Nowhere to Hide: A memoir of football, mental health and resilience

by Tom Boyd

A revealing and candid account of former AFL footballer Tom Boyd's struggle with mental health.

Tom Boyd was the AFL's No.1 draft pick in 2013. He was signed up by Western Sydney as their key recruit for the year. But Tom's enormous talent and potential was clouded by what he thought at the time was severe homesickness.

In 2014 he persuaded the Giants to trade him to the Bulldogs, back in his hometown of Melbourne. But his feelings of anxiety, sleeplessness and isolation followed him south. What he was experiencing wasn't homesickness, it was the first, debilitating stage of depression. Tom battled on without knowing what he was dealing with. As the most expensive player at the Bulldogs (his deal was a million dollars a year for seven years - huge for an under resourced club) he was a lightning rod for attention, and his every failure was examined and amplified by the media and fans. And yet he had enough raw talent to be one of the driving forces to get the Bulldogs to their first Grand Final in more than 60 years, and on that Saturday afternoon in October 2016 he was arguably the best player on ground. Without Tom they simply wouldn't have won, and made a premiership fairy tale come true.

Yet premiership success didn't help Tom any more than celebrity and money had done. In 2017 he hit rock bottom, and only then put up his hand for help. Tom retired in 2019, aged 23. He now spends his time advocating for mental health, and talking to businesses and organisations about the realities and pressure that young people are exposed to today that can wreak such havoc. His trajectory as a potential great of AFL who has been honest enough to publicly examine and explain his own issues with mental health give him a unique platform and credibility.

Nowhere to Hide takes us on Tom's journey. Football is the backdrop, but it's not a football memoir. It's a book about mental health, honesty with yourself and what it takes to overcome depression and anxiety, and create resilience.

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction

330 pages, Paperback

Published August 2, 2022

Reviews

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tom Boyd gives a unique perspective on the toll that mental health takes on even the brightest stars who should seemingly have all they could ever want. A book for Western Bulldogs fans, AFL fans, and anyone who wants to know more about the hidden side of mental health. Tom writes in a way that helps you to understand the goings-on behind the scenes and the impact that his mental health was having on not just his football, but his physical wellbeing, from the sleepless nights to the toll on his back.

[Alan Marr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tom Boyd was not treated well by football culture. Saddled by an all too generous contract he was unable to climb over the mountainous expectations he placed upon him by himself and others. Fortunately for him, his self protective instincts took over and he got out in time...but not before bringing great sense of joy to at least one Bulldogs supporter and I am sure many more. His Grand Final performance in 2016 was one for the ages..

[Jye Douthat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I possibly liked this book more than most as I am a Bulldogs supporter through and through. Needless to say this book gives a great insight into the struggles faced by elite athletes and the absolute battle this young footballer faced. A very humanizing memoir

[Dillon Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a footy fan , I’ve long been concerned about the media and their lack of ethics in building players up, only to tear them down.. this is a story about what that really does to a person. Well done Tom.

[Phoebe Merritt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such an important and rarely spoken about subject, the highs and lows of elite athleticism.
A perfect example of ‘money can’t buy happiness’.
What a privilege to be allowed such intimate insight into Tom’s time as a footballer and the roller coaster journey he experienced.
As a Western Bulldogs supporter, it gives a fresh perspective on the time this all played out in the media and the reality behind the facade.

[Tracey Washington-lacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Toms honest account of his life as a professional footballer is also a reminder of how cruel the media and social media can be. Of the impact of the gossip on a player who was struggling with his mental health and how it destroyed his physical health.
I found it really sad how harsh Tom was on himself. His physical and mental expectations and the resultant fear that he wasn’t good enough. All the while being lauded for his status as a number one AFL draft pick before he had the opportunity to truly prove himself. The critical voice of deteriorating mental health making everything more difficult.
Tom doesn’t blame anyone. I am left wondering about the impact of other players behaviours towards him but at no point does he point the finger. And the friendships he mentions give hope that those men once they knew Tom was having problems would have his back.
Finished the book feeling proud that Tom was a part of the Western Bulldogs 2016 Premiership and sad that he felt so much responsibility.

[Ross N · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a bulldogs fan I enjoyed reading Tom's story which is very honest and well written. The inside story on 2016 premiership is a great insight. A reminder of how human our footy players are.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, indulge me in a personal anecdote.

My 16yo son was selected to join a national AFL u16s academy this year (choosing not to name the club who were fantastic and cannot be faulted in how they handled the situation). He worked hard to get his fitness and his strength up and maintained his footy skills. We were all thrilled for him. My son was one of 30 boys chosen so there was no guarantee he would get a game each week.

Prior to formally committing, we attended an information session where the responsibilities and obligations were laid out. In part, there would be at least 4 after school training/education/recovery sessions, games on Saturdays (with some interstate / overnight travel), potential recovery sessions on Sunday, club footy would take a back seat, part-time work was quietly discouraged and school grades needed to be maintained.

