL-TIME-FAVORITE books [lucky me and Lucky you]…..
ITS PURE PAGE TURNING LOVE, ENTERTAINING, INSIGHTFUL, HEARTWARMING, TENDOR, SWEET, with a very moving vulnerability. I admit…..I cried ……I was THAT MOVED!
It has substance and depth that reaches so down into our souls…..you’ll want to put it in the hands of people you cherish.
This is a non-fiction book that reads like fiction with some of the most fascinating stories.
Want to go to Cancun and teach aerobics? Haha…..it’s not what happened ….but readers will be hanging by a thread reading the true story about Maxey’s trip to Cancun. Like trampolines?….
How about a trip to Hong Kong, or a remote island in the Bahamas?
How about another college reunion? What do friendships look like over 40 years? Bar meetups, beer drinking? Hang out spots in New York City, restaurants, marriages, kids, divorce, starting a new business…(an Island school), aging, illness, deaths, weight gain, weight loss, deeper friendship-connecting as the years add on….etc.
Have favorite books you want to re-think about? New tips and recommendations of books ‘not’ read yet?
Like music? Bruce Springsteen, bluegrass, Prince? Gotta a thing for Matt Damon? Want to get a very direct experience what it was like being gay in the 80’s before anyone knew how AIDS was transmitted? Like motorcycles? Had nightmares and worries that nagged at you for years? Want to think about the quality of ‘your’ friendships? Have someone you want to forgive and be forgiven? Want to re-connect with old friends….
This book gives us much to think about.
JUST THE BEST BOOK…..soooo enjoyable. I am a different person, honest to God from having read it.
A couple of excerpts:
“Here’s the thing about being twenty: it all seemed worth the risk. Growing up gay head always involved risk, not just of rejection but a physical violence; maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to keep a knife under your bed if you were inviting people you met in bars into your home”.
“I explained how a librarian at school introduced me to the works of James Baldwin and how I started to admit to myself that I was gay, confiding in a minister at school whom I strongly suspected of being a lesbian. Don’t tell anyone until graduation she advised; I had been elected school president, but we were both sure I would have had to leave had anyone found out. There had never been an out gay student or teacher at my school”.
“I remember swimming one night, with a star reflected on the surface of the ocean and bioluminescence firing up from the depths below me, and saying to myself wow this is beautiful, there must be a God”.
“One of the best things about books is that they are always there for you; they will forgive you endless amounts of neglect and still be ready to greet you, unchanged. I will always love books, but in that moment, I thought that maybe, sometimes, I could keep them waiting for me a bit longer. That’s the thing about true querencia, I realized: the knowledge that it’s always there if you need it — and allows you to go out bravely into the world”.
Favorite…Highly recommend!
Soo much heart!!! Fascinating stories - a friendship over decades. Everyone can relate to something in this book with lots of fun book-references, too!
Update: REVIEW
There is so much to love about “We Should Not Be Friends”….The story of a friendship.
It’s daring and unpredictable. . . .
. . . .Reading Will Schwalbe is an intensely personal experience. It’s rich and satisfying . . . Truthful in the deepest sense of the word, and is consistently engrossing from start to finish.
Before Chapter One begins … We read these three powerful quotes:
“All friendships of any length are based on continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die”.
—David Whyte
“After all, what can a first impression tell us about someone we’ve just met for a minute in the lobby of a hotel? For that matter, what can a first impression tell us about anyone? Why, no more than a chord can tell us about Beethoven, or a brushstroke
about Botticelli. By their very nature, human beings are so
capricious, so complex, so delightfully contradictory that they deserve not only our consideration, but our reconsideration—and our unwavering determination to withhold our opinion until we have engaged with them in every possible setting at every possible hour”.
—Amor Towles, “A Gentlemen in Moscow”.
“The only way to have a friend is to be one”.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
For those who read Will’s best-selling Biography & Memoir, “The End of Your Life Bookclub”, remember how unique it was that not only was it about love, loss, a mother & son, but also about books.
Will and his mother both shared a love of books…..and the styling to include so many books discussed — was exhilarating to a reader.
Well, Will does unique again ….(uniquely unique)…. Lots of books mentioned again ….(like getting a yummy dessert with the main meal).
Only this time — Will’s friend wasn’t a ‘book’ guy ….as Will and his mother . . . Will’s friend, Chris Maxey (went by Maxey) was as All-American jock.
Schwalbe and Maxey met in college — Yale — when they were both juniors. Schwalbe the gay, small size smart-as-a whip-nerd …..and Maxey …..perhaps twice Schwalbe’s size and strength…was loud, took up space, and was a top notch wrestler for the Yale team. Academics came easy for Will. Less so for Maxey.
Point is — these guys couldn’t have been more different. And when they met they didn’t particularly like each other. (at first)…
HOW THEY MET….is what readers will find very cool — and interesting as can be. They both were recruited into Yale‘s secret society club.
I’m so tempted—filled with desire to share more about the secret society at Yale — and the ‘amazing’ gifts that grew from it …it’s soooo inspiring ….. but it would be a shame to spoil it.
All I’ll say about the Secret Society at Yale is that it taught students to be more tolerant and open minded. And it was truly a life altering experience.
The verbal AUDITS where each member shared with the group about their very first memory (all confidential), to the present day…pure awesomeness!!! > a WOW reading experience.
I’ve read some great books this year and this is another one of my ALL-TIME-FAVORITE books [lucky me and Lucky you]…..
ITS PURE PAGE TURNING LOVE, ENTERTAINING, INSIGHTFUL, HEARTWARMING, TENDOR, SWEET, with a very moving vulnerability. I admit…..I cried ……I was THAT MOVED!
