De vele gezichten van melancholie

by Alain de Botton, The School of Life, Henk Moerdijk (translator)

Melancholie is een goed bewaard geheim. Melancholie is geen depressie of woede of bitterheid, maar een wijze, kalme, acceptabele en zachte reactie op de tegenslagen en moeilijkheden in het leven. De melancholische gemoedstoestanden die in dit boek zijn beschreven, uitgelegd en geïnterpreteerd, zijn heel herkenbaar. De melancholie die je ervaart op zondagavond, tijdens de puberteit, na de seks of op een feestje. De vele gezichten van melancholie biedt een gevarieerd portret van een ondergewaardeerde gemoedstoestand die noodzakelijk is om tot nieuwe inzichten te komen.

Genres: Philosophy, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2021

About the author

Alain de Botton is a writer and television producer who lives in London and aims to make philosophy relevant to everyday life. He can be contacted by email directly via www.alaindebotton.com

He is a writer of essayistic books, which refer both to his own experiences and ideas- and those of artists, philosophers and thinkers. It's a style of writing that has been termed a 'philosophy of everyday life.'

His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], minutely analysed the process of falling in and out of love. The style of the book was unusual, because it mixed elements of a novel together with reflections and analyses normally found in a piece of non-fiction. It's a book of which many readers are still fondest.

Bibliography:
* Essays In Love (1993)
* The Romantic Movement (1994)
* Kiss and Tell (1995)
* How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997)
* The Consolations of Philosophy (2000)
* The Art of Travel (2002)
* Status Anxiety (2004)
* The Architecture of Happiness (2006)
* The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)

Reviews

[chasingholden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally! An incredibly well written book that celebrates the most neglected but valuable emotion we can feel:: melancholy. I happen to be on of those people who lives life in a near constant state of melancholy, a really misunderstood state of being that has not been properly discussed much less explained until now.

The main point of this book is to point out that above all else melancholy is NOT depression, rage, or bitterness We are not cynical or in need of medication, Rather it’s a serene, wise, and kindly response to the difficulties of being alive, a perspective that steers a mid-way course between despair on the one hand and naïve optimism on the other. Contrary to popular belief the truth remains that there may be no better way to confront the misery and lack of wholeness or direction than to settle on melancholy

Personally, this reader feels as though melancholy can be a philosophy of sorts, a useful, practical perspective that allows people to view much of life's experience in a different sort of light (that is often mistaken for shadows by most of the people we know). Melancholy spares us from many disappointments in life as The Melancholy approach life in such a way that allows us serenity in the face of chaos. While others fall a part we remain strong. By now, you may be shaking your head, or rolling your eyes believing that we are delusional at best, Before you complete write me off however, grab a copy of this book and prepare to walk away with a better understanding and maybe even the strength to allow yourself to join us in our different but valid celebration of life.

Varieties of Melancholy is a perfectly crafted collection of the various forms of the most recognized states of melancholy and provides expert quality explanations and reasonings in a way that is easy to read and understand. I have no doubts that this will be a golden tool for teaching the masses what melancholy is and what it is not by diving right in to the thought process of the melancholic person and step by step leads readers to the truth hidden behind the emotion from beginning to end.

I highly recommend this book to everyone who enjoys psychology, sociology or are just plain curious as to what is between the pages of this eye catching title.

Thank you to netgalley and the School of Life for providing an e-copy for me to read so I can share my honest opinions on this material.

[i · Rating 3 out of 5]

منتقد درونی همیشه یک منتقد بیرونی بوده که درونی شده است.شما با خودتان همانطوری صحبت میکنید که زمانی شخص دیگری با شما صحبت کرده است یا درباره خودتان احساسی دارید که زمانی شخص دیگری چنین احساسی را در شما ایجاد کرده است.