On the way home, my 16yo was very quiet. After about half an hour, I asked what he was thinking. He said, "I don't want to do this, I love my footy, I love playing the game, but I don't want it to be my life". After a couple of days talking to him about it from every angle and some tears and temper tantrums (okay, the latter two from me!), we accepted his decision. When we advised the club, they also spoke to him (without the tears and tantrums) and also accepted his decision and invited him to trial again the following year if he changed his mind. My son made a very mature, adult decision that was right for him.

Now, having read Tom's book, I can only appreciate the enormity of the decision that my son made for himself.

Tom pulls no punches and holds nothing back in detailing his AFL journey. This must have taken an extraordinary amount of courage to be able to lay out his vulnerabilities and his thought processes so openly.

Tom,. thank you for sharing your story. While I am not a Bulldogs supporter, I am an avid AFL fan who watches as many games as possible. I enjoyed watching you play in the 2016 GF. Best of luck into the future.

[Dennis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a lifetime Australian Rules fan, but I mst confess until I read this book I had never heard of Tom Boyd as such is the partisanship of the code that as it was a time when my team was near the bottom, I wasn't interested in the finals the year that he played in the Grand Final. Despite that, I enjoyed this book and feel that Tom Boyd has something important to tell us about expectations and the pressure we can put on our chidren to perform and in some ways fulfil dreams that we couldn't do ourselves. He also cleared up a mystery for me, as although I had heard the description of pressure and depression I wasn't quite sure what in meant in the context of football. But Tom, describes it as it is, and how it happened to him. And no wonder, when we subject to young men of 17 and 18 to the pressure of expectation that they are under when they join a football club and are put on a million dollar salary and it must be even worse for First Nations players who are moved away from home and family to an alien environment. Elite sporting teams in Australia and around the world owe a debt of gratitute to Tom Boyd for telling of his experience so eloquently and so honestly.

[Chris Pike · Rating 4 out of 5]

A cautionary tale about the dream of playing elite level sport and in particular the AFL. It’s not for everyone, even a number one draft pick and someone who’s wanted it since they were eight years old.

This is a quick read about a young man’s journey into the AFL where it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Tom’s inner voice is shared throughout the book to reveal something that’s pretty universal - we all have fears, doubts and harsh criticism for ourselves when we try to meet others’ expectations and chase what we think we want. Tom shares his courageous journey to question whether it’s a dream he really wants to pursue. And in doing so there’s a very accessible lesson for us all - listen to your heart.

[OnTheBoakesShelf · Rating 3 out of 5]

I will forever have a soft spot for Tom Boyd after the 16 grand final, so this was an easy one to pick up for me. A well written story about his journey through a high draft pick and all the attention that comes with that, to a pretty serious mental health battle that stemmed from both external pressure from a big contract and internal from what he put on himself. Defs made you think where he says well i didn’t offer myself the contract, and for a kid from Ringwood would you not also accept something that would change your life? Which is a thought provoking question, it just led to heaps of media scrutiny, a good one to read as a sports fan who likes hearing about mental health stuff and how he has worked on his resiliency and become an advocate post footy.

[Kirsten Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

To be honest I only read this book because I was assigned it for a uni presentation but it was a good book. Very interesting and well written. We don’t think enough about the bad things that come with being famous and the pressure from the media and fans. And how this pressure can impact a person mentally and then lead to physical injury as well. I also learnt a bit about Aussie rules and the AFL reading this book. To be honest I didn’t know much about and still don’t and the references to players and coaches mostly meant nothing to me but I still found it all interesting. Would recommend this book for anyone interested in sport and learning more about what really goes on in people’s lives.

[Lynette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being a New Zealand woman I didn’t overly enjoy this book. Not because it wasn’t well written or anything like that , more because I am not into sport and don’t really know the first thing about AFL or the people mentioned ! What drew me to it was the mental health content . This side of the book did not disappoint. It was refreshing to read an honest account of the pressure people are often put under in these sort of careers and the importance of being true to oneself . To walk away from that sort of contract snd salary was a huge thing but full credit to Tom for doing it. I hope life is a lot more fulfilling for him now.

[Vincenzo Tadeusz · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was a big supporter of Tom Boyd’s decision to walk away. If you’re dealing with what he was dealing with, then that’s what you need to do. What I struggle with here, is that Tom’s attitude seemed to all be about Tom: I need to get better, I need to play better. It was very rarely about the teams he played for. Maybe that that was part of the problem, I don’t know. Eddie Betts’ book seemed to ONLY be about others: his family, his partner, his kids, his teams. He’s older maybe? I don’t know. All I know is how healthy it is to put others first. I hope this isn’t too harsh.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have no knowledge of the AFL world but picked this book up as I am a curious person. Even as someone with little AFL knowledge, I found this to be an easy read. Tom’s journey with his mental health was enlightening and the book was well written.

[Spiros Koziaris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed this book. Gives you a great idea of what a talented young man goes through when they have such high expectations. Will never forget his important role in the 2016 premiership. Even more incredible given what he went through.

[Kat Foster · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an insightful book about a very difficult subject

[Sue Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Far too much pressure at such a young age with little support.

[Maddie Irwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️

[Tim Irvine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Courageous & refreshing honesty from a former professional athlete who is making a genuine difference in peoples’ lives.

[Kathfoster · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a brilliant book written by a courageous man