It has substance and depth that reaches so down into our souls…..you’ll want to put it in the hands of people you cherish.
This is a non-fiction book that reads like fiction with some of the most fascinating stories.
Want to go to Cancun and teach aerobics? Haha…..it’s not what happened ….but readers will be hanging by a thread reading the true story about Maxey’s trip to Cancun. Like trampolines?….
How about a trip to Hong Kong, or a remote island in the Bahamas?
How about another college reunion? What do friendships look like over 40 years? Bar meetups, beer drinking? Hang out spots in New York City, restaurants, marriages, kids, divorce, starting a new business…(an Island school), aging, illness, deaths, weight gain, weight loss, deeper friendship-connecting as the years add on….etc.
Have favorite books you want to re-think about? New tips and recommendations of books ‘not’ read yet?
Like music? Bruce Springsteen, bluegrass, Prince? Gotta a thing for Matt Damon? Want to get a very direct experience what it was like being gay in the 80’s before anyone knew how AIDS was transmitted? Like motorcycles? Had nightmares and worries that nagged at you for years? Want to think about the quality of ‘your’ friendships? Have someone you want to forgive and be forgiven? Want to re-connect with old friends….
This book gives us much to think about.
JUST THE BEST BOOK…..soooo enjoyable. I am a different person, honest to God from having read it.
A couple of excerpts:
“Here’s the thing about being twenty: it all seemed worth the risk. Growing up gay head always involved risk, not just of rejection but a physical violence; maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to keep a knife under your bed if you were inviting people you met in bars into your home”.
“I explained how a librarian at school introduced me to the works of James Baldwin and how I started to admit to myself that I was gay, confiding in a minister at school whom I strongly suspected of being a lesbian. Don’t tell anyone until graduation she advised; I had been elected school president, but we were both sure I would have had to leave had anyone found out. There had never been an out gay student or teacher at my school”.
“I remember swimming one night, with a star reflected on the surface of the ocean and bioluminescence firing up from the depths below me, and saying to myself wow this is beautiful, there must be a God”.
“One of the best things about books is that they are always there for you; they will forgive you endless amounts of neglect and still be ready to greet you, unchanged. I will always love books, but in that moment, I thought that maybe, sometimes, I could keep them waiting for me a bit longer. That’s the thing about true querencia, I realized: the knowledge that it’s always there if you need it — and allows you to go out bravely into the world”.
Favorite…Highly recommend!
March 20, 2023
My 3 stars are inducing a lot of guilt on my part, because I love Will Schwalbe. His previous 2 books, The End of Your Life Bookclub and Books For Living, were written with so much passion and love for books and the reading life, that I could feel it to my toes. However, the passion is missing in this one.
He tells the story of his 40 year friendship with Chris Maxey, who he met at Yale. Maxey was a jock, he was a bookish gay man. Maxey went on the become a Navy Seal and then to found a school in the Bahamas to teach students about conservation and responsible stewardship of our environment. Will became an editor and author. We get a mini memoir of both men and their families. Will is honest about his inability to share his deepest thoughts with others, and while we get a lot of information about both men's perceived shortcomings, I never felt involved enough, as though I were being held at arm's length.
A good story, and I'm happy to have read it, just to find out more about Will Schwalbe's life.
He tells the story of his 40 year friendship with Chris Maxey, who he met at Yale. Maxey was a jock, he was a bookish gay man. Maxey went on the become a Navy Seal and then to found a school in the Bahamas to teach students about conservation and responsible stewardship of our environment. Will became an editor and author. We get a mini memoir of both men and their families. Will is honest about his inability to share his deepest thoughts with others, and while we get a lot of information about both men's perceived shortcomings, I never felt involved enough, as though I were being held at arm's length.
A good story, and I'm happy to have read it, just to find out more about Will Schwalbe's life.
November 7, 2022
One of my all-time favorite books is Will Schwalbe's Books for Living.
So when I was given the opportunity to read an advance copy of his latest work, We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship, I jumped at the chance to read him again. And wow, he delivered once again.
As with Books for Living, I was captivated by Schwalbe’s excellent writing and storytelling which is just so easy and enjoyable to consume.
In fact, this book has earned the rare distinction of a “Transcon Title” with me.
That’s a book so good that I finish it on a single flight between The East and West coasts. I am typically way too distracted, or tired, (or both) to not put a book down for over 5 hours, rarely reading it straight through. But, even on very little sleep from the night before, I was immersed in this story. (ok, I did catch a bit of a nap while on the typical long taxi at JFK)
In my review of Books for Living , I compare reading it to being in the author’s living room having a captivating and intimate conversation about literature. Now this same author takes things to the next level and invites the reader into not just his house but, pretty much his entire life with transparency, vulnerability and honesty that was somewhat surprising to me. Surprising and very interesting and truly appreciated too.
I actually found myself identifying with many aspects of his story. Such as my own close friend who was worried how I would react when he came out to me as gay in college (NBD) to my own dumb-ass ignorant insensitivity with my words around friends back in those college days as well.
But we learn. And books like We Should Not Be Friends help us to further learn as well as reflect.
Also, in typical Schwalbe fashion, he managed to weave in more wonderful book references and recommendations throughout the story which I really enjoyed. And learning about The Island School was another special discovery with this read too.
Give this book a read. It’s a wonderful story on friendship, over many years, and life in general.
Disclosure: I know (and admire) the author and was given an advance reader copy. I am keeping that copy and buying the book as gifts for a number of friends important to me.
So when I was given the opportunity to read an advance copy of his latest work, We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship, I jumped at the chance to read him again. And wow, he delivered once again.
As with Books for Living, I was captivated by Schwalbe’s excellent writing and storytelling which is just so easy and enjoyable to consume.
In fact, this book has earned the rare distinction of a “Transcon Title” with me.
That’s a book so good that I finish it on a single flight between The East and West coasts. I am typically way too distracted, or tired, (or both) to not put a book down for over 5 hours, rarely reading it straight through. But, even on very little sleep from the night before, I was immersed in this story. (ok, I did catch a bit of a nap while on the typical long taxi at JFK)
In my review of Books for Living , I compare reading it to being in the author’s living room having a captivating and intimate conversation about literature. Now this same author takes things to the next level and invites the reader into not just his house but, pretty much his entire life with transparency, vulnerability and honesty that was somewhat surprising to me. Surprising and very interesting and truly appreciated too.
I actually found myself identifying with many aspects of his story. Such as my own close friend who was worried how I would react when he came out to me as gay in college (NBD) to my own dumb-ass ignorant insensitivity with my words around friends back in those college days as well.
But we learn. And books like We Should Not Be Friends help us to further learn as well as reflect.
Also, in typical Schwalbe fashion, he managed to weave in more wonderful book references and recommendations throughout the story which I really enjoyed. And learning about The Island School was another special discovery with this read too.
Give this book a read. It’s a wonderful story on friendship, over many years, and life in general.
Disclosure: I know (and admire) the author and was given an advance reader copy. I am keeping that copy and buying the book as gifts for a number of friends important to me.
April 22, 2023
While Will Schwalbe was a senior at Yale University, he was inducted into a secret club. At the time, he was told that it would change his life. The club had been in operation for many years and had its own hall. Every year, fifteen members were chosen with diversity in mind. The requirements were to dine together two nights a week and to participate in what were called "audits". Each member was expected to give a 2-3 hours' long talk about themselves (the audit) and the other members were expected to listen and not judge in any way. The hall was open to the students at other times to get together or hang out.
At the time, Schwalbe was self-conscious about being gay. Not only was he dealing with becoming comfortable with his sexual identity, but this was in the early 1980's when the first cases of AIDS were emerging. The illness did not have a name yet. No one knew how it was transmitted. There was no treatment. Schwalbe was experimenting with sex, while being terrified that he would contract the mysterious disease. At the time, he was volunteering on a hotline focused upon gay men's health.
Among other members at the hall, Schwalbe met Chris Maxey. Their paths would never have crossed otherwise. Schwalbe was prepared to tolerate Maxey, but could not envision their ever becoming friends. Maxey appeared to be Schwalbe's polar opposite. Maxey was extroverted, seemingly confident and a "jock". He was a valued wrestler on the University's team. He was as girl crazy as Schwalbe was boy crazy. The memoir is a story of how the two men became unlikely friends and it follows their lives through forty years of knowing each other. There were times when they had to learn how to be better friends to each other, but they hung on to their relationship.
In time, each man found a partner. Schwalbe met David in Hong Kong, whom he eventually married when gay marriage became legal. Maxey met his soul-mate Pam right after college too. They were soon involved in raising four lively children in an unorthodox way.
Both men have been successful in their chosen fields, but have insecurities and challenges just like all of us. Schwalbe is an author and has worked in the publishing business. Maxey, a former Navy SEAL, is the founder of The Island School in the Bahamas. The school is idealistic and one of a kind.
There are so many books about female friendships. This may be the first memoir about male friendship that I've read. I found it to be thoughtful, interesting and moving.
4.5 stars
Content Warning: Illness
Here is an article about the book, with photos of the two friends. https://nypost.com/2023/01/28/heres-w...
You can read about Maxey's Island School here. https://islandschool.org/
At the time, Schwalbe was self-conscious about being gay. Not only was he dealing with becoming comfortable with his sexual identity, but this was in the early 1980's when the first cases of AIDS were emerging. The illness did not have a name yet. No one knew how it was transmitted. There was no treatment. Schwalbe was experimenting with sex, while being terrified that he would contract the mysterious disease. At the time, he was volunteering on a hotline focused upon gay men's health.
Among other members at the hall, Schwalbe met Chris Maxey. Their paths would never have crossed otherwise. Schwalbe was prepared to tolerate Maxey, but could not envision their ever becoming friends. Maxey appeared to be Schwalbe's polar opposite. Maxey was extroverted, seemingly confident and a "jock". He was a valued wrestler on the University's team. He was as girl crazy as Schwalbe was boy crazy. The memoir is a story of how the two men became unlikely friends and it follows their lives through forty years of knowing each other. There were times when they had to learn how to be better friends to each other, but they hung on to their relationship.
In time, each man found a partner. Schwalbe met David in Hong Kong, whom he eventually married when gay marriage became legal. Maxey met his soul-mate Pam right after college too. They were soon involved in raising four lively children in an unorthodox way.
Both men have been successful in their chosen fields, but have insecurities and challenges just like all of us. Schwalbe is an author and has worked in the publishing business. Maxey, a former Navy SEAL, is the founder of The Island School in the Bahamas. The school is idealistic and one of a kind.
There are so many books about female friendships. This may be the first memoir about male friendship that I've read. I found it to be thoughtful, interesting and moving.
4.5 stars
Content Warning: Illness
Here is an article about the book, with photos of the two friends. https://nypost.com/2023/01/28/heres-w...
You can read about Maxey's Island School here. https://islandschool.org/
March 1, 2023
This meandering memoir about the friendship between introvert author Will Schwalbe and extrovert Chris Maxey (known as Maxey) is some of the loveliest self-help I’ve read. I wasn’t that intrigued with the story for the longest time, but I’m glad I kept reading. What helped me was Schwalbe’s turn-arounds: he has all kinds of judgments about how Maxey perceives him, and he is honest enough to admit when he realizes these are his projections. This happens repeatedly in chapters that go from the beginning of their friendship in a club cum encounter group at Yale through to the chapter called “Pushing Sixty.”
I’m more like Schwalbe, but I found myself identifying with Maxey almost as often as I did the author. I’m kind of in awe of extroverts: they have a social stamina and wiring that I just don’t have. But Schwalbe is so honest that I was able to see my own projections with such people and how hurtful my withdrawal or assumptions might be. Ouch and thank you, Mr. Schwalbe.
I’m more like Schwalbe, but I found myself identifying with Maxey almost as often as I did the author. I’m kind of in awe of extroverts: they have a social stamina and wiring that I just don’t have. But Schwalbe is so honest that I was able to see my own projections with such people and how hurtful my withdrawal or assumptions might be. Ouch and thank you, Mr. Schwalbe.
February 20, 2023
What are your favorite books about friendship? Do you keep up with people you met in school?
We Should Not Be Friends: The Story Of A Friendship
By Will Schwalbe
Biographies & Memoirs
(Book Review)
College juniors Will Schwalbe and Chris Maxey are polar opposites, yet they develop a friendship that lasts a lifetime. Their journey through rewarding and tragic moments - both individually and as close friends - kept me glued to the pages of this memoir. A humorous, warm, and witty account of the events that shaped their destiny. Ultimately, it is a wonderful story of self-discovery, friendship and love.
We Should Not Be Friends is available on February 21st.
Thank you NetGalley, Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage and Anchor for sharing this heart warming book with me! Your kindness is appreciated.
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We Should Not Be Friends: The Story Of A Friendship
By Will Schwalbe
Biographies & Memoirs
(Book Review)
College juniors Will Schwalbe and Chris Maxey are polar opposites, yet they develop a friendship that lasts a lifetime. Their journey through rewarding and tragic moments - both individually and as close friends - kept me glued to the pages of this memoir. A humorous, warm, and witty account of the events that shaped their destiny. Ultimately, it is a wonderful story of self-discovery, friendship and love.
We Should Not Be Friends is available on February 21st.
Thank you NetGalley, Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage and Anchor for sharing this heart warming book with me! Your kindness is appreciated.
#WeShouldNotBeFriends #bookishcommunity #bookstagramcommunity #blogtour #readingcommunity #Books #bookfriends #booksbooksbooks #booksta #bookstagram #newtobookstagram #bookreview #bookreviews #instabookstagram #bookish #bookishielife #Audible #newtobookstagram #newtoinsta #newtoinstagra #Bookishcom #trending #bestsellingbooks #b
February 27, 2023
I really enjoyed Will Schwalbe's previous books that were more about books and their importance in our lives, so I was excited to read this new one. But, sadly in this book Schwalbe does not come across well at all - and it's his own telling too. The book is about his unlikely friendship with Chris Maxey - or Maxey as he goes by. They meet when they are both invited to join a secret society at Yale at the end of their Junior year. Schwalbe is openly gay and leery of a loud jock like Maxey, but during their time in this secret society all the members become pretty close. Over the years Schwalbe and Maxey keep in touch kind of sporadically, but as they get older they do seem to deepen their friendship. But, the premise makes it sound like these two unlikely friends became extremely close, while Schwalbe couldn't remember Maxey's kids names for DECADES. To me that is not a close friend. It seemed like they got closer as they got older and both started having some serious health issues. I'm not sure if the health issues is what drew them together or if it was just they happened to still be on each other's radars and as they got older they each appreciated that more. Either way it wasn't a super inspiring story about friendship. Schwalbe seemed like kind of a terrible friend and pretty selfish. As someone who has also chosen not to have children, I work hard to not be a completely selfish person and friend and I do know all my friends children's names... I did think Chris Maxey had an incredibly interesting life and I would love to read a whole book about him and his life. Overall, I wouldn't recommend this one.
February 5, 2024
Is this what men think close friendship is?
February 25, 2023
This is the true story of a forty year friendship between two men who could not be more different. They met as juniors at Yale and bonded as part of an elite secret society. Soon after, their paths diverged, but they checked in periodically and grew closer as the years passed. I wish I could say my appreciation for this relationship grew as I got to know them better, but, unfortunately, that was not the case.
The author, Will Schwaibe, makes his living with words, as a writer and editor, and yet his story feels curiously flat. He presents himself as an unapologetically gay man married to the love of his life, but he is always concerned about being judged by the straight establishment. His long time friend Maxey is a classic jock who becomes a Navy Seal and then moves on to other challenges. Schwalbe paints a vivid portrait of his friend, both his accomplishments and his shortcomings.
His own story is presented with a far greater emphasis on his failings. Through the book he seems overextended, rushing from meeting to conference to assignment all over the world,with barely time to have a conversation, much less a friendship. The irony is at the end of the book are 7 pages of acknowledgements, listing friends he thanks for assisting him in the writing of this book. Seven pages of friends suggests a superficiality that to me indicates an unwillingness to let his guard down. He tells his readers that he has grown and learned from this forty year friendship, but, frankly, I’m not buying it.
The author, Will Schwaibe, makes his living with words, as a writer and editor, and yet his story feels curiously flat. He presents himself as an unapologetically gay man married to the love of his life, but he is always concerned about being judged by the straight establishment. His long time friend Maxey is a classic jock who becomes a Navy Seal and then moves on to other challenges. Schwalbe paints a vivid portrait of his friend, both his accomplishments and his shortcomings.
