All the Young Dudes: Sirius's Perspective - Volume Four: 'Til The End

by Rollercoasterwords

Cover art by moony cig.

Genres: Fan Fiction, Fantasy, LGBT, Harry Potter, Romance, Dark Academia, Gay

681 pages, Paperback

Published October 18, 2021

Reviews

[Char · Rating 5 out of 5]

wonder how many times i’m gonna reread this and atyd throughout the rest of my life because i’m betting on a Lot

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

the last conversation in the last chapter is what actually happened, i don’t make the rules. also there is now a gaping hole in my heart because wtf do i do now-

[Kyria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Almost cried on a train reading this. The happy chapters hurt more than the actual sad chapters.

[lane ദ്ദി◝ ⩊ ◜.ᐟ · Rating 5 out of 5]

"In the end, the only person Sirius managed to hate was himself, for loving Remus even as it killed him, bit by bit, every day."

(Edit 25.04.24: I would just like to point out how quickly the attacks during the war escalated like. Yes people were always getting killed but the ramp-up from Death Eaters to VOLDEMORT HIMSELF GOING AFTER JAMES AND LILY. Wow.)

[sianllouise · Rating 5 out of 5]

i feel like any book that makes me sob that violently deserves 5 stars

[valeria · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Not James! He was the very best of them. He was the one who had to make it, no matter what. How could there be a world without James Potter? You might as well picture a world without kindness, or laughter, or mischief.”

james potter. i miss you. come home.

[Frede · Rating 5 out of 5]

wtf bitch

[emily anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

5⭐️

a cottage in a village near the forest with their emporium 😭😭

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

clawing my heart out with my bare hands would have been less painful than this…but I already miss it

[Maëla Cyr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish i could forget everything and read ATYD and sirius’ pov all over again. All 4000 pages.

[cas · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Oh, love, he thought, through the haze in his mind, you’ve grown up without me.’

**

I WANT TO SCREAM that was so sad like i cried on a BUS reading this one, it’s so painful. and now im like hungry for more so i will probably just go on reading Harry Potter or something to fill the current hole in my heart.

OVERALL: i related to Sirius a lot more than i did Remus when reading this series so it felt more meaningful. i still think the original is the GOAT but this one had such a KICK to it for me like the homophobia, the sibling angst, just the way sirius THINKS is so real.

10/10 amazing i was so sad for most of this experience xx i will think about them forever.

[Wylie Hooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars is simply not enough.

[oenhedda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gråter.

[Lili · Rating 5 out of 5]

this made me feel physically ill and as happy as i’ll ever be at the same time. the love i have for these characters is insane and sirius perspective hit a little too close to home. It is so well written and all in all just amazing work!
i’d put myself through all this all over again.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Escape
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30159
There. Across the road was a boy, standing alone in the dark. He had a trunk, for some reason, which he was rummaging through, back turned to Padfoot. Abruptly, he straightened and turned, squinting into the dark. James, Sirius screamed, from inside the dog’s body, James. Whatever was left of him shattered as he stood, staring at the ghost of his best friend. It was like going back in time. Like he was thirteen again, standing across from Prongs in the Gryffindor common room.
Return to Hogwarts
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30243
upper floor. In that room. But Sirius didn’t go in there—not since the first day, when he’d walked in as Padfoot and it had hit him like a ton of bricks. Fifteen years. Fifteen years, and it still smelled like Moony. The memories were a storm; a torrent; a flood. Sirius had nearly drowned in them, gasping and stumbling back, slipping into human skin just to escape the overwhelming senses of the dog. Moony.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30324
He watched the players rising, battling the storm, and—James. Padfoot shook himself. The bubbles had turned to knives, a sharp twisting in his chest. No. That was Harry. That was Harry, flying with the Gryffindor team. A quidditch player, just like his father. Can you see this, Prongs? Sirius found himself asking, silently, Look at him fly—just like you.
Opportunity
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30410
Because how could he smile, in a world where James and Lily Potter no longer existed? How could he feel anything but sorrow?
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30420
His heart leapt as he watched Harry walk out onto the field, smiling and laughing with his teammates, Firebolt clutched in his fist. His fellow Gryffindors watched reverently as he mounted the broom, and then—He was off. Oh, Sirius thought, battling the painful surge of joy that stole his breath, Oh, Prongs, how I wish you could see this.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30435
Harry was twisting, tearing his wand from his robes and pointing it at them, screaming, “EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Miraculously, silver light burst from the end of his wand—the shape coalesced into powerful muscle, stamping hooves, and there, on its head, pointed and sharp… Prongs. For a moment, Sirius forgot to breathe. Prongs, it’s me.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30462
There was the fireplace, where he had spent so many evenings with his friends; the desk where he’d plotted pranks with James, the couch where he’d sat with Mary, the stairwell where he and Remus had…
Reunion
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30598
He was beautiful. Achingly, painfully beautiful. Oh, love, Sirius thought, through the haze in his mind, You’ve grown up without me.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30602
“Where is he, Sirius?” It took everything in him not to crack, not to throw himself at Remus’s feet. Say it again, he wanted to beg, Say my name again.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30641
Professor Snape? Sirius wondered if he had misheard—surely they weren’t talking about Severus Snape?!
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30662
“The map,” Remus explained, “The Marauder’s Map. I had it in my office—” “You know how it works?” Remus waved a hand. “Of course I know how it works; I helped write it. I’m Moony—” Sirius’s heart clenched as he said it, “That was my friends’ nickname for me at school.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 30719
Remus began to laugh, and for a moment Sirius’s eyes darted away from the rat, because—Oh. He had nearly forgotten that sound. How had he nearly forgotten it?
Return
Markierung(gelb) - Position 32103
“Now I have work for each of you. Fudge’s attitude, though not unexpected, changes everything. Sirius, I need you to set off at once. You are to alert Remus Lupin, Arabella Figg, Emmeline Vance–the old crowd. Lie low at Lupin’s for a while; I will contact you there.” There was a strange ringing, in Sirius’s ears.
Moony
Markierung(gelb) - Position 32385
“May I?” He spoke softly, gently. Sirius stared at him, helplessly. You can do anything, he found himself thinking, pathetically, Anything you want to me. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
Grimmauld Place
Markierung(gelb) - Position 32491
they were hoping to open their own Prank shop to rival Zonko’s. Molly loathed the idea. Sirius loved it. Remus pretended to remain neutral, but Sirius could tell that he secretly loved it, too.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 32529
But it still hurt. It hurt because Sirius was selfish, and possessive. It hurt because a part of him was still angry, still spiteful, still whispering from the darkest corner of his heart: I wouldn’t have given up on you, if the positions had been switched. I would have never loved again. You already had it—it was already yours, all the love I ever had to give.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 32532
After all, there were so many stars in the sky—it wasn’t Remus’s fault that there was only one moon.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 32906
Sirius sagged into Moony’s arms, waiting for his heart to stop screaming in his chest. Eventually, he pulled back. Remus watched him, searching his face—that cautious expression that Sirius couldn’t stomach. Moony had been many things with him, before, but he had never been gentle. Sirius hated it. He hated that he needed it.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33045
Once the Weasleys moved back into the Burrow, it would be just him, Remus, and Harry at Grimmauld Place; they’d eat together at the kitchen table, and decorate Harry’s room with posters of his favourite quidditch team, and Sirius could show him all his favourite records…
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33093
“We have been at a slight disadvantage, since we gave Harry the map.” “It was the right thing to do, Freddie,” George said, affecting the air of a long-suffering martyr, “There were others more in need of the marauders.” Sirius blinked, feeling as though he’d just been hit with a stinging jinx. “Marauders?”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33105
Sirius found his eyes prickling suspiciously with moisture, even as he smiled. “Well,” he said, hoarsely, “Sounds like quite the map.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33201
“Remus,” he whispered, hardly able to push the words past teeth, “We’re doing the right thing, aren’t we?” Remus said nothing, for a long time. Eventually, he reached out, drawing Sirius to his chest, holding him tight. “I think… we’re doing the only thing that we can do, love.” He murmured. They lay awake for a long while, after that.
Autumn 1995
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33298
“How could you believe it?” He asked, voice breaking before it could even leave his throat, scraping raw across his tongue, “How could you ever think that I would—” Remus was holding him so, so tightly. “I’m sorry,” he said, face pressed into Sirius’s hair, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” “Did anyone fight for me?” Sirius asked, words hardly a whisper, “Did anyone… did anyone try?” Remus shook his head, helplessly, and Sirius felt the movement against the back of his skull. “I don’t know.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33488
