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My Life in the Sunshine: Searching for My Father and Discovering My Family
“Nabil traces the image of his father through song. With growing fascination and heartbreak, he draws out meaning from the shadow of absence, and ultimately redefines what it means to be a family.” - Michelle Zauner, New York Times bestselling author of Crying in H Mart and Grammy nominated musician Japanese BreakfastA memoir about one man's journey to connect with his musician father, ultimately re-drawing the lines that define family and race.Throughout his adult life, whether he was opening a Seattle record store in the '90s or touring the world as the only non-white band member in alternative rock bands, Nabil Ayers felt the shadow and legacy of his father's musical genius, and his race, everywhere. In 1971, a white, Jewish, former ballerina, chose to have a child with the famous Black jazz musician Roy Ayers, fully expecting and agreeing that he would not be involved in the child's life. In this highly original memoir, their son, Nabil Ayers, recounts a life spent living with the aftermath of that decision, and his journey to build an identity of his own despite and in spite of his father’s absence. Growing up, Nabil only meets his father a handful of times. But Roy’s influence is strong, showing itself in Nabil’s instinctual love of music, and later, in the music industry—Nabil’s chosen career path. By turns hopeful--wanting to connect with the man who passed down his genetic predisposition for musical talent—and frustrated with Roy’s continued emotional distance, Nabil struggles with how much DNA can define a family… and a person. Unable to fully connect with Roy, Nabil ultimately discovers the existence of several half-siblings as well as a paternal ancestor who was enslaved. Following these connections, Nabil meets and befriends the descendant of the plantation owner, which, strangely, paves the way for him to make meaningful connections with extended family he never knew existed. Undeterred by his father's absence, Nabil, through sheer will and a drive to understand his roots, re-draws the lines that define family and race.
319 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 7, 2022
27 people are currently reading
636 people want to read
About the author
Nabil Ayers
1 book11 followersNabil Ayers is the author of the memoir “My Life in the Sunshine” (Viking, 2022) and has contributed to the New York Times, The Guardian, and GQ on topics of family, race, and music. By day, he is the president of Beggars Group US, leading the record label group in New York. Ayers also hosts “Identified”, a podcast about exploring family dynamics.
Ayers co-founded Sonic Boom Records in Seattle at age 25 and has recorded and toured globally as a drummer in several bands. He is the current President of the Beggars Group US group of record labels in New York City. Ayers lives with his wife in Brooklyn.
substack.com/@nabilayers
https://www.identifiedpod.com/
Ayers co-founded Sonic Boom Records in Seattle at age 25 and has recorded and toured globally as a drummer in several bands. He is the current President of the Beggars Group US group of record labels in New York City. Ayers lives with his wife in Brooklyn.
substack.com/@nabilayers
https://www.identifiedpod.com/
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
July 31, 2022
The audiobook was so fun to listen to as it was read by Nabil Ayers himself. He has such an interesting story and such a positive outlook on life. Hearing about Massachusetts and NYC in the 70s and 80s was super cool. Nabil seems like a really awesome dude. I highly recommend for all music fans!
October 3, 2022
The book starts the moment the author's mother met his father when his mother was twenty and his father was twenty-nine. His father was a famous jazz musician named Roy Ayers, and his mother was a retired ballerina who was lost in New York. This story is about how the author's mother wanted to be a single mother and made an arrangement with his father to have a child. Nabil grew up without a father, but it wasn't presented as and thing. Instead, his uncle was a prominent figure in his life, and why he got into music. Then at age 35, he briefly reconnected with the father he never knew and his half-siblings. This story is about how a man learns about himself, his roots, and his musical passion.
The author wrote this beautiful, lyrical memoir with musical influences weaved throughout it. The way he talked about his family was interesting. Later in the book, he spoke about how he felt the decision his parents made to have him was a selfish act and how he struggled with anger toward his mom later in life.
One passage that struck me was when the author wrote, "They looked at my mother and me, but nobody smiled or said hello. The residents of Flatbush likely had no idea that by Jewish law, both my mother and I were Jewish. Instead, we walked the streets feeling judged and unwelcome, but when we arrived at Grandpa Joe's, we were home. 'He's such a schnorrer,' Edith would say describing a neighbor who always asks to borrow things. 'She was hocking me like a chinik,' Joe exclaimed about a former colleague who talked too much. The next winter when my mother brought me to the doctor with a serious cold, the doctor asked me to describe my symptoms. I have a hock and a schnoz,' I said in a nasal voice, describing my sore throat and stuffy nose in my own made-up Yiddish-sounding terms."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo..."