کتاب رو کاملا اتفاقی و بدون هیچ پیش زمینه و هدفی از کتابفروشی تهیه کردم اصلا نمیدونستم همچین چیزی هم وجود داره ،چند صفحه خوندم و بعد خریدمش! این اتفاق به ندرت میوفته قبلش کلی درمورد یه کتاب تحقیق میکنم. عنوان نسخه فارسی کتاب[افکار مالیخولیایی درما]ست. کتاب ازبخش های زیادی تشکیل شده که عمده بخشها میشه گفت جذابه و یسریاشون واقعا نکته خاصی نداشتن. در کل کتاب بدی نیست

[Isabelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

De schrijver was erg bezig met wij als 'melancholieke mensen', waar ik toch een beetje de kriebels van kreeg. Na dit boek gelezen te hebben voel ik me minder melancholisch dan gedacht, ook goed om te weten.

Wel een fijne quote die ik wil uitlichten:

"Mensen voelen zich meestal niet eenzaam omdat ze helemaal niemand hebben om mee samen te zijn, maar omdat ze onvoldoende mensen kennen die begrip hebben voor hun serieuze en eigenaardige kant. Een vriendelik persoon om een maaltijd mee te delen is snel gevonden, en er is ook altijd wel iemand met wie je een praatje kan maken over het weer. Maar een gesprek over koetjes en kalfjes zal onze eenzaamheid niet wegnemen. Onze eenzaamheid gaat pas weg wanner de ander vol begrip reageert wanneer we hem of haar vertellen over onze problemen en ons verdriet.
We voelen ons niet langer eenzaam wanneer er eindelijk iemand is die wil aanhoren hoe ingewikkeld we seks vinden, hoe bang we zijn voor de dood, hoe jaloers we soms zijn, hoeveel zogenaamd kleine dingen ons beangstigen, hoezeer we onszelf soms verachten, hoe jankerig we kunnen zijn, hoeveel spijt we ergens van hebben, hoe verlegen we zo nu en dan zijn, hoe moeilijk onze relatie met onze ouders is, hoeveel onbenut potentieel we hebben, hoe onzeker we zijn over bepaalde delen van ons lichaam en hoe emotioneel onvolwassen we nog altijd zijn. Juist door eerlijk te zijn over deze in potentie gênante en weinig besproken kanten van de menseliike natuur, verbinden we ons met anderen en maken we een einde aan ons isolement."

[Matthieu Wegh · Rating 4 out of 5]

?De titel sprak mij ook aan omdat ik melancholie moeilijk te omschrijven vond. Ik las van deze auteur eerder met genoegen De troost van de filosofie
🤔In de meeste hoofdstukken las ik interessante en/of herkenbare dingen, er waren maar een paar hoofdstukken, die mij niet aanspraken. Dus weer een interessant filosofisch boek van deze auteur.
MW2/3/25

[Lady Fancifull · Rating 2 out of 5]

Extended Essay : Repetitous, somewhat trite. Written by committee?

This was disappointing. I gave a slightly higher rating than I would have accorded the text as I did like the illustrations, the art works, which were far more profoundly engaging with the subject matter than the somewhat superficial writing, with its annoying ‘we’ lumping ‘us melancholics’ in a way which seemed, it I’m honest a trifle pretentious, ‘ain’t we special’.

I say this as somewhat who knew, from quite young, that I had a temperament inclining towards the melancholic. Which, again, I knew quite early was different from depression. Which I have also suffered from, and is completely different, possessing a stuckness, a heaviness, whilst melancholia (in my own experience of it) is fluidic, volatile, and easily lifts into, not happiness, necessarily, but revelations of joy.

In some ways, those classical humours – melancholic, sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, seem a more comfortable acknowledgement of nature, without what I found somewhat toe curling in this, - its rather ‘we special group’

The format analyses what melancholy is and isn’t, and then divides into dozens of short chapters. Melancholia in the supermarket, melancholia in sorting socks, melancholia whilst clipping your toenails, etc. Okay, I have over-egged the approach somewhat, but I was beginning to expect this.

I think I began to bridle most at the at the psychobabbly ‘The Womb and Melancholy’ and its analysis that this is the beginning of the condition because it is the lost Paradise we all long to return to. This was an unbelievably simplistic, not to mention, erroneous global analysis of the in utero experience. Those who work with neonates, and their mothers, may have much more refined understanding here, and though we would all want the foetal experience to be safe, there are many for whom, for a multiplicity of reasons, ‘safe in the womb’ may not have been the experience.