“Did you hate me?” his brother repeated the words, face pressed so close to the frame that Sirius could see the brushstrokes in his eyes, “I always wondered.” “Reg…” “I hated you,” the portrait said—and then he was speaking quickly, words coming out in a rush, “I hated you, and I wanted to protect you, and I wanted you to save me. And I wanted—I always wanted to see you again. Always. I missed you. And I hated you for that. I hated you so, so much.” Sirius was crying. He couldn’t stop; he could taste the salt on his lips, stinging. “I hated you too,” he said, words twisted up in grief, “So much, Reg.” The portrait lifted a palm, and Sirius raised his own hand, placing it flat against the canvas. They stood, face to face, watching each other with identical eyes. “I tried to save him,” Sirius said, “I did.” “I know,” Regulus nodded, sadly, “I think… he tried to save you, too.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33510
He turned, slowly. He looked at his brother, one last time. “Will it hurt you?” He whispered. Regulus shook his head. “I’m a painting, Sirius,” he said, softly, “I can’t feel pain.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33627
“Come on, quit making fun,” he muttered. Sirius leaned in closer, steadying himself with a hand against Remus’s thigh. “Why?” He murmured, grinning against the taller man’s neck, “Going to put me in detention?” His fingers slid higher, teasingly. “Sirius—” Remus gasped, as Sirius began to kiss his neck again. “Yes, professor?” Remus groaned, and the sound sent a lick of heat down Sirius’s spine. “For Christ’s sake, don’t call me that.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33659
“Moony, I do not know how to emphasise enough that that thing you do with your tongue is a gift—” “Shut up, you wanker.” “Well, you could always make me again…” Remus laughed, shaking his head, and leaned back against the headboard.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33666
Remus swallowed, passing the box over and watching, nervously, as Sirius slid it open. He looked down. He stopped breathing. “It’s not—” Remus said, quickly, “I mean… I know how you feel about… it’s not some—big thing, or anything, just—I mean, I know we can’t really—well, actually I dunno, maybe it’s different with wizard law, but even if we could—I mean, it’s really not the time, and I’m not expecting—it’s not…” Sirius stared down at the matchbox, feeling as though his heart might burst. Nestled together in the cardboard, side by side, were two rings: simple, solid gold bands.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33675
I just wanted something.” “Something?” Sirius asked, looking up. Their eyes met, and caught, and tangled together. Sirius wondered, vaguely, if they hadn’t been twined together from the very start, from that first moment twenty-five years ago when he’d looked up at the Hogwarts Express and seen a boy in a window on a train. Hadn’t they been searching for each other again, ever since? Didn’t their eyes always end up back here, somehow, together? “A promise,” Remus said, softly, “That we’ll be together. If that’s—something you want.” “Moony,” Sirius felt himself smiling, even as tears pricked his eyes, “That’s all I want.”
Christmas 1995
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33931
“I’m really, really happy that you’re here for Christmas, Harry. I… I know I’m not… I mean, I’ll never be…” “I know,” Harry said, quietly, “It’s ok. I’m… really happy to be here, too.” He smiled, tentatively, and Sirius had to fight back the tears that jumped into his eyes. “Ah, c’mere, kid.” He pulled Harry into a hug, squeezing him tightly, and mumbled into the bird’s-nest hair, “I really bloody love you, you know that, right?” Harry hugged him back, glasses poking into Sirius’s shoulder. “Yeah,” Harry mumbled, voice a bit shaky, “I know.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33987
“I was terrified.” Sirius murmured.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33989
“What?” He asked, frowning, “Why?”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33990
“Why d’you think?” Sirius wrinkled his nose, “Because I was in love with you, idiot.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33992
“Oh.” Remus lay back down, “Really?”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33993
“Yeah,” Sirius said, softly, “I mean… I was still figuring it out. But I was.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33995
“I think I always was.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33996
Remus breathed in, a short, sharp sound.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 33998
“Yeah,” he whispered, after a moment, “Me too.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34044
Sirius briefly entertained the idea of transforming into Padfoot, just so that he could leap across the table and bite the man.
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34188
“I thought you liked Tonks.” “Not when she’s hanging around all the time,” Sirius seethed, “It’s bloody annoying—she’s always so fucking loud, and she never sits still—” “That’s funny,” Remus slammed two mugs down on the counter, “Because I was going to say she reminds me a bit of you, when you were young.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34215
“I can’t even blame them, because I want to leave me, too.”
'Til the End
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34358
“You’re lovely,” Remus murmured, watching him. Sirius hummed, passing the joint over and laying his head against Moony’s chest. “I can hear your heartbeat,” he sighed. Remus inhaled, exhaled; his chest rose and fell. “Fuck,” Sirius breathed, sighing again, “I wish we could just… stay here, like this, forever.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34389
“I love you. They—they buried me, Remus. They buried me. Twelve years, and they took everything. My… the memories, the happiness, my—my mind. But they couldn’t take this. They couldn’t touch it. Twelve years, and every day I loved you.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34396
“Nothing on this earth could take me from you, do you understand?” He was touching Remus’s face, catching the tears with his thumbs, “Not the fighting, not this war—if I died, I think I’d love you even then. Don’t you understand? I can’t leave you, not if I tried, not if I wanted to.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34522
“Hey,” Remus said, gently, “Hey—look at me.” Sirius did. He was beautiful. “It’s going to be alright,” he said, softly, “We’ll tell him, Sirius. We’ll tell him everything. It’s not—it’s never going to be enough, I know that, but… he will know James. We’ll make sure of it.” He smiled, gently. “Alright?” Sirius sighed, a long exhale. “Alright.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34682
“Yeah! Moony & Padfoot’s Spectacular Emporium—everything you could ever want or need: stories, music, beer…”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34686
“Got it,” Remus laughed, shaking his head, “A cottage in the village near the forest.” “And our Emporium.” “And our Emporium.”
Markierung(gelb) - Position 34690
They lay together, side by side. Their hearts beat. The moon shone. The stars glittered. Sirius held a love like a universe, beautiful and dark and bright, tucked impossibly in the space behind his ribs. He looked up, into the eyes of the man who had placed it there, and saw the same infinity reflected back—despite everything. Because of everything. For a moment, forever stretched between them, threaded into blood and breath and bone. Eventually, Sirius closed his eyes. He fell asleep to the sound of Moony’s heart, the steady beat of it wrapped in his hand. And when he slept, he dreamed.

[christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where to even begin….

I’m a moony girl. I love reading remus’ pov cause it’s me. I am him. He is me. But sirius perspective gave me the missing info I needed. and made me feel tremendously more connected to him. Def more of a Sirius kin then I thought I once was.

There was so much to unpack in narcissa’s pov. In Reg’s letter, he said it wasn’t a s*icide. But I mean it was?!?!? Cause he knew he would die. or be killed afterwards if he survived. it absolutely floored me finding out that reg would be Draco’s godfather. The black brothers would be the bestest godfathers if they both got to fully do it properly. (Reg said he would’ve loved them to death I’m fucking crying). And big slay that narcissa told reg about her pregnancy before Lucius.

When did reg really die though. Cause in this story it’s august. But the internet tells me October and December so someone let me know ?!?!

Ohmygod the emmeline & dorcas part. THE WHOLE EARRING THING was gorgeous. One of the worst parts of this entire story was emmeline having to kill Elliott outside Abraxas’ apartment. Like he was just an innocent lil boy going to work, who seemed so nice to emmeline and idk that part just felt so heavy for some reason.

Was so mad at Sirius thinking Remus was the spy. When James got hurt Sirius listed out the people who he told the location to. He didn’t tell Peter yet he somehow showed up. Like Duh?? use your brain Sirius!!! and the mckinnons +yaz’s death was Peter’s “initiation” into the order :(
the whole spy thing was a rough little section to get through. And all of Peter’s little comments made me so mad. Idk why they didn’t suspect him considering he’s ”working later and later shifts at the ministry“ and they barely see him anymore except for order meetings. It’s not like you know the guy very well anymore. HOW COULD YOU EVER THINK SWEET LITTLE MOONY COULD DO SUCH A THING?!?

