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A Frankness of Character: A Pride and Prejudice Variation : A Darcy & Elizabeth Story w/ a Matchmaking Colonel Fitzwilliam
“Excellent tale! Really interesting, clever, & well written!” - Colleen S.
“The pace was fast and the writing was excellent.” - Melodie
“I spent an entire rainy day reading this, and will remember that day fondly, forever! ” - Dobby
“Your insight into everyone's character and outlook on life was most unusual and very well done: it really improved the enjoyment of reading. Situations encountered by your characters were very believable.” - Amanda
“The proposal was GREAT. I died laughing. All of it was my favorite. Now I am going to read it again and again and again and again...” - Beta Reader
“I've read many P&P fanfics but I don't think I've come across the salient and interesting points depicted here.” -Rose
An apology more offensive than an infamous insult. A decidedly epic set down. A gentleman left properly humbled. An impertinent young lady provoked to civil disdain.
As humiliating as an ill-bred set down was from an impertinent country miss, the veracity of Elizabeth Bennet’s arguments and the humiliation at his own lack of understanding started to sink in.
After years of entrenched isolation, others would take notice if he appeared more civil. How was he to take his place in society without raising expectations?
He reaches out to the one person he can trust, Colonel Fitzwilliam, who joins the party at Netherfield.
The colonel’s plan for Mr. Darcy’s redemption seems on course until his aunt’s obsequious parson proposes marriage to Miss Bingley, setting off a flurry of unintended consequences that even he struggles to contain.
Longbourn is in an uproar. Lady Catherine de Bourgh is on a rampage. Darcy and Elizabeth are estranged.
Dear Reader, this Pride and Prejudice Variation is of the sweet, clean, and slightly witty sort. Although the book opens with an argument and a lot of accusations are thrown around, this story promises nothing more vulgar than Mrs. Bennet’s exclamations and a few ill-informed insinuations. Adult topics are discussed. There will be a happy ending for all.
“The pace was fast and the writing was excellent.” - Melodie
“I spent an entire rainy day reading this, and will remember that day fondly, forever! ” - Dobby
“Your insight into everyone's character and outlook on life was most unusual and very well done: it really improved the enjoyment of reading. Situations encountered by your characters were very believable.” - Amanda
“The proposal was GREAT. I died laughing. All of it was my favorite. Now I am going to read it again and again and again and again...” - Beta Reader
“I've read many P&P fanfics but I don't think I've come across the salient and interesting points depicted here.” -Rose
An apology more offensive than an infamous insult. A decidedly epic set down. A gentleman left properly humbled. An impertinent young lady provoked to civil disdain.
As humiliating as an ill-bred set down was from an impertinent country miss, the veracity of Elizabeth Bennet’s arguments and the humiliation at his own lack of understanding started to sink in.
After years of entrenched isolation, others would take notice if he appeared more civil. How was he to take his place in society without raising expectations?
He reaches out to the one person he can trust, Colonel Fitzwilliam, who joins the party at Netherfield.
The colonel’s plan for Mr. Darcy’s redemption seems on course until his aunt’s obsequious parson proposes marriage to Miss Bingley, setting off a flurry of unintended consequences that even he struggles to contain.
Longbourn is in an uproar. Lady Catherine de Bourgh is on a rampage. Darcy and Elizabeth are estranged.
Dear Reader, this Pride and Prejudice Variation is of the sweet, clean, and slightly witty sort. Although the book opens with an argument and a lot of accusations are thrown around, this story promises nothing more vulgar than Mrs. Bennet’s exclamations and a few ill-informed insinuations. Adult topics are discussed. There will be a happy ending for all.
425 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 3, 2022
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87 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 57 reviews
November 10, 2022
Needs an Editor
I may appear overly harsh in my review, and may ultimately be in the minority, but sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind. I sincerely hope the author takes my review and comments from my notes and highlights as constructive. If nothing else, I am always honest in my reviews and not purposely trying to be mean.
There is a pretty good story here, but it took a great amount of patience for me to get through it. I read every word. Bottom line—too wordy and badly edited. Unfortunately, the book is sorely bogged down with too many extraneous parenthetical thoughts, repetitive quotes, and the excessive use of punctuation, especially commas. There were too many run-on sentences that ruined the syntax of the phrase and interrupted my reading progress. I was forced to re-read too many sentences to get the proper gist of what the author was attempting to express. Many of these over-long sentences could have easily been broken up into two or more for more pleasing flow. In the Kindle Unlimited version I borrowed, there are also technical glitches with some inconsistency in the line spacing and the occasional brief change in font.
I almost gave up reading a few times, as my patience was tried. I read for pleasure, but getting through this book seemed a chore. However, as I felt there was definitely a story buried under all the unnecessary words and punctuation, I wanted to see where it would lead.
What I liked:
- even though it was sometimes weighted with too many words, I appreciated the author’s insight/analysis of characters, offering some perspectives I had never considered;
- Colonel Fitzwilliam’s role in the story as he provided guidance to Darcy along the way—his masterful use of the power of suggestion, for example;
- the portrayals of Miss Bingley and Mr. Collins—in keeping with their characters, but adding encounters that were quite diverting; and
- in the end, providing Lydia a different option than Wickham.
I felt that with a good editor and lots of chopping of this very long story, it could have been better. I strongly suggest one be considered for future publications. Sometimes, less is more. I wavered between two and three stars. I thought the story itself merited at least three.
Well, less is more, Lucrezia.”
“Andrea Del Sarto” Robert Browning 1855
November 9-10, 2022 - Audiobook - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
What can one say about Harry Frost that hasn’t already been said. A favourite narrator and performer, he makes every book a pleasurable listen. He is an automatic go to for me.
This books presents much better in audio form than the first Kindle release I reviewed above. I still found it somewhat wordy and long, but as my original review mentioned, I think there’s a good story here.
I received a complimentary code from the narrator with no promise of a review. Thank you, Harry.
I may appear overly harsh in my review, and may ultimately be in the minority, but sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind. I sincerely hope the author takes my review and comments from my notes and highlights as constructive. If nothing else, I am always honest in my reviews and not purposely trying to be mean.