I wish that the writing itself had possessed more of the felt quality of its subject matter, as the pictorial reproductions so ably had ‘felt sense’ about them

I did gain ONE thing from this book which was an introduction to the modernist artist Agnes Martin.

I requested this as an advanced review copy from the publishers, via Netgalley, and am obviously grateful for the opportunity. Even if for the most part only my inner irritability was activated.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Het gebrek aan bronvermelding en de stricte opdeling tussen ‘melancholie’ en ‘normaliteit’ vond ik storend. Dat neemt gelukkig niet weg dat dit boek voelde als een zacht deken. Het werpt een andere blik op ‘melancholie’, zonder de negatieve connotatie die daar gewoonlijk mee gepaard gaat. Het schuift eerder melancholie als een duidelijk doorvoelde vorm van acceptatie naar voren, herkenbaar gemaakt in het dagdagelijkse. Een aanrader voor iedereen die geneigd is tot een melancholische levenshouding.

‘Mochten melancholische mensen aanspraak kunnen maken op enige vorm van superieure intelligentie, dan is dat niet omdat ze heel veel boeken gelezen hebben of zich zo fraai in het zwart hullen. Dan is het omdat ze de eindeloze reeks teleurstellingen zo goed als mogelijk hebben kunnen verzoenen met de incidentele wonderen van het leven.’

[Ana Júlia H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Se mais alguém que tem olhos que enchem de lágrimas por nenhum motivo, ou por todos os motivos.. esse livro também é para você.

Um guia para mentes melancólicas, é claro que chamaria minha atenção! o que eu não sabia, era o tanto de mim que eu encontraria ali dentro.. Alguns capítulos mais que outros, mas foi toda uma leitura muito para dentro.

(lembrete de conseguir o livro físico um dia para poder ter todas as milhões citações em mãos !)

“A child will laugh because something is funny; a melancholy adult will laugh with greater depth still, because they know how many things are so sad”

“It can take kindness to make us realise how much suffering we were holding in. It can take beauty to make us realise how ugly thinks have become.”

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Varieties of Melancholy describes different instances in which you might feel melancholic: when thinking of adolescence, looking at art, or travelling home after a long trip.

The School of Life books are always such a feel-good bedtime read. A wonderful piece to feel more at peace with your melancholic feelings. This book pairs well with Small Pleasures in a dynamic yin-yang way!! Despite the title, this book reflects hopeful tones and I am all for it. My favourite entry is on Sunday evenings.

[Rebecca Boliandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un saggio molto piacevole e commovente su una minoranza sempre più esigua, sempre più emarginata. Quelli che si sono già dati per vinti ancora prima di iniziare a vivere, quelli che sentono costantemente il "mal di vivere", incapaci di trovare il loro posto nel mondo in mezzo a tutta la sua brutalità. Quelli che preferiscono rifugiarsi nel loro mondo, nella loro parte più intima, o nelle braccia dei pochi che riescono a capirli. Quelli che più di tutti hanno in realtà osservato e accettato il dolore della vita e la piccolezza dell'essere umano.

[Atieh · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read the Persian translation. Though it was enlightening and gave me a relatively deep understanding of melancholy, I think it should have been translated and edited more precisely. There were many mistakes that made the comprehension of the book a little hard.

[Jeff Chay · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read that delves into the ways of the wistful pessimist. Given how much certain varieties of melancholy described here actually resonated with me, I suppose this book also shed light on some subtler, lesser-known shades of myself.

[Ananti Wungudita]

not gonna lie but this one was quite boring, i dragged myself through it.

[Britney Halbur · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I picked this up, after having originally got it a long time ago, having just gone through the loss of a friend. I’d been struggling with the day to day, and found my outlook on life had been severely diminished. While I did find some comfort in a lot of aspects of this book that I identified with, I almost found more comfort in the areas I didn’t.

I really appreciated the outlook of melancholy coming with an overall philosophy of life, of having a certain deeper appreciation for close bonds and the loneliness at a party meant to boost joy, and of daring to sit in the uncomfortable to drain it of its foreignness. But I felt almost relieved that I didn’t have such a pessimistic view of the world and that I had more hope for my own future as compared to those who are truly melancholic.