The whole Hallwoeeen 1981 chapter was insane. First of all, petunia is horrible, but she lost her entire family in the same week. That must feel absolutely terrible. Then Sirius going to the potters house and asking for hagrid to give him harry. (Wolfstar raising Harry would’ve been so good for him, but also unsafe I guess. so ugh…) The whole trial was fucked . And Sirius realizing that moony will probably think he did do it cause Sirius didn’t even trust moony earlier. So fucking terrible. Sweet little Sirius deserved so much better and Peter is absolute trash for doing that to him. At least Sirius had his happy little ending. He had a few years after Azkaban with Remus and Harry and was happy with the small bit of time he got to spend with them <3

WHY COULDNT THEY USE VERITASERUM THOUGH?? why wouldn’t they be doing that for every trial or at least very serious(no pun intended) trials like this one. They could have easily figured out Sirius didn’t do it. Just like they should’ve had veritaserum when no one would believe Harry about the dementors even though he insisted he was telling the truth, in ootp. Would be so simple right???

It’s so sad that Sirius basically missed the entirety of the 80’s. He would’ve loved the fashion and the music.

Sirius seeing James in Harry is so sad but so beautiful. And probably a bit healing for him. It’s what he needed<3

LOOVED the prisoner of Azkaban part. And the shreiking shack scene was 30 pages lol. I’ve now read that scene from 3 different povs. Adds even more depth to it. Sirius inviting Harry to live with him is Sirius returning the favor. Cause James gave him a place to stay. They never got to be a “proper family” :(
Sirius hearing Remus tell Harry about the prank = all too well (Sirius’version) (12 years version) (from the whomping willow) (sad girl azkaban remix)
Sirius writing to Harry during goblet of fire telling him to stay safe and follow the rules . He has the blood of a marauder, Sirius, be serious.

I love grant <3 but grant is like the sun. remus is obviously the moon. And the sun and the moon are never in the sky at the same time. But the moon and the stars(sirius)are like this 🤞🏻. Remus and Sirius were meant to be. Grant was only me at to be in remus’ life for just a certain amount of time. But Grant saved him during those 12 years. Moony was a mess and idk what would’ve happened if he had absolutely no one. Ugh I love grant so much and he deserves the world. But remus always loved Sirius more and never stopped.
A quote from grants inner monologue: “he had never known two people could be simultaneously so angry with each other and so much in love. And it was love. Without a doubt.” Might be my fav part of this entire story. Cause it is too damn accurate for them.
And also, grant reminiscing on seeing Remus for the first time: “he was so quiet and so closed up even though there was clearly a universe inside of him” 🥹
I love grant so much. His chapter may be my favorite chapter in the entire hp universe. He just sums everything up so perfectly. It felt magical even though he is not magical himself. I need him to be my best friend. I hope he had the life of his dreams, post-remus. <3 grant is a fruity little slice of sunshine.
There is such an obvious void, this whole ending without James. :( at least they still got mini James.

“After all, there were so many stars in the sky-it wasn’t Remus’ fault that there was only one moon.”

Sirius destroy reggies portrait cause neither of them wanted to be stuck in that house :(

Ok so Sirius’ 36th(last bday) was already going so sosososo.well. And then I read that moony had a gift, in a tiny matchbox and that he knew how Sirius felt about it and something about the Wizarding law…that’s all I needed to read to KNOW. AND I WAS IN A COMPLETE STATE OF SHOCK I did not see that coming at all but it is what I needed. ITS WHAT THEY NEEDED. They’re basically married. They have rings. They did it their way. And yeah wow. Incredible. Beautiful. At a complete loss of words. That was the most beautiful scene<3
AND THEN FOR MOONYS BDAY Sirius made a spell himself to put their heartbeats into rings. Which moony probably felt Sirius’ stop when he died.

“Hey look at me” Sirius did, he was beautiful.

And the reunion with Mary at the end.
Sirius continually saying that Harry is gonna live with him and Remus. Mary is gonna be utterly destroyed again, when she finds out about their deaths. Although I know she saw it coming.

Then the 2 of them talking about their future when the war ends 3 beautiful perfect ending. but what happens shortly after, outside of this book haunts me. Sobbing. Moony had to have been numb after Sirius died. His world shattered. So he used tonks as a distraction. If he was alone he’d spiral himself or drink himself to death. Tonks would never be Sirius, or Grant but she was a distraction for him while he was busy trying to finish the fight that he promised he would fight for Sirius, for James & Lily and Harry.

even though these boys didn’t live entirely long lives, they still had the most special relationships, platonic and romantic. they had their found family that they were incredibly close with. Which not everyone has the pleasure of having. so. in my eyes they lived “fuller” lives than some people who lived until they were in a nursing home. even though they experienced so much pain. they had so many happy moments, more than some people who live to they’re 80 have. ya know? I just think that the people in their lives made their lives worth living, despite everything that happened. These dudes are all so special to me <3

I read HP, then ATYD, then ATYD sirius’ pov all back to back. And this was a gorgeous ending to the canon timeline. onto au’s now, that will probably make me just as sad & happy at the same time.

[Alessia · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Ashlee · Rating 5 out of 5]

ouch 😀

[noor]

i read all the parts of this fic two years ago except for this last part . i could not bear the angst nor the pain to read it through sirius’ pov . today i decided to tackle the bull by its horns and now i’m ugly crying ❤️ sirius my sweet sweet boy :(

[Cheryne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carrément je suis tombée à genoux

[Cátia · Rating 5 out of 5]

very disturbing.

"THEY ARE ALIVE" I scream as they drag me to the asylum

very disturbing, indeed

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

my heart hurts i feel incomplete like everything i have ever loved has been ripped away from me 😭😭😭😭

[inês · Rating 5 out of 5]

def the hardest part to read. literally the first war chapters and the askaban chapters should be illegal because i suffered so much?!?!?
this was dark and made me cry but i loved it
and honestly, it ended perfectly. i just wish my babies had a happy ending
i don’t think i’ll ever recover from this

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the hp rewrite section and holy Sirius Black you deserved so much better.

Some of those lines hurt me way too much, I love you atyd so much.

“The rest of it didn’t belong to him, not anymore- it belonged to somebody else, a boy who had died fourteen years ago in a house in Godric’s Hollow”

JAMES’s EULOGY TO HIS DAD? Didnt know that’d hurt so much

The rings? His thoughts? His life? He just deserved more time with James and a happier life and the more and more I think about it Harry Potter is such a tragic dark series

[Aylin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will be thinking about them for the rest of my life.

[Alba Kalaja · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading AYTD, I had a hole in my heart. I thought reading Sirius' perspective was going to help me, and, somehow, it has. I originally planned to stop at the end of seventh year, but the masochist in me needed to stay with my baby boy Sirius through Azkaban. Was it painful? Absolutely. Was it worth it? A thousand times yes. It broke me and it healed me. I'm grateful to Rollercoasterwords for adding more Sirius & Moony time to the original version of ATYD. Every single one of them was precious—I needed a happy ending for them. Despite all the pain, Sirius's grieving process helped me grieve as well. I loved reading about those brief moments where he's his old self and to see Remus be the rock Sirius needed (just as Grant had been for him, sob). And the rings scene—happy tears everywhere. These two little gay wizards deserve everything, and now nobody can convince me they die. I refuse whatever JKR wrote. I don't care. They help Harry defeat Voldemort, and they live happily ever after.

Some quotes that brought me to tears:

“Padfoot was a strong dog, a good dog. Padfoot would keep him safe. Padfoot would keep him quiet, keep him shut up tight. Padfoot would eat when the boy wouldn’t, and sleep when the boy couldn’t. Padfoot would go on living, even when the boy could not.”

This will haunt me forever. It is so deep and meaningful. Rollercoasterwords, you are an evil genius.

“After all this time, Sirius hadn’t realised that there were still new bits of his heart left to break. But as he stared down at the date, printed in small, neat letters, something cracked, permanently, in his chest. [...] Twelve years. Twelve years, and Remus had never come for him.”

This was a new kind of pain. No one fought for Sirius, no one.

“Across the road was a boy, standing alone in the dark. He had a trunk, for some reason, which he was rummaging through, back turned to Padfoot. Abruptly, he straightened and turned, squinting into the dark.
James, Sirius screamed, from inside the dog’s body, James.
Whatever was left of him shattered as he stood, staring at the ghost of his best friend.”

What can I even say at this point...

“Oh, love, Sirius thought, through the haze in his mind, you’ve grown up without me.”

Literally broke me.

“Their eyes met, and caught, and tangled together. Sirius wondered, vaguely, if they hadn’t been twined together from the very start, from that first moment twenty-five years ago when he’d looked up at the Hogwarts Express and seen a boy in a window on a train. Hadn’t they been searching for each other again, ever since? Didn’t their eyes always end up back here, somehow, together?”

Perfection. I was bawling.

“I want to talk to James!”
It was a howl, ripped from his throat. Remus stared at him, shocked—and then Sirius was crying, ugly, wracking sobs that shook his entire body.
“I—I want to talk to Prongs, I need him—”

THAT DIDN'T HURT AT ALL. Sirius’s grief for Prongs is so raw and relatable.

[Érik · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wanted to finish it all before giving a rating and a review.

I loved every second of this. If we’re comparing, i think i liked the original more, in certain parts.

The 7 years at hogwarts goes to the original. The war chapters is a toss up between the two, and the harry chapters goes absolutely to this one (no contest really).

I liked the writing of the OG better, still really like the writing of this one tho.

It is still so sad, and amazing and gritting. The azkaban chapter was just pure depression, i loved it.

I still grieve for the marauders and theyre not even real people!
One point that this story did better than the original, in my opinion, was the protrayal of Peter. Everything regarding Peter from Sirius’ point of view felt absolutely correct. An annoying coward who just wants protection from more powerful people than him.

Still stobbed on the McKinnon family death.

Still sobbed on both Potter’s family deaths.

I liked knowing more about the intricates of the war. It felt like Sirius was in the grit of it much more than Remus, so we were able to see much more of it.

I must say, the only think i disliked was the shrieking shack scene in the « prisonner of azkaban ». It felt so long and over-explicative. It felt forced.

Anyway, thats my two cents. Absolutely incredible story. 100% would recommend, still, i think the original was a tad better, if not only for the 7 years at hogwarts.

PS : Two instances that broke my little heart

“No.” He whispered back firmly, “You were beautiful.”
😭😭😭

“I love you. They—they buried me, Remus. They buried me. Twelve years, and they took everything. My…the memories, the happiness, my—my mind. But they couldn’t take this. They couldn’t touch it. Twelve years, and every day I loved you.”
😭😭😭

[Hebe Willekens · Rating 5 out of 5]

I smiled, cried, and had goosebumps multiple times (or a combination of two/all). That's what you need to know from this review.

"Nothing on this earth could take me from you, do you understand? Not the fighting, not this war - if I died, I think I'd love you even then. Don't you understand? I can't leave you, not if I tried, not if I wanted to."

I knew what was going to happen to the beloved Marauders but I still had to stop reading sometimes because it hit me too hard. Even when these events are the basis of what the Harry Potter saga is about, and I've known all of this since I was 9-10 years old.

The ending was bittersweet knowing what would happen next, yet I loved that the story started following the third-fifth Harry Potter book because it felt less rushed this way. And of course, still with beautifully written moments shared between Sirius and Remus; I'm 100% attached to them again. In this pov of Sirius, I have somehow grown more fond of James, Lily, etc. (and Sirius himself) than I had in the OG fic. Yes, it hurt (even more), but now I want to start at the beginning all over again because I love them so much <3

[Blanca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Con todo el dolor de mi corazon esto se ha terminado y con ello lo que quedaba de mi salud mental y fisica. Atyd siempre sera mi top, pero atyd version sirius tiene momentos TAN bonitos, nunca me cansaría de leer la narración desde el punto de vista de sirius. Además la autora escribe TAN bien es que no sois conscientes, las frases de este fic me han llegado mas que nada en mi vida. Dejo un trocito de mi en este fanfic. Sirius, you will always be remembered.

[Nuśka · Rating 5 out of 5]

czuje taką pustkę