WTF Berlin: Expatsplaining the German Capital

by Jacinta Nandi

It's been a squillion years since Jacinta Nandi arrived in the German capital – and like Jesus, she has suffered, so you don't have to. In this collection of short texts, she'll tell you everything you need to know about stingy male "feminists", oppressive church taxes, unnecessary Anmeldungen – and how to make the perfect German Abendbrot (exhausted cucumbers are key).

Why are Berlin house numbers so confusing? Why does everyone love dogs and hate babies? And do you really need to learn German to survive in this city? Join Jacinta on her expatsplaining journey through the German Hauptstadt filled with ketamine and glitter, judgy grannies and scary Beamte, and, of course, Currywurst and pain. A travel guide is nice to have – but this book is essential if you want to survive in Berlin!

Auf Deutsch:
Survivaltipps für Berlin: Jacinta Nandi lebt seit 20 Jahren in Berlin. Satyrs erstes englischsprachiges Buch versammelt ihre Erkenntnisse über Kirchensteuer, deutsches Abendbrot, rassistische Beamte und den Geiz männlicher Feministen. – Dieses Buch ist der unverzichtbare humoristische Überlebensratgeber für alle Expats und Berlin-Besucher*innen.

240 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 2, 2022

Reviews

[Liralen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll keep it short: This was entertaining and at times even informative, but I tired pretty quickly of the format (Berlin by the ABCs, basically) and what felt at times like overwhelming negativity. That is: you don't have to love everything about the place you're living! Perfectly reasonable to criticize! Criticize away! But...when anything you might like about that place gets completely lost in the sarcasm and jadedness...at what point does one say, gently, 'Is this still the right place for you?'

My s.o. also read this and thought this was like a subgenre a friend was grousing about recently—twentysomething expats writing heavily autobiographical fiction about their exploits, written to appeal primarily to other expats. But I think this is more...what those twentysomething expats writing heavily autobiographical fiction write twenty years later.

This is largely compiled from a column Nandi wrote (writes?), as I understand it, and maybe I'd prefer it in column form, where one is only getting small doses at a time. Glad I read it, but if it falls off the shelves into a 'donate' pile, I'll shrug and hope it goes to a more appreciative home.

[Ankita · Rating 1 out of 5]

Picked this book expecting some relatable humor about expat life in Berlin. Had to put it down because the writing was extremely negative towards Germans and none of it was funny.

Also ANYONE USING ALL CAPS in the middle of sentences should automatically get 0 stars. It reads more like a long drunken WhatsApp rant about a bad expat experience than a book. For an author who has spent 20 years in Berlin, she sure has a lot of spite for its people. Sad.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a recent Zugezogene, I found this collection of observations on living in Berlin, Germany and the German soul in general entertaining, welcoming, and occasionally illuminating. It made me feel like one of Jacinta's very many super cool friends commiserating over Weißweinschorle on just how mean German grannies are and the numbers don't make any sense.

[Daniël Cloete · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was very excited about this book, but I don't think I'm the target audience. Flicking to a random page, it's easy to think "oh nice, original and funny", but reading a whole book of it was a bit much.

I can see why Jacinta's column is popular. It made me sad though. Either she thinks she needs to write with so much edge because she thinks it's necessary, or she has really earned it the hard way which is awful.

The funny thing is that her quick wit and sense of nuance is definitely there, but it's buried under a pile of profanity and sometimes nonsensical rambling that doesn't convey the insights clearly. The writing is artificially toned down to the extent that when there is an actual spelling or grammar mistake (the book could have done with one more edit that wasn't all about adding funny footnotes) I had to reread the sentence to make sure I hadn't just gotten lost. This caused a few headaches. ALSO PLEASE DON'T BE THAT PERSON THAT WRITES IN ALL CAPS IN A PUBLISHED WORK! Again - it doesn't help! Your amazing vocabulary does a better job of converging outrage than a cheap punctuation trick.

At the risk of rambling as much as her though, I'll stop here. Not what I was hoping for and it easily could have been.

[MR S · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very enjoyable for any expats who've spent time in Berlin. Inspiring and helpful for those of us who always feel like we should finally get around to actually learning German. Possibly too many in jokes for anyone who hasn't lived here.

[Donald Hutchison · Rating 3 out of 5]

finding relatable moments on the absurd hypocracies and uncanny parts of german culture is like chicken soup for me, but there's too much corona pandemic lockdown

[Meadow · Rating 2 out of 5]

Entire book was just the author hating on Berlin 😂

[Alixe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it. I love everything Jacinta Nandi writes, and I’m only sad that there aren’t more books by her. The stories are funny, blunt and SO TRUE.

[Vasilija · Rating 1 out of 5]

It looks as she didn’t experienced anything, as she heard something and just slapped it. I don’t even believe that she spent one summer in Berlin, yet 20 years. The written is shallow and just insulting.