There is a pretty good story here, but it took a great amount of patience for me to get through it. I read every word. Bottom line—too wordy and badly edited. Unfortunately, the book is sorely bogged down with too many extraneous parenthetical thoughts, repetitive quotes, and the excessive use of punctuation, especially commas. There were too many run-on sentences that ruined the syntax of the phrase and interrupted my reading progress. I was forced to re-read too many sentences to get the proper gist of what the author was attempting to express. Many of these over-long sentences could have easily been broken up into two or more for more pleasing flow. In the Kindle Unlimited version I borrowed, there are also technical glitches with some inconsistency in the line spacing and the occasional brief change in font.
I almost gave up reading a few times, as my patience was tried. I read for pleasure, but getting through this book seemed a chore. However, as I felt there was definitely a story buried under all the unnecessary words and punctuation, I wanted to see where it would lead.
What I liked:
- even though it was sometimes weighted with too many words, I appreciated the author’s insight/analysis of characters, offering some perspectives I had never considered;
- Colonel Fitzwilliam’s role in the story as he provided guidance to Darcy along the way—his masterful use of the power of suggestion, for example;
- the portrayals of Miss Bingley and Mr. Collins—in keeping with their characters, but adding encounters that were quite diverting; and
- in the end, providing Lydia a different option than Wickham.
I felt that with a good editor and lots of chopping of this very long story, it could have been better. I strongly suggest one be considered for future publications. Sometimes, less is more. I wavered between two and three stars. I thought the story itself merited at least three.
Well, less is more, Lucrezia.”
“Andrea Del Sarto” Robert Browning 1855
November 9-10, 2022 - Audiobook - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
What can one say about Harry Frost that hasn’t already been said. A favourite narrator and performer, he makes every book a pleasurable listen. He is an automatic go to for me.
This books presents much better in audio form than the first Kindle release I reviewed above. I still found it somewhat wordy and long, but as my original review mentioned, I think there’s a good story here.
I received a complimentary code from the narrator with no promise of a review. Thank you, Harry.
June 16, 2022
There are quite a few interesting twists to the traditional Pride and Prejudice storyline starting right at the onset of this variation. At the Meryton assembly, after Mr. Darcy has insulted Elizabeth Bennet within her hearing, he overhears her in conversation with Charlotte expressing her poor opinion of him. Upon reflection, he realizes he should apologize and calls at Longbourn the next day to tender it - but he presents it poorly and his response is a thorough tongue-lashing from the lady.
This sets Darcy back on his heels, as he's never considered that his behavior might be lacking until now. He writes Colonel Fitzwilliam to seek his cousin's advice. Instead of answering the letter, the good colonel decides to come to Netherfield himself, getting there not long after the rain-sodden Jane Bennet has arrived for her tea with the Bingley sisters.
Colonel Fitzwilliam's presence changes the trajectory of the plot as he immediately recognizes how perfect Elizabeth and Darcy are for each other. He counsels his cousin and challenges Caroline Bingley's poisonous attitudes. When he becomes aware Wickham is in the local militia, he takes swift action, unintentionally triggering later events.
I really like the basic storyline and most of its offshoots. In an entertaining segment, Mr. Collins's mission to return to Kent betrothed gets turned on its head and leads Darcy to act precipitously. The garbled account Mr Collins gives Lady Catherine regarding his failure to secure a bride as she had directed sends her off on a crusade of her own, including a diverting scene between the Grand Lady and the unimpressed Lydia Bennet. Underlying everything, the romance between Darcy and Elizabeth plays out nicely, going through its ups and downs as events unfold around them.
The author presents a few impressive insights into such things as the reasons for Mr. Darcy's habit of remaining aloof in company (it's more than being naturally shy) and the relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Bennet.
Unfortunately, these insights are buried beneath way too much character introspection, telling rather than showing, and tedious redundancy of information. There's plenty of activity to allow events to drive the plot forward at a good pace. Instead, everything bogs down for long periods as a character thinks about things (rehashing the same ideas repeatedly) and then talks the same things over with another character. The sad result is a book that's much longer than necessary, and it feels that way.
In addition, there are distracting misspellings and punctuation errors throughout which increase as the story goes on.
Overall, I found it to be full of good ideas but a disappointing read.
The content is generally clean. However, be aware that the potential for a gentleman's daughter to end up as a prostitute is discussed, and Mrs Bennet and Mrs Phillips give rather vulgar (though not graphic) details regarding wifely duties, so there is adult subject matter.
This sets Darcy back on his heels, as he's never considered that his behavior might be lacking until now. He writes Colonel Fitzwilliam to seek his cousin's advice. Instead of answering the letter, the good colonel decides to come to Netherfield himself, getting there not long after the rain-sodden Jane Bennet has arrived for her tea with the Bingley sisters.
Colonel Fitzwilliam's presence changes the trajectory of the plot as he immediately recognizes how perfect Elizabeth and Darcy are for each other. He counsels his cousin and challenges Caroline Bingley's poisonous attitudes. When he becomes aware Wickham is in the local militia, he takes swift action, unintentionally triggering later events.
I really like the basic storyline and most of its offshoots. In an entertaining segment, Mr. Collins's mission to return to Kent betrothed gets turned on its head and leads Darcy to act precipitously. The garbled account Mr Collins gives Lady Catherine regarding his failure to secure a bride as she had directed sends her off on a crusade of her own, including a diverting scene between the Grand Lady and the unimpressed Lydia Bennet. Underlying everything, the romance between Darcy and Elizabeth plays out nicely, going through its ups and downs as events unfold around them.
The author presents a few impressive insights into such things as the reasons for Mr. Darcy's habit of remaining aloof in company (it's more than being naturally shy) and the relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Bennet.
Unfortunately, these insights are buried beneath way too much character introspection, telling rather than showing, and tedious redundancy of information. There's plenty of activity to allow events to drive the plot forward at a good pace. Instead, everything bogs down for long periods as a character thinks about things (rehashing the same ideas repeatedly) and then talks the same things over with another character. The sad result is a book that's much longer than necessary, and it feels that way.
In addition, there are distracting misspellings and punctuation errors throughout which increase as the story goes on.
Overall, I found it to be full of good ideas but a disappointing read.