The author wrote this beautiful, lyrical memoir with musical influences weaved throughout it. The way he talked about his family was interesting. Later in the book, he spoke about how he felt the decision his parents made to have him was a selfish act and how he struggled with anger toward his mom later in life.
One passage that struck me was when the author wrote, "They looked at my mother and me, but nobody smiled or said hello. The residents of Flatbush likely had no idea that by Jewish law, both my mother and I were Jewish. Instead, we walked the streets feeling judged and unwelcome, but when we arrived at Grandpa Joe's, we were home. 'He's such a schnorrer,' Edith would say describing a neighbor who always asks to borrow things. 'She was hocking me like a chinik,' Joe exclaimed about a former colleague who talked too much. The next winter when my mother brought me to the doctor with a serious cold, the doctor asked me to describe my symptoms. I have a hock and a schnoz,' I said in a nasal voice, describing my sore throat and stuffy nose in my own made-up Yiddish-sounding terms."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo..."
October 17, 2022
Nabil’s joy in these pages radiates as bright as the sunny yellow cover. He truly does live in the sunshine and getting carried along on the adventures of his childhood and his life in the music industry made for a really fun reading experience. I was an angsty teenager growing up on the music that Nabil was helping to put out into the world through his work, so it was incredibly cool to read about someone who had a hand in the indie music scene that was the soundtrack to my high school years.
The indie music scene was (and based on the ending of the book I’m guessing still is) predominantly white, something that was definitely not lost on me when I was a high school super fan. So it was really valuable to read about his experience both as a touring indie musician and record executive. This definitely piqued my interest and is something I’d want to read more about. Overall, reading a memoir by someone in music was super fun in a way I wasn’t expecting and has me ready to read a lot more about the different pockets of the industry that interest me.
At the end it felt like his dad was one song on the killer soundtrack of his life that now consists of many different families.
The indie music scene was (and based on the ending of the book I’m guessing still is) predominantly white, something that was definitely not lost on me when I was a high school super fan. So it was really valuable to read about his experience both as a touring indie musician and record executive. This definitely piqued my interest and is something I’d want to read more about. Overall, reading a memoir by someone in music was super fun in a way I wasn’t expecting and has me ready to read a lot more about the different pockets of the industry that interest me.
At the end it felt like his dad was one song on the killer soundtrack of his life that now consists of many different families.
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October 5, 2022
I really enjoyed reading My Life in the Sunshine by Nabil Ayers. I thought it was well organized and paced correctly. It gave enough details about his life growing up with a single mother who often struggled despite the fact that his father was a rich and successful rock star.
I really loved the final few chapters where Nabil was able to lay out how he connected with his dad's side of the family. Although he had had intermittent contact with his father throughout his life, his father was also quite prolific in his pursuit of having children. The journey to finding his half siblings and aunts made me cry a bit.
Another thing that spoke to me was in Nabil's ability to see past his mothers decision. Going into his conception she knew his father would not be around, it was an agreed upon fact, and as a child that was a lot to process. Nabil's ability not to become bitter about the situation is inspiring.
Great memoir!
Thank you Viking Books for providing me with a copy to review.
I really loved the final few chapters where Nabil was able to lay out how he connected with his dad's side of the family. Although he had had intermittent contact with his father throughout his life, his father was also quite prolific in his pursuit of having children. The journey to finding his half siblings and aunts made me cry a bit.
Another thing that spoke to me was in Nabil's ability to see past his mothers decision. Going into his conception she knew his father would not be around, it was an agreed upon fact, and as a child that was a lot to process. Nabil's ability not to become bitter about the situation is inspiring.
Great memoir!
Thank you Viking Books for providing me with a copy to review.
November 22, 2024
I felt a lot of ups and downs while reading—Nabil Ayers and I went to the same college, and worked at the same radio station, where we played at least one of his bands. I used to interact with his label and shop at his record store, and now he runs 4AD. In many regards I once hoped I’d have something resembling his life path and that almost certainly shaped my initial take, which was that there seemed to be a lack of conflict in his life and that everything seemed to just sort of work out for him. His mom was a young single parent but he really seemed to have a supportive village and good social status, no real tension to speak of, and at first, his lack of a relationship with his dad didn’t feel like enough to justify a whole memoir.