While I can’t say that this book helped me with my grief (it wasn’t intended to, but I sought it out anyways), I can say that I feel validated in a lot of my inner turmoil and questions about life, even if I don’t feel like I got many answers. Sometimes it’s just nice to know that you never truly are alone in your emotions, because even if you don’t know anyone else experiencing the same thing as you, they’re out there.

For anyone who is truly melancholic, I think this would be a very validating book. And for those who aren’t, it’s just interesting to see how you can identify very differently but still connect on a lot of the same features, and learn about other people’s outlook when trying to form your own.

[Arezoo · Rating 5 out of 5]

کتاب شامل بخش‌های کوتاهیه در مورد تاثیر سودازدگی/مالیخولیا بر تجربه‌های هرچند کوچک فردی، از دیدن عکسای قدیمی گرفته تا سیاست؛ هدف کتاب برطرف کردن سودازدگی نیست، به‌نظرم هدفش بیشتر به رسمیت شناختن و حرف زدن از این احساسه.
کتاب در مورد موقعیت‌های ساده و ظریفی حرف می‌زنه که یک سودازده غریبانه بارها در زندگی تجربه‌ش می‌کنه‌، غمگین بودن در طبیعت، سفر و یا مهمونی و یا هر احساس غمی که انگار تا حدودی نامتعارفه و پذیرفتنش ساده نیست، آلن دو باتن فلسفه‌ی پشت این غم‌های کوچک سرزده رو باز می‌کنه و این موضوع کمک می‌کنه که خیلی راحت‌تر باهاشون کنار بیایم.
بعد از خوندن این کتاب، از غمگین بودن کمتر می‌ترسیم، کمتر ازش فرار می‌کنیم و می‌پذیریم که میشه سودازده بود و خوب زندگی کرد.

[با عنوان افکار مالیخولیایی در ما ترجمه شده، من این بخشارو بیشتر دوست داشتم: غزل ۲۹ شکسپیر و سودازدگی، اگنس مارتین و سودازدگی، هوکوسای و سودازدگی، تاهیتی و سودازدگی، باغبانی و سودازدگی]

[Eleanor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Melancholy comes in different forms and arises from various causes. Everyone can experience moments of existential crisis, self-doubt, longing, and loneliness. Humans are so insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe, which can be a soothing reminder that we all share these experiences. No one has a perfect life or lives in peace all the time.

As for the cure for melancholy, it involves accepting your limits and focusing on the small pleasures and the few good moments in life. Excessive expectations and hope can be detrimental. Embracing stoicism can mean living life honestly.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful book. I want to say I am so happy I found it, but it found me, in a moment where I really needed it. It describes, in a surprisingly simple but deep way, things I have not managed to put in words, even though I have felt them my whole life.

[Murali Veeraiyan · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a hardcore melancholic, after reading this book, I feel appreciated and glad to be on the right to feel melancholic. I also discovered more areas/spaces to indulge in melancholy. Definitely recommend this book and melancholic attitude to most people.

[Kelly Deriemaeker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Merci Alain, merci. 🫰🏻

[Eva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heb mezelf nog wat beter leren kennen door dit boek, maar love Alain de Botton ook

[Mieke · Rating 3 out of 5]

Verschillende hoofdstukjes.
Goed begin, matig midden naar einde toe, en een sterk laatste hoofdstuk.

[Jackyho1127gmail.Com · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book with a Chinese translation from Taiwan named 憂鬱的種類：關於陰暗情緒的希望指南 with ISBN：9786267095539 so it maybe leads to a little bit different in the use of words.

In the beginning, the writer refined our understanding of melancholy which is mentioned in this book does not talk about depression which was a psychological disease rather than emotion. This book provides another perspective on how people communicate with melancholy and describes melancholy as not barely a burden but also a positive power of improvement to individuals and society.

Melancholy is defined as follows:

1. Melancholy is not resentment. People who have melancholy still remain glimmer optimism so they will not be deeply disappointed and roar with anger. They early understand most of the time in life is pain so it shapes his world of philosophy. As ordinary people, they do not want to suffer, tread with a bad attitude and hard living but they do not have the confidence to believe there is another way of living.

2. Melancholy is not anger. Initially, perhaps there is anger in melancholy, but already vanished and become a soft and philosophical attitude which can bear the imperfections of everything. They always think "I know it " against desperate things. " I know she wants to break up with me." "I know this store is permanently closed. " " I know he will deceive me."

3. Melancholy is not equal to dilution disorder. The bad things must come. They know the bad things do not only appear on themselves and do not come from the mistake they make. Only when you live long enough, the bad things will come to everyone. The fortune of everyone will be drained sometimes.

4. Melancholy is not cynicism. They do not think of pessimism as a defense mechanism and destroying everything to protect themselves. They still can find some happiness from small things and hope one or two details can work smoothly. They just know there is no absolute.

5. People who have melancholy know imperfection in all things and understand the difference of reality and fantasy so they good at aware of the small good things like flowers, tender sentiments in a child's book, a good act from a stranger, sunshine sprinkled on the old wall can make them feel touching.

This book does not develop a model to analyze every situation we maybe meet but use simple concept, explanation and solution based on different situation. There is no order between each chapter so readers can read the chapter based on the situation they meet. The chapter that most impressed me is "Loneliness & Melancholy" and "Sonnet 29 & Melancholy".

In Loneliness & Melancholy, the writer mentions a man feels lonely not because they cannot get along with others but not many friends can understand their sincere and eccentric phase. At the same time, people with melancholy delude someone with their fake stories. They cannot reveal themselves to others easily. They make a story to tell his life almost fake not because they used to but because they feel embarrassed, knowing their way of living deviates from a decent life. The end of loneliness is to unlock the door of your heart.

Similarly, the writer in Sonnet 29 & Melancholy uses Shakespeare's poem to say " What can appease our heart is face against the deepest fear." We should be brave to judge the most terrible situation, stripping strangeness and not barely use a glimpse with embarrassment to the situation.During this moment, we should express our emotions, weakness, and pain to others completely and break the feeling of isolation and unaccepted but well-treated and dignified.

There is one impressive description to people with melancholy."Disappointment and happiness are not intellectual achievements. The real achievement in personality is controlling your temper when life is missing; embracing hope when you are failed.As if people with melancholy claim they are more wise then others not because they read a lot and wear fashionable blank cloth but they find a balance in endless disappointment and surprise in their lives.To people with melancholy, writer think we can use love to perform redemption.In "Extinction & Melancholy", writer illustrate 3 types of love:

1. The love towards strangers. You should love others as yourself(It seems like told in the bible) and think they should have kindness and mercy from others like us.

2. The love towards the unborn.You should care the unborn comes to the world and the people we have never met before because our selfishness will affect their life.

3. The love towards truth. You should face against the dilution and lie, facing the inconvenient truth bravely.

Even if there is endless pain, disaster and tragedy in our lives and get along with others, we still can convey our love to blessing and nestle up against each other everyday.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

My thanks to NetGalley and the people at The School of Life for an advanced copy of this essay collection on emotions.
"Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun'. If these lyrics make a reader go, yes I do, alas you might be experiencing melancholy, an emotion that is not talked about much, but one that can effect and affect the mind and life in many different ways.

Varieties of Melancholy by The School of LIfe, is a book that describes this feeling, a malaise that creeps up on you, not quite depression, not quite sadness, but a feeling that sneaks up on a person, and makes that person go hmm. Rainfalls, little league games, comic books, a perfume, a strong smell of drink, all these are triggers. The remembrance of better days when the world was all for you, and now it is gone never to be.

Through essays and examples the writers try not just to define melancholy, but list the varieties of what makes a person melancholic. Birthdays, parties not attended, lost opportunities. All these make the brain act different, so that even the most positive among is seems to find the day a little darker, and the sun not so bright. This is interesting mainly because I thought depression and melancholy went hand in hand. However melancholy can a person deal with the world, as it forces one to look back and think, I was sad at the time, but it did not kill or harm me. So maybe what I am dealing with today will be the same.

