Fool Proof: How Fear of Playing the Sucker Shapes Our Selves and the Social Order―and What We Can Do About It – The Psychology of Trust and Moral Agency

by Tess Wilkinson-Ryan

The fear of playing the fool is a universal psychological phenomenon and an underappreciated driver of human behavior; in the spirit of Malcolm Gladwell’s  Blink,  Dan Ariely’s  Predictably Irrational,  and Susan Cain’s  Quiet, Fool Proof  tracks the implications of the sucker construct from personal choices to cultural conflict, ultimately charting an unexpected and empowering path forward. In the American moral vernacular, we have a whole thesaurus for victims of exploitation. They are suckers (born every minute), fools (not suffered gladly), dupes, marks, chumps, pawns, and losers. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Cultural stories about suckers abound the Trojan Horse, the Boy Who Cried Wolf, the Emperor’s New Clothes, even Hansel and Gretel. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you. Don’t go out with him; he only wants one thing. The fear of playing the fool is not just a descriptive fact; it is a prescriptive Don’t let that be you . Most of us are constantly navigating two sets of how to be successful and how to be good. The fear of being suckered whispers that you can’t do both, operating as a quiet caution against leaps of faith and acts of altruism. University of Pennsylvania law professor and moral psychologist Tess Wilkinson-Ryan brings evidence from studies in psychology, sociology, and economics to show how the sucker construct shapes, and distorts, human decision-making. Fool Proof offers the first in-depth analysis of the sucker’s game as implicit worldview, drawing evidence everywhere from grocery shopping to international trade deals, from road rage to #MeToo. Offering real-world puzzles and stories, Wilkinson-Ryan explores what kinds of hustles feel like scams and which ones feel like business as usual, who gets pegged as suckers and who gets lauded as saints. She takes deep dives into areas like the psychology of stereotyping, the history of ethnic slurs, and the economics of the family—and shows how the threat of being suckered is deployed to perpetuate social and economic hierarchies. Ultimately, Fool Proof argues that the goal is not so much to spot the con as to renegotiate its meaning. The fear of being suckered can be weaponized to disrupt cooperation and trust, but it can also be defused and reframed to make space for moral agency and social progress. Facing the fear of being suckered head-on means deciding for ourselves what risks to take, what relationships to invest in, when to share, and when to protest—drafting a new template for how to live with integrity in a sucker’s world.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Science, Audiobook, Social Science

288 pages, Hardcover

Published February 7, 2023

About the author

Tess Wilkinson-Ryan studies the role of moral judgment in legal decision-making. She uses experimental methods from psychology and behavioral economics to ask how people draw on their moral intuitions to motivate or inform legal choices. Her research focuses in particular on private contracts and negotiations. She has argued that most people think that breaking a promise is immoral, and that a breach of contract is a kind of broken promise. People are uncomfortable with the prospect of breaking a promise, and resistant to profiting from what they perceive to be a moral violation. This kind of finding has implications for a variety of promissory transactions, from mortgage contracts to commercial agreements to prenups. The broad goal of her scholarship is to use behavioral research to shed light on how people interpret the law, how they conceive of their rights and obligations, and how social and moral norms interact with the applicable legal rules.

Reviews

[Lauren Moore · Rating 1 out of 5]

Let me preface by saying I chose this book after seeing it was on a list of books Adam Grant was excited to read this year…

This book screams politics. Trump was mentioned a very literal 10x. Nearly every time was a story about how Republicans don’t want to be tricked into supporting poor minorities.

Tess even brings up January 6th and mentions THE FIVE DEATHS caused by Trump’s tweet. We all know tweets cannot cause stokes, heart attacks, and accidental overdoes.

The one plus was that the narrator gave me a few chuckles with the way she narrated the Trump quotes.

Save your pennies and scroll Facebook if you’re interested in nonsense.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my new favorite books, and I couldn’t put it down. As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to read it. Misinformation has been a major topic in recent years, so my thoughts are that people are far too gullible and fall for anything, but I knew that couldn’t be the whole story. When I saw the subtitle of this book, I knew the author was going to argue against the idea that people are too gullible to challenge my thinking, and she did. That’s why I loved it oh so much. It gave me a completely new perspective.

Tess is a contract lawyer who got really interested in the moral arguments about why people shouldn’t break a contract, so she then went on to become an experimental psychologist. She argues that we’re always trying to not get taken advantage of or be played as a fool, and she cites a ton of research. What I loved about this book was learning about how all of this really has to do with status, which is a topic that I’m totally fascinated with.

