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385 pages, ebook
First published September 28, 2019
“You have always been too incredible to hold yourself back for anybody else, and nothing would have changed the fact that it wasn’t the right time for me either,” Sirius elaborated.
“No,” Sirius confirmed with a slow shake of his head. The corner of his mouth lifted more, and he let out an amused exhale through his nose right before he continued, “You know, I told Marlene about a year ago that if I ever got another chance with you — if the stars aligned and the universe saw fit to bring us back together and all that bullshit jargon — it would be the greatest thing to ever happen to me,” he raised his eyebrows, “And then a couple of weeks later, Minerva announced that you’d be in New York playing Rach 3.” He rested his hand on the couch between them and the measured tone of his voice carried delicately through the air between them, “and now here we are, sitting together in your Manhattan apartment after you kissed me on your parents’ couch a month ago, and I just can’t shake the feeling that maybe everything that happened between us makes sense, that this was exactly how it was supposed to go all along.”
“It’s funny, actually,” Sirius continued, and Remus kept his hands right where they were for this. “When I started writing the piece, this is exactly what I was hoping for. And now we’re here — and we shagged for a long while and it was brilliant, I think it’s safe to say — and the air has been cleared and then the first time I play it, you’re standing there all flummoxed while wearing my stupid pajamas. And honestly, Remus, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so inspired.” Remus took another deep breath or two and decided that as much as he loathed the idea, it was time to uncover his face. He dropped his hands and carded one through his wet hair once. “I hate you,” he uttered helplessly after a beat. Sirius’ mouth slowly crooked to the side as his eyes scanned Remus completely, and they eventually caught Remus’ eyes and settled there. “I hate you too,” he said softly, and Remus didn’t know what to do with himself, because they both knew what that really meant. It was everything, and it was all at once, and he felt it like flames igniting every cell of his body.
Sirius looked down at the floor and his body shook with quiet laughter — as if he had expected it all along — and Remus was once again awed by how Sirius could read him, like there was an underlying current surging from his core that only Sirius was tuned into. That only Sirius had ever been tuned into. And that was a one in seven billion kind of thing, Remus was sure of it.