His own story is presented with a far greater emphasis on his failings. Through the book he seems overextended, rushing from meeting to conference to assignment all over the world,with barely time to have a conversation, much less a friendship. The irony is at the end of the book are 7 pages of acknowledgements, listing friends he thanks for assisting him in the writing of this book. Seven pages of friends suggests a superficiality that to me indicates an unwillingness to let his guard down. He tells his readers that he has grown and learned from this forty year friendship, but, frankly, I’m not buying it.
October 23, 2022
This book was finding my querencia (something you’ll soon learn from reading!)…. I thoroughly enjoyed this trip of what being a friend is! And selfishly, it made me feel good, that in my time between college and career, my guilt that I was being self centered on ME and not those that were around me….was an experience that others went through too. Friends stay with you, whether you speak constantly to them or have silence between you…they will always be there to support you. Be who you are, like who you do….don’t worry about it! Take a deep breath!
March 2, 2023
A beautiful and intimate memoir written by gifted author Will Schwalbe.
I 'met' Will Schwalbe through two of his books: The End of Your Life Book Club and Books for Living. He painted a fascinating picture of himself through the books he shared with his readers. I especially appreciated learning about his relationship with his mother.
This book has allowed me to see Will as Friend as well as Son. His unlikely friendship with Chris Maxey, whom he met at Yale during his senior year, has lasted 40 years. Will, the Nerd; Maxey, the Jock. Will, the Introvert; Maxey, the Extrovert. Will, Gay; Maxey, Straight.
So the story starts in the 80's and describes life and events right up to the 35th Reunion of the 1984 Yale Graduating Class. Much happens in these years, but especially the ups and downs of life and keeping up with friends.
I felt this book read as well as fiction with many interesting stories: travel, careers, and health problems too.
I highly recommend this book.
4 stars
I 'met' Will Schwalbe through two of his books: The End of Your Life Book Club and Books for Living. He painted a fascinating picture of himself through the books he shared with his readers. I especially appreciated learning about his relationship with his mother.
This book has allowed me to see Will as Friend as well as Son. His unlikely friendship with Chris Maxey, whom he met at Yale during his senior year, has lasted 40 years. Will, the Nerd; Maxey, the Jock. Will, the Introvert; Maxey, the Extrovert. Will, Gay; Maxey, Straight.
So the story starts in the 80's and describes life and events right up to the 35th Reunion of the 1984 Yale Graduating Class. Much happens in these years, but especially the ups and downs of life and keeping up with friends.
I felt this book read as well as fiction with many interesting stories: travel, careers, and health problems too.
I highly recommend this book.
4 stars
April 15, 2023
I’ve always reserved my 5 stars for books that bring tears to my eyes. This book did not but what a fantastic book it is. While I did not go to Yale or anywhere close to an Ivy League school, I related to so much of this memoir. Will and I are the same age, lives through similar experiences, attended college during the same years etc. in addition just before reading this I met Will at an author event hosted by Booktowne, in Manasquan NJ. I then spent time talking with him over dinner. A genuine, caring man. An amazing writer and very engaging. His life experiences are amazing which you learn about by reading his books. This book is about his incredible relationship with a man that society would have told you…you should not be friends. Well they were and still are. This memoir will take you through their 40+ year friendship covering all that life throws at you…marriages, children, deaths, triumphs, health issues, and growing older. Excellent read. What is friendship? Read this and find out
December 6, 2022
I found this book to be deeply interesting. On the surface it is exactly what it says it is, the story of an unlikely friendship. At first I thought the premise could not possibly hold my attention but I was very wrong. I thoroughly enjoyed their path to true friendship and delighted at finding parts of myself in both of them. I highly recommend this to anyone!
I received an early copy through Goodreads Giveaways and I'm very happy I got the chance to read it.
I received an early copy through Goodreads Giveaways and I'm very happy I got the chance to read it.
April 3, 2023
The Writing is Stellar and the Story is Thought-Provoking
SUMMARY
WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS is a story about a forty-year friendship between two men who meet in college and were brought together only because of their many differences. Will Schwalbe was an out-of-the-closet, gay bookworm with a penchant for Matt Dillon posters. Chris Maxey was a heterosexual wrestling jock who loved giving hugs and was always in motion. The only commonality between Will and Maxey was that they both attend Yale and were part of a secret club.
Despite these differences, the two remained friends long after their time together in college. Even though separated by thousands of miles, they periodically visited, called, or wrote to each other to keep in touch and share current happenings. This book chronicles the decades of their unfettered lives in college in their twenties, through the recent years when they are dealing with Hurricanes, and Covid, pushing their sixties, and both battling health issues.
The friendship was not always a bed of roses for Will and Maxey. There were miscommunications and quiet periods that often got in their way of honesty. But they kept coming back around, forgiving one another and trying harder to be the best friend they could be. They learned much about life from each other, but it took a while to figure that out.
“All friendships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendship die.”
David Whyte
REVIEW
The writing for this book is stellar, and the story is thought-provoking. An unlikely friendship always makes for a captivating read, but this is about more than the good times. It's also about what happened in between when they weren’t always considerate or open with one another about what was really going on in their lives. In their later years, they were able to talk about the times when their friendship may have stumbled, and that brought them even closer together. It’s a delightful story of both friendship and forgiveness.
Will Schwalbe authored WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS in consultation with Chris Maxey, so there is a nice air of authenticity about the story. I had the pleasure of hearing Schwalbe talk about his friendship with Maxey and this book on a recent book tour, and I highly recommend the experience.