The content is generally clean. However, be aware that the potential for a gentleman's daughter to end up as a prostitute is discussed, and Mrs Bennet and Mrs Phillips give rather vulgar (though not graphic) details regarding wifely duties, so there is adult subject matter.
June 28, 2022
I am sorry to have to rate this new author's story as only a three star but, as other reviews have pointed out, this story was at times a drag, it needed proofreading, and editing.
I did appreciate the beginning in which Darcy realizes he owes Elizabeth Bennet an apology at the Assembly and goes to Longbourn the next day to do so. However, Elizabeth has much to say about why it was necessary to start with. He apologized for saying those words but was he still thinking them?
This book goes into the minds of our characters quite often.
Darcy does write his cousin, the Colonel, for advice which prompts that man to come to Netherfield. Here he finds both Bennet sisters in residence, as Jane has been forced to stay due to riding in the rain and thus becoming ill and Elizabeth is there to nurse her. The Colonel is of the opinion that Elizabeth would be a perfect mate for Darcy and so encourages and advises him.
We do have the romance of Jane and Bingley with Darcy's reflections on that being found out by E. But in a different twist from canon, Lydia's and Wickham's story takes a different path. Appreciated the part when he finds out what Elizabeth really thinks about Darcy, then throws money at Lydia and tells her...nope, can't spoil it. But Lydia does get a full explanation from Aunt Gardiner as to what exactly his words meant.
Elizabeth is not portrayed as perfect and she makes some changes or admits her faults as she and Darcy sort things out. Darcy stays true to his feelings even when it seems that she wants nothing to do with him. Mr. Bennet also sees his failures but in the end others make amends for things gone wrong.
Collins, Caroline and Lady Catherine add some amusing scenes to the story on top of Lady Catherine's usual dictating to those around her.
Due to some of the discussion about what to expect on their wedding night with the Bennet sisters, their mother and their aunt, a MA rating is probably most appropriate. It is not graphic in any sense.
I have noticed this author making comments in the community and so wanted to read her works.
There is an epilogue.
I did appreciate the beginning in which Darcy realizes he owes Elizabeth Bennet an apology at the Assembly and goes to Longbourn the next day to do so. However, Elizabeth has much to say about why it was necessary to start with. He apologized for saying those words but was he still thinking them?
This book goes into the minds of our characters quite often.
Darcy does write his cousin, the Colonel, for advice which prompts that man to come to Netherfield. Here he finds both Bennet sisters in residence, as Jane has been forced to stay due to riding in the rain and thus becoming ill and Elizabeth is there to nurse her. The Colonel is of the opinion that Elizabeth would be a perfect mate for Darcy and so encourages and advises him.
We do have the romance of Jane and Bingley with Darcy's reflections on that being found out by E. But in a different twist from canon, Lydia's and Wickham's story takes a different path. Appreciated the part when he finds out what Elizabeth really thinks about Darcy, then throws money at Lydia and tells her...nope, can't spoil it. But Lydia does get a full explanation from Aunt Gardiner as to what exactly his words meant.
Elizabeth is not portrayed as perfect and she makes some changes or admits her faults as she and Darcy sort things out. Darcy stays true to his feelings even when it seems that she wants nothing to do with him. Mr. Bennet also sees his failures but in the end others make amends for things gone wrong.
Collins, Caroline and Lady Catherine add some amusing scenes to the story on top of Lady Catherine's usual dictating to those around her.
Due to some of the discussion about what to expect on their wedding night with the Bennet sisters, their mother and their aunt, a MA rating is probably most appropriate. It is not graphic in any sense.
I have noticed this author making comments in the community and so wanted to read her works.
There is an epilogue.
May 2, 2023
An overheard insult, a not-so-sorry-apology, mischievous matchmaking, and a classic romance gets turned on its ear in Pemberley Darcy’s A Frankness of Character. As further enticement, a familiar and engaging narrator told this new-to-me author’s debut Pride and Prejudice variation story.
Whether familiar with the original classic or not, readers and listeners can follow along for this engaging Regency era sweet romance which begins when a wealthy, high ranking man who can’t see he has gotten a smidge arrogant. Fitzwilliam Darcy is overheard by the lady when he throws shade on her ‘tolerable’ beauty and declines dancing with her or any of the rest of the country neighborhood ladies. Elizabeth, who normally laughs at people’s folly, reacts strongly to the insult and tells Fitzwilliam Darcy what he can do with his half-hearted not-so apology when he learns she heard him and comes to do the gentlemanly thing.
Neither of them pick up on the mutual attraction and have reasons for not wanting anything to do with it if it were true. His is duty to class and hers is her doubt in his character. Though Mr. Darcy softens first, confronts his flaws after Elizabeth threw them in his face, and is well aware he met his match even without his cousin’s matchmaking efforts to help him, Elizabeth has to learn her own truth about first impressions and she isn’t as good at gauging people’s characters as she thought.
Plenty of interference comes from others, some of it fun and some stirring up trouble. A secondary romance for Jane Bennet goes along calmly by comparison and there is a startling turn of events for Elizabeth’s wildest younger sister, Lydia.
Between the antics of silly Mr. Collins, Lady Catherine and mean girl, Caroline Bingley, things sure weren’t dull and I got a few good laughs, but seeing a couple grow in understanding and love at the center of it all was sweet indeed.
The pacing is uneven. There are times of repetitive thoughts that bog down the plot. But, it does have fascinating portraits of the character personalities and weaves some interesting storylines around the central couple.
Harry Frost is a familiar voice in Austenesque fiction and he handles this latest variation just as well. His character voices and astute tone and pacing made a good story even better.
All in all, this was a good time with familiar characters in new situations and I found it endearing with an eminently satisfying ending.
I rec'd an audio from the author to listen to in exchange of an honest review.
My full review will post at Caffeinated Reviewer Apr 19th.
Whether familiar with the original classic or not, readers and listeners can follow along for this engaging Regency era sweet romance which begins when a wealthy, high ranking man who can’t see he has gotten a smidge arrogant. Fitzwilliam Darcy is overheard by the lady when he throws shade on her ‘tolerable’ beauty and declines dancing with her or any of the rest of the country neighborhood ladies. Elizabeth, who normally laughs at people’s folly, reacts strongly to the insult and tells Fitzwilliam Darcy what he can do with his half-hearted not-so apology when he learns she heard him and comes to do the gentlemanly thing.