But you don’t choose to be born, and his mother’s choice to have him young, without the help of his father, is no doubt something that would’ve tugged at him. It was something she consented to, not Nabil. So there is a story there. And I loved where this went. I loved the way his family grew and how he spent his 2020, tying ownership of his blackness to his influence on the music industry. He did a great job of tying different parts of his life together.
This would make a great companion to One Drop by Bliss Broyard. Separately: If you go into this only knowing the name of one Roy Ayers song, you’re gonna finish it only knowing the name of one Roy Ayers song.
But you don’t choose to be born, and his mother’s choice to have him young, without the help of his father, is no doubt something that would’ve tugged at him. It was something she consented to, not Nabil. So there is a story there. And I loved where this went. I loved the way his family grew and how he spent his 2020, tying ownership of his blackness to his influence on the music industry. He did a great job of tying different parts of his life together.
This would make a great companion to One Drop by Bliss Broyard. Separately: If you go into this only knowing the name of one Roy Ayers song, you’re gonna finish it only knowing the name of one Roy Ayers song.
June 19, 2022
Son of absentee musician Roy Ayers father finding his way to identify, family, success. He is not bitter but it's unfortunate that the father could not contribute or revel in his son's talent and intelligence.
January 4, 2023
As a biracial person raised in a very white town in a square state in America, and who also has dealt with issues of family estrangement, DNA discoveries, and finding biological family later in life, it’s so rare that I get to see so many aspects of my own experience mirrored back to me in a book. You know what they say about representation being everything? There is truth in that. I felt healing moments of recognition throughout the book. Nabil’s writing style is approachable and easy to read. Music lovers will get a kick out of the author’s industry stories, too. So glad I picked this one up!
May 29, 2023
A touching quick read at the intersection of music, race, and family history; I admit I cheated a bit since I had attended Nabil Ayers’ recent book reading and discussion with Chad Clark of the excellent DC band the Beauty Pill, and heard him interviewed on a friend’s podcast. So I knew the thrust of the story broadly already. While the overriding theme of the book is Nabil grappling with the presence or absence of his missing father, jazz vibraphonist Roy Ayers,
I admit I liked the discussion of race and identity in alternative music more. The time period and context was familiar to me as a 90s and 00s alternative rock listener and radio DJ so I appreciated his perspective from behind the scenes there, as an ambitious drummer with an eye for the music industry. I’ve read lots of musician biographies and memoirs but Nabil looks back on that era with the nuanced view of someone who eventually became an executive in the industry but still appreciates the grind of a touring musician.
I admit I liked the discussion of race and identity in alternative music more. The time period and context was familiar to me as a 90s and 00s alternative rock listener and radio DJ so I appreciated his perspective from behind the scenes there, as an ambitious drummer with an eye for the music industry. I’ve read lots of musician biographies and memoirs but Nabil looks back on that era with the nuanced view of someone who eventually became an executive in the industry but still appreciates the grind of a touring musician.
August 30, 2023
A tender and honest exploration of identity, with surprisingly little Roy Ayers... Which didn't matter, cause the book can stand on its own.
July 27, 2022
📚 Book Review 📚
First of all I wanna say thank you to Viking books for sending me this memoir by Nabil Ayers. I absolutely loved the book.
Those who knows me, know that am not a big fan of non-fiction books. So I was a bit skeptical in picking up this book. However, as it was an advanced readers copy from a publishing house I decided to give this book a read. But boy, what a read it was. I absolutely devoured the story and loved authors writing style.
The book hooked me from the beginning as the story revolved around musics and I absolutely love listening to it. Without music I feel like my day/existence is incomplete. In that regard I connected with the author so much. His passion towards music and how he built his career from zero to one. But that’s not the only story of the book.
The book also tells the story of Nabil who throughout his childhood to adult life, from opening a record store in Seattle in the ‘90s or touring the world as the only non-white band member in a rock band, he always felt the shadow and legacy of his father’s musical genius and his race, everywhere. Even though his father wasn’t actively present in his life and struggled to find his racial identity.
The book is a good recollection of Nabil Ayers memories about a journey he made throughout his whole life to connect with his father which made him redefine what family really means. I will definitely recommend this book to other readers as I loved it so much and would rate this book ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
My favourite quote from the book is :
🍂Music is a powerful vessel for a message, especially when its looseness fosters an emotional connection🍂
First of all I wanna say thank you to Viking books for sending me this memoir by Nabil Ayers. I absolutely loved the book.