Schwalbe has written several other books that I have also had the pleasure of reading. The End of Your Life Book Club (2012) was about the books he and his mother read when she was dying, and Books for Living (2016) was about how books can lead us to live a better life.
Thanks to Netgalley for an advance reading copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Publisher Knopf Publishing Group
Published February 21, 2023
Review www.bluestockingreviews.com
SUMMARY
WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS is a story about a forty-year friendship between two men who meet in college and were brought together only because of their many differences. Will Schwalbe was an out-of-the-closet, gay bookworm with a penchant for Matt Dillon posters. Chris Maxey was a heterosexual wrestling jock who loved giving hugs and was always in motion. The only commonality between Will and Maxey was that they both attend Yale and were part of a secret club.
Despite these differences, the two remained friends long after their time together in college. Even though separated by thousands of miles, they periodically visited, called, or wrote to each other to keep in touch and share current happenings. This book chronicles the decades of their unfettered lives in college in their twenties, through the recent years when they are dealing with Hurricanes, and Covid, pushing their sixties, and both battling health issues.
The friendship was not always a bed of roses for Will and Maxey. There were miscommunications and quiet periods that often got in their way of honesty. But they kept coming back around, forgiving one another and trying harder to be the best friend they could be. They learned much about life from each other, but it took a while to figure that out.
“All friendships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendship die.”
David Whyte
REVIEW
The writing for this book is stellar, and the story is thought-provoking. An unlikely friendship always makes for a captivating read, but this is about more than the good times. It's also about what happened in between when they weren’t always considerate or open with one another about what was really going on in their lives. In their later years, they were able to talk about the times when their friendship may have stumbled, and that brought them even closer together. It’s a delightful story of both friendship and forgiveness.
Will Schwalbe authored WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS in consultation with Chris Maxey, so there is a nice air of authenticity about the story. I had the pleasure of hearing Schwalbe talk about his friendship with Maxey and this book on a recent book tour, and I highly recommend the experience.
Schwalbe has written several other books that I have also had the pleasure of reading. The End of Your Life Book Club (2012) was about the books he and his mother read when she was dying, and Books for Living (2016) was about how books can lead us to live a better life.
Thanks to Netgalley for an advance reading copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Publisher Knopf Publishing Group
Published February 21, 2023
Review www.bluestockingreviews.com
March 10, 2023
Male friendships don’t seem to be celebrated as often as female friendships, but Will Schwalbe depicts the most unlikely male friendship and conveys perfectly how important that friendship was to both men. There doesn’t seem to be two more different men than Schwalbe and Maxey, but what ties them together is a shared desire for learning and growing throughout life. Schwalbe has his books (many of which have now been added to my TBR list) and Maxey had his school and the ocean, but throughout their friendship these men taught each other a great deal about themselves, their dreams, their fears, and their need for each other. Through sharing with the reader his friendship with Maxey, the author also divulges his own insecurities, biases, and needs. It’s clear that were Maxey not in his life the author would not himself have become aware of these things. This book is a beautiful book about friendship that not only lasts but grows as they age. Maybe on the surface they should not be friends, but it is clear they both are better people because they are. I received a free advanced copy of this book from NetGalley.
March 4, 2023
Maxey is an interesting character. However, I never got a great feel for the author at all. What did he think? We know what he told people but were these his actual feelings? Was he waiting for gay marriage to be legal nationwide or did he just not want to be married for a long time? I never could tell. Other parts of his life were very vague. It felt very cold and he seemed like a clueless, thoughtless person in general. Maxey, however was very warm and giving and it made me wonder why he’d want to be friends with the author.
July 5, 2023
A tale of two friends who sporadically keep in touch and stay just close enough to remain close friends for 40 years. There are highs and lows throughout each of their lives and they both just want to be there for the other no matter how long it’s been since they’ve connected. Side note: how many colleges have secret societies???
March 20, 2023
I love memoirs, and the concept of We Should Not Be Friends, by Will Schwalbe that chronicles his unlikely friendship with Chris Maxey over the course of 40 years really appealed to me. Thankful to #netgalley and #Knopf for gifting me an Advanced Reader Copy to read and review!
This was such a beautiful, funny and reflective look at friendship - both Will and Maxey's, but also the concept of friendship and relationships writ large. Will takes us to the beginning - back to their Yale days where they met at a Secret Society. They were the unlikliest of friends - Will an out, theater kid who spent his spare time volunteering with AIDS causes and Maxey, a lifelong jock.
Like all friendships, theirs experienced its share of ups and downs and twists and turns. But I was very taken both by Wills writing, beautiful and honest, and how reflective of my own friendships this story forced me to be. I think it is normal for friendships to ebb and flow but I was so moved by how Will and Maxey found their way back to each other - both in moments of triumph and moments of despair.
I really enjoyed this one - it has me thankful for my friendships, and thinking about the ones that I need to recommit to. A beautiful tribute to a beautiful friendship.
This was such a beautiful, funny and reflective look at friendship - both Will and Maxey's, but also the concept of friendship and relationships writ large. Will takes us to the beginning - back to their Yale days where they met at a Secret Society. They were the unlikliest of friends - Will an out, theater kid who spent his spare time volunteering with AIDS causes and Maxey, a lifelong jock.
Like all friendships, theirs experienced its share of ups and downs and twists and turns. But I was very taken both by Wills writing, beautiful and honest, and how reflective of my own friendships this story forced me to be. I think it is normal for friendships to ebb and flow but I was so moved by how Will and Maxey found their way back to each other - both in moments of triumph and moments of despair.
I really enjoyed this one - it has me thankful for my friendships, and thinking about the ones that I need to recommit to. A beautiful tribute to a beautiful friendship.