Not a cure all, or some sort of happiness making book. More a book on perceiving and understanding an emotion that is not sad, maybe rueful is a better definition. An intriguing gift for maybe that cynical person, who can always be counted on to see the worst. This might help round out some of their emotional corners.

[Sashka Stojakov · Rating 4 out of 5]

melancholy – (n.) sadness that lasts for a long period of time, often without any obvious reason.

This is how melancholy is defined in the dictionary, but while you are reading this book, you can see in fact how much melancholy is intertwined with our everyday lives and in any walks of life. The idea behind this book is to show us that melancholy isn't a scary thing, it is something that can help us become a better person and maybe show our artistic aptitude or cooking talent.

This would be more of a serious read, there are no riveting plot twists or enthralling love stories, there are encounters of real life people, mainly artists and their vent of melancholy through their art. There are notions of hobbies or other every day activities that can be connected to melancholy. There is something in nature that can remind us of it as well.

If you are ready to get to know melancholy in person, check this read out.

[Kelly Well Read · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. This book caught my eye because I am a melancholic sort myself, and hoped to find a "hopeful guide to our somber moods." It partially succeeded in its delivery. Some chapters were definitely misses for me and I skimmed; but others were absolutely relatable. I found some great quotes and appreciated the broad subjects connected to melancholy: history, literature, psychology, politics, art, and the human condition. I enjoyed Varieties of Melancholy, overall. This review is based on an eGalley of the forthcoming hardback edition to be published August 2, 2022, and I thank the publisher for an early read.

[Maui Rochell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here's to my 2nd The School of Life book read and definitely not the last. I chose this one among the many options because I was curious how this book looks like and feels like and I felt so understood in so many levels.

My personal favorites were, Hokusai & Melancholy (where one of the popular photos of Mt. Fuji and Sea Waves came from), Introversion & Melancholy and finally the Inner Critic & Melancholy.

The topics were vast and some were profound and well researched. I also loved the comparison between Melancholic and Romantic and how one should not lean to the extremes but must have a balanced sense of both.

[Louise Foerster · Rating 5 out of 5]

With VARIETIES OF MELANCHOLY, The School of Life has once again provided a thoughtful and thought-provoking exploration of what it means to be human. This exploration of "gentle sorrow" goes directly to the heart of what is often dismissed, ignored, or diagnosed as disorder and suggests a different view that embraces melancholy and the gifts it brings. I particularly enjoyed the art accompanying each of the explorations and the direct exploration of common experiences such as Sunday evening melancholy, gardening, and parties. I received an early copy of this book and these opinions are my own, unbiased thoughts.

[bug · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book is mostly focused on circumstances in which one may experience melancholy, such as looking through an old album. Many of the chapters, each different scenaro split into its own, read as a personal journal in which the only reality is the author's. maybe this is relatable to some but I interpreted the tone as pretentious and self piteous. I was hoping to find some sort of scientific insight or artistic effort but it was lack luster imo.

I can see this being helpful for someone who isn't familiar with the experience of melancholy or associated emotions.

[Ann T · Rating 3 out of 5]

The School of Life explores Melancholy and provides the reader with alternative ways of understanding a usually bleak, depressing emotion. Through pictures and various written means melancholy ‘s place in the world is explored; often through the eyes of an artist.

This book offers a different perspective on melancholy and shows its place in our world. An interesting read.

Thank you School of Life and NetGalley for this ARC.

[Leila · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Far more than any pill, what we crave in our
melancholy state is a warm-hearted community that understands the
sorrows of life and is kind enough to allow us to sit with our feelings for as
long as they may require to pass"

And this is exactly what this book gives us, a safe place where we are reminded that it is okay to feel melancholia and that we are not alone in this✨

[Michael White · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like a lot of the School of Life stuff, this is very readable, easy to pick up and put down, and is a consolation during difficult times while being realistic about life's more unpleasant facets (which I greatly respect and appreciate).

However, the 'varieties' of melancholy that were explored could have been a bit more comprehensive.