Neither of them pick up on the mutual attraction and have reasons for not wanting anything to do with it if it were true. His is duty to class and hers is her doubt in his character. Though Mr. Darcy softens first, confronts his flaws after Elizabeth threw them in his face, and is well aware he met his match even without his cousin’s matchmaking efforts to help him, Elizabeth has to learn her own truth about first impressions and she isn’t as good at gauging people’s characters as she thought.
Plenty of interference comes from others, some of it fun and some stirring up trouble. A secondary romance for Jane Bennet goes along calmly by comparison and there is a startling turn of events for Elizabeth’s wildest younger sister, Lydia.
Between the antics of silly Mr. Collins, Lady Catherine and mean girl, Caroline Bingley, things sure weren’t dull and I got a few good laughs, but seeing a couple grow in understanding and love at the center of it all was sweet indeed.
The pacing is uneven. There are times of repetitive thoughts that bog down the plot. But, it does have fascinating portraits of the character personalities and weaves some interesting storylines around the central couple.
Harry Frost is a familiar voice in Austenesque fiction and he handles this latest variation just as well. His character voices and astute tone and pacing made a good story even better.
All in all, this was a good time with familiar characters in new situations and I found it endearing with an eminently satisfying ending.
I rec'd an audio from the author to listen to in exchange of an honest review.
My full review will post at Caffeinated Reviewer Apr 19th.
June 9, 2022
Lots of Frankness in the book. So much so the plot isn’t driven by non-communication or miscommunication. Interesting take by the author. I enjoyed some newish views we have about Lizzy and Darcy
I didn’t enjoyed reading in detail about thing we knew before but one character was telling another character.
All in all a pretty good story. Glad I read it.
I didn’t enjoyed reading in detail about thing we knew before but one character was telling another character.
All in all a pretty good story. Glad I read it.
April 15, 2023
Audiobook:
I’d never read anything by this author before, but I have listened to several by voice actor Harry Frost, so I knew that I was sure to at least enjoy the narration. Fantastic story — believable twist to a favorite classic and excellent storytelling by a gifted narrator. A FRANKNESS OF CHARACTER stays true to Austen’s characters; satisfying story arc for such beloved characters in this thoughtful reimagining. Harry Frost did not disappoint—excellent pacing, rich range of characters without making any of them cliche, and his “Darcy” is the best I’ve heard in any Austen-adjacent audiobook. I look forward to listening to this one again. Brava!
I’d never read anything by this author before, but I have listened to several by voice actor Harry Frost, so I knew that I was sure to at least enjoy the narration. Fantastic story — believable twist to a favorite classic and excellent storytelling by a gifted narrator. A FRANKNESS OF CHARACTER stays true to Austen’s characters; satisfying story arc for such beloved characters in this thoughtful reimagining. Harry Frost did not disappoint—excellent pacing, rich range of characters without making any of them cliche, and his “Darcy” is the best I’ve heard in any Austen-adjacent audiobook. I look forward to listening to this one again. Brava!
June 29, 2022
This was a fun read...Cleverly written! Will read again!
July 3, 2022
A good editor is not a teacher, nor an English major, nor your Aunt Betty, nor a well-intentioned beta. A good editor is someone who is practised in looking out for errors of many kinds and helping the author to put out an error-free book. And this book desperately needs a good editor. It’s a wonderful tale that lost at least a full star from me for the abominable way it treated its readers by being on sale with such horrific technical problems. This has got to be nearly the worst edited JAFF I have seen in the last year, maybe longer. And it’s shameful since the concept itself is so good. This is the sort of novel that I would be tempted to report to Amazon for errors. But where would I start? Instead, I shall start with this review and see what happens.
As per my usual review, it is a technical one, that is, you’ll see little of a subjective nature in the review because I’ll be looking at the items that other reviewers tend to miss or skim over, but that irritate readers and cause them to drop stars. This is a long review because it’s a long book with plenty of problems.
The plot was complete with a full story arc that has a somewhat slow start, making the reader wonder what all the fuss was about. But there is a great deal of excitement in the middle, and a satisfying conclusion. The flow is forward, and as I mentioned, the pacing is a bit on the slower side at first.
Point of view is quite mixed. The first section is 100% head-hopping with one point of view per paragraph and half a dozen POV’s, something that no good editor would condone. It’s followed by a typical romance style of long sections of third person multiple POV alternating one at a time, but no indications of changes, making the reader have to do a double-take every now and again. Then the author switches to Omniscient Narrator, followed by more of the classic romance third person multiple, alternating POV, non-delineated. The story head-hops once in a while in its later scenes. It’s crazy, man! One POV per scene, with a scene marker to show the readers when the POV changes, please!
Formatting problems were seen in the first 22% of the book. In three places, the line spacing changed for about half a page. There was also a noticeable font change at 14%. The author claimed on Goodreads that this was fixed, but it must only be for new books. The correction was not passed along to past purchasers. A formatting error like this is annoying and should not have been allowed to get out the door. The author should read their book once input into Amazon and before release.
Language was mixed, with some decent Regency language and some woeful use of modernisms. The reader was plucked out of the story with expressions such as “a force to be reckoned with,” “went for it,” “follow someone else’s lead,” and “shot him a look.” The uses of non-Regency words or use of words and phrases in a non-Regency way included assess/assessing, headed, “dance card,” strain, share, trousseau, chuckled, appraises, reaction, staff, snort, blackmailing, debutantes, modiste, hairstyles, and normalcy. “Knocked over with a feather” isn’t Regency, either. This is a slightly long list for a JAFF book, but this was a long book. The author was using British spellings, but I still was knocked for a loop with British speakers saying “I will,” “we will,” toward, and “write him” for “write to him.” No contractions were detected, indicating that the editor at least looked at one aspect of the writing. There were no complicated words to look up, meaning that the author didn’t try to wow the reader with big words and instead, chose language appropriate to the average Jane Austen reader. There were clearly quotable quotes, evidenced by the other reviewers’ selections of highlights.
