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X-Rubicon: Crossing Life, Sex, Love, & Killing in CIA Proxy Wars: An Indictment of US Citizens
When you’re very young, you are so in search of knowing, yet naive, and will believe almost anything adults tell you. Later on you begin to discern falsehoods and lies, hypocrisy and duplicity; yet, you are still naive. To make matters even worse, you have no fully functional braking system in your brain until ~25, yet you are required at 17-19 to make major decisions about your life. So at 18 (and it has happened sooner), you are able to be trained to kill, expected to kill, yet you still are treated as sub-adult. You are forced to cross rubicons and participate without real knowledge. A rubicon is a line, a choice or decision, made consciously or unconsciously, that is irrevocable once crossed. People have many rubicons in their life. Some, like sex, are forced upon everyone regardless.
We are indoctrinated in certain ways and certain things. While these are not rubicon crossings, beliefs, propaganda, and/or political beliefs can cause crossings. When young, we were taught Communists were an evil godless horde that needed to be eradicated from the Earth. All Communists were Stalin and Mao, and Socialist equaled Communist… and did I mention they had no god!!! Hell was always everywhere else. When young, you generally accept because you simply are ignorant of facts and they wouldn’t lie to you (would they?).
This book is not explicitly about sex, but sex is legitimately a huge part of life, Sex is a grounding in humanity; whereas killing disrupts or destroys this grounding. It’s necessary to discuss sex in relationship to war and killing, because it has been theorized by certain psychologists and feminists that war and killing “is a man’s thing”, toxic-masculinity, and that killing is akin to sexual assault. This is beyond stupidity, it is egregiously false and hypocritical, especially when spewed from non-experienced promoters who fit the description of the age-old combat veterans’ description of non-experienced people that are like “virgins talking about sex”.
If you start honestly sharing about a life, you are going to run into sex, and it shouldn’t be ignored. Sex and Love are powerful psychological grounding forces. Young men entering life in this country, and countries around the world, know that they will be required to fight and die if demand is made, without choice or much chance at reprieve, and most often for lies and corruption that make up the worst part of every government or movement. Men of limited means or connections soon learn how expendable they are. In this book, a young man enters the military and ends up losing his life, without physically dying in the military, and must learn to live with himself and recover some peace of mind. This book contains graphic depictions of sex, sexual thoughts, death, and killing. You have been forewarned. If you are not stable or adult enough to handle these things, do not read further; yet consider yourself part of the problem which allows atrocities to take place – you are a co-conspirator in government sanctioned murder. Remember, in a conspiracy, it is not necessary to show that the right hand knows what the left hand is doing.
In this work I’ll not discuss others vets’ experiences, as I expect them to empower themselves to start speaking without fear, because you have no right to be spared these details or uncomfortable feelings, because you are responsible. I had to grow from a boy into “only a man”; now you must grow into a man or woman with a conscience (no matter your age). I’ll discuss the 18 missions I was sent on, and I do hope you feel the pain and deal with it responsibly, because you are responsible.
We are indoctrinated in certain ways and certain things. While these are not rubicon crossings, beliefs, propaganda, and/or political beliefs can cause crossings. When young, we were taught Communists were an evil godless horde that needed to be eradicated from the Earth. All Communists were Stalin and Mao, and Socialist equaled Communist… and did I mention they had no god!!! Hell was always everywhere else. When young, you generally accept because you simply are ignorant of facts and they wouldn’t lie to you (would they?).
This book is not explicitly about sex, but sex is legitimately a huge part of life, Sex is a grounding in humanity; whereas killing disrupts or destroys this grounding. It’s necessary to discuss sex in relationship to war and killing, because it has been theorized by certain psychologists and feminists that war and killing “is a man’s thing”, toxic-masculinity, and that killing is akin to sexual assault. This is beyond stupidity, it is egregiously false and hypocritical, especially when spewed from non-experienced promoters who fit the description of the age-old combat veterans’ description of non-experienced people that are like “virgins talking about sex”.
If you start honestly sharing about a life, you are going to run into sex, and it shouldn’t be ignored. Sex and Love are powerful psychological grounding forces. Young men entering life in this country, and countries around the world, know that they will be required to fight and die if demand is made, without choice or much chance at reprieve, and most often for lies and corruption that make up the worst part of every government or movement. Men of limited means or connections soon learn how expendable they are. In this book, a young man enters the military and ends up losing his life, without physically dying in the military, and must learn to live with himself and recover some peace of mind. This book contains graphic depictions of sex, sexual thoughts, death, and killing. You have been forewarned. If you are not stable or adult enough to handle these things, do not read further; yet consider yourself part of the problem which allows atrocities to take place – you are a co-conspirator in government sanctioned murder. Remember, in a conspiracy, it is not necessary to show that the right hand knows what the left hand is doing.
In this work I’ll not discuss others vets’ experiences, as I expect them to empower themselves to start speaking without fear, because you have no right to be spared these details or uncomfortable feelings, because you are responsible. I had to grow from a boy into “only a man”; now you must grow into a man or woman with a conscience (no matter your age). I’ll discuss the 18 missions I was sent on, and I do hope you feel the pain and deal with it responsibly, because you are responsible.