After laying the foundation, Tess goes on to explain how people not wanting to be played as a fool leads to racism, sexism, and all sorts of bigotry and other social injustices. She also has a great chapter on what it’s like for mothers and how being played for a fool ties into that experience for women.

I can’t recommend this book enough, and I’ll definitely give it another read in the future.

[J. R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed the author’s weaving of personal anecdotes, academic research and well-known stories to support her ideas regarding suckerdom. The book made me think about times I’ve been a sucker and other times when maybe a should have been. If you enjoy Adam Grant and Malcolm Gladwell, this is one for you.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

So we really don’t want to be suckers. Suckers have lower social standing than grifters, unless the grifters are punished. We would go out of our way to punish grifters, even at our disadvantage. However, this leads to a few strange phenomena:

1. We would tell ourselves stories to fool ourselves into believing that we are really not suckers
2. Full disclosure of conflicts of interest actually increases compliance of the ‘mark’
3. Donald Trump totally knows how to use this, claiming Obama was not really American, he was a Muslim, China cheated America, Mexico sends its worse to America, women willing let him do whatever he wants, and dead soldiers are losers. He was the ultimate con.
4. We are not giving people enough the benefit of the doubt. She advised that when staked are low, we should be very accommodating to people. Indeed this book came about because the author responded to a cold-calling email from a ‘publisher’. That publisher is actually real!
5. Mothers are the ultimate suckers. Mothers are judged to be less competent but not fathers. Mothers are judged much harsher than fathers in caring of kids. Though she felt she would choose to be a mother again, she felt women really cannot have it all.

A 5-star book.

[Yuen Tan · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you know the word “sugrophobia” then you probably don’t need to read this. I was intrigued by the intro - how to live with integrity in a sucker’s world. Interesting to know that we can overplay the prospect of playing the fool, feel that that’s existential and throw good rationale away due to this fear.

The book is good, I am not sure about some of the personal examples and social dimensions used as examples. Amazed at the findings that there are enormous psychological consequences to believe that the world is unfair - it feels really destabilizing and depressing - so much so that people will adapt their other beliefs to fit a story of a just universe.

Ultimately, we need to have an explicit repudiation of the sucker fear. “I may not take the stance with me to the grocery store or the mortgage broker, but when I am teaching, advising, collaborating or parenting, these ideas - gullible caring, universal positive regard - can be a counterweight, a glimpse of another way to think of myself as a sucker in the world.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This had pretty much all the same information in other books until it got to the chapters on motherhood. Seems those aren't generally in books written by men. 🤷‍♀️ They were great.

[Samantha · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book definitely felt repetitive at times, and as a reader, I wish there had more application and connection of these studies versus reading about them individually. I feel like the “what we can do about it” part of the tagline on the front cover was not thoroughly investigated. That said, it’s extremely well written - I particularly liked the Sexism and Suckerdom chapter and the Mothersucker chapters.

[Lily’s Haiku Book Review · Rating 3 out of 5]

Moms’ a sucker’s job
Rather a fool than heartless
Profuse Trump examples

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a phenomenal book! I had never heard of sugrophobia (the fear of being a sucker) until now.

Having read books on game theory, Prisoner's Dilemma, the Ultimatum Game etc, I've not seen responses referenced as a consequence of sugrophobia.

The author dives into research showing the fear of being duped through the lens of psychology, sociology, economics, and philosophy. She not only highlights how this impacts individual human reactions but also society-level conflicts and prejudices.

She explores ways that people feel duped, or feel cooled out; the ways that people avoid or react to the prospect of being suckered; and the ways that sucker themes perpetuate and define racism and sexism. There's even a chapter on being a mothersucker.

At the end, there are no simple panaceas to the pervasiveness of sugrophobia. However, I believe awareness is the first step towards identifying possible solutions.

This book made me reflect a lot on my own life helping me identify many instances where sugrophobia was driving my decision-making.

[Matthew Cory · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book left me wanting more.

It's a thought-provoking read from a first-time author but she focuses so much on sugrophobia, the fear of being the sucker, at the individual level. Her book left me questioning how this fear affects society at large.

What happens when an entire society has sugrophobia? Scams disappear, I'm sure, but does societal-level trust evaporate as well?

How do levels of sugrophobia differ in various countries? What impact does that have on those cultures?