However, the author seemed to try to impress the reader with vocabulary by replacing the word “said” with fancy dialog tags or even other words that weren’t at all proper for dialog tags. The dialogue itself should show what’s happening, and a telling tag is unnecessary unless the author hasn’t done a good job at the dialogue. Cut all dialog tags except for “said,” and then try to also cut “said.” Conceded, pronounced, and declared are all redundant if the dialogue is written well.
There were too many word errors or spelling errors. Mute for moot, gentleman where gentlemen was called for, jilted was used inappropriately, alluded for eluded, droughts for draughts, loathed for loath, levity used incorrectly, rein for reign, effecting for affecting, though for although, and born for borne. After I completed my notes, I saw another in another reviewer’s highlights. One of these is too many.
Punctuation errors were the most off-putting part of the book. There were extra commas everywhere, including between the subject and the verb of the sentence when they had no business being there—and then another comma a few words later just in case. These were not for a parenthetical phrase—they were just willy-nilly comma placement. To balance this off, the author missed commas in other locations that were normal for commas. A period was used at the end of the title “Miss,” which is unnecessary. Dialogue punctuation errors were found in several locations. I detected a comma splice. An uncalled-for apostrophe at the end of a singular word, a plural using an apostrophe, and other improper plural possessives all were found. The author used parenthesis, which are not to be used in fiction, rather, commas or em-dashes are used for parenthetical statements. A proper title was not capitalized in an instance where it was clear the word should have been capitalized. A comma was used in place of a hyphen at one point, as well as for a semicolon. If even half of these errors existed, I would have found the book off-putting. But the number that were left after supposed editing was downright embarrassing for the editor. The result was choppy reading and in places, sentences that were difficult to understand.
Some general errors were made that caused confusion to readers. Mr. Wickham was never introduced. I went back to ensure this was the case. The Bennet ladies just magically knew who he was in the scene that followed. There were references to Elizabeth being impoverished and a penniless nobody, which is not canon: her father was a minor gentleman with a good income and she had a small dowry; no one would apply those characterizations to her. Even Charlotte, with no dowry, was not penniless or impoverished. And speaking of such, Mr. Bennet is referred to as a country squire, which would be more in line with the description of Sir William Lucas. Mr. Bennet is a gentleman and the premier landowner of the area, and Longbourn is the central village. That is certainly higher than squire material. At one point, a “son of an earl” is referenced, and it sounds like the person is Darcy, who is actually the grandson of an earl. The scene isn’t clear, but it’s definitely not speaking of Colonel Fitzwilliam. At another point, Mrs. Bennet refers to “three daughters neither engaged nor wed” where it should be two.
Non-canon references that grate included the use of hedgerows, as well as the wearing of masks as a metaphor for a rigid facial expression.
The author used filter words and “telling” in the narrative at times, however, for the most part, this author is very good at showing not telling in the introspective sections. A bit of practise at catching the filter words and telling paragraphs, and her books will positively blossom.
Sometimes in a long book, the author is faced with finding ways to cut to make the text move along quickly. In this case, one example is the excellent way that Collins’s proposal was written in a summary form. Good job.
Small details show a good familiarity with Regency customs and technology for a first-time author. Obviously, the author was paying attention to others and made a good research effort.
Characterizations were true to the original and consistent throughout. The author utilized the character traits to add humour to the story, which began at about 30% in and peaked at the midway point. The humour was almost like a character itself, with brilliant timing, superb wit, and admirable changes and twists that brought out the best in the traditional characters. My favourite part was the way that Darcy ran away after the first proposal.
Scene-setting was good, utilizing all the senses to help the reader know what was occurring as if they were really there.
The development of the romance took place a bit fast, but it continued its growth through the rather long book, so it could be said that the earlier romance wasn’t the full development at all, and we should look to Elizabeth’s point of view for the true trajectory of that part of the story, in which case, it was slower than in most JAFFs. I don’t mind. That part was believable and entertaining.
Usually, I don’t like covers that are just flowers because I find them unimaginative and they don’t give any hints of the story within. However, this particular arrangement is artful, whimsical, and different, making it draw the eye better than those covers with just one or two big flowers with an out-of-focus background or Pemberley behind them. The fonts and layout are also professional looking. Hence, this is a good cover because it’s eye-catching and well-designed. Its flaw is that it doesn’t hint of the story.
When I submitted my first book for publication, I was confident it needed little work. I was shocked to find how naïve I was, and how much was wrong with my own editing. Even so, that book still stands with errors of its own—an average amount for a JAFF book, and I had one of the best editors in JAFF. If A Frankness of Character had been edited by a good editor like the ones I’ve had, it would have gotten 5 stars from me without hesitation. As it was, I felt like I was being generous giving this novel 4 stars, I was so disappointed in having to wade through such a mess to find the story. And the story is quite engaging. It has some good bones. So I felt bad for the author to see her baby get less than 5 stars. But this book needs several serious passes with a dedicated author and editor team (content and copy editors) to get it right. And that’s the down side of pushing out a book too fast. Most of my friends are self-published, and have a good editing team who help them to get away with under a dozen tiny errors per book. This situation should be a learning experience for all authors who think they can get away without a good editor or two.
Despite the excellent story, I can not recommend this book until the author has announced that she’s hired a professional editor and has cleaned up all the errors. I’ve been generous enough to give a starting point in the lists above. If I can be convinced that all is corrected, I'll update this review.
Disclaimer: I’m a JAFF author, and some might consider this review a conflict of interest. However, I was a reader first, and my reviews are honest and impartial. I write my reviews for both the reader and the author.
As per my usual review, it is a technical one, that is, you’ll see little of a subjective nature in the review because I’ll be looking at the items that other reviewers tend to miss or skim over, but that irritate readers and cause them to drop stars. This is a long review because it’s a long book with plenty of problems.
The plot was complete with a full story arc that has a somewhat slow start, making the reader wonder what all the fuss was about. But there is a great deal of excitement in the middle, and a satisfying conclusion. The flow is forward, and as I mentioned, the pacing is a bit on the slower side at first.