April 1, 2023
Book title - “We Should Not Be Friends”. My review in a nutshell- “You Should Not Bother With This Book”. I almost rated it one star and not sure I have ever rated a book that low. This is teased as a book about a close friendship by two very different men. Spoiler- Maxey and Will are not all that close through most of the story. As a memoir I kept waiting for something more interesting or tragic to occur in their life stories. It never happened. As a Creative Writing teacher, I am used to having my students map/ chart the plot structure of a story. While more applicable in a fiction book, you can still expect some of the same developments in a non- fiction book. While that traditional plot structure is Exposition, Rising Action, Climax, Falling Action and Resolution- a triangle configuration, this story line is a flatline. Nothing ever rises up, no real climax type reveals and a very soft and uninspired ending/resolution. One of those memoirs where I kept expecting something to rise up and captivate. It never came. I know nothing about Schwalbe’s book- “The End of Your Life Book Club”, but take a pass on this one.
September 6, 2023
Love love loved this book. Thank you Grant for the recommendation — made it more special knowing you had just read it. The whole way through, this book made me reflect on the kind of friend I am and the kind I want to be.
There’s no point in holding back a call, text, check-in, for some anxiety about how it may be received. Reach out. Stay in touch. Give updates. Ask for updates. Say what’s on your mind.
This book expresses such profound feelings through the smallest moments — words, or lake thereof, on a phone call. Beautifully written. If this is how non-fiction reads, consider me a non-fiction guy.
Also, heart-wrenching to read post-grad. Already, it really feels like college is the peak of it all. This book only confirms that. Its first chapter is titled “Bright College Years” (which I know is a Yalie song, but also just feels like a stab in the heart). Look at my highlighted quotes for some lines that made me convulse with schoolsickness.
More than all that, though, I’m excited to see the friendships in my life that form, evolve, and grow over the next decades. And the ways they teach me to breathe.
There’s no point in holding back a call, text, check-in, for some anxiety about how it may be received. Reach out. Stay in touch. Give updates. Ask for updates. Say what’s on your mind.
This book expresses such profound feelings through the smallest moments — words, or lake thereof, on a phone call. Beautifully written. If this is how non-fiction reads, consider me a non-fiction guy.
Also, heart-wrenching to read post-grad. Already, it really feels like college is the peak of it all. This book only confirms that. Its first chapter is titled “Bright College Years” (which I know is a Yalie song, but also just feels like a stab in the heart). Look at my highlighted quotes for some lines that made me convulse with schoolsickness.
More than all that, though, I’m excited to see the friendships in my life that form, evolve, and grow over the next decades. And the ways they teach me to breathe.
February 25, 2023
I love Will Schwalbe — "The End of Your Life Book Club" is one of my favorites, and I really enjoyed his podcast, "But That's Another Story" — but this book didn't quite live up to my expectations. While there were some parts I enjoyed, I found that the richest commentary came very late in the book, with most of the pages being filled with various chronological events about Schwalbe himself and his friend, Chris Maxey. What I guess I'm trying to say is that I thought this book would be more about what Schwalbe learned from his friendship with Maxey, and it ended up being more of a recounting of sorts.
February 1, 2023
A memoir, of sorts, of the author's friendship with an unlikely life-long friend. I appreciate the author's commentary on creating relationships with unlikely friends, but I can't say that I had much affection for either character. I loved the author's earlier book, The End of Your Life Book Club, about reading with his mother, but I just couldn't muster the same enthusiasm for this book.
May 8, 2023
Great concept, but 100 pages too long. I really enjoyed the first 50 pages and then it dragged. It felt like more of a recounting of events rather than a reflection on the depth or significance of a friendship.
June 11, 2023
With each chapter, I cared less and less about these two men, let alone about their friendship.
March 27, 2023
In 1979, a girl walked into the very small private christian school I had already been at for a year and completely changed my life. From the moment I walked up to her and introduced myself [something I NEVER did], we became inseparable and in her I found not only a life-long friend, but someone who truly spoke the same "language" that I did and got me more than anyone outside of my family [and not all of them to be honest] did. I have never taken that for granted and after reading this amazing book by Will Schwalbe, I am even more grateful for her and am glad that there are other people out there that have people like I do.
From the first page, this book struck a chord with me and by the end, I found myself weeping - it was such a treat to read about such an amazing friendship that has endured so much and continues to flourish so many years later - it is what everyone wishes for when they start a friendship with someone [and some of us are lucky to get].
Much like Will and "Maxey", Joy and I were separated by years [we had two years of non-stop friendship and then due to so many things, didn't see each other or speak again {though we looked for each other} until late 2013/early 2014 and then didn't physically see each other until our first book club meeting in 2015 and OH THE TEARS. It was glorious. Reading about how Will and Maxey reconnected again and again and how their friendship grew and continues to grow and they continue to learn from each other just made me glad, that in spite of the years lost, Joy and I DID get to reconnect and it was literally like no time had passed and it continues to be like that.
This book is just so great - it has all the best things in it. It has memories, love, friendship, and books. It also talks about all the hard stuff that comes with an almost lifetime friendship - never does Mr. Schwalbe shy away from all the tough stuff and I, as the reader, found so much insight in the things he has learned from being friends with Maxey [and I think you will too].
If you have ever had that "ONE" friend, this book will touch in ways you will not expect and will make you want to pick up the phone to make plans. WELL DONE!!!
**I listened to the audiobook [via Audible] of this and it was glorious. I cried through most of the "Coda" chapter and then the surprise at the end. I highly recommend experiencing this book that way.