Those who knows me, know that am not a big fan of non-fiction books. So I was a bit skeptical in picking up this book. However, as it was an advanced readers copy from a publishing house I decided to give this book a read. But boy, what a read it was. I absolutely devoured the story and loved authors writing style.
The book hooked me from the beginning as the story revolved around musics and I absolutely love listening to it. Without music I feel like my day/existence is incomplete. In that regard I connected with the author so much. His passion towards music and how he built his career from zero to one. But that’s not the only story of the book.
The book also tells the story of Nabil who throughout his childhood to adult life, from opening a record store in Seattle in the ‘90s or touring the world as the only non-white band member in a rock band, he always felt the shadow and legacy of his father’s musical genius and his race, everywhere. Even though his father wasn’t actively present in his life and struggled to find his racial identity.
The book is a good recollection of Nabil Ayers memories about a journey he made throughout his whole life to connect with his father which made him redefine what family really means. I will definitely recommend this book to other readers as I loved it so much and would rate this book ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
My favourite quote from the book is :
🍂Music is a powerful vessel for a message, especially when its looseness fosters an emotional connection🍂
August 2, 2022
This is a very well written book about Ayers' upbringing. He was raised by a single mother (by choice) with support from his uncle and the community that she surrounded them with. He always knew of his famous father, but never had a co nection with him other than a few limited informal meetings. Ayers reflects on different perios in his life impacted by the lack of relationship with his father and race. Ayers has been driven by music through his life, a trait he feels that he inserted from his father. He has played in bands, owned a record label, managed his/other bands and owned a record store. His ability to connect and empathize with people was from his mom, who has been nothing but supportive. He tells of connected with his father's family and how he has been embraced by them, but still lacks a relationship with the man himself and reconciling with what he has in a new family, his extended family by marriage and the people we find along the way that become family.
June 24, 2025
You don’t need to be a acolyte of Roy Ayers to enjoy this – in fact, it might be better if you’re not at all, as the jazz/funk pioneer comes off, frankly, as a bit of dick in the few moments he encounters his deliberately illegitimate son, author of this moving autobiography. As the absent fathered-turned-celebrity hook, it’s clear why Roy was a necessary hook for both Nabil and his publisher to hang this project around. But the writer’s own colourful life – growing up in New York and Salt Lake City, drumming in indie rock bands, founding a legendary leftfield record store chain and ultimately chairing 4AD records in US (and now the whole Beggars Group) – has enough to divert, even without the periodic walk-out appearances from Ayers Sr. And it’s simply but beautifully told, brief and breezy, but heartfelt and heavy, reflection on music, race and ultimately, the power and plasticity of family.
October 17, 2022
In 2022 Penguin Random House released Nabil Ayers’ book “My Life in the Sunshine: Searching for My Father and Discovering My Family.” This autobiographical book traces Nabil’s life from his birth in 1972 to 2021. His life is anchored in a deep love of musical rhythms, friendships, and building family relationships through lineage and maternal-paternal bonding. His life journey and strong desire to know his father are key to his quest to understand his talents based on his mixed race heritage, his musical abilities, and his “…struggles with how much DNA can define a family… and a person.” Nabil’s journey is inspiring. He is a wonderful writer, musician, and accomplished entrepreneur.(L)
August 23, 2022
Nahil Ayers is part of a Grammy winning alternative Rock band called The National. His father Roy Ayers is a famous Jazz musician. His mother a ballerina, made an agreement with Roy that if she got pregnant, she wouldn’t bother him and he’d owe no child support. As Nahil grew up, he found this objectionable as he wanted to know his father. The father did give some phone calls and met him briefly but was uninterested. Nahil discovers his father has many children. After taking a 23 and Me test, he meets others of his family. An interesting and moving memoir of people I wasn’t aware of. Absorbing story.
July 2, 2022
Excellent read
I love Nabil’s style of writing, his honesty and transparency. You could also feel his emotions. Tony in his story is my nephew ( I met Nabil at one of Tony’s graduation celebrations) and I have 3 grandchildren who are mixed. I now wonder if some of his struggles with who to identify with will be their struggle. It will definitely increase my awareness and the need to have these conversations with them.
I will also recommend this book to my family and the bookclub that I attend!!!
I look forward to his next book. Well done young man!!!