Point of view is quite mixed. The first section is 100% head-hopping with one point of view per paragraph and half a dozen POV’s, something that no good editor would condone. It’s followed by a typical romance style of long sections of third person multiple POV alternating one at a time, but no indications of changes, making the reader have to do a double-take every now and again. Then the author switches to Omniscient Narrator, followed by more of the classic romance third person multiple, alternating POV, non-delineated. The story head-hops once in a while in its later scenes. It’s crazy, man! One POV per scene, with a scene marker to show the readers when the POV changes, please!
Formatting problems were seen in the first 22% of the book. In three places, the line spacing changed for about half a page. There was also a noticeable font change at 14%. The author claimed on Goodreads that this was fixed, but it must only be for new books. The correction was not passed along to past purchasers. A formatting error like this is annoying and should not have been allowed to get out the door. The author should read their book once input into Amazon and before release.
Language was mixed, with some decent Regency language and some woeful use of modernisms. The reader was plucked out of the story with expressions such as “a force to be reckoned with,” “went for it,” “follow someone else’s lead,” and “shot him a look.” The uses of non-Regency words or use of words and phrases in a non-Regency way included assess/assessing, headed, “dance card,” strain, share, trousseau, chuckled, appraises, reaction, staff, snort, blackmailing, debutantes, modiste, hairstyles, and normalcy. “Knocked over with a feather” isn’t Regency, either. This is a slightly long list for a JAFF book, but this was a long book. The author was using British spellings, but I still was knocked for a loop with British speakers saying “I will,” “we will,” toward, and “write him” for “write to him.” No contractions were detected, indicating that the editor at least looked at one aspect of the writing. There were no complicated words to look up, meaning that the author didn’t try to wow the reader with big words and instead, chose language appropriate to the average Jane Austen reader. There were clearly quotable quotes, evidenced by the other reviewers’ selections of highlights.
However, the author seemed to try to impress the reader with vocabulary by replacing the word “said” with fancy dialog tags or even other words that weren’t at all proper for dialog tags. The dialogue itself should show what’s happening, and a telling tag is unnecessary unless the author hasn’t done a good job at the dialogue. Cut all dialog tags except for “said,” and then try to also cut “said.” Conceded, pronounced, and declared are all redundant if the dialogue is written well.
There were too many word errors or spelling errors. Mute for moot, gentleman where gentlemen was called for, jilted was used inappropriately, alluded for eluded, droughts for draughts, loathed for loath, levity used incorrectly, rein for reign, effecting for affecting, though for although, and born for borne. After I completed my notes, I saw another in another reviewer’s highlights. One of these is too many.
Punctuation errors were the most off-putting part of the book. There were extra commas everywhere, including between the subject and the verb of the sentence when they had no business being there—and then another comma a few words later just in case. These were not for a parenthetical phrase—they were just willy-nilly comma placement. To balance this off, the author missed commas in other locations that were normal for commas. A period was used at the end of the title “Miss,” which is unnecessary. Dialogue punctuation errors were found in several locations. I detected a comma splice. An uncalled-for apostrophe at the end of a singular word, a plural using an apostrophe, and other improper plural possessives all were found. The author used parenthesis, which are not to be used in fiction, rather, commas or em-dashes are used for parenthetical statements. A proper title was not capitalized in an instance where it was clear the word should have been capitalized. A comma was used in place of a hyphen at one point, as well as for a semicolon. If even half of these errors existed, I would have found the book off-putting. But the number that were left after supposed editing was downright embarrassing for the editor. The result was choppy reading and in places, sentences that were difficult to understand.
Some general errors were made that caused confusion to readers. Mr. Wickham was never introduced. I went back to ensure this was the case. The Bennet ladies just magically knew who he was in the scene that followed. There were references to Elizabeth being impoverished and a penniless nobody, which is not canon: her father was a minor gentleman with a good income and she had a small dowry; no one would apply those characterizations to her. Even Charlotte, with no dowry, was not penniless or impoverished. And speaking of such, Mr. Bennet is referred to as a country squire, which would be more in line with the description of Sir William Lucas. Mr. Bennet is a gentleman and the premier landowner of the area, and Longbourn is the central village. That is certainly higher than squire material. At one point, a “son of an earl” is referenced, and it sounds like the person is Darcy, who is actually the grandson of an earl. The scene isn’t clear, but it’s definitely not speaking of Colonel Fitzwilliam. At another point, Mrs. Bennet refers to “three daughters neither engaged nor wed” where it should be two.
Non-canon references that grate included the use of hedgerows, as well as the wearing of masks as a metaphor for a rigid facial expression.
The author used filter words and “telling” in the narrative at times, however, for the most part, this author is very good at showing not telling in the introspective sections. A bit of practise at catching the filter words and telling paragraphs, and her books will positively blossom.
Sometimes in a long book, the author is faced with finding ways to cut to make the text move along quickly. In this case, one example is the excellent way that Collins’s proposal was written in a summary form. Good job.
Small details show a good familiarity with Regency customs and technology for a first-time author. Obviously, the author was paying attention to others and made a good research effort.
Characterizations were true to the original and consistent throughout. The author utilized the character traits to add humour to the story, which began at about 30% in and peaked at the midway point. The humour was almost like a character itself, with brilliant timing, superb wit, and admirable changes and twists that brought out the best in the traditional characters. My favourite part was the way that Darcy ran away after the first proposal.
Scene-setting was good, utilizing all the senses to help the reader know what was occurring as if they were really there.
The development of the romance took place a bit fast, but it continued its growth through the rather long book, so it could be said that the earlier romance wasn’t the full development at all, and we should look to Elizabeth’s point of view for the true trajectory of that part of the story, in which case, it was slower than in most JAFFs. I don’t mind. That part was believable and entertaining.
Usually, I don’t like covers that are just flowers because I find them unimaginative and they don’t give any hints of the story within. However, this particular arrangement is artful, whimsical, and different, making it draw the eye better than those covers with just one or two big flowers with an out-of-focus background or Pemberley behind them. The fonts and layout are also professional looking. Hence, this is a good cover because it’s eye-catching and well-designed. Its flaw is that it doesn’t hint of the story.