271 pages, Paperback
Published May 25, 2022
About the author
Sean Griobhtha
10 books1 followerFormer US Army Ranger combat veteran (78-82). Father. Husband. Author of X Rubicon: Crossing Life, Sex, Love, & Killing in CIA Proxy Wars: An indictment of US Citizens: ignorantia non excusat. More in X Rubicon: Author Statement, found on Crossing Rubicons (Substack - https://griobhtha1.substack.com/p/x-r...).
Chapters & essays on Crossing Rubicons (https://griobhtha1.substack.com). Subscribe for free and receive new writings in your inbox. This also provides video and audio posts from Crossing Rubicons Podcast, related to the book and topics with RSS feed (https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast...).
Substack is my main haunt. More about my influences, background, the history and struggles for the book, major ideas, as well as Rubicon's experience and writings will be found there.
Chapters & essays on Crossing Rubicons (https://griobhtha1.substack.com). Subscribe for free and receive new writings in your inbox. This also provides video and audio posts from Crossing Rubicons Podcast, related to the book and topics with RSS feed (https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast...).
Substack is my main haunt. More about my influences, background, the history and struggles for the book, major ideas, as well as Rubicon's experience and writings will be found there.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
October 13, 2022
This book will challenge you. It's intense & it really is an indictment as the subtitle states. It's raw, very vulnerable, bravely written and an honest track into a man's life. It made me look at human suffering, sex, politics, & how impactful a combat military experience really is. I cried many times while reading it. While the subject matter is emotionally rough, the writing itself is smooth and flows easily. It hits you at your own vulnerable parts. Stay with it even when it feels overwhelming. It's well worth it and it will stay with you and bring new awareness of your role in sending young (mostly men) into combat. I highly recommend it.
April 22, 2025
How the US (via politicians and military) betray their recruits.
This is a truly powerful retelling of the life of a boy who entered the US military aged 18 - manipulated into serving the CIA in totally illegal military actions in foreign countries - supporting rightwing dictatorships and US business interests - meting out death sometimes in the scores or more. But as he realises what is going on - he opts to leave at which point all manner of skulduggery is used against him - a threat of a dishonourable discharge sees him agreeing to signing a waiver but the honourable discharge is heavily compromised - all his medals and citations are withdrawn and even pay due to him is denied. The officer class is as corrupt as the CIA and their actions. For nearly 40 years he suffered with what can only be described as severe Moral Injury and PTSD - his one hope - a wife and family who stuck with him until he was finally able to confess to them of his nightmares and day time nightmares - of the ghosts of those he had killed (for his country - and what a corrupt country it is) - to begin to find his will to live - the power of love. He deals too with those who perpetuate the militarism of The US in all its quotidian ways (thank you for your service) as the nonsense of those who were never there to know the truth of combat and war - that if they had been - there’d be no engagement in wars. This is an amazing cri-de-coeur - and an indictment ultimately of the entire nation for not standing up against the sacrificing of its young. Gritty, cinematic literary, and above all - totally honest. I highly, highly recommend this book.
This is a truly powerful retelling of the life of a boy who entered the US military aged 18 - manipulated into serving the CIA in totally illegal military actions in foreign countries - supporting rightwing dictatorships and US business interests - meting out death sometimes in the scores or more. But as he realises what is going on - he opts to leave at which point all manner of skulduggery is used against him - a threat of a dishonourable discharge sees him agreeing to signing a waiver but the honourable discharge is heavily compromised - all his medals and citations are withdrawn and even pay due to him is denied. The officer class is as corrupt as the CIA and their actions. For nearly 40 years he suffered with what can only be described as severe Moral Injury and PTSD - his one hope - a wife and family who stuck with him until he was finally able to confess to them of his nightmares and day time nightmares - of the ghosts of those he had killed (for his country - and what a corrupt country it is) - to begin to find his will to live - the power of love. He deals too with those who perpetuate the militarism of The US in all its quotidian ways (thank you for your service) as the nonsense of those who were never there to know the truth of combat and war - that if they had been - there’d be no engagement in wars. This is an amazing cri-de-coeur - and an indictment ultimately of the entire nation for not standing up against the sacrificing of its young. Gritty, cinematic literary, and above all - totally honest. I highly, highly recommend this book.
October 15, 2022
This is NOT another patriotic account of war vainglory. It is a raw and vulnerable account of a man coming to terms with what he has done and how he has grown in life. A veteran of CIA proxy conflicts in El Salvador, Guatemala, and Nicaragua has given his story to the author. It is very intense writing, and takes a first hand critical view of the VA, CIA, Presidents, Congress, and especially the American public. I found myself weeping and drawn to the arguments made. It seems geared totally toward combat PTSD, combat veterans, their SO's, young men especially, and an ignorant public. There is plenty of discussion on dealing with an intense PTSD over a life-time, and some advice for sufferers and their SO's and family. It's definitely a different paradigm in this narrative than I've ever read before. The veteran's wife wrote the Forward and it will definitely grab your heart and conscience.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews