Teddy Bears Picnic: A Splatter Slasher Novella

by Harrison Phillips

This book contains scenes of explict violence and gore.

If you go down to the woods today, you better not go alone,
It's lovely down in the woods today, but safer to stay at home...

Everybody knows the story of Teddy - the ten-year-old boy who killed all those bullies down in the woods, then chopped them up into tiny pieces and fed them to his teddy bears.

Everybody knows that's just an urban legend, right?

Genres: Horror

145 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 26, 2022

About the author

Harrison Phillips is an English author of horror, sci-fi and fantasy. His literary influences range from Clive Barker and Stephen King, to Jack Ketchum and Edward Lee. He was born and raised in Birmingham, England, where he still resides with his long-suffering wife, their two daughters, and a schnauzer named Minnie.

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. So I have a question to pose to all the ladies out there. When I read these types of horror books written by men, I notice that during sexual situations, the women are able to climax within thirty seconds every single time. Is there a special button down there? Or a YouTube tutorial I can refer to? Or is Peter Topside really that bad in bed? Help!! Ok, back to business…This is very standard slasher stuff. Oversexed young adults out camping who are targeted by a homicidal maniac. Some wear hockey masks, others patchwork leather, but this one is dressed like a teddy bear. So it proceeded to fight, slash, and kill almost all of the characters here, ending on an open note. Lots of running around and violence…and sex. Did I mention that already? There is nothing new or innovative done here, but it’s a decent way to kill thirty minutes. Get it…‘kill?’ The characters were all one step from being faceless victims, but they served their purpose. I did appreciate the fun visual with Abbie, Teddy, and the teddy bears towards the end. Not bad, not great, but just an ok experience.

[Stephen Cooper · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun danger in the woods style story. Always enjoy Harrison's writing and brutality. Plus, it's fun seeing a Teddy Bear go on a fucking rampage.

[lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can't go wrong with a classic slasher while camping in the woods! All the blood, gore, killing, drama and smex that you'd expect but let’s make it more interesting with a teddy bear? Yes please! One aspect that I really enjoyed is the urban legend! I always loved hearing scary stories and urban legends growing up and this brought back that nostalgic feeling. The only downside to this one for me was the ending, while it was still really good, I needed clarity! I feel like I need a book 2 after this 👀 Super quick and fun read, solid 4 ⭐️ for me! I've got a few more of his books on my list and I'm excited to dive into the next one!

[The_5ft_reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun teddy bear slasher story 😉

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abbie's best friend, Bex arranges a camping trip with four of their close friends, to take Abbie's mind off her recent and painful breakup. That first night, around the fire, their friend, Scott, tells them all the story of the woods they're camping in. Before coming out here, he looked it up on the internet and was surprised by what he found: apparently, many campers have disappeared from this area. Then he tells them why exactly that is - or, the urban legend version that is.
Edward Redstone, aka Teddy was a different kid, physically and mentally. Despite his age, he still liked to play with his teddy bears; one day, about twenty years ago, he was out in the woods having a picnic with his stuffed bears, when some older kids showed up and started picking on Teddy. That's when he lost it; he stabbed all those bullies to death and proceeded to hack their bodies into tiny pieces. The police never found Teddy, but they did find the remnants of his grotesque picnic - body parts on the plates of his teddy bears, as if serving them.
The next day, the group splits up, and four of the six friends stumble upon a dilapidated shack. Inside the shack instantly reminds Abbie of the campfire story from the night before. Not only is the place disgusting, but whomever resides there is clearly obsessed with teddy bears. Little do they know, the inhabitant of the shack is on their way back home, and once they are caught, it will be a desperate race out of the woods - through barbed wire, bear traps, and an axe-wielding... teddy bear?
What exactly is chasing Abbie and her friends through the woods? Could the legend of Teddy possibly be real, still out in the woods, hunting people after all these years?
------------------------------
I'm leery of authors I've never heard of, but as soon as I read the synopsis I had to buy it, and I'm really glad I did. I don't know how any horror fan could pass up a book about a killer teddy bear stalking victims through the woods. After this, I can't wait to check out more from this author.

[Mickey · Rating 4 out of 5]

"She was more concerned about the bear, watching her from the end of the bed, waiting for its opportunity to kill her."

This was a fun little slasher that takes place in the woods (a reminder of why I don't say yes when the fella suggests camping). A group of friends go camping and come across the home of a huge man who wears a teddy bear costume whilst stalking and killing those he finds near his home. In typical slasher fashion, there is a fair amount of sex and lots of gore.
I had two issues with this book. The first was that when reading the sex scenes, you can tell it was written by a man. It takes us longer than 30 seconds to get to that point during sexy time.
The second thing, was that during a scene between Gemma and Joe, it seems the author gets confused who he is writing about because in the space of two sentences Joe goes from being himself to Scott and then back to Joe again.
Overall, it was a great read for spooky month.