When I submitted my first book for publication, I was confident it needed little work. I was shocked to find how naïve I was, and how much was wrong with my own editing. Even so, that book still stands with errors of its own—an average amount for a JAFF book, and I had one of the best editors in JAFF. If A Frankness of Character had been edited by a good editor like the ones I’ve had, it would have gotten 5 stars from me without hesitation. As it was, I felt like I was being generous giving this novel 4 stars, I was so disappointed in having to wade through such a mess to find the story. And the story is quite engaging. It has some good bones. So I felt bad for the author to see her baby get less than 5 stars. But this book needs several serious passes with a dedicated author and editor team (content and copy editors) to get it right. And that’s the down side of pushing out a book too fast. Most of my friends are self-published, and have a good editing team who help them to get away with under a dozen tiny errors per book. This situation should be a learning experience for all authors who think they can get away without a good editor or two.
Despite the excellent story, I can not recommend this book until the author has announced that she’s hired a professional editor and has cleaned up all the errors. I’ve been generous enough to give a starting point in the lists above. If I can be convinced that all is corrected, I'll update this review.
Disclaimer: I’m a JAFF author, and some might consider this review a conflict of interest. However, I was a reader first, and my reviews are honest and impartial. I write my reviews for both the reader and the author.
June 9, 2022
Interesting
A rather interesting and action packed variation inspired by author Jane Austen’s classic novel Pride and Prejudice by Pemberley Darcy. I enjoyed it.
A rather interesting and action packed variation inspired by author Jane Austen’s classic novel Pride and Prejudice by Pemberley Darcy. I enjoyed it.
June 10, 2022
I liked it. Some typos and random commas did not take away from the enjoyment. I loved how the characters were portrayed and how the dialogue was not stilted.
July 1, 2022
To assess one's character takes time. For Miss Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy it will take more.
This story reveals the vile nature of Wickham and the negligence of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet with potentially disastrous results. We witnessed the inner workings of our each characters minds and the cooperation required to avoid possible scandal and misunderstandings. I found myself screaming at Mr. Collins' vanity, Miss Bingley 's viscous nature, Lady Catherine de Bourgh's high handedness , Lydia's ignorance and even Mr.Darcy's reticence toward action. This was truly as the title suggests, a frankness of character. You're going to enjoy this one.
This story reveals the vile nature of Wickham and the negligence of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet with potentially disastrous results. We witnessed the inner workings of our each characters minds and the cooperation required to avoid possible scandal and misunderstandings. I found myself screaming at Mr. Collins' vanity, Miss Bingley 's viscous nature, Lady Catherine de Bourgh's high handedness , Lydia's ignorance and even Mr.Darcy's reticence toward action. This was truly as the title suggests, a frankness of character. You're going to enjoy this one.
June 7, 2022
I read the whole long winded book. Needs a line editor and a story editor.
I do not want to discourage this new author. She has some interesting ideas. I always worry when an author starts on fan fiction sites and only thanks one beta reader.
The author might want to reconsider her pen name. It was impossible to find this book on Amazon using it. I’ll admit it personally turned me off also.
I agree with Marie’s extensive review and notes.
So I’m just going to mention many of the problems Marie didn’t.
There was a line where Elizabeth provides relief to Darcy’s levity. This makes no sense.
Too many modern words including input 20th century, crosshairs, sidelines and my ‘favorite’ the very 1960s word Kook.
There was a confusing passage about Lady Catherine being forbidden from the Gardiners’ house which made no sense.
Everyone’s character was dialed up to eleven from canon except Darcy who was dialed to Marianne Dashwood. The word sensibilities was used 60 times.
I do not want to discourage this new author. She has some interesting ideas. I always worry when an author starts on fan fiction sites and only thanks one beta reader.
The author might want to reconsider her pen name. It was impossible to find this book on Amazon using it. I’ll admit it personally turned me off also.
I agree with Marie’s extensive review and notes.
So I’m just going to mention many of the problems Marie didn’t.
There was a line where Elizabeth provides relief to Darcy’s levity. This makes no sense.
Too many modern words including input 20th century, crosshairs, sidelines and my ‘favorite’ the very 1960s word Kook.
There was a confusing passage about Lady Catherine being forbidden from the Gardiners’ house which made no sense.
Everyone’s character was dialed up to eleven from canon except Darcy who was dialed to Marianne Dashwood. The word sensibilities was used 60 times.
October 27, 2022
This is an amazing story! A fantastic Colonel, a persistent if a bit clueless Darcy, an oblivious Bingley and a quick to temper Lizzy. This was a great funny and sweet variation with the funniest proposal day I ever read! I loved this Colonel trying so hard to give Darcy some good advice and calling out his behaviour towards Lizzy. I struggled a bit with the changing behaviour of Lizzy she was easily swayed in this one but when she fell she fell hard! I loved the indiscreet kisses between ODC and I loved Lydia’s new and happier ending. Harry’s narration was amazing as always. His pacing, use of different characters voices and his overall story telling is second to none!
July 30, 2022
This story has moments of brilliance and then moments that were too slow. I rated it 4 starts because the good parts were very good. This variation follows the original for the most part, but with a much more introspective Darcy and a Elizabeth speaks frankly from the start. The stars in this story are the Collins proposal situation and Mrs. Bennet revelations the night before the weddings. I laughed out loud for each!
May 18, 2022
I’m looking forward to rereading the finished version. I enjoyed this on fanfiction.net
July 4, 2022
Intriguing and satisfying
I love the way this tale really gets under the skin of our so well known characters, their thoughts and feelings but also their deeper motivations both conscious and unknown to themselves. Very well recommended, one star abstracted for over-use of the humble comma. It distracts, please use less Ms D!
I love the way this tale really gets under the skin of our so well known characters, their thoughts and feelings but also their deeper motivations both conscious and unknown to themselves. Very well recommended, one star abstracted for over-use of the humble comma. It distracts, please use less Ms D!
July 22, 2022
good, but to long.
Was a good story, but way too long. Could have said it in 25 chapters. But having said I would still recommend you read it.
Was a good story, but way too long. Could have said it in 25 chapters. But having said I would still recommend you read it.
June 13, 2022
This book was so wittily written reminiscent of Janes original.
An enjoyable read for me look forward to more to come.
An enjoyable read for me look forward to more to come.
June 6, 2022
It's a good P & P variation book.
I enjoyed reading this creative story
from the first to last page.
Keeps you wondering till the end.