Thank you to NetGalley, Will Schwalbe, Chris Maxey [because truly, this book would not exist without him so he needs thanked too] and Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
From the first page, this book struck a chord with me and by the end, I found myself weeping - it was such a treat to read about such an amazing friendship that has endured so much and continues to flourish so many years later - it is what everyone wishes for when they start a friendship with someone [and some of us are lucky to get].
Much like Will and "Maxey", Joy and I were separated by years [we had two years of non-stop friendship and then due to so many things, didn't see each other or speak again {though we looked for each other} until late 2013/early 2014 and then didn't physically see each other until our first book club meeting in 2015 and OH THE TEARS. It was glorious. Reading about how Will and Maxey reconnected again and again and how their friendship grew and continues to grow and they continue to learn from each other just made me glad, that in spite of the years lost, Joy and I DID get to reconnect and it was literally like no time had passed and it continues to be like that.
This book is just so great - it has all the best things in it. It has memories, love, friendship, and books. It also talks about all the hard stuff that comes with an almost lifetime friendship - never does Mr. Schwalbe shy away from all the tough stuff and I, as the reader, found so much insight in the things he has learned from being friends with Maxey [and I think you will too].
If you have ever had that "ONE" friend, this book will touch in ways you will not expect and will make you want to pick up the phone to make plans. WELL DONE!!!
**I listened to the audiobook [via Audible] of this and it was glorious. I cried through most of the "Coda" chapter and then the surprise at the end. I highly recommend experiencing this book that way.
Thank you to NetGalley, Will Schwalbe, Chris Maxey [because truly, this book would not exist without him so he needs thanked too] and Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
October 29, 2023
I absolutely loved this!! What a great story about a friendship that began at a secret society at Yale but developed into a long and rich relationship that has continued over half a century. An excellent case for reconnecting with old friends, even if you’ve been out of touch. I laughed and I cried. Many unexpected twists and turns. I can’t recommend this enough.
June 13, 2023
I loved End of Your Life Book Club and thought the premise of this book seemed cool. But wow, I'm amazed that an editor read this book and thought it was good and that a publisher thought it should be published. It was sooo boring. Did he have a two book deal and this was the best he could come up with??
It starts off with a long-winded and boring recounting of a weird secret club at Yale and the club's members as the starting point to introduce Will and Maxey. The recap of all the secret club activities and interactions tries SO hard to make them sound so different, so the reader will think "Wow, these guys could never be friends, this is crazy!" but it feels like a total stretch.
From there we go into many years of Will and Maxey basically losing touch or only staying in touch intermittently, so we get some (boring) descriptions of random phone calls or dinners in NY. Will is NOT a good friend and says numerous times that he can't keep track of Maxey's kids or their names, he forgets to donate to Maxey's new nonprofit school, doesn't call him when he hears that he's struggling and so on. I found it very odd. If anything, the whole book seems to be about Maxey trying to be a good friend to Will, who is incredibly wrapped up in his own life and apparently incapable of doing much to show that he cares about other people besides himself and his husband?
I was really bored the entire book. Why did I finish it? I don't know, but don't bother picking this one up.
It starts off with a long-winded and boring recounting of a weird secret club at Yale and the club's members as the starting point to introduce Will and Maxey. The recap of all the secret club activities and interactions tries SO hard to make them sound so different, so the reader will think "Wow, these guys could never be friends, this is crazy!" but it feels like a total stretch.
From there we go into many years of Will and Maxey basically losing touch or only staying in touch intermittently, so we get some (boring) descriptions of random phone calls or dinners in NY. Will is NOT a good friend and says numerous times that he can't keep track of Maxey's kids or their names, he forgets to donate to Maxey's new nonprofit school, doesn't call him when he hears that he's struggling and so on. I found it very odd. If anything, the whole book seems to be about Maxey trying to be a good friend to Will, who is incredibly wrapped up in his own life and apparently incapable of doing much to show that he cares about other people besides himself and his husband?
I was really bored the entire book. Why did I finish it? I don't know, but don't bother picking this one up.
October 1, 2023
Will Schwalbe is a wonderful writer whether writing about the books he shared with his mother at then end of her life, telling us which books have really influenced his life, or in this case describing his improbable 40+ year friendship with Chris Maxey, former Navy Seal and educator. I flew through this at a very stressful time, so once again Will, thanks for helping me out. Will and Chris meet and get to know each other while they were seniors at Yale and both were recruited into the same secret society. A diverse group, Will develops friendships with others with different interests and backgrounds, but his friendship with Maxey grew as he keeps realizing they have more in common than differences. Also, this book left me embarrassed as I am not nearly as good as either of these guys when it comes to keeping up with old friends. I am so looking forward to shaking Will's hand and discussing this book in a small group in NYC!
March 16, 2023
A bit of a disappointment. The book was billed as a friendship between two completely opposite men who never should have been able to be friends. One is a typical jock and the other is Will Schwalbe, the author, and a gay intellectual type. They meet as students at Yale and bond as members of an odd sort of secret society. They remain friends through ups and downs for forty years. It's an interesting story of friendship, but my thought was why shouldn't they be friends? It shouldn't have been such a big deal. I had hoped for a story about two people with much deeper divides like those engendered by the era of Trump. So many friends and families have been split by the toxic political climate we are now living in and I was hoping for some insights into how to maintain lifelong friendships when you have totally different world views and truly existential differences.
August 17, 2024
A weird but interesting book that revolves around the authors unusual friendship with his total opposite. They met in college and the book follows their friendship through the ups and down of life. I think I’m too young to appreciate/ relate to the book. I’ll try and read it again in ten years and go from there.
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