How do levels of sugrophobia differ intra-country, say, between Brooklyn and rural Maine? How does that affect those cultures?

How has sugrophobia varied over time? Are people more trusting during wars or calamaties...or are they less trusting? Is sugrophobia cyclical?

Are certain generations more trusting? Are some generations, regardless of age, more inclined to fall for a scam or play the Good Samaritan?

Overall, an interesting read that has me wishing for a follow-up book.

[Lukas Kilimann · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting book about a hugely consequential yet rarely recognized fear in humans of playing the sucker or feeling like a fool. She does a great job explaining the fear, giving background to why humans feel it, and why we don’t notice it until it’s too late. To me, the best part of the book are the chapters of examples in real life where this plays out pretty often. Honestly, this book forced me to look in a mirror because I have this fear as well, and it has definitely shaped choices I have made. Her advice, actively account for the fear before making a decision: “When that cost-benefit analysis happens automatically, the sucker fear takes a lot of space… but salience isn’t set in stone, and attention is flexible. The way to de-weaponize can be straightforward: take inventory. Run the numbers. Account” 227.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting idea I was eager to learn more about.

Unfortunately, half the book is the author repeating the stereotype that conservatives have conservative beliefs primarily because they're afraid of what they don't understand.

The author seems to believe the Marxist mental model of seeing this world only in terms of conflict and mutual exploitation is not only the most useful model she's encountered, but the only one she *can* use.

Her critique of conservatives' reluctance to give direct cash subsidies wilfully ignores the experiences of churches and nonprofits who have regularly worked one-on-one with people in crisis and having chemical dependency issues: a set of best practices has evolved from experience learning to help people without enabling more harm.

[Rayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A solidly researched and approachably written, albeit niche, nonfiction book with regard to social order and certain aspects of how it has developed. It is clear in the writing that this topic is something the author is familiar with and familiar communicating to others. I enjoy my hermit life, but it does lead to feeling like I'm letting the info in a book like this down.
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity with this title.

[Yurika · Rating 4 out of 5]

interesting points on how the fear of being the sucker is interlaced in gender roles/motherhood, stereotypes, racial discrimination, and day-to-day decision-making. read it for my psych class, but this is one of the first non-fiction books i’ve really enjoyed (her writing style is very easy to read). i recommend!!

[Mahrya Q · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. A whole book about a topic that could have been summed up in one chapter. Too many personal anecdotes and the author just couldn't stop bringing up Donald Trump. (I get that Trump is a great example of how one can play to people's fears in order to benefit themselves, but I hated the constant reminders.)

[Marcos Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Fool Proof" delves into how the fear of being duped shapes our behavior and society. Wilkinson-Ryan's unsugarcoated approach examines race, gender, and parentalism, providing raw and honest insights. The section on love is particularly engaging, highlighting vulnerability and trust in relationships. A thought-provoking read for those interested in psychology and sociology.

[Michael Knolla · Rating 4 out of 5]

In a society so focused on happiness and anger fear may be surprisingly under appreciated at this point despite its ubiquity. Fear underlies so much of our anger. Fears about what we perceive would bring us happiness are a primary catalyst of marketers trying to get us to buy things. This book makes a compelling case around how fear of being the sucker, and the consequent loss of status it would imply, has become a silent puppeteer in many of our minds, pulling the strings to provoke actions with real consequences not just for ourselves but those around us, yet which have a poor foundation in the actual basis of our own lives. Well worth the read.

[Vanessa Bohns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a refreshing take in a world where we are so paranoid about being suckers that we avoid taking the kinds of risks that would truly make our lives richer.

[Val · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye opening! An excellent and well put together book. A must read for everyone!

[M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a good read.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book develops slowly, but once it does, the author makes some bold claims. A very interesting read.

[Celeste · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my favorite topic, but some interesting points.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting look at how our fear of someone fooling ends up affecting not only us personally, but politically.

[Marce Mellic · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good perspective on the economics and psychology of ‘suckers’

[Tracey Byrns · Rating 2 out of 5]

The interview I heard with the author was more captivating than the actual book. I like the concept but I’m just not that interested in it!

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

The premise of this book was really unique, I would recommend it to anyone who’s interested in psychology/sociology.

[Emily Mellow]

no rating because I only read 3%, but it just didn't interest me

[Chris M. · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was more about social justice than social psychology. Essentially, the author blames Donald Trump and The Patriarchy as the cause of many problems within U.S. society today.