A Must Read!
I enjoyed reading this creative story
from the first to last page.
Keeps you wondering till the end.
A Must Read!
September 24, 2022
a frankness of character
This is a delightful tale of how Darcy and Elizabeth came to respect and love one another. All the usual characters were present and behaved as expected. A good read for a rainy afternoon
This is a delightful tale of how Darcy and Elizabeth came to respect and love one another. All the usual characters were present and behaved as expected. A good read for a rainy afternoon
May 19, 2022
I particularly enjoyed that Elizabeth took Darcy to task for his poor behaviour soon after meeting him
and encouraged him to consider what type of women would consider him desirable regardless; fortune hunters with no interest in an amiable relationship. Colonel Fitzwilliam's contributions to Darcy's reform were inspired and funny. I found this a very enjoyable P&P variation.
and encouraged him to consider what type of women would consider him desirable regardless; fortune hunters with no interest in an amiable relationship. Colonel Fitzwilliam's contributions to Darcy's reform were inspired and funny. I found this a very enjoyable P&P variation.
May 23, 2022
Great story. So much fun. The author keeps the characters true to form. With some surprised. There are also funny, lighthearted moments as well. I am an avid Pride & Prejudice fan and read a lot of Fanfiction. The author cuts new ground with the characters and even though they are essentially the same, it makes for a very interesting story.
July 9, 2022
A rather slow start to the story which truly did not hint of what a interesting tale was to follow.
We begin at the Meryton assembly with the musings of an raving incensed Darcy. How could anyone think so poorly of him! He overhears Elizabeth telling Charlotte about his rude comment. Lizzy is fairly boiling over with anger!
But for Darcy it is unsupportable that she would ever say such things about Fitzwilliam Darcy! His self important thoughts were all about his elevated position in society. Truly detracting from his handsome gentlemanly appearance!
From there his thoughts are all about defending his character. His several misspoken apologies fail in every way . As they should!
But his cousin Richard comes to his rescue to help him see the error of his ways. He comes to realize how much he is attracted to the fine eyes of the daughter of a country gentleman. He sets off to woo her and change her negative opinion of his character.
By the middle the reader is entrenched in all the goings on between sisters and beaus. Not to mention a neglectful Mr Bennet.
There is the usual Wickham and Lydia debacle. But I liked the way the author coped with making Lydia become more sensible and still her charming silly self. Her situation was concluded in a very satisfying way.
A entertaining read especially from a new author!
Kudos to Pemberly Darcy for being a gifted wordsmith:)
We begin at the Meryton assembly with the musings of an raving incensed Darcy. How could anyone think so poorly of him! He overhears Elizabeth telling Charlotte about his rude comment. Lizzy is fairly boiling over with anger!
But for Darcy it is unsupportable that she would ever say such things about Fitzwilliam Darcy! His self important thoughts were all about his elevated position in society. Truly detracting from his handsome gentlemanly appearance!
From there his thoughts are all about defending his character. His several misspoken apologies fail in every way . As they should!
But his cousin Richard comes to his rescue to help him see the error of his ways. He comes to realize how much he is attracted to the fine eyes of the daughter of a country gentleman. He sets off to woo her and change her negative opinion of his character.
By the middle the reader is entrenched in all the goings on between sisters and beaus. Not to mention a neglectful Mr Bennet.
There is the usual Wickham and Lydia debacle. But I liked the way the author coped with making Lydia become more sensible and still her charming silly self. Her situation was concluded in a very satisfying way.
A entertaining read especially from a new author!
Kudos to Pemberly Darcy for being a gifted wordsmith:)
November 10, 2022
A Frankness of Character
What a great book! I really loved reading it and enjoyed the unexpected twists and turns. I recommend it wholeheartedly to those who enjoy all things Pride and Prejudice!
What a great book! I really loved reading it and enjoyed the unexpected twists and turns. I recommend it wholeheartedly to those who enjoy all things Pride and Prejudice!
October 6, 2022
Fun
A little long winded at times but with a very keen understanding of the human psychic. I enjoyed the dialogue, and of course the courtship dance between Darcy and Lizzy
A little long winded at times but with a very keen understanding of the human psychic. I enjoyed the dialogue, and of course the courtship dance between Darcy and Lizzy
June 6, 2022
read it for Mrs Bennets speeches
I give it four stars not five because there are some long winded parts they ended up skipping over because they just kept repeating the characters thinking on what they were going through. This story though it’s definitely worth reading especially for Mrs. Bennett’s speeches and none of them are more hilarious than her premarital advice speech. And also for Mr. Collins proposal to Miss Bingley. Those are both hilarious scenes. Overall the story is clean which is great, has a good plot.
I give it four stars not five because there are some long winded parts they ended up skipping over because they just kept repeating the characters thinking on what they were going through. This story though it’s definitely worth reading especially for Mrs. Bennett’s speeches and none of them are more hilarious than her premarital advice speech. And also for Mr. Collins proposal to Miss Bingley. Those are both hilarious scenes. Overall the story is clean which is great, has a good plot.
September 26, 2022
It wloved it no complants great story arcas the most incredible book
July 3, 2022
Needs some work, as other reviewers have pointed out, but shows lots of promise.
June 29, 2022
Good story with the basics
Most stories are regurgitated lines and events from the classic with minimal changes. This has the basics but much is changed. No Mr Collins marrying Charlotte. No marriage for Wickham and Lydia. I enjoy when its a new tale of ODC.
Most stories are regurgitated lines and events from the classic with minimal changes. This has the basics but much is changed. No Mr Collins marrying Charlotte. No marriage for Wickham and Lydia. I enjoy when its a new tale of ODC.
June 9, 2022
One of the best variations I've read. Clever engaging storyline and a very happy ending.
Loved our familiar characters witty Lizzy sensible Charlotte beautiful kind naive Jane are all true to character as are bingley Darcy and Fitzwilliam. Plenty of drama and somewhat different plot whilst remaining true to the original
Loved our familiar characters witty Lizzy sensible Charlotte beautiful kind naive Jane are all true to character as are bingley Darcy and Fitzwilliam. Plenty of drama and somewhat different plot whilst remaining true to the original
Displaying 1 - 30 of 57 reviews