[Brian G Berry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fun adventure in the woods with plenty of blood spraying out of the pages and characters to keep me happy. Great work, Harrison! This was certainly the perfect summer read for me! Highly recommended! 🧸💀🔪

[Escapereality4now · Rating 4 out of 5]

review to come

[Tara Losacano · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brutal tale with a totally original killer!! 4/5 teddy bear skulls 💀

[mena ౨ৎ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars ★
i feel like... when reading sex scenes, it's blatantly obvious if it was written by a man versus a woman. i will never get "shaven snatch" out of my mind. reading that burned my retinas a little.

if you're looking for a quick, violent novella that is SUPER camp, this is right up your alley. the kills were so brutal that i had to skim in some parts! if you're sensitive to extreme violence (i'm right there with you), check out my content warnings at the bottom. forewarning that there will be spoilers in that section (obvi).

all the characters, with the exception of maybe abbie and mike, were SO. INSUFFERABLE. gemma was awful and don't even get me started on scott. they're definitely your cliche asshole characters, that's for sure.

something i noticed with extreme horror is that the descriptions of injuries are so medically correct... it's impressive, really. put down the pen and hop into the medical field ASAP, lol.

tropes:
- death to the fornicators!
- slasher
- so camp
- extreme gore/violence
- cannibalism
- camping/cabin in the woods
- masked killer

content warnings:
- cannibalism
- cheating/infidelities
- bullying
- vivid descriptions of body parts and injuries
- a character is forced to eat his own organs
- several deaths by axe
- bludgeoning from rocks
- a character's leg is caught in a bear trap
- forceful removal of eyeball with a spoon
- and many more...

[LJ🥀👻 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This short story was interesting. I had fun reading it. There was a few typos in there. And there was one scene, with Jim and Maria, that I don’t understand why it was added into it? That was the first and the last time they were spoke of so I was just confused about what role they played and how it contributed to the story? Maybe it was just there for the sake of more murders, I’m not sure… and the eye scene and the things that followed had me feeling like I was about to hurl, lol, so it definitely lived up to expectations in that regard. 😬😂 overall, I’d definitely recommend it if you’re looking for a short, fun read… and if you enjoy the splatterpunk genre. I’ll make this as a spoiler due to the Jim and Maria thing, just in case. 🫶🏻

[Andrés Menéndez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Teddy Bears Picnic is a wild, bloody, violent, and amazing slasher book that I didn't want to end because of how good it was. I love horror books where we get to meet the characters before the masacre begins, and this book succeeds in making the reader care for them, even if sometimes they are unlikeable. The deaths are amazing and violent, each of them different and shocking, and I couldn't help thinking "Oh my God, this is gross" while reading some of them. It's an entertaining story that every fan of slashers should read, and it's a short tale that I think you can finish in a day and will leave you wanting more.

[melanie garcia yang 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ · Rating 4 out of 5]

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙪𝙧𝙗𝙖𝙣 𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚…🐻🏕️🩸


I originally wanted to give this 5 stars as i had so much fun reading. This grabs AND holds your attention from the beginning. It’s a wild ride that you’ll never want to get off but given how the ending felt rushed, i had to lower it. 4.5 stars but definitely had potential to be a 5 star read but the ending needed to be addressed. I’m not a fan of endings like this.

[🥀TheBookWyrm🥀 · Rating 4 out of 5]

THIS IS A 4.5!!! I wish we could do half’s here, but anyway. The reason being is because I was eating and reading at the same time. When I got to a certain part. Where a certain character, was eating…certain things. It made me gag. Because I was eating spaghetti.

Note to self: don’t eat while reading a Harrison Phillips novel.

[Gerhard Geick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Teddy Bear's Picnic is your typical, run-of-the-mill camp trip gone horribly wrong. If you're thinking 'Friday The 13th,' then you haven't strayed far from the path. If you like that sort of thing, then this book should be up your alley. It is well written, and it is fun.

Teddy Bear's Picnic isn't my first book by Harrison Phillips, and it won't be the last!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Teddy bears picnic!

Okay WOW! Straight away we're thrown into a fantastic story about friends going camping in a forest who has a snuggly murderer after them 💪 couldn't put it down!

[Sunshine Hoover · Rating 1 out of 5]

Meh

This read like a B rated horror film. On multiple occasions the author used wrong names for the characters. The ending was just meh and abrupt.

[Amanda Castle · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Blake Fleming · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this short novella. Gave me the vibes I wanted. Honestly, I would live to see more written about Teddy and his little shack of horrors.

[Fiona Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it 😁

[Vanessa Hoyles · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one was a good read , after the first kill it's a really slow starter. The kill scenes are gory and graphic and very original which I liked, love how there's a cliffhanger ending making you unsure if teddy actually existed or if she was the killer.

[Mikepottz · Rating 4 out of 5]

An urban legend of a mentally challenged boy who had some kind of facial disfigurement who liked to play with teddy bears. Rumour had it that he stabbed a bunch of boys who bullied him, cut them up and feed them to his teddy bears. A stranded couple in the woods having car trouble, a womens hair grabbed through the window, the hammer to the back of the head, crack, the brain melted like it had been doused by acid, the next blow in the temple, and the dozen more leaving an unrecognisable mesh of gunk. 6 youngsters go out to the woods to have some camping fun. An axe welding maniac bisects a dick, then a skull cracked, pieces of brain flying, strawberry jam like substance of the dirt. A dilapidated shack is discovered in the woods, the smell inside like rotten meat, a filthy brown stain mattress in the corner, a table with an array of teddy bears in various conditions sitting around a table. A 6 foot home made teddy bear suit comes alive, an axe through the top of the head cracking it like a hard-boiled egg. Talking the top off beautifully. A person being feed their own intestines before bleeding out. A teddy bear with strength on a gory filled pinic.