I love Nabil’s style of writing, his honesty and transparency. You could also feel his emotions. Tony in his story is my nephew ( I met Nabil at one of Tony’s graduation celebrations) and I have 3 grandchildren who are mixed. I now wonder if some of his struggles with who to identify with will be their struggle. It will definitely increase my awareness and the need to have these conversations with them.
I will also recommend this book to my family and the bookclub that I attend!!!
I look forward to his next book. Well done young man!!!
July 24, 2022
Thank you to the author for sharing his honest and raw feelings about his father, about wanting more of a connection, but not getting it. However, it was very heartwarming to read about Nabil connecting with his aunts and cousins on the Ayres side, without his father’s help. Nabil has a good writing style too, impressive for a first-time writer. The only drawback to the book, at least in the Kindle edition, was that there were no photos of the author, his mother, his uncle, and the various Ayres ancestors and present-day new-found relatives.
August 25, 2022
I loved everything about this. Doesn't hurt that I love the author but even if I hadn't I would still love this book. It's a MUST read and I couldn't put it down. Thinking about how you read a title of a song and that song starts going in your head is this book. One of the greatest songs written and always makes me happy when I hear it. Reading this book will make you feel that. Life is beautiful and complicated.
September 24, 2022
Excellent read. Ayers memoir was pretty powerful and his ongoing struggle to figure out where his father, jazz legend and vibes jedi, Roy Ayers, fit into his life was engaging. I found myself rooting for Nabil at every turn and wanting so badly for Roy Ayers to step up and be a father to him. However, it was pretty obvious that this was never going to resolve itself in a Disney-like fashion. Really, this is a story about identity and longing for closure. Top notch.
July 9, 2022
Finally, a happier than sad memoir. Feels like most of the memoirs I’ve read are sad or traumatic in ways that leave my body full of adrenaline or depression. While the writer’s life had both sadness and trauma (whose doesn’t?), I’m grateful to have read of his life experiences as a full circle that also included self-discovery, joy, love, and resolution.
November 4, 2022
Fantastic story about the amazing life of a guy I happened to go to high school with
I connected with Nabil while he was prompting his book in our high school alumni group, and I'm so glad he did. Not only is his story fascinating and heart warming, but on a personal note our lives have a lot of parallels.
However you get around to it, read this book.
I connected with Nabil while he was prompting his book in our high school alumni group, and I'm so glad he did. Not only is his story fascinating and heart warming, but on a personal note our lives have a lot of parallels.
However you get around to it, read this book.
September 15, 2022
I saw Nabil speak at a KEXP event last summer and was very eager read his book. (As soon as I got it back from my music-loving son.) He has an amazing personal story, told with great honesty, vulnerability, and care. Interesting look at how family can be both biological and chosen.
January 2, 2023
I only knew Nabil as the Alien Crime Syndicate drummer. I've seen his name pop up here and there over the years but had no idea about his back story or about where he currently is. This was a good read, enjoyed the storytelling aspect and reading about the '90s music world.
December 16, 2023
As a Seattleite, music lover, and daughter of an absent father, I felt so connected to Nabil’s story. Many of his stories took my breath away and his unwavering gratitude makes this story truly special.
January 20, 2025
What a refreshingly positive outlook! Truly a story that looks at the 'sunny side' of life.
I found this to be such an interesting story of a man raised by a woman who deliberately became a single mother and his journey to (very nonchalantly) learn more about his father as an adult.
I found this to be such an interesting story of a man raised by a woman who deliberately became a single mother and his journey to (very nonchalantly) learn more about his father as an adult.
April 20, 2025
This was great! The writing was pretty straightforward but compelling. The author seems like a genuine person and like he really cares about people and gives them the benefit of the doubt. A great read for people who like (good) music.
June 21, 2022
Really interesting life story. I probably would have given it a 5 but I am not familiar with most of the bands/music the author mentions.
September 4, 2022
I completely enjoyed this book! The chapters after Nabil Ayers takes a DNA test feels like it’s two books in one; the fullness of how he defines what family means to him is powerful and heartfelt.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 17, 2024
I appreciated the openness the author had about very intimate parts of his life. A beautiful reflective story on race and family. If you are a big music lover, you’ll also like this book!
April 12, 2024
Nabil for president! Such a wonderful surprise reading this book!
April 29, 2024
i love when the author narrates 💞 an interesting glance into the music industry, having a musician for a father that you don’t know very well, and identity.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews